After informing Balthazar that'd he'd be gone longer than initially expected, he tucked his cell into his pocket and stared at the steering wheel of his car. Gabriel told him he was in no condition to be driving for hours into the night, and that they should spend the night at his apartment and wait till morning to make the trip. Castiel hadn't opposed… and he hadn't agreed, either. He just simply slipped into his SUV to make the call to Balthazar, a quick, one sided conversation, and now he sat in silence.

If he felt like crying, he'd have wept till there were no tears left in him. If he'd felt the urge to scream, he would have screamed himself raw. If he wanted to run away from Gabriel, escape his brother and the news of his father, he would be half way to California by now.

But he didn't feel like doing anything.

He sat in his SUV, staring at the steering wheel, and he had utterly no idea of what he wanted to do. It was like his mother all over again, except now he had a chance to say all he wanted to say before his father passed. With his mother, it had been so unexpected. He'd only been 16 at the time, and he'd only been in school for two hours that morning when he was given the news by his principal. She'd fallen down an entire flight of stairs and broke her neck.

What made him the most upset, though, was that he hadn't said goodbye to her that morning. Every day, before he went off to school, he would always say goodbye and tell his mother he loved her. She'd either be in the kitchen, sipping a mug of coffee, or sitting in the living room, reading from a book or the newspaper, still in her robe. Castiel didn't remember seeing her in either room that morning, and without thinking anything of it, he left for school.

He never let himself live that down.

Of course, him not saying his morning farewells had nothing to do with the accident she had latter on that morning, but his mind told him it was all his fault. If he had looked for her that morning, searched through their large house and found her, maybe she wouldn't have fell. It was a ridiculous notion, but it still felt valid in his mind.

He's never told anyone, not even Gabriel, that he feels like he's the reason their mother is dead. He's not sure if it's from shame for thinking such a way, or fear, that maybe Gabriel would agree. Maybe he'd agree and never talk to him again.

Castiel closes his eyes and leans forward until his forehead his resting against the steering wheel.

He told himself this time it was different. He wasn't the cause of his father's eventual passing, and all he could do now was go and be by his side.

He tried not to think how it was his fault because he'd moved away.

Gabriel stood at the top of the stairs, right in front of Castiel's apartment door, staring down at the unmoving SUV. He sighed, looking down at the pavement below him.

"No, he's just sitting in his SUV. He didn't say anything- Well, he said he needed to call Balthazar. Then he just went and sat in his car." He spoke into his cell phone, eyes sightless as he listened for a response.

There was some rustling on the other end of the phone, "Are you sure he's not crying or anything?" Lucifer asked, his voice concerned, "If he's crying you need to go to him. You can't leave him alone like that." He told his younger brother.

Gabriel grimaced, "That's what I'm trying to tell you, he's not crying. He's not making a sound. He got off the phone with his friend and he just…" Gabriel tried to search for the right word to describe his brother's behavior.

"He just shut down." He shook his head solemnly. "It's like after mom died. I'm sure he blames himself for this, too." He picked at some flacking paint on the railing he stood propped against. "And I still don't know how to console him."

Unbeknownst to Castiel, Gabriel and even Lucifer had picked up on how his behavior had changed after their mother passed. Gabriel had been 18, while Lucifer had been 23, and already moved out of the house, like Michael. Castiel had stopped eating and would often stay up late into the night, either studying or writing. He would do anything really, and he'd leave his room in the morning, already dressed and ready to go to school. Lucifer was the one who suggested it was like Castiel was punishing himself on one of his visits home. It was then that the two brothers realized Castiel blamed their mother's death on himself. At first Gabriel didn't want to believe it, because honestly, how could anyone blame themselves for an accident?

And then one night Gabriel had been returning to his room after fetching a glass of water and he'd heard Castiel. Praying.

He'd asked God for forgiveness. He told God he was sorry he hadn't sought out his mother that morning and caused her death. Then he'd burst into a fit of sobs.

Even though Gabriel wasn't good at things like that, he still entered his brother's room and knelt down beside him where he had his arms propped up on his bed and wrapped him in a hug. Neither of them had exchanged any words, and Gabriel let Castiel cry out his frustration and self-hate on his shoulder. Neither of them had spoken of that night since it happened.

Lucifer sighed through the receiver, "Well, just… keep a close eye on him. He's got to let it out at some point." There was some more rustling and clanking of metal.

Gabriel furrowed his brow in question, "Are you working?"

Lucifer was silent for a minute, and the only sounds were more clanking and a hiss, like from a fryer. "Yes." Was his only reply.

Gabriel grinned, "So you're talking on the phone on the job…"

"Hey, this is my restaurant. I can do whatever the hell I want." He grumbled.

The younger brother rolled his eyes, "I thought you were gonna be at the house." He shifted in his lean against the railing.

"Yea, well, there's only so much of the media and extended family that I can take." There was some more clanking and then an audible click. "Besides, Michael told me to go. He said he'd entertain while I worked. It's the only way I can get my head clear."

"I understand." Gabriel commented. Not only did they have friends of the family over at their house, but members of the media were trying to get a story from anyone on the premises. Of course they weren't being let past the gate, but they were still annoying. Gabriel felt he'd have a headache just thinking about it, but hopefully they'd all be gone by the time he and Castiel showed up. He looked back down at their brother in his car. "When we get home, I want that hash brown dish you make ready in the fridge."

There was a pause before Lucifer answered, "Why? I mean, sure I'll whip it up…"

"It's Castiel's favorite, ya'Dummy." He grinned. If there was any small comfort he could give his brother, then he'd find it. And so help him God, if anyone brought up how Castiel's move made their father visibly depressed, he'd punch them right in the throat. Any parent would be upset by their children moving so far away, but that had nothing to do with his sudden illness, and he sure as hell didn't want Castiel listening to all that bullshit. Hearing about their father's depression would only make Castiel that much worse off.

Lucifer chuckled, "Yea, okay. I'll get started on it as soon as it dies down here." Lucifer's restaurant was his pride and joy, and after receiving five star reviews, it became the place to dine in town. Their father held most of his dinner meetings in his restaurant, both because it was such a nice place, and it also presented the opportunity to show-off his son's abilities.

Lucifer's restaurant is ran with an iron fist, though his entire staff recognized his ability and respected him immensely. He'd spent three years in France, training under the wings of some of the most prestige chiefs in Paris, all at their father's expense. Nothing was too good for his boys.

Gabriel's grin turned softer, more thoughtful, then it fell entirely. "How's Dad doing…?"

There was another long pause, but there was no rustling of cooking to accompany it. Lucifer didn't want to answer. "He's deteriorating at an alarming rate. I'm sure he won't be able to talk here soon." His voice was small, and wounded. Though their father was a stubborn jackass of a man, there was no doubt that his son's still loved him. The boy's only regret is that neither of them had fathered grandchildren for him.

Gabriel ran his thumb over the metal railing then turned, his back now pressed against it, "We would be on the road now, but its late, and I'm fairly certain Castiel wouldn't be able to make it." He glanced over his shoulder at the SUV, "At least, not like this."

"Alright." Lucifer reasoned, then sighed, "Just hurry up and get here. You heard what the doctor said."

Gabriel didn't need to be reminded of the doctor's words. They were engraved in his mind, and haunted him with each passing day. "Of course. I'll talk to you later, bro." he mumbled, and without waiting for a farewell, he hung up his cell and put it back in his pocket. He tapped his fingers against the bulge of his phone in his pocket for a moment before he began to walk back down the steps to the parking lot.

He needed to get Castiel inside so they could sleep. He was sure Castiel wouldn't get much if any, but he still needed to try. Their drive would take hours, and the cold, northern weather didn't help any.

The next morning, Gabriel sat on a bar stool pulled up to one of the counters in Castiel's kitchen, facing out toward the living room so he could watch the news. He sipped at a cup of coffee, that Castiel joked was more sugar than coffee. It was the only remark he'd made all morning, besides greeting his brother downstairs and informing him he'd be taking a shower after he made the coffee.

It struck Gabriel as odd how Castiel didn't ask about their Dad, what the circumstances were, how long he had… But then again, he thought maybe Castiel just didn't want to know. He could handle that, he guessed. He just wished Castiel would talk more, not like he was a real talker before, but still.

It was as he was half way through with his first cup that there was a ring at the door.

Gabriel's brow raised as he turned and looked over his shoulder at the door. He then looked down at himself and realized he was only wearing the pajama pants Castiel gave him to sleep in. He only grinned, thinking that it was probably Balthazar, or maybe another of Castiel's writer buddies. So, he got up, cup of coffee still in hand, and went to answer the door.

It was to his astonishment that there was a blond woman wrapped in winter coats and carrying a tray of brownies standing there. She looked just as shocked as he was.

"Um, hello?" was Gabriel's weak greeting.

"Uh, I'm Rachel. Is… Castiel home?" the woman didn't seem to be too entirely interested in Gabriel, and it seemed she didn't have time for the strange man in no shirt.

Gabriel chuckled, "Actually he's taking a shower at the moment. But you're welcome to step inside and wait for him if you like, he shouldn't be that much longer." Gabriel suggested, stepping aside to let Rachel in past him. The woman gave a tight lipped smile, obviously feeling a bit awkward by the situation, but took the invitation inside. She made her way to the kitchen where she set down the tray, a few droplets of rain splashing to the counter off the plastic wrap.

"So, now you know my name…" Rachel began, untying the scarf wrapped around her neck. Gabriel raised his brows expecting something more after that, but then he realized what she meant by it.

"Oh," He quickly stepped forward and stuck out his hand to her, "I'm Gabriel. Castiel's older brother." He grinned. This time Rachel's brows rose, accepting his hand for a shake, "Castiel never told me he had a brother."

"Well he has three, actually." He corrected with a small chuckle.

Rachel gave a small, reserved laugh of her own. "Amazing. He never talks about his family."

Gabriel took a sip of coffee to hide the face he pulled. He couldn't say that he was all that surprised. Castiel never liked standing in the shadow of his family, especially after the newspaper article fiasco.

"He doesn't like sharing. He's not very open." He assured, giving a slight nod.

Rachel chuckled, "Oh, I know." She picked at the plastic wrap around the brownies, "Or rather, I don't know."

That time the both of them laughed in unison. Then Gabriel grinned to the girl, "So, Rachel… Are you Castiel's-"

"Oh, no no, we're not-" She began to giggle, her face turning a shade of red as she looked away for a moment. "We're taking things slow. I know he's busy most the time, so I bring him these treats every Sunday to cheer him up." She grinned to Gabriel. "What we've got is special and I understand why he wants to take it slow." She blushed harder as she looked to the ground, a few strands of her blond hair falling over her eyes.

Gabriel's grin was wide and Chesire. "Oh, I bet." Yes, he was going to enjoy the next conversation he had with his brother.

Castiel ran his towel through his hair rapidly, sending it every which way before he scrubbed it down his soaked limbs and under his arms and legs. He made quick work of drying himself off before he threw the now wet towel into a basket beside the bathroom door in his bedroom. He'd just slipped on a pair of briefs when he heard his brother coming up the spiral staircase.

"I'm getting dressed." He announced, not bothering to turn around as he rummaged around in his closet for some pants and an acceptable shirt.

"Castiel, when were you going to tell me you had a girlfriend." Was what Gabriel decided to ask as Castiel was fitting a button up shirt over his arms.

Castiel's brows furrowed, confused, because no, he didn't have a girlfriend, and why was Gabriel practically whispering? "I don't." was Castiel's simple reply.

"Ooh." Gabriel made an amused expression, coming closer to his brother, then leaning against the wall by the closet, "The nice young lady down stairs begs to differ."

Castiel's eyes went wide, "Rachel?"

Shit. He'd forgotten today was Sunday.

Gabriel began to chuckle under his breath, grinning stupidly at his younger brother. "She seems real nice, Castiel. Why 'you got her in the friend zone?" he joked, knowing good and well why.

Castiel glared at his brother, "I need you to get her out of here." He spoke now in a hushed tone as well, not wanting his voice to carry over the short loft wall. He hurriedly searched through his pants and started yanking them on. Rachel was the last person he wanted to see today, and if Gabriel loved him he would do him this one favor.

"Oh, but she's not going anywhere until she sees you trying one of her brownies." Gabriel commented, earning a groan from Castiel. He then leaned closer to his brother, "But I wouldn't eat them, I think she put ruffies in them."

Castiel rolled his eyes, "So you didn't try her brownies?" he gave his brother a skeptical glance. Gabriel ran his tongue along the lining of his mouth, as if to wash the evidence away, then glanced down once before he answered, "No…"

Castiel gave a lopsided grin, shaking his head once, "I don't care what you tell her, just get her to leave." He mumbled, buttoning the buttons along his chest.

"Oh, okay. So you won't mind if I tell her you couldn't come down because you were too busy beating one off to a picture of her-" "Gabriel!" he hissed at his brother in warning, and if Gabriel hadn't dodged it just in time, he was sure he'd have left a bruise in his arm where he would've hit him.

"Just tell her we're leaving in a few minutes, she'll leave. I promise." Gabriel chuckled, then started to head back to the stairs, ignoring the glare on his back from his younger brother. And Castiel wasn't sure when he got them back, but he watched him shove another of his caramel chews in his mouth before he began to descend.

He huffed, his shoulders sagging as he gave in. Gabriel was right, and it was wrong to treat Rachel that way. He began to button the last two buttons left on his shirt and started to feel shitty for dragging Rachel along like this, but… He didn't want to hurt her feelings. She really was a nice girl, he just…

He sighed, his hands dropping as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He needed to break it to her somehow, he just didn't know how. He didn't mind that she came over every Sunday after church, but when they would take a walk around the park, there was more than one time where he had to covertly walk with some distance between them or there'd be a handholding attempt from Rachel he'd have to fend off.

The worst though, by far, was when he'd went to her little bakery to pick up some bread. He wound up having to wait ten minutes, because that's when she 'got off', and Rachel bought the bread for him and even walked home with him. And because he's such a push over, Castiel wound up making sandwiches for the both of them.

It was an awkward affair on his part, but Rachel would never know because he's so good at masking his unease around others, thanks to his public face training. But then, at the end of there… Castiel didn't even want to call it a date, but at the end of that encounter, he'd led her to his door and went to give her a farewell hug when Rachel, out of nowhere, stole a kiss. If he hadn't of been so shocked, he would've been annoyed, and there wasn't much time for him to brush off the shock before Rachel was giggling and skipping away.

Just remembering it, Castiel shuddered. It wasn't that she was gross, or anything, it's just… He didn't realize her lipstick had left a residue until later that night, when he glanced down at a glass he'd been drinking out of and there was a small red smudge.

He swallowed, and bravely headed down stairs. He could hear Gabriel chatting with Rachel, a good sign, he thought. Then he saw her, sitting neatly on one of his tall barstools, her hands folded over the counter. Once she noticed him coming down, her smile was bright and pleasant, and she was truly happy to see him, as would anyone under the spell of puppy love.

"Good morning, Rachel." He greeted as he finally made it to his kitchen, his smile tight, but nice enough to fool Rachel.

"Good morning, Castiel." She greeted back, and it was then that Castiel noticed the small amused quirk of her lip. "I see you washed up nicely in your shower."

Castiel grinned, of course she would comment on him being fresh out of the shower. He was certain that was an attempt at flirting. "Yes, I reeked of Greek food from last night." He commented under his breath. He knew the way she felt, and it would hurt her when he finally admitted that he didn't feel the same way, but that didn't mean he had to play along with the flirting game.

And really, if he wanted to, he probably wouldn't know how.

Rachel giggled anyway, as if Castiel had flirted back, "I made you brownies today. It's the kind with the marshmallow puff mixed in." she smiled warmly as she reached across the counter and retrieved the brownie tray, only having one small square taken away.

"Thank you, Rachel. You know you don't have to." He commented, hoping she got the message from that alone, but he knew it was hopeless. He took out a pre-cut square and took a nibble from it, to satisfy her. After chewing and smiling to her, she smiled back, "Are they good?"

"Of course." He commented, eating the rest of the small square. He gave a small glance to Gabriel, and he could've glared because his older brother was just grinning like a fool as he stood leaned against the stove. He was enjoying this too much for Castiel's liking, and he decided now was the time to tell her.

Well, it wasn't that time to tell her, no, he was sure that would come much later. Right now he needed to tell her of his departure.

"Rachel, my brother came over because he wants me to come back home with him for a family reunion." He decided it was safest to stick with that story. And if he had to tell the family reunion story to Balthazar, there was no way he was telling the truth to Rachel.

Rachel gave a small gasp, her hands clapping once together, "Oh, that sounds so nice, Castiel! How long has it been since you saw the rest of your family?" Castiel gave an uncomfortable sigh, but his smile didn't waver, "It's been one year." He answered.

"But the point I'm getting to is that we're about to be leaving shortly. I should've told you yesterday when Gabriel got here." He feigned apology in his sentence.

Rachel laughed, the sound high and resonating in his loft apartment, "No, Castiel, it's been nice to talk with your brother." There was a pause as she glanced over to Castiel's older brother, making a show of giving him a once over, "He's such a charmer." She grinned to Gabriel who smirked and then winked, causing her to giggle some more.

Castiel was fairly certain that display was meant to rouse a sense of possession in him towards her. Castiel tried very hard to quell the urge to jump out a window.

He managed to chuckle instead, then swiftly turned the conversation in the other direction, "Well, I have to grab a few more things, and I'm ready to go." He told his brother, who thankfully got the message.

"Alrighty." He leaned forward until he fell forward the smallest bit and caught himself with an outstretched leg. "I hope you don't mind if I share these with the rest of the family, Rachel." Gabriel caught her attention, allowing Castiel to slip away upstairs to continue to get ready. "But I'm pretty sure everyone would like to try a piece." He smiled innocently to her.

Rachel gave a wide smile, "Oh of course not, they're for everyone to enjoy." She assured Gabriel. As Castiel went back upstairs, he could only shake his head because he knew all the brownies would be gone before they could hit the borders of Idaho.

Okay, so I made a small mistake in the last chapter, and instead of it being Rachel, I wrote Heather for some reason. I fixed it now, and there should be no problem.

(BLD)