May 16th 2014

"Here, let me carry that for you," Peter said as Carla came out of the bedroom of their once shared flat, holding three full garment bags and carrying a small carrier of shoes, which she hastily pulled towards herself as he reached for them.

"I don't need your help," she snapped angrily,

"Carla, please, there's no need for this."

"Oh I beg to differ," she chuckled

"I can move out temporarily-"

"Temporarily?" She stated in surprise, "do you honestly think this is just a blip? That after, what? That after I calm down I'm going to forget that you have been lying and cheating on me from day one!"

"Carla, you trying to find another place to live will just be undue stress right now-"

"Undue stress?" she choked, "Oh no! Don't you dare stand there pretending like you give a toss about my well being,"

"Carla, I do! I care about you and our baby-"

"Oh really? Was that before or after you fucked Tina all over this flat?" She quipped venomously, "on our sofa; in our bed?"

"Look," Peter put his hands up as if to placate her, "okay, if you're insisting on leaving, can I please just have a few minutes to explain," he pleaded, "we haven't spoken since the hospital and I just," he sighed, "I just really need the chance to explain. Please, love?"

She took a step back, sighing deeply in frustration, "Say whatever you have to say Peter, and make it quick! I have things to do." Carla said, dropping her purse onto the table and slinging the bags over one of the chairs.

"Oh, do you have plans tonight or -" Peter asked, feeling a pang of jealousy and hurt arise within him,

"I'm taking Si out for a burger. I was going to tell him about the baby tonight."

"Oh," Peter's heart sank, and he lowered himself onto a chair at the table.

Carla felt a flood of guilt wash over her. As much as she hated what he did to her, the baby she was carrying was still his as well. She rubbed her forehead, and closed her eyes, "Look, Peter. I don't want to take away from you telling Si, okay? I'll bring him back here after we have our burgers, and we can tell him together, alright?"

"Together?" He asked, a tinge of hopefulness hanging onto his voice

"Yes," Carla responded, "that way I can assure him that even though we won't be raising this kid together, you and he will still be very much a part of its life," her voice became low and hard, "but I'll tell you something for nothing Peter, you so much as let a drop of alcohol touch your lips and I'll ensure you never see me or this baby ever again. Because I will not allow them to experience what it feels like to be let down by you..."

"I promise," he breathed, "I promise I will never do anything to hurt you again." he watched as she visibly scoffed at him, "Carla, I will do whatever it takes to get your trust back-"

"Oh, words!" she snapped, "they're just words, Peter, alright? And they mean nowt. I'll believe it when I see it." She folded her arms across her chest, "So come on then, let's hear it,"

"Why don't you sit down?"

"No, I'm perfectly fine, standing,"

"Please, Carla,"

She exhaled in frustration, unfolding her arms and sitting on the couch, her body turned to face Peter, as her back leaned against the armrest, "Okay, I'm sitting..."

Peter exhaled. He had prepped this conversation over and over in his head since the drive back from the rehab centre. And yet, now that it was upon him, he found his thoughts completely jumbling. His mouth suddenly went dry as he began to speak, "This thing with Tina-"

"Affair with barmaid cum childminder and half-your-age, Tina" she corrected

"Okay, this affair," he acquiesced, "it was completely unplanned- a mistake. A big, massive, stupid mistake," he said pleadingly, "and it's over. And I regret it," he swallowed the lump in his throat, "and I love you."

Carla stared at him, tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she shook her head, "What am I supposed to say to that?"

"Look, I tried to end it over and over again, but she just wouldn't take no for an answer." he pleaded, "I'm weak, but she did all the running, I swear." Carla just nodded, the tears now pooling in her eyes, "I'm sorry, I can't tell you, I can't even tell you how sorry I am-"

"She said you got together on our wedding night..."

"Look, I think we should just skip over the lurid details-"

"She had no problem with the lurid details when she threw them in my face in front of half of the street, so no, Peter. The lurid details are exactly what is needed right now..."

"Carla-"

"Did you kiss her on our wedding night?" she asked him slowly

"Yes," he choked

"Did you sleep with her?" her voice cracked as she asked the question

"No, that's a promise. From the bottom of my heart, on Simon's life, I did not sleep with Tina on our wedding night. I wouldn't do that to you," he stated honestly but she scoffed at him, "Look, I appreciate that, that sounds a bit, you know"

"Like I should be grateful for small mercies?"

"No, I honestly didn't mean that-"

"What did you think was gonna happen Peter?" she shot at him

"Well that's-that's exactly what she said-" Peter responded, and Carla shook her head in annoyance

"I mean, I suppose I always knew that I would have to sit you down and tell you this at some point-"

"So where did this great 'love affair' take place? Eh? was it in our bed?" she cut him off

"Carla-"

"her bed?"

"-please"

"occasional hotel room? When I was in Paris, obviously," she could feel the hurt and anger she had pushed down for weeks threatening to overwhelm her once more, "Oh, yeah, when you were at your 'meetings'? When I was working and you were 'late-'"

"Yeah, okay, you've got the general idea, alright yeah" Peter sighed in defeat

"And how was she, Peter? Was she better than boring ol' me, eh?"

"No, she's not better."

"...but...?"

"No 'buts'. She wasn't better, she wasn't even close to you."

"So why did you have an affair then, Peter?" She gritted out, her voice rising to a near shout, "Eh? Why did you have an affair?!" she picked up the pillow from beside her and launched it at him

"Because you are too good for me!" he shouted as his arms came up to deflect the wayward pillow, "You did everything for me, and I couldn't hack not being good enough for you, anymore. And Tina, she, she made me feel like she needed me."

"Oh, and I didn't?"

"No, that's not what I meant, I mean with the factory and the bookies and the way that all panned out, and you having to pay my way-"

"What, I hurt your pride?" She was on her feet again, unable to sit still any longer

"No, yeah, well, yes okay yes, maybe there was a bit of that..."

"And meanwhile she was making eyes at you, so-"

"Look, I'm not going to lie to you. That is pretty much the gist of it," Peter sighed, before locking his eyes on his wife's tear stained face, "But you know how much I love you, don't you?"

She furrowed her brows as her arms crossed over her chest again, "You copped off, on our wedding day. So no, Peter I don't know how much you love me, at all. I know I gave you half of my business, I know you are the only man I have ever wanted to have children with, I know how much I loved you," she dropped to a crouch next to his chair, so she was now looking up at him, "But no, I don't know how much you love me, the only conclusion I can- I can come to is that you didn't love me at all."

"I do love you,"

Her body shook as she tried to stifle the sobs that lodged in her throat, "-That I'm just a convenience, that I'm someone to live with,"

"You know that I love you-" he whispered again, his hand reaching down to cup her face

"That- I definitely understood your drinkin', but other that that, I'm just someone to get your dirty laundry off the floor!" she pushed herself back to standing position and away from his grasp

"Carla that's not true, I've always wanted you! I left Leanne because I loved you and I wanted you and I wanted us to be together-"

"Whereas you wouldn't leave me for your little piece on the side, would ya?" she shouted at him, leaning down so she was nearly hovering above him, "Is-is that what you're getting at? Is that the most you can say for our marriage?"

"No, that isn't the most I can say for our marriage!"

"Oh, I must be doing something wrong, Peter, I'm-I'm three times at this, I really finally thought I cracked it." She turned her back on him, biting her nail in frustration, "no, you know what? I don't need you," she whispered, "I don't need you at all," she repeated louder and more firmly, "you can go to hell just like the rest of them"

"You're the most incredible person I've ever met," he pleaded with her, slowly moving to stand behind her

"You're a drunk," she rationalized quietly

"You're an amazing person,"

"you're a bigamist, you're a bad father! WHAT THE HELL DID I EVEN SEE IN YOU?" she spun angrily to face him

"I- I don't know..." he took a step back, his hands raising at his sides as he was unable to answer her

"Well I know one thing, Peter, I have never felt so pregnant!" She spat, the fear and hurt shining through the viciousness of her voice

"What do you want me to say?" he begged her, as she went to grab her bags

"Goodbye" she responded,

"Look, Carla, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for"

"No, you never do," she stopped, pausing in her movements but keeping her back to him, "It doesn't stop it happening, does it? Over and over..."

"I know, I'm weak."

"No, no," she said, spinning to face him again, "no, no no, that is way too easy. See you weren't 'overpowered' by this Peter," her eyes glint hurtfully, and knowing what she was referring to caused his heart to sink, "you chose to drop your trousers. You chose to make those hotel bookings, to tell those lies; see, Peter, you had choices; decisions to make, all the way down the line. So this isn't about weakness, alright? You did exactly what you wanted: and that is exactly what suited you!"

"You think it suited me? it was a mess! Why do you think I went back on the drink? I was in over me head, but I always wanted you! I always wanted you, and the baby."

"Well, you can't have everything, can ya?" She said, "and don't think I don't know that you going back on the drink was down to the fact that Tina also told you she thought she was pregnant the same night I told you I were." Peter looked away in despair, "and don't pretend like you ended it there and that me and this baby meant everything to you, because then you went back to her, the night Simon and I were waiting here for you to go to the cinema, and you fucked her again! After you knew I was pregnant! After you made me want this baby more than anything..." she sobbed and he instinctively went to put his arms around her, and for a brief moment she let him before she pulled away from him

"No," she shook her head, using the back of her hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks, "no, you don't get to be there for me, anymore." she turned to grab her bags, pausing for a moment as a sharp pain flashed across her pelvis. Placing a hand on her lower abdomen and the other onto the back of the chair she took a few steadying breaths.

"Carla?" Peter asked, concern overpowering him as he stepped beside her, his hand placing itself on the small of her back.

Opening her eyes, she shook her head and pushed herself to a standing position, "I'm fine," she told him grabbing the bags and flinging them over her arm

"Carla, please, is it the baby?"

"I said, I'm fine Peter!" She reached down for the carrier bag of shoes, and headed towards the door, "I'll bring Simon by in a couple of hours, and we can tell him then." With that she exited the flat, Peter simply staring at the spot where she stood seconds earlier, as her footfalls made their way down the stairs and out the main exit.

Roy's head popped up as Carla entered the cafe, garment bags slung over her arms. Her head was down but he could make out the faint mascara smudges on her cheeks as she made her way past the customers tables.

He stepped out from around the counter and lowered his voice, "are you alright?"

Carla kept her head down, her lips twisting as she nodded unconvincingly.

"No, you're not," he responded kindly, "I'm assuming that Peter was at the flat when you called?" At her silence, he nodded and stepped ever so slightly closer to her, "Why don't you go on up, and I'll bring up you some tea?"

Carla looked around the cafe briefly, a lopsided smile playing on her face, "could i 'ave a sticky bun, and all?"

"That-that you may," he responded

Carla's gaze met Roy's, tears threatening to spill once more from her glassy eyes, and she nodded, "thank you, Roy."

He opened the door to access his flat, "I'll be up shortly," he encouraged, and she leaned over and kissed his cheek, taking him a bit by surprise, but he instinctively smiled at her, as she headed up the stairs.