Jughead was alive! And literally no one was surprised. Archie, Veronica, and Betty's murder charges where dropped and Stonewall prep was under investigation. Not everything was good though...
"Thank you for leaving us to rot in jail for two months," Betty said.
"I didn't know you were going to get arrested," Jughead said. "I told you to clean up the 'murder scene.'"
"Yeah well they figured it out," Betty said. "You wanted to fake your death to investigate Stonewall prep? Fine! I suggested you fake a car accident or pull a Veronica Sawyer and fake your suicide, but that was too cliché. We had to fake me murder you whilst I was under a trance. The serial killer genes are just genetics! Do you know how awful it is to be in a interrogation room for twelve hours?"
"I came back when I found out you guys were arrested," Jughead said.
"Still," Betty said. "I lost everything because of you! No college is going to want me because of this. Same with Archie and Veronica's."
Before Jughead could say anything, Betty snapped, "I'm breaking up with you! That is until I break up with some irrelevant side character and we decide to get back together."
"So your going to Archie and Veronica this," Jughead said.
"Yeah," Betty said. "The fanbase wants me to be with Sweatpea so I'm going for Sweatpea."
A/N: FYI I love Riverdale. I just also love to make fun of it. I was thinking about the theory that Jughead faked his death in the latest episode and realized if it was true he would be a big jerk for framing Betty for his murder. So I decided to write this oneshot.