Ooopppsss...I only announced my surgery on "light up"...Sorry, you didn't miss it. I had planned to finish and post this whole story along with my announcement before my surgery but I ran out of time. Hence why I don't have to write much to finish it, thankfully. It was soooo close to being finished five weeks ago :) I'm still not inspired to write anything new but tidying this one is helping a bit :D
The comment/question about 'who drove Maura's car back from the stakeout. -Frankie pulled around and picked Jane and Maura up, then he drove to Maura's Prius that was parked nearby. Jane helped Maura transfer into the passenger seat and then Jane drove Maura and Maura's car back to Maura's house. Frankie drove the unmarked back to the station. (Funny...I had thought about this car thing myself when I wrote the first version but then deleted it...Guess i should have kept it) At Maura's house, upstairs in her room, Maura talked Jane through treating her few minor skin abrasions using the medical kit from her bathroom. She told Jane about the uses of iodine and also honey and remarked on Jane's wonderful bedside manners. Jane couldn't be more delicate and tender as she worked on every scratch Maura managed to find, and Maura was searching as she enjoyed the attention, however Jane couldn't enjoy the closeness of the situation because of how bad she felt about tackling Maura to the ground in the first place. Jane was not reprimanded by Cavinaugh but there was some teasing about 'tackling your friends' going around BPD for awhile. Hope that tickles your imagination and answers your questions :)
Feel free to ask anything else. Thank you for your comments and reviews. Loving them sooo much.
Please please don't hate me for what comes next...I promise I will fix it.
Love you all.
XXX JAM XXX

CHAPTER 8

Jane half expected something to interrupt them as she began leaning towards Maura. She wondered why Maura's eyes were closed while noticing how long her delicate blonde lashes really were.

She silently prayed nothing would interrupt them because there had been so many times in the past she had felt a pull towards kissing Maura, especially lately, but had found some excuse not to.

She perhaps should have felt a pang of guilt but was able to push it down for, as Maura would put it, scientific investigation. This might allow them both to know if there ever would be or could be more between them.

And for a moment she panicked because she didn't know how to kiss maura. A peck?...but not a 'you're family peck' like she got at Christmas from relatives when she was little. Lips open? but not too much to be a passionate lover. How much was too much or not enough.

She licks her lips to moisten them giving herself a split second to decide.

Her lips touch Maura's at the same moment she settles on a gentle approximately 3 second press together. About enough to see if there was more than friends without being too forward.

But as they touch her nerve endings electrify and it sends bolts of energy to her brain. She closes her eyes and her hands slide around Maura's back. Her lips begin to act on their own, moving gently against Maura's, across them, sending further feelings over her entire body, ones she likes and she wants more of it. Her brain couldn't time three seconds even if she bothered to try.

Maura, only expecting a peck, begins to also move her lips softly against Jane's, her brain scrambling to put her thoughts and feelings together and somehow epically failing.

Her thoughts seem to float around inside her head but her heart won't let them make sense to her. She can't think, only react. Her hands slide across Janes bare strong shoulders and up her slender neck stopping at the nape and holding on as is she is a life-line. Grounding her as if she might have floated away otherwise.

Her lower body, of its own accord, presses into Jane and she can feel a soft low moan moving through her chest towards her mouth and she manages to stifle with a breath.

It is slow motion and wonderful and she feels like she is floating. Everything tingles and parts of her heat up like fire. She prays it will never end.

Jane's starts to feel like if it goes on too much longer, the sensations may be too much for her physically, and so she gradually pulls away. Grateful and regretful.

An ocean of phantom sensations left behind for them both.

Maura opens her eyes and looks up at Jane. Jane's eyes are still closed and she looks peaceful, like she is waking from the perfect dream. Her lips moist and still a little bit open still.

And Maura is sure she now knows what love feels like, what love looks like. She reaches her thumb and brushes the lingering moisture off Jane's bottom lip, she can't think what possessed her to do it. Jane's eyes burst open and she pulls away quickly almost dropping Maura onto the ground.

"It's okay." Maura promises almost breathlessly, "We are okay."

"O-okay. Yeah...yep...we are, we are okay." Jane replies, relaxing just a little. She lets out a shaky breath and attempts to smile but only manages to look slightly amused. Then she frowns allowing frustration to seep through, "I'm sorry Maura."

Maura frowns, "Huh? What?"

Jane clenches her jaw and turns to look behind her, there is no-one there.

"Check your phone."

Maura fumbles with it before she manages to looks at it properly, "Nothing."

Jane sighs out her nostrils causing them to flare and Maura feels a heavy weight settle on her heart. She hopes it is just the situation that has Jane upset.

"Maura...stay here, I'll be back in a minute."

"Wait Jane..."

Jane turns to face her halfway out the door.

"What?"

"What are you sorry for? Did I...that was...it was...I'm confused."

Jane smiles weakly, she wasn't born yesterday, "I am not sorry about what just happened Maura. I will be right back...I promise."

And Jane vanishes into the hallway leaving Maura alone to contemplate what just transpired between them.

She intakes a deep breath and chews on her lip.

How can it be that one kiss meant more to her than all the sexual encounters of her entire life put together. That can't be right.

How can it be that Jane's lips are now all she can think about. Still feel.

She wishes she was as confident as Jane to say she didn't regret it.

She wonders what Jane is sorry about and why she had to leave. Was it about the unsub.

She pushes the door open and looks down the hallway.

Jane doesn't look like all she can think about is their kiss. She is on the phone, she is angry, pacing, pushing her hand through her hair one minute and rubbing the back of her neck the next. Maura's hand goes to her heart, disappointment mixed with concern.

She can hear Jane's low husky voice, deeper than it usually is, and she can make out some of what's said.

"No more...No..."

A pause.

"What the hell were you playing at...shit...I could kill you..."

Jane leans her back against the wall letting her head drop forward into her hand.

"No...she knows...I told her alright...just turn it off...we are done..."

There is a long pause before Jane speaks again.

"It don't know how she feels...but it's not your business...you still owe me..."

Another pause and Jane rubs her eyebrows as she taps her foot on the floor.

"No I haven't forgiven you...you have absolutely no idea what you've done. No. I have to go...No...Fuck you."

Jane drops her phone into her her bag then throws her palm flat against the empty wall angrily causing a loud hollow thud and also causing Maura to jump and step backwards closing the door quickly with a thud.

Jane reappears with a softer frown than she had in the hall and Maura tries to keep her face normal.

"Sorry." Jane says with an apologetic concerned look.

"You are mad Jane?"

"No." Jane's voice is gravelly and sad.

"You're lying." Maura replies with a deep frown.

"I'm not mad at you...Maur."

Maura shrugs weakly trying to brush off the thoughts and feelings attacking her mind.

"I just...I felt..." Maura starts not sure how her own sentence will end.

"I will sort this out. I promise." Jane says softly reaching out to squeeze Maura's shoulder gently.

"Did I do something...wrong?"

Jane shakes her head side to side and smiles warmly, softly.

Maura feels a bit sick and she isn't sure why, "I think...I um...I feel a bit flustered right now."

"Well...you still look beautiful." Jane says with eyes like penetrating dark orbs.

"I...Thank you Jane."

Jane smiles weakly and strokes the side of Maura's cheek, "Don't thank me."

Maura tries to read more into it, but Jane just smiles her perfectly beautiful but almost regular smile.

"I just don't understand why didn't you tell me about this Maur."

Maura opens her mouth to reply but doesn't get the chance before Jane continues.

"You could have told me that...that you got this...that you were being forced to...oh crap...me...I did this...I forced you."

Jane drops her smile and her head drops sadly, "I am so so sorry Maura."

Maura frowns, "Jane. Please don't. It wasn't a mistake."

"I...this is my fault.."

"No." Maura pleads, "Stop saying sorry unless you plan to tell me what you are sorry for."

Jane leans in closer, "It is my fault...because..." she pauses, is this really the moment she confesses, she tells Maura it was all her. Well except for the last few texts. Standing this close after just sharing a kiss, was this the moment their friendship would never be the same, was this the moment Maura would never trust her again, "Damn you Frankie." Jane mumbles under her breath before looking up into slightly bewildered hazel eyes.

"Frankie?"

"No, forget that Maur. I told you before...I am coming clean...this is my fault."

"You aren't drunk Jane...I can tell."

"No. I'm not. Try to listen Maur-"

Maura moves even closer, it reminds her of that moment in the alleyway, close and desperate. She can feel her heart speed up in anticipation. Something about those dark pools staring at her with slightly arched and pulled together eyebrows causes a sense of unease, like she will not like what she is about to hear.

"I never meant for this to happen. Not like this. It got away from me. I...I..."

Why is this so hard Jane wonders. Is it giving this up, these almost intimate moments, is that what she is really scared of. Or Maura never speaking to her again. Perhaps it's equal parts of both.

"I loved every moment we spent together. Every second. I promise Maur- I swear I never meant to hurt you. I-"

"Wait Jane."

Jane pauses, "What?"

Maura tries to quickly fathom how to put into words her thoughts, she is more afraid of Jane hating that they kissed than whoever is listening in on them. Mostly she is wondering why she perhaps...enjoyed it. Did she. "Jane. I don't...I think...I think I'm not upset."

Jane blinks a few times as if she can force that to make sense, she can't, "Huh? Upset at what? At what I did?"

Maura glances at Jane's lips and away down to the ground.

And for a moment Jane thinks Maura doesn't hate her for what she has done.

"I have loved spending so much time with you. I would only be upset if you hated it."

Jane raises an eyebrow, "Hated what?"

"Being together...and...the kiss...that...our kiss."

Jane frowns, "I - uh - I didn't hate it at all."

"But you were angry out in the hall after."

"No Maura...I am angry at myself. Kissing you was...uh...ni- not upsetting at all." She cringes at herself, she had almost said nice. It was nice. But if Maura knew how it came about.

"Then I don't understand why are you apologizing."

Jane sighs in frustration and takes both Maura's hands between hers like a plea, "Work with me here Maura, because we don't seem to be talking about the same thing right now."

Maura nods and scrunches her face to show she fully concentrating.

"Forget the kiss...well don't forget it...but for now put it aside...I need to tell you something important."

Jane licks her lips and can still remember the taste of Maura on them causing her to feel both elated and saddened.

"Forgive me..." Jane starts again. All her thoughts and feelings tangled into a loop of guilt. "Because I tried to play a joke on you and it has backfired."

Maura presses her lips together and squints. Jane can tell she hasn't quite pieced it together yet.

"I tried to prank you Maur."

Maura raises her eyebrows, "You tried...did you fail?"

"You're right...poor choice of words. The person that was after me isn't real. I made it up. All of it."

"You don't have to protect me from the truth Jane."

"But that's the thing Maura. I'm not protecting you. This is the truth. I did a bad thing...All those things we did is because I made you do them."

"I can't..."

Jane blinks and frowns deeply, patiently.

Maura looks up, her own frown, and looking into those dark eyes, Jane still holding her hands.

"You're lying...Jane..."

"I'm really sorry Maura."

"I did all those things with you because I wanted to."

"Maura," Jane draws even closer, "Think for a minute. You did them because you were scared for me."

Maura leans back against the wall with a frown.

"It was fun Maur, that's why I didn't stop what I was doing. I know that's no excuse. I should have ended it, or never have done it in the first place but...I really liked...no...I loved it...I couldn't stop, I think I got addicted to you. I think...I think I love..." Jane licks her lips and studies Maura's face for a second, "I think I love you."

Maura frowns, "You did want to kiss me." she asks weakly.

"I didn't send that text Maur. I would never manipulate you to do anything like that...not against your will."

"Would you...would you do it again? Would you want too...?"

"Do what again?...Maura...Maur- are you o-ok?"

Maura could feel the edges of her vision darkening for awhile now but it starts to take over, she might have stopped breathing completely, or she was breathing too fast. Her legs are like jelly and began to give way under her, even while Jane was talking.

She hears Jane call her name and then call for help. And as everything fades to black, she wonders why Jane would have been so hell bent for all this time on hiding her feelings.

Maura wakes with the sensation of two fingertips grazing her temple and running along her skull behind her ear.

She doesn't open her eyes for a moment enjoying the sensation even if she doesn't understand the reason for it.

She remembers her mother doing the same thing once when she was very small and very sick.

She likes it's comfort and warmth.

Like a promise everything is ok.

She doesn't need to look to know she is at home on her own bed in her own bedroom. She can tell she is not naked under the sheets but not fully dressed either. The smells and sounds and sensations surround her on all sides. She is familiar with them all. Her ticking clock, the hum of the ventilation system, even the dripping from the bathroom tap she has to get fixed, the fabric of her sheets and the softness of her pillow and the sharp scratching noise of the oak tree branch moving against the window pane. The only thing out of place is the tender long fingers grazing against her hairline.

She knows it has to be Jane.

Only Jane smells like a breath of fresh air with a hint of lavender. And only Jane breaths just like that, short and quick out her nose and long in through her mouth.

Only Jane would dare touch her in this manner without her permission while she slept. And only Jane has ever touched her like that, strong and soft, and fearlessly.

The 'why' crosses her mind over and over until she knows she will have to look to find out why.

Momentary fear prevents her from doing so. Because the last thing she remembers is kissing Jane and wanting more shortly before her memories stopped. Had she blacked out. She vaguely remembers asking for another kiss or at least trying too in her own way. She couldn't remember what happened. She couldn't comprehend what Jane had been saying. She wishes she could remember and is sad the night ended so abruptly.

She slowly opens her eyes looking up, almost expecting to see Jane watching her...perhaps even undressed because who knows what happened. The thought only partially unwelcome in the moment. But Jane is mostly dressed, top half in a loose tank top, propped up on one arm and staring at the wall on the other side or the room with a deep and worried frown. Distant and distracted.

Maura feels a tiny pang of disappointment realizing that Jane is perhaps not even aware of what her hand is doing. The affect of her touch.

"Jane?" Her own voice comes out croaky enough to startle herself. She puts it down to dehydration, the result of the wine last night.

Jane looks down slowly, face still looking like she is a million miles away.

When their eyes lock Jane smiles softly, "Welcome back."

Maura chooses not to move, not to sit up...because Jane's finger movements slow down but do not stop.

"How are you feeling?"

Maura thinks she feels perfectly normal physically, but waking up like this was a bit surreal. She wouldn't dream of moving because as long as Jane doesn't move away she wouldn't want Jane to stop soothing her, touching her. She has never known a platonic touch more comforting than this in her entire life.

"I feel fine. What happened?"

Deep dimples disappear slowly, "Really? You don't remember?"

"I...uh...I remember...you looked amazing."

Jane raises one eyebrow and smirks, "Thank you. So did you."

"I remember...we uh...we kissed...I definitely remember that. I think...did we?" Maura blushes as she speaks.

Jane frowns as she nods, "Maybe I should get you checked out at the hospital. You fainted and a doctor at the charity checked you out. He said you were just fine..."

"I am fine." Maura says with a smile, "It's just...a bit fuzzy."

"Fuzzy...that's a word I've never heard you use before."

"I've also never kissed my best friend before."

"I notice you didn't say 'I've never kissed a girl before'."

"Technically I haven't."

"Technically? The plot thickens."

Maura chuckles, "There is not plot Jane. I kissed a girl when I was very drunk once and I don't remember it."

"Maura." Jane gasps, "It seems you may have a history of kissing and forgetting."

Maura moves just enough to lightly punch Jane in the arm.

"Oh you are fine." Jane laughs.

"I don't remember seeing a doctor." Maura says suddenly looking slightly concerned.

"You were a little woozy. You woke up a few times in the cab as well. Maybe it was to do with the alcohol."

"Maybe." Maura pouts softly but deep down she knows she hadn't had enough to forget anything, "Maybe someone spiked my drink."

Jane's face darkens slightly, "I hope not...do you...do you really think so?"

Maura shakes her head, "I don't remember having any of the known symptoms."

Jane sighs in relief, "So um...What...um...what else do you remember?"

Maura crinkles her forehead as she attempts to recall the events, "We were...talking. But I don't remember what it was about. You were...you were upset weren't you? I remember you hit the wall."

Maura notices Jane swallows and tightens her jaw in response.

"I'm sorry Jane. Please. Remind me."

"I was upset at something that had nothing to do with you."

"Oh...Why were you upset?"

"It doesn't matter right now...do you remember what I told you about the texts?"

"No."

"Do you remember the text?"

Maura nods, "I do..."

Jane tries to hide her disappointment. How could Maura forget both confessions. How could Maura not remember that she loved her, "Maura...I have to tell you something."

"Oh ok." Maura replies, then follows with a shocked, "Ohhh."

"What?" Jane says quickly, "Did you just remember something?"

"Yes I did. We...we kissed and then you were upset. You saw the text message. I remember that."

"What uh...what are you thinking Maura?"

"I remember you said you weren't upset about the kiss. Were you upset because I tried to hide it from you?"

"No Maur. Me being upset had nothing to do with you." Jane says as she moves her hand away from Maura's face and rests it on the bed between them.

"Were you were upset that we only kissed because of that text...that it was outside your...our control."

Jane forces a fake smile to cover her feelings, "Is that why you kissed me?"

Maura chews her bottom lip for a moment as ponders the question and studies Jane's micro expressions.

Jane holds herself together as best she can.

"I don't know. Do you want me to say no?"

Jane shakes her head weakly, "I want you to be honest with me like you always have been Maura."

"You are disappointed in me?"

Jane sighs heavily, "I am sad you don't remember if you wanted to or not...I feel sad for you."

"Is the text the only reason you kissed me Jane?"

Jane swallows. She wonders, if, had Maura really loved her back then she would remember the confessions. If she says no then Maura might reject her this time around. And the other confession...that one could just go away couldn't it. Maura doesn't remember it. She could end this prank how she originally meant to...without the truth.

"It's ok if it wasn't...because...even if I don't remember all of it...I do remember that it was really nice."

Jane looks up from her own thoughts, "Nice?"

"Hot." Maura corrects with a blush.

Jane smirks again, "It was hot."

It was so hot that at one point Jane thought she herself would pass out from the amount of sensations that had coursed through her body. But she also knows that just because Maura liked the kiss, that didn't mean Maura loved her like Jane knew she loved Maura...not to boast her own trumpet but maybe she just was that good at kissing. She still wondered why Maura passed out. Maybe Maura wanted or needed to forget Jane's confession...but which confession.

"So was it? Was it the only reason you kissed me Jane?"

Jane needed more time to think. She needed to know the consequences of her answers.

"I need time to think about that Maur."

Maura does feel disappointed. Logic tells her that if Jane really wanted it that she could admit it. It was clear they both enjoyed it but that was a different matter.

But then she couldn't remember what happened after or what they talked about.

"Did I say something wrong last night? Did I do something embarrassing? Did we...um...?"

Jane raises an eyebrow, "Did we what Maur?"

She wants to ask if they did more than kiss but chickens out, "Nothing."

"Maur, you didn't say or do anything wrong or do anything embarrassing, you were perfect...except..."

"What?" Maura holds her breath.

Jane manages to keep a straight face, "You did fart when I was carrying you up the stairs."

Maura closes her eyes and blushes, "Sorry."

Suddenly Jane is close beside her ear whispering, "Why don't you go back to sleep?" And then she feels Jane's lips on her cheek pressing a gentle kiss, "Goodnight." And then Jane silently slips out.

Jane is two seconds away from pouncing on Frankie, pinning him on the floor, and forcing him to beg for forgiveness.

She has no qualms about tackling him and torturing him.

He steps backwards from his doorway holding his hands up to surrender.

"Give it back" Jane growls like a ferrel mother bear might approach a threat.

Frankie fishes around in his pocket pulling out the phone and deposits it into Jane's clawed hand before taking several steps backwards his hands still up.

Jane shakes her head, mostly to herself, willing herself not to be too hard on the brother she has been so used to defending.

"I'm sorry." Frankie offers weakly.

"I just don't even know what to say to you." Jane says as she stares at the phone directing her anger at it instead of him. "Why? I trusted you."

Frankie looks down at his feet.

"Why?"

"Jane...Nina found the phone. She interogated me. I couldn't keep it from her. She seemed to know what was happening anyway."

"Nina knows?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry Jane. She told me what to text. She...she made me."

"Are you whipped Frankie?" Jane growls through clenched teeth.

"No." He says as he drops his arms to his sides, shrugs, groans and nods simultaneously.

"Grow some balls and you tell Nina that she can never say anything to anyone about this...ever!"

"I will. I promise I will."

Jane rubs her hands together pressing the scars into each other.

"Why would Nina make that the text." Jane asks herself.

"Did she kiss you?"

Jane grunts, "Shut up, I am never telling you what happened ok."

Frankie scowls not getting the hint, "How did Maura take the truth?"

Jane glares at him like she does her perps in interrogation, "She doesn't remember me telling her anything...so if you say one damn word..."

"I know I know." Frankie puts his hands up in surrender again.

"I should tell her again." Jane says to herself.

Frankie clenches his jaw, "Just end it. She doesn't need to know. Nina said Maura would forgive you for anything...but you have already confessed once anyway and, I don't know, maybe...maybe that was enough...maybe she can't know...just make it go away?"

The corner of Jane's mouth twitches in thought, "Maybe."

Jane looks up at her brother, trying to hide the hurt and disappointment of the last twenty-four hours. Her brother looks sorry, and pale. He knows there is nothing more he can say.

She also knows that this was her own doing.

She made Maura kiss her...she can almost feel Maura's lips on hers again. Lust and guilt, equal amounts fight head to head. She could have refused to follow through with the kiss and made Maura understand why, she had been selfish, she had wanted it more than she should have.

She has to decide what to do from here.

Tell Maura the truth, again, and thus reveal her true feelings and live with the consequences of Maura's wrath.

Or end it like she had planned to and then run away from it all like the chicken shit she is.

"However much you owed me before Frankie...now it is even bigger."

"I know." He mumbles.

...to be continued...