Poppy

The day ended like any other day. Rory was busy selecting his outfits for the week and I was updating the shortlist for the Winebrary, both wine and Wine-brarian selection. Angie called, something about Will, pizza, hands, toenail clippings under the couch, long story short, Angie and Will shared a kiss.

They somehow split a tiny tinfoil wrapped chocolate she found under the couch next to some nails, yuck, but probably the most romantic these two have ever gotten. She's such a nut. She doesn't even know that she loves him. He doesn't know what he's missing. Angie is amazing, she's loyal, fiercely protective and a great mom. Thinking about their relationship got me all kinds of twisted up inside. When Douglas and I decided that we were going to take a chance on us, I hadn't truly considered what that would mean.

Before Will and Miggy came along, the three of us had a system and it worked. Douglas was to the point, he had to work, wanted to get to business meetings on time, wanted to go to the club on certain days and occasionally had a date with some young heifer.

I'd be lying if I said I never gave Douglas a double take back then. I noticed he would sometimes do extra things for me, little things. I figured it was because I was, well hell I'm typically a much nicer person on the surface than Angie, that's my girl but sometimes she just doesn't give a fuck.

Then when Miggy came along, his concerns about my becoming his landlord were more than apparent, but I chopped that up to us becoming genuine friends and him just showing concern.

Everything started to become clear when Will came around. Having an additional big kid on the grid created more adult conversation. More talk of relationships, dating, sex. More talk of wants, needs, desires. Thus, more looks. Not even lingering looks. Looks that lasted about .8 seconds longer than the conversation. Is that lingering? What's the length of a linger? Anyway, I noticed.

I see the same things happening with Will and Angie. I wonder about them. I wonder when they decided to make the move, what's going to happen? Two couples in one group? Something seems off. Feels wrong. Don't get me wrong here I'm not catapulting my relationship for the sake of my girl but I'm trying to see this whole thing five years from now. When the kids don't need a babysitter on Friday nights, when they're learning how to drive and don't want to carpool to high school.

I want things to be perfect the way they are right now, or the way they were before that election kiss. I want the kids to stay friends. That's so damn important to me. They've become family. I don't want to be the one to ruin all of this. I know he'll understand. I'm sure his ego is going to be a little raw at first, but Douglas is on good occasion very reasonable. Hell, this has been fun, but is it worth it? He'll understand.

Douglas

"I just feel like maybe it's inevitable?"

I can't believe she's saying what she's saying. Am I losing my mind? Damn, maybe I'm having another heart attack, I knew I shouldn't have touched that ham this morning.

"Us breaking up. Is inevitable? Poppy, I'm so damned lost right now, you've gotta tell me why you're feeling like this."

"I don't think I should have to."

Yeah, maybe I'm having a stroke, she's starting to sound like Angie.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, Douglas, being with you has been wonderful, and it's made me so happy, but I'm trying to tell you that I just feel like this is best. I mean can you really see us still together after the kids stop needing a grid? Pretty soon it's just going to be Jack and I doubt Miggy is going to stay unmarried forever. Hell, even if he chooses not to marry he's into polyamorous relationships and someone'll watch the kid."

Was that her rationale? The grid? This was about protecting the way we watched the kids? What the hell?

"What the hell? What are you talking about? The kids getting older and more independent? That's two great reasons for us to stay together, I'll start planning island getaways."

She's looking down, to the side, and every time she looks straight at me for more than a second, she blinks and looks away, yeah I'm noticing all this stuff, I can see all of it clearly now. All those little things I never noticed about other women, about her, she taught me how to slow down and pay attention, all these things, they add up. But this isn't adding up fast enough.

"No. Douglas. This isn't going to last past whatever it is that we are right now. I don't know what I was thinking. I need us to go back."

God, she looks so serious and sad.

"Go back to what? 'Tubbers'?" I was hoping for a smirk, alas.

"Just friends. Friends who support each other's decisions and time management issues."

Don't do it. Don't you dare. Don't you beg this woman that is telling you how it is.

Don't tell her how you pathetically want it to be, need it to be.

"Okay." Keep going old man, tell her what she needs so this conversation can end, let it start now, why the hell is this still being talked about. "I don't want to do this. But you know what you want. And I would never attempt to act like I have any control over that."

Yes, just the right amount of smart ass and truth. Well played.

Look at her, she almost looks annoyed, I know her face of relief, I know every face, this is the 'kinda annoyed but mostly shocked' face, this is not the relief face you get when you want to break up with someone and it actually happens.

Why is she doing this?

Poppy

Was that it? That's all he's going to say to me. He doesn't even want to...what the hell…. I am not the girl begging for a man to be desperate for her but... I wouldn't want him begging and pleading damn maybe just a little.. no-no… that was not the point.

That was not why I did this.

Just let him go so we can start moving on.