Long chapter :)
My surgery went as well as can be expected. Thank you for every comment, support and prayer you sent to me.
What I didn't know was that after major abdominal surgery i would be completely uninspired to write anything :/ I really really hope this isn't a permanent thing.
Since it's been some time since I last posted and I cannot write anything new, or add emotion to anything existing. So...for something to do or perhaps kick me into becoming inspired...I decided to try and tidy up what I had already written for this story since I ran out of time to finish it before I had surgery. To me it's fairly raw and parts are a bit detached and it's far too long but I couldn't figure out where the breaks should be or what I was doing really. Feedback could be helpful but I can't promise I can fix anything. I probably have enough rough content written that with a bit of tweaking I should be able to complete the story...it won't be my best work but it's something. :) I have missed you all.
And happy new year to everyone!
xxx JAM xxx
CHAPTER 7
It wasn't her usual nightmare, the ones where she panicked before bolting upright with a gasp, always ready to take on whatever perceived danger threatened her. Or even holding back to assess the situation.
It was the type where Jane grabbed hold of whatever was close to her with a whimper, usually it turned out to be a cushion or pillow, but in this bed her arms wrapped so tight around Maura's middle that Maura woke surprised at the movement and unable to move.
"Jane" Maura whispers.
Jane wakes surprised, then suddenly aware of her bodies proximity to Maura. Pulling away quickly with a whispered sorry.
"You don't need to be sorry Jane. Ever. What...what were you dreaming?"
Jane sighs and inches slightly closer to Maura again.
She couldn't remember going to bed. She couldn't think why she was at Maura's. Her mouth was dry and her head spun a little.
"Did I get drunk?" Jane asks thinking it's the only possible conclusion to her symptoms.
"A little bit." Maura laughs. She won't mention how Jane couldn't complete a sentence by the time she sat down next to Jane. Or that Jane fell off her chair shortly afterward. How Jane had gripped Maura's arm when she helped her up off the ground tightly and refused to let go. How her breath smelled of beer as she mumbled drunkly about Maura's weird friends before asking for help to get home. She won't mention that after she said goodbye to Brent and the other people in order to take Jane home, that Jane had glared darkly at Brent. And that Jane had hugged Maura tightly burying her face in Maura's neck and whispered, pleading, 'Don't run off with him. Don't leave me again.' She won't mention that her offer for Jane to come back to her place resulted in Jane jokingly asking with a heavy slur, 'Is thiss your way of tellin meee you're attracted to meee?'
Or that Jane stripped to her black underwear in front of Maura as if she was completely alone, leaving her clothing scattered on the floor before falling onto the bedcovers snoring almost immediately.
Jane blinks in the almost darkness trying to put her dream into words, "I dreamt I was losing you...I think. You said you didn't want to be my friend anymore..."
Maura tries to roll over to face Jane but Jane stops her by holding onto her nightgown. She turns her head to try to see Jane's. She glimpses wet eyes staring at her back in the low light before Jane hides her face.
"Jane. That won't ever happen. Just relax. Go back to sleep. Everything is perfectly fine."
"What if..." Jane begins with a frown, "...I do something really really stupid and you hate me for it?"
"Like scare off any potential suitors?" Maura tries to joke.
"Did I do that?"
Maura laughs softly, "No. Yes. Not exactly."
Jane laughs as well, she sort of hopes she did, there is a part of her that she denies, the part of her that wants Maura all to herself.
Silence again and then her dream of Maura angry at and turning to walk away pushes into her mind again.
"What if I really screw up our friendship Maur?"
"Haven't we both already done that?"
"What if it isn't like those times...what if it's worse?"
"Where is this coming from?"
Jane sighs, how can she answer that. She knows why reality is invading her dreams. Why her fears are starting to hurt her.
Maura tries to roll over further but Jane wraps her arm around Maura's waist to hold her in place. She knows there is every chance that Maura could read her too easily.
"Jane..."
"If...if i've done something really really bad?" It was a broken complex whisper that almost breaks Maura's heart.
"You don't do bad things Jane. You always try to do your best. You care about people Jane...you wouldn't hurt me."
Jane swallows the lump in her throat, "But...what if...what if I do?"
"Jane, You'd never screw up our friendship. I might get mad at you but I will always always forgive you. Like the other times. I promise you that. Please Jane..."
Jane relaxes slightly with a sigh, and Maura can finally roll over so she is facing Jane.
"I fear losing you too Jane...your job is so dangerous, as well as this person that wan-..."
She freezes and it takes Jane a sobering moment to understand why.
"Sorry."
Instead of replying, Jane wraps her arms around Maura's shoulders and pulls her into a gentle hug. Perhaps they shouldn't talk. Perhaps she shouldn't think. Perhaps she should keep her fears to herself do she doesn't make it worse.
She can feel Maura's pulse beating against her ear. It slows down and becomes steady. And Jane hopes that her dream stays just that, a dream.
She knows Maura must never find out what she did...because what she has done shouldn't be forgivable. It would hurt Maura even if she had the best reasons in the world. The thought sends a shiver down her spine.
Maura seems to hold her tighter and she wishes it was for a different reason.
She wishes it was because she had been able to be honest...about everything.
And in the safety and warmth Jane drifts off into a dreamless sleep.
Jane wakes later, alone, but she can hear Maura downstairs in the kitchen humming along to a tune on the radio.
And she smiles because Maura is keeping her promise to not run off on Jane again.
But she vaguely remembers her question.
'What if i've done something really really bad'
She bites her lip and climbs out of the bed grabbing her folded clothes from the night before off the back of the chair and slips them on before heading to the bathroom to freshen up and then downstairs towards the smell of pancakes and coffee.
Maura looks up and Jane grins her award winning smile.
Maura gives a weak smile back.
"What?" Jane asks as she walks around the counter to pour herself a coffee.
"Nothing" Maura lies turning back to the stove.
"You'll get hives." Jane grins as she reaches out to gently touch Maura's shoulder wondering why she keeps doing these physical gestures.
"I got mail." Maura replies sadly not responding to the touch.
Jane pulls her hand away reluctantly before poking through the pile of papers on the counter.
It's the one on top she knows has Maura upset.
An invite to a charity event the following weekend for a 'Ms Maura Isles, plus one.' The calligraphy was beautifully embossed in gold on the scented and patterned card.
"I see...while most of of get upset over final notices for bills we can't afford...you manage to make exclusive invites to special events the new evil in the world."
"Jane." Maura growls.
"So what...you don't feel like crowdfunding for the poor kids that are deprived of higher education next week?"
"Read the back."
Jane flips the invite to read the back and immediately recognizes Constances' firm business like handwriting,
'Plus one my darling. See you there. Constance Isles.'
"Ahhh" Jane says out loud and she drops the invite back on the pile of papers, "Your mother is a little bit like mine after all."
Maura sighs loudly, "I have to go. To keep up appearances. But the truth is I would rather not."
"Why not? I thought you liked getting dressed up and strutting around in front of all the self deluded rich narcissist males there."
Maura turns with the frypan and begins to put the food on the plates while giving Jane 'a look'.
"Firstly I never strut. Secondly, they aren't all self-deluded. Thirdly, It it isn't choice."
"But you do like the attention you get even if you pretend you don't."
Maura looks up noting Jane's unusual expression.
"Don't you?"
Jane shrugs, "Not really."
Maura pours maple syrup on Jane's pancakes before sliding the plate to her friend and sitting down beside her.
"So you don't want to go because your mother is making you?" Jane asks before filling her mouth with pancake.
Maura shrugs almost exactly like Jane just had and Jane tries not to laugh for fear of choking.
Maura wants to say 'I don't want to leave you alone with that psycho stalker out there after you.'
"Yes. Also it's so political. I don't want to go."
"So don't go."
Maura sighs loudly, "I have to go...I'm expected. And it's for a good cause."
"Seriously? You are the Chief Medical Examiner, Maura. The major calls you personally on your cellphone. Unless this event is in a different state, if you don't want to go...don't. No one is gonna mess with what you want or don't want...not with how skilled you are with a scalpel and a bone saw."
This gets Jane a dimpled smile and chuckle.
"You liked that huh?" Jane laughs softly.
"My mother might disown me." Maura says with a laugh, as if that wouldn't be the worst idea in the world.
"My Ma would take you in." Jane smirks.
Maura laughs and sits down on the barstool beside Jane.
"Angela would probably even like that."
Jane nods her head, "She'd love that, but she would set you up on all the worst surprise dates."
"What's a surprise date?"
"The type where you arrive for family dinner and 'surprise' - you and a man you've never met are the only ones in the house."
"Ohhh." Maura says with wide-eyes grateful her own mother never tried anything like that.
"Yeah...ohhhh."
Jane grins to herself imagining Maura trying to politely reject someone in her tactful truthful way.
"Ok...Maybe I can get you out of it. Something convincing for your mother. I had lots of practice getting out of things at school." Jane says with a grin and a twinkle in her eye.
Maura looks up surprised, "I bet you did...Ok what's your plan?"
Jane keeps the grin wide, "I could call the governor and have him demand you work instead."
"You have his number?"
"My neighbor is sick...I'll have them cough all over you. Completely gross but effective because you can't go if you're sick."
Maura screws up her face and shakes her head but has a subtle smile on her lips, "I couldn't work either."
"Right...ok...I could ask your father to whack a really really bad guy...kkkazaaaam...new case...very busy."
Maura laughs heartily, "That isn't at all extreme."
Jane smiles, Maura's rare moments of sarcasm are endearing.
"I could..." Jane pauses. Texting Maura an emergency during the event from the burner phone might be obvious but also mean to Maura, "call you while you're on your way with a fake emergency?"
"What emergency Jane...someone died."
Jane pulls a face of annoyance at herself for not thinking of a good escape.
Maura sighs again although not as loudly, "I don't want to take anyone."
That's when Jane realizes that Maura doesn't mind going...it's all the expectations of her mother that are causing the problem, "Then don't take anyone. Just go by yourself."
"I can't." It's almost a whisper.
"You can." Jane whispers back.
It doesn't get a smile out of Maura who just sighs again, "Mother...she would be disappointed."
"Then..uh...you could...take my brother." Jane scowls up her face as she says it. It's all she can think to offer to help her friend. Thankfully Frankie is taken so at least she won't need to worry about the two of them getting too cosy.
"I don't want to take your brother, Jane."
"I know, sorry. Sorry. Stupid idea."
"You could come Jane."
Jane snorts a laugh, "Your mother would prefer that than you going alone?"
Maura chews her lip for a moment in silence before turning to Jane, "I can't go alone and...I don't want to leave you either."
Janes smile drops as guilt hits again, a feeling she could have gotten used to for the amount of time she carried it, "I will be fine Maur. You don't have to take me."
Maura studies her friends face for a moment wondering about the loss of enthusiasm, "But Jane, I want you to come with me."
Jane lets her mouth drop open slightly as her brain attempts to read something between the lines.
"What?" She asks looking like a possum in headlights before shaking her head, "You don't want me there...I embarrass you."
Maura smiles softly "No you don't, not so much. You can be my plus one."
Jane frowns a little hurt at herself that she thought the offer was other than plutonic, "Seriously Maura, you're being ridiculous."
Maura glares at Jane, "I am not being ridiculous. I want you to come with me. And you don't have anything better to do."
Jane chews her lip in thought, it's the word 'want' that keeps making her think Maura is implying something more than a friend. "I..."
Maura looks forlorn or perhaps desperate as she raises her eyebrows and chews her lip waiting for Jane to respond.
"Really?" Jane growls but Maura cant tell if its because of the pleading puppy dog manipulation she is attempting pull off, or just that Jane doesn't really want to go at all.
"They will have that expensive wine you really liked." Maura tries with a smile
"Mmmmmm" Jane offers unconvinced it's enough.
"Gift bags...I heard there would be gift bags at the door for each guest."
Jane tilts her head side to side weighing up the many cons against the pro. She loves gift bags, free exclusive things she gets to play with.
"You will have to wear a dress though." Maura says with a pout.
The groan is loud, "I was going to say yes until you dumped that on me."
"Oh...well..." Maura gives Jane a hint of a sly smile, "...there will be food.
"You said that last time Maur. And there was no food."
"I promise you will be fed one way or another."
Jane raises an eyebrow, "...um..."
Maura pouts again and sighs defeatedly, "Well...If you really don't want to go with me...then I will just go on my own."
Jane shakes her head at Maura in fake disgust. They both know it's complete manipulation but Jane knows she would never let Maura go alone anyway.
"It's not like I'm not used to going alone." Maura says looking down at her shoes and fiddling with her ring letting herself pout fully.
Jane's hands drop away to her sides and she sighs loudly, "You've been practicing your guilt trip."
"I'm sure I can find someone there to entertain me anyway." Maura adds a small sniff at the end before looking up at Jane and practically batting her eyelids at her friend.
Jane turns and looks at Maura holding back a smirk, "Oh great idea Maura. Like last time? I thought you didn't much like prison orange."
Jane is secretly pleased she will go with Maura and not a guy, normal guy or otherwise.
Maura gently thumps Jane in the shoulder causing Jane to laugh, "Fine...I will go with you."
"Really?" Maura is truly surprised.
"Yes. You had me at gifts."
Despite Maura manipulating her, her own games and manipulation are one hundred times worse so she cannot begin to call the kettle black. She has been playing her own game, her own manipulation, and so if being a good friend is a small step towards penance then she will do it with a smile.
Maura smiles and claps her hands.
Jane smiles at the conservative type of happy dance.
"I have the perfect outfit Maur."
"No" Maura says clasping her hands together with a wide smile.
"What? I can't wear what I want?" Jane clenches her jaw and crosses her arms.
"No." Maura says again raising an eyebrow like this is a challenge but still smiling.
Jane squints back at Maura.
Maura tilts her head to the side, that bossy questioning which is more of a question of 'Do you really want to mess with me.'
Maura watches Jane's determination fade and she knows it's because Jane trusts her. Maura knows Jane's need to win is always lost when Maura asks.
Jane sighs in defeat, "Fine. You win."
Maura smiles triumphantly, "Great."
"Can choose how I do my hair...?"
"Of course Jane. You can wear your hair whatever way you would like." Maura says with a soft smile.
Jane does the smallest victory fist air thump.
"So it's a date?" Maura begs still a bit unsure it was that easy, "You'll come with me?"
"Yes Maur. And I will try not to embarrass you. But you can be the one to tell your mother."
Maura smiles, "It will be wonderful, I always enjoy it when we do things together."
Jane murmurs softly in agreement as if it's nothing even though it feels like everything to her.
Maura stands and hugs Jane as thank you pinning her arms to her sides, and Jane doesn't groan. Jane doesn't groan because she is happy.
Because Maura is taking her instead of some guy. Because Maura wants her and not someone else.
Maura lets go and begins to clean up the dishes.
"Oh Jane?"
"Yeah?" Jane says with a smile hoping the red flush she feels on her neck isn't obvious.
"I am most certain that you would really like to wear your hair up to go with the dress I have picked out for you."
Jane, lost for words in the moment, can only laugh before she replies, "You are sooooo sweet and gentle when you're being bossy."
The next few days involved Maura texting Jane pictures of the dress and shoes she would wear and when the limo would pick Jane up the following weekend. She felt more excited than she had over previous charity events.
And it wasn't excitement that Jane would be 'safe' by her side, but just that Jane would be by her side.
She felt prepared.
Nina was on top of the tracked phone letting her know of all changes.
She had told her mother that her plus one was female and had not been immediately un-invited.
Jane would be with her. Safe.
And they would have fun together like they always did.
But even the best laid plans never allow room for the some exceptions.
Because no amount of planning in the world could have prepared any of them for what happened on Monday night.
No amount of planning.
And that is precisely what Maura told herself while her heart was pounding faster than she could remember while Jane was sitting on top her, straddling her hips tightly and pinning her hands on the ground over her head...
It was perhaps a culmination of errors.
Or the universe had turned upside down.
It began just over an hour earlier when Nina texted Maura telling her the current location of the Internal Affairs phone.
The location was a 30 minute drive from Maura's. A reserve not far away known for having a few issues of late with violence.
An inquisitive mind that wonders why it is where it is...why it is not at bpd, the dirty robber, outside Jane's or in any other location it has been recently.
She had nothing planned for her evening.
And Jane's phone was off.
Maura started by texting the phone to ask where Jane was.
The phone however was in the jacket pocket on the backseat of an unmarked.
A text Frankie didn't reply to because he hadn't checked the phone after he turfed his coat on the backseat.
It was a last minute stakeout to catch a perp in the park.
And Jane was in the front seat with Frankie not aware her phone had died land aughing over some tv show Frankie was describing.
Jane's excellent planning to have Frankie look after the burner phone did not allow for that one in a million chance that they would end up on a last minute stakeout together, sitting side by side, near dusk, in an unmarked, off highway 16, watching an abandoned vehicle in a carpark beside a park reserve where unsolved crimes had occurred.
Neither Jane or Nina could possibly have guessed that Maura would put herself in danger while doing some snooping of her own.
And Maura perhaps didn't consider that walking around in a near abandoned yet public carpark on her own in the dark evening would attract the attention of someone specifically looking for any signs of movement.
Frankie saw the figure lurking around in the bushes near the abandoned car first.
Jane jumped out the car to approach down the person Frankie had pointed at.
None of them could not have contemplated, not in a million years, what would come next.
"Police Freeze." Jane had yelled at the top of her lungs pulling her gun out and taking a firing stance.
The figure turned around and ran away.
Blonde hair blurring any visible features against the silhouette of darkness.
Jane growled as she stuffed her gun back into its holder and started into a fast sprint after the unknown suspect mumbling something like 'why do they always run'. The suspect was not moving very fast which was later determined to be caused by the high heels.
Maura was running back to her car terrified Internal Affairs would arrest her for interfering in their case.
Jane followed as the suspect wove around trees letting out a small surprised and frightened squeal every so often. Seeing a clean opening between trees, Jane decided to cut the suspect off quickly before they reached the thicker bushes 10 meters further up the path.
She aimed low like she always did, being female it was simpler to offset the balance with a tackle than try to use sheer force, it worked on males double her size nine times out of ten.
Her arms precisely aimed wrapped neatly around the thighs and she gripped her fingers together to hold the lock. Her weight easily knocking the suspect to the ground.
Easier than usual.
Then Jane had to move quickly to immobilise the suspect before they could attempt to fight back or pull a knife on her. She had done this so many times now, getting quicker every time, learning how to do it without dislocating her shoulder, always sure to stay in control.
Her legs found a grip on either side of the suspects body.
Then the choice was to pull out her gun or grab for the wrists.
Based on the suspects squeal as they hit the ground and lack of resistance, Jane went for the wrists instead, rolling the suspect onto their back and pinning their hands to the ground.
The moment Maura's hair fell away from her face, it was Jane's turn to be frozen in surprise. The high pitch gasp that left her lips was one she hadn't heard before.
In that same moment backup arrived. Frankie with a torch in one hand and gun in the other almost blinding Maura who was smeared with mud across her face and clothing. From her collision with the wet ground.
And Jane too stunned to speak, also didn't move for a long moment before her brain caught up with everything.
"Shit. Maura? What the hell are you doing here?"
And Maura knew that she would have no choice but to tell the truth.
"Are you alright?" Frankie asks over Jane his eyes as wide as a possums.
Maura looks at him trying to ascertain how she is, she can't really check while she is still pinned to the ground, and her body is still for the most part in flight mode.
"Get of her Jane. Geez." Frankie says grabbing Jane's arm to pull her up.
Jane still in shock, her mouth partly open and her hands shaking finally shifts her weight off Maura's legs and let's go of Maura's wrists.
Maura pulls her hands together and begins to rub her wrists one at a time.
"Geez Jane. Did you seriously just rugby tackle Maura?"
Jane sits down on her knees beside Maura, face changed from shock to concern, "Shit. Shit. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Did I hurt you?"
Frankie snorts a laugh, "Just look at her. She looks a wreck."
"No. I'm fine." Maura whispers hoarsely. Her lungs readjusting to the wind being knocked out of them.
Jane rubs her eyebrows with her fingers to relieve the tension.
"I've seen you tackle so many people Jane...I had no idea how...how it would feel."
Jane shakes her head bewildered, "Feel?"
"You're so...so strong."
Jane laughs weakly standing up and proving her strength by helping Maura to her feet carefully.
Maura, despite feeling a bit sore in places, notes that Jane looks more traumatized than she feels.
"I'm ok. Really I am. I just need a few minutes."
Jane nods and in a surprise move she wraps one arm around Maura's shoulders and the other arm around her waist pulling Maura hard against her chest.
And Maura sighs as if she finds relief when she didn't know she needed it.
"Bring the car over Frankie. And call this in." Jane demands over Maura's shoulder.
"What do you want me to say Jane. You've blown the operation tackling your bestie and now need a medical crew?"
Jane frowns at him unamused, "Tell them that there has been no sign of the suspect but if we were being watched we have probably blown our cover chasing a false lead and we need replacements."
"Fine." Frankie mumbles as he turns away and heads to the car leaving Jane and Maura in darkness.
"I'm so so sorry Maura."
Maura almost laughs suddenly noting the absurdity of the situation.
"I've seen you tackle people before. And you looked so..." hot. Maura can't say hot, "...skilled."
"Skilled. Did you hit your head?" Jane pulls back to check Maura over.
"No."
"Why on earth did you run?"
Maura sighs and pulls Jane back into the hug while taking in a deep breath which smelled of Jane, "I didn't know you were yelling at me...and I just thought I should get out of there before I got in the way."
"Why were you here Maur?"
"I...well...I followed you."
Jane pulls away and takes Maura's shoulders so they are face to face, although it is too dark to really see each other.
"You were worried about me?"
"Yes. Because...well...you know that I worry."
Jane thinks for a moment, about the reason Maura worries. Maura followed her, found her, almost got shot, definitely got tackled.
"I'm so glad you're ok. If something happened to you.." Jane frowns, "I hurt you..."
The area becomes lit by Frankie's headlights as he pulls off the road beside them. That's when Jane can see the mud streaked cheeks and tear stain patterns on them.
"Do I need to take you to hospital?" Jane offers softly brushing Maura's cheek with her thumb causing the smudge to worsen, "I keep hurting you."
Maura frowns, "It was my fault, and you usually make it a habit of saving me."
"I will fix this Maur. I'm sorry."
Maura didn't forget the way Jane gripped her hand as she pulled her to her feet. Or the way her friend gently brushed her cheek. Or the deep sorrow in those complex brown orbs she has for eyes.
As fast as the bruises vanished so did that look from Jane's face.
The more Jane relaxed the less attention was focused on the night in the carpark.
And that gave Maura plenty of time to build up excitement over the charity event.
She scolded herself on occasion that she was acting like a teenager headed to the school ball. Or at least the feelings seemed to match the behaviors she observed of her schoolmates.
She tried to tell herself that she shouldn't be excited. That she always got hurt when she got excited.
But as the event drew closer, she could only control herself in public.
It didn't feel like other times. Sure they had gone to events together, most often unplanned or for a case. Sure she had picked what Jane would wear on several of those occasions including them swapping clothes more than once. But it had been a case of what fitted Jane that was available.
This time she had purchased a dress specifically for Jane and specifically for this occasion.
And the dress had hung on the back of her wardrobe door for the last week.
And she had thought about what Jane would like like in it, how her hair would be, and if her shoes that matched the dress would be comfortable. She wondered if Jane would be accepting of being dressed up or if she would object.
And she fantasized about how they would look on the dance floor together, side by side, or perhaps arm in arm.
And by the time Saturday arrived, Maura could have got them both ready with her eyes closed.
The limo picked Jane up and she arrived at Maura's to change.
And Jane had a smirk in the corner of her mouth from the moment Maura brought the dress to her caressing the material between her fingers.
It was a delicate red fabric that matched her own black and red dress.
But the dress itself was no longer the centre of attention once Jane was wearing it.
Maura had of course seen a lot more skin when helping Jane dress than when the dress was fully on, but it was still perfection.
Maura had been absolutely right, it fitted Jane perfectly and highlighted her dark hair and features.
They laughed as they got ready together, and again Maura was reminded of some of the scenes she was once excluded from at boarding school.
And it wasn't only that she had never been interested in pillow fights and sleepovers...it was also that she had never been invited to them.
And when they left together, Jane's armed looped through hers for balance, she felt like the luckiest person in the world.
Jane touched Maura's shoulder gently again. It had happened several times without explanation. Maura would look at Jane for meaning but could find nothing so she concluded it was for safety or security.
This wasn't Jane's world although you couldn't have picked it.
She fitted in while standing out.
She was far from embarrassing.
She was stunning.
Not that Maura would admit it out loud, but it was often one of the reasons she always loved taking Jane with her. Stunning in any outfit even track pants and a teeshirt.
But in this dress, it took her breath away. She couldn't seem to get used to it.
Perhaps it was the legs, long and exposed, not hidden behind pants and boots like they usually were. Jane could have been a model. Tall and toned. Maura never really thought about other women in the way she had been about Jane for the last hour.
And usually it was Jane raising an eyebrow or giving a look to send men running away from them, but tonight the roles were reversed. It was Maura that had to keep shooing men away. Jane was hers tonight. In the dress she chose, her dark curly hair pulled to one side draping down over her right shoulder exposing the necklace she had picked to match the dress. The red jewel in the necklace resting on Jane's sternum which accentuated the plummeting neckline.
Jane was her plus one.
Hers.
And it had never been about the way Jane looked, it had been about how she felt when Jane didn't put her down. When Jane refuted her own ugly thoughts about herself. How Jane made her laugh when she was feeling down. How Jane didn't think she was weird. And how modest yet self-assured Jane was.
Gentle and loving yet brave and independent.
Jane had flushed pink when Maura's mother, Constance, had complemented her appearance, choosing to look at her feet when thanking her for the complement.
Maura had never been sure if Jane did not flaunt her body and features because she didn't think she was gorgeous enough or if it was because she didn't like the attention.
She was getting attention now and she wasn't hiding from it. She casually communicated with the others in the circle of people with whom they were chatting.
She still didn't flaunt herself.
She also didn't comment when she caught Maura practically ogling her either.
She gave a soft smile and her eyes sparkled through half open eyelids.
It wasn't much later that Maura had received a text from Internal affairs that caused her to frown. Jane frowned at her frown and Constance gave her a look of disapproval.
GET JANE ALONE.
Maura glanced at Jane first. Jane mouthed 'What's wrong'. Then Maura looks around the room for...something out of place. And when she looked back at Jane, Jane was scanning the room while confused.
Perhaps there was news or perhaps the unsub was here at the charity ball.
Maura swallows the lump in her throat as she reaches for Jane's hand.
"Please excuse us." Maura offers as she drags Jane towards the bathroom.
"Excuse us." Jane manages a deep and polite voice to the people in their group that watch them leave.
"Are you ok Maur?"
"I'll tell you in a minute."
Jane sighs as she steps ahead and pushes the restroom door open and holds it. Maura stops in the hall looking at Jane.
They are alone, unless someone needs to use the bathroom.
It wasn't private enough here.
"Come with me." Maura says holding out her hand to Jane.
Jane looks at the hand inquisitively, "Seriously?"
"Yes."
Jane places her hand tentatively in Maura's hand and Maura tugs her leading her further down the hall and around the corner.
Jane had resisted only slightly before following.
"Where are we going?".
"I don't know." Maura replies, it was possibly the first time in her life she was leading someone to an unknown location.
Her heart was beating faster than usual for two reasons, the first that she was so unsure about what was happening, the second was that she was assuming what could happen next. Maura turns another corner and then pulls Jane into a vacant room. She stopped and turned to face Jane, unsure of what would come next. Jane looks at her suspiciously.
"I'm sorry." Maura whispers.
"What is going on?" Jane replies with a whisper.
Maura shakes her head, she couldn't say, she couldn't...just in case it put Jane in danger, or herself.
"Maur?"
Maura always hated the way Jane said her nickname as a question and it takes all of her self control not to answer, not to crumble at the word, not to answer. It should have been impossible for her to resist, it had been impossible in the past, but this was life or death.
"Trust me Jane. Please."
Jane blinks and frowns, looking over her shoulder, looking for something that perhaps should be obvious, but they were alone.
Maura's phone buzzes again.
KISS HER ON THE LIPS.
Maura clutches her phone tightly and looks up at Jane. Her heart beats impossibly faster, palms suddenly hotter than ever before.
Jane, concerned, leans so close into Maura that Maura could feel her friends steady heartbeat.
"Are you in trouble?" Jane whispers in her ear, the breath tickling her and taking her breath away. Her legs feel weak at the closeness and the knowledge of what she must do.
Maura put her hands on Jane's shoulders feeling the bare skin under them, not helping the situation much but helping to steady her. But she was now also holding Jane against her own body.
She had to pry her tongue from the roof of her now dry mouth to answer in a barely audible whisper, "No."
And Jane did the worst thing imaginable. She leaned away and looked into Maura's eyes to read her.
"Jane. I...I have to do something."
"What?" Jane replies softly like a whisper, her eyes searching Maura's.
"It won't make sense and I don't want you to hate me."
Jane furrows her brow.
"You won't leave?"
Jane smiles a tiny bit, like the very idea might be ridiculous, "I won't leave."
"You promise?"
"Maur, what is it?"
"Promise me Jane."
"I won't leave Maura. Please...what's wrong?"
Maura reaches her hand to Jane's neck ignoring the raised eyebrows. She has to make sure she does what she has too, and that Jane won't pull away and run.
She can feel the muscles in Jane's neck tighten. This creature in front of her is so much stronger than her, is it possible that she could even hold onto Jane if she decided to leave.
"Don't move." Maura whispers and then she lifts herself onto her toes moving her face closer and closer to Jane's, she won't close her eyes, she has to watch Jane's reaction.
Jane's eyes widen and she leans back almost pulling Maura with her and Maura realizes she could never stop Jane..
"Don't...please." Maura begs softly pausing where she is, giving Jane a moment to catch up, to get her head around what's about to happen, praying silently she won't be left standing completely alone any second.
She goes to move forward again but feels Jane's hand press against her chest. She knows Jane isn't looking but the hand is pressing firmly against her right breast.
Her heart sinks in fear.
Jane's hand vanishes from her chest and she is about to proceed to kiss her again when she feels the phone being tugged from her hand. She opens her eyes to Jane reading the text message.
Maura whispers "I'm sorry.". She doesn't know what failure will mean.
And what about their friendship, their trust. She never told Jane about the messages, the phone.
Jane looks angry and steps backwards.
"Jane...don't leave. I..please...just kiss me. It won't mean anything."
"I won't leave." Jane says croakily.
Maura closes her eyes and shakes her head slowly, "I don't want to find out what happens if I don't do this. I'm so scared."
Suddenly fingers graze her cheek gently.
"Nothing bad will happen. You don't have to do this."
"How do you know?"
"I just know."
"I can't take that risk Jane. I can't fail."
Jane scowls for a moment in thought as a dozen feelings come and go.
"It's a joke Maur. I'm sorry. It's my fault."
"What?"
"The texts Maur. They aren't real. It's a prank."
"You don't understand Jane. This isn't a joke. Please. Please don't fight me. For once in your life just humor me and do this for me."
"It's me that's been texting you Maur."
Maura pauses for a moment, her heart feeling like it's on the verge of slowing down.
"You texted me to tell me to kiss you?"
"No. No I was texting you before...this has to be from Frankie."
Maura shakes her head sadly, "I am really that repulsive that you would make up a story to avoid kissing me."
"God no Maur. No. You are stunning, and beautiful, and trust me...very very desirable."
"Then stop thinking about it and just let me do this."
"It's not that Maur. I am confessing to you...there is no perp...no danger...you don't have to kiss me."
Maura takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, her eyes boring into Janes.
"Maybe I want to kiss you." Maura whispers.
Jane can't decide if Maura is trying to trick her into following the text.
Jane also can't help but notice how much she doesn't hate the idea, how desirable she suddenly feels herself.
"Ok." Jane whispers and works very hard to hide any smile.
"Ok?" Maura raises her eyebrows, "Ok what?"
Jane doesn't reply as she focuses on Maura's lips and leans towards them.
Maura can't help but close her eyes again. Relief. Instinct.
Momentary weakness.
She can feel Jane's breath against her lips.
She can't feel anything else.
...to be continued...