Chapter 4: Third Trimester

February 2014

Draco slowly woke to the sound of moans in the bed next to him. It took several minutes for his awareness to fully awaken, but when he did, he sighed and rolled over. Harry was struggling in his sleep, fighting off an invisible foe that only he could see.

Eight years of sharing a bed in the same home had taught Draco to be very cautious when waking Harry from a nightmare. He did not relish being pummeled or cursed, as Harry didn't always need a wand to throw his magic around.

"Harry," he said in a low tone. "It's a nightmare, love, wake up."

More moans and thrashing, but no waking. He hadn't expected it to work that quickly anyway.

"Harry, it's Draco. You're dreaming," he urged, this time louder.

Harry sat up, panting and wild-eyed, Draco falling back out of his way. He knew his husband wasn't coherent yet, and could still lash out.

"Harry," he said soothingly. "It's okay. Everyone is okay. I'm here, Ron and Hermione are fine. It was just a dream." There were times he needed to list all of Harry's friends, but usually, Ron and Hermione and Draco were on the top of Harry's nightmare list.

He listened to the breathing slow, and Harry began to focus.

"Water," Harry rasped out. "Oh, God." He dropped his head into his hands.

Draco handed him a cup of cold water, then sat next to him, careful not to touch yet. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe, but I just need some more distance first. It was a bad one. A new one. Oh, God. I think I'm going to be sick." Harry managed to put down the cup before he leaned over the side of the bed and heaved.

Draco looked on, feeling helpless. Harry didn't like to be touched when it was this bad, so he just waited, then grabbed his wand and cleaned up the sick, casting an air freshening charm after.

Harry sat rocking back and forth in the bed—self-soothing, the Mind-Healer had called it—arms wrapped around himself and occasionally letting out little noises. Finally, Draco could see him beginning to relax, but only slightly. That was usually the sign that Draco could touch.

He put his hand out tentatively onto Harry's shoulder, and Harry turned to him, settling into the offered embrace. Draco leaned back onto the cushioned headboard and let Harry lay his back against Draco's chest. He began to gently run his fingers through Harry's hair, attempting to offer comfort.

Finally, Harry spoke. "God, Draco, I don't know if I can verbalize this one. I think I need to, but I don't know if I can."

"Do you want to wait a few days?"

"No, I have to get it out or it'll eat at me." Harry was silent for several minutes, and Draco just let him prepare. Finally, he spoke.

"I was on Privet Drive in my cupboard. That's not all that surprising, I have those dreams often enough. But then I realized I wasn't me, I was the baby, and I wasn't on Privet Drive anymore, but here. I heard an angry man shouting at me from outside the cupboard, and when he opened the door, it was me. Really me, I mean. Not the baby. I changed perspectives at that point and saw myself screaming at the child, hurling obscenities. I pulled him out and threw him up against the wall because he didn't move fast enough, then…" He trailed off. "Oh God, this makes me so sick." He took a deep breath. "And then I kicked him and pushed him down the hall to start cleaning the kitchen."

Draco wasn't sure what to say but knew from years of visiting with Harry's Mind Healer— sometimes as a couple, sometimes alone— that Harry just needed him to listen. So he listened. And each word hurt his heart, knowing that this was an overlaying of memory and projection and worry. These things had likely happened to Harry in some capacity. But, he reminded himself, there was nothing to be done now. Just listen.

Harry continued. "I wouldn't let him eat but would throw food onto the floor for him to clean up, stepping on his hand if he tried to put it in his mouth. He was so hungry."

Finally, Harry turned to look at Draco. "What if I become him, Draco? I have a nasty temper. What if I let it loose on our innocent child? What if I take everything I learned about being a father from him?"

Draco couldn't stop himself from growling. "That man was never a father, to you or his son. Look at Dudley and Marigold. He doesn't treat her like that in any way. She adores him, and he does a good job of setting limits and teaching her right from wrong. If anyone should have been afraid of growing up like Vernon Dursley, it would have been him. But he hasn't, and you won't." He took Harry's face in his hands. "Harry Potter, you are an amazing godfather for Teddy, Alice, and Rosie, and a ridiculously patient uncle to all those other Weasley children. Never once have I seen you even slightly become barbaric and dangerous. I have every faith in you that this was just a dream, a nightmare."

"But what if—" Harry tried to argue.

"No. No what if. If you were to become something different, then I would put the baby's well-being before yours and get him or her out of here. Is that what you want to hear? That I wouldn't leave a child with someone like that just because I want to be here?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's what I want to hear."

"Then I promise. And it's an easy promise to make because it will not ever happen."

Draco pause and decided how to proceed. "Harry, when you think of a dad—not a father, but a dad—who comes to your mind first? Don't think about it, just answer.

"Arthur."

"Exactly. When I see you interacting with the little ones, that's who you remind me of. If anything, maybe you should be worried about starting a Muggle plug collection or something barmy like that."

Harry snorted, which was the reaction Draco had been aiming for.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, then Harry just wrapped his arms around Draco, sliding down from his mostly inclined position into something more reasonable for sleeping. "Can I sleep here? Please?"

"Of course. Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"I really love you, you know that, right? This is going to be amazing. I'm so sorry you had that nightmare, but I have every confidence in you. It's natural to have doubts. I freaking ran away for an entire afternoon, right? You want to be a good dad, so you will be. End of story."

Draco could hear Harry's breathing even out and drift into sleep. It had only taken forty-five minutes this time. It was a quick one, he thought, as he felt himself begin to fall off into sleep.

Late February 2014

"If you don't want me here, then I'll leave, Draco. I've only stayed this long because you both demanded it. I don't need you telling me what to do like I'm a small child."

Harry could hear Luna's raised voice as he approached the house and sighed. Evidently, even the most even-tempered woman on the planet could not withstand pregnancy hormones. She'd been snapping at them both for weeks now. They were just trying to help her, as she was supposed to stay off her feet to keep the swelling down, but that wasn't going well, obviously.

He opened the door and watched Draco attempting to placate an extremely large and angry Luna Lovegood. She looked as though she was wanting to get up and stomp away, but was having trouble lifting herself from her chair.

She looked up and saw him, then reached out. "Dammit, Harry, help me up so I can storm off, please. Your husband is pissing me off, your child is squashing my lungs, and I am done. I'm going to go see Padma and beg her to take this child out of me."

Harry wisely smothered a laugh and helped her up. "Hey, why don't you get out of here for a while. I have something for you."

"Yeah? Gimme!" Luna's demeanour immediately brightened at the idea of a gift.

"It's not something I can just hand over. I talked to Ginny and Hermione, and they are going with you for the entire afternoon to a spa. You can pick what you want to do, but I believe I heard something about a prenatal massage, facials, and something called a wrap? I have no idea what it is, but Ginny assures me you like it."

Luna's face took on a look reminiscent of her Hogwarts days, dreamy and sweet. "Oh, Harry. That's lovely. Thank you!"

He cleared his throat and glanced at his husband, still standing back in wariness. "It was Draco's idea, actually. He thought you'd need some time to be pampered. You don't really think I thought of a spa, do you?" He grinned.

Luna turned to Draco, looking ashamed. "That's why you were trying to get me up and to get dressed to go out? So I could go get pampered?"

Draco gave her a haughty look. "I was trying to surprise you, but doing a shite job of it, evidently."

"Thank you. I'm sorry I've been such a boorish bitch these last few weeks. I'm just so miserable and am not used to feeling this way." She walked— Harry knew better than to describe it as a waddle, even in his own inner-thoughts— to Draco and embraced him. "I'm so glad I was able to do this for you both, but you'd better come up with another way if you want anymore because I think I'm done after this one."

"Fair enough," Draco murmured. "I'm sorry I upset you, darling."

"Nonsense. Now, let me go get cleaned up so I can have my girls' day. Ta!"

Luna headed for her room, and Draco gracefully lowered himself onto the sofa. "I'd been arguing with her for twenty minutes about getting ready, then you come in and in one minute change her mood and have her twittering like a bird." He glared at Harry. "I'd be annoyed if I weren't so damned grateful."

Harry laughed and collapsed down next to his husband. "Maybe we should be taking notes, in case the baby has their mother's temperament."

Draco looked horrified, and Harry couldn't help but throw back his head and laugh.

"Don't worry, just a few more weeks now."

March 2014

Draco woke to silence. Draco never woke to silence, unless Harry had already left for work for the day. Harry always made noise, even in his sleep. His breathing was loud, his snoring was louder, and if he were wandering the house, he just made noise, humming, or walking, or even just fiddling with things.

He glanced at the clock. Four twenty-three in the morning. Once, that would have meant that Harry had been called away on an emergency for the Aurors, but he wasn't on active duty anymore. There were no emergencies on the Training Squad. He looked at his nightstand. No note, so Harry must still be home somewhere.

Draco got up and wrapped his dressing gown around him, then slid on his slippers. He checked the bath and closet and noticed that Harry's jacket was missing. Draco felt a shiver run up his spine. He knew Harry wouldn't leave without a note, but with his jacket gone…

Draco changed from his slippers into boots, then walked down the hall, peering into each room as he passed. A quick glance into Luna's room showed her propped oddly in her now customary mountain of pillows, snoring slightly. He smiled and closed the door.

Teddy's room was quiet, books still strewn about on his desk where he'd left them over the hols, and a discarded jumper on the floor in the corner. But no Harry.

The nursery was as they'd left it, baby clothes hung neatly in the closet, cot set up and ready, and the stars on the wall, painted into the mural, twinkling sweetly above. The stag tucked into the trees of the mural lifted his head and looked around at Draco's entry, then settled back to sleep. Draco walked to the window to look out at the night, then he saw movement on the edge of the wooded area on the south side of the property. He opened the window to see betterà and realized it was Harry, huddled on the ground near a ward stone.

Confused, Draco turned and went down the stairs to the front of the house, then casting a warming charm, started for Harry's location, careful to make enough noise to warn his husband of his arrival.

Harry looked up as he got close. "Sorry," Harry began before Draco could even say anything. "I didn't want to wake you. I just couldn't sleep and was thinking of the wards configuration. It occurred to me that we had worked on setting wards against intruders and dangerous artefacts and spells, but we hadn't set any wards against the baby or any of the other children wandering into the woods, or away from the house. I know the baby won't walk for some time, but we have the little Weasleys over regularly, and they could get lost or get hurt and then it'd be all my fault because I hadn't watched closely enough, or set enough precautions, and—"

"Harry, stop!" Draco knelt down next to his husband, then he hesitated a moment to take in the man's bedraggled appearance. He was still in his pyjamas with dirt smeared up his arms and across his face. He had a lightweight jacket on with the arms pushed up, so his arms were bare, matching his feet. Merlin, his feet were bare. It was March in Oxfordshire, and the man was barefoot.

Draco reached out to take his hand, feeling the overly-chilled fingers under his own. He cast a quick warming charm on Harry, who looked up in surprise.

"Uh, thanks. I hadn't even realized I was cold."

"Right. Harry, it's almost five in the morning. Why could this not have waited until morning?"

"I couldn't sleep, and it wouldn't leave me alone. Every time I closed my eyes, I imagined losing one of the children who come here, or our own. Initially, I just wanted to take a look at something, but then— I don't know, I just started working on updating the stones. I've completed three already." He paused, confused. "Nearly five you say? Shite."

"How long have you been out here?"

Draco watched him starting to shiver, despite the adequate warming charm. "Just after two, I think it was. I didn't even realize…"

"With no shoes and only a light jacket."

Harry shrugged. "I didn't plan to be out here long."

Draco stood, pulling Harry up with him. "Harry, come in, please. Let's get you into a hot shower and cleaned up. When's your next appointment with Louisa?"

"Damn it, Draco," Harry attempted to pull away, "I just couldn't sleep. Not everything means I need to talk to the fucking Mind-Healer."

"Fine. Why don't you think about the sense of this situation when you're warm and cleaned up and rested? In the meantime, I'll come out with you in the daylight tomorrow and help you finish this, alright? I agree that it was a good idea and something we should have thought about sooner."

Harry grunted, but finally allowed himself to be led inside and back to their bedroom. Draco turned the shower on hot, the found Harry standing behind him, his eyes unfocused.

"I'm just so tired," Harry mumbled.

"I know you are, love. Come on, I'll get in with you and help, okay?"

Harry grinned. "I know your sort of help. I'm tired, though."

Draco mock-scowled. "I'm not going to take advantage of you, you tit. I'm just going to wash your hair for you since you're practically asleep and I don't want mud on our pillows."

Harry sighed and got in, and Draco followed, wrapping his arms around his husband.

"You scared me a little, disappearing like that without a note," Draco murmured into Harry's shoulder. "I'd rather you wake me when things like this happen."

"If I woke you every time I couldn't sleep, you'd never sleep either, and we'd both be miserable bastards."

Draco chuckled, then reached for the shampoo and began to lather Harry's hair. Harry closed his eyes and leaned his head into Draco's hands, clearly enjoying himself. They remained silent while he rinsed, and Draco lathered a flannel and began to wash and massage Harry's arms and torso.

"Do you have to be to work early, or can you go in late today?" Draco finished helping Harry rinse, then turned off the water.

Harry grunted and began drying himself. "I'm supposed to observe the morning class, but I'll do that tomorrow. I can go in after lunch. No one needs someone falling asleep on the spell training range."

"Certainly not. That's good then. Let's get you to bed. And Harry?"

"Hmmm?" Harry looked up as he fell onto the mattress.

"Talk to Louisa about this. You're already going to be losing sleep with the baby. You don't need to compound that. You were getting so much better about it. What changed?"

"Changes, I guess. New job, new house, new baby. Just—" Harry yawned, "—have to get myself situated again." He cuddled into Draco in the bed. "You help. You always help. Thanks for being here with me." The last was said on a quiet sigh and was followed moments later by the even breathing of slumber.

Draco watched his husband's sleeping form and smiled. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

"Let me see your list."

"Fine, let me see yours."

"Children," Hermione interrupted while Luna just smiled in amusement. "Hand me both lists and I'll start writing them up here." Hermione pointed to what she called her "brainstorming board" on the wall. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Hermione, is this really necessary. We can figure this out. We're two grown men—"

"Who have been indecisive and fighting about this for three months. Now, hand me your lists!"

"Fine." Harry handed his list of baby names to Hermione and sat back down next to Draco.

"Make sure you spell them correctly," Draco muttered, as he passed his over as well.

Hermione glared at the comment, then created two columns, one for boy and one for girl. She continued talking as she wrote, adding names to each side. "Now, when I'm done, you're going to take turns crossing names off the other's list. You have to give a reason, and let the other person respond to that reason before you remove it from consideration. Understand?" They both nodded. "Agreed?"

"Agreed," they both chimed in automatically, as though speaking to a schoolteacher.

"And to clarify, you've already both agreed that naming the child in honour of a deceased loved one is only okay for a middle name?"

"Yes," Draco spoke up. "I really want the child to feel like they have their own identity, that they aren't a copy of someone else that they need to live up to."

"I know what that's like, so it was a good point. I've agreed, and we'll likely make the middle name in honour of one of my parents."

"Perfect. See? You're already partway there!" She grinned. "So Harry, Draco has more names on his, so you can go first."

"Fine. Atholl. That's ridiculous. It sounds like asshole, just said with a lisp."

Draco looked horrified. "Shite. You're right. Okay, I won't even argue that one."

Hermione and Luna both laughed. "Your turn, Draco."

"Phoenix. Seriously, Harry? Phoenix?"

"What? I thought you'd like that one. It's a constellation."

"And a symbol of the war, something of which our child is already going to grow up in the shadow."

"Hmph," Harry reluctantly conceded. "Fine. Then Valentine can go as my next pick. Yuck."

"'Yuck' is your reason?" Draco glared at Harry. "Then I get one as a yuck. Marvin."

"I like Marvin. It's stately."

"It is not stately. It's ridiculous. Yuck." He cocked an eyebrow in a saucy manner at Harry, which unfortunately turned Harry on a little.

Harry shifted, then growled. "Orion. Obsidian. Amaranthine." All gone. I don't want him to have a traditional Black name, so Orion is out. Obsidian sounds pretentious. Amara— I can't even pronounce that one. I don't want to have our baby unable to pronounce their own name until they're ten."

"I liked A-ma-ran-theen," Draco enunciated. "It means immortal, or unfading, and is the Latin name of a flower. I thought you'd like that since it has connections to certain, ah, family lore of yours," he discreetly glanced at Luna and Harry was glad he didn't continue to explain that part, "and also is floral and would honour both your mother and mine."

Harry considered. "I guess that one's not so bad. We could call her Amy, for short." That one was growing on him, actually.

"Shortened names are so crass, but if you must. So that one can stay?" At Harry's nod, Draco continued. "Wonderful. How about removing Ricky." He looked at Harry derisively. "Ricky?"

Harry laughed. "For Godric Gryffindor."

Hermione and Luna burst into laughter, and Harry gave Draco a proud and obnoxious smile.

"Gone," Draco snarled.

"Agreed," Harry added. "That was just there to tease you."

Hermione took that opportunity to interrupt them. "Alright, we've narrowed it down a bit. Harry, are there any names on Draco's list that you do kind of like?"

Harry stared at the list for a few minutes, thinking it through. "I guess I like Caelum okay, and Caliope and Carina." He chuckled. "All C names, oddly enough. And I can keep Amy on there, too."

Hermione smiled indulgently. "Draco, darling, can I erase all but those four from your list?"

He stared, then nodded. "Guess it's my turn from Harry's then, right? So, I guess Holly, Leo, and Lyra."

Harry smiled. "I thought you might like Leo and Lyra, being constellations and all. I'm surprised about Holly, though. I figured it was too simple."

"It is, but I like that it's your wand wood, and it's a flowering plant, so it ties in with the mothers as well. Though it just occurred to me that you snuck Leo in there because it's a damned lion. Strike that one." He looked at Harry with a challenge in his eye. "I didn't sneak a snake in on you."

Harry found that look of challenge to have the same effect on him as dirty talk, and he winked. Draco rolled his eyes, and Harry decided it was time to wrap things up, as he was getting other adventures on his mind.

"So that really only leaves us one boy name on the list, Caelum. I like it. What does it mean?"

Draco smiled serenely. "Heaven. And it's a constellation formed into a chisel of sorts."

Harry nodded and scooted close to Draco. "Caelum Sirius Malfoy-Potter. Caelum James Malfoy-Potter. Which do you like best?"

Draco took his hand. "James, I think."

Harry smiled. "Me, too. So for a girl?"

"Lyra, I think. It's similar to Luna, and would honour her crazy Auntie Luna."

Luna beamed. "Oh, I like Lyra. That's beautiful."

Harry thought about it a bit. "Lyra Amaranthine Malfoy-Potter?"

Draco cocked his head. "It's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it? Lyra Lily Malfoy-Potter?"

Harry shook his head. "Too many Ls. I think Amaranthine is perfect. Let's do that one. It's just a middle name, so she won't use it often."

Hermione laughed. "But you will, so you'd better practice it if you plan on using it for scolding."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Harry looked at the others in shock. "Did we just decide on names? After four months of arguments, did Hermione just walk us through it in less than an hour?"

Hermione preened. "I did, and you did. And you did a great job of it, if I can give my opinion." She walked to Harry and Draco, leaning down to give them both a gigantic hug. "Great job, boys. I love the names. They're perfect. Now, no more arguing about them. The baby is going to be here in less than three weeks, so you'll have plenty to argue about then. For now, snuggle up and get some rest." She pulled back and started packing her handbag. "You're going to need it."