TW: intrusive thoughts

Chapter 27- Synthesis (Blaise, Nassiri, Elsa)

Blaise watched as Anna left with another girl. He sat down on the couch in the living room and his attention drew to Nia. She was motioning him to the backyard.

"I don't know how much you know of who all is here, so I'll fill you in."

They sat in parallel chairs by the pool, under a shaded table. Blaise got comfortable and put his full attention to what he was going to be told. "You are what's called an alter. Basically, our little Snowflake Elsa has what's called Dissociative Identity Disorder. She has been through horrendous trauma in her young life, which led to the creation of us. Her brain determined that what she was going through was too much for her developing mind. So that led to the creation of us and this place."

"I'll make sure to study the disorder to get a good understanding of it."

Nia nodded. "Good, you'll find out what you need to know and maybe help Anna understand it, too. I've tried but it doesn't seem to stick." she sat back a little to relax. "I'm Astrania, call me Nia. I'm the gatekeeper and protector. That means that I determine who goes into the real world and who doesn't along with keeping all of us safe. Kiri, the woman with black and red hair, is a persecutor. That means she basically handles the bad things, that's her purpose. She struggles with self harm and alcoholism. Anna, the freckled redhead, is the social butterfly. That should explain everything of her purpose. Now Anna has schizophrenia. We aren't sure what type yet, as Dina, the psychiatrist we all see; hasn't been able to narrow it down. We have a strong suspicion that there's paranoia mixed in. Anna has some triggers, mainly blood and self image criticizing. So as long as neither occur, she should be fine."

"Ayalah , the girl who left with Anna, is mute. She never speaks, so don't ask her to. As I'm sure you remember, she is bipolar, most likely type 2. We think Aya's triggers are her hands and mouth, definitely guns. So don't touch her either unless she touches you first. We aren't sure if there are other triggers. Arcy, my sweet little lovebug, is very timid and even frightened around new people. Any criticism and/or seeing blood triggers her into a panic attack and that leads her to breaking glass. A huge trigger for her is darkness and over stimulation from noise. She's been the most victimized of all of us alters, so be very careful. I'm not sure if Arcy can see you or not, so don't approach her. If she sees you, she'll first talk ab out you to me. Ah, which brings me to her speech pattern. Arcana speaks in the third person. Due to everything she's endured, she's stuck at a young age. Though I'm sure Dina will help her develop more and heal. There is a new alter with us, she is my twin and her name is Lani. She is basically the doctor in the group, as I can't possibly do all the work alone. She likes to stay in the doctor's office down the road from here. So if anything happens here and you get hurt, you can go to her."

Blaise nodded and took in everything he was told, letting the information soak in. "Okay Kiri is the persecutor, alcoholic and harms herself, Anna is schizophrenic, Aya bipolar, Arcy most traumatized, you keep us safe, Lani is the doctor. Do you know what my purpose is?"

Nia stared at him, deep in thought. "Well, from what I've observed and felt from Elsa, my guess is you were born from an admiration of someone older than her, though not someone who is an adult. I would say that you are an older sibling figure, as Elsa is an only child."

"I guess that makes sense. So what should I do?"

Once again Nia was in thought. After a few seconds, she nodded. "Seeing as you didn't ask who I was talking about during my summary of everyone, it means you know of everyone. I think Aya has seen you and Anna definitely has. I just leaves Arcy. I would say or now, just be supportive when you can. Now, I'm going to give you a crash course in dissociation and emotional feedback. Dissociation is when your brain determines you can't handle the current situation and it puts you into a state of mental black out. In Elsa's case, when she dissociates, that's when one of us takes over for her. Which is when I evaluate the situation and send out who I think will be best. Do you see that window?" She pointed to the observation window by the kitchen.

"That is a big window."

"It's the observation window. We call it that because it lets us see what Elsa sees. Which brings me to emotional feedback. Say you were out there and you're feeling fine, but you get a creeping in feeling of fear or anxiety. It could be from one of us."

"Oh! I've had that happen! This guy named Hans walked by and there were all sorts of emotions that weren't mine."

"Then you have firsthand experience and knowledge of it. Another point to make is that any one of us can come out at any time, not just when triggered. And triggers aren't always bad triggers. Say that Elsa was walking by a toy store and Arcy was suddenly in front or fronting with Elsa. That's a positive trigger. So if Elsa was walking by a gymnasium that had some workout equipment, that could bring out Aya. Aya loves fitness. Now, there is always a chance that there are two or more people who are in the real world at once. This is called either co-fronting or co-conscious."

Blaise smiled. "Oh, Anna already explained that to me. Co-fronting is when there's more than one out but no one knows that there are more than one in the real world. Co-conscious is when the others know that they aren't alone."

"So some of my teachings did stick with her. That's good. It cuts out so much explaining. Do you have any other questions for me?"

Blaise ruffled his hair as he thought. "None that I can think of. But if I do think of anything, I'll ask you."

"Good. That was all I wanted, so you can go back to doing what you were gonna do." Nia stood and smiled before walking inside.

"Wait! Does Lani have any triggers?"

Nia turned to look at him. "I don't think so, as she was born here to be a doctor and not created by any trauma."

"Okay, no more questions." He watched her walk inside again. 'Kiri, what a beautiful name. She looks so sophisticated and classy. Anna is quite a spazz, isn't she? But at least one of us is the energetic type or Elsa. Aya…I wonder why she's mute. Arcana, poor thing. It sounds like she's as traumatized as Elsa. Nia runs the show basically, and Lani is our physician. Let's see, Kiri does self harm and drinks, Anna is triggered by blood and body issues, Aya is triggered with guns, hands on her mouth and hair, and Arcy can't be in darkness or too much noise. I wonder if I have any triggers? I guess time will tell. Older sibling for Elsa, huh? I can do that.' Blaise stood and walked inside the castle. Anna and Aya were excitedly showing everyone what they had brought back. All sorts of clothes and shoes and accessories were shown and some handed out.

"Blaise! You're back!"

"Back? I didn't leave, you did." He chuckled as Anna hugged him.

"Oh yeah. So, tell me about this gender fluid thing. How does it work?"

"Anna, that's rather blunt!" Kiri raised an eyebrow from behind her glass of wine.

"It's fine, I did promise to explain it. So, basically, how it is for me, is that I feel comfortable as both genders. So if I'm in a situation that calls for a more feminine touch, I can easily shift my viewpoint and emotional thinking to a female view and vice versa for masculine matters. That's just how it is for me, though. I'm sure everyone who's gender fluid experiences it differently."

Anna blinked a few times as the information sunk in and was processed. "I think I get it. You change gender depending on what the situation calls for?"

"You summarized it better than me," Blaise smiled.

"Sweet!" Anna picked up her things, nudged Aya and they went into Anna's room.

"Where's Elsa now?"

"She's fronting while eating dinner" Nia replied.

"Okay, cool. I'll be in my room listening to some music," Blaise waved and went to his room. He put on some ambient piano music and laid on his bed, fully thinking about what he had learned from Nia.

'You'll never fit in, you know. They may seem like they're comfortable with your gender thing, but they aren't.'

Blaise sat up, startle by the mysterious and mocking voice. "Who's there?!"

'You know me, or at least you will.'

"And if I don't want to?"

'It doesn't matter, I'm already here.'

"I can ignore you."

A dry laugh sent a shiver up his spine. 'They tried to ignore me as well, but I was here first. And I'll be damned if I'm forgotten. You can all live inside a tiny bubble of ignorance, but I'll happily tear it to shreds.'

Blaise was a bit nervous, but a voice was just that-a voice. "You sound cocky for something that's little more than a voice."

'And I hate them all for it!'

"Cool, haters gonna hate. Sounds more like a jealousy issue." Not even phased by the tone of the voice, he continued. "I would say that hating makes people ugly, but I suppose you have nothing to worry about."

'Insolent whelp! Ignorance and arrogance will be your downfall!'

"Said the spooky voice form nowhere. No matter what yo say or how you say it, you can't phase me. Why? Because if I let other people easily take control of my emotions with just words, I'd be nothing more than just a puppet. And I don't dance on the end of anyone's strings!"

'We'll just see about that. I wasn't always like this…'

Blaise sighed as the voice seemed to dissipate from the air. 'It's a sad day when disembodied voices think they can scare innocent people.'

Nassiri growled, infuriated. Who was this new guy and why couldn't she intimidate him? The fight with Elsa had let her nearly broken, but not dead. She had merely slipped into a place no one could get to but her. Nassiri paced ad paced, enraged that she was so weak. But the weakness lent itself to her recovery. If the others believed she was dead, it was perfect. But Nassiri knew better. "You can't kill an alter, merely force it into dormancy. Imbeciles!" She paced around the frosty castle she had created and sealed off from the others. While in her recovery, Nassiri had watched everything that had been happening, for she had created her own observation window. Elsa had dipped into denial and sent the system into chaos once before, and it could- and would; happen again. But by Nassiri's hands. She was determined to make sure the system know when it was being awful, that was her job; a job she both loved and hated. She loved the chaos but hated the emotional typhoon she was made to be. All the hatred, anger, shame, guilt, self loathing- it all fed into her. "I hate them, they made me what I am and they will pay for it!" Nassiri turned to her observation window. "Let's start my return slowly. Time to interrupt dinner."

Elsa was peacefully eating with her mom, enjoying the downtime. She hadn't suffered any migraines or flashbacks lately, it was a nice break from her symptoms.

'You're still a Snowfreak, no matter how you come to accept your freakish existence…'

Elsa dropped her fork and froze. "That voice, so familiar…" She couldn't put a face to the voice.

'You can't hide from what you are-a monster, a freak, a danger to the only person who'll ever love you.'

Elsa looked to her mom in the kitchen and felt her heart drop. "No, she's not in danger…'

'Isn't she? Don't you remember when she got hurt because of you? There are so many things she's taken to protect you. She even suffered abuse from your father on your behalf.'

'She was just trying to protect me.' Elsa bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

'She wouldn't have to protect you if you didn't have your freakish snow. I'm sure she's thought of adopting you out or worse, giving you to the government to be tested on. Just like your poor neighbors kid. No one ever heard from him again.'

Elsa bolted up and ran to her room, slamming the door. "Leave me alone!" She shoved her head under a pillow.

'So your defense against intrusive thoughts is to stick your head under your pillow and hide like a cowardly bitch? How's that working out for you?'

"STOP IT!"

'I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't.'

"Elsa? Are you okay?" Diane gently opened the door and saw Elsa hiding under the pillows. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

Elsa curled up her legs and laid with them under stomach. "There's a voice telling me awful things."

'I'm telling you the truth.'

"No, you're not!"

Diane took a minute to choose her words carefully. "What is it saying to you?"

"Mom, have you ever thought of adopting me out?"

"What? No! You're my sweet Snowflake and I'd die for you."

'She's lying. No mother in her right mind would ever admit that to their child.'

"You're just saying that so you don't look bad…"

"What?! No, I'm not just saying that. I mean it." Diane put her hand on Elsa's shoulder.

'LIAR!' "LIAR!"

'She won't ever admit to it. Who knows what else she's lied about.'

"Leave me alone, Mom! Go away!"

Diane, hurt but not wanting to stress Elsa out anymore, kissed Elsa's hand and left her daughter's room. Elsa sank into a heavy depression.

Nassiri laughed. "I may be weak but at least I still have some influence." Though separate from the others, Nassiri could feel the confusion and anxiety from Nia and the other alters. "Dance, puppets, dance."

Hello dearies! I am so sorry for the long wait for a new chapter. So much has happened! I've moved to a new place and begun treatment for my issues. Turns out I have my own dissociative disorder and alter! Guess my writing has always been more accurate than I ever knew! Isn't that funny? But things have been looking good for me and my family lately and I'm happy to be writing again! I really hope you enjoyed the new chapter! As always, thanks for reading/faving and reviewing my work!