A/N: Hello, this time I don't bring you comedy, just take it as a prologue for everything that happened before, I will write later part 2 which will bring the comedy. Also, I'm writing another story featuring this pairing, I already got the prologue, just trying to figure it out where to take it from there, maybe I will just post the prologue to hear your opinions. And don't worry soon you will see everything from Jeralt's perspective, the poor guy can't catch a break with his new family. Hope you like it
*Thud* *Thud* *Thud*
"Just three skips this time…"
I sighed, probably everyone is looking for me now, well It's to be expected, people usually panic when they can't find the archbishop of a whole continent,
… They don't expect someone of my position to be alone in a nearby lake throwing rocks at it...
Why was I there? Well…
"Whoa! Can you teach me how to do that?"
Memories of last night's dream invaded my mind, true to be told, after my merge with her I inherited some memories of my childhood. You could say that I unlocked them but I started to have them as dreams until now, probably because when you are at war you don't have time to dream, especially when someone could stab you in your sleep.
"Why the surprised face? Did I say something wrong?"
Five skips now, it looks like my ability is returning, I tried to look for another pebble to throw, a circular one will do the job, to be honest, It was a hobby of mine to come to a nearby lake when I felt sad, usually when the kids of a new town that my father and I had to stay for a mission started to pick on me. It was really common actually, especially when you are someone who has the emotional intelligence of a tree, I wasn't the most expressive kid of the world, and to be honest I started to remember it until now. My years before meeting my students were hazy for me… for some weird reason.
"Ok, I got the tiny rock, what's next?"
"Hold the stone between your thumb and middle finger" I said to myself relieving the dream in my mind, a mental image of a green-haired little girl appeared next to me "Bring your arm and wrist behind you"
"And then I just throw it right?"
I chuckled at the memory, my old self just stared at her with my usual deadpan expression, I told her that she had to flick her wrist when throwing it, and she did. The rock made three skips, she jumped in joy and hugged me while thanking me.
"I did it! thank you, thank you, thank you! you are the best of friends"
"Fr… Friend? you want me to be your friend?" I remember stuttering, that was the first time someone thanked me for something
"Why not? you are awesome at skipping rocks and in teaching how to, Is not okay to be friends?" she sure always had a way to convince me with her puppy eyes.
"Even If I'm a demon? everyone hates me for that" due to my emotional abilities and that at the time, I didn't know how to control my strength, people usually called me names in fear of what I was capable to do.
"No way, you are a demon? that makes you like hundreds of times cooler!" I could swear I saw a halo above her head at the time, I remember I couldn't say anything by a complete minute
"Hello? are you here friend who I don't know his name?" asked the little girl, who appeared to have my age
"Byleth"
"Hm?"
"That's my name"
"It's pretty" she smiled
"Uhm… thanks. What's yours?" I broke a record that day, of the longest conversation I had with someone, she always found a way to make me talk
"I don't remember..."
"You don't remember?" I said surprised, sometimes that happened to my father's mercenaries after a bad hit on the head but they remembered it after some hours.
"No, I tried but nothing" said the girl with a sad smile
"Uhm… I can give you one"
"Really?" her eyes opened in surprise
"How about… Zofia?" It was the name of a princess of a book that my father read me some time ago, in far land called Valentia, I thought it was pretty and fitting for her.
"Whoa, It's perfect, thank you!" she jumped and hugged me again, I stood still as cardboard not knowing what to do, as I recovered from the hug I said.
"You are welcome, so… are we friends?" I still had doubts about someone wanting to be my friend
"The best friends in the world forever!" she chirped happily.
"Byleth, dinner's ready!" I heard my father yell across the forest.
"Okay dad" I yelled back turning my back to Zofia "Hey Zofia, do you want to… " I was going to invite her to dinner but she disappeared from where she was.
"Uhm? what was I doing? right dinner…" losing my memory from my first encounter with her but the feeling of happiness still remained inside my heart.
I chuckle a little at the memory, my first meeting with Sothis, a memory that for some reason both of us forgot. Years later and with no memories from her or mine, she became my best friend again and she still is… even though we can't speak anymore…
*Thud* *Thud* *Thud* *Thud* *Thud* *Thud* *Thud*
Seven skips now, I broke my record. I wonder how many skips could she do now…
"Professor, we finally found you" Dimitri appeared from the little path that I used to come here, he was with the queen Marianne, long lost her shy demeanor, both of them were panting a little but smiling at me.
"Oh sorry, I was just taking a break, Is the church already on fire? Did Seteth finally went bald?" I joked a little, I have to thank her for teaching me how to make jokes.
Both king and queen, no, both of my friends chuckled at my joke, losing all their regal demeanor.
"It's good to see your sense of humor is improving Professor" said Mariane, well I had also to read a few books and have a few joking sessions with Alois to get to this point…
"Yeah, Professor, I still remember when you try to joke for the first time at the academy, It was… an interesting evening that day…" please don't remember me that day, I tried to make a 'why the chicken crossed the street' joke and failed horribly. Let's try to change of subject.
"Let's forget that day" I fake coughed "I take you are going to take me back to the monastery, right?"
"Oh yes Professor, we are a little late for the meeting and everyone is looking for you, what were you doing here by the way?" asked Dimitri a little curious.
"Just trying to skip some rocks" I said with a little smile on my mouth
"You can skip rocks?" asked Marianne surprised covering lightly her mouth with one hand
"Yeah, It's something I do every time I need to clear my thoughts" I said looking at the tranquil waters of the lake
"I heard from Seteth you were coming here more often lately, are you okay Professor?" asked Dimitri while putting a hand on my shoulder "We can talk If you want old friend" he smiled at me, after war the three of us became a lot closer, mostly for our constant meeting for the good of the kingdom and for our sessions of dealing with… our past…
"Just remembering an old friend Dimitri… a good old friend" I said still looking at my reflection on the lake, I have to be strong, It's been years since the last time I saw here, I have to move forward or she will scold me in the afterlife.
"I see…" said Dimitri a little worried
"We are here Professor, for whatever it's worth we can help If you ever need anything, we will come here as fast as we can whenever you need" said Marianne with a reassuring smile
"Thank you, both of you" I smiled at them "But don't worry, It's nothing to be worried about, just remembering a happy memory that's all" they are the ones that hurt the most… but It appeared that my answer calmed their worries.
"I'm glad Professor, come the council is waiting for us" said Dimitri walking to the monastery with his wife.
"Yeah… let's go" I followed them, revisiting that memory again in my mind
If only…
A 10-year-old me got up abruptly from the bed, another of those nightmares. A war breaks out, hundreds of people fighting, hundreds dying, blood everywhere and I could just stand there, in a body that wasn't mine, tears came from it, I felt the sadness, the guilt of that person, the impotence of knowing I couldn't do anything to stop it. It wasn't the first time I had those types of dreams, they were either about war or about a green-haired girl or woman, sometimes both, all of them had in common one thing, a feeling, a thought…
If only I could prevent this,
If only I could save them,
If only I was there…
My mouth was always dry after those nightmares, my heart raced like crazy, I knew I won't sleep after that, I tried, but the memories of those nightmares always managed to keep me up until the first rays of light. I told my father about them but there was nothing he could do to help me, but he believed me when I told him about them, he always left me tea with cookies near my bed to calm my nerves. I will always love how thoughtful he was with me, even If I didn't express how much It meant for me.
But that night was different, I felt a hand taking mine, somehow I managed to not scream at the sudden feeling, I watched at my side to see a girl of my age with a green colored hair getting up too from the bed, yawning while sitting on the bed.
"Are you okay?" asked the girl who, out of nowhere, was sitting on my bed
I could ask her who she was, I could ask her what was she doing in my room, I could scream for help and get my dad here…
But for some reason, I didn't.
I had the feeling that I knew her, maybe from a distant memory, that I could trust her… that she was a friend… Green eyes were looking at me, expecting me to answer.
"I had a nightmare" I said, looking down at my bed ashamed of admitting it
"You had one too? what was about?" she asked surprised, covering her mouth with her hand, her hair was long and It didn't have any decorations on it, It was messy like she had been sleeping on my bed all this time.
"About a war, about a fight, I could just see but I couldn't do anything and I felt guilty and for some reason, I still feel like that" I hated them because I knew that was the end of my sleep until the next night, I will feel tired thinking about them all day.
"Me too, I hate them, I can't sleep after them, and I feet angry because of that" she said pouting while crossing her arms, looking like she was throwing a tantrum
"You too huh…" I said, we just sat there looking at the wall, our hands still linked, after some time thinking I gave up on finding a solution to our problem.
"What do we do?" I asked her
"I think I got an idea" she motioned me to lie down with her, seeing each other, I was waiting for something to happen, she pressed her forehead with mine still looking at me in the eyes
"Goodnight" she whispered to me and closed her eyes, I just watched her dumbfounded, That was it? I was going to yell at her but seeing her already lost in the world of dreams I decided against it, so I just decided to follow her example, as soon as I closed my eyes I felt warm… a different kind of warm, my whole body relaxed, It was like magic, the last thing I saw were our hands still together.
The next morning I woke up alone, not remembering a thing, only the feeling that I slept like a baby for the first time in a long time…
…
"Heya teach!" Claude greeted at the distance
"Professor good to see you" said Hilda with her usual smile.
"Uh?" I woke up from my daydream, I was at the rooftop of a tower near the church, taking a break from my duties, being promoted from a general of the alliance to literally the king of Fondlan was something I didn't really expect in my career path but I had to do it. Why do you ask?
Because of this troublesome duo. I didn't really want the job, but somehow these two find a way to me accept it while they escaped who knows where after the war, I was alone like for a year until out of nowhere I received an invitation from Almyra to discuss a peace treaty with them which I accept it. I didn't want another war, the scars of the last one were deep and they will take years of heal, It was a good opportunity for a new start.
What I didn't expect when I had to receive the new king and queen of Almyra was to see both of my students who I didn't see for a year as rulers. The meeting was professional, It didn't take too long, the rules of the treaty were just. As soon as we dismissed everyone, they told me how everything was all part of their scheme that BOTH of them planned after the end of the war. When I asked WHY they didn't tell me anything about it, they just said
"It's payback for locking us in one of the rooms during the end of the war party"
Why did I do that? Well, it wasn't my fault that they hadn't confessed to each other until that day… Sothis 'shipped' them since the academy days, I had to do something, It was literally a goddess decree... Besides It worked, the next day they were holding hands and flirting freely at lunch… But well, looks like they don't like to be pranked.
But back to the present
"Oh, what's the honor of having the presence of the king and queen of Almyra" I bowed in a mocking way which caused both of them to snort
"The honors it ours, oh great king of Fodlan" said Claude in his 'Seteth' voice, both of them bowed at me in mocking way, the three of ours laughed, in private was always like this, both were my closest friends, don't get me wrong I was closed with all the golden deers but they were something with these two that was different
"So what can I do for you two, did you pranked the council of Almyra again?"
"Yes… I mean… nooooo, what makes you say that?" said Hilda trying to look innocent, she had the council at her hands, using the same techniques that she used with boys at the academy, only myself and Claude were immune to that…
"Please don't cause another war" I said with a long sigh
"Hey teach, don't worry, we got everything under control, we just came to check on you" said Claude with a huge smile
"You heard my heated discussion with my council, right?" I looked at them both of them opened their eyes in surprise, I knew they didn't come here just to chat, they were worried about me.
"We can't hide you anything, huh?" said Hilda "We heard that you had a heated discussion with the council because they feel you need an heir and a Queen…"
"And you basically told them to go fuck themselves in a polite manner... " continued Claude "And since then, you are taking breaks more frequently than before… Marianne and Lorenz told us because they were worried about you."
"Sorry for making you worried… It just I won't marry someone that I don't love" I sighed "And I already found her" I said while taking my fathers ring from my pocket "I just can't say it to her anymore" I didn't have the opportunity to say anything to her after the merge, my feelings only got worse after having my childhood memories back, I can't think of having this bond with another person, and It's for the better, I promised myself that I will wait to see her again, to say those words that I wanted to say, meanwhile I will do my best to help this land, her home.
"The goddess that was in your head, Sothis, right?" asked Hilda, probably Claude told her about Sothis
"Yeah" I said dryly
"We understand teach, you told me how she saved our asses a lot in the academy days with her power, If it wasn't for her neither of us will be here enjoying this life. I mean it was strange for just a regular mercenary to know when the enemy was going to ambush and how to counter every strategy they threw at us" said Claude while putting a hand on my shoulder
"Yeah, and she is part of the reason we are married now. We came here to support you, actually, we have a proposition to ease the council worries, just leave it to your favorite troublesome duo" said Hilda puffing her chest proudly.
I chuckled, well If the found a way to ease the council It will probably work
"Thank you, really, It puts me at ease knowing I have your support" I said with a gentle smile both of them smiled back
"Group hug?" asked Claude
"Group hug" I answer back
After the war my days have been brighter, I had great friends, our home is at peace, everything is improving at a good pace, the only thing missing is her…
If only…
"To be killed by these monkeys…" with the last breath, Thales was finally killed
I retrieved my silver sword from the body, rain not stopping from falling down, thunders still raging in the sky… It was over.
I let to the weight of my body guide me to the ground, I laid there seeing the gray clouds, a felt a small smile forming on my face, my breathing was still fast and irregular, a chuckle slowly transforms in a whimper. It was the end of a long war, of a long battle, I finally ended it.
I finally avenged her…
I finally killed the responsible for her death, the ones behind the deaths of El's siblings, the ones that caused Rhea madness. The ones who killed my father… But what did It take?
'Everything' I said to himself.
I… I had killed so many, friends, students, allies, villains, traitors all for this path, a path of freedom of the shackles of the past, a path forged by blood and sacrifices, I had killed in the name of freedom in the name of my students, in the name of my friends. I wonder, what would she be doing now? Will she be happy that I finally ended the ones responsible for the genocide of her people, at peace because I will no longer be in danger or in the temptation of doing something reckless? would she be worried about his future…
Would she be angry that I killed her children?
There wasn't any other way, they were with the enemy, I tried to only incapacitate them but even so, they still fought until the last breath, Flayn died due to magic overuse healing herself to continue fighting, Seteth after Flayn's dead died at the end of a throwing axe he didn't notice It was coming for his head because he was drowning in rage and sorrow, and Rhea… She died at my hand, I had to, she was consumed by madness, sacrificing the very people she promised to protect, the very same people her mother protected a long time ago.
"I'm sorry Sothis, please forgive me" I whispered to myself, feeling a great amount of guilt. We knew the truth while investigating an abandoned base of the Agarthans, they had a library there with all the truth about Sothis, Seteth, and Rhea. I discovered the awful sin I committed to the people she cared the most…
"If you have to weep, weep, I'm here for you, take all the time of the world, I will be next to you"
Memories of her invaded my mind
"Our souls will be one, don't worry I will be here but we won't talk like this anymore…"
Tears didn't stop. I knew she wasn't there anymore when Rhea was killed, something in me died with it too. I knew exactly what it was…
"My teacher!" El appeared next to me, trying to sit up, her hair was drenched, she took hold of my face looking at me with her violet eyes, looking at a man who was finally able to weep, she immediately embraced me, whispering promises of how everything will be alright.
She had been my friend, my partner in crime, my only family left… If someone knew about lost, it was her. I returned the hug, holding her like a lifeline, both of us knew the path we had walked, the sins we had committed in name of the freedom, but all it was for this moment, to finally give peace to the people of this land, to free them from the enslavement of the past.
"It will be okay my teacher, now it's time to build, build bonds, build happy memories, build a home for those who need it, built smile in those who lost all hope" said El brushing my hair, trying to comfort me even more "And we will do this together with everyone, as family…" The day she let me call her El, we both agreed to be family, we would share everything, our worries, our happiness, our doubts, because we no longer wanted to be alone, we wanted someone to grieve together and confide everything that were inside of our hearts. As brother and sister in arms to save the world. She agreed on those terms, she said that It was because I was her anchor, her guide in this world, the one who didn't let her drown in the madness of her path, that I was her everything…
She told me that she knew that I will find closure, also that I needed to grieve. I had told her of the bond I had with my old friend, the one that caused my transformation against Solon. I told her how during the months of being her teacher, my friend helped me teaching them, how we did almost everything together, how we were a team, who could take the world, doing almost everything together…
How I never told her that I loved presence.
"Come my teacher our friends await us" she lift me up, taking me with the rest of the Black Eagles, my students, my friends were waiting for me to finally enjoy the so hard-fought peace together while walking I went over El's words, there was truth in them, we now had a future we had to build, people that we needed to save, I still had El with me, together with my students will create a new dawn for Fodlan, a new life for them, a place where she would be glad to live, I smiled bittersweetly, a final thought invaded my mind…
If only…
"I'm wondering If you could have a physical body what would be the first thing you will do?" I asked her while grading tests. It was a pastime of us while I tried to decipher some answers from my students. It was really late and I needed something to distract himself, so I would usually ask something to my ghostly companion.
"Mhmm" she thought deeply on her answer "I will flick you forehead… yes definitely." she said satisfied with her answer
"Why?" I asked surprised by her simple answer
"Because you are an idiot. A stupid reckless idiot, you have put yourself in danger a lot of times for your little ones, getting flesh wounds and bruises all over your body for them, even dying for them. I know that you have my powers but still... " she didn't continue the thought "and yelling at you for your recklessness is not enough, I think flicking your forehead will be a good punishment for you" she explained crossing her arms while looking away from me, great, she was angry at me now.
"So, you care about me" A smirk formed on my face, I didn't expect that reasoning from her, both of us had our differences, we would usually argue over little things, but I would lie If I said that her company was bothersome, in fact, it was pleasant to have someone to talk about all of this craziness of life that I had these past months.
A blush formed on her face, did ghosts could blush? "Of course not… I'm worried because we share a body, If you die I die, so what happens to your body It's important and I like being somewhat alive, thank you very much… Besides It's not like I like you or anything…"
Ah there she was, It amused me her 'I care for you a lot but I will never let you know' act, I learned to play along with it otherwise it will be hours of denying it. I let out a chuckle causing her to glare me. "Of course and those times I found my room clean and the homework graded after I went fishing It's because you hate me so much that you want me to feel useless, right?" I asked in mocking way, causing her to take a step back with an even redder blush on her face, sometimes, when she was concentrated hard enough she could touch non-living objects but It took a lot of her energy to do that, It was... nice that she put so much effort to help me.
She tried to retort but nothing came from her mouth, I just shrugged it off continue grading my students' exams knowing that I won this round, the room was in complete silence for ten minutes, I could feel her eyes on my back, probably checking that If I did something wrong to scold me. I decided It was enough for the night and put the exams to the side of the table and readied myself to go to bed.
"There's something else I want to do" she said while I put my pajamas.
"Oh, what is it?" I asked really curious.
"I want to dance with you" she said in a demanding tone while crossing her arms
"Why?" I asked dumbfounded, that was really unexpected of her
"I think I love to dance, seeing how you practice with your student for that dance competition my body felt like It was itching to do it too like It was something that I did long ago. Something that brought happiness to my life. Dancing is an activity for two and you are the only I know. I just, maybe, will help me to bring my memories back? I want to try but… you know no physical body and all…" she said with a sad smile, I didn't like that expression on her face, she seemed distant like she will disappear. I closed the distance between us and put a hand near her waist as If I was touching her while I extended the other inviting her to take it.
"What are you doing?" she said surprised by my action
"Inviting you to dance, what else?" I said with my classic deadpan look
"But I can't touch you!" she complained
"So? you can still move, we move together, come on we don't have all night" I insisted her to take my hand
"Why are you doing this?" she said doubting my intentions
"Just take it as a token of thanks for all your help during these months" I didn't say it at the time but I would have gone crazy If it wasn't for her. She looked again at my hand and in a slow-motion put her near it as If they were touching
"Fine" she sighed "just because It will be fun seeing you dance with your two left feet" she giggled, well at least her humor improved, with an invisible smile on my face I started to hum the same song that I used earlier to practice for the white heron cup. She too hummed with me.
At first, It was a mess, we were out of sync, I was scolded for who knows of many times by her, she sometimes went through some furniture by accident which was funny to watch half of her trying to turn near my desktop. After 10 minutes we found our pace, both of us were surprised when it happened, we didn't miss the chance, with every step our smiles grew wider, our eyes meet, both of us saw each other dumb smile, we were daring by the minute, making turns, increasing the pace…
She started to laugh heartily, that was the first time I saw her so happy, such an innocent smile, she definitely loved dancing, It was a part of her, I was mesmerized by the way she smiled, the way she moved, how free she looked. I wanted to see this side of her more, I could swear that I could feel her hand on mine, we stopped humming, just following the music in our soul. When I recovered my senses, I noticed in the position we were in.
She left herself fall, I somehow caught her with my hand on her back, our faces were close, really close, I swear I could feel her breath, our eyes were looked at each other, I could see a blush on her face, I probably had one too, we didn't say anything.
now I wish I had said anything to her at that moment.
"I think we should go to sleep" she broke the silence, take me back to reality, I coughed awkwardly
"Yes, It's very late… I Uhm… goodnight Sothis" I quickly went to my bed not looking back to her, the atmosphere was really awkward, I mean our relationship before that day was only of
camaraderie, we were at each other throats most of the time, bickering whenever she feels like it, but just what happen now, we were so close too… no bad Byleth, don't go there, she is just something close to a friend, just that…
"Byleth?" she interrupted my thoughts
"Yes?" I asked already tucked on my bed
"Thank you, I hope we can do it again some other day" she said with an honest smile, green eyes glowing with the light of the moon and candles.
"Sure maybe after our monthly mission" I said with a small smile on my face.
"Goodnight" she said with a smile disappearing to her throne in who knows where.
What we didn't know is that everything went downhill from there
…
I woke up again from my nap, how many years passed? one, five, ten years? well not that It matters, all my students are dead now. Merging with Sothis somehow gave me her lifespan. I've lived centuries now, I saw the sons of my students grow and die, I helped to build Fodlan from the ashes as their king, years passing, my appearance didn't change much. After I saw that Fodlan would be fine without me, I disappeared with Seteth and Flayn from the map not before leaving someone capable to take the reins of the continent.
Don't get me wrong I love Seteth and Flayn as a family but I was a man with a lot of regrets, regrets that I know they won't understand. I lost so many students in war, only eight students of all of them survived the war, even with her power I couldn't save them.
I couldn't save Claude
I couldn't save Dimitri
I couldn't save Edelgard
I couldn't make her come back to us…
Everything burned and I wasn't able to change it, I didn't have any important bonds now, I preferred to take naps now. When I napped I could see them again, I could relieve happy memories again, I could change the outcomes of everything. I could watch a world were she was real, where I could dance with her for hours smiling like little kids, where I could hug the three leaders as if we were a family, where I formed a family, kids running around the monastery smiling without care of the world. But when I woke up from them I could only see regrets, blood, death, guilt, my mind didn't stop thinking about what if's.
If only I could prevent this,
If only I could save them,
If only she was here…
So between reality and the world of dreams, I prefer the latter, I could feel drowsiness invading my body again, I think I understand why she always took so many naps, what regrets would she have? what things she wished to do better? maybe I should ask her later, I think this nap won't end, I wish it not to end, a last thought invaded my mind before going to sleep forever.
If only…
If only I could see you again.