2
The encounters with Killian at the diner started to happen every day. She was already there when the bells of the front door chirped, and not too late after that, he was already sat opposite her, with his cheeky smile. And she knew she should tell him to stop doing that, she should fight for her alone time, but she just couldn't. She missed that, communication with another human being besides her mother, and he was nice, so nice. He was the first man who's talked to her in ages without second intentions. Not that she wasn't dumb or naive, he obviously wanted more from her, the flirting and innuendos told her so, but he respected her, he never pressured her. He just made her laugh like no one has done in years. He told her stories or what had happened the previous night at the club. He never asked her about her dark expression, why she was always quiet or why she was alone, even though she knew he wanted to, she could read that in his eyes. And that's why they should stop that, she remembered herself. She couldn´t lie to him, but she also couldn´t tell him.
It's not like they were dating, they weren´t. They were just two friends who spend their mornings together and talked as if they'd known the other for their entire life, but nothing more. Emma felt things, but it wasn't like he felt the same, or like she could do something about it.
A few weeks after they've started having breakfast together, she stopped showing up anymore. If she couldn't tell him with words he should stop sitting at her desk, maybe her actions did. It was the coward way, but she was that, a coward. She didn't want a confrontation, she didn't want his questions, because she wasn't brave, or strong enough to answer him and not spilling everything. And she knew he didn´t deserve her avoidance, but it was the best thing she could think of, and she felt guilty.
When he got into the diner that first day she stopped going, he felt something weird at first, but he didn't know what. It was an odd feeling, like suddenly the usually warm diner was cold. He shivered. Killian had hot blood, so he was usually quite warm, so he was surprised when he started shacking a bit and felt his cold hands. Then, he noticed she wasn't there. He waited for her, maybe she took a longer path that morning for her jogging, or she got distract by something else, but soon he realized she wasn't showing up. Maybe she was sick.
He went home and the next day he came back expecting to finally see her, but she wasn't there either. The cold atmosphere persisted though. He was worried, why wasn't she there? Was she sick? Did she leave town? Was her mother was feeling worse? He wanted to call her, but he never asked for her phone number because even though she was opening herself a little, he didn't want to scare her off. When he left, he was worried, and he felt a foreign sensation that something didn't feel right. Something in his gut told him so.
She didn't show up the rest of the week and he didn't know how to feel. Worried? He was. Sad? Angry? He didn't have the right to be angry, maybe she did was sick, but when that afternoon he saw her walking Storybrooke with her mother, he got annoyed. Was she avoiding him? Had he done something? She could at least had given him some kind of explanation. They weren't kids, they could talk if something he did made her feel uncomfortable.
That evening, before his shift started, he asked around to see if anyone knew were Emma Swan lived, and soon he was knocking at her door. Her house was outside the town and up a hill. It was closer to the woods than he had thought. The highway was ten minutes from the house. She kind of lived in the middle of nowhere and he wondered why. Everything was so quiet there; she must feel lonely living in that big house all alone.
When she opened the door, he regretted even being there for the shocked and terrified expression she greeted him with. He knew that wasn't because she was afraid of him, but why? Why did she act like that? It wasn't the first time he's seen that face.
"What are you doing here?" She burst.
"Not even a 'hello', Swan? That's bad form" He half joked; half reproached her. She couldn't even look him in the eye, so he relaxed his face and reached for her hand "I've missed you at Granny's this week, love, and I was worried something happened to you. Are you okay?"
Her face changed. She was still shocked, but this time it was more of surprise than fear, and even a bit of tenderness. She was still tense "I'm sorry, Killian, but I think we shouldn't see each other anymore" she moved her hand back to her side. She didn't want to feel his touch, or even look at him, she already felt miserable. When she sheepishly moved her eyes to his, she wanted to scream when she saw his face. But what was done, was done, and even though saying those words hurt, it was for the best.
"What? Why?" He didn't expect that "is there... do you have a boyfriend?" He was afraid of her answer, but he needed to know. They weren't dating, obviously, but there was something between them. Or maybe he misread the signals and she wasn't in the same path as him.
"Gods, no" she almost laughed shaking her head, as if taking that thought out of her head. Killian was so puzzled he didn't know what to say. Maybe he would have preferred her to have a boyfriend, he wouldn't feel that rejected now. And why did she laugh? She was extraordinary, every guy would be lucky to be with her. "Look, Killian" she sighed, taking a step into the porch and closing the door after her "I like you and for that same reason I have to stay away from you. I don't want to hurt you, and sadly people who are close to me end like that. Don't ask me anything, but this is for the best. I'm sorry"
Didn't she realized that with that she was already hurting him? He felt rejected, even unworthy. She couldn't do anything wrong to him. He could handle her.
"I don't understand, love. Why do you say that? You won't hurt me, Emma"
"Please, Killian, don't ask me anything more. You know nothing, you don't know what I'm capable of" that last part was a whisper, he wouldn't had heard it if he wasn't that close to her. She was sad, she felt the tears in the corner of her eyes. But she couldn't cry, she had to be strong, because if she crumbled, she would do something she would regret later. And him would too. And even though there was nothing she wanted more than to shelter in his arms, he couldn´t. he wasn´t that person to her, the one who could comfort her every time she wanted. There was no-one like that in her life.
"What is this secret you are afraid of?" He whispered, and she wouldn't have heard it if she didn't have that great hearing. He held her hands again, both this time, and searched her eyes. "Love, I don't want to pressure you. Take your time if that's what you need, but I will be here waiting for you, even if you just want to talk"
"This is not about time" he still had that quizzical look in his eyes "I have to go back in" she looked at him one last time in his cerulean blue eyes before stepping in the house and closing the door before him. Then, she broke.
Emma did what she hasn't done for a very long time and cried. It hurt. Knowing someone wanted you, but not being able to reciprocate, even though she wanted to. But all this was for his well-being. She closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling, but the image of his hurt face was in the back of her mind. He had look at her with so much pain and she hated it. She didn't want to be the person who hurt him, but better hurting him in this way than with the actual truth. Emma turned around and pushed the curtain of the little window next to the door. She saw how he disappeared down the path, his head down like a puppy that had been reprimanded. She glued him to her memory, she didn't want to forget those weeks together, even if they did nothing more than have breakfast, because they'd been amazing, the most alive and happy she's felt for years. She had really good memory, so that wouldn't be a problem, she would remember him for many years.
She needed fresh air and to forget the last hour, and she knew the best way to do so. For once, she didn't care there was still daylight she needed to get out of there, so she left through the back door and rush into the forest, to soon disappear between the trees, running free. At least, she was certain no-one would see her. That's why she chose that isolated house when she moved back town.
Thank you for the nice comments, they are really appreciated. All of you are asking about Emma's secret lol… keep reading haha, the truth won't come out till the last chapter, but maybe if you pay attention, you'll guess something… there are little clues. Anyway, thank you for reading.