Apologies for the delay! A lot has happened recently. I've been struggling a lot with depression, and it's made writing rather difficult.

Chapter Text

Due to Legolas's wandering, I arrived at least forty or so minutes after Gandalf had summoned me.
Despite that, though, Gandalf didn't say anything upon my entering the room, simply giving me an unreadable look.

From the curious expressions of Elrond and Erestor, I assumed he'd probably said something before I arrived.
I'd likely hear about that at some point during the meeting, but at least I wouldn't be hearing about my nightmares. Hopefully.

I felt worlds better even after one night of slightly more normal sleep, but the nightmare still weighed heavily on my mind.
It had been a particularly bad one, and now despite feeling a bit more rested, I feared the thought of returning to bed.
What if they got worse? What if they were some sort of twisted vision of what was to come if I continued on this path…?

My memory of the last few weeks was spotty at best, but I knew that I had been behaving progressively worse over that time.
What if that was because of the nightmares? Were they corrupting my mind…?
I'd managed for a long time with the nightmares.
It was only when they were getting worse that my behavior took a nosedive…

Vaguely, I recalled that I had once read an article about how if you didn't sleep for a day or two, it sort of reset the part of your brain that dealt with sleep.
Sort of like fasting, for your metabolism.
Maybe that was what I should try. A vigil.

I was distracted from my thoughts by Gandalf's voice, as he began explaining their journey in more detail.
I spent the next few hours hearing about their travels, remaining quiet most of the time due to a mix of embarrassment from the mornings interactions, and thoughtfulness about my sleep predicament.
The trip to Lothlorien had gone quite well, and the talk with Galadriel had been very helpful.
She had affirmed that my presence was a change in itself, and therefore, we could not assume that things would stay the same, even without our altering things.

Gandalf also mentioned that she said she was looking forward to meeting me.
I wondered briefly if she knew we were going to meet after Moria, or if that was just a passing thought on her part.

Gandalf offered me a wax sealed envelope, before we started talking about the rest of their trip, softly explaining with a cryptic smile that Galadriel had written me a letter, and that she warned that it was for my eyes only.
I accepted it curiously, but did not open it, despite the inquisitive looks from both Elrond and Erestor.
I would open it in my room later, I decided. That way there were no prying eyes.

Galadriel had foresight, like Elrond, so there was no telling what type of important information she would deem necessary only for me.
I set the letter aside for the moment, and Gandalf continued telling us of their journey.

They'd arrived in Edoras and managed to keep a low profile with the help of Eomer and Theodred, mostly to keep Grima from finding out of their presence.
They were only there for a few days before Boromir arrived, but during that time Gandalf was able to bond with Shadowfax, releasing him to the plains of Rohan upon their departure from Edoras.

Boromir arrived to collect supplies for the rest of his trip to find Rivendell, as we'd expected, and he had naturally seemed quite surprised to find them there, though he was not at all hostile or hesitant in accepting their offer to guide him to Rivendell.
Shortly after they left Edoras with the addition of Boromir, Aragorn explained to Boromir his lineage and his intent to claim his birthright.
Apparently, Boromir was surprisingly calm about it.

Gandalf described that Boromir had been a bit skeptical at first, but when shown the shards of Narsil, and with the backing word of Gandalf, he'd accepted it rather quickly.
He had stated that he thought the stewards of Gondor had been doing a fine job, and that he would not blindly support or follow Aragorn simply because of his lineage.
He followed it up by saying that the return of a king would not be a bad thing if Aragorn were fit for the position, but that if Aragorn was not, Boromir would do whatever was necessary to keep his home safe.

Gandalf went on to describe their return to Rivendell, and the surprisingly easy way that Aragorn and Boromir bonded during that time.
Nothing terrible happened, there were no awful fights or disagreements, and they were well on their way to being lifelong friends by the time they arrived in Rivendell.

Hopefully neither of them would mention my…..bad reaction..to Elrond. Or anyone.
I needed to talk to them.

As Gandalf's tale came to a close, I started wondering how exactly to bring up the fact that I'd told Legolas some things.
I couldn't exactly say 'Oh, I was emotionally compromised because of terrible constant nightmares and a lack of regular sleep'.
That would definitely set off a few alarm bells and get me off the Fellowship.
So how did I tell them?

I could say he forced the knowledge out of me, but that might make them unhappy with him, and he didn't seem the type to do that...so that might make them distrustful of me…
Perhaps he caught me talking to myself?
I could say I was missing home, and that he'd found and comforted me, and I couldn't help but talk about it?

"Alyssa, is there anything else you would like to discuss while we're gathered?"
Elrond's voice broke me from my contemplation, and I realized that all three of them were watching me.

Oh god, what was I supposed to tell them?
"Ahhhh...Yes."

Why were they looking at me like that?!

Elrond tilted his head, his eyebrow raising just slightly, and that small movement was enough to make me say the first thing that came to mind in a rush, internal panic taking over.
"I told Legolas where I'm from and that I know things!"

I tried not to wince.
Well, that was not exactly the best way to say it, and I still didn't have a 'why' figured out yet…

They all looked a bit surprised at that, Gandalf and Elrond more than Erestor.

Elrond spoke first, voice smooth.
"I admit to some surprise, Alyssa. When we spoke of this previously, you did not seem...enthusiastic about telling him, or Aragorn. Have you changed your mind?"

"Not exactly..I still don't think we should tell them everything, but I've been doing some thinking…",
I hesitated for a moment, sure that they would see through my words for the lie they were,
"and I agree that it does make sense for them to at least know that I have knowledge, so that they know to take my word into account if I advise a particular path."

Elrond still looked a bit skeptical, so I powered on.

"And..well, he's...become something of a friend over the past few weeks. I felt bad lying to him…"
I tried not to watch their reactions too obviously. It wasn't a complete lie...I just hadn't exactly become that close of a friend with him...

Elrond and Erestor were nodding thoughtfully, but Gandalf was looking at me shrewdly, and what he said next made me wince a little.
"That was your conversation this morning?"

Why did he have to bring it up? I had just barely started to forget that embarrassment.
"Yes. It was just a conversation."

My voice definitely sounded a bit too defensive there.
The point was to make him not think about the interaction too much.
"I mean, we talked a little bit last night, but then I got tired."

Though, I suppose if we were being technical, I probably passed out from exhaustion and emotional strain.
"He had a few more questions, that's why we were talking this morning. I didn't want to say too much without discussing it with all of you first."

I watched them, trying not to hold my breath too obviously as I waited to see if they were going to accept the half truths.

Elrond watched me consideringly for a moment before giving a soft nod.
"While I do appreciate your caution, and your faith in our council, it is your information to share as you wish. Perhaps if you'd like our assistance in explaining more to Legolas and Aragorn, you might bring them here one evening for a conversation?"

Gandalf tapped his staff lightly on the ground, drawing our attention to him and giving me a serious look.
"If you wish to tell this to Aragorn as well, I think you should meet him prior to telling him, and allow him a bit of time to know you first. He will not take your words lightly. Especially when they are backed by Elrond and myself. He will put more stock in your knowledge if he has a gauge of your character first."

I bowed my head, biting back the guilt that welled up at lying to them.
"Thank you, I think I will bring them both here at some point to explain things to them. Maybe in a few days? Do you think that would be long enough to get to know Aragorn…? I just don't want to lie to him, and then have it be that a few weeks down the line I switch directions completely and tell things that are inconsistent."

That would definitely give a bad impression of my character.

Gandalf nodded slowly, "Yes, I think that would be acceptable. Is there anything else you would like to speak of?"

I glanced between them briefly before shaking my head.
Erestor rose, followed by Elrond, who pushed his chair in gently, voice soft, "Then I think it is time that we all went to dinner."

That was a dismissal if I'd ever heard one.
Offering them a slightly forced smile and a small bow, I collected the letter from Galadriel, heading out to my room to read it.

It was late evening by the time I left Elrond's study, and I couldn't help but berate myself for not getting any training in that day.
Perhaps I would spend the evening training.
The walk back to my room was slow and contemplative, as I attempted to puzzle out what Galadriel might write to me, before actually opening the letter.
Perhaps something of Aragorn or Arwen? Maybe some bit of information about Saruman, or Gandalf? She could might give me advice on how to deal with knowing the future?

So engrossed was I in my thoughts, that when I reached the hallway for my room and glanced up, I was completely caught off guard by the sight of Legolas sitting on the floor next to my door, another book propped open between long fingered hands.
He glanced up as I turned the corner, and I froze, doing my best impression of a deer in headlights.

my words stumbled, sounding strange and stilted to my ears, "what are you doing here?"

He rose, motions so fluid and graceful that I was vividly reminded again of how clumsy I must seem to them.
"You didn't quite give me an answer about whether or not you would join me for dinner tonight, so I thought I would seek you out."

That wasn't bizarre at all. Of course not.
Why was he being so persistent about this?

I had to pause for a moment at that.
Logically, I knew that dating dynamics didn't exist as much in Middle Earth.
Still, I had to repeat in my mind a few times, 'he's just being nice. It is not a date. Elves don't go for humans except in very rare scenarios. You aren't special enough to draw that sort of attention from an elf. He never ended up with anyone in the books, there's no damn way he's going to end up with you.'

Then another thought popped into my head.
He hadn't been there since I left, right? That would be verging on stalkerish and creepy, even for an elf.
"...How long have you been there?"

He waved one hand airily, as if the answer to that question didn't matter.
"Only a short while. Will you join me for dinner?"

I opened my mouth, intending to answer that I just needed a moment alone to read Galadriel's letter, but my breath caught in my throat as suddenly, the hurt expression of the hobbits flashed in my mind.
I'd been so horrid to them.

They definitely deserved an apology. Maybe I should make them cookies...Or a cake...Or a feast….
That seemed like an appropriate way to apologize to Hobbits.
Or maybe they would see that as more of a bribe...

Legolas raised an eyebrow at my continued hesitation.
"You don't have to if you don't wish to, Alyssa. I would simply enjoy your company."

"No, no, I'd enjoy that, but I think I need to apologize to some people….for my behavior recently.",
I hesitated for a moment more, trying to think of a good way to explain why, before I remembered that he knew about my nightmares.
All of a sudden I felt like a weight was off my chest, and I could breathe again.
I didn't have to lie, or hedge, or be vague.
"I wasn't getting very much sleep, so I think I was a bit short with some people. They should get priority."

His face took on an odd expression, matched with a soft smile.
"Ah. That is quite understandable. I shall be dining in the feast hall, should you finish with your apologies before the eve is through. May I walk you anywhere?"

For a moment I hesitated. I still needed to read Galadriel's letter.
"Ah..I actually need to take care of some things in my room first…"

He offered me a patient smile, leaning slightly against the wall.
"I do not mind waiting.", he held up his book, "I can occupy myself until you're ready."

I struggled to contain another sigh.
This felt like an abnormal amount of attention, and I wasn't really sure how to perceive it.

"Alright. I'll just be a moment."
I quickly entered my room, ensuring the door was fully closed behind me before moving to sit on the bed.
For a moment, I just sat, breathing slowly and looking at the closed letter.
What if she had a vision of me ruining everything and said I needed to leave?

My hand shook lightly as I reached for it, pausing just before touching it.
This could change everything.
I was terrified.

I shook my head sharply and snatched the letter up, carefully pulling the wax seal off and unfolding it.

I could do nothing but stare.
The entire thing was written in the flowing script of what I assumed was Sindarin, and therefore, completely and utterly illegible to me.

I groaned and flopped back on the bed.
How was I supposed to read a letter that was for my eyes only, when it was all in Sindarin?!

What if it was important?
It was from Galadriel!
It had to be important! Otherwise she wouldn't have taken the time to write a letter!
It was a long letter, too. It filled up the entire page, and the script was fairly small.

I let out a loud sound of frustration.
This was going to take ages to translate…
At least now I had something to focus on for the next few nights in my effort of staying up for as long as possible..

The muffled voice of Legolas called through the door then, "Milady, is all well?"

I let out a long sigh, then called back, "Yes, everything is fine. I just need one more moment."

"Of course. Take as long as you need."

I stared at the letter for another minute or so before giving up.
I sort of recognized letters here and there, and one or two of the more basic words, but the rest of it was just gibberish.
And I wasn't supposed to bring it to anyone to translate, since it was for my eyes only…

Maybe if I just brought it to someone, one word at a time…?
Different someones, so they couldn't put it all together, in case it was important?

Another breath left me in a drawn out sigh.
No. I should at least try to translate it first.

Giving up for the moment, I quickly changed into another set of training clothes, tucking the letter into one of the pockets.
It wasn't that I didn't trust the elves not to go through things in my room, it was just that if it really was important, it would be best to keep it with me at all times.
Just in case.
You could never be too careful.

Hey, maybe if I carried it with me all the time it would magically translate itself, or I would magically learn Sindarin.
I sighed again.
If only.

I paused for a moment before leaving my room, giving myself time to take a deep breath and attempt to prepare myself for the coming interactions.

Legolas was leaning against the wall next to my door when I stepped out, the book flipped open again and held in one long fingered hand.
He gently closed it, smiling at me, and offered his arm.
"So where are we headed?"

"I need to find the Hobbits."

I wasn't sure where I'd find the Hobbits, but I guessed that the kitchen would be a good place to start my search, so we headed there.
The walk to the kitchen was relatively quick, passed with small, meaningless conversation.
At one point, Legolas asked if I'd spoken to Elrond about telling me things, and I assured him that we'd touched on it, and that after a bit of deliberation we'd decided to have a meeting in a few days, with some of the people who would be on the fellowship.

He let it go after that, and the remainder of the walk was spent on easier topics.

He left me at the door to the kitchens, with a final parting, "Perhaps I'll see you in the dining hall later"

I found myself having to force myself not to admire his form as he walked away, and shook my head.
There was no place for thoughts like that. They were entirely inappropriate, especially with elves.
The last thing this world needed was more sexual objectification.

Apologizing to the hobbits went much better than I thought it would.
They were a bit subdued in their greeting, but after my apology and brief, rather vague explanation of why I'd been snappy, they warmed back up fairly quickly and we agreed to meet at the training grounds the next day around midday for training.

After talking with them for about an hour, I went in search of the twins.
They were slightly more elusive, but no less understanding when I finally came across them in one of the gardens.

They only let me get out a brief apology before dismissing my apologies altogether, insisting that they would hear no more, and the only way they would forgive me was if I stayed with them for the rest of the day.
Of course, it was said quite jokingly, but I still felt bad when I had to turn them down, to go in search of Arwen.
They accepted it with good grace, insisting that so long as I spent a day with them at some point, then the matter was considered forgiven and forgotten.
With that promise made, I left in search of Arwen.

I found Arwen by one of the pools made by the waterfall, sitting with Aragorn.
Even from further away I could tell he had cleaned up, and no longer looked travel worn.

A pang of uncertainty caused me to pause within eyesight of them, as I internally debated whether I should interrupt them.
They didn't get very many moments to themselves...Maybe I should find them later..

The choice was taken from my hands, though, as they both rose upon seeing me, starting towards my frozen form.

Arwen greeted me when we were within a few feet of one another.
"Alyssa, you're looking much more rested this evening. 'Tis wonderful to see. I don't believe you've had the chance to be properly introduced to Aragorn."

Aragorn watched me silently from her side, gaze assessing.
He had shoulder length, dark brown hair, flinty grey eyes, and much to my chagrin, he was just as tall as everyone else seemed to be in Rivendell.
His face was thoughtful, and didn't look nearly as old as I knew him to be, looking more like he was just a very healthy guy in his late thirties than a weathered ranger in his mid eighties.

I forced myself to look in his eyes, relaxing minutely as I didn't feel any overwhelming amounts of panic at the sight of him.
He almost had the same type of non-threatening aura that the elves did.

He was actually quite handsome.
I could see, at least from a shallow, physical perspective, why Arwen was so taken with him.

"We actually met last night, quite accidentally. I had hoped to meet him again to..clear things up a little bit."
I offered Arwen a smile as I responded, turning my eyes to her as I spoke to her, then returning them to Aragorn.

What was the appropriate greeting here? He wasn't a king yet, technically, but he would be eventually, and I knew it.
Was I supposed to bow? Curtsy?
He was a warrior, so was a handshake or arm clasp appropriate?
That seemed like it would be better for a comrade in arms or combat.
He probably wouldn't accept such a gesture from a stranger, let alone one that went into a full blown panic at the sight of him the night before.

I floundered for a moment, glancing down at my distinctly not curtsy worthy training clothes, that were decidedly not a dress or skirt.
When I glanced back up at him, it was to find a mildly amused expression on his face, and a soft smile on Arwens.

Again, he took the choice from me.
His voice was soft and low, a bit more gruff than the smooth tones of the elves, but no less pleasant to listen to.
"It's good to meet you properly, milady. Arwen has spoken much of you. You need not 'clear things up' as you say. I apologize for any distress myself or Boromir caused you. We didn't expect to see anyone about the halls at the hour that we came in, and we were quite distracted already from having met Legolas, so we did not take care to present ourselves in a more decorous way."

He bowed his head slightly at the end of his words, looking at me solemnly, and the next words he spoke showed quite clearly that he understood exactly why I had panicked.
"I am sorry for whatever caused you to react in such a way. I shall do all in my power to ensure that it does not happen again"

I stared at him for a moment, then forced a small nod, trying to keep a surprised stutter out of my voice.
"Thank you. I'm sorry I startled you. I shouldn't have been out that late, and I wasn't paying attention. I'm sure it was the last thing you were expecting to happen. I've...heard a lot about you..It's really great to finally meet you in person."

I paused for a moment, debating whether I should try to get them each alone to subtly try to ask them not to talk about this to anyone else.
It was no doubt too late to keep him from telling Arwen.
I mean, they were betrothed, so he would tell her, right?
Would she tell Elrond…?

I forced a calming breath.
If I panicked about it, she would definitely tell Elrond.
Though, I supposed I had already kind of panicked the previous night….Well, more panicking clearly wouldn't help anything.
I looked at Arwen, trying to come up with some lie that would make her less likely to tell Elrond, but the words fled from my lips.
I already felt awful for pulling away from her over the past few weeks. She deserved so much better.

She returned my gaze with serene patience, and a light of understanding in her eyes.

I faced her fully, taking one of her hands in mine.
Though most of me wanted to look at the ground, or at our joined hands, I forced myself to calmly look into her eyes.
"Arwen, I haven't been the best friend recently. I'm very sorry. I'm going to try to do better, but I'm still adjusting to being here, and I don't know if I'll ever truly stop. I'm trying. You've helped me so much, and I am very grateful. Will you please forgive me?"

She drew me to her using our joined hands, and hugged me, one hand pressing gently down the hood that covered the back of my head.
"Of course, you silly girl. You are not alone here. You need not face your struggles without aid. We all want to help you, you simply need allow us to."

My breath shuddered slightly as I tried to hold on to the calm I'd had before, and pressed my forehead against her shoulder. "You are a gift to the world, Arwen."

We ended up walking back to the main house together, Arwen happily chatting to both Aragorn and myself the entire time.
Even just from that short walk, I could see how besotted they were with one another.

The light in Arwen's eyes was bright and clear, full of joy.
It seemed to radiate off of her, and Aragorn basked in it, content and peaceful, existing only in each moment with her.
I'd never been so happy to be a third wheel before.

When they invited me to join them in the dining hall for the evening meal, I couldn't find a good reason not to accept.
Plus, it would let me sort of accept Legolas's invitation, while also not directly accepting it.
I stifled a scowl at the little bubbling of excitement at the thought of seeing him again.
Inwardly, I chastised myself again.
This was neither the time nor place for romance, nor was it ever going to happen with an elf. Not in a million years.

Even still, as we entered the dining hall, I couldn't stop myself from scanning the room, searching him out.
His eyes met mine as I found him, and his lips quirked up in a slight smile as he rose from his seat, making his way over to us.

"Alyssa, it gladdens me that you've joined us."
He smiled at Arwen, then turned to address Aragorn.
"Elrond wishes to speak with you, Aragorn."

Aragorn nodded at that, and with a final kiss to my cheek from Arwen, they both turned towards Elrond, Arwen's arm twined with his, sharing private smiles and soft words as they made their way over to Elrond.
I watched them depart for a moment, something twinging inside me to see them so happy together. Would they remain that way?
Would I succeed?

When I managed to drag my eyes back to Legolas, who had remained standing across from me, it was to see contemplative eyes on me.
Seeing that he had regained my attention, he allowed a smile to overtake his expression, though somehow it was slightly muted from it's normal joy.

"Is something wrong?"
The question, tinged with concern, came out before I could stop it.
And yet, the question seemed to cause the shadow to lift from his smile.

"No, and yes. A report has been returned by a scouting party on the edges of Imladris. A large number of orcs have been sighted in the area."
He paused for a moment, seeming to consider his words before speaking again.

"Elladan and Elrohir are leading a small company to dispose of the orcs. It's what Elrond wanted to speak of with Aragorn. He wishes for Aragorn and Boromir to join them, and I intend to go with them as well."
Unexpectedly, a jolt of stark relief passed through me, and I struggled to keep it from my expression.
I enjoyed his company, yes, but it would be so much easier to focus on my training with them gone, and I wasn't entirely sure how to act in the face of the attention he'd started paying me.

Then the dread set in.
I didn't remember anything like this from the books.
All of them going together? What if something happened to them?

After a moment of his expectantly watchful expression, I realized he was waiting for some sort of answer.
I floundered a bit. What was he expecting?
Was there some sort of cultural protocol that I didn't know about?
Did he expect it to be dangerous? Should I wish them luck?
Or did he think I was supposed to know something about this situation to better guide them to success?

He seemed to catch my bafflement, smoothly continuing as if I hadn't just not responded for an awkwardly long amount of time.
"I wished to inform you, so that you were not alarmed when we were missing from your training for a short while."
He peered at me, voice becoming much softer as he spoke again.
"I also wished to ensure that you keep your promise. Please do not isolate yourself again. We shan't be gone more than a few days."

The slimy voice that had quieted slightly after my night of sleep reared back up at those words.
It was clear he didn't trust me to keep promises, or even to take care of myself for a couple days.
He was probably going to tell Elrond about my nightmares whether or not I kept all the terms of his previous blackmail requests.

It wasn't like I was going to go out of my way to not take care of myself! Did he think me incapable?
I took a slight step back, pasting a pleasant expression on my face, "Of course. I'm sure I can manage for a few days. When are you leaving?"

His eyes roved across my face, seeming a bit bewildered at the apparent change in attitude, voice a touch hesitant when he responded.
"I believe we are going to be preparing and leaving this evening, so unfortunately I will not be able to attend this meal with you."

Did he think there had to be someone there to make sure I ate?
I maintained the pleasant smile, waving his words off dismissively, "That's okay, I was just escorting Aragorn and Arwen here. I ate earlier in the kitchen with the halflings, so I was just going to say hello, anyway."

"Ah, I'm glad you enjoyed that time with them, then. Your apology went well?"

"Oh yes, they were very understanding."

"'Tis good to hear. Perhaps you'll join me for a meal when I've returned, then?"
He smiled, tilting his head slightly with the question, and for a moment, the slimy voice was silenced.
Sure, maybe he was treating me like I couldn't take care of myself, but surely it was because he meant well?
He'd given me no reason to doubt him yet. How was he going to trust me if I couldn't take that first step forward to trust him?

The forcedly pleasant expression I'd held softened slightly, "That sounds lovely. We can talk more when you return. I'm off to train a bit before it gets too dark. I hope you have safe travels, and meet no difficulty in your goal. Good evening."
I offered a slight bow, since I had no skirts to curtsy with, and turned to leave the dining hall.

I didn't look back to see his expression at my sudden departure, but I swore I could feel his eyes burning the back of my neck until I turned the corner and exited the hall.