This is a modern AU and also kind of experimental, the bold text is more like Elsa's thoughts and not really part of the written story.
Rated T for strong language, mentions of violence, mentions of self harm, heavy themes, and immature idiots being idiots.
The characters included in this work are the sole property of Disney, except for the foster parents, who are more based on characters rather than the actual characters. And by based, I mean loosely based. I think you can guess who they're based on once you read it. I am making no money off of this derivative work of fiction.
We Only Have Each Other
No experience in the field, no portfolio to speak of, not to mention the gratuitous spelling mistakes.
Reject.
There's a so-so portfolio, but no references, a sloppy, immature resume that reads more like a Facebook status message than a business document.
Reject.
A few sentences. That's all. Just a few sentences about how they can use Microsoft Powerpoint and older versions of Paint, kind of. That wasn't even listed on the application as requirements.
Why bother? Reject.
"Jesus," Elsa leaned back in her chair, one palm clapped to her face. She hadn't bothered to braid her bright blonde hair today, simply leaving it down. No makeup, faded black jean shorts and a light blue t-shirt was her idea of getting dressed for the day.
"Can we screen for stupidity? This is such a waste of time."
"Elsa! It's 6 o'clock. You coming down for dinner or what?" came the impatient voice of her younger sister, Anna.
Anna had expressed an interest in making dinner that morning, and for once, Elsa relented, mostly because she was too damned tired to argue. The bouncy redhead always wanted to contribute more, and she'd been begging Elsa to let her get a job, but the elder sister insisted that she focus on her studies. Today was also a day that Anna had off from the animal clinic in which she interned, so she didn't have to come home utterly exhausted.
We're not on poverty row, but without two other incomes-
"Uh, can you give me like, ten more minutes?" the elder sister called through her door. "I'm on a roll here."
"Are you still working?!"
"Hey, it's just going through resumes! Most of them are shit, anyway, so it won't take long."
Elsa started her job as a graphic designer on the lowest segment of the totem pole, as per usual for new applicants. Her drive, determination, and pure skill had her rising through the ranks faster than even she could have predicted. Now, she had underlings, she had resumes to accept or reject.
She even had to option to work from home some days, like today. That was a bonus for the days where it was a struggle just to get out of bed.
"Wow, rude much?"
"Sorry, they're 'not what we are currently looking to hire.'" Elsa mimed a perfect, business-like rejection. "Better?"
"Nah, I don't really care, I'm just fucking with you."
"Language!" Elsa hardly had room to say anything about a foul mouth, but she'd be remiss if she didn't try to correct her. "You'll scare your animal friends with that mouth of yours!"
Since she was young, Anna dreamed of being a veterinarian. It helped that blood didn't really bother her too much, since she knew she'd be knee deep in it. Anna loved any and all animals, much to Elsa's dismay; the younger sister tried to convince Elsa to allow her to adopt a scorpion that she'd seen at a local Petco. No amount of puppy eyes would sway Elsa in that regard.
The elder sister liked animals well enough, as long as they had less than or equal to the amount of limbs as a person. Snakes were okay, just not in her house. She didn't hate dogs, but it wouldn't be her first choice for a pet. Elsa did have a not-so-secret weakness for cats, which Anna planned to exploit at some point in the future.
She's smart, she knows what she wants. I can't wait to be the first to address her as 'Doctor Alden'.
"That's rich, Queen Pottymouth," Anna laughed. "You get ten minutes, then you get your butt down here or so help me God, I will drag you down here."
"Alright, ten minutes, I promise."
"I'm timing you!"
"Jesus Christ," Elsa laughed to herself. "She really is, isn't she?"
Elsa loped down the stairs, trying not to slide in her panda socks that she'd gotten as a gag gift from her sister. As she neared their eat-in kitchen, an enticing aroma caught her attention. She knew Anna was going to be in the kitchen, which could end without incident or very poorly. Hints of garlic, and some other spices that Elsa couldn't quite place, filled the air. Even the kitchen itself felt warm and cozy, like a Thanksgiving meal with the family.
An involuntary frown crossed Elsa's lips.
"Oh my God, you're actually here, and with time to spare!" Anna peeked out from behind the dividing wall that separated the eat-in area from the living room. She must have changed after she got home from school, as she was already in her favorite pajamas; blue plaid pants and a black, long sleeved t shirt with a sloth that said 'Seize the Day...Tomorrow, maybe'.
Inexplicably, Anna had a thing for sloths.
"You were really timing me?" Elsa deadpanned, though a quick glance at the kitchen counter showed Anna's phone, with a counter stopped at one minute and thirty-four seconds. She couldn't help a chuckle. "You little shit."
I love you, don't change.
Anna gave a nonchalant shrug, her twin braids flipping off her shoulders and behind her back.
"Takes one to know one, sis," the younger sister gave a smug grin. "And I learned from the best."
"You're insufferable."
"And you're about to be amazed," Anna poked Elsa on the nose, then tugged on her sister's hand. "Come on, come on!"
Anna could switch from a snarky, sarcastic teenager to a giddy, eager child in a matter of moments. The sisters' parents were very young when they first had Elsa, and still growing into their own adult bodies and minds. It seemed like their little family grew up together.
If only that could have lasted.
"Okay, okay, I'm coming," Elsa laughed at her sister's genuine enthusiasm. She sat down at the table. "Whatever this is, it smells amazing."
From the corner of her eye, Elsa could see Anna bouncing as though she was about to go to Disney World. The elder sister smiled; it was simple things that made Anna happy, and if Anna was happy, Elsa was happy.
Usually.
Anna brought over two plates and placed one in front of Elsa and one in front of her own place, across the table, all thirty inches of it. It was a square folding table, with barely enough room to place elbows, let alone food. The table they had before had split it half due to both age and Anna's cursed clumsiness when she skidded on the kitchen floor and face planted into it. Thirteen stitches and about thirteen hundred dollars later, the sisters were out of a kitchen table that wasn't bisected and covered in bloody streaks.
Poor Anna had cried about that for hours after it happened, even if it irritated the hell out of her stitches. It wasn't the pain; rather, like the selfless creature that she was, Anna babbled on about how sorry she was for making Elsa spend money getting her patched up. Meanwhile, Elsa tried her best to get her sister to just stop crying so her face didn't split back open. She barely managed to get Anna to the hospital without throwing up or passing out first from the sheer volume of blood. About twenty times that night, Elsa told Anna that it was just an accident and the money didn't matter, as long as she was okay.
It could have been so much worse. Thank God she's still here.
Elsa winced at that memory. She couldn't really see the scar anymore, but she knew where it was.
"Wow...Anna, this looks really good," she marveled, true wonder in her voice.
Before her was a fettuccine alfredo dish with egg noodles, shrimp and herring. It was a twist on a classic recipe, substituting chicken with seafood, as neither sister really liked chicken. The white sauce was evenly distributed over both the noodles and the meat.
"You...made this?"
"It's just following a recipe, Elsa," Anna crossed her arms, cocking an eyebrow.
"I—I know, but, this looks professional. I love how you arranged the-"
"Are you gonna wax philosophical about it or are you gonna eat it?"
Elsa sent an icy glare that garnered no response other than Anna's impatient face practically screaming at her to take a goddamned bite already. Finally, the elder sister indulged Anna's expectant curiosity and took a forkful. Almost instantly, the look on Elsa's face could only be described as sheer bliss.
"So...is it good?" Anna's hands were clasped over her chest.
"It's amazing," Elsa replied after she swallowed. "Anna, I had no idea you could cook."
I mean, I've been home all day, I really should have cooked, Anna shouldn't have to-
"Yes!" Anna squealed, bouncing on her heels. She rushed over to hug Elsa's shoulders. "I was so worried you wouldn't like it."
"Why? You made dinner. I really appreciate that," the elder sister beamed a gentle smile, patting Anna's arm. "The fact that it's awesome is a bonus. Seriously, thanks Anna."
Anna giggled, then sat down to begin devouring her own portion. Even as someone resembling an adult, she was a bit of a messy eater. She also had a voracious appetite, though Elsa considered that a blessing in itself. She rarely had to force Anna to eat, and if she did, that was a clear indication something was very wrong.
When Anna said she'd be turning in by eight o'clock at night, Elsa couldn't help but wonder if something was up. While it's true that Anna loved to sleep, for the last few days, she had been sleeping a little too much. It got to the point where Elsa had to wake her up in the mornings, since the younger sister slept through all three of her alarms.
Elsa asked if everything was alright, to which Anna responded with an overly enthusiastic nod and a confident 'yeah, of course.' Seeing no reason to doubt her sister, Elsa let the matter be, kissed her goodnight on the cheek, and went back to her computer for some late night Amazon surfing. She had to change the password about three times this year, since Anna was an incorrigible snoop. It was almost impossible to keep online purchases a secret from the redhead, and it forever grated on Elsa's nerves.
Doesn't she want at least something to be a surprise on Christmas?
While Elsa generally didn't buy clothes online, she found herself browsing through some of Amazon's curated collections, impressed by the quality and the reasonable price tags.
It'll be cold, soon. That snowflake sweater is pretty cute.
The article in question was an aqua blue sweater that appeared to be made with a velvet soft yarn. It featured a large snowflake pattern weaved in that same velvet yarn, only in white. The ends of the sleeves were weaved in white, and the collar stood up, adjustable by three white buttons. When Elsa checked the sizing, it appeared to run small for most buyers.
"Eh, I'll throw it on the wish list," she right-clicked the item to add it to her personal wish list. She could always check her measurements later. There was a general wish list for Anna, and both a birthday and Christmas one for each sister.
Dad had to change the password so many times. Some things never change.
Elsa typed 'sloth' in the search bar to see what kind of things would pop up, looking for surprise Christmas ideas. She found plush toys, towels, throws, and even a tape dispenser in the shape of a sloth. It was amazing how such a dopey animal gained such popularity simply by virtue of it being the epitome of laziness.
"Hmm, this is pretty cute," Elsa moused over to a sloth pillow, in which the animal's eyes were closed and its arms pointed down towards its feet, as though it were laying on its belly. She blew up one of the images, which showed it to be made from a fine velour fabric, perfect for 'cuddling', according to the product description.
The elder sister laughed softly to herself; Mr. Slow was getting on in years, due to part to intense cuddling. Anna had the aptly named plush since she was a baby. The once white parts of the toy's face were now a faded cream color, and only through a combination of slow spin cycles and towel-drying did they manage to fluff up his fur again. Elsa added the pillow to Anna's Christmas wish list.
I guess I can look a little more, I don't work tomorrow.
Quiet in their household was normally a means for relaxation for Elsa. For reasons she couldn't fully explain, there was a tension in the air. It seemed silly; The sisters had dinner like normal, they joked around with their usual insult-banter that they'd used since they could both speak. They hadn't fought about anything major. Anna had gone to bed a little early, but she didn't seem off or weird...er than usual.
So why was the air so heavy?
Something doesn't feel right.
Elsa didn't put much stock in that 'big sister sense,' but it's the only thing that got her away from her computer and padding towards Anna's bedroom. The lights were off, but she didn't hear the obnoxious bulldozer sounds that was Anna's snoring.
Maybe it's nothing, but I wanna check to be sure. After all, today is-
At first, Elsa didn't register what she was seeing. Anna had been bouncy and borderline annoying this entire day. She started the day with more energy than what was socially acceptable for anyone. Elsa was almost thankful when the school bus came to pick Anna up that morning, as it meant she'd have some peace and quiet.
After dinner, Anna pestered the shit out of Elsa to play some Wii sports, to which she soundly kicked her older sister's ass. Not to mention that fact that in between homework and cooking, Anna had been loudly singing to herself as though no one was listening.
Naturally, it came as a complete surprise that the same Anna was currently curled up on her bed, clutching her favorite toy Mr. Slow, sobbing into her pillow.
Oh, Anna...
Elsa clapped her hands to her mouth. She flicked on the light, then rushed over to her little sister.
"Anna, what's wrong?" Elsa turned on her 'mom' voice, the one she used whenever the redhead was upset. She stroked her sister's shoulder in an impossibly soft, tender way that only Elsa could. A quick visual inspection showed no bodily injuries or physical abnormalities.
"Sweetheart, talk to me," she pleaded.
Anna looked up for the briefest of moments, before her head fell back into her damp pillow. When Elsa received no answer, she sat down on Anna's bed beside her, instinctively wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her into a seated position.
"C'mere. I've got you."
No sooner did Anna rise to a seated position when she buried her face into Elsa's shoulder. The full force of her distraught sibling winded Elsa, and she had to brace herself with her other arm so she didn't fall. She felt Anna's fist grab the front of her t-shirt, felt the first few warm droplets hit her skin.
Jesus, she hasn't cried this hard since-
"El—Elsa?"
"Shh, I'm right here," the blonde hushed, running her fingers through Anna's hair, now loose from the usual braids. "You're okay."
I'm here, Anna. I'm with you.
Anna was a sensitive soul, who felt feelings more than she should have to. For all her sarcastic tendencies and occasionally acerbic wit, it didn't take much for her to be moved to tears. Any time the sisters watched "The Lion King", Elsa made sure to have a full box of Kleenex at the ready for the inevitable storm following Mufasa's death.
Elsa's arms were more than just a safe place to cry; they kept all the bad things away. Bad thoughts, bad feelings, bad days. Anna used to believe that her sister's hugs were magic, because after one, she would always feel better. Maybe there was some truth to that.
"Y—you know what to—today is?" Anna tried to speak through her sobbing.
The elder sister sighed, a sad, knowing smile on her face.
"I know."
I've been trying to forget all day.
Elsa had the date and time memorized; September fourteenth, two thousand seventeen, Agnarr and Iduna Alden, the first generation of their family to emigrate from Norway, were pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital at 4:07 AM.
"Mama, what's happening?" fifteen year old Anna asked, perhaps a bit too old to be using 'mama' to refer to her mother but no one could tell her otherwise.
"I—I don't know, baby girl," Iduna swallowed, gathering her and Elsa to her chest. "Your father's checking outside. I told him not to, but you know him. I just called 911, the police should be here soon."
"What the hell is he doing?!" eighteen year old Elsa hissed. "He's gonna get hurt. Mom, we gotta-"
"No. Stay here, girls. I mean it."
Iduna hugged her daughters tight, with Anna melting in her arms and Elsa shaking as though with cold. The girls' mother stood up, peeked outside the closet, then turned back towards the sisters.
"Jeg elsker dere begge, so much, and so does your father," her native language was meant to bring comfort to the sisters, as it had always done before. But Elsa could find no solace in the haunted look in her mother's eyes.
"Mom, don't do this," Elsa shook her head.
"If I don't do something, that freak outside will," Iduna held Elsa's face in her hands. "And I will not let anything happen to you or your sister."
"Mama, no!"
Anna tried to pull on her mother's arm but Elsa held her back. Iduna looked back with a proud smile.
"Be good. I love you."
It was the last smile they would ever see from Mama. Iduna left the safety of the closet and ventured out into the yard despite tearful pleas.
Agnarr had been out on the ground for a few minutes before Iduna even got outside. She managed to sneak up on his assailant, landing a well-placed smack with an aluminum bat to the head. The intruder flailed around, firing a round into Iduna's chest. She staggered, shock keeping her on her feet. One glace towards her husband confirmed that he'd been shot in the head. She cast an anxious glance back at the house.
"Oh, there's more of you?" the gunman taunted. "You can't protect them anymore, sweetheart."
"Yes I can, drittsekk!"
She summoned the impossible strength to have another swing at him. She wound up the bat with an overhead motion, like an executioner's axe. As it came down a second time, a cylindrical hole caved the gunman's skull in. He staggered, then fell onto a cinder block, his neck cracking wetly in the process.
Bleeding out, Iduna dragged herself to her husband's body. She knew it was pointless, but she checked for a pulse anyway. A strangled sob forced its way from her throat when she found no signs of life within Agnarr. She heard the howl of sirens.
Iduna looked back towards the house, smiling despite the blood dribbling from her nose and chest, and the tears sliding down her cheeks.
"At least the girls are okay. I'm coming, my love."
She laid her heavy head onto her husband's chest. Her eyes remained open, but she did not see anymore. When the police arrived, just minutes after the paramedics, it took nearly a half an hour of coaxing to get the sisters out of their safe closet and out to face reality. As much as the sisters begged to see their parents, even if the worst had come, the paramedics would not allow it.
"I am so sorry for your loss, but you don't want to see them this way," one of the paramedics took the sisters aside, then gave them some water to calm them down. "It's better that you remember them as they were. Please, trust me on this."
Anna bawled into her big sister, who could only stare, absently stroking her sister's hair as the tears slid down her own cheeks. The hospital referred the pair to a foster home, who gladly opened their doors to the girls until they had other options. Despite how truly wonderful their foster parents was, those were the worst three years of the sisters' lives.
"I miss them s–so much."
A gentle hand came up to Anna's face, wiping away the hot tears as they fell in rapid succession.
"I know, baby girl. I miss them too," Elsa whispered, using their mother's term of endearment without realizing it. She kissed the top of Anna's head. "Every day."
At first, Elsa resisted the urge to join in the waterworks. She had cried more in the last four years than she had her entire life. Since she started taking anti-depressants, Elsa felt as though her emotions had been numbed a bit, which was a welcome change from being a weepy mess, she supposed.
But to see her baby sister like this, shaking and crying like nothing could ever be alright again tore at Elsa's heartstrings. She felt tears beginning to well up in her own eyes. Her breathing came out in short bursts. She remembered the confusion, the pain, all the awful things she'd said while trying to navigate her own grief years ago.
She remembered waking up in an unfamiliar room, in a place that smelled overly sterile. If their foster mother hadn't found her when she did, Elsa might have died that night.
And Anna would truly be alone.
Oh God. Anna, I'm so sorry.
Even buried in her own sorrow, Anna reached out to Elsa, wrapping her arms around her back, squeezing her into a warm hug. Elsa trembled, her fingers pressed into her eyes as though to stop the flow. Her other hand rested on Anna's shoulder, her arm wrapped around her little sister's neck in a desperate embrace.
I miss them so much. It's been four years, and it still hurts.
There were days when everything became just too much for Elsa, and even the anti-depressants couldn't dull her emotions forever. They're never coming back. It didn't happen often, but when Elsa's distress reached critical mass, Anna would be ready to take Elsa in her arms. It would only take one tearful look to turn off Anna's 'valve' of sarcasm.
It came naturally to Anna to sing as a means of soothing her troubled sister during these trying times. Her warm hands would dry Elsa's tears and weave her fingers through her hair, all the while whispering kind affirmations like the sweet little thing she really was.
It hurts. It hurts so fucking much.
Elsa gave a dry sob, letting her head fall onto Anna's shoulder. The younger sister pressed herself to Elsa's chest, warm hands planted firmly on her back. Elsa opened her eyes, only to find she could not see anything but blurry splotches of color through her tears. How was Anna able to offer solace while she was so far down in her own sorrow?
Because she's wonderful, she's selfless, she's the best sister I could have ever hoped for.
After a while, Elsa can't tell her own sobbing from Anna's.
Anna, I love you so much.
It hurt; it was like using muscles Elsa didn't know she had, then she overexerted them.
Cry your heart out if it helps you, baby girl.
But at least she had Anna.
I'll be right here.
And she held on tight.
And I won't let go.
Brenda was a short, dark-skinned woman with a deep but feminine voice. She wasn't rail-thin, but she wasn't overweight, either; Brenda had been a weightlifter as a young adult, and she still kept it up, but not to an extreme, strict regimen. Brenda was the youngest out of five children, and while her childhood wasn't terrible, it wasn't fulfilling, either. Talbert, better known as Tabby, was comparatively paler with a grizzled voice that betrayed his appearance; spindly and tall. His height used to intimidate some children, until they realized how much of a marshmallow he really was. As a teenager, he was forced to survive out on the streets with little but his wits after a bout with drug addiction left him penniless.
The Rockwells were the parents everyone wished they had. They listened, they understood, but they took no shit. In addition to all of that, they had an endless font of patience and an abundance of love to offer. They were no strangers to heartbreak, having lost three children to a genetic illness that made them decide to foster.
In the face of her own tragedy, Elsa did some things she was not proud of. It all culminated to a quiet evening, when Brenda found the elder sister passed out on the bathroom floor, her arm littered with fresh, bleeding wounds. Terrified for Elsa's life, sanity, and the sanity of her sister, Brenda took her straight to the emergency room, then had her checked into a psychiatric ward. At home, Tabby tried to explain what happened to Anna. They visited as often as they could, always bringing Anna along. In time, however, the younger sibling became fearful and angry, the antithesis of everything Anna was.
Maybe Elsa hadn't intended to kill herself, but she did hurt herself, on purpose. Could she lose Elsa as well?
Eventually, Anna developed an ugly kind of resentment in addition to an intense fear of abandonment. It was only a few days after Elsa came back from the psych ward that the worst fight the sisters ever had took place. Neither foster parent could find an appropriate time to intervene, so they let the sisters dump out their proverbial gasoline before putting out the fire. It took a good half hour or so, but Brenda and Tabby sat the girls down in neutral corners.
They understood that Anna had a right to be angry, and acknowledged that Elsa's actions could have had far worse consequences. Determined to be fair, they explained why Elsa did what she did. She wasn't trying to be selfish, she wasn't trying to shut Anna out.
She was grieving. And so was Anna. Brenda was quick to point out that Elsa's response to her grief was detrimental. She made her see that her actions had not only frightened her sister, but could have ended her own life. Anna didn't need a solid rock or an unshakable mountain in the face of seemingly impossible odds. She needed Elsa, and Elsa needed Anna. The night was a haze of screaming, tears, and shaky reconciliation.
It could only go up from there.
The elder sister was silently thankful that she hadn't bothered with make up today. Her cheeks burned a color near bright red, both from the volume of tears and the aggressive manner in which she was trying to rid herself of them. The skin around her eyes felt raw, and if she had to wipe them one more time, she was certain they would be blood.
As soon as we're done here, I need to wash my face and get some ice.
Elsa pawed at her face with one hand, her skin positively crawling at the sticky sensation. The other hand clutched Anna's shoulder. The younger sibling had worked her way into Elsa's lap while they wept, a gesture carried over from childhood. Anna wiped her nose with her sleeve, then looked over at the wet spot on Elsa's shoulder with a mortified gasp.
"What?" the elder sister sniffled, too strung out to care how much of a mess she must have looked.
"Uh, I got snot on you."
"Oh...uh, okay," Elsa shrugged as she looked down at her shoulder.
Anna pulled her sleeve over her hand, then reached over to wipe the offending substance off. Without thinking, Anna rubbed her sleeve on her bed sheets. Elsa wrinkled her nose at the gesture.
"Sorry."
"Eh, it's your bed. Let me go get some tissues," the elder sister patted Anna's shoulder, who crawled out of her sister's lap.
"Why don't you have any in your room?" Elsa called from the hallway.
"I didn't exactly plan to have a breakdown," Anna gave a wet laugh.
Does anybody plan that?
Soon enough, Elsa walked back into Anna's bedroom with a full box of Kleenex and two plastic bottles of water. After setting down the water bottles on Anna's nightstand, Elsa took out a tissue and dried her little sister's face, gently dabbing beneath her eyes. She pulled out a second one and handed it to Anna.
"You can do the next part yourself," she grinned. "I've been exposed to enough of your bodily fluids for one day."
"Could have done the first part myself too, jerk," a smile worked its way back into Anna's voice. She took the tissue and blew her nose, with Elsa following suit. The blonde made sure to drop her tissue right on Anna's bedspread, much to her disgust.
"Eww, Elsa!"
"It's already got your snot on it, what's the big deal?"
"I have to sleep there!"
"Oh, for shit's sake..."
With an exaggerated sigh, Elsa picked up the used tissues and chucked them in a nearby trash bin. Both sisters reached for their water bottles in an attempt to put some water back into their bodies.
"Ugh, that was bad," Anna capped her water and rubbed her face with a fluttery sigh.
"Are you okay?" Elsa pulled her sister into a hug, rubbing her upper arms.
"Yeah, I'm alright. What about you?"
Elsa breathed carefully before responding.
"I'm okay. I uh...I knew what today was, but I-"
"It's okay," Anna interrupted, her voice tender. "I know you don't like to talk about it."
Anna's emotional maturity wasn't gained overnight, but it's something Elsa was forever thankful for; that it was possible to still offer comfort even if you were in the depths of your own horrible, muddled, messy feelings.
I hate feelings.
"I can't help it, it still hurts," the redhead choked on a small sob.
"Shh, I know, I know," Elsa tucked a stray lock of hair behind Anna's ear, placing a kiss on her forehead. She silently prayed that this wasn't a preface to another breakdown; one was hard enough. "We're still grieving, and that's okay. We've got each other, Anna."
Anna nodded in affirmation, sniffling quietly. She nuzzled her head underneath her sister's chin, her back against Elsa's chest.
She's here, she's safe.
"It's okay to cry, Elsa," Anna held onto her sister's arm with both hands. "I don't like to see you hurting."
"I know," Elsa spoke up after a brief pause. "It's just—you were already upset-"
"Doesn't matter," the redhead cut in. "We went through this together. Don't hold your feelings in like that, okay? It'll just hurt worse later."
The blonde gave a weighty sigh.
"I'll try. You know it's not as easy for me," she reminded her sister without any signs of reproach. "But you're right."
After Elsa began taking Prozac, Anna did her own personal research to see what the side effects and long-term ramifications were. She browsed Reddit, looking for threads that related to anxiety and depression, especially in relation to the loss of a loved one. In doing this research, Anna found that she was able to understand her own grief a little more.
Elsa allowed her chin to rest atop Anna's head. She played with the ends of her little sister's hair.
"You didn't have to do this alone, either," Elsa gave a gentle squeeze to the redhead in her arms. "If you want to talk about anything, all you have to do is say so. Even if I'm not feeling good. You know that, right?"
"Y–yeah, I know," Anna sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. She'd no sooner put her arm back down when Elsa waved a tissue in front of her face, as if to say 'Hey, I got these for a reason, stupid.' Anna took the tissue and blew her nose again. A warm hand stroked her shoulder.
"Thanks. Honestly, it was when I was getting ready for bed that it hit me. I was fine for most the day, as long as I wasn't thinking about it."
If truer words were said, Elsa would be damned. Part of her was thankful that Anna had been out most of the day, as Elsa came so close to crying every time she merely looked at the calendar. She knew if Anna returned home and saw her big sister's eyes and face red, she'd just be upset as well.
At least we got it out together. I still don't believe in that 'having a good cry' bullshit, though.
"Yeah, same," Elsa replied. "I almost lost it every time I looked at the damn calendar."
"Today was...really hard," Anna curled up into a little ball. "Elsa, I don't think I can go to school tomorrow."
"Sweetheart, I'm amazed you made it through today," the elder sister brushed two fingers across Anna's cheek. "Why do you think Iworked from home today? Don't worry, I'll text Kristoff to get you the homework."
"Thanks, Elsa."
Elsa smiled; Kristoff was a strange boy who lived on a horse farm with his enormous adopted family. He commuted to and from school in an old pickup, which made him the subject of ridicule among the snobbier students. Anna, however, thought the boy was fascinating, and it didn't hurt that he had roots in Norway as well.
Kristoff spoke to the horses, which was normal enough, but he also spoke for the horses, which Elsa never quite understood. He was a little prickly at first, but once Anna wore his guard down, he proved to be a sensitive, considerate young man. He was also the only other person that knew the story of the sisters' parents, and the awful, gruesome way they died. Elsa briefly looked down at her arm, the one decorated with faded, raised lines.
Thank God Brenda found me when she did.
She had no sooner redirected her gaze when Elsa felt Anna's fingers trace the scars. It was scary how she seemed to know that was on her mind. Elsa jumped a bit.
"S–sorry!" the younger sister pulled back, head tilted away from Elsa's arm.
"No, it's okay," Elsa took hold of one of Anna's hands. "Just startled me, that's all. You can look, I don't mind."
After that brief blunder, Anna resumed her inspection of the old, closed wounds. Elsa couldn't read the expression on her face. Those scars would forever be marks of shame in Elsa's mind.
I'll never forget the look on Anna's face when she saw me in the psych ward. I hope I'll never see that look again.
"Do they...do they still hurt?" Anna asked in an unusually timid tone.
A dull ache pulsed in Elsa's chest, as though her heart had literally been touched.
What did I do to deserve such a wonderful sister?
"No, they don't hurt," a tender smile lit up Elsa's flushed face. "Just do us both a favor and don't ever do this to yourself."
Anna's face fell. Elsa could see the sheen of tears reappearing in her eyes.
"Hey, what's the matter?"
"Did I do something to make you do this?" Anna's voice came out small and weak.
Anna, why would you think that?
"No! Of course not!" her idea of damage control came out a bit louder than she intended, as Anna flinched. Elsa lifted her sister's chin with one hand. "Anna, look at me. You didn't do this. I did. And it was the stupidest mistake of my life."
Anna glanced at Elsa's scars, then back up to her face. The elder sister's heart began to pound as Anna's lip quivered.
"Hey..."
"I was so scared that night," the younger sister shut her eyes, her jaw clenched. "I thought I...I was gonna lose you."
"Shh, I'm not going anywhere," Elsa hushed, perturbed by the threat of tears in her little sister's voice. She ran her thumb along Anna's cheek. "I'm right here, baby girl."
"Heh...Mama used to call me that," Anna gave a wet little hiccup that was supposed to be a laugh, rubbing at her eyes.
"Should I stop?"
"No! No, I like it. It's like, she's still kind of here when you say that."
Damn it Anna, why do you have to be so cute?
A soft 'aww' was all Elsa could manage at that moment. She pulled Anna into her arms, resting her cheek on the top of her little sister's head. It took all she had to not let the prickling sensation in her eyes escape for the second time that night.
I'm so sick of crying.
"Thanks, Elsa. I'm glad you're here," Anna patted her sister's back.
"I'm gonna be here for a long time to bug the shit out of you."
A timid giggle told Elsa she'd said exactly what she needed to.
"You promise?"
Elsa pulled away, then pressed her forehead into Anna's.
"I promise. Hey, you wanna go watch TV for awhile?"
"As long as I don't have to think, yeah," Anna replied.
I know what you mean.
"Alright, gimme a few minutes, just gotta wash my face and get some ice," Elsa stood up from the bed, then helped Anna up. "My face hurts."
Anna winced as she touched the super-hot skin of her sister's cheeks. Elsa flinched with a soft 'oww'.
"Sorry!" the redhead gasped. "Hey, go wash up, I'll put some ice in a bag for you."
The sisters ended up going through their various TV channels, looking for a distraction. Eventually, they happened upon the Food Network, which was playing an episode of "Chopped". Both Anna and Elsa loved this show, especially when the people had to use bizarre ingredients, but still managed to make something that didn't resemble hot garbage. Like many who watched the show, however, they got the most thrill out of seeing the smug, arrogant contestants get put in their place.
At least, Anna did at the moment. Elsa was reclining, a Ziplock bag filled with ice sitting on top of her red face. On any other occasion, it would have looked hilarious.
"Hah! That's karma!" Anna shouted at the television when one of the smarmier contestants had ended up 'chopped'. "Maybe if you didn't have your head shoved so far up your ass you'd have won!"
"Who was it? That guy with the beard? I forgot his name."
"Yeah," Anna confirmed, snuggling into her sister's arms. "God, some of these people are such assholes."
"No kidding," Elsa removed the bag of ice, watching her sister with an amused grin. "I mean, you can be confident, nothing wrong with that, but that prick needed a kick in the ass."
Anna turned her attention back to the screen, taking a smug sort of satisfaction from the contestant's rejection.
"Hey, I just realized, you should make that alfredo dish for Brenda and Tabby sometime," Elsa mentioned. "I bet they'd love it."
"Elsa, Brenda's cooking kicks mine way out of the water," Anna pouted. "Man, I miss her homemade mac and cheese."
"Okay, first of all, same. And second, come on. She's had a lot longer to learn. And let me tell you something, dinner was fantastic tonight," Elsa argued. "If you wanna cook more often, have at it. Just don't burn down the kitchen, okay?"
"That was one time, Elsa!"
"I didn't think that a stove could make flames that high," the elder sister recalled with an exaggerated shudder.
"Ugh," Anna's face fell into her palm.
Feeling a little guilty for working her sister up, even jokingly so, Elsa muttered a soft 'hey' and bumped Anna's forehead with hers.
"I'm just teasing."
"You're an ass."
Elsa snorted.
Tell me something I don't know.
"Well, congratulations, you're the sister of an ass."
Anna giggled, placing a quick kiss to Elsa's cheek.
"I love you, even if you are an ass."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever...surprise tickles!"
Anna burst out in a fit of child-like laughter when Elsa began tickling her sides. She'd never get too old for 'surprise tickles'. Even in the worst of moods, it was guaranteed to at least get a few giggles from the redhead. Anna writhed on the couch, laughing and swatting at Elsa.
"You cannot escape," Elsa attempted a menacing voice, broken by her own laughter.
"Ahh, no, no, no, wait, I gotta pee!" Anna exclaimed, wriggling her way from her sister's grasp and running at full speed towards the bathroom.
Elsa Alden-9:06 PM: Hey, Kristoff, it's Elsa.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:07 PM: No kidding, Elsa Alden. You know your name shows up on the text, right?
Elsa Alden-9:08 PM: stfu :P Listen, I need to ask you a favor.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:08 PM: Insult me then extort me, huh? What's up?
Elsa Alden-9:09 PM: Anna won't be in tomorrow, could you pick up her homework for her?
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:09 PM: Yeah, I can do that. You guys okay?
Elsa Alden-9:10 PM: We're getting there, thanks. She's tough, she'll be okay.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:15 PM: Hey, make sure to look after yourself too, okay?
Elsa Alden-9:15 PM: I will, thanks. Why did that text take five minutes? :P
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:16 PM: Sven started freaking out and I was afraid a coyote got in like the last time.
Elsa Alden-9:16 PM: LMAO that would only happen to you. Everything's okay though, right?
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:17 PM: Yeah, all's good here. Those assholes are getting brazen.
Elsa Alden-9:18 PM: omg that did not need a whole minute to type.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:18 PM: Deal with it. I'd include a sunglasses emoji, but I don't have them.
Elsa Alden-9:19 PM: Emojis are stupid. Listen, thanks in advance for getting Anna's homework. There's no way she can go in tomorrow.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:19 PM: No worries. You want me to stop by tonight? It's okay if you don't.
Elsa Alden-9:20 PM: That's really sweet to offer, but no thank you. You're a good kid, Kristoff.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:20 PM: You're 3 years older than me, not 30.
Elsa Alden-9:20 PM: Ugh, I take it back. BTW, Anna said to say hello.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:21 PM: HI ANNA
Elsa Alden-9:21 PM: Okay, dork o_o
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:22 PM: m/m
Elsa Alden-9:22 PM: What the fuck is m/m?
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:23 PM: It was supposed to be the middle finger.
Elsa Alden-9:23 PM: lol looks like a tiny penis
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:24 PM: ====3
Elsa Alden-9:24 PM: My dick is bigger than yours ====================3
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:24 PM: Wow, okay. A true gentleman doesn't have to say it.
Elsa Alden-9:24 PM: LMFAO omg I'm saving this convo for a bad day.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:24 PM: XD
Elsa Alden-9:25 PM: Seriously, I needed this. Thanks, Kristoff.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:26 PM: Sending hugs your way. Just don't trip over my tiny penis.
Elsa Alden-9:26 PM: omg
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:26 PM: I warned you.
Elsa Alden-9:27 PM: No, Anna just walked in and I'm crying from laughing so much.
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:27 PM: Are you texting me and talking to Anna at the same time?
Elsa Alden-9:27 PM: lkoi54uhweuihg
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:28 PM: image, picardfacepalm, Why am I friends with you again?
Elsa Alden-9:28 PM: KRISTOFF WJHAT DID YOIU SAY TO ELSA SHE'S HADDW A BAD ENOUGH NIGHT
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:29 PM: Okay, you know what? This is officially out of my hands.
Elsa Alden-9:29 PM: Fuck you. And thanks again. Ttyl
Kristoff Bjorgman-9:30 PM: Uh, you're welcome, I think?
Minor misunderstandings via text message aside, the rest of the night went without incident. Anna had insisted that she would be completely fine to sleep by herself in her own room, and usually, Elsa wouldn't have questioned it. But her nagging 'sister sense' dictated she at least go and check up on the girl.
So she did. When Elsa walked into Anna's bedroom the third time that night, she was relieved to see the redhead snoozing peacefully, her precious sloth plush tucked safely in her arms. Already, Anna was drooling on her pillow, and she had barely been asleep for an hour. It generally took much longer for Anna to fall asleep at night, but given the day's events, Elsa was not surprised to see her conked out. She took a tissue from Anna's nightstand and wiped her mouth.
"Good night, you little drool monster," she chuckled with a soft kiss to her little sister's forehead. "I love you."
I love you so much.
Tomorrow, they were going to do something fun. It didn't matter what, as long as they were doing it together. Elsa could only wonder what she'd be roped into doing if she gave Anna the green light to pick their activity. It was a small price to pay to see her little sister smile.
Sometimes, that was all it took to get Elsa through the day.
fin
Closing notes: "Jeg elsker dere begge" is "I love you both" in Norwegian, and "drittsekk" means "bastard". Supposedly. If you are Norwegian/know Norwegian and have a better way to phrase either of these, feel free to tell me! I was looking for terms of endearment for the first, but I decided to use a declaration of familial love instead.
Also, I don't really know if an aluminum bat can cave a person's head in, but I'm going for the 'desperate mother who gains Herculean strength to save her children' trope. Sue me. Actually don't, I can't afford it.
Elsa and Kristoff's text convo was a lot of fun. Also, their banter isn't supposed to be flirtatious or 'sexting', it's more like 'intentionally immature bros being bros'. For the record, everyone is at least 18 or over.
If you don't get the sloth reference/ think I made it up, look up 'Kristen Bell Sloth Meltdown'on YouTube. It'll make sense.
There's probably a ton of inconsistencies/ things that probably wouldn't work in real life, but I tried. Also, FF doesn't like my penis emoticon, apparently, so...sorry it looks weird.
In closing, if you or a loved one struggles with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, orself-harm, there is always help, there is always another way. As someone with experience in mental illness, I can honestly say that it will get better. It may not get better right away, but it will.