Despite an overwhelming urge to greet the princess at her lion, Lotor remained on the bridge with Coran. He was also tentative to show his relief when she strode confidently into the large space, flanked by the other Paladins. However, when she passed him and gave him that soft smile, a mirror of the same feelings touched the corner of his mouth. It tugged at something inside of him, causing the bittersweet tang in his heart to loom nearly insurmountable. He wondered if she could notice it. If she could sense his distress, she showed little sign of it. That is better. Lest you worry her. Again, the thoughts made him physically ill.
The passing moment moved forward in the blink of eye, however. Time marched ever onward. He was reminded of this fact increasingly as the days went by.
Shiro spoke, "We can split into teams and comb through the outposts one by one. If anyone finds anything of interest or possible worth tag it with a locator."
The other Paladins nodded unanimously. Lotor paid little attention to them. His mind was preoccupied with how he would fit into the upcoming plan. You shouldn't even tempt yourself by going. Reason vied with the brash emotions Allura conjured within him.
Her strong voice decided without him. "Lotor can ride with me again."
His frosty eyebrows lifted to the ceiling only slightly. It was the only display of reaction that he allowed to cross his face. Boldness shone in her eyes, but she didn't meet his gaze. Instead, she turned and looked at Shiro. "Should we ready ourselves?"
Shiro nodded sagely and took the lead in the conversation. "Gather whatever you need for the surface exploration. Remember, we don't trust these pirates. Coran can send us the coordinates that Lotor identified," he finished with finality.
Hunk looked concerned. "How long are we planning on staying down there?"
Shiro twerked an eyebrow. "I am not sure," he said with a hint of familiarity in his baritone voice. "I would recommend you pack enough food for a few days. We can always come back to the castle, but time is of the essence."
The young Samoan man looked relieved. "Ah, okay."
As the other Paladins filed out, Lotor caught Shiro giving him one last glance. An aura of ice passed between the two. It was a warning. Lotor could guess multiple reasons why. Lotor took the information and hid it away. The door hissed shut behind Shiro just as a touch to Lotor's elbow sent lightning down his spine.
His golden irises snapped down to meet Allura's eyes. There was a seriousness in her eyes and a transparent unease. Gooseflesh erupted on the nape of his neck. The echoing words of caution from earlier hushed. His brows knit together automatically in worry. "Yes?" He asked hesitantly quiet. He suddenly felt horribly exposed and his eyes darted to Coran, who was obliviously working at the Castle's controls.
She gave him a tiny smile. "I want to talk with you," she said just as quietly.
Claxons blared in his head and Lotor's mind went into stunned lockdown. Did she know about his… misgivings? Did she uncover something… vile? He slammed on the breaks and forced his diaphragm to breath for him properly. He pasted a stoic look on his face, hoping for unknown reasons that it didn't look too stern. He willed his tongue to say suavely, "Of course, princess."
Hell, she blushed. A heat rose to his own face as he turned and waved her through the door before him. These feelings were the most fearsome enemies he had ever battled. His mind raced with possibilities. Questions about where he had gone to, where they were headed, if he felt comfortable going with her again, why he had left so swiftly a while ago…
Oh, heavens please not anything about if I like you. Please, nothing like that. She could accuse him of anything else and he would be prepared for it. Not that.
He cut off his musings by analysing the situation. She had not attempted to kill him, so he assumed this was relatively benign… He did not expect the sudden change in her behaviour as they rounded a corner.
"Lotor." She sounded pained and nervous at the same time. Allura treaded carefully. "Are you okay?"
He blinked. That was the last thing he had expected to come out of her mouth. Autopilot made him blurt out a blatant "Yes."
Worry crossed over her face and she frowned. "Are you sure? I am here to listen to any concerns."
Lotor honestly had no idea how to respond to that. Be polite.
No. Now is your chance. Push her away. Cut this off before it becomes more painful. Before you must rip her away.
He was cast into a sharp recollection.
Lotor' closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew what the mission required. It tore at his heart, but the objective was precious to him. Words he had never heard, but knew nonetheless, reverberated through his mind. He would never know where he had learned the maxim. Maybe he had created it. "Betrayal is only bitter if baseless."
His fingers hovered over the sheath of his sword. His half-galran partner hiked beside him. They had been in this desert for too long. Only one warrior would last with their rations and water. Only one mattered.
The metallic twang of Lotor whipping his sword from his belt pierced the dry silence. He turned faster than the barren lightning storms that lighted each desert night since they had landed on this forsaken globe. The fear, panic, and shock on his partner's face would forever be etched into Lotor's face. It was one among a plethora lining the desolate halls of Lotor's mind.
Tharburz's decapitated body dropped heavily to the dusty ground. The thirsty land devoured his dark blood, caking into the soles of Lotor's boots. "It wasn't you, friend."
Lotor came out of the flashback petrified. I can't. I can't. I can't. He wouldn't kill her. He could never.
She dared not touch him. That instant of change on his face was unmistakable. He was only gone for a handful of precious seconds, but they seemed to move worlds for him. Allura could only imagine what traumas haunted him on a daily basis. She watched painfully unable to comfort him. It tore into her soul like a pair of daggers.
His mind slowed enough for him to get a grip on himself. You don't need to do that right now.
The princess saw the shift in his perception. She actually caught the moment when he returned to the present. She imprinted the second into her memory… For next time. Now, she flabbergasted him. Moving quickly, boldly, she wrapped her arms around his slender waist, crushing his large body and pressing her cheek into his chest. His heart was pounding.
He stiffened, overwhelmed and caught completely unawares. Then that feeling washed over him again. Something keenly warm brushed over the knot in his chest. Her scent wafted up to him and her soft, strong body moulded to his stone muscles. A lump formed in his throat.
Millions of words flooded in his head only to dam up his mouth. He doubted they would ever come.
After a long, debating moment. He melted into her embrace. Allura smiled into his tunic and hummed softly. They stood quietly for some time before Lotor broke the hug. He looked down with his large hands cupped over her shoulders. She allowed her arms to dangle over his non-existent hips as she gazed back up into his amber eyes. They were conflicted and unsure, but she could see a sparkle buried deeply.
"Do you want to go with Blue and me?" She asked gently.
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He would ride this emotional limbo for a little while longer. Taking his time wouldn't kill him.