AN: THRAWN COMES OUT TODAY!
Give me a day or two to read it before I get back to From Flames, I Rise. He's sort of important in the story, and I wanna make sure I get him right. Also, typing is awkward and ouch because broken wrist is broken. Also, spring break means twelve hour workdays for me, so...yeah, don't expect a chapter until Thursday or Friday. That's all! I really like this chapter and I have a great idea for the next one! Enjoy, lovelies! Let me know what you think and what you want to see!
Chapter 4: Outpost
"Will you continue instructing me in Mando'a?"
Satine stared at hateful, hateful Obi-Wan, her lips slightly parted, and the question she was going to ask him dying in her throat. She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him, the warmth of the morning light through the thick foliage of the trees speckling his face with sunlight, and it made her even angrier, though she didn't know why. A few days of living in very close quarters in the cave had given Satine a chance to study her stoic young protector while he recovered from his injuries.
Forced to work with and teach each other instead of being allowed to leave each other alone, Satine had come to understand that the boy, contrary to her previous belief, wasn't emotionless at all. Though his face remained cold and expressionless, a closer look revealed it to be little more than a mask through which the faintest flicker of his closely guarded emotions could be viewed. She was still learning to interpret exactly what the slight twitch of the eye, the nearly imperceptible curl of his lips and the slightest furrow of his brow meant, but soon enough, she would be able to read him as well as she could read anyone else. It was a gift of hers, and this arrogant Jedi would not be able to escape her keen eye.
Now, the slight twitch at the corner of his lips suggested panic, the relaxed brow, relief, and the gleam in his eye was positively triumphant, and Satine had never hated the boy more than she did in that moment. Every time, every single time she went to ask him about the Jedi, the quiet boy, so usually resolved to silence, spoke first, prompting his own language lessons, and Qui-Gon had made it clear that were they to ask for instruction, they were not to be denied. And thus far, the only one asking was Obi-Wan because he wouldn't let her ask. She was certain it was done on purpose. The arrogant, haughty Jedi doing everything in his power to keep the secrets of the Jedi contained within the Jedi, keeping her ignorant and therefore the lesser member of the partnership. Knowledge was power, after all, and Obi-Wan was going out of his way to deny her.
It's not like he always asked for her to teach him, and truth be told, she enjoyed teaching him. Obi-Wan was proving to be a thoughtful and intelligent pupil, even if his silence was frustrating. He claimed to learn just by listening, and it was nice to just be allowed to talk without interruption. Her entire life, she had been undermined because of her views regarding the future of Mandalore, culminating in the current war for dominance she found herself in now, but having the ear of the silent Jedi allowed her to vent her frustrations. He only occasionally interrupted her to ask about the meaning of a word, or to quietly ask for details about what she had been speaking about, though sometimes, his questions made it clear he didn't quite understand what she was talking about. That was fine by her. She was making it difficult on purpose.
She had no way to gauge if she even was teaching him anything, since the boy rarely spoke to her, and when he did, it was usually in Basic. But when he did speak Mando'a, his accent colored his every word, making his pronunciation of the words off just enough to be noticeable. It was far better than it had been when she first heard him speak, and it was, in a way...pleasant. It was something about his inflection, something about his soft, Coruscanti accent that smoothed the harsh edges of Mando'a and made it sound gentle, soothing, almost like music, and she was glad that Obi-Wan rarely spoke. It made her chest feel...tight with what she assumed must be anger, though she wasn't certain why. It was true that the Jedi simply brought out the worst in her.
But that wasn't the problem. The problem was, every single time she got up the nerve to ask him about the Jedi Order he belonged to, so she could reciprocate learning about him the way he was learning about her, the damnable teen jumped to speak up and make himself heard, and she found herself roped into teaching again while he skillfully avoided his responsibilities. It was as if Obi-Wan could somehow sense her intentions. Perhaps this was a skill the Jedi possessed, something she'd have known if Obi-Wan ever taught her anything.
"Why are you doing this?" Satine snapped, her anger only growing when the faintest of smiles touched the Jedi's lips, At least someone was enjoying themself.
"This?" he asked innocently, holding up a hard shelled fruit he was cracking into with a knife he had made out of stone. The inside was soft and edible, and it had been what they survived on for the past two days. The lightsaber made the soft flesh of the fruit blackened and completely inedible, so more conventional means were needed to provide food for themselves. It was a tedious process, and they were still hungry, but they weren't starving. Not yet, in any case.
"This!" she said, poking her finger against Obi-Wan's chest. "You keep asking me to teach you Mando'a when-"
"I'm just following my Master's orders," Obi-Wan said, raising his hands in a placating gesture that had the opposite effect on the fiery Mandalorian.
"Is that all you can do?!" she snapped, her fierce eyes examining the boy as he sat cross-legged on a stone at the side of a hidden entrance to their cave network. The waterfall wasn't the only way in and out of the safe haven they had found, but while more ways inside made it more convenient for them, it also made them easier to find. They would have to move soon. The planet was crawling with Death Watch looking for them, and while their current position kept them concealed form view from the air, they were far from safe. Still, they could see most any threat coming, but they needed to leave. They couldn't stay here forever.
"Should I be doing anything else?" Obi-Wan asked, returning to preparing the fruit. "I need to know Mando'a for the mission, and the mission is all that matters."
"Which makes me your mission!" she said, leaning in toward the suddenly uncomfortable boy, the faintest hint of color rising to his cheeks, and she loved it. An uncomfortable Obi-Wan was quickly becoming her favorite flavor of all the dull, muted expressions the boy exhibited. "I am your mission..." she drawled, leaning in closer to him, and he planted his hands on the rock behind him to keep himself from falling off when he leaned back. "Would you like to hear it in Mando'a? Ni cuy' gar aka." She smirked when the Jedi began attempting to squirm away from her. If he was going to get his way all the time, she was going to make sure he suffered for it. "What I want, Obi-Wan, is-"
"I have a plan!" Satine winced when Qui-Gon came out of the thick trees of the nearby swamp, and Obi-Wan breathed a sigh of relief, smiling gratefully as he slid off the rock to meet his Master. Satine frowned. Obi-Wan still walked with a bit of a limp. His injuries hadn't fully healed, and while Qui-Gon did...something with him every day, they didn't have access to medical supplies. She took a mental note of that. Just another one of the many things they needed.
"Are we finally leaving?" Satine asked, smiling softly at the Jedi Master as he approached. "I need to get back to my people, the longer we are out here, the more ground Death Watch will gain."
"We are working toward leaving soon, yes," Qui-Gon said, looking between the Duchess and his student. "What were you two up to?"
"The Duchess has been continuing my studies in Mando'a," Obi-Wan said softly, looking at her with an expression that immediately made her bristle, though she couldn't say why. She couldn't even place what the expression was. But the Master seemed happy, his face lighting up with a pleasant, easy smile.
"That's perfect! My plan requires you having a basic understanding of the language." Obi-Wan inclined his head, his hand reaching up to fiddle with his braid.
"I shall endeavor not to disappoint you, Master."
"How is he progressing, Duchess?" Qui-Gon asked her, that pleasant smile on his face, and Satine felt her anger draining from her. With the Master Jedi near, it was easy to forget her personality conflict with Obi-Wan. The Jedi were here to help, and Obi-Wan had been seriously injured on her behalf. She knew he just saw it as something done in the line of duty, but if it had been anyone else...
He was deserving of respect, at the very least.
"I'd tell you how he's doing if I knew how he was doing," she sighed, suddenly frustrated again with Kenobi's silence. "It seems he is silent in many languages, not just Basic." Qui-Gon frowned and looked at the younger Jedi at his side, the teen's eyes downcast, his expression blank. "It seems like he has a feel for the language, though, but his accent makes him..." She grit her teeth, searched for the right word, and couldn't find it. "When he does speak, it's simplistic. If you need him to speak Mando'a for your plan to work, we'd be better off thinking of another plan. It's barely been a week, he can't learn a language that quickly!"
"Well?" Qui-Gon asked his student, and the boy took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving the ground.
"Mando'a cuyir o'r birov ara guuror Ika'dyc. Ni Kelir hibirar meg gar linibar ni at." Satine's jaw dropped, and she stared wide eyed at the boy. The sentence structure wasn't perfect, the chosen words simplistic, the accent on the wrong syllable in some places, but it was...passable. Understandable, even, and though he sounded exactly like the foreigner he was, Obi-Wan was easy to understand. When had he learned that?! Surely it wasn't just from listening to her prattle on. She...may have underestimated him.
"Ah," Qui-Gon said, his easy smile returning. He didn't seem surprised. "Was that acceptable. Duchess?" She could do nothing but absently nod. "It seems, then, that our plan is still on. Come, we need to discuss it," he said as he walked inside the cave, his student close by his side, and Satine followed in stunned silence, her eyes fixed on Obi-Wan's back. That little brat was holding out on her...
"Alright," Qui-Gon said as he picked up a rock and began drawing on the stone wall, adding to the etchings already there. In the days since their crash, Qui-Gon had been steadily taking note of everything he had seen on his scouting trips, and he had managed to make a comprehensive map of not just their surrounding area, but of the main Death Watch compound and several smaller outposts they had set up around the dense swamp in which they hid. It had been a monumental effort, one that saw the Jedi Master gone for most of the day, only to leave again under the cover of night. It had left Satine alone in the careful, although somewhat crippled care of Obi-Wan, a thing she would have resented if the young Jedi hadn't been shot for her.
She found herself getting angry as she looked at the passionless boy. Things could have been so different if he didn't have the passion of a particularly handsome rock.
"We need a ship to get off planet, and so far as I can tell, every ship in the area is owned by the Death Watch, and they're all kept here," Qui-Gon said, pointing to a large rectangle within the drawing of the Death Watch compound, "in their main hub." He stroked his chin for a moment. "Satine, do you have any idea who your allies are right now? When we leave here, we need a place to go." The Duchess shook her head.
"This war has torn families apart. I can't say for certain if an entire clan stands for me. I...have family on Kalevala, and I can't even be sure that they can be considered allies." She sighed heavily and looked at the ground, biting the inside of her lip as she calmed herself and pushed back tears. "If anyone even stands for me at all," she whispered. "Fleeing from Mandalore would be seen as an act of cowardice. No true Mandalorian would stand behind a child who ran..."
"...Duchess." Satine looked over to Obi-Wan, the boy standing silently beside his Master, the blue of his eyes vibrant even in the shadows of the cave. "I don't believe your people would abandon you. Loyalty is important to Mandalorians. That is why this war is being fought." Satine held her breath as she looked at the other teen, and something about his calm, his dispassion, his...everything that she had come to hate about him spoke to her, eased her fears, and filled her with a sense of ease she hadn't felt in a long time. Of course Mandalore would abandon her, especially now that she had been gone for so long and possibly presumed dead. But still, everything within her wanted to believe him.
"It may not be so simple as that, my Padawan," Qui-Gon said as he wrote upon the wall. "But you may be on to something. Given something to fight for, the Mandalorians become fierce." He took a breath and looked over all the notes and drawings he had upon the wall. "This adds an additional objective to our plans."
"You have figured out how to leave?" Satine asked, and the Jedi slowly nodded.
"I have, yes. It's a plan that will take some time to execute, but I believe it can be done if we remain vigilant. Obi-Wan."
"Master."
"Have you recovered enough to fight again?" The teen lowered his eyes, the tension in his shoulders plain for even Satine to see. "...Obi-Wan. Killing is not something you will ever get used to. It isn't something you should get used to. Each time will hurt you, but there are times that we must, and this is one of those times." Satine watched Obi-Wan closely, though the boy's face showed no hint of emotion. Was that what was bothering him? Him?! Cold, passionless Jedi, warriors without peer, grand guardians of peace in the galaxy, and the lives he had taken had bothered him? She frowned. Perhaps she was not the judge of character she believed herself to be if she couldn't see this struggle in him. It was the same struggle that rested in her own heart.
"I'm ready, Master," Obi-Wan said softly. His Master nodded, a soft smile on his lips as he laid a hand on the boy's shoulder, and Satine was certain that she saw young Kenobi wince and grit his teeth in pain.
"Our ultimate goal is to escape this planet," Qui-Gon said firmly. "To do so, we need a ship, and since the only ships are in Death Watch's possession, we're going to steal one."
"Um, what?!" Satine asked, completely astounded. "Qui-Gon, that's madness! You said they keep all their ships at their compound!" The Jedi nodded.
"That's correct."
"So how do you propose to do this!" Satine laughed nervously when the resolve on the Jedi's face wavered not at all. "Do you have any idea how many soldiers are stationed there?!"
"Upwards of ten thousand, at the moment," Qui-Gon said. "But we're going to change that today." He circled a spot on the wall. "This is our current location, and this," he said, drawing a curving line from their cave in a wide arch to the other side of the Death Watch complex, "is the location of our new hideout. From this day on, we will be moving between hiding places daily."
"But why!" Satine asked, her heart racing as fear began to settle uncomfortably within her again. "We've been safe here for days!"
"Yes, and it has resulted in the Death Watch fortifying their strength here," Qui-Gon said quickly. "You are right, Duchess. Ten thousand troops is far too much for us to deal with. So we're going to kick the nest and watch them swarm. If they are after a threat, they will leave their base with minimal defenses. You are the highest priority, after all." He took a deep breath and looked at his map. "With the fortress mobilized to search for you, we can send one of us inside to infiltrate the base and steal a ship while the others serve as a distraction. It's not much, but it's the best we've got."
"Master," Obi-Wan said softly. "This puts the Duchess at risk. I cannot defend her against so many."
"You won't be, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said slowly, carefully looking at his student to gauge his response. "I will be defending Satine. You will be infiltrating the base, stealing the ship, and flying us away."
"...what?!" For the first time since she met him, Obi-Wan did nothing to hide, the expressionless mask torn away and replaced with insecurity and fear. "Master, no, I can't, you know I can't!"
"You can, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, soft and calm. "You will. You must."
"I-I'm not a pilot! Qui-Gon, it's my mistakes that landed us here in the first place. I-I can't fly, I can't!" He swallowed hard and turned wide, pleading eyes on his Master. "You do it. You infiltrate the compound and steal the ship, I'll...I-I'll find a way to keep the Duchess safe!"
"On your worst day, I'm not half the pilot you are, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, his measured calm never wavering, and Satine slowly began to understand why the Jedi distanced themselves from emotions when normal people would fall prey to them. Cooler heads would prevail, and his calm would assert itself and allow them to see this dangerous situation clearly. She tucked that away within her. It was a lesson that would benefit her in the future. If her people were to have peace, they needed a leader that could calm them, not rile them. Perhaps there was something she could learn from the Jedi.
"Master, as a pilot, I am nothing! I was..." He grit his teeth and closed his eyes. "I was arrogant and overconfident, foolishly so, and it almost got us all killed." His hand balled into a fist at his side. "This is my fault...my fault..."
"Do you trust in the Force, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked, his voice softer than before, sadder, and without looking at him, Obi-Wan nodded. "Then that is enough. If you doubt your obvious talents, put your faith in the Force that it will guide us successfully from this place. It will be a week or two before this plan is ready to execute, so prepare yourself."
"...yes, Master." And just like that, the mask was back on, the boy's face expressionless once again, and Satine couldn't help but wonder if the emotion was actually gone, or just well hidden. She'd have to ask...if she could ever get the jump on the boy. Irritating, frustrating Obi-Wan was proving to be more trouble than he was worth.
"Everything we do from this moment forward will be for our ultimate goal of leaving this planet," Qui-Gon said, his demeanor returning to its previous command. "That means on taking steps to ensure a successful infiltration." He circled one of the smaller squares surrounding the swamp to indicate one of the Death Watch outposts. "That means attacking these outposts. Not only will it draw their soldiers away from their base, but if we're lucky, word will get out that Duchess Satine is alive and fighting the Death Watch."
"Won't that just draw my enemies here?" Satine asked weakly, and the Jedi simply grinned in response.
"Yes it will, but it will rally your allies as well. Death Watch may find themselves being spread thin dealing with you and your supporters around the system. Never underestimate people when they're backed into a corner." He tapped his rock against the wall and looked over all the information. "If we're lucky, at the outposts, we can get a sense of the state of the conflict. Perhaps that will help you inform your decision of where it is best to flee."
"I'll...begin thinking right away," Satine said, her hands clutched tightly in her lap to hide the fact they were shaking.
"Obi-Wan, this first outpost will be the easiest one we will have to deal with since we have the element of surprise, so you will use this opportunity to steal yourself a set of Mandalorian armor. It will be necessary for a successful infiltration."
"Master, should we not all be armored, in that case?" the teen asked softly, and the Master sighed, tapping the rock against the wall.
"I considered that, yes, but it's a priority for you, since you will be infiltrating the compound. You're the most likely of us to find a set that fits, in any case. I'm far taller than the average, and Satine doesn't exactly have the warrior build of their soldiers." Satine looked up at the Jedi Master, her lips pursed indignantly when she saw Obi-Wan beside him, his eyes fixed on her and...examining her, like he was seeing her for the first time. She felt a deep flush spread across her cheeks and he stomach flutter with...anger, it had to be. What right did he have to look at her that way?!
"What are you looking at?!" she snapped, harsher than she intended, and Obi-Wan's eyes widened as if realizing what he had been doing, and he tore his gaze from her, his cheeks stained the same deep red as Satine's.
"Obi-Wan, focus," the Master sharply admonished, and the younger Jedi shut his eyes tightly. "If you happen to find a set that fits us as well, so much the better, but you must have it. After, you will take Satine to the new hideout I have marked while I lead the Death Watch away. The hiding place is quite a ways away, which should work to your advantage. The Death Watch will be following my trajectory, not yours. Understand?"
"...understood, Master."
"Memorize the map and prepare yourselves," the Jedi said as he gave the wall one last glance. "We leave for the first outpost in an hour."
"I count twenty of them, Master," Obi-Wan said, his voice just loud enough to carry down to the ground from the tree in which he stood looking out over the Death Watch outpost. It wasn't much, little more than three watchtowers, a supply storage shed, and a command center, no doubt erected in response to the Jedi and the Duchess having crashed in the swamp. Qui-Gon had said that the outposts circled the swamp, closing them inside a perimeter which they wouldn't be able to escape without notice. And it would have been difficult to. The forested areas had been cleared in a large strip between the outposts, giving them a clear line of sight on anything coming out of the swamp. Qui-Gon had been right. Causing a commotion was the only way to create a disturbance great enough to get past the line.
It was all well and good that they had to get off the planet, but at that moment, Obi-Wan's eyes were fixed on the supply storage shed as four Death Watch soldiers unloaded crates of rations off a repulsor craft. He was so hungry. Food had been scarce, and that morning, with the mission hanging over their heads, he had given his meager portion to Satine. The Duchess didn't have the benefit of the Force, so she needed food for strength, though at that moment, he was regretting having done so. Or, he would have regretted it if the memory of the small, shy smile on her face hadn't been burned on his mind. It was...pleasing, though he knew it wasn't a sight he would often see, and certainly not directed toward him.
Not that he cared for such things. His dedication to the Jedi Order was absolute. He had no need for such things. And with his flying no longer an option for the future...well, what else did he have but the Jedi? But Satine...
The past few days, he could feel her looking at him, which was...natural, he supposed. They were alone together a great deal, after all, and he could feel the lonely girl anxious for companionship. But there was...something in her gaze, something he could feel even when he wasn't looking at her, a slight change within her every time her eyes fell upon him. He could feel her heart race, the blood rushing through her, causing her pale skin to slightly flush and he breath to quicken. He ventured a look at her once to see if he could discern the cause of such, and found her...burning. So many emotions, and none of which he could recognize but the anger and bitter disdain that he knew he deserved, and that was mirrored in himself as well.
Still, he found peace in listening to her talk in her native tongue, found it soothed his own frustrations, not just to focus on a task, but to just listen to emotion play across every word she uttered. He wasn't used to this level of expression, this range of emotion, from the deepest sadness to the greatest joys, a tone far more pure than he had heard in more emotional Jedi, like Quinlan, who was more boisterous and overwhelming than the sweet chime of Satine. It was...his honor to protect such purity of soul, even if it was one that blazed like a star he deeply resented for the burns it inflicted.
"Master!" Obi-Wan called down from his position, his eyes fixed on two Mandalorians as they mounted speeder bikes and began heading in their direction. "They're sending out patrols, just as you said."
"How many?" the Master called up to him, and Obi-Wan jumped off the tree and landed beside Qui-Gon, wincing as the shock of the landing sent pain lancing from the two wounds in his body. Not yet healed...
"Two on speeders," Obi-Wan said quickly, pointing in the direction they were coming from. Qui-Gon nodded and pressed his body against a tree, watching as Obi-Wan did the same against the nearest one to his position.
"Remember, when you feel them right behind you, push out toward me with the Force," the Master said softly, his eyes looking sidelong up the path through the woods when he heard the buzz of the speeders. Satine clung too him, peeking out from behind him to look at the Padawan, her eyes worried but filled with a fierce determination. The panic of before was gone. She looked...almost like the ruler she'd one day be.
They didn't need to wait long for the buzzing to grow into the loud, shrill screech of the speeders, and Obi-Wan closed his eyes, reached out through the Force for his Master, syncing himself with Qui-Gon's calm, his even breathing, his slow, rhythmic heartbeat, and when he felt the Master move, he moved to mirror him, pushing out with the Force toward the other Jedi with as much strength as he could muster. Just as they pushed, the speeder bikes zoomed past, their speed kicking up dirt and wind, and the three fugitives watched as the Force slammed into the bikes, causing them to waver in the air and swerve directly toward each other, the long noses colliding and sending both bikes crashing to the ground. As one, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon raced from their cover toward the riders that had been thrown from their bikes, their hands on their lightsabers and setting them to blazing when the dazed soldiers rose, swaying on their feet as they drew their blasters. With a wave of his hand, Qui-Gon threw both of the scouting party against the thick trunk of a tree, Obi-Wan's blade swinging in the air to deflect two errant shots fired just as they were thrown. They collapsed to the ground and didn't move, though their chests rose and fell with their breathing.
"We must move quickly, Obi-Wan," the Master said, his sharp eyes looking in the direction of the outpost as his student quickly examined the unconscious bodies. Obi-Wan frowned, standing just as soon as Satine knelt beside the warriors.
"It's no good, one's too big and the other is female." He sighed heavily. "Eighteen at the compound...we aren't going to get lucky enough to be able and just knock them all out, are we?"
"Most likely not, no." Qui-Gon sighed and looked back at his student and the Duchess. "We can't waste time here. We need to hurry."
"I can help," Satine said, standing and taking the female's helmet and the long blaster off her male counterpart's back, her long, thin fingers making small adjustments on the weapon. Her eyes narrowed and she frowned when she saw the Jedi looking at her with surprise on their faces. "I was raised Mandalorian. I can shoot!" She held the weapon out to them. "This is an X-500 Wraith Sharpshooter, and my father raised me on shooting the X-52 Wraith and the X-55 Riot. I can shoot."
"She can shoot, Master," Obi-Wan quietly confirmed. "When we crashed, she got her hands on a blaster and didn't miss a shot. Not a single one killed, but all of them hit." Qui-Gon looked the hopeful Duchess over and slowly nodded.
"You will stay out of sight, am I understood?" The girl responded by putting the helmet on her head. "You may end up killing them, you understand this, right?"
"I won't," Satine said, her voice modulated through the helmet. "I've set the weapon to output concussive force. They'll be out of your way, in any case, but I won't kill them, and I'd appreciate it if you found a way to avoid it as well."
"As ever, Duchess." Satine held her hand on the helmet, listening to the com broadcast through the small speakers by her ears.
"...it doesn't sound like they know their scouts went down. We may still have the element of surprise, but it won't be for long."
"Sounds like a good time to run," Qui-Gon said. "Come on, let's go."
They ran swiftly through the swampy, wooded terrain, with Satine giving them regular updates on the movements of the Death Watch. The reports weren't complete, but she got the idea that something was happening over at the main complex. She didn't know what, but from the sound of it, the troops were mobilizing. It wasn't good. When he access to the com channel was cut, she knew that they had discovered that something had happened to their search party, and with a quiet curse under her breath, she told her Jedi guardians to prepare for trouble.
It was an excellent suggestion, and they prepared for trouble by climbing up into the high branches of the wetland trees, silent and still as they counted the outpost soldiers that ran by. Eight, leaving only ten at the outpost, a much more reasonable number. There would, of course, be reenforcements, and in moments, the swamps would be flooded with the Death Watch, but Obi-Wan was confident in their ability to succeed, not in the least because of the intensity of the focus between the three of them. They had a task, and it would be accomplished. When the swamp was silent, the sound of the troops having passed them by, they dropped out of the trees and continued to run, quickly closing the kilometer of distance still left between them and the outpost.
They hid in the underbrush at the edge of the woods, peering through leaves and branches at the outpost where four Death Watch soldiers stood, blasters in hand and on high alert. The three watchtowers each had one soldier standing atop of it, which left the other three hidden to them, though both Jedi could sense them within the command center. They had to move fast. Reenforcements would be coming much sooner than they would have liked.
"I'll take the four guards on the ground," Qui-Gon said, pointing toward his targets. "Obi-Wan, you go for the command center, make sure they don't get out the call alerting their friends to our location. We need as much time as we can get, and I like them better scouting the woods than poking around here." The Padawan nodded, his eyes narrowed as he quickly ran through a plan in his mind. "Satine, you say you're a good shot?"
"Better than you'll ever be, Jedi." Qui-Gon softly chuckled, and felt the student beside him shift as he repressed a small smile.
"Take the three on the watchtowers. Do you have clear shots at all three?" Satine moved some branches out of her way, frowning as she looked at the scene before her.
"No, but I do from over there," she said, pointing to a tree at the edge of the clearing not too far from their current position. She looked through the scope of the rifle in her hands through the narrow visor of her helmet. "It looks like they're equipt with snipers as well. If you can draw them to the other side of that storage shed, you should be out of the range of two of them. I can take out the other one first."
"Is Obi-Wan covered?" The Duchess shook her head.
"No, but if he gets in the command center quickly, it shouldn't be a problem." Qui-Gon and Satine both looked at Obi-Wan, the young Jedi quietly surveying the scene before him.
"...it won't be a problem, Master. I can get in."
"Very well." Qui-Gon tossed his lightsaber from hand to hand as he readied himself. "Satine, don't begin shooting until I have their undivided attention. Obi-Wan, you and I move at the same time. I'll keep them off of you, but be prepared to deal with them if need be." Both teens nodded. "Alright. May the Force be with us. Go!"
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan tore out of their hiding position as one, the two Jedi using the Force to augment their speed as they rushed across the wide open clearing, the Mandalorian guards catching sight of them immediately and opening fire. Lightsabers thrumming to life as they rushed them, the two Jedi batted bolt after bolt out of the way as their straight trajectory suddenly zigzagged as they bounded and dodged, keeping their movements unpredictable and making it impossible for the snipers to get a shot. The moment they crossed the line between the two of the watchtowers, they peeled away from each other, Qui-Gon rushing the three soldiers that stood between him and the supply shed, and Obi-Wan making a straight path to the command center, deflecting a bolt fired at him from the fourth guard, the plasma striking the Mandalorian that shot it right in the stomach.
Obi-Wan winced when he heard the man groan in pain, and before he rushed the door of his target, he slid his lightsaber into the fatally wounded man's neck, ending his life quickly instead of letting him linger in pain as he slowly died. It was a mercy, he told himself, but it made him shiver all the same. His eyed shot quickly over to where he knew Qui-Gon was when he heard a short, high pitched screech, the sound of Satine's sniper rifle firing, and he watched as one guard fell from his post on the guard tower. A moment later and a second shot rang out, and a second guard fell. He only had a moment to look, but Obi-Wan managed to see two of the guards that had been chasing Qui-Gon fly from behind the storage shed and strike the base of the guard tower. The plan was...actually succeeding. The Force, at least in this moment, was with them.
Steeling himself and opening himself to the Force, his heart beating with confidence, Obi-Wan jumped up and kicked the door, all his weight and power behind the strike, and the door caved open, the Jedi falling to the ground in a rolling dive, his hands outstretched before him as he rose to a knee, sending the three Death Watch soldiers slamming against the walls of the small room before they had a chance to react to the violent intrusion. When the men on the ground groaned and began to struggle to their feet, Obi-Wan used the Force to tear their helmets from their heads and quickly slammed the heavy hilt of his lightsaber on the backs of their heads, sending them unmoving to the ground.
He stood in the room and listened, still and quiet as he heard his Master's lightsaber thrum in the air, it's pitch rising and falling as he swung it, followed by the final screeching shot from the sniper. Clipping his lightsaber to his belt, he quickly dragged the three Mandalorians to the center of the room, lining them up and carefully examining them, and his eyes settled on the one on the right. Taking a deep breath and shaking his head, Obi-Wan knelt down and began to fiddle with the straps of his armor as he undressed him. Which was how Satine found him a few minutes later, kneeling over a half naked Mandalorian warrior and fiddling with the buckle on his pants.
It was awkward.
Satine arched an eyebrow, a wry, wicked smile on her face, and Obi-Wan blushed furiously and averted his eyes from both the Duchess and the man laid out before him.
"Shall I leave you two alone?" the girl said, sniggering when the Jedi flushed even deeper. "Though I must say, this is hardly the time for it. It does explain quite a bit about you, though."
"T-this is for the mission!" Obi-Wan cried indignantly, his face burning with embarrassment and frustration with the aggravating girl. "You heard Master Qui-Gon, he said I needed armor, and this man happens to be very similar to my size and build!" Satine's eyes roved over the unconscious soldier as Obi-Wan pulled the last of the armor from him, the young Jedi's eyes focused on folding the pants neatly together to fit with the rest of his pile of armor.
"He is a good deal better to look at than you, Jedi," the Duchess said mockingly, and Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.
"You would like my friend Quinlan, I think," he muttered, and Satine gasped.
"You have friends?!" Obi-Wan's hand balled into a fist as he glared at the girl, his face an even darker shade of red, which the Duchess didn't even think was possible.
"I do have friends, yes," Obi-Wan said through grit teeth, standing with the stack of armor in his hands and placing it on one of the chairs in the room as he began to fiddle with the control console. "Quinlan is a hedonistic degenerate. I believe you would have gotten along with him much better, though you'd have quite a time keeping him from ravishing you." He glanced at the girl over his shoulder, the smile on her face gone and replaced with something a fair bit less comfortable and relaxed, her pale skin stained pink. "Unless, of course, you'd like that sort of thing."
"So the Jedi are human, hmm?" she asked, less assured than before. "I guess that makes you an outcast among the Jedi as well." The Jedi's eyes narrowed in a rare show of anger for just a moment before they became...what? Satine tilted her head as she looked at him, the boy quickly turning back to his work at the console, but the look in his eyes before he averted his gaze seemed almost...wounded. Like she had struck on something far closer to the truth than she knew.
"Quinlan is the exception," Obi-Wan muttered. "I suspect his pleasure-seeking behavior is tolerated only because he is...uniquely gifted. He possesses an extremely rare talent, the Jedi fought over the chance to teach him since the moment they realized he had the skill." His shoulders tensed, a thing he tried to cover by hunching over the console. "His talents would have been of great use on this mission."
"Perhaps he should have been assigned here, then," Satine said, but her voice lacked the conviction and harshness of before.
"...maybe so. He would have liked you very much, he thrives on passion." He laughed softly as he tuned into the encrypted com channel. "And since you Mandalorians place no value in chastity, I think you would have gotten along with him very well indeed, though..." he laughed softly, glaring at the girl over his shoulder when he felt her tense. "He is a Jedi. You'd never be more to him than a convenient bedmate."
"Is that what you think would happen?!" the girl shouted.
"You don't know Quinlan. It is what would happen."
"You think so little of me?!" This time, the Padawan turned to face her, his face and eyes cold, not just emotionless.
"Well, you are Mandalorian," he said with disdain, and he held up his hand to the girl in a silent command to be silent, and for once, Satine obeyed, at a rare loss for words in her fury, the air filled with the crackling static of the com and the Mandalorian voices that carried over it. He could feel Satine's blood rush with anger, and he could feel new reasons for her hatred of him grow within her. That was fine by him.
Both teens stood in angry silence as they listened to the shouts and confusion, the frantic commands and the heated shouting for more support. Their attack on the outpost had disrupted something big, something important that was happening over at the base, though what it was, they had no idea. What they did know was that the confusion was to their benefit, as the troops were having difficulty mobilizing an organized response. It was good, but they needed to go.
Together, they ran from the command center and out into the yard toward the storage shed, the doors thrown open, and they saw Qui-Gon disappear inside. As they drew closer, the Jedi exited, his arms filled with packets that he dropped on his heavy cloak that had been shed and lay on the ground. A small mountain of medical supplies and food rations lay on the cloak, and Obi-Wan felt his mouth begin to water as he remembered how hungry he was.
"Can you get to the next hiding place?" Qui-Gon asked. "Do you remember the way?"
"Yes, Master."
"It's very far away, and there aren't any speeders here," the Master said, disappearing inside the shed and coming out with another armful of supplies that he dropped on his cloak. "You'll be running most of the day, but if you're swift and lucky, you'll make it there before sundown." His head shot up as he listened, feeling the Force for the dull, nagging feeling that Obi-Wan felt as well, and he quickly returned his attentions to the teenagers. "Does that armor fit?"
"It should, Master." Qui-Gon nodded.
"Good. Put it on the cloak." Obi-Wan did as he was told, and Qui-Gon quickly wrapped the supplies in his cloak in a bundle, tying it all together with the sleeves and the hood, and he thrust the pack into Obi-Wan's arms. "Go. Don't stop running. Reenforcements are on the way, and they will be here very soon. I'm going to lead them far, far away from you."
"Master, if you came with us, we-"
"If they don't have something to chase, they will find something to chase, Obi-Wan. It's best we provide them with something." He laid a hand on his worried Padawan's shoulder. "Take care of the Duchess. I should return by morning, and if I don't, stay put and wait. If I'm not back in three days..." He paused to smile reassuringly at the student when he felt the teen's heart begin to race with anxiety. "I will be, but if not, then the mission will be up to you. Go forth like we planned, get her to safety, and contact the Council." Qui-Gon held up a hand to silence him before Obi-Wan could voice his opposition. "You will do as your told, my Padawan."
"...yes, Master."
"Go, I'll cover you."
Without looking back, Obi-Wan slung the pack over his shoulder, took Satine by the hand, and ran away from the swamp, the Death Watch, and his Master.
As Qui-Gon had said, it had taken hours to reach their destination, but it only took Satine half hour to run out of energy completely, the punishing pace draining the additional speed and strength that her rushing adrenaline provided. With no other options, Obi-Wan was forced to stop, quickly retie his pack to create makeshift straps, and he gave it to Satine to wear as he hoisted the girl on his own back and carried her the rest of the way. She was...mesmerized. She couldn't fathom where the boy got such strength, such stamina, such determined endurance, but somehow, each time she felt his body sag with exhaustion, he quickly caught himself and rushed forward, stronger and faster than before.
The terrain changed drastically as they ran, the traces of swamp fading into thick forests, then thinning into plains and rocky plateaus, and back into forest once again. Thanks to the fierce determination of the Jedi that carried her, they arrived long before the sun set, possibly as much as an hour before the Master had projected they would arrive. Satine didn't see where they would be hiding until Obi-Wan pointed it out, a small cave cut into the base of one of the forest's protruding plateaus, hidden well by thick vines and a small river that cut across the woods. Back in the swamp, the air had felt heavy and stagnant and strangely silent, the local avians and fauna driven to silence by the constant activity of the Death Watch, and no matter the time of day, they could always hear the shouting of soldiers, the screeching of search ships and speeder bikes, and the roar of jetpacks as their enemy hunted them.
But here, there was...nothing. No screams, no disturbance in the air from the harsh sound of ships as they roared overhead. There was just the sound of birds and insects and the call of animals and the trickling of water over rocks. Satine knew they were not safe, not even here, but this place was far out of the standard search area, and she allowed herself to relax, letting her weariness settle over her as she dropped the pack inside the cave and promptly fell asleep.
It was still light when she awoke perhaps an hour later, and her entire body ached, her back sore from sleeping on top of the rifle strapped to her back. She stretched, groaning as she did so, and grabbed one of the food rations from the open pack as she left the cave to look for her protector. He was easy to find. She squinted against the setting sun to see him crouching beside the small river, his hands in the water, doing...something, she couldn't see. With a sigh, Satine quietly pattered over to him, watching as he stood and pulled his robe out of the water, tightly wound the cloth and wrung it out, and draped it on a rock beside him. When he turned around, he stood facing the Duchess, the girl gaping at him, and Satine watched as a deep flush spread across the boy's face, too flustered to even move.
Despite living so closely for the past few days, Satine and Obi-Wan never got close, his apparent Jedi modesty demanding that he remain decent whenever she was around, but now, the Jedi stood stripped to the waist, and Satine couldn't take her eyes from him. The boy was thin, a condition that was no doubt made worse by a week of barely eating, his ribs easy to see beneath skin that was far too pale. He was gaunt and lanky, his body still caught between his youth and manhood, though in a few years, she could see that frame filled out beautifully with strength, an easy thing to imagine as she looked at the trim, lean, defined muscle of his torso.
But that wasn't why she stared. No, Satine's eyes were fixed on the burned, blackened holes on his shoulder and side, the indentations shining with the thick, viscous smear of bacta that the boy had applied, a large circle of dark purple bruising his skin around each wound. It was sobering, a stark contrast to his natural pale, the discoloration drifting down his arm, across his ribs, and dipping below the waist of his pants. The shot was one thing, but it seemed as though the force of the blast caused more damage than the burning plasma did. She felt guilt rush through her. This may not have been her fault, but he suffered these wounds for her, even though he hated her, even though she hated him, even though she was unduly cruel...
Violence could never be the answer to anything if it could result in damaging a body as beautiful as this.
Obi-Wan looked at her like he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to, his mouth moving as he tried to speak, but the words caught in his throat, and Satine finally, finally saw her opportunity. It wasn't what she came to him for, but she couldn't pass it up, not now.
"Tell me about the Jedi Order."
Obi-Wan's eyes widened even further, staring at her with confusion and shock before it melted into defeat, and then acceptance as he slowly nodded. "I...suppose we're well past due for this, aren't we?" Satine crossed her arms over her chest, but couldn't keep the smile from her lips.
"That we are."
"I-I'm washing my clothing, I thought you were asleep," he quickly stuttered, pointing back to the rock where his robes and tunic lay drying. "I'm sorry, I-"
"Obi-Wan, it's alright!" Satine quickly interrupted before the boy could find an excuse to get out of the conversation. "I don't mind, and..." She pointed to his wounds. "They're healing, right? We need to let the bacta do its work." Obi-Wan looked at her for a moment, searching her face for ulterior motive, but found nothing, and slowly nodded, watching the Duchess as she pulled off her boots and sat beside the river, her feet dipping into the gently rushing water. He quietly sat beside her and did likewise.
"...it's hard to define the Order," Obi-Wan said after a moment of silence. "How do you describe something you have known your whole life? I know no other way but the way of the Jedi."
"Alright..." Satine said, planting her hands behind her and leaning back, her lips pursed as she thought. "Do you have family?"
"None but the Jedi."
"But surely you must have parents. Are they Jedi too?" This time, Obi-Wan looked contemplative, his mouth slightly parted as he seemed to mouth something to himself, his blue eyes distant as he dove within himself, and there was silence. For a long while, Satine sat watching him, trying to be patient, but found she could bear the silence no longer. "If it was a bad question, or a painful one, I'm sorry, I-"
"No, no," Obi-Wan said quickly. "It...it was a good question. I find I am having difficulty answering it. Those outside the Order do not understand the Jedi because of our customs, and I feel it will be especially difficult for you because..." He trailed off, a blush coming to his face when he saw offense in her eyes. "...the Mandalorian dedication to the embrace of your passions will make this, make me seem...odd. More odd than you already believe me to be."
Was that it? All those long silences, all those short answers, all those averted eyes, the stubborn refusal to even look at her, was this it? She had thought Obi-Wan simply arrogant, a teenage boy with a rare gift that made him uniquely powerful, a boy that thought himself above her...could all of it just be because of this? Arrogance wasn't his affliction, it was shyness. She was beginning to see him in a new light, and a slow, challenging smile spread across her face.
"Try me." The response seemed to surprise him, and he drew back slightly, his eyes searching her face, his expression guarded, but she didn't look away from him. Obi-Wan averted his gaze first, his eyes fixing on the light playing on his feet through the water.
"...the Jedi are forbidden from forming attachments," he said slowly after a moment of silence, measuring each word and giving it its appropriate weight. "As a part of our Code, we train to allow our bonds to be broken, so we hold nothing too close, too dear, so we prioritize nothing above the mission we are given." Obi-Wan glanced at the young Duchess out of the corner of his eye and found her confused and horrified, but not disgusted or disdainful as he expected.
"No attachments?" she gasped. "None? What about Qui-Gon? You two seem so close!"
"And we are," Obi-Wan said softly, a slight smile on his lips that seemed to make him glow with warmth and a depth of emotion far greater than Satine thought him capable of. "There is a...bond between us, deeper than something someone without the Force may feel. Our bond is a mental connection, a link through which the Force flows freely between us. He is always with me, I can always feel his presence."
"Can you feel him now?" she asked cautiously, afraid of what the answer may be, since the Master was putting himself in danger, but his student nodded.
"I can. Ease your fears, Duchess, he is fine." She breathed a sigh of relief, one that Obi-Wan found himself mirroring. "When I become a Jedi Knight, when my apprenticeship has ended...that bond will be severed, and we will be forced to move on." The warm smile dropped from her face, and Obi-Wan had to look away from her. "It's...part of out final test. He will always be there for me, of course, should I ever need him, but...attachment is forbidden, and there is none stronger within the Jedi than that between a Master and his Padawan. The bond must be broken."
"Y-you said you had friends," she said, almost as if she was searching for a way to prove that life without any attachment was impossible, but Obi-Wan simply shook his head.
"I do, yes. I like them, but...the bonds may not grow too deep. I have found myself to be...particularly susceptible to forging bonds. I have gone to great lengths to protect myself from such." He sighed. "It is...no easy thing for me, but I have managed." Satine was silent for a while as she looked at him. This was a conversation they should have had long ago.
"That is why you do the whole..." She did her best to stare blankly ahead, her face expressionless, her eyes devoid of emotion before a small smile came to her face. "Stoic thing. Right?" Obi-Wan slowly nodded.
"We are not forbidden from feeling," he said softly. "But those feeling have a time, a place, and must be let go when it is time. A Master can handle this. A Padawan cannot." He smiled at her, a faint, pained thing that tugged at her heartstrings. "A Jedi shall not know anger, nor hatred, nor love." He laid a hand over his heart. "Emotions, connections, all of it must be let go, released, or not felt at all, and I...already feel too deeply. It's easier to remain...distant." He smiled at her again. "You understand?"
Satine nodded slowly. "I think so...you have no deep friendships, then? Nothing like that, no person you would do anything to protect?" The Jedi shook his head. "I suppose that means you can have no lovers." The boy flushed a fierce shade of red and quickly shook his head, his expression appalled and horrified.
"N-no, no, of course not! It is...deeply discouraged, though my friend has many. It's not overlooked because he's..." Obi-Wan cleared his throat and turned his gaze away. "This is an inappropriate subject to discuss with a lady. Let's just say...it's purely physical with him. I've never heard of him being with the same girl twice, so...w-well, he says it's not really breaking the rules if he isn't attached."
Satine laughed softly. "Well, is he right?" The Jedi shrugged, chuckling as well, a light and easy thing that made Satine feel at ease. "Still, it must be lonely. You must be lonely." Obi-Wan was silent for a moment as he contemplated the statement.
"...I'm not," he finally said. "After all, no being is ever truly alone. The Force connects us all."
"Yes, but most people can't even feel the Force," Satine countered. "You may be connected to everything, but there's a big difference between living in this world and being a part of it."
"...you may be right," Obi-Wan said, a sad smile on his face. "But that is not my path. I will be a Jedi Knight, or...I am nothing." The smile on his face grew wider, but it was hollow, a shell of an emotion, not an actual one. "What else can I be but that?"
"You could be anything," she started, but stopped quickly when she saw that smile waver.
"I am nothing without the Jedi," he whispered, and the Duchess had to lean in to hear him over the sound of the water at their feet. "You don't know what I suffered to get where I am. I have come too far to turn back now." Those blue eyes grew distant, hazy, like he had suddenly left his body, and Satine frowned. She had pushed him too far for one day. But she learned a great deal about him and the place he came from. Her hunch was right. Obi-Wan was shy, a quiet, introverted boy that hid behind a mask of indifference to protect a soft, deeply emotional heart. His experience with people outside of the equally cold and emotionless Jedi must have been limited, so it was little wonder he was struggling to deal with her now.
"I think," Satine said softly, smiling at the Jedi as he watched the sun dip below the horizon, "that it is getting late, and we're going to need a fire before it becomes too dark." Obi-Wan's eyes lit up, returning to himself as suddenly as he had left.
"A wise decision, Duchess."
"But I should like to hear more about the Jedi!" she said quickly as Kenobi stood, and she took his hand when he offered it to her to help her to her feet.
"If you will continue teaching me Mando'a, I would be happy to."
"Or..." she said, a clever smirk crossing her face. "You could tell me about the Jedi in Mando'a." The Jedi's blue eyes lit up, and a small, genuine smile crossed his lips, one that made Satine's heart skip a beat, and she began to tremble, not exactly knowing why. The sun had set, it was getting cold. That was it. It had to be.
"I was thinking the exact thing, Duchess." Obi-Wan watched Satine as she frowned, not unpleasantly, but in thought, her eyes casually looking at him before she realized what she was doing, flushed deeply, and turned to walk swiftly toward the cave, gathering branches as she went. They were a good deal out of the way of the regular patrols, they had food, water, medical supplies, and if need be, they could hide out for a while, take their time to prepare for their plan and execute it when they were ready. Suddenly, the prospect of being alone with Satine didn't seem like such a horrible thing to Obi-Wan.
Meditation.
All things considered, today was something of a success. Qui-Gon has yet to return, but he will. The night has only just begun, and he said not to expect him until morning, but still...I worry. I know he is safe, I can feel he is safe, but it wouldn't be the first time I was wrong. It wouldn't be the first time my emotions clouded my judgement. But I believe he is well. I have to believe he is well. I don't know what I would do if it were otherwise.
I took a look at the Mandalorian armor I managed to secure today after Satine fell asleep. It's much lighter than I thought it would be. I doubt I am wearing it right, I will have to ask Satine for help with it in the morning. If I'm to infiltrate their base of operations, I can't look like someone who's never worn armor in their life. I am someone who's never worn armor in their life, so I suppose I'll need a great deal of practice to pull it off. I'll need to look like one of them, I'll need to speak like one of them, which we have already determined is impossible. I learn the words and the grammar quickly, but the perfect intonation eludes me. But I can learn it. I must learn it. The infiltration will fail if I can't pull this off, and...
Force, what am I doing here?
That's the trouble with this plan. It doesn't matter how well I end up speaking Mando'a because I can't fly. I may have been good in the simulations at the Jedi Temple and in the skies around Coruscant, but out here, I am nothing. There's a vast chasm of difference between life in the Temple and life in the galaxy, and I hadn't realized how wide it was until I came here. Misplaced pride and arrogance makes for a poor pilot, and I hadn't realized how filled with pride I was until it was taken from me. With any luck, Qui-Gon will see the error in his plan before he decides to go through with this mistake. He wants this mission to succeed, doesn't he? I want this mission to succeed. Perhaps I will petition Satine in the morning so she can talk some sense into him. We are at her command, after all, and she wouldn't feel safe in my care, not after last time. If there's one thing I can count on Satine for, it's her lack of faith in me.
I don't blame her, of course. I did earn it, and this consistence in the otherwise inconsistent, emotional mess that is...well, her is something I can count on. Although...
Things have changed between us, and I do not suspect it was because of what happened at the outpost. No, she changed because of our conversation about the Jedi, which gave her a little understanding into...well, me, I suspect. Which of course will vindicate Qui-Gon, who claimed that the problem in our relationship was me. It must have been, since tensions seem to have eased a great deal. Our conversation over dinner tonight could almost be called...pleasant, if not a bit bumbling, since she insisted in conversing in Mando'a, which I truly am grateful for, but I could barely get through a sentence without her stopping to correct me. She must have sensed my frustrations, because before she went to sleep, she said that I was perhaps just slightly less hopeless than she previously thought. Of course, she was tired, and we had both eaten our first real meal in over a week, so of course she was more relaxed.
Quinlan, of course, would tell me it's changed because she saw me in a state of undress, but Quinlan is a single-minded, hedonistic, lascivious child. Satine isn't like that. She may be a confused, emotional mess, but her heart beats for her people. She is focused and dedicated to her cause, she had no time for such things, nor will she be swayed by them. It's plain to see just by looking at her. And our conversation laid bare the rules of the Jedi that I must obey, so she knows in this, I am the same as her. We are committed to our duty, and that is all. I will have no lover, no wife, no children, as are the demands of the Jedi. She will, one day, when her duty allows for it, when her duty demands it of her. After all, she is a Duchess. Royalty. A Queen, even, and that lineage must be continued. They could never be a future with me, even if it's what I wanted. Which it isn't.
I wouldn't even know where to begin if a woman were put in front of me. I...don't even know what I would do if I were confronted by even the possibility of such a thing. I've found women...aesthetically pleasing before, that isn't new. I will even confess that Satine is quite easy to look at. Qui-Gon says it's the pull of hormones, and as Jedi, we are to rise above such base desires, which I feel I have been successful in. Mostly...
Puberty hasn't escaped me entirely, of course, and I've had my fair share of terribly embarrassing nights, but that was last year. This year, so far, I am much more in control, though I suspect a great deal of that has to do with watching Quinlan descend into hormone-induced madness in his insatiable need to copulate with literally every female he sees. It's so undignified. It's not a trap I will be falling into. I have my urges under control, the dreams have stopped, and through meditation, I can free myself of the need for physical release. Real men don't let themselves be controlled by their basic instincts, they rise above it. Jedi rise above it, and so will I.
I need to. Without flying, it's all I have left.