Takes place at the time of 15X5 Wonderland Story. Yes, some things may not be completely true to timeline. The best way to read this is to also listen to the song Goodbye Love from RENT, preferably the movie version, but Broadway is fine at the same time or at least know the song kind of.
She saw him from across the room, standing with his back against the wooden lacquered bar. Olivia had to blink a few times to make sure that this was real and not a figment of her imagination. She was in the middle of her speech when her gaze met with his. She quickly recovered where she left off and finished, hoping that no one had noticed her delay, her nails digging to the inside of her palms, leaving half-moon shaped marks. Everyone at the gathering clapped as she stepped down to take her seat again. She swerved and scooted past a half dozen of guests, trying to make minimal contact with anyone. It was that awkward part after the applause and the next person was waiting for the last to sit. Just a minute of complete silence, that she wanted ended quickly. Before she fully settled in her chair, making sure to adjust her hair, sneaking a peek behind her.
When he first left the squad Olivia would see him anywhere and everywhere, well thought she saw him. Turns out that it ended up just being all in her head. Every male of similarity height and looks, she would mistake for him. She once picked up the phone and swore it was his voice.
Through her brunette locks she was not wrong. There he was. Elliot Stabler. Her ex-partner if that was a word. With normal Ex's there is some sort of contact, but that was in a relationship way. This was different, this was more than that. What is the term to describe what they had? Who knows? After he shot and killed Jenna, it was as if he had fell of the face of the earth. Every time she got a text, or her doorbell would ring, she was hoping it was him. With Jenna's death, Elliot had died there too. She never physically saw him. He must have been careful to plan his arrivals and departures when he put in his papers, to purposefully avoid her. Olivia had even come in early and skipped her lunches, to try and cross paths with him, to no avail. But here he was, just a few yards away.
He looked aged, but so did she. Olivia didn't mean that in a negative way, but she noticed the changes. When you work and see someone every day, you don't really see the gradual differences. Him being gone for a close to two years, she could see the changes that she normally wouldn't have noticed. Normally he was clean shaven, dressed in a button up shirt, tie and jacket, but the man she was looking at was the opposite. His jaw covered in stubble, some gray hair mixed in. His button up shirt was dark gray and looked like it hadn't been ironed. He just didn't look all put together. His eyes, those piercing blue eyes, had darkened slightly with the dark circles that rimmed outside of them. He must not be sleeping, she thought. We'll at least they matched in some way.
Munch had stepped up to give his speech then, referencing Olivia and the rest of her coworkers, with humor and Munchisms. The group of people coming to support him and the ending chapter in the NYPD.
After all the ceremony parts were finished, everyone was standing about, conversing with each other. The open bar packed as usual at any of these events. It had been an hour and she couldn't take her eyes off him. Olivia was becoming more inpatient with every minute. Was he going to just ignore her, still? It's not like they were going to have this huge reunion, with a big group hug, but he wasn't even acknowledging her existence.
Right now, Elliot was at the other side of the bar, his back to her. Cassidy and she were in a small little huddle chatting with Finn and Amanda. Chatting about how different the unit would be without John.
John was playing the perfect party host, trying his best to greet everyone there and was swamped with so many people, asking him what his plans were and if he was going to go on vacation and such. She had never thought there would be an SVU without Munch, but again she thought the same about Elliot.
Olivia excused herself, saying that she was going to use the restroom. She walked halfway across the room, then caught eyes with him. Immediately Elliot looked away, not even a hint of reaction.
That was it. She found up the courage, after she had a few drinks, to walk over there and ask him why he was avoiding her. After all the messages and call and emails, and still no word from him. He could have been dead in some ditch for all she knew. After more than a decade together, of stakeouts, cups of coffee, life and death situations, to shut her out like this was leaving this hole in her heart.
Olivia before couldn't imagine a word without her partner in it and now she was forced to live the nightmare. She waited for him to be by himself and took her approach, tapping on his shoulder. Elliot turned around almost surprised.
(Olivia)
"Why Haven't You Answered My Calls Or Checked In At All."
(Elliot)
"I'm Fine- Please I Can Handle This alone,
It's True You're With That Crooked Scum."
He shot back smirking taking his gaze up to Cassidy as he brought his drink up to his lips. Elliot had heard the rumors about Cassidy and his involvement with the most recent scandal. As Cassidy's gaze bet Elliot's, it was like the ringing bell of a boxing match played in the ears. Cassidy stopped talking and began to approach the bar, to assert whatever opinion into the situation. It was as if he had heard the comment. The scowl on his face and the pace proved even more that Elliot talking to "his girl" was not okay. Elliot was going to enjoy this a bit, as he took another sip.
(Cassidy)
"You Said You'd Never Speak to Him Again."
Cassidy came up behind Olivia, clearly fuming at her old partners presence. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder protectively. After months of nothing and this guy was going to show his face. Cassidy's blood boiled. Just as things were starting to get back to normal he had to see this clown. All the progress Liv was making was going to go up in flames, then he would leave her again, Olivia being crushed. No, not again. Brain was sure of it.
(Olivia)
"Not Now."
Olivia brushed him off, she didn't need this to become a fight between which man was manliest. She didn't need him to be her knight in shining armor. She was a big girl, she could handle this. She only wanted to talk to him, maybe he would open up to her finally. Brian always felt a certain way about Elliot, especially when she had broken it up with him her first year in the unit. He blamed Elliot for putting thoughts in her head and manipulating her into not dating him. He also resented the relationship she had with Elliot, the bond they shared.
(Nick)
"Who Said That You Have Any Say In Who She Says Things to At All?"
Nick charged up to them and interjected after hearing Cassidy talk to Liv that way. He heard a lot about Elliot through the years and tried to get an overall understanding of what went on between them. It was also any other way to not take Cassidy's side on anything. Throughout the months that the two of them were together, he started to dislike Cassidy more and more. He honestly wanted what was best for Liv. And that certainly was not Cassidy.
(Elliot)
"Yeah!"
He said agreeing with a man he never met before. Now she was taking orders from Cassidy, what a joke. He was shocked to even see him with her, he thought is was just a rumor, coming from the grape vine. But he saw them together one day walking hand in hand and when he questioned Finn about it, he hesitantly confirmed it.
This guy had the nerve to shove in his demands to Liv. She was better than this. What a downgrade.
(Amanda)
"Who Said That You Should Stick Your Nose In Other People's..."
Directing it to Amaro. She didn't know why Nick was getting involved with any of it. Olivia's business was obviously personal and with all that had been going on she wasn't about to step on any toes. Here he was, guns blazing trying to save the day. His short temper just always in the way. Amanda had wandered in the conversation as soon as she saw Cassidy walked up. She was just going to eavesdrop a little, until Nick opened his big mouth.
(Nick)
"Who Said I Was Talking To You?"
Nick turned and lashed out at Amanda, cutting her off mid-sentence. The volume of his voice went up significantly. The rest of the room started to turn their heads in their direction, seeing what the commotion was about.
Some of the anger he was letting off could be misdirected towards her, but he wasn't going to be overstepped by her. She had nothing to do with this. He was defending his partner, the end. Just in the few weeks, he had been irritated by her. She was always to critical of what he did, always quick to pass judgement. She was one to talk. He rarely would chime in, when she messed up.
(Amanda)
"You Always Think You're Right
In Each fight
He'd Never Admit, That He is Twisted"
She was furious. Since she started, he always did this. Always asserting his opinion and always thinking that he was in charge and it was his road or the highway. Amanda could only take so much of that Alpha Male crap. He was always correcting her, criticizing every move she did. It was as if her flaws were always under a microscope. She was a grown woman. Who the hell was he to talk to her in such a manner?
(Munch)
"Calm Down."
"Everyone Please."
John rushed over, putting his arm on Nick's shoulder to try to calm him. This wasn't his intention to cause a fight. He invited Elliot, thinking that maybe bygones would be put in the past. Munch's attempt to try to diffuse the argument failed as tensions got higher.
(Olivia)
"He Was The Same Way - He Was Always
Furious - Bitterness
Quick To Quit-Then Deal With It?"
Olivia cut in, yelling in Elliot's direction. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but she agreed with Amanda on this one. A lot of the things she was saying was almost a description of the partnership she had with Elliot sometimes. Yes, most of the time they were almost in synch but those little things and arguments they had were about the same thing. Elliot was never shy to share his say on what Olivia would do wrong.
(Amanda)
"He's In Denial."
(Olivia)
"He's In Denial."
(Amanda)
"You Give An Inch
When I Gave A Mile."
Both spouting it out to the men. They were straight forward women. This whole pleasantry stuff just wasn't working. Guys always fight it out, but with women, it's like there is a whole other rulebook that must be followed.
(Munch)
"Come On!"
He said even louder. His own retirement party was the magnet for all the people to get out their grievances on each other. The booze mixed with all the emotions that had been brewing for months created this excitement. Everyone convinced him to have a party, though he just wanted to sneak out the back door. He never met for this to escalate this much. He invited Elliot because of their history, and also to bring the whole family back again for one more time. Munch wasn't even sure that he was going to show. Putting Elliot's name on that invitation let him sleep at night. Normally he wouldn't mind people hashing it out, but the rest of the guests as the audience was not in the cards. This was for a different time.
(Olivia)
"I Gave A Mile."
(Elliot)
"Gave A Mile To Who?"
Elliot finally cut in. Pointing the question towards Olivia. There was always this invisible barrier she had around her. He would press her on things, and she would always give the run of the mill response that he had grown to hate. "I'm Fine". Even though she clearly wasn't. Those two words would shut down the conversation each time, and no more questions were to be asked. Olivia had a history of running from her problems, so many times he bared his soul to her, the good, the bad, the ugly. Things he could never tell his wife. He was practically an open book, but when the roles were switched, she darted. Each time she avoided his prying, Elliot thought that his own partner couldn't trust him. They had been through the ringer and back many times. He didn't expect Olivia to spew her guts out in a messy pile. He just needed someone to be his equal. Elliot didn't want to be the weak one, the one that held their partnership back. He knew his mind had played tricks on him. There way no way that Olivia didn't have these problems on her own, and the way she dealt with them was different. He needed the reassurance that she could come to him and share those dark parts to him. Elliot was too weak to just say that to her, because if she took that in the wrong way, she could walk away.
(Munch & Finn)
"Come On Guys Chill!"
Finn had jumped in a bit ago, inserting himself in between Liv and Elliot. They both tried to deescalate the argument, getting in the middle, trying to separate the group. This massive argument was like a soda bottle shaking up until it is ready to explode. It had been building up and long overdue.
(Olivia & Amanda)
"I'd Be Happy To Die For A Partner
Who Stood Their Ground
Someone Believe In-Unafraid
To Not Give Up On You."
Amanda and Olivia overflowing with emotion. At this point they didn't give a damn who was watching. Let them all see. The dysfunction, the things they had to live with. Their claims weren't too much to ask for.
(Elliot)
"All Your Words Are Nice And Sweet
But Everything's Not In Concrete
You'll Never Understand
Until You Hate Your Self-I Should Know."
Elliot interrupted the two women. Olivia preaching that this gap was made by him was ridiculous. He tried to keep it all bottled up inside, but he paid the ultimate price for that. He truly hated himself. At this point, he was over the amusement phase and Liv saying these things, was outrageous. Rage engulfed him as he shouted over them, his stance threatening, and close to exploding. Elliot was now just a foot away from Liv, he wanted to get in her face. To shut it all down. He was up to his normal routine of trying to intimidate his opponent. He just could hear Liv pretty much say he was a bad partner, it hurt too much. He tried. But to act as if he was never there was absurd.
Olivia backed up. Cassidy ready to strike at him. Cragen grabbed Elliot, putting a halt to this circus. Almost as if he had to be the parental chaperone.
(Cragen)
"You All Said You'd Be Calm Today
So Please-For My Sake...
I Can't Believe you're gone (To Elliot)
I Can't Believe You're Going (To Munch)
I Can't Believe This Family Must Die
It's a team I'm surely proud of
You've made this dream a reality."
He was heartbroken, that the people he almost looked at like his sons, and daughters were fighting like this. It was as if it was an end of an era. He looked towards Munch and Finn, signaling them to further break this charade up. They all needed to sober up, before any of them really did something regrettable. They already were going to be embarrassed with themselves.
(All)
"I Can't Believe This Is Goodbye."
They all stood there in silence for almost a minute looking at each other, looking of what they had become. All the hateful words that were said, all the dirty laundry that was aired in front of a roomful of people.
Olivia's phone rang knocking everyone out of their thoughts, scattering about. Amanda and Finn walked away together, while Nick went back to the bar, closing out his tab. Olivia hesitantly picked up the call, walking away from Elliot. Cassidy followed behind. Munch had to go back to the rest of his guest, even though he was over it all.
Don and Elliot stood there. Cragen felt for him, knowing the hardships that he had endured through in the last year and a half.
** A bit Later**
Munch walked into the precinct locker room. Elliot was in there to his surprise, which was the last place he expected him to be. There were still some of his possessions in one of the lockers, and Munch assumed Elliot was there to clean out the final memories of his existence. Funny how this was the place that they had shared so many conversations. Now it was time to pack up all their things, leaving all the memories behind. He had been apart of homicide since 1983 and then had to the NYPD. His life had been in the force for thirty years, it was the only life he knew. He tried to be retired once before and it didn't work out. He was going to miss this place, his family. He never really had a great home life, or childhood. Maybe since there was time to cool off, maybe he could talk to Elliot. Maybe try to understand him. Their lockers were almost across each other. A bench separating them.
(Munch)
"I See You Are Handling This Fine
I'm Impressed"
He said sarcastically. Elliot hadn't reached out to anyone since he shot Jenna. Munch as well the rest of them tried on several occasions to get ahold of him, but each call was dismissed, and each text was read and unanswered. While Olivia fell into a rut of grief, Munch and Finn took the other route, anger. For Elliot just to walkout like that was inexcusable. It's was John's first response to go to mockery. It wasn't to humiliate or demean him. He just wanted to bridge the gap.
(Elliot)
"I'm Not Depressed. How Could She?"
He said as he opened his old familiar locker that had seemed to collect dust throughout the year, years he thought to himself. It felt longer. How did no one empty out this thing? He expected the items to be thrown out in the garbage or buried in Cragen's office somewhere. But knowing that the precinct was short staffed, there was no need to clean out lockers, when there were no new bodies to refill them. Cragen had mentioned at the bar that he should go get his things. He didn't say that hurtfully. But he mentioned to him that it would help with closure. After they all left, him and Don had talked for a while longer. It always helped. Cragen was the only decent father figure he had in his life. He had stayed in contact with him since the shooting. So many nights where he couldn't sleep, Don would meet him at some diner. Sometimes they talked, other times they sat in silence, but having him there was the point. Elliot assumed since it was getting late that most of the precinct would be empty. He could sneak in, grab his things, then disappear.
He was miraculously surprised he still knew the combination, but after twelve or more years, it was muscle memory at that point, it was practically second nature. Everything was still there as he left it, just with a layer of dust on it. After the shooting he never went back into the precinct, it was too difficult. He couldn't walk past the area where Jenna's bodied laid cold. The pool of blood that seeped around her. Her eyes lifeless, and him holding the gun, the gun that was used to shoot the her.
(Munch)
"How Could You Let Her Go?"
Practically yelling at him. There was more privacy in the locker room and there was a good chance they wouldn't be interrupted. He wanted to knock some sense into his old friend. He didn't want to say anything in front of the others. He didn't care about the people that saw, oh well. Munch just wanted to say what he wanted to say, get it off his chest. After holding it on for so long, it started to eat away at him.
(Elliot)
"You Just Don't Know... How Could I Just Kill Her?"
Turning his head around to face Munch then turning back into his opened locker beginning to pile things into the cardboard box that they normally stored evidence files in. He didn't want to face him, he didn't want to do this now. He was exhausted. Elliot just wanted to go home and just be alone.
(Munch)
"Maybe You'll See Why, When You Stop
Escaping Your Pain
At Least Now If You Try-Jenna's Death
Won't Be In Vain."
Munch tried to reason with Elliot. He wanted an explanation, a reason that he abandoned them. They were family, not by blood, but they all cared about each other. They would have been there for him. John mimicked, putting his own stuff into a cardboard box.
(Elliot)
"Her Death Is In Vain."
He said over him, still facing his locker. An obvious warning to not press any further. He scratched at his stubble on his chin. When he looked in the small locker mirror. Another day that his appearance went unkept. It had been some time since he looked in a mirror and liked what he saw.
(Munch)
"Are You Insane?
There's So Much To Care About
There's your Family, There's Olivia"
Clearly Elliot didn't want to listen to him and his self-pity routine was in full swing. Munch knew that Elliot was in the middle of a divorce, again. This time was most likely going to be permanent. All his relationships had suffered the event. John felt for him, it was terrible. After Jenna's mother had gotten killed, Elliot's mood had changed. He saw Jenna suffering. Things were supposed to get better after her mom reported the rape. But then she had to watch her mom get killed and it was devastating. The case was dismissed, and they kept feeling like they were taking so many hits. But when Jenna walked in to that station with that gun, it was only going to end bad. When Elliot made that shot, he was a changed man. It was as if he had shot one of his own children. So much bloodshed in one day.
(Elliot)
"Liv's Got Her Baggage Too."
Adding in the comment just to get an escalation out of the man before him. If John wasn't going to stop then Elliot was just going to try to piss him off. Maybe then he would just leave him alone. Elliot just wanted to get his things and leave as quickly as possible. Being back in the precinct upset him.
(Munch)
"So Do You!"
He fired back at him. How dare he think that Liv was the one who was damaged, some sort of dead weight needing to be protected. She had been through hell and back. Her past didn't define who she was, and he couldn't believe Elliot would say any of this. This wasn't like him. Was the old Elliot Stabler gone?
(Elliot)
"Who Are You To Tell Me What I Know, What To Do."
Elliot faced his old colleague. He had enough of Munch's lectures and wisdom for a day. He had no idea what he was going through.
The day he shot that girl was the day that he permanently checked out. Each time he closed his eyes, he saw her, bloodied on the ground. The pull of a trigger led to months of severe depression. He was in a middle of a divorce. Kathy his wife for over twenty years, couldn't help. No one could. He tried to pull it together. The only thing that would stop the images in his head were when he would blackout from drinking. One day he was at the house, he opened the tall cabinet, and there it was, the bottle of vodka. It was like a saving grace. He just wanted to forget it all. In his head, he just heard screaming, and a gun going off. The grief counseling wasn't helping, and all the calls and texts flooded him, asking if he was okay and that they were there for him. It had burned going down at first. Good. He wanted it to hurt. He wasn't trying to feel good, he needed to suffer. Halfway through the bottle he felt numb. The heat faded and the voices quieted. He could sit there in the silence without the reminders. His mind just in the calmness of space.
Soon it was a feeling he had yearned for constantly. He just wanted the pain to subside for just a moment, just so he could catch his breath. The world was smothering him, and he couldn't swim. This had seemed like the only way he could survive another day, hour, minute.
Kathy had tried to ignore the drinking at first, but soon she confronted him. She didn't sign up for this, to come home from her part time job to her husband passed out. She told him to leave and get himself cleaned up. The withdrawals would have him tremoring, his head throbbing. He would only be able to make a few days, being sober. It wasn't enough. Soon after the separation happened, giving her custody of Eli.
Don had found him, offering his home to him. For a week he spent with Elliot, helping him through the effects of the alcohol withdrawal. Elliot for days was huddled on the floor near a toilet, unable to retain anything down. During which, Elliot had hallucinated the young girl he killed, the image of her haunting him. Cragen was able to keep him grounded.
His battle with alcoholism had been tough, and he was too afraid to ask anyone for help. He didn't want to be portrayed as weak. He was a cop, he was supposed to do the saving. The guilt of falling down the rabbit hole, being utterly helpless, for losing his family. He didn't want to be the burden. Cragen had saved his life, when Elliot was ready to give up.
(Munch)
"A Friend."
John saying as if maybe Elliot forgot what a friend was. A person that looks out for each other, to help them. John
(Elliot)
But Who, Munch, Are You?
"Munch Has Got His Work"
They Say "Munch Lives For His Work"
And "Munch In Love With His Work"
Munch Hides In His Work
He exclaimed, while throwing his stuff into the box, almost knocking it off the bench.
(Munch)
"From What?"
John couldn't even get a word in without being interrupted.
(Elliot)
"From Facing Your Failure, Facing Your
Loneliness, Facing The Fact You Live A Lie
Yes, You Live A Lie - Tell You Why
You're Always Preaching Not To
Be Numb, When That's How You Thrive
You Pretend To Create And Observe
When You Really Detach From Feeling Alive"
Elliot was trying to take out his anger on him and push him away. The obvious jabs at his many failed marriages. John's constant jokes, to divert from all the unhappiness that he felt. He would bury himself in all conspiracies, to distract himself from his personal problems. How could he preach all this, when he hadn't been able to keep a relationship going for more than a few years. Who made him the higher power?
(Munch)
"Perhaps It's Because I'm The One Of Us To Survive"
Munch shouted back at him, finally growing tired of the antagonism being thrown his way. He could tell that Elliot was suffering and that he was just trying to get a rise out of him. Much had struck through the worst of it all. When so many had decided to leave SVU, he stayed. When times got hard, he didn't abandon his unit. He was always there.
(Elliot)
"Poor Baby"
Elliot saying to get Munch to stop talking to him. At first, he thought leaving was giving up, but now he realized it. Only the fools stay. What were they accomplishing in this unit? The predators still ruled the city, each day a new case, a new victim. When would it end?
(Munch)
"Olivia Still needs you
Are you really that selfish
Or Afraid That Liv's too weak"
Pressing him to talk to him.
(Elliot)
"She Did Look Pale"
Admittingly, he agreed. He saw the News and the papers. Elliot's heart stopped when he heard Liv's name as the officer who had been abducted. He anxiously awaited by his phone for news from Cragen. He didn't want to show up at the precinct, thinking that he would just be in the way.
He now realized that he had made the wrong choice. After that, there was no way he could call or visit. He wasn't there. He should have been, and he was kicking himself for it now. There was a line that he made, and now he could never cross it. Nothing would be the same, or like it was before.
(Munch)
"Liv's Suffering
You Didn't Know The Hell She Was In
And you're Running Out The Door—"
John pleaded. Liv needed him, everyone noticed. There was a light that went out ever since Elliot left. Things had only gotten worse. The horrible thing she had done to her, the people lost. He didn't want Liv to break. The long nights that she stayed at the office, to avoid going home. Her relationship with Cassidy was fragile at best. No one knew how to approach her, to provide any sort of comfort. She asked for him. After she freed herself from Lewis, at the hospital. Her expression on her face when they couldn't give her an answer was heartbreaking. Olivia was lost, only her partner could help her find her way.
(Elliot)
"No More! Oh no!"
"I've Gotta Go"
He grabbed the evidence box with his belongings in it, then headed towards the door. He couldn't do it anymore. He was craving his addiction, and it was best just to leave, before he was tempted further into seeing the end of the bottle.
(Munch)
"Hey, for somebody who's always been let down
Who's heading out of town?"
John jabbed in. John knew how Elliot's father treated him and the many friends he had in the military that had never gotten back to him. How that all felt, and now Elliot was becoming one of those people.
(Elliot)
"For someone who longs for a community of his own,
who's with his conspiracies, alone?"
Turned around one last time. Taking a final dig. As soon as he said that he filled with remorse. He was always one to say things in an argument that he would want to take back.
(Elliot)
"I'll call"
"The Hell With It All"
They made one final nod towards each other. They would work things out one day. He would apologize.
Elliot walked out of the locker room. He looked up seeing Olivia standing there. The metal door closing with a thunk, breaking the silence between the two.
(Elliot)
"You Heard?"
He didn't know what to say, what to do. Did she hear all the things he said about her, about John? God, he didn't think this through. He assumed that she wasn't going to be there, he should have just gotten his stuff and left right away. Having that feud with John only prolonged his stay.
(Olivia)
"Every Word
You Don't Want Baggage Without
Lifetime Guarantees
You Don't Want To Watch Me Die?
I Just Came To Say
Goodbye, Love
Goodbye, Love
Came To Say Goodbye, Love, Goodbye"
Olivia said to him. She wasn't try to cause a scene. She wanted to forgive him, to understand why he wasn't there. Is that why he didn't want to be around her? Was he scared that she would get killed, or that he would get her killed? Elliot maneuvered himself around her.
(Olivia)
Just Came To Say
Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love,
Goodbye!
(Elliot)
Glory
One Phase Of
Glory
Have To Find
He gripped the container tighter. He couldn't do this. Not now. Elliot had to leave, this would be better. He barged through the group of people talking, knocking on of the younger cops off his balance. Olivia stood there, in the middle of the squad room in shock. She wanted to cry right then and there, but she couldn't. Her heart was breaking right in front of her, again. It felt like a cruel joke. To see him, then for him to leave.
Finn immediately came up to her. She didn't want the obvious questions. No, she wasn't alright, but she didn't want them to worry. Amaro was on at his desk answering a call.
(Olivia)
Please Don't Touch Me
Understand
I'm fine
I Need To find a place
(Nick)
Another case- At a Clinic
He sounded urgent. He looked up at the two of them, the phone still held up to his ear.
(Finn)
I'll go
He said as more of a question, if it was alright.
(Olivia)
Maybe-Could You?
Olivia nodded towards him. She tried to control the shaky tone of her voice.
(Finn)
I'll cover for you
Finn volunteered knowing that Liv was is no shape to handle it. He grabbed his coat by his desk. Finn looked back at her, before he left with amaro. She gave him a half smile, but her lips wouldn't stop tremoring. She urged him to go. As soon as he was out of sight, she went to the one place she would be left alone.
Olivia walked to the closest vacant interrogation room. As soon as she shut the door behind her, the tears began to fall from her eyes. She stared at her reflection though the two-way mirror. The person looking back was the shell of who she once was. The dark circles under her eyes was enough proof that she wasn't sleeping. She would toss and turn throughout the night. Scared to fall asleep because then her dreams became nightmares. She spun again, placing her back against the cool concrete wall, sliding down. She crouched down. She needed a minute to break down.
All this time with no word and to see him here today stirred up so much hidden emotion. When Lewis took her hostage for days she thought of Elliot a lot. She imagined him somehow bursting through that beach house door and saving her. It was unrealistic, she knew it, but it was all she could think about. It was the only thing she had to cling to. There was a point that she really thought she was going to die there. If she could see one person, one last time it would be El. Lewis taunted her, tortured her. He threatened to leave her dismembered body on Elliot's doorstep. He stole a picture of them, that she had framed and displayed in her apartment. He would force her to look at it, when he burned her. Had her kiss the glass of it. He kept saying "Who puts a picture of some guy in their bedroom. This isn't your boyfriend. Detective Benson, is this your side piece?"
When she got free from her restraints and beat Lewis with the iron rod pole from the bed, she imagined that she was Elliot. All those times his anger got the best of him. She pictured that it was Elliot doing it. When she looked in the mirror and saw herself, with that same look in her eyes, she dropped the pole from her hands. The sound of it hitting the floor made her jump. Looking down at the damage she had caused, made her sick.
(Olivia)
Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love
Came To Say Goodbye, Love, Goodbye
Just Came To Say
Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love
Goodbye
12 years…
She rose up, quickly rubbing her eyes with her fingers. She tried to pull herself together. Dragging her fingers through her hair. She tried to improve her appearance. Olivia took a deep breath opening the door and walking back into the chaos she called her life.
A/N - Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I didn't realize taking on this certain song was going to be so long of a process. Yes many times I acted out the Elliot Munch dialogue in my room. I have a few more songs I am planning to work on. Please review and let me know what you think of it.