Twenty Three

He could sense they were approaching Dathomir, the sense of the place dark and powerful enough to rouse him from his scrutiny of the Holocron in his quarters. He had been holed up for almost the entire journey from Mustafar, hiding from the others and from his misdeeds. He knew that everyone had questions for him-whether hostile, like Poe and Zorii, or more concerned like Rose and maybe Finn. But he had no mind to answer them, no heart either-for everything he had was being marshalled in resisting the siren call of the Holocron and in preparing for the inevitable to come.

Hunched forward, the sickly yellow light of the Holocron reflecting on his features and emphasising the deep shadows under his dark eyes and the exhaustion on his face, he ran his fingers through his raven hair. He hadn't slept, guilt and desperation driving him on along with a fear that if he slept and his guards dropped, he would be vulnerable to the incessant whispers of the Holcron. So he hunched over a screen, skating through the intelligence and finding what he needed. But as he read through the conditions, he felt his heart sink. He had never expected the process of resurrecting Rey, of plucking her spirit back from the Force to be difficult but what he had read made his blood run cold and he knew…he knew that this was the Universe's final way of repaying him.

But I owe her. I let her die. No…I let her expend her energy saving me and then I couldn't return the favour when she was killed by the effort of slaying the Emperor and saving us all. And I love her.

Kriff. She called me her best friend. She's someone who is so full of light, so full of life-even though she's dead-and she has wonderful, loyal friends who are even willing to help me if it offers a chance to bring her back. And yet she calls me her best friend.

I don't deserve her. I never did. But I certainly don't now.

But I have to. I have to accept the sacrifice because I will never have any rest, any peace anyway. At least my life can mean something now.

He sat back and closed down the screen. The words were imprinted in his brain and he just wanted to try to meditate, to focus his energies for this one, final task. Somewhere, just beyond the veil of sight, Rey was waiting in the Force, hovering close to her body which had been taken by the Dark forces that wanted to use her to be reborn. They knew that she deserved life and that he would cross the Galaxy to rescue her. He could sense Hux's ship, closing on their position, his mind petty and venal and bright with hatred. And he could feel the strands of his life, pulling tighter and tighter around him until it almost felt that he was suffocating.

He closed his eyes.

Sleep was overrated.

Sleep was for the dead.

-o0o-

Rose hadn't slept well either-because there was a sense of foreboding that was nagging her. Ren-or Ben as she was now thinking of him-had implied that the process to get Rey back wouldn't be easy or safe and she found herself wondering what it would actually involve. A nagging voice warned her that Poe would be less than receptive, since he had been in a very strange mood since the escape from Mustafar. And what she had overheard of Ben and Rey talking-how improbable was that?-convinced her that the two were in love. She groaned.

How could she convince anyone who hadn't witnessed that tender conversation that Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order and genocidal monster, was in love with Rey, the Last Jedi and would do anything to rescue her? Even from death.

She sat up and ran her hands over her face. Finn was one hope because he had been convinced by the man. But Poe was still wavering and Zorii, Jannah and Beau were unconvinced. Chewbacca…well, the Wookiee seemed to have forgiven Ben for his horrible deeds, including murdering his own father, Chewie's closest friend but how would he react to Ben's plan?

Whatever it was.

Realising that sleep would evade her for now, she got up, freshened up and wandered to the tiny kitchen to get what passed for caff, then she slowly made her way to the crew area, finding Finn dozing at the table. Quietly, she sat down but his eyes snapped open and he looked up, blinking owlishly. She smiled.

"Sorry," she murmured then pushed her cup towards him. "I think you need this more than I do." But he pushed it back and stretched.

"I can get my own," he reassured her, yawning again. "Trouble sleeping?" She nodded as he got up and sped off to fetch his own drink. She sipped the steaming liquid, waiting until he returned with his own mug, handing her a protein bar then starting one of his own.

"More like…too much on my mind," she murmured. Finn sighed.

"Poe's furious," he revealed. "You heard what he said? That Ren used the Force to make him move the Falcon away from danger?" Rose sipped her caff again.

"Sounds like he saved the ship," she commented.

"By abusing Poe!" Finn reminded her sternly. "We're supposed to be better than that."

"I know," she murmured, her eyes drifting in the direction of Ben's cabin. As she watched, a porg waddled down the corridor. Somehow, the ship was still infested with the fat noisy birds from Ahch-To and Rose wondered if Chewie really minded that much. She put her cup slowly down.

"Finn," she murmured. "Do you think he will still help get Rey back?" His eyes widened.

"I don't know," he confessed. "He's torn. He wants to help Rey because he is her friend and she gave everything to end the war and the Emperor. And because getting her back would make it feel so much more like a victory. But if it means making himself vulnerable to Ren…I'm not sure he can trust him. Not now."

"If it's any consolation, I think he didn't mean it," Rose murmured. "It was…a mistake."

"A mistake is putting on the wrong socks, not taking over someone's mind!" Finn told her sharply.

"He loves Rey-and he wants her back," Rose reminded him and he started.

"How…?"

"I saw them. I saw her," she told him in a low voice.

"What?"

"It's the Bond they have," Rose explained. "He was talking to someone…and then suddenly, he was hugging her. It was private and I didn't mean to eavesdrop but he warned her that it was dangerous, that she would have to fight for her existence-against whatever was there."

"And I meant it," Ben said, emerging with a cup of caff of his own. Rose and Finn stared: he had managed to patch up the black General's tunic he had been given on the Finalizer and the cloak and he looked unnervingly like Kylo Ren once more.

"How?" Finn asked. Ben sighed and sat next to Rose.

"Dathomir is a dangerous place," he said quietly. "For a very long time, it was ruled by the Nightsisters, Force-wielding witches who had immense power but who tended to concentrate on their own affairs."

"I never heard of them," Finn confessed.

"Me neither," Rose added.

"They're all dead now," Ben added. "Killed by General Grievous. There are still rumours of ghosts there. But the Nightsisters possessed magics that could resurrect the dead. The Holocron details some-but not all. However, it says there is a site, high on a plateau where there is an altar. A resurrection alter that the Empire never destroyed. That will be where Rey is. That will be where we have to go. But there is danger-for anyone involved."

"You too?" Finn asked, trying to keep any snarkiness from his voice. Ben nodded, the shadows deep under his eyes.

"Especially me," he sighed. "Nothing is for free. And to bring back a person, to restore life, there is a high price tag. And I have to check that you would be willing to pay what is asked."

"That depends on what you're asking," Poe said coldly, emerging from the cockpit and leaning against the door. "I'm not letting my guard down near you again. Ever." The others slowly joined them, roused by voices and all yawned, stretched and looked variously dishevelled, half asleep or chipper.

"And who you're asking," Beau added. "I wasn't that close to Rey. Maybe saw her a few times…"

"And I only met her on Kef Bir briefly before she ran," Jannah added.

"She was cool," Zorii added. "But my interactions with her were limited as well. Though she was clearly a brave, caring, compassionate warrior who would risk anything to end the First Order." BB-8 gave a stream of frantic beeps and even Ben allowed a watery smile to tilt his lips.

"Then it has to be you three," he said, turning to inspect Poe, Finn and Rose. "You knew her best. You were her friends. And thus you have the most to offer-and to sacrifice."

"What do you mean?" Finn asked suspiciously as Ben sighed.

"The only way to bring her back is to offer life for life," he admitted. "That was what I tried to do on Exegol. I tried to give her my life, all my energy to bring her back when she had died defeating Palpatine. But I wasn't able to do it. Maybe because the Force was unwilling to accept my sacrifice…or it had other plans for me…or more likely, that I am not skilled enough in Force healing because I have been mired in the Dark Side for so long. Healing is a Light Side ability…" He clasped his hands together. "It would have been easier if I could just have given her my life energy and died but here we are."

They all stared at him. There was no sarcasm or dissembling in his voice and Poe found himself frowning.

"Where are we exactly?" he asked shortly.

"There are incantations that must be said over Rey's body, on the altar on Dathomir," he said evenly. "And we must all sacrifice parts of her life to bring her back."

"What exactly do you mean?" Finn demanded rising.

"Finn…" Rose's voice was firm though her face was concerned. Ben stared at the floor.

"You will have to sacrifice your friendship, all your memories of her," he revealed wretchedly. "She will have to give up the thing she loves-me. And I…" He swallowed. "I give up the Light. I say the incantation and then I surrender to the Dark Side. The Bond shatters and I lose everything I sacrificed everything for. My parents, my place in the First Order…everything. But…" He looked up. "I do it gladly because I owe it to her."

"Because you love her," Rose murmured. The others all stared at her. Poe rounded on Ben but he froze as he saw the former Supreme Leader's head down, his cheeks faintly flushed. He shook his head.

"Oh, this is just too crazy," he muttered. "First Order Supreme Leader and the Last Jedi. No one would believe that."

"They might if they watched it for themselves," Rose suddenly suggested and gestured. "BB-8 can record it. He can document everything that happens, from us landing to…whatever the outcome. And it's probably more important because if Ben is right, we won't even know Rey when she returns."

"No," Ben said quietly and to their surprise, his eyes were shining with unshed tears. "And that will hurt her more than anything."

"What…?" Finn asked and then he slumped back in his seat. "Oh."

"What?" Poe asked, frowning.

"Rey spent fifteen years waiting for her family to return," Ben said guiltily. "She eventually accepted that she had been abandoned but it took an enormous effort to let go her hope that they would one day return. She believes that people will always abandon her, that she is somehow unloveable. Yet she has you all as friends…and someone, no matter how wretched or broken, who loves her." He looked up. "But to bring her back, we strip her friends of all memories of those friendships, she loses the reassurance of her love and of the Dyad Bond we share. We will make her feel abandoned and alone. Betrayed. And you…will never know what you have surrendered. But she will. And it will hurt her." Finn flung his arm across his eyes.

"Kriff," he murmured. Rose was shaking her head.

"We can't…" she breathed. "How can we do that to her when she has already given so much…?"

"Then she stays dead," Ben sighed. "And all of this will be for nothing."

"No-you have to find another way!" Finn yelled, jumping to his feet. "You can't make me give her up. She was one of my first friends. My sister. I-I love her as well…" Then he looked over at Rose and then at Poe. "Just not like that," he admitted in a small voice.

"Believe me, I have searched everything on the Holocron, trying to find some way not to do this,' he breathed. "I knew that it would be dangerous-because Snoke's ghost is still here. He's been in the Force, haunting me and waiting for his chance. And he will try to seize Rey's body and live again."

"Which is why we need to be there as well," Finn realised. "In case the wrong person comes through."

"And BB-8 who will know who Rey is-and who may be able to talk some sense into our thick skulls," Poe finally conceded. "You know, for the record, I hate this plan."

"Duly noted," Ben replied with equal sarcasm.

"But in the absence of a sane plan to raise our friend from the dead, this is the only option we have," Poe decided and then he looked at his friends. "But this involves all of you. Those of us who will be going in-and the rest of you who will have to watch over the ship and make sure General Hugs doesn't sneak up on us. We know he's after Ren and from previous experience, he's likely to stumble in at the crucial moment and ruin everything. So can I rely on you all to do this?"

There was a pause.

"You can rely on me, flyboy!" Zorii said first, her voice determined.

"Count me in," Beau added, smiling. "Though I think we've got the hard part, since none of you will remember why the kriff any of you are there!"

"I'm in," Jannah added. Behind them, Chewie gave a yowl, his tone indication he was in for the long haul.

"I'm in," Finn," confirmed.

"And me. Always," Rose added.

BB-8 gave a long stream of excited beeps.

"Thanks, buddy," Poe chuckled. "I'm in." Then he turned his eyes to the last shape. Ben closed his eyes.

"I will give everything including my life to get her back," he promised. They all stared at him and Rose gently rested a hand on his arm.

"I hope it won't come to that," she murmured. He gave her a watery smile.

"I rather think that's exactly what will happen," he said.

-o0o-

They landed on the nearest flat ground close to the plateau that Ben had identified as the place where the altar was sited. The roiling sky was glowering down at the jagged mountains and the dark earth, marred by a continuous twisted spiny thicket of alien vegetation. The Falcon remained prepped to fly and Chewie, Janna, Beau and Zorii stayed on board, on alert. Beau had made a few calls to the Resistance along with Poe before they had set out and the General had appeared smug when he finally joined the party heading up to try to retrieve Rey.

Finn and especially Rose were shocked to see Ben dressed once more as Kylo Ren, the cloak and cowl drawing scowls from Poe as he muttered under his breath before they struck out. Ben was focussed on the way ahead, the thorny vegetation slashing at their legs and ripping at the hem of his cloak. The Sith Holocron and the lightsaber were clipped to his belt and his long legs ate up the ground, leaving the others trailing in his wake with BB-8 faithfully rolling along, determinedly documenting everything that had happened. Lightning speared through the sky, the shifting shadows making the already menacing place seem even more eerie. Rose stuck close to Finn as the plateau rose ahead of them.

"Are you alright?" she murmured as the former stormtrooper's brow furrowed. He paused, then shook his head.

"This place…" he murmured. "I can feel a whispering, shushing in my head."

"The Nightsisters," Ben murmured, jumping over a gulley. He craned his neck to look up the steep slope. "They are all dead-but their ghosts still remain, though few can sense them now." He gave a grim smile. "One of the downsides of being Force sensitive."

"Yeah, it's not all lightsaber battles and lifting rocks," Finn muttered and Ben quietly chuckled.

"Great power, great responsibility," he murmured. "And great risk. Because I can also sense Snoke."

"The former Supreme Leader?" Finn frowned as they began to scale the slope. Ben nodded, stalking steadily on.

"Dead but not gone," he commented, accelerating up the slope. The others trudged after him, glancing around the hostile environment. Rose felt the hairs standing up on the back of her neck as she glanced around.

"Someone is watching us," she murmured.

"I know," Poe muttered, glancing up. "And I'll bet General Hugs has arrived as well."

"The problems just keep piling up," Finn grumbled then glanced ahead. "And I-I'm not sure I can do this." He paused and trudged on for a few steps. "Rey…she's one of my closest friends. And I really don't have that many friends. How-how can I just give up all my memories of her and just forget one of the most important people in my life?" Poe rested a hand on his shoulder as they paused, almost at the top of the plateau.

"I understand," he said. "Since she first showed up at D'Qar, I knew she was someone special. And though I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I did with you, I know she's a great person. She didn't hesitate to do what was needed to save us all on Exegol. So we owe her…to do whatever we have to so that she gets her chance." Offering a few beeps in agreement, the little droid rolled to the top of the plateau and gave an astonished beep. The others quickly joined him to see Ben standing stock-still, his eyes dark with emotion before he ran forward and knelt by a low stone altar on which lay the motionless body of Rey.

-o0o-

A/N: I'm referring to Ben as Ben when he's Light and Kylo Ren when he's Dark.