Thanks for the comments and the help everyone.
I think we are on a similar wavelength Scounrel, But thanks to your suggestions I have altered a later chapter a 'lot' and it's so so so much better now. So thank you so much. :)
Good news is I finally have direction(-ish) so no more running around in the dark without a flashlight :D
Let me know what you think.

xx Jam

CHAPTER 4

"So there are no open homicide cases that have a flip-top cellphone as evidence."

Kent shakes his head, "No. I have double checked. And there was defiantly nothing on those dates you gave me."

Maura crinkles her brow, "What about recently closed cases prior to that."

"I thought you might ask so I have already checked all closed cases over the past month as well."

"And?" Maura says hands on hips with impatience.

Kent opens his folder, "Four phones were submitted into evidence but none were a flip phone. All those phones have since been returned to next-of-kin and all done prior to that date you were searching for or within a few days of it."

Maura scratches her chin.

"I know you didn't ask me to check, but since you mentioned Jane was the person that would have signed it in...I went ahead and checked electronic devices signed in by her, there were none. There was only one in evidence on a case Jane worked on but that was over three weeks ago. I also checked non-homicide cases for anything Jane submitted but there was nothing there either."

"So there is nothing?"

"Uhhh, well that depends on what exactly you were trying to find."

Maura shakes her head slowly, "She said the phone was evidence and we came here together to enter it in..."

Kent glances at his paperwork again, "Well...then yes...I suppose there is nothing."

"Unless it was to do with...internal affairs...or something."

Kent clears his throat, "If it was evidence of anything to do with BPD or an officer there would be a paper trail. Other agencies don't keep evidence here and have their own protocols."

Maura shakes her head and leans against the counter, Jane is definitely lying to her, but why.

"Are you okay Doctor Isles?" Kent says questioning with concern.

"Yes. Sorry. I'm fine." Maura whispers, "But I have some work to do."

"Maura, look." Jane begs with a hint of a smile in her tone.

Maura keeps her head down in her files on her desk, "No."

"Look Maura, look." Jane tries again.

"I'm busy Jane." Maura replies cooly keeping her small but growing frustration under control.

Perhaps she should have met Jane there instead of letting Jane wait in her office for her to finish which is now slowing her down.

"Mauraaaaaa," Jane whines, "Pleeeease...loooook..."

Maura looks up from the paperwork to find Jane is wearing one of her tribal masks and attempting to do a tribal dance which looks more like a take-off of Michael Jacksons Thriller video.

She stifles a laugh and tries to look annoyed before she realizes Jane is too busy looking goofy to see her reaction. She has seen Jane fool around and act the fool many times before and every time it warms her heart.

"Are you looking?" A muffled excited voice comes from behind the mask.

Maura smiles, "No Jane."

It warms her heart mainly because, she herself would try to fit in instead of stand out and she finds others complete self-confidence enthralling, and she gets to spend time with this fun, crazy, amazing, caring loving person, who would act the fool just to put a smile on her face.

She loves that Jane trusts her enough to not hold back, to be completely and totally herself, it makes her feel good that their friendship is so strong.

And so she just watches the arm waving, leg stretching, bottom shaking uncoordinated routine hiding behind a wooden oversized mask that Jane holds with one hand to steady.

Jane must have worked out Maura is watching, "Are you amused?"

Maura wonders if Jane always overacts purely for the entertainment of others.

"You are very funny Jane." Maura replies trying unsuccessfully to sound displeased.

She can hear Jane start to laugh softly, "They aren't so creepy after all huh?"

"No they aren't, now they are more...whats the word...ridiculous." She allows a soft giggle to escape to let Jane know she isn't upset at what she would have once thought was sacrilege.

Jane lifts the mask and grins cheekily at her from underneath it.

Maura smiles back, "Thank you. Can I get back to work now or is your boredom going to continue to distract?"

Jane huffs and waves her hand dismissively as if to say Maura can continue working and then proceeds to rehang the mask crookedly on the wall.

And Maura attempts to finish what she is doing, although she can't help but glance up at Jane every few minutes to see what her friend might do next.

But Jane is acting very appropriately now, very Jane-ish, studying Maura's awards and doctorates hanging on the wall, and then watching through the window between Maura's office and the morgue at the activities going on in there.

Maura has watched Jane a hundred times before, but right now it's more like studying her friend.

The way she pushes her hand through her hair, the way she holds her other hand half closed on her hip, the way she puts her weight on one leg.

The way she bites her lip and rubs the back of her neck while leaning closer to something.

The way her eyebrows come together as she reads the cover of a science today magazine.

Maura continues to watch as Jane taps her foot on the ground, which in Jane language means she isn't actually interested in the magazine.

Then there is the way she looks up from the magazine and stares at her with a questioning eyebrow raised.

"Oh" Maura says realizing she has been blatantly staring at her friend for the last...however long...and has been caught staring.

"Oh?" Jane questions, "Are you done then?"

Maura slaps the uncompleted folder closed on the desk, "Yes. Yes I am done."

There is no way she is going to tell Jane that she wasn't done, that she had been distracted staring at her and was far from done.

Her neck burned instantly so she told herself she was 'done for the night and would finish it early in the morning and hence not lying'.

It worked like always.

Jane smiled as she grabbed her jacket, thrilled to finally leave work.

Maura picked her coat off the back of the chair not making eye contact with Jane.

"Let's go then." Jane says as she pushes the door and holds it open for Maura.

Perhaps Maura imagined it, but she turned as she walked out the door and it looked like Jane was checking her out. Eyes following her leg from the calf upwards. It made her heart stall for a half second.

Uncharacteristic traits.

But then she was wearing a remarkable outfit that was the cause of a lot of stares...so that was probably it.

Jane opened the passenger car door for her as well, but that was probably just because Jane wanted to drive.

And she held open the restaurant door too and Maura frowned without realizing she was finding it that unusual...

It was another thing Maura added to her list.

Her list of tiny little peculiar things, subtle difference.

Like the way Jane looked at her sometimes, it was almost like a look Jane sometimes gave to victims of crime when Jane knew disturbing details that she didn't want to, or couldn't, share. The difference was in the eyebrow which usually went with a question. Maura wondered if Jane was wondering if Maura knew something or was questioning something. Maybe it was about the phone, maybe everything else. The look was held and then Jane would suddenly turn her head away.

There was also the lack of sarcastic remarks around her, even though Jane knew Maura wasn't offended by them, Jane had dialed them back.

She had also notice Jane studied her when she didn't think Maura would notice. Maura always noticed.

Jane had failed to interrogate her about her reasons for going places she wouldn't normally go or do things without any protest. In the past Jane had always questioned almost everything.

Jane had also not been whining or begging for things to go her way. Jane was tacticle at getting what she wanted, but perhaps that had to do more with Maura agreeing to almost everything.

There was also the touches. There had always been touches. A touch of comfort. A touch of support. A touch in place of a thank you. A touch to say I'm sorry.

But now there were touches for no reason, or at least none Maura could figure out.

It wasn't that she minded, far from it, Maura loved those gestures, it had taken her years to be ok with random touches as gestures until she preferred the touch to any words. But these touches were long, and gentle, and completely wordless. And they were almost always on bare skin. And there was more than there had ever been.

Questioning them got Maura reasons she was sure Jane was struggling to believe herself. "You moved just then and I was reaching past." "I was thinking about that time that sculptor was going to turn you into dead art." "I thought you looked sad." "I thought you might be cold." "There was a bug on your arm." "That fabric on your dress looked really soft."

Tiny little things that on their own didn't mean much at all...

but, all together, said a lot.

A lot of what Maura hadn't decided yet.

But then there was the lack of tangible information or developments about this supposed 'threat' to Jane. It was not a case of 'No news is good news.'. Maura saw not one strange car following them anywhere or parked outside any place her or Jane were. No strange, unusual or suspicious people at any of their destinations.

Maura was positive Jane was hiding something. Concealing something. Being different because something IS different.

With every new piece of information available she was evaluating coincidence with occurrence and surmising one hypothesis while simultaneously abandoning another. All on some level consciously.

But why was Jane acting uncharacteristic, why had she been for at least two weeks now.

Maura was sure it wasn't work or nightmares or even an irrational fear, because Jane's had no periorbital puffiness and her sleep patterns seemed regular.

Most people always assumed Maura missed the social cues. She didn't interpret them easily, but very few details escaped her, her job was in the details. Plus years of practice in social situations...and with a few years extra courses in body language and psychology under her belt, she could usually figure it out.

But she didn't always let on...even to Jane.

A few wines later and Maura smiled at Jane softly, curiously.

"You alright?" Jane asked. She found Maura to be different of late and was struggling to get a handle on what was happening herself.

"I'm great. Are you ok Jane?"

Jane smiles and nods, "Course. Why?"

Usually that question alone would turn the questioning on its head with Maura trying to avoid all topics that she perceived dangerous to the mission or herself. But tonight, she was going to push a bit harder.

"You have been slightly uncharacteristic of late."

She was going to push a lot harder.

Jane almost chokes on her drink as she looks over the top of her glass, her eyes a tiny bit wider than usual.

"What?" Her voice is deep and slightly defensive.

"Hmmmm." Maura responds inquisitively as she takes a small sip.

She watches as Jane chews her lip and shakes her head 'no'.

Maura squints slightly, "Nothing has changed or there is no reason for the change?"

Maura watches in surprise as a shiny bead of sweat forms on Jane's forehead and she swallows heavily.

It isn't nerves, but she can't quite place it. She has not seem it before on Jane.

She wonders if she was to let Jane sit long enough like this if she might, of her own volition, reveal whatever is going on.

Jane is reacting for a reason, that much she knows.

That is all she really knows for sure.

Maura raises an eyebrow at Jane, almost willing her to lie to her, or at the very least to say something.

"I...I don't know what you're talking about." Jane says forcing her voice to sound calm and even. The slightly stunned face replaced by a learned fake confidence.

Maura knows she should have known better than to think Jane would fall apart at the seams. Jane's years of training and practice at composing herself in interrogations, hostage situations, and crisis situations, of keeping her feelings hidden, or being able to lie undetected. There had been many times Jane had been truly confident in the face of terror or evil, and there had also been plenty of other times, much to Maura's surprise, that Jane had confided in her afterwards that she had actually been terrified. Maura could only have guessed which was genuine correctly less than a quarter of the time.

But Maura guesses, perhaps naively, this is fake and continues forward. Leaning ever so slightly towards her friend her eyes as intense and fearless as she can possibly make them.

She notices Jane lean away ever so slightly as she does. It boosts her confidence that much more.

"Jane. If there is something going on..." Maura pauses for intensity, "...I need you to tell me. I need that. Jane. Please." She doesn't intend for it to sound so desperate at the end. Perhaps her vulnerability will open the door for honest communication. Perhaps it will help Jane trust her.

Jane studies Mauras face, almost like she is searching for something. There is a slight twitch of the left eye and Jane clenches and releases her jaw. Maura doesn't know how to read that, she also notices Jane hasn't used any of her usual nervous habits...yet. Then Jane licks her lips and growls, "Is something wrong with you Maura?"

Even though the words sound harsh and are designed to get Maura to back off, Maura knows in that moment that Jane is afflicted by something.

Maura bites her lip. She starts playing with her ring, her own terrible nervous habit she hasn't been able to break.

"What is it Maur-"

Jane's voice is the opposite of the last sentence, now soft like butter and drenched in concern, as well as a soft hand landing on hers tenderly. Held like a magnet, like the other times. Warm and unusual but there and distracting in all the right ways.
The gesture feel so caring, so loving, that Maura can feel her body wanting to just feel it and cry.

'It is supposed to be about Jane and not me', Maura tells herself just to control the reactions inside her, 'It's about Jane'.

She puts her hand on top of Janes and slides her fingers around to hold it tightly.

"Jane." Her voice is firm and she is happy to at least sound back in control. "I have never pushed you to express yourself. I have always let you deal with things in whatever way that works for you. But in this case...I need you to talk to me. You can tell me anything."

The hand sandwiched between hers tries to pull away so she grips tighter, it's a power struggle she cannot afford to loose. It could be life or death. It could be anything.

Jane looks at her hand, she could escape if she really wanted to but it would send a very deep and painful message to someone that is showing distressed concern about her. Not that many people in her life cared enough to push her this hard thinking it was for her own good.

She doesn't want to send a wrong message, hurt Maura more just to cover the lies she tells herself, the lies she tells Maura.

It's not about the prank...maybe it was in the beginning...now it's about that person sitting in front of her, the one she adores but can't admit she does, the one she wants to spend all her spare time with, but without it being weird, or perhaps weird is good, maybe she wants weird...but only if if she is weirdly wanted back. Perhaps she doesn't know what weird really is, or won't know until she tries it, or maybe weird is silly, or will be bad. Maybe adorable and weird will somehow conflict. Maybe she could loose both.

Jane blinks a few times, her focus on her trapped hand. Her brain traveling so much faster than her heart she can easily identify the rhythm. The lub and the dub. Maura had explained it all to her once.

She had been holding a heart in her gloved hand and pointing at parts of it..."The lub is when this closes, the atrioventricular valves...the dub is when these close, the semilunar valves."

"Lub dub Maura...with those scientific terms I have absolutely no reason to doubt a word you say." she had replied sarcastically.

Maura had laughed "Would you prefer 'S one', the first heart sound, and 'S two' the second heart sound?"

"Nooo." Jane had joked, "Lub-dub is just fine."

Right now she could feel the lub and dub and she was fairly certain she could hear it in her ears. Only now it was lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub. No pauses between or on either side.

Her hand was also becoming annoying hot and she tries to breathe slowly and evenly to calm herself. She knows Maura can't know whats really happening with her so there is no need to...whatever this is.

"Tell me what's going on Jane."

Jane shakes her head. She can't.

"Maybe I already know Jane. Maybe I just need to hear it from you."

Jane's heart is racing so fast now that things are becoming blurry. Either Maura knows Jane set up this whole joke thing...or Maura knows that Jane is having weird feelings about them.

Jane can feel her neck starts to warm up under her collar. Either Maura will kill her...or hate her...or both.

She can feel Maura's hand squeeze her own trapped clammy hand.

"Oh shit." Jane whispers as she thinks she might be going to pass out.

"Calm down Jane...please." The voice is strained and high.

Jane puts her forehead in her free hand, she feels sick, different sick than at the ballgame. She looks up and can tell Maura is starting to worry but she can't think why...she is the one panicking.

"What?" It's a weak whisper and she can barely hear herself over the pounding of her own heart. All her training, all her confidence, and one truth revealed is about to cause her to faint. Does Maura know that she is falling for her...or that she has lied and tricked her.

"Your pulse Jane, your heart is beating so fast."

She can feel Maura taking her pulse because the fingers are cool against her wrist.

"I..." She can't think, too much blood pumping to her head and the room is starting to spin.

If Maura didn't know before...with this reaction it's clear something is wrong...really wrong. She can feel hands on her shoulders holding her.

"Calm down Jane. Just breathe. Very slowly. In...out...in..."

"What's happening?" Jane says between shallow gasps.

"You're hyperventilating."

Her heart feels like it's just a giant humming bird now. "I can't be."

Jane can hear Maura calling to the waiter to get a paper bag and she wonders if she could die of embarrassment. That might be better than this. If only the ground would swallow her up.

"You are safe Jane. You don't need to worry."

Someone is fanning air into her face and it helps, but she really just wants to lie down on the floor.

"Jane. It's ok. You're ok. Calm slow breaths."

The voice itself is so comforting but between her heartbeat, the burning in her chest and the dizzyness, she can't focus on breathing right now..

"I'm...I'm sorry Maura." Jane begs just incase she dies...she wants forgiveness for being a terrible friend or maybe just for causing a scene...or even for lying. All of them. Perhaps this is her punishment. Either way, she is sorry for something and for lots of things.

She can feel Maura's hand against her face.

"Look at me Jane."

Jane looks up into hazel green eyes that show concern and caring.

"You have nothing to be sorry for...please just focus on breathing...ok. You can do it."

Jane tries to calm down, there isn't much else she can do since the more she thinks about it the worse it gets.

A few slower breaths and it feels a little better.

Someone holds an open brown paper bag in front of her face and she looks at Maura who nods for her to take it. She puts it to her mouth and starts to breathe into the bag, just like she has watched others do. The crunching noise helps her focus, short rushed breaths turn deeper and slower, until finally she is pausing for a few seconds between the breaths.

Her head now clearer. Her heart slower.

She keeps her focus on Maura letting her radiating calmness wash over her.

To not think about Maura's questions and the other things. Especially the physical sensations.

The next few breaths all slower and calmer and she feels almost back to normal.

"I thought you were going to go vasovagal on me." Maura says with a soft laugh.

Jane can only look at her and smile weakly. Never has she felt so embarrassed in her entire life.

"Let's get some air shall we." Maura says tugging at Jane's hand.

"Kay." Jane complies weakly.

The cool evening air helps immensely, and Jane feels back to her usual self again.

Even with Maura's arm looped through hers she feels better.

They walk almost a block before Maura speaks.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jane shakes her head that she doesn't. She now has to work on two excuses...one for what she was hiding before, and now one for why she just over reacted. Or maybe one big lie that covers both.

"That's never happened to me before." Jane says softly, almost sadly.

"I could tell." Maura replied gently.

"Why did the bag help?"

"Rebreathing expelled air increases levels of carbon dioxide into the blood."

"Huh?"

"Well...ventalation converts oxygen to carb-"

"Uhh." Jane interrupts.

"A panic attack-"

Jane gives her a look that says 'simpler'.

Maura purses her lips in thought, "When a person breaths very rapidly, like you did, they lose too much carbon dioxide in the blood causing the symptoms you felt. Rebreathing restores the lost gas by increasing carbon dioxide in the blood."

"What causes...a panic attack?"

"Lots of things...but in your case I think stress...or fear."

Jane begins to chew on her bottom lip in thought.

Maura presses her own lips tightly together to stop herself speaking. She fights herself to keep secret the thing she thinks Jane is afraid of. The very thing she was told not to tell Jane.

A party has sent threats regarding Detective Rizzoli with strict instructions that she is to not be made aware of this danger. If any changes are made to Detective Rizzoli's routine, other than their instructions, that some-one will be harmed. That is why it is imperative that you do not say anything about this to anyone, especially her.

"Are you in some sort of trouble Jane?"

Jane abruptly stops walking.

She is frowning as she puts the pieces together, what Maura thinks is happening, why Maura was questioning her.

She tightens her arm around Maura's and rushes forward and around the corner pulling Maura into an alleyway pressing her against the wall ignoring the shocked gasp.

"Shhhh Maur. Shhhhh." Jane says as she looks first north and then south checking that no-one is around before giving her full attention to her friend.

She makes sure she looks only mildly scared, because she is Jane Rizzoli after all.

Not too afraid but not relaxed either...the right balance to convince Maura.

Maura doesn't know how she feels, Maura doesn't know about the prank, Maura thinks it's about the fake threat she made up. And this gives her everything she needs but shouldn't have.

An excuse.

A bigger lie.

It's almost too easy but it's perfect.

After a long intense stare and in a hushed tone, Jane whispers, "We can't talk about this here, or...anywhere. Ever. I can't let you get hurt again."

Maura looks around as well and frowns. She feels a huge relief, she hates secrets and she trusts Jane. And Jane knows...so that makes Jane safe.

"I want to know-"

"Shhh" Jane whispers cutting her off, "Too dangerous."

Maura wonders, if Jane knew all this time, why would she go along with it. Was it to protect her family. To protect Maura. Was this the reason for the uncharacteristic behavior. Was Jane afraid.

Maura whispers so quietly Jane struggles to make out the words, "I didn't know you knew."

Jane leans her head against Maura's shoulder so she can hide her face. She might be a pretty good liar but, in this proximity, Maura might be able to tell. She can feel Maura's breath against her neck.

"I didn't know you knew either," Jane whispers weakly.

"What do we do?" Maura's voice quivers slightly at the end.

Jane closes her eyes, now she is starting to hate this. Causing more fear, more confusion, more lies. Is it's better than the alternative...being honest about those bizarre feelings she can't quite work out...or about the prank.

"We carry on exactly as before...ok? Nothing changes."

Perhaps she should end this now somehow...a text. Mission over. Then she can keep this secret forever. Before she gets in deeper.

"Ok." Maura replies softly.

She feels Maura's arm's sliding around her waist and wrapping her in a firm hug and it causes a tingling feeling wherever Maura touches her.

"It's such a relief that you know, that i'm not keeping it from you."

Jane swallows loudly, the warmth and touch feels so good. She could stay here forever. "Shhhh Maur. It's alright. But we can't talk about this again."

"Will you stay with me tonight Jane?"

Jane pulls away to look at her friend and can see that the soft worried eyes are now a little damp and the bottom lip quivers slightly.

How is she capable of doing this to her friend. Why is she doing this. She is the worst friend in the world.

"It's going to be ok, I promise." Janes says with a smile gently pushing Maura's hair away from her eyes. Now is the time to end this. A simple text to say it's over, it's done, the threat is gone, the un-sub has been caught.

She has decided there is no other way.

Maura nods wearily.

"Yes." Jane says, "Course I will stay with you."

It is the least she can do.

And when Maura leans her head against Jane's chest, warm and soft and needy, a thumb brushing against her side causing a tingle on her skin and a butterfly in her tummy, Jane remembers why she has continued this for so long.