There are few things that John has deemed unbearable in this world. One is Lafayette talking about Hercules and their future and how happy they are. He doesn't have an issue with their happiness. Instead, he has an issue with how lovey-dovey they are with each other. It is, simply put, annoying. Second is shopping with Hercules for clothing. Anything else and he may have fun. However, Hercules would take a look at John like he was crazy when he picked something out and basically told him it would make John look like shit, and suddenly John was being dragged around the store with Hercules picking his clothing.
Third is watching Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson. They aren't even doing anything wrong. The two of them are just talking to each other and getting to know each other. Talking about how happy they are, talking about how worried they had been, and every once in a while have a small argument.
This, watching his soulmate talking to Thomas Jefferson, his enemy, is unbearable. It's made even worse when he remembers the name on Alexander's left wrist. The name engraved in Alexander's skin, printed there, taunting him, mocking him.
The bright smile Alexander is wearing while he listens to Thomas' stories about what he's done in the past makes John's heart soar, if only for a moment. He's brought right back down from that high when he remembers who's making him smile.
John gets up, managing a smile, no matter how fake it is. "I'm going to go, see you guys later." He walks away now, grabbing his bag and leaving the table.
Alexander Hamilton, a name which has brought him comfort and happiness and hope through darker times in his life. The name would bring a smile to his face, and he when he was a child, he would trace the letters with that dopey love sick grin. He would imagine how he would find out, and he would plan their first date and dates to come. He even planned how he would ask the other to marry him.
All of his plans were ruined with the one fact that he had been told. Thomas Jefferson is his soulmate. A boy that has done nothing to deserve the hatred that John Laurens holds for him. John rushes into the washroom and shuts the stall door, taking a deep breath as he removes his sweater, staring at his right wrist now. It made so much sense, and it hurt him to think that.
The name Thomas Jefferson, written in cursive on his right wrist, stares back at him. When he met the other, he didn't understand why they were enemies. The other did nothing to piss him off and was actually rather pleasant. He had strong opinions, but it didn't bother John.
He smiles bitterly as he remembers that meeting.
Lafayette had introduced the two of them. "Laurens, mon ami, I want you to meet my look alike, the one I met in France," he said, grinning at him. Thomas had stepped forward and held his left hand out for John.
"I'm Thomas Jefferson, Lafayette has told me quite a bit about you." He had said, holding his left hand out. John remembers his reaction when he heard that name. His eyes had narrowed and he pushed the other's hand out of the way, holding his right hand out.
This had not only shocked Thomas, but Lafayette as well. "John, what did he do wrong?" Lafayette had asked his voice laced with concern.
"He's my enemy," John explained, staring at Thomas with a dark look. What stuck out to him at the time was the look of shock on Thomas' face when he received this information. His eyes held a look of confusion, and he had been absolutely bewildered.
"I'm sorry, but that isn't possible. You're name isn't on my wrist." Thomas said a frown on his face when he had done so. John just scoffed at those words.
"You're lying," he snapped. He remembers grabbing his sleeve and yanking it down, holding his wrist out to Thomas. "That's your name, isn't it?"
Thomas had taken his wrist in a gentle grip and examined the two words written, the loops and lines, every detail written. He had let go and shook his head, "I will admit, that's my name and writing, but you aren't my enemy, John. I'm sorry," he said. "May we start over, and ignore that until we figure out why I am your enemy?"
John had hesitated, but nodded and reintroduced himself. Thomas had done the same, and since that day they had actually been rather decent to each other. They weren't quite friends due to their slightly more than awkward meeting, but they didn't talk about it often.
The name written there, and the reason as to why it is there, made much more sense. His soulmate isn't actually his; Alexander is Thomas' soulmate and enemy. Anger bubbles in his chest as he thinks about it. Alexander belongs to his enemy. Someone he is beginning to hate more the more he thinks about this.
His eyes land on his left wrist now, and he feels some sort of pain hit his heart. A name that had brought him so much comfort in the past suddenly brought him pain when he saw it. Someone he had always thought would be with him through thick and thin is not with him during one of the toughest things he's ever been through.
A gentle knock on the door brings John out of his mind. "John, what's wrong? You looked unwell earlier," Lafayette says softly.
"It's nothing," John says, pulling his sweater on quickly and opening the stall door and stepping out. "I just wasn't feeling well." Lafayette stares at him for a moment before frowning.
"Did you figure out why Thomas is your enemy?"
John is silent for a moment, looking down at his sneakers before sighing. "Mind if I ask how you found out?"
"I don't mind at all, and it's simple. You've been fine with Thomas for the past year or so, and this is the only time I've caught you staring at him with a murderous look on your face. So, why is he your enemy? Why do you hate him?" John stares at his friend before taking a deep breath.
"You can't tell anyone, and I mean that. You can't tell Hercules, you can't tell your dad, you can't tell Alexander. Promise me, Lafayette."
Lafayette looks at him before nodding, "I promise not to tell as soul unless I have reason to believe you will bring harm to yourself or others." He says, and John nods. That is the standard promise that their little friend group has.
John watches the door as he rolls both of his sleeves down, revealing the names. Lafayette gasps and grabs John's wrist, looking at the name with a shocked look. "Mon ami- this can't be possible." John smiles bitterly.
"And yet it is. My soulmate isn't mine. He is destined to be with my enemy- someone I didn't even fucking hate till now." John laughs bitterly. "It shouldn't be possible, but here we are. Thomas and Alexander are in the cafeteria sitting together, laughing together, smiling and probably planning their first date while I'm left here with the harsh reality that no one has my name printed on their wrist, not even as an enemy. How's that for depressing? I'm literally going to die alone," he chokes out.
Lafayette stares at him for a moment, his eyes holding a sad look before he pulls John close to him, wrapping his arms around the other. John hugs back and takes a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling and attempting not to cry. "Mon ami, I have no clue what you're feeling, and I know I won't, but I promise that I will help you with whatever I can. If you need to call me at three AM, I will try to pick up, alright?" He offers.
John just nods silently, letting go and rolling his sleeves down. "Thank you, Laffy Taffy." He manages to say, going over to the sink and splashing some water on his face.
"I'm going back to the others, alright? I'll see you in class," he says softly, walking to the door and waiting for John to nod and tell him to leave.
"I'll see you later," John manages to say; splashing a bit more water on his face as Lafayette leaves.
He forces himself to take a deep breath, thinking of the name and the handwriting he has memorized by now. Soulmates are supposed to be perfect for each other they are supposed to be together. Maybe, in some twisted way, things would work out between himself and Alexander.
As hopeless as it is, he shuts his eyes and allows himself to cling to the idea that, maybe one day, Alexander will be his, and they will be happy together.