The next day, there was another knock at my doorway around midday, and I looked over from the window to find Arwen there, holding a tray of food balanced on one arm.
"It is good to see you well, Alyssa."
She swept into the room, placing the tray on a bedside table, helping me to sit up with a few pillows behind me, and moving the chair as close to the bed as it could go before settling in it. Her gown was a lovely, deep green, decorated with yellow-gold embroidery of birds and flowers looping around the bottom hem of the skirt and sleeves.
"Ah..thank you, Milady. Thank you for visiting. I actually wanted to thank you for bringing me up to your father, as well. I don't know if I'd have made it without your help. So..Erm...thank you." I felt oddly nervous around her, maybe because she seemed so otherworldly, or because she was so beautiful, or because I was speaking to the woman who would eventually be queen, I couldn't tell. I tried not to wince at how awkward that sounded, thanking her over and over. I was rambling again.
She smiled, amusement clear in her face, "you are quite welcome. Perhaps you might call me Arwen?"
I couldn't help but give her a mildly surprised look. She'd only just met me, and she was asking me to call her by her name with no titles or anything?
This place was turning out to be a lot less formal than I originally thought it would be.
Realizing that I hadn't responded, I nodded a little dumbly, wondering still why everyone was being so kind. Maybe that was just how elves were…?
The thought briefly occurred to me that maybe the world I had been in before was just broken, and people were supposed to be this nice to eachother all the time.
I was distracted from my thoughts by her voice again, smooth and exotic.
"May I call you Alyssa?"
I nodded again, a little faster this time.
"Well then, Alyssa, my father has informed me that you are not of our world. I'm sure he has already told my brothers, Elladan and Elrohir, and his close council, Erestor and Glorfindel. I wanted to speak with you about it, and see if it is something you would prefer kept private, or if it is something that we can tell anyone who asks after you?"
She sat calmly, apparently not terribly bothered by the fact that I wasn't from middle earth.
I took a moment to consider that. It was potentially a touchy subject, but at the same time I was not a particularly good liar. I tended to laugh a lot when I was attempting to lie, and I didn't really like lying, either way.
My voice felt strange and foreign when I spoke, still slightly scratchy with lack of use.
"I, ah, I suppose it's not really terribly secret, as long as that's all they know?
Lord Elrond said it might be better to not tell too many people that I have knowledge of what might happen. Or at least, not tell any of the knowledge."
She smiled sadly, "That would be wise, not informing everyone that that you have knowledge, though you would be quite safe to do so with anyone here, should you wish to. I can assure you that all will be respectful, should you tell them you wish not to speak of it. I think it would be best if you simply inform who you wish of what you wish."
"Do people actually ask after me…?" My voice was curious, my mind having stuck slightly on that bit of what she'd said. Why would anyone ask after me?
No one knew me here...
"Oh yes, quite often. Quite a few people were present when you made your way through, and all were very concerned for your wellbeing. My father has requested that most everyone wait until you are well enough to leave the healing house, as it would cause quite a commotion to have everyone visiting you here."
"I can..I can leave? It sort of seemed like I wasn't supposed to. Everyone kept telling me to rest whenever they saw me moving around."
That was news to me. The elves who usually brought my food always sounded like they were scolding me if they saw me out of bed.
She seemed mildly startled for a moment before laughing lightly, "of course you can leave, we've a room set up for you in the main house where you may stay as long as you like. The healers are simply concerned for you and want you to heal quickly. I think perhaps they so rarely treat anyone not elven, that they forget how much time it takes to heal for everyone else."
Her eyes assessed me slowly, taking in my still too thin form, almost completely covered in careful bandaging, which did a surprising amount for both making me look more and less healthy. The bandages added a tiny bit of padding, making me look slightly less like a skeleton adorned with loosely hung skin, and more like a rather sickly person.
At the same time, no one looks entirely healthy with bandages wrapped around almost all of them.
Elrond had only removed a few of the bandages earlier that day, some on my upper legs and arms. The rest of me was still quite mummified.
Keeping the salve on would lessen the scarring, he'd said, and keeping it covered would keep moisture in, allowing it to work better.
My face was entirely bare of bandages, though.
He'd given me a sizable container of the salve and told me to keep applying it to any spots that felt itchy, painful, or dry, which for the first couple days, had been all of it. After the third day, most of the itchiness or pain had faded.
I wasn't sure what that meant, as I had yet to see a mirror of any sort, but I kept applying the salve every couple hours whenever it seemed to have fully dried.
Having finished her careful inspection of my appearance, Arwen spoke again.
"I think it would be best you stayed the rest of today, but perhaps tomorrow I could show you to your room and around the main house? You will have to come back at least once a day for quite some time, to continue seeing the healers until your health is returned, and once you leave the healing house, you will have to venture to the kitchens, or join us in the main hall for meals, depending on whether you feel like dining privately or with everyone else. Perhaps you would be more comfortable in a room of your own, though. Comfort aids the healing process quite a lot.
My eyes stung a little, tearing up slightly, though none fell, and I focused on the blanket that was still bunched slightly in my hands. Even though I had been here a few days now I still constantly felt overwhelmed, having been alone for such a long time.
I felt like I didn't know what to expect from people anymore, and out of all the possibilities I had considered on my journey, being treated so kindly and well was never among them.
"Thank you, that would be wonderful."
Arwen remained silent, perhaps allowing me a moment to reign in my emotions, or perhaps having nothing more to say. I couldn't tell. After a few minutes of silence had passed, spent blinking tears away and mentally berating myself for being unable to control myself, I looked up, glancing over at her.
She was watching me sadly, and I was sure she had been the entire time.
I was about to open my mouth to apologize, when she spoke again, her voice soft and concerned.
"It is alright to feel, Alyssa. No one will think any less of you. Crying is natural, everyone does it. I cry because of beauty, sadness, anger, peace, happiness, pain. It is not a bad thing."
She leaned forward, removing the blanket from where my fingers had been twisting it nervously, and despite the way I almost shied away from the contact, she took my hands gently in hers. Her hands were warm, and the feeling of any physical contact made me want to cry all over again.
I hadn't realized how much I missed it until it was gone for the months of my travels.
The tears still did not fall. It almost felt like they couldn't.
The only time I had truly cried on the entire journey had been after killing those men. It had been one of the only moments on the journey that I truly felt I was losing hope. That I had been able to kill those men and take what I needed had left me feeling like I was already doing evil in a world I only wanted to help, and it had made me question whether it would be better for me to continue on, or to let the world play out as I knew it would, without my potentially disastrous interference.
"Please, let yourself feel. Don't try to hide or contain that which is part of you. You cannot feel true peace without allowing yourself to feel everything else. You will be happier here once you learn to feel again."
I swallowed hard, and nodded once, not trusting my voice to hold for a response.
She watched me for another moment before rising from her chair. For a moment, I worried I had offended her by not vocally responding, and thought about apologizing. My worries were quickly put to rest when instead of leaving, she settled on the edge of my bed that was not already occupied by a tray of food.
"You should eat, I'm afraid I've kept you rather preoccupied. Shall I tell you about some of the things you'll find while you're here?"
I wasn't quite sure what that meant. Would I be looking for something?
I nodded anyway, it seemed as if she wasn't expecting too many verbal responses, especially if I was supposed to eat at the same time.
I looked over at the tray, artfully decorated with sliced up fruits and vegetables, as well as pieces of what appeared to be some type of cooked meat. Likely rabbit, or deer.
I didn't think they were in the habit of growing livestock for slaughtering. It didn't seem like a very Elven thing to do.
The tray was relatively small, and there wasn't very much food on it, though apparently they thought I could handle solid food again.
That was nice.
As I picked at some of the fruit, eating slowly still so as not to overtax my shrunken stomach, Arwen's melodic voice filled my ears.
"One of my favorite places to spend time is the gardens, just outside the main house. There are gardens everywhere here, but some are particularly lovely. I'll take you there tomorrow, after I show you to your room. It's filled with soft grass and flowers, more for enjoyment and relaxation than outright usefulness, though many of the plants have medicinal properties if used correctly."
She smiled fondly,
"My father loves plants that can be used for healing. They are a gift from the Valar, he always says, should you get him talking about plants. So much hidden potential behind the beauty. He's got a number of gardens for medicinal plants alone, but they are not quite as colorful as the garden that goes around the main house.
Though you do have to be careful in that garden sometimes, my brothers, Elladan and Elrohir, like to hide in the trees and pretend they are squirrels, dropping acorns or leaves on people when they walk by."
She shook her head, almost rolling her eyes at the thought of them, voice mildly exasperated.
"Seasoned warriors and they still act like children. They're quite excited to meet you. I'm certain they'll attempt to pull you into their mischief."
She misread my confused look as one of worry, and quickly added,
"You needn't worry, they truly mean no harm, they just delight in creating laughter and merriment."
She shifted slightly where she sat so she could lean against the pillows next to me, still mostly upright, but more relaxed now.
"My father mentioned you wanted to learn Sindarin. He might have Elladan help with that, if Erestor is busy. Erestor taught us when we were children, but he is also one of my father's chief of council, and they are quite busy in recent times."
For a moment she looked thoughtful, "Perhaps I could help as well. Elladan is far more studious than Elrohir, but he is also rather easily pulled from them.
You likely wouldn't get very far in each lesson before Elrohir attempted to drag you both away for something more fun. One seldom does anything without the other, and when they do, it is at the behest of our father."
She glanced at me again, taking in the dark circles under my eyes as she spoke,
"He is quite concerned for you, you know."
I paused in my chewing of a grape, mildly startled. Was she still talking about the twins..? That didn't really make sense, they didn't even know me yet.
"Who..?"
"My father. The type of magic or ritual that would be required to bring someone from another world is not something that is known in Middle Earth. He speculates that the spell used to transport you here was quite likely experimental. It must have been a very powerful sorcerer to have harnessed such magic. We have all been speculating why one might bring you here, and the only reasonable conclusion is that, should you truly have knowledge of the future of Middle Earth, the sorcerer likely wanted to use it in some way."
That thought sent my mind to Saruman, and I considered whether I should tell them all that Saruman had, for lack of better phrasing, gone dark. I debated it for a moment.
It might cause things to happen at a more accelerated pace, which could be bad, but if I did not tell them, they might inform Saruman of my presence here, which would also be bad, assuming he was the one who brought me here.
I thought it a rather fair assumption to make, since I had appeared so close to Isengard.
I didn't notice Arwen watching me closely, my troubled thoughts plain on my face.
She stayed for a long while, a silent comforting presence next to me as my thoughts twisted around in my mind. Eventually, though, she rose, quietly coming around the other side of the bed to pick up the tray of mostly uneaten food before slipping out, leaving me alone with my thoughts.