Petunia hummed beneath her breath as she put the finishing touches on the cake she was making for Dudley's birthday. It had been a number of years since he had agreed to come home for his birthday, saying that he was too busy with his family, and the life they had made, away from her. She should have known that her bitterness towards Harry would have led to this rift between her and Dudley, since her hatred of the world that had rejected her had created a rift between her and Lily, all those years ago. And now that she was nearing sixty, Petunia found herself turning introspective, wishing that she had made a different choice all those years ago. Maybe, then, Harry wouldn't have felt the need to never return. Brushing the back of her hand across her eyes, Petunia tried to tell herself that she wasn't crying, that it was merely sweat from baking in the overly hot day.
With the cake finally finished, she placed it in the refrigerator and then went into the living room, sinking down onto the overstuffed sofa and turning the television on to the news. She had never imagined that she would be that person, but ever since the end of the war in Harry's world, she found herself paying more attention to what was going on, knowing that there were clues hidden there that most people wouldn't pick up on. There didn't seem to be much out of the ordinary, and so she turned the telly off and went to the door, placing her sun hat on her head before heading out to the garden and working through her nervousness over Dudley's family coming over later that afternoon.
The sun was actually shining quite brightly, and Petunia found herself tiring quicker than usual, heading inside after only two hours in the garden. Glancing at the clock, she saw that there was enough time to take a shower and freshen up before they arrived, so she trudged upstairs to the bathroom, stripping out of her soiled dress before stepping into the shower and letting the water stream down on her body as she tried to think positive thoughts. There was still that sense of impending dread in the pit of her stomach, a feeling that she had learned to listen to, as it had rarely, if ever, been wrong.
When Petunia stepped out of the shower, she didn't feel refreshed, though she knew she was clean, and she wrapped a towel around her body before making her way into her bedroom and stretching out on her bed, staring up at her ceiling as she tried to calm her racing heart. "You are making a mountain out of a molehill, Petunia Dursley. Your mistake was in thinking about Harry and allowing the past to color the present." Closing her eyes, Petunia took a few deep breaths, picturing the happy feeling that would fill her heart when she saw her granddaughter and would be able to hug her tightly as she welcomed them back into her home.
The knot in her stomach began to ease a little, and she sat up, letting the towel fall away from her body as she stood and went over to her dresser, pulling on a fresh set of undergarments before drifting over to the closet and choosing her best summer dress to wear, wanting to look good for her son and his family. Then it was back into the bathroom, where she dropped the towel into the hamper before quickly applying her makeup and arranging her hair into the style she was leaning towards those days. Satisfied with how she looked, Petunia made her way downstairs, once more turning the telly on as she sat and waited for someone to knock on the door.
Time slowed to a crawl as she waited and waited, and she fell into a light trance, not really seeing what was happening on the screen as she began to worry more and more that they had changed their minds and wouldn't show. The shrill sound of her ringtone cut through the haze she was in, and she blindly grabbed for it, accepting the call before bringing the phone to her ear. "Hullo?"
"Hiya, Mum. I really hate to do this with so late notice, but Astrid came down with a stomach bug, and I don't want to bring her out while she's so ill. We'll make a new date to get together soon, I promise."
"All, all right, Dudders. I'll just send your birthday gift via post then. Happy birthday, darling." Petunia hoped that she sounded normal enough, even though she felt like her heart was breaking in that moment. "I'll talk to you soon."
"That sounds good, Mum. I love you."
"Love you, too," she managed to choke out before ending the call and carefully placing her phone on the table next to her, knowing that she couldn't afford another device if she did something stupid and threw it across the room in an effort to purge her body of the sorrow and anger coursing through her body. "Fuck," she muttered, feeling that the situation called for such strong language. Vernon had never cared for her proclivity to swear when she was under a lot of stress, so she had learned to temper her language so that he would refrain from correcting her. With him gone, she had started to allow previous habits to creep back into her life, and it felt right to her.
Glancing up at the mantle above her fireplace, her eyes were immediately drawn to the picture of Dudley and his family, the one he had sent to her for Christmas, and her heart broke into a thousand shards as she allowed herself to howl and cry for missing her son and his family on his birthday. A part of her wondered if this would be forever her curse, to be alone, with no family, for the way she had treated Harry. Oh, she knew now that some of her actions had been influenced by that part of Harry that wasn't Harry, but instead a sliver of another man's soul. She hadn't understood the mechanics, only that Harry had been trying to offer her some measure of absolution for her troubled soul, an absolution that they both knew she did not deserve. Those thoughts just made her sob all the harder, and Petunia curled into herself as she gave into her bitter tears of remorse and anger.
So focused on her sorrow was Petunia that it took her far too long to recognize that someone was knocking on her door. Though she knew that it was such an improbability, she couldn't keep her heart from leaping up in her breast at the thought that perhaps Dudley had heard the acute sorrow in her voice and changed his mind about coming after all. Aggressively swiping her hands across her eyes, Petunia cleared her throat and called out, "Just a minute, Diddykins!"
Rising to her feet, she smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress and tried to paste a happy smile on her lips, knowing that there was a good chance that her mascara had run down her cheeks with the strength of her tears, but she didn't have time to fix that, and he would just have to witness what his words had done to her. Finally, she shook her head a little and crossed over to the front door, her smile wavering a little as she opened the door to look out and see someone that was wholly unfamiliar to her. "I'm sorry? I think that you have the wrong door."
The man turned to look at her, and she felt pinned by his all too familiar eyes. Petunia took a few steps backwards and almost tripped over a small hump in the area rug. He reached out and took hold of her elbow, steadying her as he let himself inside, closing the door with a soft thud. "I didn't think that I would have quite the effect on you," he said slowly. Even his voice was different, drawled and stretched, as if he was trying to command her attention. From what Harry had told her, Severus had been a teacher at that school, so it made a certain sort of sense that he would speak that way.
"Today has not been the best day. It's my son's birthday, and he has decided at the last minute not to grace me with his presence, even after I went to bake him his favorite cake. So, I suppose that I saved you a piece."
To her horror, her eyes filled with tears, and she pulled away from him to flee into the kitchen, pressing her stomach tightly against the counter as she sucked in deep breaths of air in an effort to calm her heart down. There was a quiet padding of feet behind her, and she refused to acknowledge his presence. "Where is the cake?" he asked, as if he knew that she was not ready to face him.
"In the fridge. You won't be able to miss it."
The rustling sounds told her that he was getting it out, and she took a few more breaths before sidling over to the cupboard and pulling out two plates for them. "This looks delicious. But then, you always did take after your mother in your baking."
"Thank you," she replied softly as she set the plates down before grabbing two forks and a knife to cut the cake with. "Harry told me that you died. I heard from Dudley that he named one of his sons after you and Albus. And yet, you show up on my doorstep, seemingly alive, and I can't find it in my mind to be shocked. Maybe I've finally reached that point of hysteria where nothing affects me. Maybe I'll finally never feel anything again."
Petunia dared to look into his eyes, and she could see a flicker of sympathy there. "I have found that when I reach that point, I need to refocus. And to answer your unspoken question, I knew that I would have to appear to die or face a life of always looking over my shoulder. So Minerva and I worked out a way for me to disappear, if I was injured in any way during the war. I've been living at Spinner's End these last few years."
She nodded slowly as she watched him cut the cake, placing a slice on each plate. "I completely understand wanting to hide away and reinvent yourself. Would that I could do that as easily." Petunia drew in a shuddery breath as she took a bite of cake, relishing the sweet flavor on her tongue. "Do you miss Lily as much as I do?"
Severus paused a moment, and she frowned and rubbed at her forehead a little. "About as much as you do. And yes, I regret bitterly all the things that happened between us. In a more perfect world, there would have been no war, and I wouldn't have chosen to follow a madman. But our world is far from perfect, as my father was so eager to always remind me."
Petunia frowned and reached out to cover his wrist with her hand. She had known that Severus's father was an angry, loud, man, but there had been no way to protect him from that when they had been younger. "I wish that I had said something to my parents about that."
"What good would it have done? Spare the rod, spoil the child, right?"
She felt each word like a barb to her heart, thinking back to how she had treated Harry for nine years of his life. She had been weak and allowed Vernon to rule the household, and there had been times when he had been like Severus's dad, and that had hurt, though she hadn't said anything to stop the mistreatment. "I pray the cycle ended with me," she said hoarsely before focusing on the cake, knowing that it was the only thing that could distract her in that moment.
"I don't have to worry about that, at least."
"I always wanted a large family." Once more, she felt that weird ache in her brain, and she looked up at him, frowning a little. "You're reading my thoughts."
A guilty flush stained his cheeks as he cleared his throat. "You're not supposed to be able to feel that. You don't have any magical talent."
"I'm not too certain of that anymore."
Their eyes met, and Petunia pursed her lips a little before rubbing them together as she tried to gather her thoughts. "Petunia?"
"I wanted to be like Lily so much, Sev. I wanted to be special, too, and Albus told me that I had a different destiny. But I've always been able to tell when something bad is going to happen, before it does. That's how I knew Dudley was going to cancel on me today. It's how I knew my parents had been murdered by that madman. And it's how I knew that Lily died. I don't have an explanation for this, and so I have to assume that Albus lied to me, just like he lied to everyone in his life to attain his goals."
He nodded solemnly before placing his hands flat on the table. "Do you mind if I poke around in your mind, then? I might be able to figure out just how deep Albus's manipulations went." Petunia shrugged, knowing that her head would hurt as he did so. Bracing herself, she watched his face carefully, trying to figure out when he was going to set about looking into her memories and thoughts. This time, it was less painful, and she had to wonder if it was because she was prepared for him to…
"No," she suddenly gasped out, pushing against the table as she shook her head. "Please, no."
It was too late, though, given the look on his face, and she began to silently cry as she buried her chin into her chest. "I didn't mean to…my heart always belonged to Lily."
"Because she was beautiful, and I never stood a second glance. I told you, I made so many mistakes in my life, but the one I'll always regret the most is that."
He swallowed thickly as he nodded. A tender, jagged, silence fell over the room, and then he was reaching out and taking hold of her hand. "I have done a lot of soul searching in the last few years, trying to reconcile who Albus was with the choices I made as a result. We're adults, and perhaps we've both saved a slice of ourselves for the future." And for the first time in her adult life, Petunia felt a flutter of hope in the pit of her stomach rather than a feeling of impending doom, and she nodded, smiling timidly at him as she thought about a future with him.