TW: PTSD, flashbacks of being burned and tied down, dissociation

Chapter 28- PTSD (Nassiri, Elsa)

Nassiri was studying Blaise closely. He was the newborn of the group and she saw him as the easiest way back into power. His gender fluidity seemed to be the one thing he was touchy about. "With that, I can make him squirm in my hands." Nassiri paced around her den, her silk red dress fluttering gracefully as she paced. "I hate my role in this charade. She can't be the bad guy and makes me do it." She stopped to look at her reflection, piercing emerald eyes icy. "But if you want me to be the bad guy, I'll be the bad guy."

With a huff, Nassiri sat in her recliner and tapped her nails together. "Perhaps it's time to tap into PTSD and use it to punish them for what they've done to me. If it weren't for me, no one else would be here!" She tapped her nails together in contemplation, glancing to her observation window. "Time for some reality t.v. Let's have a word from our sponsor, PTSD."

Elsa was with her mom, driving down the busy Main Street, on their way to see Dina. Diane had arranged a sooner appointment. It was a rainy day and Elsa was trying to remember the date. "August 10th, August 10th," her head felt like it was wrapped in the past and chained to the darkness of sleep. Everything was moving slowly, even sounds were distorted as if slowed down. Time felt like molasses on Elsa's senses. "Hey Mom, is time going by really, REALLY slow for you?" Even her own voice sounded slowed down, ringing loudly in her ears.

"No, not really dear. Why do you ask?"

"It just feels like I'm moving through time as if it's molasses or tar."

Diane wrinkled her nose. "Suppose it's a good thing that we're heading to see Dina. We can ask her about that feeling."

Elsa's eyes fluttered as they passed by the local church. The angels in the stained glass windows made her heart race. There was a funny but strong smell and Elsa's wrists and feet hurt, as if bound. Panic made her shake uncontrollably. Trapped, she felt trapped. There was another feeling. Was she floating? Elsa tried to move, but her body wouldn't respond. Her vision was fuzzy and had black around the edges, as if a vignette was placed around her eyes. "Mom, I can barely see..."

"We're almost there, sweetie, please be strong."

"I'm scared..."

Diane reached over and put a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "I'm right here for you, sweetheart. I love you, no matter what. I'll always be here for you." Diane parked as close to the doors of the clinic as she could. She looked to Elsa, seeing fear had frozen her daughter. "I've got you, hon." Diane got out and went to Elsa's side of the car. It was hard for her to read, but Diane guessed something was going on in Elsa's head. Carefully, she guided Elsa out of the car. She didn't want to cause Elsa anymore pain or fear. Slowly, they walked in and Diane checked them in. The receptionist made it an urgent check in, so Dina was out in a few minutes.

"I was told she seems out of it?" Dina asked Diane.

"Yeah. On the way here, Elsa said time was like tar and that her vision was fading. Is she okay?"

Dina studied Elsa, not touching her. "She's dissociating, possibly in a flashback."

"Is there anything we can do to help?"

Dina turned to the receptionist desk. "Get me a blanket, now." She turned to Diane. "We need to ground her. In this context, grounding means to bring someone into the present. Elsa, this is Dina, your psychiatrist. It's August 10th, 2016. You're safe. Your mother and I are here." Dina took the blanket and wrapped it around Elsa. "Can you walk on your own or do you want support?"

"Dina...? Mom...?"

Diane knelt by her daughter's side. "I'm here, baby. What do you need? Anything!"

Elsa reached out, as if blind. "Hold me..." Her voice was a terrified whisper.

"No problem," Diane picked her up and followed Dina into the office. She sat in a chair, cradling Elsa in her lap. "How do we ground her?"

"First, we need to figure out what she's seeing. Elsa, sweetheart, can you see anything?"

Elsa's gaze was blank and fixated on the wall. "Swinging light, angel statues, Dad..."

"That's good. What do you feel around you?"

"It's cold, there's something funny in the air, my wrists and feet can't move."

Diane frowned. "The basement. I know what she's seeing. Her father used to," she covered Elsa's ears firmly and spoke in a whisper, "try to exorcise 'demons' from her. He'd tie her down, burn incense and make her drink holy wine."

"That helps greatly." Dina waited until Elsa's ears were uncovered. "Elsa, you're not with your father, you're not held down. You can move if you want to. We'd never keep you from moving. Can you hear me?"

"Dina... I can hear you, but I don't see you." She weakly reached out again.

Both women took a hand. Diane held it tightly. "That's alright, don't push yourself. Just listen to our voices." Dina nodded, so Diane continued. "I'm holding you in my lap, you're safe with me and Dina."

Nassiri was watching the whole thing closely. She was waiting for when she could make a move. Not quite yet.

"Do you feel me holding you?"

"I, I think so."

"Good, focus on that. Do you see anything else?"

Now. Nassiri let a memory slip. One of the many failed exorcisms.

"Daddy... He's burning me... It's the funny smelling stick, it hurts!" Elsa started shaking again. "Why Daddy? I'm not a demon, there isn't any demon... Stop!" She thrashed around, hitting Diane in her jaw. "Don't touch me!" She stumbled from Diane's lap and crawled backwards until she hit a book case.

"Oh dear, she's in the middle of a flashback. We need to approach her carefully. It seems any physical contact will cause a negative reaction."

Diane frowned, rubbing her jaw. "So how do we ground her?"

"We use her other senses. With touch and taste out of the question, we go to sight and hearing." Dina opened a desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of oil, a fidget cube, and white noise machine. "This is apple cinnamon oil. A strong but pleasant aroma to focus on while we ground her. The fidget cube we can put in her hands and she can play with it to bring her tactile sense to reality. The white noise machine can soothe her nerves." She turned it on to the sound of a gently babbling stream.

Elsa curled up in a ball, muttering about angels and burns. "Make him stop. Mommy, where are you?"

Diane's heart shattered. "I'm right here for you, baby girl. I'm never leaving your side. Take this," she gently placed the fidget cube in Elsa's hand. "Play with that, feel all the different things you can do with it. You're my brave 13 year old girl. You can do this."

"Elsa, it's Dina. I have something I want you to smell. Can you tell me what it smells like?" Dina opened the oil and held it under Elsa's nose.

Elsa was seeing her father bringing burning incense sticks towards her. "I smell something funny, like in church. I don't like it, get it away!"

"Try again, dear. It's not incense. It smells much better and safer."

Elsa sniffed several times, trying hard to distinguish the different smells. "Momma's pie?"

Dina shrugged. "There you go. That's the right smell. What does your mom's pie remind you of?"

"Warm winter nights, snowball fights, hot cocoa and a story while sitting in her lap," Elsa uncurled a little. "Momma, I can feel something fuzzy all around me."

"That's wonderful dear! We wrapped you in a blanket to help you feel safe."

"I do feel safe and warm," she snuggled into the blanket, but her eyes were still wide and fixed on the wall.

"What are you seeing?" Dina carefully moved closer, holding Elsa's hand.

"Everything is fuzzy, but I see chairs and my mom." Elsa tried to stand but her legs were numb. "Mom, come here." Diane quickly sat by her and took Elsa in her arms. "What just happened?" Elsa played with the fidget cube, fascinated.

Both women sighed, relieved. Dina sat in her chair and cracked her knuckles. "That is what's called a flashback. It's a form of dissociation and post traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. Basically, your brain goes back to a moment in the past and takes all of your senses with it. What we did to help you was called grounding. A process that brings you back into the present."

Elsa blinked, the information processing. "So my mind took me to the past on its own?"

"Unfortunately. I'm sorry, baby girl." Diane held her tightly.

"Elsa, I can teach you how to do that on your own."

"Would you? That was terrifying..." Elsa wiped her eyes and listened to Dina explain how to ground herself. She could use all her senses to fight it. Focusing on what she felt on her skin, what she smelled, what she saw, what she tasted and what she heard.

"When you feel it happening, acknowledge it and focus on the present. It's called mindfulness. Use your senses to tell your mind that you're safe in the present. If you can't stay present, tell your mom or an adult if you're at school. They'll help you. You can keep the bottle of oil and the fidget cube. Those can be your first grounding tools." Diane and Elsa closely listened to Dina explain mindfulness and grounding techniques.

Nassiri, pissed off, threw her glass at the wall. "Damn it! I almost had her back here! Looks like this will be more of a challenge. But that's fine. It wouldn't be enjoyable if it was easy. But now I know a trigger for her, two if I count her powers. That's plenty to work with for now." Nassiri cleaned up the mess she made and returned to her chair, plotting again.

What a chapter! I may have based Dina off of my own counselor, and Elsa's flashback on my own recent experience. But at least it's accurate! I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading/faving/following!

If you want something else of mine to read while waiting for the next chaper, I'm posting my novel series as well!

www. fictionpress s/3339121/1/Angel-Diaries