Twenty Two

Something was wrong.

Kylo Ren was embroiled in battle, his body zinging with the Force, the power surging and guiding his every move and yet, there was a nagging sense of dislocation. He pushed it back as he swirled, lunging to impale another body on his lightsaber, his left hand swinging round to brutally smash another two against the iron-hard trunks of the Mustafan forest. The warm breeze swirled around him as he dived away, slashing in a wide arc that bisected an unfortunate who was trying to flank the former Supreme Leader. The familiar tang of sulphur mingled with the sweet scents of charred flesh and plastic and the coppery tang of blood as he paused, the lightsaber held rigidly in front of his tense body. The brilliant blue blade washed his blood-splattered features pallid, his eyes dark with rage. Sweat stuck tendrils of his raven hair against his forehead and cheeks as he breathed hard, preparing to repel the next assault.

The stormtroopers were surging at him, their ranks tight and coordination perfect, as was to be expected from the trained men and women of the First Order and he felt their determination, seasoned with fear and uncertainty, through the Force. Brow furrowing as the next wave came at him, he only had time to twist his lightsaber to deflect the half dozen blaster bolts thrown at him. He could catch them, of course, but that required a lot of power and discipline that could weaken him when he was surrounded by so many foes…

Stormtroopers? Foes?

He blinked and almost stopped until a blaster bolt grazed his side. Roaring in fury, he extended his hand, fingers splayed before he drew them into a vicious, deliberate fist that had the man who had shot Kylo Ren screaming as his throat was crushed. The blaster fire on his form intensified and it was all he could to to deflect it with the saber and his hand, feeling every impact as if on his mind.

He flinched as a volley of blasters sounded from behind him, the wielders cutting down the stormtroopers who were attacking him. Hunkered down, he could sense seven people and one droid, ranged behind cover and firing steadily against the stormtroopers.

Resistance! They must be Resistance! So why were they helping him?

Why were the stormtroopers trying to kill him?

And then the fog thinned, the blanket of blood lust and cruelty lifting a little to enable him to think rationally. To recall a pair of hazel eyes, liberally flecked with green, a smile that lit a beautiful face, chestnut hair swept into those three buns…

Rey.

How could he forget?

He flinched and felt a cold surge wash through him. Instinctively, he knew it was from the Sith Holocron tucked in his belt but the same instincts had him ducking and parrying another volley of blaster fire, grimacing as he felt another twenty troopers approaching. And then a ferocious volley of blasters fired from behind him, cutting down the front rank.

"Ben!" Rose's voice cut through the sounds of battle and he spun, his eyes locking in her face. Idly, he deflected a shot that was aiming close as the others-Finn, Poe, Chewie, Zorii, Jannah and Beau-all fired at the stormtroopers. "We're not going without you!"

He blinked, the Darkness swirling around him. The Darkness that was his friend, his blanket, his comfort through every failure and success, through pain and loneliness and rejection. The Darkness that had cost him the lives of his parents, his Uncle, his fellow padawans, his Rey…

A surge of memory chased the darkness away. Rey. Talking to her. Seeing her frown and cry and smile. Feeling her bravery, her defiance, her pain, her trust, her l…

"I'm not here to die," he ground out, fighting the Darkness with all his strength. He could feel the hold slipping and the anger ebbing, leaving him exhausted. Jannah threw a couple of grenades and in the ensuing blasts, amid the smoke and dust that Ben stirred up using the Force, everyone ran for the Falcon. Every step was dogged by whispers and hisses: Snoke, Palpatine, Vader and even some voices he had never heard before. A huge part of him wanted to ditch the Holcron, knowing it was trying to seduce him, draw him back to the Dark and undo everything he had sacrificed so much to achieve.

Rey. Rey was the reason why he was here, why he was risking all he had left. For her.

Because some debts could never be repaid.

Poe and Chewie had accelerated ahead while the others intermittently fired to cover their escape, still making fast progress. Stumbling, his side aching and feeling the dampness of blood seeping into his tunic from that and his other wounds, he almost stumbled and fell but he found Finn grabbing his arm, hauling him up and he nodded in acknowledgement. Then, up ahead-much closer than it had been, the Falcon was haphazardly landed on a slope, the ramp down with Poe already visible in the cockpit, prepping for their escape. Then his head snapped round as he heard the stormtroopers approaching and he lingered on the ramp, the lightsaber clipped to his belt by the Holocron, his hands raised, palms forward as he deflected the increasing hail of blasts away until the rising howl of the engines signalled the departure.

His hand found the control and the ramp raised, hiding the view of the ravaged planet of Mustafar. They were already lurching upwards as his knees buckled, his hand pressing against his side.

"Hang on!" Poe yelled. "This is going to be bumpy." As if to prove him right, the Millennium Falcon jolted sideways as the sounds of explosions sounded.

"What was that?" Rose shouted.

"Nothing. Just a couple of TIE fighters," Poe shouted back, his brow furrowed as he wrenched the freighter into a spiral as they accelerated away from the planet. Proximity sensors were beeping furiously as the fighters clustered around the Falcon, strafing her. Zorii and Finn had taken the guns and were firing back spiritedly while the others hung on. Tamini emerged from her cabin to see the others try to strap themselves in and her irritated gaze alighted on the drooping shape of Ben, his blood-stained hand pressed to the wound on his side. Uttering a curse, she scuttled forward and pushed him onto the seats by the chess table, muttering in her own language.

"You! Always injured, never managing to do any mission without taking ridiculous risks," she scolded him and his eyes snapped wide in shock.

"I'm used to being supported by as many First Order stormtroopers as I need, not having to fight them every kriffing step of the way," he retorted. "And I have the Force."

"Not enough," she told him, pushing his hand away and peering at the wound. The blaster shot had tagged him, the wound wide but not life-threateningly deep. She tutted and peered into her bag, sloshing a slimy purple liquid onto the gaping defect.

"OW!" he protested. The stuff had stung like acid, the flesh bubbling under the liquid. She scowled.

"Quit whining," she told him brusquely.

"You know, your bedside manner needs some work," he snarked, feeling the anger rise again but he pushed it down. The ship flipped and automatically, he grabbed her and stabilised her. Her eyes flicked up to look into his face.

"At least you have manners," she told him shortly.

"I think you may be in the minority in thinking that," he reminded her.

"I think you were brought up well though recent actions not so good," she shot back. "But deeds speak louder than words." She slathered a greenish gloop on the wound and then slapped a Bacta patch over the defect. Quietly, she looked into his eyes. "That will do for now," she murmured and turned to his other injuries. "But you don't care to be made right."

"No, no I don't,' he muttered as she shook her head.

"Death is not the answer," she told him quietly.

"Sometimes, it is the only price that's high enough," he replied. "Thank you." Wordlessly, she continued dressing his other wounds-basic patching with Bacta rather than bothering with any more sophisticated means-before she turned away as the ship jolted heavily. He could hear the guns firing and sensed the explosions outside, the lives of TIE pilots ending and a sense of fury and frustration at his helplessness enfolded him. He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order, for kriff's sake! He was master of his destiny; a pilot who led attacks with absolute ruthlessness and had found Exegol; a man who was always on the front line of the battle, striking terror into the hearts of his foes and who was always decisive and in command of any situation. But here, he was dependent on the actions of others for his life: it was infuriating.

Abruptly, he scrambled up and staggered along the jolting passageway to the cockpit, almost falling into the seat behind Poe.

"Your buddy, Hugs, must really want a reunion," Poe grunted as he threw the Falcon into a dive.

"Not mutual," Ben growled, hanging on.

"What is it between the two of you?" Poe persisted, his eyes on the battle that surrounded them.

"Really? You wanna discuss this now?" Ben growled.

"What better time?" Poe asked him, his tone serious as they dodged another couple of TIEs that tried to flank them. Ben suddenly grimaced.

"BANK! NOW!" he yelled.

"What…?"

"NOW!" Unconsciously, he overlaid the words with Force compulsion and Poe jammed the Falcon into a starboard roll, the blasts from the Eliminator's ventral cannons missing the freighter by whiskers. Poe blinked and then zigzagged them between their attackers.

"What was that?" he asked in a strange voice. Ben stared and reran what had happened. His eyes narrowed.

"I needed to save our lives," he said bluntly. "And you weren't listening." Poe visibly tensed and flipped the Falcon, allowing Finn and Zorii to clear them enough of a path. Instantly, he slammed the lever forward and the ship jumped to lightspeed. And then he glanced over to Chewie, who gave a small yowl. In a moment, Poe was on his feet, grabbing Ben and hauling the larger man into the corridor. Immediately, he had his blaster jammed into Ben's throat.

"Don't you EVER go pulling that stunt on me again!" he hissed, his eyes dark with rage. "I have done everything I could to try to trust you, to give you the benefit of the doubt but just when I think I'm figuring you out, when I think maybe Rey was right…you manage to prove me wrong. You show you're still Kylo Ren, still the man who invades minds and murders innocent unarmed villagers on a whim! And I still wonder if I shouldn't just have shot you when you were brought back to the base!"

"That may have been the wisest thing to consider," Ben said, his teeth gritted. The damned Sith Holocron was still attached to his belt, the voices whispering into his mind. A part of him craved the familiarity of the voices, hissing poison, murmuring reassurances, whispering seductive propaganda that he had heard for all but the last year of his life.

Kill him. Crush his throat. He wants to kill you, to stop the plan. If you don't kill him, he will kill you first…

"What does Hugs want?" Poe hissed.

"Me," Ben replied, pushing the voices back. Remember Rey. Only Rey. "He wants me."

"Why?" The muzzle of the blaster dug deeper into his throat.

"We were rivals, servants of the Supreme Leader. Hux killed his father to advance his own position. I was Snoke's pet and apprentice. Snoke treated us both badly. Hux revelled in his power, always ambitious, always eyeing the throne. Hatred was mutual. I despised him as much as he despised me. When I killed Snoke, I took the throne."

"Wait…you killed Snoke? I thought…the First Order…Rey…" Ben took a slow breath.

"I told Hux that she had killed Snoke. It was necessary because had I admitted I had done the deed, the entire First Order would have turned on me before I could have consolidated my power. With Rey the culprit and Hux cowed-temporarily-the First Order could focus on eliminating the Resistance and avenging their Supreme Leader."

"Coward." The tone was brutal, the blaster still uncomfortably jabbing his throat.

"Strategist," Ben murmured. "I had asked Rey to join me. She rejected me, rejected my vision of ruling the Galaxy with her at my side. I disappointed her because she risked everything to try to turn me. I wasn't ready then, though I killed Snoke for her. I did it to save her life. I could never kill her-and if I didn't, Snoke would have destroyed me. It was the only way. So without her, the power was all I had left. But Hux suspected…I think he remotely accessed the Throne Room cameras before I erased them. He was plotting against me. I did everything I could to render him an insignificant underling but I guess he had his own plans, his own strategy."

"He was our spy," Poe confirmed, pulling the blaster back an inch though not reholstering it. "All to get his revenge on you." Ben sighed.

"The Holocron is dangerous," he explained. "It whispers to me, tries to pull me back to the Darkness. But I have to open it, read the data because I have to get Rey back. But please…watch me. Carefully. Because I worry I will lose everything if I slip." Poe stared into his dark eyes and nodded curtly, accepting the words. He holstered his blaster brusquely and turned away, then spun back and punched Ben. Stumbling back against the metal wall, the taller man grimaced and took a deep breath. "I guess I deserved that."

"You pull anything like that again-on me or anyone else-and I'll kill you without hesitation!" Poe growled and stalked away. Ben sighed-and then his eyes widened. Rey was standing opposite him and folded her arms as she appraised him thoughtfully.

"What happened?" she asked. He moved his jaw slightly and winced.

"I saved our lives," he commented.

"And…"

"I used the Force to make Poe steer us out of danger," he admitted. She rolled her eyes.

"Good move," she told him sarcastically. "Poe. Whose mine you basically ransacked previously when you had him prisoner-and who really hasn't forgiven you. Do you have a complete death wish?" He gave a small, chagrinned smile.

"Probably," he admitted. "I seem to have spent the entire time since you gave me back my life on Kef Bir trying to get killed." Her expression softened and she walked forward, resting her hand on his clenched fist.

"Ben? Talk to me," she pleaded, her eyes wide with concern. He forced his hand to relax.

"Rey…this isn't simple and it isn't going to be easy," he confessed. She stared up into his face, eyes wide and concerned.

"Ben," she whispered. "Tell me."

"I lost control," he said in a low voice, his tone rough. "I…allowed myself to become him again. In battle. I killed…so many…" He was breathing hard and she gently pulled his face onto her shoulder, feeling his arms wrap around her. His body was shaking and for a brief moment, he felt safe. Her arms tightened around him.

"You fought them alone to protect my friends," she whispered, reading the images on his mind. "There was no option, Ben. You were the only one who could fight so many and survive."

"They should have left me," he told her, his voice muffled.

"That's not who they are," she reminded him. "That's not who I am. We fought for what is right. What we believe in. We fight for what we love." He gave a choking laugh against her shoulder and slowly raised his head.

"Rey…" His voice was hoarse. "I…"

"Ben…you're my closest friend," she told him simply. His eyes widened in shock. "You know things about me that I literally have told no one else."

"Not that you shared willingly," he reminded her, a hint of self-loathing entering his voice.

"Not that you were always kind," she conceded, her eyes inspecting his features, "Not that you were always open to making good choices…"

"They were what I believed were right," he explained. "But you are right."

"You didn't forge the bond between us, Ben," she told him sternly, her hand gentling his cheek. "But somehow, the Force decided that we were destined to be joined as a Dyad. That our souls are linked. And part of that was getting to know you. Not just as Kylo Ren, but as Ben." He grimaced.

"Sorry," he mouthed but she frowned slightly.

"And I do know all of you. I have felt your soul. So I know the Darkness you have fought, have lived with throughout your life. I know of your loneliness, your guilt, the rejection you experienced, your insecurity and misery and anger. I have felt the fury running through you, the temper you couldn't master as Kylo Ren because that was who Snoke wanted you to be. Unbalanced. Conflicted. Easy to rule." He glared at her but she allowed her lips to lift in a small smile. "But I also felt what was inside. Your bravery. Your determination. Your compassion to me. Your love for Leia. Your grief and sorrow at your actions. Your guilt at your crimes. Your capacity to change, to make amends."

"I'm a monster," he breathed.

"You're human," she told him. "You made terrible choices after being groomed since you were a small child and abandoned by everyone who should have supported and protected you."

"You have to grant me some of my own agency," he told her softly. "I wasn't a passive victim of my own life. I knew right from wrong. I made a choice when I left the ruins of the Temple. I chose Snoke-partly because I didn't believe I could ever return home, that my parents would never believe my story. I didn't kill all the other padawans but I was blamed. So it was partly fear and partly anger that made me choose him. But I could have chosen not to. I was seduced by his pitch and I wanted so much to believe in his vision. I wanted to be wanted, to be treated as special, to have power and complete the work of my grandfather. And I hardened my heart to the evils I was committing because if I didn't, I would have been useless to him. I could have run, I guess. And every time I killed or hurt another, I revelled in the power. I filtered out the screams, the pain. And I knew there were times when I could have escaped. He would've followed but if I had wanted, I could have cut myself off from the Force-as you said Luke did. It was only you-your unshakeable belief and your incandescent light and the way you challenged me as no one else could. Even when we fought, we sparred verbally. You never backed down. You never gave ground. And you believed in me. Your belief was so strong you risked your life and came to me. And I could have stood back and let Snoke kill you…but I couldn't."

"You saved my life," she whispered.

"And I will do it again," he promised, his voice low as he stared into her eyes. "Believe me, Rey. I won't fail. I promise."

"I know," she breathed. Tentatively, he touched her cheek.

"This will be dangerous," he warned her. "And whatever happens, you have to react. You have to protect yourself."

"Ben, I trust you," she told him honestly. "You came back for me on Exegol."

"Don't," he whispered. "Whatever happens, be ready to fight for your existence. Against whoever is there. Please…"

"You will be there," she told him.

"Anyone," he repeated.

"Ben," she breathed. "You know I love you? You know you are my soul mate? You know I will never leave you?"

You already did-though you had no say in the matter.

"When I awoke and you were gone, I had never felt so alone," he told her.

"You're not alone," she told him. "I am always with you, Ben. Always."

"Neither are you-and I will bring you back," he promised as she faded. He stared at the space where she had been and hated himself for not having the courage to speak the words to her. "I love you."

"Ben?" Rose was standing a few feet further on, her eyes wide and face ashen. "Was that…Rey?" He nodded.

"Yeah…"

"I saw her," she breathed. He frowned and then realised they were touching. Then he nodded.

"Yeah," he said again. "When we touch, we interact with the real world at the other end of the Bond…and as she's…nowhere…that would be here."

"I heard her," Rose said quietly. He stiffened and felt his cheeks heating.

"How much?"

"The I love you bit," she revealed. He sighed. "From both of you." He turned away and shook his head.

"It doesn't matter," he told her quietly. "There is no way that we would ever be allowed to live in peace, even if I succeeded. Whatever Kylo Ren did, he killed our chances of being together. Killed Ben Solo's chances of ever being redeemed." Then he limped away, head down and vanished into his cabin. The young woman stared at him and resolve crystallised within her.

If there was any way to grant Rey and Ben the peace and chance at happiness they deserved, Rose would do everything in her power to make sure it happened.