Ready for a ride, my readers? I hope so, for this chapter is a roller coaster!
TW: time loss, flashbacks, blood, fighting, co-hosting, alter switching, forced fronting
Chapter 19- Alter Ego (Elsa, Alters)
Elsa sighed and paced, restless. She'd had enough of this dream world and wanted to wake up. So she left the castle and began wandering around, hoping that she'd just wake up. Elsa found a dark area with a small spot of light. "That's got to be it," she assumed, walking toward it.
Anna was sitting with Diane, eating lunch. They were talking about students and fads in school when Anna's hands started moving. "Eh? Who the what now?"
Diane tilted her head. "Who do you think it is?"
"Who else could it be? It's me, Mom," Elsa replied.
"But it's also me?" Anna blinked, confused. "I think it's Elsa?"
"I must be really out of it to be talking like that. So Mom, what's up?"
Diane stifled the giggle that was trying to come out. Watching Anna and Elsa both try and talk, with their expressions being equally baffled, was kind of funny. "Nothing much, Elsa. How did you sleep?"
"Pretty well. How long was I asleep?"
"I dunno, a couple of hours?" She picked up their dinner dishes and took them to the kitchen.
"Did I completely space out on eating dinner?" Elsa looked at the table, seeing a whole chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy.
"You could say that," Diane replied. "Are you still hungry?"
"Starving! I feel like I haven't eaten in so long!" Elsa rubbed her hands together as her mom made a plate of food for her. "Man, it smells amazing!" She gobbled up the the potatoes and tore into the kitchen. When she was done, only the bare bones of the chicken legs were left. "That was so good!" Elsa stretched and looked to Diane. "So Mom, what's up?" She was unaware her hands, controlled by Anna, were picking up Anna's medication and a glass of milk beside her. She took a gulp of milk, unaware she had taken medicine. "So, what time is it, too?"
Diane smiled. "Well, it's close to 6 p.m. And as for what's up, not much. How do you feel?"
"Pretty good. I had this dream where I lived in a castle with a bunch of other people."
Diane stopped and turned to the counter, staring at the camera that Dina had given her and Kiri. "Elsa, there's something I think you should see." She took the camera and moved to the couch. "Come here and watch this."
Curious, Elsa got up and sat by her mom. "What's up? You seem serious all of a sudden."
"Just watch this." She turned the camera on, went to the menu and selected the only video. "This was recorded earlier today."
Elsa turned her attention to the viewfinder of the camera.
**"Hey, Elsa!" Video Elsa said. "It's gotta be strange watching yourself talk and not actually be talking. Anyway, to my point!" She held up a sharpened pencil. "Okay, that was just bad. Today's date, as you can see by this conveniently placed calendar here, is Sunday, August 7th, 2016. It's around 1:30 p.m. and we just had a session with your psychiatrist Dina. We talked about your denial, what caused it and how to help. This video journal and the other journal "The Missing Pieces" are the ways we're helping." The camera turned to Diane. "Any words for Elsa?"
Diane blinked and smiled, rubbing the back of her head. "Um, hi, baby girl. You've got something pretty serious going on in that complex little brain of yours. But no matter, I will always love you and always be here for you. I love you, Elsa. I love all the other people you live with, too."
The Elsa on video made a face. "And on that note, we end this first video journal. See ya later, twerp!"**
The camera went back to the video selection screen and Elsa sat silent for a moment. "Wait, when did we record that? Why was I talking so strangely? What's going on?"
Diane sighed. "Your psychiatrist diagnosed you with something pretty serious. And she told me that having you record and write down things when you're not here will help."
"How can I write and record when I'm 'not here?' That makes no sense."
"I know but in time it will."
Elsa put a hand to her head, feeling dizzy. "Mom, I don't feel so good…"
Diane frowned. "Oh no, I think I know what happened. Anna?"
"Yeah, Mom, what's up?"
"Huh? That's not my voice!" Elsa frowned.
"Shoosh, Mom's talking."
"Anna, did you take your medicine?" Diane sighed, trying not to be amused with the self-argument Elsa was having. She shouldn't have been amused but the expressions Elsa and Anna were making were just priceless.
"Yeah, why?"
"Were you in complete control or just a little?"
"Just a little. Why does that matter? I took my medicine." Anna scratched her head, making Elsa do the same.
"I think you may have gotten Elsa sick by doing that."
"Mom, who on Earth are you talking to?" Elsa rubbed her eyes. "There's no one here but us."
'And the rest of us,' Kiri sighed.
'Now now, Kiri. One step at a time. Let her come to terms with all of this-again.' Nia laughed gently. 'After all, it is a lot for someone her age to take in.'
"Wait, hold the phone. Who were all those people I just heard? It was like they were right next to me," Elsa looked around, extremely confused.
"That's what I mean, Elsa. You're never alone. Those people you dreamed are real, along with the castle," Diane ran her hands through Elsa's hair.
"Yeah, uh, sorry if you get sick, Elsa. I take medicine for my, what was it called Mom?"
"Schizophrenia."
"Yeah, that. I guess I have to be all out when I take it or someone gets sick. Oh crap, does that mean it won't have an effect on me?" Anna paced around, making Elsa do the same.
"Mom, why am I moving?" Elsa looked worried.
"Anna, sit, please. Don't forget that when you co-front, you make Elsa's body move as well," Diane watched Anna pace.
"Sorry, Mom. I just feel restless."
"So do I," Elsa frowned as her and Anna sat. "I don't feel so good." Elsa's arm twitched and she started shivering. "I'm not cold, why am I shaking?"
Diane raised an eyebrow. "Hold on, let me do some quick research." She got up and went to the computer in the dining room. She sat there for a few minutes then came back to the couch. "Okay, Elsa. Don't get too worried but you're experiencing the side effects of Anna's antipsychotic medication."
"Who's Anna?"
"I am, silly. I've been here a while, ya know." She started fidgeting. "I can't focus. I need to just move, keep moving," Anna stood, taking Elsa with her as she moved about the room.
"Anna, please sit down."
"Please sit down," Anna repeated, unable to make her own thoughts and sentences. "Sit down, sit down."
Diane took a deep breath and centered herself. Anna was an undifferentiated schizophrenic. Which meant that Anna showed symptoms from two different schizophrenia types. Which two Dina hadn't quite figured out yet but one was definitely the paranoid type. "Patience, Diane. Just be patient."
"Patient, be patient," Anna repeated.
"Anna, was it? Could you just sit down? Please? I'm gonna throw up," Elsa groaned.
"Throw up, gonna throw up…" Anna murmured as she scurried about the room. "Patience, sit down, patience…"
"Mom, I need a bag or something…" Elsa managed to control her arms and wrap them around her lower torso. "I have to puke now or I'll just spew everywhere…"
"Of course, sweetie," Diane ran into the nearest room and grabbed an empty trash can. "Here ya go."
"Tha-" Elsa vomited into the empty bin, her legs giving out from under her.
"Whoa, I got you honey," Diane jumped and caught Elsa before she hit her head on the end table behind her. "I'm here, sweetie, I'm here," she stroked Elsa's hair while her daughter cried and complained of muscle aches. "I wish I had the cure, I really do." Diane suppressed her urge to cry. That would only make Elsa feel worse about what was going on.
"Mom, why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?" Elsa cried.
"I'm sorry, Elsa! I'm so sorry!" Anna whined.
"Shut up! I don't want to hear you! Any of whoever you all are!"
"But I didn't mean…"
Elsa felt just how badly her words were hurting Anna but she didn't care. "I said shut up! Just leave me alone! Go away forever!"
"Elsa, don't take it out on Anna or the others. They can't help that they exist," Diane shook her head. "You did nothing to deserve any of this. It isn't your fault. If I could make it all go away, I would." She held her daughter tightly. "But no matter what happens, I'll always love you and always be here for you."
'Oh, you poor Snowflake. Please, do be kind to us. We mean you no harm, only good intentions. We do apologize for the inconvenience we cause you,' Astra frowned, holding Anna who was crying. 'We understand the nature of your condition more than anyone but please do not lash out at us.'
"Make the voices stop! I don't want to hear them!" Elsa clamped her hands over her ears. "I don't want this…I don't want it, don't want it…."
Diane bit her lip, trying to calm Elsa's tremors. "It's all okay, baby girl. Dina and I will help you through everything." Elsa's tremor's stopped and Diane studied her daughter carefully.
Ayalah looked around, squirming from Diane. That was an awkward hello. She moved from the living room to the bathroom, feeling something cold and wet on her clothes. Looking in the mirror, Aya saw she was covered in vomit. Not only that, but she was in Elsa's body again. Was this how it would be every time she fronted? Stuck in another person's body? Regardless of that, she needed a shower. Stripping down, Aya turned on the water and stepped inside the shower. The warm water felt wonderful on her skin. It was always relaxing. Now that she had a chance to be on her own, Aya reflected about what she had done recently. More specifically, what had happened at school a few days ago.
**Aya was in class, doing the work like she was assigned to. The teacher had stepped out for a moment to talk with another teacher for who cared why. Students naturally started talking and goofing off. Some tried starting fights with her but she just ignored them. Aya was better than stupid high school drama. Besides, her work was almost done. That meant she could draw the rest of the period. So Ayalah ignored the paper wads and hurtful remarks thrown at her. She didn't even give them a glance as she finished her work and put it in her backpack.
"Hey Snowfreak, stop ignoring us! We know you're nuts not deaf."
Aya just sighed and ignored Kayla. That, bitch, was always trying to start shit. Aya suspected it was because she was jealous of Elsa and her natural beauty. Kayla was a brunette with a spotty complexion and the frizziest hair Aya had ever seen-next to Anna. Boring brown eyes and a slightly chubby figure. Next to Elsa, Kayla was a mess-and not even a hot one. Aya just focused on her artwork until it was snatched out from under her.
Temper, Aya. Don't let these immature assholes get under your skin, Aya reminded herself. Everyone is insecure and looks for a scapegoat. Don't stoop to their level. She breathed deeply, watching calmly as her art was torn. Man, It was getting harder not to flip a desk onto this bitch. A calm river, gently flowing into a serene waterfall. Find your happy place. Not even a sound was made as a sudden rush of cold water fell over her head. Okay, that's it!
Ayalah stood so fast her desk flipped. She whirled around and punched Kayla as hard as she could, knocking the whiny skank down onto the floor. Kayla wanted to play? Fine, but Aya played to win. She kicked Kayla a few times and picked her up, head butting her. Aya dropped Kayla into her chair and fixed her desk, the quick fury replaced with guilt and shame. No better than anyone else, just another high school drama queen, Aya scolded herself. Should have handled it calmer. But damn did Kayla have that ass whooping coming.
The teacher returned and Aya didn't even wait. She made gestures to show the teacher what she had done. Of course she was sent to the office but at least she had taken responsibility for her actions-unlike any of those other sniveling brats in class. After class, Aya was waiting in the parking lot when heard a gun shot in the distance. At first, it was nothing. But she started having a migraine and images of a gun to her head flashed before her eyes. The pain got worse and worse. When Aya blinked again, she was somehow standing in the middle of the soccer field, curled in a ball. How did she get here? What had happened? Dina had spoken of triggers in a session before, so was it possible that gun shots were a trigger for Ayalah? She scratched her head and went back to the parking lot to wait for Diane.**
Aya shook her head and stopped the water, having finished cleaning up. That was one hell of a day. Maybe now those brats would show some respect for Elsa. Though if they didn't for Kiri, what would make it any different with Aya? Well Kiri tended to act like Elsa when she was in school, but Aya was herself. So maybe now that they knew what "Elsa" could do, the kids just might leave her alone. Hopefully. She stepped out of the shower and dressed herself, making sure to put on a hoodie. Walking out to the living room, Diane was sitting on the couch, leaning over with her hands in her hair. Aya sat beside her, starting to warm up to her.
"Hey, Aya. I don't suppose you know where in the inner world Elsa is?" Diane looked up to see Aya frown. "I thought not. At least she might be safe there. I really wish there was more I could do to help her," Diane wiped her eyes.
Aya awkwardly put her arm around Diane, trying to comfort her.
"Thanks, I appreciate it. I just hope when Elsa wakes up, there's nothing to trigger her."
Elsa was totally lost. There were so many questions. One of them was where the hell did her vision go? When her vision did clear, Elsa saw she was in class. There was a journal in front of her with the writing "The Missing Pieces" on the cover. Hadn't that video mentioned this book? Curious, Elsa opened it where the little ribbon was.
'Little Snowflake,
I know this is going to be rough for you. I do apologize for that. I've done everything I can to make sure when you come back, it'll be easy for you. Your classwork and homework are both done so you needn't worry about that. Diane packed a brilliant lunch for you so you won't need to socialize to get your lunch. The school staff have been made aware of your condition and are much more understanding of your…spacing out. I hope everything works out for you.
With love,
~Nia.'
Elsa rubbed her temples, pain radiating behind them. "Oh god, I need to puke again. How long was I gone this time?"
"You never left, you fucking bitch," came a reply behind her.
"Just leave me alone, Kayla. You have issues," Elsa retorted.
"Says the psychobitch."
"Kayla, quiet! Do your work!" The teacher scolded her. "Elsa, keep your comments to yourself."
"May I be excused?" She held her stomach. "I need to vomit."
"Make it quick."
Elsa bolted from the room and to the nearest bathroom. She didn't hesitate to puke into the nearest stall. "Oh god…What's wrong with me?" She wiped her mouth and sat back, having vomited for at least a minute. "That tasted like alcohol…" Her vision blurred again. "What now?!"
**A bright light was swinging overhead, a low humming the only constant sound. There were occasional murmurs and what sounded like water dropping onto the floor. Elsa was on her knees on the floor, panting. "D-daddy….No more, please…" She barely whispered out.
"We must continue the liquid cleanse until the demons are gone. I will do nothing to ensure the safety of your pure, immortal soul," Ian approached with a glass and tilted Elsa's head back. He opened her mouth and poured the drink in, closing her mouth. "Drink it, Elsa. Demons can't stand holy wine."
She did as she was told and nearly gagged. "Awful…It burns…..My stomach…."
'Hang on, kid. I'm coming,' Kiri sighed. 'You can't take much more. You're in pretty bad shape. I didn't think you'd stay awake long enough for me to get here. I'm sorry he burned you with that cross.'
"I can't…just wanna escape…" Elsa whispered.**
"Escape, escape…Need to escape…Window, break a window, she has to escape!" Arcy scrambled from the stall and looked around the bathroom. "Break the glass, she needs to break the glass…" Arcy slammed her fist into the nearest mirror, not even flinching. "Better, she can breathe…" Arcana sighed and looked to her wrist. "Oh no, she was bad, she was bad….Punishment for sure…"
'Listen to me, Arcana. She wasn't being bad. She need to breathe, right? Breathing is good. She was good, everything is alright.'
"Nia! Nia, she's scared. She saw the images, the burning….Crosses are bad…"
'It's okay, my little lovebug. She'll be fine. It was just a memory of someone else's. The cross never touched her. Take deep breaths and spin around like she was taught to.'
"Okay, Nia. She trusts you." Arcana took deep breaths and spun around, calming down. "Nia, can she come back? This place is dark…"
'Of course she can come back, she can always come back whenever she wants. Sit down so she won't get hurt first.'
"Yay!" Arcy sat against the wall and left for the castle.
'Kiri, go. No one else can and I need to calm Anna and Elsa.'
'Man, this denial is becoming a real fucking pain in my ass,' Kiri grumbled as she went to front. "Okay, let's wash this shit out of my mouth and get back to class. Hooray." Kiri groaned. The bell rang as she was leaving so she got her stuff from the class and rolled her eyes. The more memories Elsa recovered of Ian, the more Kiri wanted to kick his ass personally. What time was it? Kiri looked to the watch on Elsa's wrist. "Oh, leaving already? Sweet." She casually walked out of the main building to wait for her ride. It was Tuesday the 9th now. Elsa was losing more time. How much more could she lose before it was even more of a problem?
"Hey, bitch! We have a score to settle!"
"Oh, no, not Kayla!"
'Really, Elsa? The one time you come back quickly and it's when this skank wants to start shit?' Kiri was getting more and more agitated. "What do you want?"
Kayla huffed up. "I want to settle the score. You got an unfair advantage the other day. You and me, here and now. Who's better?"
"Me, no contest. You're just am average chick compared to someone unique like me. Get on a treadmill and put on some acne cream," Kiri groaned. "I don't have time to deal with your petty shit." Despite Kiri's confidence, she could feel Elsa's fear. It was feeding into her.
"That tears it!" Kayla threw herself at Kiri, pinning her down. "You wanna talk shit? You might at well eat it!" Kayla looked around and grabbed something Kiri couldn't see, shoving into Kiri's mouth.
'Oh my god, that's actual shit!' Kiri and Elsa thought, both spitting it out as fast as they could.
"Fine, you want to settle this?" Kiri rolled over, knocking Kayla over. "We'll settle this! Once and for all!"
'No, don't! I don't want to get in trouble!'
'Should have thought about that before. You can thank Aya for this skank wanting revenge.''
Kiri kicked Kayla over, making her roll a little. "You really want to find out who's better? Ask anyone here! You're a fucking ugly bitch with body issues!" She balled her fists and hit Kayla.
'Stop it!' Elsa forced herself into control. 'I don't want to get expelled!'
Kiri, pissed off, growled. 'Too bad. The teachers know what's up with you, they can live with this.' She kept wailing on Kayla until her anger had fizzled out. Satisfied, she left for the castle.
Elsa was left on top of the poor girl, bloody hands. "Oh god, what have I done?" She scrambled off and helped Kayla sit up. "I, I 'm so sorry Kayla! That's not me, not who I am…I don't even, I can't explain…" She started stammering until she felt something cold on her arm. Elsa looked up to see snow was falling around her. "Oh no," was the collective response from not only Elsa but Kiri and Nia as well. "Not here, not now, not like this…" Elsa frantically looked around, seeing kids staring and pointing. "No, no, no…"
'Oh fuck, I'm so sorry Elsa! She was going to hurt you and I just lost it! Oh god, I have to fix this!' Kiri was starting to freak out. 'Shit, I can't control your emotional snow. Calm down, Elsa, please!'
Elsa was starting to panic. The snow kept falling and the kids and now even adults were staring. "I have to get out of here….." She didn't bother looking at anyone or anything as she ran.
Nia looked to Kiri and actually glared. It actually scared her. "I, I, I had to do something! She was gonna hurt Elsa!"
Nia just glared. "And you just caused a shit storm. Who the hell knows what can happen now!" Nia, normally calm and loving, was now showing just how scary she could be when angered.
Kiri stared, wide eyed. Not only had Nia just broken her serene expression with a glare, but she had just swore. "Shit, I so severely fucked up…" Kiri's legs gave out as she fell to the floor in a guilty slump by the observation window. "What have I done?"
I hope you enjoyed this! What will happen next? Find out in chapter 20! As always, thanks for reading my fic!