When I open my eyes the sun is trying to hide under the skyscrapers. It's not doing a very good job. It's getting higher just a bit all the time. That means I'm up early. I'm not 'apposed to be up this early unless I have to go to work, and I don't have to today. My body is mean. I cover my eyes with my pillow so I can hide from the sun. I'm hiding and it's seeking and I don't want it to find me 'coz if it does I won't sleep no more. The sun is a bad hider but a good seeker. It found me and woke me up even when I tried really super hard to hide from it.
My room is kinda dark still, but I can see shapes. My desk for doing big boy things in, my shelf with all my books, and Mama, still sleeping next to me. I almost giggle. Mama doesn't know I'm awake. She doesn't even know I'm here. I went to bed big so there's no way Mama can know I'm little now. I move and I feel Bobo snuggling with me. Even when I'm big he sleeps here sometimes 'coz sometimes I like squeezing him to feel better. He never minds. I give him a good morning hug and talk to him on mute about the sun being a bad hider. He laughs, and it doesn't wake Mama. That's good. I don't know if I want Mama awake yet.
There's lots of things big me can do that I'm not s'posed to do when I'm little. Mama maked lots of rules and when she's up I listen but she's not up so maybe they don't count? I think about what I wanna do now. Before I can, I sit up in bed. I need to potty. I get mad at big me for making me get up. It would be easier if he wore diapers to bed so that when I came I could just go potty and go back to sleep without getting out of bed. Big me is so stubborn.
I finish going potty and wash my hands, then I sneaky sneak down the hall with Bobo to see what fun stuff I can do with Mama sleeping. It's scary in the dark, but Bobo's here and he'll keep me safe and chase any monsters away. I go to the kitchen. I'm hungry a little, but I'm not allowed to use the stove. Mama says I could hurt myself. I saw that happen once, and Mama was right. It looked like it hurt. I look at the cupboard. There's cookies in there. I helpeded Mama put them away last week when I was big. I could eat them for breakfast but what I really want right now is milks.
Mama says I was tricksy and maked her body think she needed to make milk for me, so now she does. I like milks more than having a bottle. Mama tastes much better than the milk from the fridge. But I can't have milks right now 'coz Mama's still sleeping. I don't wanna have icky cereal for breakfast 'coz I can have that any day, but I can't use the stove to make breakfast neither. I want something special for breakfast today.
I go look in the fridge. There's lots of stuff there, but nothing looks very good. I frown. If it's not yummy, then why do we have it? I don't know. I close the door. I'm still hungry but not as much now. Mostly I just want some cuddles with Mama and Binky. I wonder if I can get Binky without waking Mama up? I hope so. I go down the hall again, all stumbly 'coz it's still hard to see in the dark, and I find my room. I can see Mama's shape in the dark. She hasn't moved since I was gonned. Good. I don't like it when I don't know where she is.
I sneak back into bed like a ninja, and Mama doesn't even move when I get in. I'm so quick quick I could be a superhero. But I'm not all finished yet. I'm super extra careful when I go on my side and open up the drawer next to me. It barely makes a noise. I feel around for Binky, and when I find him, I pop him in my mouth and close the drawer. I turn and lay back down, and feel a lot better. I don't like the dark in the room, and Binky helps me feel all safe and not scared.
I scoot on the bed like a wiggly worm until I'm pressed against Mama. She feels nice and warm. I can smell her scent now, and it makes me feel safe. Mama smells better than anything, even chocolate. Mama groans a little, and I go extra still so I don't wake her. She goes quiet again, and I relax.
I kind of sleep but not really. My head is all floaty but I can still hear when Mama moves on the bed, so I don't think I'm sleeping for real. My tummy wakes me up from the floaty place, because it wants food. It makes a loud noise and I almost laugh at it before I remember Mama sleeping and tell it to be quiet on mute. It doesn't listen to me and keeps sounding like a monster.
I huff. I really don't wanna wake Mama up yet but I have to to make my tummy stop talking. I sit up, take Binky out, and poke at Mama's shoulder. She moves a little, but doesn't wake up.
"Mama, wake up." I whisper, poking her again.
This time, she opens her eyes. She looks confused. "Light?"
She says my name like a question, and I know why. "Morning, Mama." I say. Her eyes go from confused to smiley, and I like that. She sits up and gives me a hug.
"Good morning, baby. What are you doing up so early, huh?"
"The sun waked me up, Mama. I been up for a really long time and my tummy is hungry." I tell her, hugging her back.
"Why didn't you wake Mama up sooner? You know I would have made you something to eat." Mama sounds sad when she says that, I don't like it at all.
"Mama needs sleep too." I tell her. Her face is proud.
"Well, what would my baby like for breakfast, hmmm?"
"Milks?"
"Milks and what? You can't just have milks for breakfast, sweetie."
"Pancakes?" I ask. Those sound yummy, and I don't get them every day because they're a special treat for when I'm little in the mornings, which isn't a lot. They come all the way from America. That's far. I tried them once when I was big and I never forgotted them because they were so yummy.
"Pancakes it is." Mama says, smiling. I like her smiles, they're better than Bobo's hugs.
"Can we go park after breakfast?" I ask. I like playing in the park but only when there's not other peoples around. They make me scared.
"Whatever you want, sweetie." Mama says, and takes off her nightgown so I can have milks.
I climb into her lap and lay down, wiggling until I'm comfy and not hurty anywhere. Then I have milks, the left one is my favorite. It always has more, that's what I think. Mama's rubbing my back and humming something pretty, and makes me feel happy inside. I feel like Jelly inside like from the sandwich- all wiggly with my happy. I feel so nice I almost fall asleep but by accident. I make myself wake up so I don't miss anything.
When I finish my Milks I feel much better. Milks has magic powers to make me feel good. I think milks makes Mama happy too, but I don't know for sure. I keep meaning to ask, but by the time I do the question goes away in my head and I can't make it come back. Mama gets up to go make breakfast and I follow her like a Duckie because I don't like when I don't know where she is. It makes me scaredy scared scared.
Mama goes and starts cooking, only I'm not 'apposed to be in the kitchen when Mama's making stuff on the stove or oven 'coz I could get hurt, so I have to sit in the living room. I play with Bobo and tell him all about the fun Mama and I are gonna have at the park. I wish he could come, but Mama says it's better if he stays home so he doesn't get dirty. Mama is smart like that.
Mama calls that breakfast is ready and I put Bobo on the couch to watch me and run to the table. My pancakes are all cut up into bits already since Mama doesn't let me touch knives. I eat a bite and they're the best thing I ever had. I eat them all up and Mama eats hers too before she goes to do dishes. Sometimes she lets me help dry them off but not today 'coz there's knives.
I go get Bobo from the couch while she does dishes and tell him about the yummy pancakes. He says he wishes he could have some, and I tell him I'll make him some someday for a treat. When Mama comes back, she's all smiley.
"Are you ready for bath time, sweetie?" She asks.
I nod. I like bath time. It's special, for just me and Mama. Mama leads me to the bathroom and helps me get my clothes off while the water goes out woosh and fills up the tub. Then, Mama turns off the water and helps me inside.
It's a bubbly bath today. I like those best, 'coz I can make things out of the bubbles. Mama starts doing my hair. It's my least favorite part of bath time 'coz I have to be still. I make mountains out of the bubbly bath and pretend I'm a monster and crush them with my monster hands. When Mama's done with my hair, then I get to play for real.
I have bath time duckies. There's a big one and two little ones. I make a big mountain out of the bubbles, the biggerest bubble mountain ever made, and make a little moat around it so the duckies can swim around it. I play that they watch the mountain and make it safe for peoples, and then I come as the monster to try and crush the mountain. But that Mama duck is tricksy. She won't let anything hurt her baby duckies. She flies forward and bites my monster hand with her beak and I pull away and leave the mountain alone, and she gives her Duckie babies lots of kisses and hugs.
"Mommy duck saved her baby duckies, Mama." I tell her as she washes my back.
"Oh really?"
"Uh huh! She bit the monster and it leaved her babies alone and she gave them lots of hugs and kisses to make them feel not scared no more."
"That is one smart Mommy duck." Mama says, smiling.
"Mommy duck has to be smart to keep the babies safe."
"That's what all Mommies do. Well, the good ones, anyways."
I nod. I knowed that already.
Mama washes me all over. She washes puppy and he tries to stand up in the water. Puppy likes when she plays with him, but I don't really want him to play with her today so I squish him back under the water. Mama finishes washing me, and I watch the water go down the drain, holding the duckies in my arms so they're safe and don't get sucked down the drain.
When the water's all gone, I put my duckies back on the side of the tub to keep them safe, and then Mama helps me stand up and get out of the tub and dry off.
Mama picks out my clothes today 'coz I'm going out but I'm still little. She gets me a shirt with one of my favorite cartoons on it, and a pair of jeans 'coz I almost never wear them 'cept when I'm little. Mama asks if I want to wear a diaper today, and even though I do, I say no for right now and put on big boy underwear. I don't want other peoples out in the world knowing I'm little. It's s'posed to be a secret.
When I'm all dressed, Mama gets in the shower. She always leaves the bathroom door open so I know she's there in case I need her. It still makes my tummy flippy but it's okay I guess. I get Bobo and talk to him about the adventures of Mommy duck and her babies. Bobo cheers for Mommy duck, but when I frown, he changes his mind. I laugh a little and tell him it's okay 'coz I wanted her to win too. He gives a big sigh and tells me not to do that to him, and I hug him and say sorry, I was just playing.
Mama is dressed in a long sleeve black shirt with a V for a neck, and some jeans. We match kind of. I like that. It makes me feel better. Now the outside peoples will know I belong to her. Mama gets my socks on, but she lets me do my shoes. Sometimes I can do the laces on my sneakers, but other times I can't because it's too hard. I do them this time, and Mama says she's proud of me. I smile, because it feels good when she says that. She puts her jacket on, and I put mine on. Mama gets her purse and her phone, and we go out the door.
The sun is all the way up in the sky now. I smile at it, and tell it on mute that I'll beat it at hide and seek soon. I hold Mama's hand as we walk. I'm not 'apposed to let go 'till we get to the park so's I don't get lost. Other peoples don't know that's why I do it, they think it's big me holding her hand. Mama and I sometimes giggle at that because they don't know our secret. There's not many peoples out yet today, and I say thank you to the sun on mute for waking me up so early so we could go to the park.
When we get to the park it's empty. Perfect. I look at Mama with big eyes, and she nods. I let go of her hand and start running to the park. Mama starts walking fasterer behind me, I can hear her shoes clicking on the sidewalk. I go to the swings in the sand and hop on. Mama comes, slower because her shoes are tricksy with her when she's on sand. She knowed I would come here first, 'coz I always do. She gets the swing, and pulls it back, then starts pushing me. I go higherer and higherer until I'm pretty sure I could kick holes in the clouds.
I feel like a superhero when I swing, 'coz I'm flying through the air like one. Sometimes I think when I jump from the swing that I won't fall, I'll just float in the air and then fly around like a bird. Mama gets scared whenever I jump off the swing because she says I'm gonna hurt myself, but there's nothing but sand by the swings so I don't think I will. I do a big jump and land on my feet, just like a Kitty. I hear Mama let out a breath. She must've been holding it.
I run onto the climbing equipment, and Mama stays close, watching me as I go down the slide. I'm laughing and smiling and running to go do it again, and I know Mama's happy because she's smiling. I do the slide a zillion more times, and then I do the monkey bars. It's kinda hard, 'coz I'm big, but if I curl up my knees I can do it really good. Mama encourages me and says I'm doing a good job, and even when my hands slip and I fall down in the sand I don't cry because I'm happy and want to try again.
We go when my legs get hurty. I lean into Mama to help me walk, but even though my legs are sleepy and need a rest, I'm not tired at all. I can't wait to tell Bobo about everything! When we get home, my legs stop being hurty and I run to go tell Bobo while Mama yells that I need to take off my shoes.
I tell Bobo all about the park, and he gets all excited for me. He's super extra excited when he hears that I did the monkey bars. He says he always wanted to try that but can't 'coz his paws. I promise that someday I'll take him and help him so he can do it. He says thank you and gives me hugs. Mama puts on the TV for me, and Bobo and I watch cartoons. I suck on my thumb for a while 'coz I like having something in my mouth. Even big me likes gum or chewing on pens. Mama pulls it out and puts in Binky instead. She says my thumb has ewwy germs that could make me sick, but I don't mind too much.
I watch TV till lunch. Mama made sandwiches. I eat my favorite PB & J with some chips, and Mama eats one with lots of veggies in it and some salad, yuck. At least she isn't trying to make me eat it. I think there are cut up trees in it, and I hate the trees.
When lunch is done, Mama decides it's story time. We cuddle up on the couch and she reads me a story from Peach Boy And Other Japanese Children's Stories. That's my new book that Daddy got me, but not really new 'coz I read it. He got it to tell me he loves me, and now I ask Mama to read it all the time. Sometimes if Sissy comes to take care of me when Mama has to leave, she'll read me some too. I like how Mama does the voices better, though. Nobody does voices better than Mama. I always giggle when Mama does the voice of Momotaro before he comes out of the peach. It's the best.
I'm super duper tired from being up so early, but I don't tell Mama that 'coz I don't want to take a nap. Mama is smart though and knows anyways. She has me get in bed and sings me songs till I fall asleep with Bobo and Binky and Blankie.
I don't remember what I was dreaming about before but when I wake up I'm crying, and Mama's there holding me and telling me it's alright, it's just a dream. My heart is beating so fast I think it's gonna pop like a balloon and my breath is coming out all whoopy. Mama holds me and cuddles me for a long time, and I feel better. She gives me a kiss.
"Do you want to talk about your dream?"
I shake my head no. I don't remember it but I know I don't want to.
Mama lets me have milks again to feel better, that's twice in one day. It works mostly, but I don't want to let Mama go for a while. Mama stays with me for a long time, singing me songs and telling me stories and tickling me until I squeal. She says she wants me to feel 100% better, only I'm not sure if I can yet. Maybe 99 but 1% scared still. When she gets up to make dinner I hold onto her shirt and be her little duck for a while. Normally Mama doesn't let me in the kitchen when she's cooking with the stove or oven, but sometimes if I'm really scared she'll let me hide behind her for a bit.
Dinner is Sketti, yippee. That's my favorite 'coz I can get messy with it if I want to and Mama doesn't get mad at me. It gets all over my face and makes Mama laugh. Her laugh is the most beautifulest thing I ever heard. Mama washes my face with a cloth and I try and run away but I can't go no more back in my chair or it will fall over. I face Mama's washcloth of doom and then she goes to take care of dinner.
After that I get to play all I want to until bedtime. Sometimes Mama plays with me, and other times not. Today is not, but she spent all time after nap time trying to make me feel better so it's all fair. She tells me she's going to the bedroom to do grown up stuff, and I say Okay. Whenever she says that it always means something really boring.
Bobo and I both wanna go do art. Only I'm not 'apposed to go in the bedroom when Mama's doing grown up stuff, so I can't get my crayons. I go looking for some of my other art things, 'coz maybe they're somewheres else and I didn't know. I look in the bathroom, 'coz sometimes my reg'lar crayons get mixed up with the special kind Mama sometimes lets me use for bath time, but they aren't there, and I can't use my bath time crayons anywheres else but the bathtub and if I use them then I'll have to turn on the bathtub and Mama would prolly be mad 'coz it costs money.
I see a tube of toothpaste and pick it up. I know it's color. It's blue. It could be paint, right? If I had more colors, maybe. That's when I get a great idea. I go to the fridge and look around. There's a bottle of mustard, and a bottle of ketchup for when we have burgers. That's red and yellow! When I look a little more I see some wasabi, that's green! I have almost all the colors now. I have all my paints out and am gonna go get some paper when I remember that the paper is in with Mama and I'm not 'apposed to bug her. I'll have to find somewhere's else to paint.
There's a big mirror on the wall in the hall. It's not the best for drawing, but it will work. I sit down, and Bobo sits down, and we start painting. I wanna color something pretty, so I start with my yellow to make a sun, and then my green to make a grass, and blue makes a little lake thing in the middle. I have to use the red to draw me, even when I'm not red at all. I draw me and Bobo and Mama by a lake in the grass and sunshine. It's my prettiest picture ever.
I do a big think to try and pick if it needs some more grass or maybe sunshine rays, when I hear Mama coming out of the room. Her grown up work must have been small today, yay!
"Mama, I drawed a picture!" I tell her.
"You did?" Mama says, closing the door. "What did you-"
She stops when she sees my picture. I can tell she's surprised at how pretty it is. "It's you and me and Bobo and we're by a lake and there's grass and it's sunny!" I tell her. I wait for her to say how pretty it is but she doesn't and It's confusing.
Mama's face changes. Uh-Oh. It's the look she wears when I'm in trouble.
"Light, where do we draw pictures?"
I know this, we talked about it lots. "On paper."
"Does the mirror look like paper to you?"
"No… But I couldn't get no paper or crayons 'coz you was in there and I'm not 'apposed to bug you when you do grown up things!" The words comed out too fast and I wonder if Mama could even understand them.
"That's right, and I'm happy you remembered that rule, but that means you need to wait for me to be done before you get them. Because food is not paint. You know where food goes."
"In my tummy." We talk about that lots too.
"That's right." She says. She bends down to where she's looking me in the eyes. "I know you know the rules. You made a very pretty picture, but that's not where we draw pictures or what we use to draw them, is it?"
"Nuh-uh." My head goes down like I'm sad.
Mama puts a finger under my chin and lifts it up gently. "So what happens now? I know you know the answer."
"…Dessert and cuddles?" I say, hoping she'll do that instead.
"No. Light…"
I sigh. "Time out?"
"That's right."
"But I don't like time out! It's no fun at all!" I say.
"I know, baby, but that's why you need it sometimes. You need a place not fun to go for a little bit so you can think about things. Now come on, let's get you in the time out chair. The sooner you go in, the sooner you come out."
The time out chair is the only piece of furn'ture we have for me when I'm little. It's a chair, with a timer on it, and has a rhyme on it. Mama read it to me once and I still remember it.
Planes, trains, trucks, and toys
But not right now for this little boy
Because a little boy who throws a fit
Is a little boy that needs to sit.
Mama brings the chair out of the closet, and puts it in the living room corner. I sit on it, and Mama sets the timer there, but she also does it on the microwave in the kitchen so I can't move the timer forward to sit there less time. If I do, I sit there longerer. I stare at the corner and pout. This is no fair! I got in trouble for drawing a pretty picture because I tried to follow the rules! I didn't do anything bad. I tried to be 'spectful. Mama was just being mean!
I hear Mama behind me opening the fridge and putting things away and turning on the sink and filling something. She turns off the water. I picture it in my head when she's doing it. She's prolly going to make my picture gonned. I want to turn around and shout at her not to do it but I don't 'coz I don't wanna get in more trouble. So I sit and I wait until I feel like I'm gonna scream.
The timer rings, the microwave dings. I hear Mama stop the microwave. She's coming to me, I can hear.
Mama comes beside me. "Do you know why you were in time out?"
"I shouldn't be!" I say, grumpy.
"Oh? Why not?" Mama's voice is patient, not angry.
"'Coz I tried really hard to follow the rules and I maked a pretty picture and you maked it gonned and it's not fair! I was being a good boy!" I'm crying now, my tears are all wet down my face. Mama wipes them away, and I almost hit her hands away but I stop because it does feel nice.
"You're always a good boy." She says. "You might not always make good choices, but you'll always be my good boy." She kisses my tear away. "You did try and follow the rules, and I'm very happy about that like I said earlier, but you didn't wait for me to come out and you drew on the mirror with food. That's why Mommy put you in time out. Do you understand?"
I nod, feeling less angry and more sad now.
"I'm going to ask you again: Why did Mommy put you in time out?"
"…'Coz I coloreded where I wasn't s'posed to."
"And?"
"'Coz I used food to do it."
"And?"
"'Coz I didn't wait for Mama."
"That's right." Mama says, and gives me a kiss. "And what will you do next time Mama is busy?"
"Wait for her?"
Mama smiles. "That's right. Now, what do you say?"
"Sorry, Mama."
"I forgive you. Can I have a hug?"
I give her the biggerest hug I can. She gives me a kiss.
Mama maked my picture gonned from the mirror but she still took a picture of it on her camera so at least it's not totally gonned. Mama and me have cuddles on the couch after she's all done cleaning and I almost fall asleep on her but only nearly.
Mama says it's almost bedtime, but I can watch some TV first. Bobo and I watch cartoons for a really long time until Mama turns off the TV and says it's time for sleepy time.
I follow Mama to the bedroom and she helps me get pick out my jammies. I pickeded out ones with stars and moons on them 'coz they make me think of when I was on the swings at the park and felt like I could fly. I ask Mama if she'd put a diaper on me before bed. She says yes. If I wake up as big me tomorrow then big me can use it and maybe wear them every night so I don't have to worry. If I'm me tomorrow, then I'll use it.
After my diaper is on, Mama helps get me in my jammies and gives me Binky while she gets changed too. I suck on Binky and cuddle Bobo until she comes back and tucks me in. She gets in bed next to me, and tells me a story. Just before I fall asleep, she gives me kisses, and tells me she loves me, and then, I'm asleep for the night.