Chapter 5

His words hung in the air as Pam lay in Jim's arms, paralyzed by emotions too deep, too new to voice. She wanted to say it back, sensed how much Jim wanted to hear it, but somehow, she couldn't. She'd jumped the gun on sleeping with him, and as wonderful and powerful as that was, she still hadn't quite processed what they'd done, what it meant for her, for them. But the last thing she wanted to do was to hurt him, or mislead him into thinking she felt nothing, so she found his mouth and kissed him deeply, hoping her actions would convey the words she was still afraid to say.

He responded immediately, his hands traveling over her body, exciting her surprisingly soon after already coming apart twice under his skilled and knowing hands. After a moment of renewed passion, he slowed his movements, kissed her gently before they both got carried away again.

"You don't have to say it if you don't feel it," he whispered. "I just needed you to know. I've waited so long to tell you…"

"You have?"

"Yeah," he said, looking down a moment, blushing. "Almost since the day we met."

His words thrilled her, brought the sheen of tears to her eyes. All this time…she thought in wonder. She had sensed he had a crush on her, knew he liked her, cared for her as a friend. But love? God, she really had been blind.

"Wow," she whispered lamely. "It's all just so…overwhelming. Please…give me time to absorb all that's happened today. I can promise you though, this isn't some rebound thing, if that's what you're afraid of."

At the look in his eyes, she saw that she'd been right to suspect that fear.

"Okay," he said, nodding once. "But just so you know, I want you, all of you, body and soul, and I'm willing to wait for you until you figure it out. But in the end, I won't take less, Pam. I couldn't take it if you don't feel the same way I do, or if you're holding on to what you lost with Roy-"

She put a finger over his lips to stop that line of thinking.

"I will always care for Roy—he was my first in—in everything. But I'm not going to let him manipulate me or hold me down anymore. It was ten years of my life, most of it happy until the last couple, but it's time for me to move on, to find what truly makes me happy. Tonight, I've seen a glimpse of what that would mean with you. And I want it. I want you, like I've never wanted anyone before. More than anything, I want to see where this goes. I just need you to be patient with me, please…"

"I can do that, because I know you're worth it, especially after what I felt between us just now. No one has ever—God, Pam, I can't even put into words how incredible it is with you." His eyes turned softer, tinged with sudden humor. "You own me now, Beasly, and you're not getting rid of me anytime soon."

She smiled, flushed with pleasure, her fingers playful in the hair on his chest. She looked up at him mischievously. "So, you're like my…sex slave now?"

He grinned. "Most definitely. Your wish is my command."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Hmmm…that's going to require a bit of thought."

He rolled her to her back, covered her body with his. "Well, while you're thinking about it, I have a few suggestions…"

He kissed her, and she could feel beneath the covers how aroused he was already, something she wasn't at all used to. With Roy, it had always been one and done, except in the early days of their relationship, when they were both horny teenagers. Amazingly, Jim was making her feel that way again, and she was flattered to find that she was exciting him just as much. So, as he kissed his way to her breasts, then lower, to her flat stomach, before venturing lower still, she realized that she should maybe try to avoid making comparisons to Roy. For as Jim's tongue worked it's magic and she came beneath his mouth, she knew without a doubt there was no one in the world that could make her feel like Jim.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jim woke up about thirty minutes before their scheduled wakeup call to find Pam wrapped around him. Her curly hair, the stuff of his dreams, lay spread over his naked chest, its usual barrette lost somewhere in the sheets. Her slim, freckled arm was draped over his waist, her smooth legs tangled with his. She breathed deeply in sleep, and he realized he had never slept so comfortably with another woman before. When he'd had overnight guests in the past, he would have a restless night, awaking every time she moved. After the second time he'd made love to Pam, he was down for the count, and hadn't remembered moving or waking throughout the night.

He looked down at her in the dim morning light seeping in through the white blinds—he had forgotten to close the drapes. She was so beautiful, like an angel, as sappy as that sounded in his own mind, but he honestly couldn't think of a better description.

He lay there a moment in his hotel bed, trying to come to terms with the surreality of it all. The overriding emotion for Jim, however, was joy. He had never been happier in his life. And it wasn't just the sex—although that was incredible—it was just being close to her, just being able to express the feelings he'd had to suppress for years. It was liberating. It was exciting. It was life-changing.

Despite his best efforts not to wake her, she must have sensed the change in him, for slowly, she began to stir. He stilled, waiting for her reaction with a quickening pulse. Regret? Shame? Fear? But when she raised her head and looked up at him through sleepy eyes, he was relieved to see none of those emotions. Instead, he saw a soft tinge of happy surprise along with adorable shyness, as if she too had expected that it had all been a dream, only to find that it definitely had not been.

"Hi," he whispered, craning his neck to kiss her forehead.

"Hi."

They didn't speak again, as her hand idly played with his chest hair, their eyes meeting, all their feelings open for the other to see. Slowly, the air began to change between them, and she turned her head to kiss his chest, her hand following the hair down his taut stomach, before finding his morning hardness beneath the sheets. She caressed him lovingly, while her tongue found his flat nipple. He gasped at the dual sensations, his hand going to her head to gently hold her there. He allowed himself a few moments of enjoyment before he turned on his side, then pulled her back against his chest. Brushing aside her thick hair, he pressed his lips to the back of her neck, his hands moving around to cup her breasts, his erection firm against her buttocks. She shivered and pushed back against him.

Jim reached down to adjust himself, then, with a dip of his hips, he slid slowly into her from behind. His action was met with a gratifying "Ohhhhh," and as she moved to take him all in, he moaned his reply. One of his hands traveled down to the apex of her thighs, and he massaged her there in time with his slow, deep thrusts. He felt himself flushing all over with the heat and sensuality of the moment, their rhythm together perfectly attuned. As much as he would have liked it to go on forever, his orgasm took him completely by surprise, and he shuddered into his release. He barely registered that she followed him soon after, their cries echoing in the nondescript Nashua hotel room.

Still buried within her, he held her tightly, his face in her hair, eyes closed tightly in exquisite bliss. He hadn't thought it possible, but their simple morning lovemaking had surpassed any sexual experience he had ever had.

"I love you," he whispered near her ear, the only words that came close to adequately expressing his feelings in that moment. "I love you."

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Their seven o'clock wakeup call had interrupted sweet, tender kisses, the curse under his breath so vile that she'd laughed in only partly feigned shock. He didn't want any of this to end, and he had the sinking feeling that soon, all of this would be going away.

"Hey," she said, touching his stubbled cheek. He instantly calmed, his hand covering hers, and he made a concerted effort to cheer up. "The great thing about having two rooms, is we can both use the shower at the same time."

He grinned suggestively. "Or…we could conserve water and just use one…"

"Gee, Halpert, I never knew you were such an environmentalist."

"Every little bit helps, Pam," he said seriously, though his lips were twitching at the corners.

She chuckled. "Well, sorry to disappoint the world, but I think it best we shower seperately, or we'll never get out of here. We have a long drive this morning."

"Don't remind me." It was nearly six hours to their next and final stop, Trenton, New Jersey.

He watched her get out of bed, but when she tried to steal the comforter to hide her nakedness, he held it fast. She struggled with him a few moments in an impromptu tug-of-war, while she playfully cursed at him and he laughingly held on. Finally, giving up in the face of his superior strength, she let go, and, completely naked, practically ran out of his room through the open adjoining door to hers.

He laughed, telling himself he would never forget the sight of her alabaster white bottom bouncing pleasingly into the next room. Jim lay there another moment, basking in the afterglow, before sighing in frustration and rising from the bed, comfortable with his own nudity. He padded toward the bathroom, but, stepping on something hard and pointy, he barked out a pain-filled "Ow! What the hell?"

As he bent to pick up the offending object, he realized immediately what it was: Pam's engagement ring, all but forgotten after she'd thrown it against the wall the night before. He stared at it thoughtfully, a small diamond solitaire set in a thin, gold band. He passed no judgment on its size or quality—it was certainly commensurate with a warehouse worker's salary, and if Jim were to buy one, he figured his selection wouldn't be much larger. It had been on Pam's hand since he'd first met her, although he'd missed it until she'd told him she was engaged; in hindsight, because he'd wanted so much for her to be single, he hadn't bothered looking, and he'd felt like an idiot when she'd held up her left hand for him to see.

Yeah, he'd remembered thinking with intense disappointment, message received.

But now, finding her discarded ring had presented him with an entirely new message, one of hope, and he smiled a little, allowing himself to feel the happiness of it, imagining that someday a ring of his choosing might grace her lovely white hand.

Next door, he heard the shower turn on in the bathroom, and he took Pam's ring into her room, setting it down on the dresser next to her purse so she would be sure to see it. He suspected that she really wouldn't have wanted to leave it for a maid to find, that she would want to do the right thing by Roy (though he hardly deserved it) and give it back, which would certainly be another kind of message altogether.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

After a quick repast at the hotel's breakfast bar, they were off on the last day of their journey, both of them feeling bittersweet that their three-day escape was about to come to an end.

"Whoever set up the itinerary for this trip must have been on something," Jim commented, as he pulled onto the interstate going south.

"It was someone in David Wallace's office," Pam said with a laugh. "It all came down to when each branch could schedule the time for the training. At least we don't have to handle the New York branches. The salesmen from Corporate who went to the Atlanta convention are handling those. There are six offices in New York State alone, so in some ways we got off easy. Besides…I'm not minding the long drive today…"

He reached over and picked up her hand, bringing it to his lips. "Yeah, I guess it's not so bad." She smiled gently at him, squeezing his hand before he continued to hold hers on the console between them.

They had an unspoken agreement not to speak of heavy things, not to second guess last night's and the morning's revels. They had always enjoyed each other's company, after all, even before the mind-blowing sex, and the only difference now was that neither of them tried to ignore the constant hum of attraction between them, just everything else that awaited them back at Scranton.

And so they talked of small things, argued a little over radio stations, stopped along the way for bathroom breaks, lunch, and snacks. He let her take the wheel awhile while he dozed in the passenger's seat. They arrived at Trenton in the late afternoon and Jim gave his presentation, this time with more of the enthusiasm from the first couple of times. He supposed overwhelming happiness did that to a person. Their final destination was two and a half hours away, in Scranton

Pam was more subdued on this final leg, and she was almost glad when they hit traffic outside of Philly. She'd had plenty of time on the drive to think about what she would have to do now that she'd broken things off with Roy. She'd need a new place to live, for one thing. She'd called her cousin and best girlfriend, Isabel, when they'd stopped for lunch earlier, and she was happy for Pam to stay at her place for as long as she needed. Isabel had also had a few choice words about Roy, and Pam had always known what she'd thought of her fiancé. Ex-fiance. She would certainly have a supportive ally in her cousin.

But when the traffic finally thinned out, and they continued on their way north to Scranton, Pam felt herself begin to panic.

"What if we made a left, headed west to-to California?"

Jim laughed, taken aback. "What?"

"Yeah. We could run away from it all, leave Scranton and Dunder Mifflin behind us. Go find a warm beach in Southern California somewhere, where it never snows and the weather is always perfect. We could start all over, find new jobs that we love, maybe even go back to school. What's keeping us here, really?"

Jim glanced sidelong at her, his heart thumping as he allowed himself to consider it. She painted a beautiful, carefree picture. His vivid imagination conjured being completely alone with her in an exciting new city, with no Roy to interfere, no going to work at a dead-end job, digging his toes in the sand. Maybe getting a dog to jog with on the beach; eating lots of avocados…

"Our families are mainly in Pennsylvania, for one," he said, attempting to snap them back to reality. "We're both close to them. I'm pretty sure you'd miss yours terribly, especially your mom."

She shrugged. "That's what airplanes and telephones are for."

"Are you saying you'd leave them to start all over…with me?"

"Yes," she said, meeting his eyes as he turned to look at her. "It would be you and me against the world. Halpert and Beesly take on California."

"What about Halpert and Halpert?" he pressed softly, wanting to see just how far she might be willing to go.

Her eyes widened, and she glanced quickly away. "Maybe…eventually."

He nodded to himself, satisfied with her answer. He sighed. "We can't run away from this, Pam. But you're not gonna be alone, okay? I'll be here for you, whatever you need."

"I know. But it will be hard at first, with Roy…he's gonna try to talk me out of this, and if he finds out about you and me…it'll be a-a disaster."

He gave a humorless bark of laughter. "Yeah, you don't have to tell me that your ex could totally kick my ass. I'm well aware. But you tell him whatever you need to, to get free of him. Don't worry about me. I'd rather him take it out on me than on you."

"He wouldn't hurt me, if that's what you're thinking. I'm not afraid of him. I just hate confrontations, of any kind."

"I know," he said, squeezing her hand. "You don't want to hurt or upset anyone. Your first thought is always of others, not yourself. One of the things I love most about you."

She blushed. "Thank you. I wish I were as honorable as you think I am. I think you might be confusing selflessness with fear."

"Well I'm the last person to be judging you on that score. I've been afraid to tell you my true feelings for years. What does that say about me?"

"It says that you respected me enough to make my own decisions," she countered, "even when you disagreed with me. You've been a good friend to me, and whether you knew it or not, I couldn't have gotten through the last three years without you. When I think of all the times I complained to you about Roy, though—how did you keep from grabbing me and shaking some sense into me?"

He laughed. "Believe me, I have wanted to. But there have been more times I wanted to beat the living hell out of Roy for taking you for granted. And now I find out that he cheated on you—God! What the fuck was wrong with him?"

Pam was quiet in the face of his passionate speech, and she looked at him now with so many regrets. Not that she had finally admitted her feelings for him to herself, or that she'd slept with him, but that she'd wasted so much time on a man who had never looked at her the way Jim did.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly.

"Don't be. I'm so lucky that I have you on my side."

"I've always been on your side."

She nodded. "I know. And I'm grateful." She exhaled in a long, cleansing breath. "I guess you're right though. I have to go back and face the mess I've made of my life."

Jim glanced over at her mischievously, dying for some comic relief to calm them both down. "Looks like there's gonna be a cleanup in aisle five," he said melodramatically.

She laughed, just as he'd intended.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They entered Scranton's city limits just after sundown, and Pam directed Jim to Isabel's apartment. They sat in his car in the parking lot a few minutes, dreading their separation, even though they'd see each other the next day at the office.

"You're welcome to stay with me," he offered, for the second time. He tried not to sound too hopeful, but failed.

"I would love to, but I need time to think, to plan-and no offense, Halpert, but you are very distracting, and tend to turn my brain to mush."

He grinned. "I guess I should take that as a compliment."

"You totally should. Besides, I could do with some girl talk. And how am I supposed to talk about you with you?"

"So, you uh, plan to talk about me?"

"Definitely. In graphic detail."

He was glad it was dark so she couldn't see his blush. He also missed Pam's teasing smile.

"Well, okay then." He unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over to kiss her. His warm lips tempted her to forget all about Isabel and go anywhere he wanted to take her, but she resisted, her eyes watering with the willpower it took to leave him.

"I'd better go," she said against his mouth. "Isabel will be wondering where I am."

He reached up, brushed aside her bangs that had fallen from their clip, then kissed her sweetly once more.

"Okay."

They got out of the car, and he lifted her suitcase from the trunk, setting it down and lifting the handle so she could roll it.

"Thanks," she said, taking it from him. "Despite all the drama from last night, I had a great time." She smiled wryly, but her heart was pounding at the thought of letting him go.

"Me too." His eyes smarted with unshed tears, his throat grew tight. He'd never been so emotional around a woman before. Before she could say goodbye, he gathered her into his arms, kissing her with all the love and passion in his heart, and she dropped her luggage to bury her hands in his hair as she stood on tiptoes to better reach his mouth.

"I love you," he said, after dragging his lips from hers. "Everything will be all right, I promise."

She nodded, and he walked her to Isabel's ground floor apartment, holding her hand while she pulled her luggage with the other.

A tall, beautiful brunette in jeans and a Sixers t-shirt answered Pam's knock, and when he saw her sparkling eyes, so reminiscent of Pam's, Jim instantly liked her.

"Hey, cos," said Isabel, and gathered her cousin into her arms. Pam held tightly to her, the tears falling unchecked now. She pulled away, wiping her cheeks, then nodded to Jim.

"Isabel, this is Jim."

Isabel blatantly checked him out from head to toe, and Jim could feel his cheeks flushing at her direct appraisal. She had none of the subtlety of her cousin, that's for sure.

"Damn, Pam. You said he was cute, but you were totally holding back on me. He's adorable."

"Isabel!"

"Uh, thanks?" said Jim at the same time.

Isabel laughed at both of their reactions. "You want to come in, Jim?"

"Oh, no thanks. I hear I'd just be in the way of all the girl talk." And he winked at Pam. Jim resisted touching her again, unsure despite Pam's teasing, how much she planned to tell her cousin about them.

"If you change your mind and need a ride to work tomorrow, let me know."

"I'll drop her on my way to the dentist's office," said Isabel. Pam had mentioned she was a dental hygienist. "Don't worry your pretty little head about her."

Jim chuckled. "Okay. Good night, Pam."

"Night," replied Pam, her eyes bright in the porch light. "See you tomorrow."

"Nice meeting you, Isabel."

"Likewise."

And with a last glance of longing at Pam, Jim turned and walked slowly back to his car. He heard the two women giggling behind him before they closed Isabel's apartment door.

A/N: Thanks for reading. And for the sake of my fic, let's pretend Isabel hasn't moved to Carbondale yet, where she lives in season 6