10 Years before…at Harvard...
Regina sighed as she leaned back in her seat, glancing away from her laptop screen and out her dorm window. It was early October at Harvard and the tree leaves in the courtyard had started fading to yellow, not that she spent a lot of time observing time. For the fourth night in a row, she sat at her dorm room desk, putting the final touches on a paper that was due for class. Ivy League school work wasn't a joke but damn if she didn't love every minute of it. Every moment she spent on campus she tried to soak it all in - the honor, the prestige, the pride she felt. She knew she had to because it might not last much longer.
She sucked in a sharp breath and placed her palm against her stomach. There it was again. That flutter. That movement beneath her skin. The small, gentle reminder that there was a person inside her, one always ready to remind her "I'm here." As if she could forget.
"Kicking again?"
Regina shook her head as she turned to face Mal, who was looking at her expectantly. It took some tears and finangling but they managed to get housing together for the year.
"Not a kick," said Regina, shrugging her shoulders. "More like a… movement."
Mal stared at her, a flicker of awe in her blue eyes as she fiddled with the scarf around her neck. "Maybe I should stay here with you?"
"No," Regina immediately replied, turning back in her chair with a chuckle. "Mal, a pretty girl has asked you out for the first time in your entire life. I am not letting you screw this up." She sent her a playfully stern look. "You're going."
Mal groaned in frustration, slipping the scarf off her neck. "I'm never nervous. I hate being nervous. Why am I so damn nervous?"
"Because she's cute… and you actually like her," said Regina, with a smirk on her face.
Mal glared at her, annoyed. "So what will you be working on while I'm out?"
Regina shrugged. "Nothing special. Just this essay on Tolstoy."
Humming thoughtfully, Mal sat on her bed. "Then might I suggest you turn to your personal problems for the evening. You know, tackle the bun-in-the-oven issue once and for all?"
Looking over her shoulder, Regina shot her best friend a dirty look and she responded with a smug lift of her eyebrows. Another flutter came from her torso and Regina rolled her eyes. Seemed like everyone was against her these days.
"For your information Mal… I have been working on the bun issue."
"Have you?"
"I have," said Regina, standing to her feet. "And I have come up with a temporary solution." She went over to her closet and pulled out an extra thick, extra large Harvard sweatshirt. Grinning maniacally, she ran her hand over it's crimson threads. "Super huge sweaters."
Mal stared at her dubiously. "Super huge sweaters?"
Regina nodded. "They're the perfect tool to help me hide my belly when I finally pop."
Pursing her lips, Mal stared at her for a moment before taking a deep breath and standing from her bed. With sympathy in her eyes, she walked over and placed her hand on Regina's shoulder. "Okay I'm gonna gently say two things. Number one… your belly has already popped."
Regina pouted, dropping the sweater to her side. "It has?"
Mal nodded. "It's alright though, I've been spreading a rumor that you eat your feelings. Try and stay focused." She paused. "Number two… you know this isn't what I mean."
Her throat growing tight, Regina sadly nods. "I know," she mumbles under her breath.
Running her thumb over the seam of her new sweater, she tries to avoid Mal's gaze. She'd spent the last few months preparing for Harvard, throwing herself into school and trying to forget everything else. A coping method that she knew would only get her so far.
"You're almost five months now," Mal gently reminded her. "It's time to come up with a plan."
Biting her lip, she nodded. "I know. It's just… hard." She shrugged her shoulders. "I still don't know what I want to do."
Mal hummed sympathetically. She knew how much Regina was struggling with the baby issue. They did shared a room. It was impossible not to hear the tears she shed at night.
"Maybe it'd help if you had someone to talk it over with. Someone who would care as much as you do."
Regina grumbled before shuffling off over to her bed and lying down on her side. Mal quickly joined her, sitting by her side "Have you thought about calling him?"
"What would I even say?" whispered Regina. So much time had passed since she last spoke to Robin. She wouldn't know how to speak to him about the weather, let alone the fact that she was pregnant.
Mal shook her head. "I don't know. 'You knocked me up' feels aggressive but 'I'm with child' is way too old fashioned."
A surprised chuckle escaped rose from the back of her throat. "Don't you have a date to get to?"
Throwing her head back, Mal let out another guttural groan. "Fine, I will go have dinner with the beautiful, brunette law major. Are you sure you're alright?"
Regina nodded. "I'm fine. Go have fun for the both of us."
After a small moment of hesitation, Mal flashed her a smile. "I'll bring you back every dirty detail."
"I'm counting on it," Regina replied, a smirk clear on her face.
With only a bit more prodding Mal pulled on her scarf and finally headed off to her date. Regina was happy for her, truly. Now that she was out of Storybrooke Mal was finally confident enough to start dating and she hoped that she had a good time on her date.
For a few minutes, Regina stayed in bed running her hands over her stomach. What am I gonna do with you, she silently thought. It was far too late not to have the baby and deep inside she was glad. She wanted it to be born - it's what happens after that birth that was still a mystery to her. An obscure, terrifying mystery that she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to.
Sitting up in bed, she reached for her laptop, opening up a sad, empty work document that she'd created two months ago. Biting her lips she stared at the two words at the top of the page.
Dear Robin
Every night for the past two months she'd opened her laptop and stared at those two words, unsure of how to continue. How does she do this? How does she tell him about their baby, about how lost and confused she feels? About how strange and upsetting it is to both hate him and need him so badly? Every time she thinks of how much she wants to say to him - scream to him - she always goes back to how much she wishes that this wasn't happening at all.
Putting her fingers to the keyboard, she suddenly lets out a sharp hiss. Her hands fly to the left side of her torso, trying to soothe the intense pain that just erupted through her side. She takes a deep breath, setting her laptop on the stand. That definitely wasn't a kick. Again a sharp pain goes through her, this time eliciting a soft cry from her.
Oh no.
Something was wrong.
XXXXXXXX
No matter how hard they tried to cover it up it was clear that the reunion dance was in the high school gym. Walking inside Regina with her friends could see that the decorating committee had given it their all. Red and white streamers were hung from the walls to the ceiling, where a glimmering disco ball spun sending spots of light all through the room. A DJ- who upon closer inspection was a former AV club geek - was situated at the front of the room playing hits from their senior years while her old classmates danced under dim lights. The sight of it all made her a bit more nostalgic than she'd expected..
"I feel like I'm having a homecoming flashback," grumbled Ursula, linking arms with her.
"Well then this certainly won't help," giggled Carlotta, pulling a mini flask from her purse.
Regina laughed as she watched Carlotta take a sip before passing it around to the rest of the group. The image of it was an exact replica of their freshman homecoming dance - the first time she'd ever had a sip of alcohol.
"I can't believe you brought a flask," she said, shaking her head. Her face twisted up as she took sip from the flask and tasted what appeared to be lukewarm gin.
Carlotta smirked. "Hey, if the reunion committee wasn't gonna provide any booze, did you really think I wouldn't bring my own?"
"Oh please, you would've had this in your purse either way," pointed out Mal, with a roll of her eyes. Still game, she took a sip from the flask. "Keep a look out for the princess though. You know she'd be mortified if anyone appeared drunk."
Regina let her eyes scan the dance floor. She told herself she was taking in the sights, looking at old familiar faces but she knew she was only searching for one in particular. It looked like Robin hadn't appeared yet. She didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed.
Shaking the thoughts of him out of her head, she nudged Mal with her elbow. "Let's go see who's here."
It's surprising how much ten years can change a person. The dance was the first chance Regina had really taken to mingle with her former classmates. She took a moment to chat with her old lab partner Aurora Jacobs, who was finally getting treatment for her narcolepsy. Over by the punchbowl she shared a drink with Killian Rogers who, despite being the town's resident bad boy, had appeared to have gotten his act together after a stint in the Navy and the birth of his daughter. Lance Knight, the shy linebacker she used to tutor, was now married to Gwen who used to be attached at the hip to his best friend Arthur. It was weird. Everyone seemed to be so far away from the person they used to be, even the people who hadn't changed that much. And all this time she'd thought it was just her.
An hour in she was ready to call it a night. It was fun to catch up with everyone but as far as festivities went she was ready to move on. Maybe have a drink in the parking lot with the girls, catch a movie with Henry before he went to sleep. But then someone tapped her on her shoulder.
Turning she found herself looking into a familiar pair of blue eyes.
"Do you want to dance?"
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