Ooh boy do I have a chapter for you guys! Get ready for one hell of a ride! I have so much more insight and things are really gonna heat up!
TW: co-hosting, P.T.S.D and panic attacks, fires, burns, anxiety, hallucinations (auditory, visual and taste)
Chapter 16-Pale Reflection (Elsa, Alters)
Elsa wandered around the castle, irritated. "When will I wake up from this dream? It's been forever already!" She frowned, exploring everything. "Who do these rooms belong to anyway? I don't know anyone by these names." Elsa went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. There were salad fixings, fruit, meat, and other meal like things. As far as drinks, there were juices, soda, milk and purified water. That was oddly specific. Several dishes were on the counter, cups half full. Was she in a dream involving others?
"This isn't a dream, Elsa. This is reality, your inner world. It's your creation." A woman sighed, sitting in her chair in the living room.
Who was this woman? She was a pale woman with black and red hair. "No it isn't. This is all a weird and continuous dream. I'll wake up soon." Elsa sat and crossed her arms. "And you're just some strange image cooked up by my imagination." She rolled her eyes and turned away.
"If it were a dream, this wouldn't hurt," the woman replied. She reached out and pinched Elsa's arm.
"Ow! Hey don't do that!"
"Don't do what? What's the haps?" Another woman bounced in to the room, with reddish hair and freckles all over.
Elsa stared disapprovingly at both of them. "Don't touch me. I suppose you're another dream person."
The red head tilted her head. "Dream person?" She looked to the older woman. "What is she talking about?" The other woman only shook her head and went back to her chair. "Elsa, you're not asleep, silly nilly."
Elsa frowned. "Don't call me silly. I'm asleep and I'll wake up soon." She turned from the kitchen area and walked to the back doors. Walking out, she saw a pool with a diving board and a few lawn chairs by the poolside. Why was she dreaming this place and these people up? It didn't matter the reason, for as soon as Elsa was awake she'd surely forget about it all. That was just how dreams worked.
"Kiri, why is Elsa acting so strange?"
Kiri sighed and glanced up to Anna. "Well, Astrania thinks that Elsa's encounter with the dangerous alter may have caused her to collapse and regress to her pre-diagnosis days. It is possible but we just have to wait until the next session with Dina to be able to do anything."
Anna frowned. "So she doesn't know us anymore?"
"Pretty much."
'Everyone, listen up. I have started a journal to help Elsa fill in the missing pieces of her days while we're out and she's in the castle. I want everyone to write in it when they front. Tell her who you are, what you did, where you went and then sign and date it. That's the best we can do for Elsa until her psychiatrist sees her again.'
"What the what? Who was that? It sounded like Nia but I don't see her." Anna spun around trying to see where the voice came form.
Kiri sighed, irritated. "It was Nia. When any one of us fronts, we can still communicate with everyone. All we need to do is think."
"Oh. So does that mean that you guys hear my thoughts when I front?"
"Unfortunately." Kiri stood and walked toward the stairs. "And by the way, acting like a damsel in distress will not get a guys attention." She went upstairs with a smirk.
Anna blushed. "Well what would you know."
Aya was walking along the park and came across the void. With a shrug, she decided to front. She was bored, so why not see what was going on outside the inner world? She walked to the void and felt a presence already. Who else was there? She didn't know but with a rush of nausea and a headache, she saw Diane staring at her. Aya waved slightly, only to hear a voice talk.
"I guess someone else has joined us for dinner."
Who said that? She hadn't spoken yet she felt her throat vibrate as if she had. Is this what talking felt like? Aya didn't like it. She waved her hands in small motions and pointed to herself.
"Yes, that was Elsa's voice."
There it was again! Who else was here? Aya frowned, crossing her arms.
"It's okay," Diane smiled. She studied the second alter who was now co-hosting. "Would you be Ayalah?"
Aya looked to Diane, confused. How had she found out her name? It was a nice change to be addressed by name but confusing. She nodded very slightly, avoiding eye contact.
"It's nice to know your name. I was told by someone else, someone you haven't met yet. Maybe she can introduce herself to you. She's the reason why you hear someone talking."
"It's true. I'm sorry to confuse you, Aya. I'm Nia, the guardian angel and caretaker of everyone in the inner world. It's nice to meet you."
Aya fidgeted, lacing her fingers together. What did this Nia mean by guardian angel and caretaker? Did that mean she was an actual angel? And what the heck was a caretaker? Aya could take care of herself.
"Don't fret, Aya. I just make sure everything is alright with you guys, I don't actually take care of anyone except for a little alter named Arcana."
Ugh! Aya didn't like how talking felt. It tickled her throat and made her ears vibrate. Wouldn't Nia stop talking already? Silence was always best, as that was what others wanted most of the time. A ringing phone made Aya jump, which made Nia giggle a little. That was just rude. Aya and Nia watched Diane get up and answer the phone, nod a few times and return to the table, looking distressed. Aya tilted her head.
"What's wrong, Diane?" Nia asked.
"That was Elsa's school. Her leave of absence is over. She has to return next Monday."
"Don't mind me, just popping in to take my medicine," Anna fronted for a few minutes to make sure she took her schizophrenia pills.
They tasted gross to both Nia and Aya. At least they could agree on that. Anna stuck around a bit longer, talking with Nia and Diane about school and other kids and clothes. Aya got irritated and went back to the inner world. She didn't like the way talking felt in her throat and was glad she was mute.
"Hm, it seems that Aya left. She probably didn't like the way talking felt."
"Aw, but she needs to be social!" Anna pouted, slouching in the chair.
"Now, Anna. Everyone has their behavior for a reason. For Aya, she stays quiet to be safe."
"Oh come on, Nia. She's gotta talk sometime."
"And if she does is entirely up to her."
Diane just sat and ate, watching Nia and Anna talk. It was really intriguing how there could be so many people in one body. It was horrible that such a thing was a result of continuous and various kinds of trauma, though. The human brain really was such a mysterious and complex organ.
"Can you get me that journal thing Nia told us all about? I gotta write down what I'm doing when I'm here." Anna smiled. Diane nodded, left the table and came back a few minutes later. "Thanks!"
'Hey Elsa!
It's me, Anna! Ya know, that dream person you met just now that has the crazy red hair? Anyway, while I was here, I took medicine that was prescribed to me for my schizophrenia. Ya know, it took me a minute to remember how to spell that disorder. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. All of us really miss talking to you!
-Anna, Saturday, August 6th, 2016.'
She closed the journal and bobbed her head, as if listening to music. "Well, I'm feeling the effects of my medicine so I'm gonna head back to my room for now. See ya later, Mom!" Anna waved and left to the inner castle herself.
"Nia! Nia!"
"Well hello there, Arcy. How is she doing today?"
"She had a nice nap! Though there were doors slamming and people arguing. But the nightlight was amazing! Not a single little bit of darkness in her room whenever she sleeps! Arcy loves it! She thanks Nia so, so, soooo much!"
Astra smiled and looked to Diane. "I'm sure you're familiar with the littlest alter, Arcana. She has a fear of the dark and prefers silence. It's better for her so she can know what's coming." Nia focused on Arcy again. "She is very welcome. Arcy knows Nia wouldn't let anything happen to her. That's why Nia is here."
"Nia is the best! Can she go to the park later?"
"Sure, I'll go with her. We can go see the ducks again."
"YAAAAYYY!" Arcy flailed her arms, making Nia do the same.
Diane giggled. "Arcy likes ducks, doesn't she?"
"She loves the ducks! Especially babies! Arcy sees them as floating fluffballs!" Arcy replied. "Nia and Mom lady are the best!"
"We try," Diane smiled.
"They succeed," Arcy smiled. "She's gonna go now. She wants to draw some pictures now!"
"Okay, Arcy, have fun!" Diane waved and watched as Nia sat for a minute, staring at the ceiling. "Is it just us two or are there other alters wanting to say hi?"
Nia thought for a minute. "I believe it's just us now."
'Hey, Nia.'
"Whoops, spoke too soon. Kiri is thinking at me. What is it, Kiri?"
'Elsa is getting worse. She's gone around the entire castle just trashing everything. She's hearing things again, voices are telling her that nothing is real and she can't do anything right. I think she just ran up to her room, screaming about purple tasting like cabbage or something. Do you think her hallucinations are getting worse?'
"Oh dear. It sounds like she is getting worse. Diane, could you call Dina and schedule an emergency walk in? If Elsa keeps regressing from all the stress and hallucinations, who knows what could happen."
"What's going on?" Diane asked as she got up to use the phone on the counter.
"Elsa is hallucinating again. Only this time it's progressed to tasting colors. She needs to see Dina right away."
"Alright, I'm on the line." Diane stepped into the kitchen and began talking to the receptionist.
Astrania frowned. Things were getting worse and if left alone, it would only get worse. Tasting colors? That was new. "Kiri, keep an eye on her. Keep her from hurting herself while I'm here."
'Got it.'
"The clinic isn't open on the weekends but luckily I had Dina's personal number. She'll come by tomorrow at noon to make a house call. After hearing what was going on, she agreed that Elsa is getting worse. Do you think she'll be able to help?" Diane sat again, twirling hair around her fingers.
"I hope so. She's the only one with the training to handle this kind of thing."
Elsa sat in her room, cradling her legs in her arms. "No, no, no. I'm not useless! You're useless! Shut up!"
'You can't do anything right. Remember how your parents divorced? How you broke up another relationship your mother tried to have? You ruin everything! You're a useless waste! A mistake! Nothing but trouble! If you weren't around, your mother and father would still be together and be perfectly happy. But no, you have to exist.'
"STOP IT!" Elsa sprang up and swung her arms, knocking her clock over. She walked to the desk and stared at the mirror, her heart racing. The image kept distorting and warping. "WHO AM I!?" Infuriated with the voices and her messed up vision, Elsa picked up the clock from the floor and smashed it into the mirror. Pieces of glass fell everywhere. "What is wrong with me?!" She fell to her knees among the shards of broken glass. Picking up anything she could, Elsa hurled objects at the door. Soon there was a small pile as her P.T.S.D spiked, bringing her anxiety and fear with it.
'You're just pathetic. A little bit of hearing things and tasting weird things and you start freaking out. Grow up.'
Elsa swatted at the air, but she was seeing a silhouette trying to attack her with burning sticks and strange drinks. "What do you want from me?!" She flailed her arms, knocking over the standing lamp. It crashed onto the floor, sparks from the in use light bulb landing on the carpet and starting a small fire. Elsa fled from the corner, curling into a ball. She held her head in her hands, rocking back and forth. Her panic rose as the flames slowly got brighter. "What have I done? What have I done? It's my fault, all my fault…What have I done?" She started crying, not hearing the pounding on her door.
"Elsa! Elsa let me in! I smell smoke and see bright light under the door!" Kiri kept trying the door and pushing on it.
"Alright, fuck it. This door has got to go. Nia! I need your help now! Elsa's in danger!" Kiri rammed herself into the door a few times. She didn't know there was a pile of things in front of the door. "ELSA LET ME IN!" Kiri stepped back a few feet and hurled herself at the door. She fell back and cursed, holding her shoulder.
"Stay back, let me go at it," Astra's voice carried in before she was seen. Kiri moved away and watched as Astrania literally flew into the door, breaking it off the hinges. Astra flew into the flames in her effort to break down the door. "AH SHIT!" She dropped to the floor and rolled. "KIRI GET HER OUT OF HERE! FIRE!"
Kiri ran in and picked up Elsa, ignoring the panicked screams and kicks. "I'm saving your life, kid. You'll thank me later. Will you be alright, Astrania?"
Astra was panting as she rolled on the floor, to put out the flames on her body. "Just take care of her!" The flames took a few seconds but they were out. She turned her attention to the room. "Crap, I don't have anything I can…." She stopped in that sentence and looked to her wings. "So be it. Everyone's safety is more important than my wings." She dropped to her back on the rest of the fire, rolling on the flames to extinguish them.
Anna was walking by and saw what was going on. "Holy shit, Nia! I'll get the extinguisher!" She ran off and came back a minute later, pulling out the pin and spraying everything in the room.
Nia covered her head and face, extending her burning wings as well.
"Ok, I think I got everything out." Anna wiped her forehead and dropped the extinguisher. "Are you okay, Nia? What happened?"
Nia coughed and panted, dizzy and weak. "I don't…know how it started….but Elsa was in here….She was panicking. I literally," Astra coughed a few more times, "flew into the door to break it down….Kiri got her out…Go to them, check Elsa…" Nia started crawling out of the room, trying to stay conscious.
"No, I'm gonna help you out. You need medical attention a.s.a.p!" Anna reached down and wrapped Nia's arm around her neck to hoist her up. "That was really awesome and heroic but I believe in no one left behind." She struggled a bit but Anna brought Nia downstairs.
Kiri turned and jumped. "Holy fucking hell, Nia! Anna, keep Arcy from seeing Nia like this. It might remind her of Nassiri since Nia's wings are burned. And keep an eye on Elsa. I managed to calm her by stroking her hair and making the sound of waves. Just a gentle 'ffshhh' sound. Her wounds are already taken care of. I'll take care of Nia." She ran to Nia, who was struggling to get into a chair in the living room. "That was way too close. I'm so glad you can fly."
"I don't know," Astra panted and her eyes fluttered, "if I will be able to anymore."
"Don't say that. We can fix your wings. I'll take care of the burns and then front so I can research how to care for injured wings. If it can work for birds, it can work for you." Kiri ran into the bathroom, grabbed cotton balls, hydrogen peroxide and some towels. She wet one towel in hot water completely, breathing in as she held it and ran back out. "This is gonna hurt. Be ready. 3,2,1." Kiri placed the hot towel on Astra's wings.
"Oh holy mother of Mary virgin and all that is divine!" Nia clawed into the arm of the chair, breathing in deeply. "Thanks for the countdown."
"Sure. Anna, call Aya. Have her get a room temperature drink. Anything colder or warmer could send her body into shock after being exposed to hot flames." She gently cleaned the blood and burnt feathers from the wings as Anna went off. "Okay, all cleaned. I'm gonna use some peroxide now to stop any infections." She poured some onto the cotton balls and shook her head. "Okay, in 3,2,1." Nia cringed and whined under her breath as Kiri cleaned her wounds. "I'm being as gentle as I can. Bone is exposed in some places."
"Yeah," Nia panted, "just get it over with."
Elsa was staring at them as Kiri tended to Nia. "What have I done? What have I done? Even if it is a dream, I've hurt people. I always hurt people….What's wrong with me? Am I cursed? What have I done?"
Kiri stopped, noticing a chill in the air. On instinct, she glanced to Elsa. As she had figured, a bit of snow was starting to swirl. "Anna, come over here and finish this. Give Nia the drink and finish cleaning the wounds. When it's all done, gently wrap the towels over her wings." Kiri moved to Elsa and sat on her legs, getting eye level with Elsa. "Elsa, look at me. It's fine. You didn't mean for any of this to happen. We'll all be okay. Take deep breaths and relax," Kiri stroked her hair and made the sound of waves until Elsa's breathing and pulse returned to normal. It took a few minutes but Elsa eventually was at peace. "Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah, I think so. Will she be okay? Even if this is a dream, I feel terrible. It was my fault that fire started…"
Kiri shook her head. "It was an accident. Accidents happen. Nia will be fine. She just needs time to rest. And so do you. Tell you what, I'll walk you to where where you won't have to worry about any of us."
Elsa bit her lips and played with the end of her braid. "Are you sure no one is mad? I mean she is so badly hurt…"
"Look at me, look at me," Kiri pried Elsa's eyes away from Nia. "We know what to do. I'm going to take you somewhere where you won't have to worry about us. Follow me." She gently led Elsa out of the castle and into the void. "Just walk through there and you'll wake up."
Elsa chewed her lip. "I feel so bad, though. I couldn't possibly wake up not knowing if, uh, Nia will be alright. I mean I caused that. Shouldn't I stay to see how it goes?"
"You want to wake up, don't you?" As much as it drove everyone crazy, Kiri played along with the dream theory. It was the only way to ensure Elsa would be safe while Nia recovered.
"I guess so. Through here, you said?" Elsa looked to Kiri. "I never did get your name."
"Kiri. Don't worry, we'll meet again. I'm not a one time dream."
Elsa looked down, tapped her fingertips together and took a deep breath. "Guess I'll see you again."
"Until next time," Kiri ruffled Elsa's hair before she walked into the void. She waited a few minutes before following. It seemed it was night time in the real world, so Elsa had gone to bed. That was perfect. Kiri could get the research she needed and go back without startling or waking Elsa. She found the journal Astra had started and wrote that she had done some wing research for Nia, signed it, and dated it August 6th. It wasn't quite the 7th yet. Kiri laid Elsa back in bed and returned to the inner world. Before going to the castle, she went to the store and picked up wrappings, bandages, and gauze. Without further delay, Kiri went to the castle to tend to Nia. "I know what to do, Nia. But it'll hurt again. I have to gauze your wings and then wrap them closed. Can you bare with me one last time while I do it?"
"Yeah, just do it, I'm in pain already."
"Okay. Anna, keep Arcy and Aya away. They don't need to see this." Kiri gently placed gauze on Nia's wings and began wrapping them closed delicately. Anna ran off to distract the other two alters somehow while Kiri did her work. "From what I read, it can take up to 6 months for burnt wings to heal. I don't know if it'll be longer for you but it's a safe guess it will be. Your wings are much larger than any bird wings people have cared for."
Nia grimaced and clawed into the arm of the chair again as her wings were wrapped. "Probably."
"You can't be going around doing anything strenuous while your wings heal. Just rest and relax. I'll handle any stressful shit that comes Elsa's way, okay?" Nia grumbled about being needed as the gatekeeper and caretaker. "I acknowledge you are needed but if you push yourself too hard, you could hurt yourself more. You already have high blood pressure and rarely eat. And from what I saw the first time you fronted, you can't accept the differences in bodies between the worlds. You have enough to deal with already. I'll take care of things while you recover."
Nia let out a long and annoyed sigh. "Fine, I guess. But if you get overwhelmed, let me know and I'll help you out."
"I'll be fine, Nia, I promise. Let's get you to your room and sleep. You need it." Kiri helped Nia up and upstairs to her room. I'll come check on you now and then, okay? Just relax." Kiri shook her head at Nia's grumbles and closed the door. What a day this had turned into. At least Elsa had been saved.
Am I good at this or what? Work has been so crazy with my hours lately. I have been typing little scenes into my notepad on my tablet, though. In fact that was how this whole chapter started. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this thrilling chapter. I'll see you guys for my next one!