I stormed through the front door with Edward trailing along beside me.
"Where is she?" I demanded looking from Willow to Xander.
"I err...well...we don't know" Willow stuttered "I'm so sorry Buffy."
I ignored her and looked to Alice. I didn't want to be harsh to my friends but Dawn meant more. She was my sister and I'd died for her. I needed to know she was ok now. Or at least until I found her and killed her myself.
"You can see things" I said almost accusingly.
I softened my voice and started again "Did you see where she went?"
Alice looked at me apologetically "I can't see her, but I think that might mean she's at La Push with the werewolves I can't see where they are, but she'll be safe with them"
I stared at her wide eyed not believing anything that came out of her mouth.
"Safe with a werewolf?"
"They're shape shifters not the werewolf I'd imagine you'd know" Edward interrupted "Harmless teenage boys to you're sister and in control of themselves, they hunt vampires not people"
"Wait a teenage boy" I groaned "That's just as bad!"
Edward smiled his half smile and I tired to smile back.
The roar of a motorbike outside brought me back down to earth. I threw the door open and gave death glares down to Dawn and her tall dark and mysterious friend.
"Get in the house now" I ordered before looking past her to the boy she was with. "Who the hell are you?"
"I'm Jacob Black" he replied coolly. "You must be Buffy; Dawn's told me so much about you"
"Oh really and how exactly does Dawn know you and your motorbike"
"Buffy" Dawn pleaded obviously feeling teenage embarrassment from me acting like her mother but I really didn't care.
"I said inside" I repeated in a low voice.
She walked in without arguing but I could feel the look she was giving me. I walked up to Jacob who was still standing there like all was well in the Forks. I was starting to like this whatever he was less than I liked Edward. I pushed him back against the bike and he looked surprised that I could move him. Not that it had been easy but I wouldn't let that show.
"Explain yourself" I demanded.
"Well I met Dawn at the store she was with a friend of mine; she seemed like a nice girl so we hung out for the day" he said as quickly as he could.
"Hanging out involves a motorcycle and no phone call home?" I questioned.
Secretly I was enjoying the parental role. I'd hated when my mom had done this to me but I had to do it for Dawn because mom would have. Plus a huge kid over 6 foot getting all nervous was kind of fun.
"S..Sorry" he stuttered.
Feeling slightly calmer now that he was nervous about crossing me I smiled.
"Next time a phone call, no cutting classes and no motorcycle"
He nodded in agreement and I could have sworn I'd heard Edward snickering from inside.
"Go home now Jacob" I said walking back towards the door.
I knew Dawn wouldn't be speaking to me. I was used to it. I would have been the same if I'd been a normal teenager. I hadn't had time for boys, not normal ones anyways.
"You can see him again" I told her "But no cutting school and no whining at me about this"
Dawn being Dawn just huffed and stormed upstairs to her room.
I shrugged and turned to Willow.
"He seems ok, typical Summers picking someone who's not all human"
Willow smiled back "What else would you expect"
Edward just rolled his eyes and muttered something about letting a dog into the house.
Since letting me know about Dawn, Alice and he were really starting to grow on me. Shame I wasn't looking for friends they could have been good ones. But what was the point. Living wasn't all that important to me anymore neither was social interactions beyond Dawn and my existing friends. I stepped outside into the garden for some fresh air. Edward followed me out but I was partly expecting it. He'd been following me all day.
"You could do with some more friends you know" he told me "I can't help but worry about how down you are about life."
"You wouldn't understand" I replied without looking round.
"You thought about when you died for Dawn, did you really die?"
"Sure" I shrugged "twice actually, the first time I was 16"
"Twice?" he questioned
I nodded "First time was for a few minutes, then when I died for Dawn it was longer."
"What happened?"
Before I could stop myself the memories of that night entered my head. Dawn being the key, Glory opening the portal to her hell dimension. Only our blood being able to stop it and jumping for her. Even the last words I said to her.
"You should take your own advice" he said with that same old pained look in his eyes" Be brave and live."
I didn't bother to answer.
"How did you come back from Hell"
"Willow cast a spell after the funeral to bring me back to life." I answered
I shuddered visibly at the thought of myself clawing my way out of my own grave. I felt a cold hand touch my shoulder. It was chilly but comforting I found I couldn't move away from him even though I knew I should. He was getting in and I didn't like it.
"I hate to think of you suffering in that way, I can't imagine what you went through"
"I was happy" I muttered quietly
"What?" he questioned not fully understanding what I said.
"Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time didn't mean anything, nothing had form... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm and I was loved... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about dimensions or theology or any of ...but I think I was in heaven. And now I'm not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out by my friends. And everything here is bright and hard and violent... Everything I feel, everything I touch...this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that...knowing what I've lost ... "
He held me more tightly and as corny as it seemed I felt safe. Not jumping for joy but it was good to be close to someone again. Someone I could tell without making them feel guilty or hurt. A friend who I could unburden myself on even if it was selfish.