BARNEY IS A GOOD DAD
Barney and Bamm-Bamm Rubble watched, grinning as Fred Flintstone cursed and tried in vain to get his ball out of the sand trap. But the Ashphalt Palmer Golf Lodge had the toughest traps in Bedrock County.
"I don't have to tell you this, son, but your future father-in-law has one helluva temper!" Barney chuckled. "Listen to him curse that ball!"
Bamm-Bamm smiled. "Yeah, but the great thing about Uncle Fred's always been that he goes right back into a good mood...his bark is way worse than his bite. God, he spoiled Pebbles to death, didn't he?"
Bamm-Bamm's eye strayed for a moment, looking at Mr. Morganite's caddy. The Ashphalt Palmer employees were wearing puma skins this year, and boy was that kid in a snug one. Boys do grow up so fast.
Bamm-Bamm bit his lip. I can't get upset about this, he thought to himself. I'm going to be married to a beautiful woman, maybe I shouldn't be looking at a young caddy that way, but hey, there's nothing wrong with admiring a kid who keeps himself in shape, right?
Bamm-Bamm noticed his dad looking at him with a little smile. B.B. loved his adoptive old man, although clearly they weren't related at all. Barney was short and chunky, if not pudgy, and his son had beaten him at arm wrestling before the kid was out of his Permalloy disposable diapers.
When Bamm-Bamm was eighteen months old, he'd kicked the crap out of a mugger who was threatening his parents when they were coming out of a Jennifer Anistone flick.
But the son had tremendous respect and affection for his Pop.
Barney spoke. "You know, BB, getting married is a big step. I can appreciate the care you've taken in trying to put off the wedding until you're established, and the respect you have for Pebbles...your mom and I kind of rushed into marriage after her dad caught us, uh, misbehaving."
Bamm-Bamm blushed. "That's a little TMI, Dad."
Barney nodded. "You know, you're right. And I wouldn't get so personal...but just as Betty's dad walked in on us, I almost walked in on you a couple of semesters ago when Horatius Heliotrope was tutoring you in your room."
Bamm-Bamm's face drooped. He wondered if his ears were turning red.
Barney grinned. "I remember that I'd offered to pay for the tutoring, although I couldn't understand why you were studying French with Horatius when your language classes were Spanish...and you said Horatius was doing the tutoring for free... and when I peeked in, he sure was."
Barney laughed good-naturedly. "Ah-hih-hih-hih!" But then, seeing his son's face, he paused.
"You know, son, I did my share of playing doctor with boys and girls when I was a young kid, and after your mother spotted you in the Kaolinite boy's tree house back in junior high, I excused her story of you kids rolling around naked, and Marty McTopaz, who is really Catholic, called me when you were uh, wrestling with his nephew, and I talked Marty down, saying boys go through a phase, I think that was the summer before college."
"Dad, I-"
Barney put a finger to his lips. Then he said "I pay your credit card bill, and haven't said much about sponsoring your membership in the Bedrock Bathhouse, or when I bailed you out of jail because of the misunderstanding at the public restroom at Lyndon Johnstone park. You're a good kid, you make fabulous grades, and I don't push the eccentricities, but-"
"Dad, I just resigned the bathhouse and-"
"...but you're a grown up man now...I made my choice for girls when I was about thirteen, but I don't think that's your choice, is it?"
God, my parents have caught me a lot, Bamm-Bamm thought. But they never said anything. He looked at his short, chubby Dad and saw nothing but love and affection in his little black eyes...and then Bamm-Bamm looked over at Fred, who had just gotten the ball out of the sand trap.
Barney nodded at Bamm-Bamm's prospective father-in-law and grinned in a sort of forced way to his son...and the gesture spoke volumes.
A half hour later, ducking out of the shower after waving good naturedly to the departing caddy, what a mouth, like velvet! (For the last time, never again, really, and he came on to me, right?) Bamm-Bamm realized the answer to all this must be some serious therapy. Pebbles deserved the best groom she could get.