AN: I have a hard time writing XYZ/YQ stories since their relationship is difficult for me to figure out. It's easy to share XiaoJian's concern about the two of them living together, especially since they never seem to talk about their relationship much. So, my brain came up with this story. The characters are probably out of character, especially XYZ, but I think it's a conversation that XYZ and Yongqi really should have. Besides, in my mind, XYZ is always more thoughtful than people give her credit for.

Worth – Xiao Yan Zi

Xiao Yan Zi was usually not one for introspection; she was much too busy living life and getting into all kinds of trouble. Not that she intended to get into trouble; trouble just always seems to find her. It also just really wasn't something with which she's had much practice. When she was young, she had been much too focused on just surviving life, whether it was running away from abusive masters or just trying to keep warm against the bitter cold BeiJing winters. After she met and was taken in by Liu Qing and Liu Hong, she also gained all the elderly folks and the young children at Da Za Yuan for whom to provide. Though she gained the stability of an odd sort of family, life still wasn't easy. Though she was but a child herself, she had younger children who depended on her for the basic necessities of life. So what if she had to steal? The children could not go hungry. Besides, after she met Zi Wei, she could always leave the worrying and over-analyzing to her sworn sister. Even after she entered the Palace, her practical approach to life did not change. That her spirited behavior gained the Emperor's favor was just more positive reinforcement for her to continue as she always had.

But the day before her wedding, as she sat in the Shu Feng Zhai for a rare moment of quietness and looked around at the familiar surroundings, she found herself remembering all that had happened in the past few years. ZiWei, seeing this uncharacteristic behavior, joined her at the table and asked curiously, "XYZ, what is going on in that crazy mind of yours?"

XYZ sighed and replied, "I was just wondering, after all that has happened, why Yongqi still wants to marry me."

ZiWei blinked and then spoke from the heart, "XYZ, it's a bit late for this question, don't you think? Besides, you've asked something similar before, remember? When he first declared his feelings for you, you kept me up all night with your mutterings about your worth and what he saw in you… I've always wondered, why do you want to marry him?"

XYZ nodded, "Yes I remember. The thing is, he really confuses me, and I don't like being confused. There are so many things to admire about him; his knowledge, his martial arts skills. Most of all, no matter what, he's always been so good to me. You know I grew up without a proper family and to have someone care for me that much, well, I've never experienced anything like it. And for that someone to be someone like him…well…I don't know. Am I worth it? Especially since I know I haven't always appreciated him….Do you know, when we were discussing whether or not to return to the Palace, he said that he would go wherever I wanted, on just one condition."

ZiWei asked curiously, "Oh? And what was that?"

XYZ replied, "That's just it. I thought he would make me promise not to steal anymore persimmons or something like that, but he just wanted said that no matter how angry I got and how much we fought, I could never threaten to leave him again. And, I don't know. I guess I just didn't realize how much he feared losing me until that moment. And I thought he knew that my threats are just words of anger. I don't think I really could just leave. I just can't help but wonder why he's so willing to put up with me. He could have any girl he wants, and yet, he chose me. Why would he do something so stupid?"

ZiWei said thoughfully "I don't think you can call his decision stupid. Illogical perhaps, but certainly not stupid….Yongqi loves you, and love is never really that logical…Do you know, your brother had asked me once, whether I thought you and Yongqi were well-matched. He was worried that the drastic differences between your backgrounds were irreconcilable and would only cause both of you misery. And I didn't quite know what to say. I tried to reassure him, but I think in part I was reassuring myself as well. I'd like to believe that love can conquer all obstacles and that your feelings for each other will allow you two to always make up after any fight. But I must say, over the years, I've had my moments of doubts too. "

XYZ was surprised, "You have?"

ZiWei nodded, "Yes. Every time you two fought, I always saw Yongqi giving in to you. No matter what the cause of the argument, he was always the one to apologize first. You never really seemed to give an inch. I saw Yongqi using so much energy to take care of you, to understand you, and to let you keep your independence, but you never really seemed to care about his concerns. You are my sister, so I was on your side. But he's also my brother and I can understand the struggles he has undergone to be with you. To tell the truth, I worried now and then that someday Yongqi's patience will run out or that you will actually follow through on your threats and leave all of us."

XYZ blinked, "See. If even you worry, what hope do we have? Are we making a mistake, getting married? Can I really live in this guilded cage? You'll be gone and I don't begrudge you your happiness, but I don't know if I can…"

ZiWei took XYZ's hands in her own, "XYZ, is Yongqi worth it?"

Without hesitation, XYZ nodded, "Yes. He is. But ZiWei, am I?"

ZiWei asked wonderingly, "I never thought you liked such deep introspection."

XYZ sighed, "I'm usually not, but…I can't help it. I've avoided thinking about it, but now with everything happening so fast, I can't help but worry… Goodness, I'm turning into you!"

ZiWei chuckled but said seriously, "XYZ. If you feel this unsettled, you should talk to Yongqi. I think you two are similar in that you both project self-confidence to the world, but in reality, you're both worried about your worth to each other."

XYZ sighed, "I hate talking about feelings…but … do you really think I should?"

ZiWei nodded, "You two are about to spend the rest of your lives together. If you don't talk about this now, when will you actually do it? It's not like you can talk about it during the wedding day."

XYZ reluctantly nodded, "I guess that means I should make my way to Jin Yang Gong."

When the servants announced Huan Zhu Ge Ge's arrival, Yongqi was caught by surprise. He can count on one hand the number of times she sought him out, mostly because she was in some sort of trouble and needed his help. His worry was compounded by the unusually serious expression on her face and his fear of losing her rose to the surface.

"XYZ! Is everything alright?! You haven't changed your mind, have you?"

XYZ shook her head, "No. I'm fine. ZiWei's fine. Actually she's the one who insisted I come…Yongqi, I have a very important question for you."

Yongqi's brows furrowed together, "What is it? You're really worrying me now."

XYZ sighed, "Why do you want to marry me? I bring no fortune, no connections. Just heaps of trouble. I can barely read, I couldn't even protect ZiWei, I'm irresponsible, I never say the right thing, all I do is fight with you, I…"

Yongqi quickly silenced her with his hand, "XYZ! What brought this on? Of course I want to marry you!"

XYZ insisted, "But …" only to be silenced by him again.

Yongqi: "XYZ. Let me finish. You're right, you have your faults. But then, so do I. We come from drastically different backgrounds, but I see that as what makes us unique and special. I'm not entering this marriage blindly. I know it'll take work and patience, but XYZ, you're worth it. I don't know what it is about you, but you're worth it. I've lived all my life being the favored son, the privileged A Ge. But you remind me that I'm not the center of the universe, that there are other ways of living, that life does not fit in nice little boxes. You remind me that it's ok to make mistakes, that it's alright to laugh, to cry, to feel. You make me want to be a better person, to conquer my selfishness so that I can be worthy of you."

XYZ felt her eyes tearing up, "Yongqi…there, now you've made me cry…ZiWei is such a bad influence… I'm not that wonderful. But you, you have so much talent, so much knowledge, so willing to change for me. ZiWei told me that she always sees you apologizing, always you trying to make up after our fights. And she's right. I've taken you for granted. If anyone's selfish it's me. It's my selfishness that gave Zi Wei such a hard time getting her rightful place. My selfishness that caused everyone to almost lose their lives countless times. My selfishness that you had to face the choice of leaving everything behind. And I know I don't say this much, but I am so grateful to have you in my life. I promised to be a new XYZ for you, and I really meant it. I may be irresponsible and impulsive, but I always keep my promises. It's just …Yongqi, I'm so afraid…I'm afraid I won't ever be good enough. And I don't like being afraid. It makes me cranky."

Yongqi hugged her to him, "Silly XYZ, have no fear, you're already good enough…If I told you I'm afraid too, would you think less of me?"

XYZ pulled away, "What are you afraid of?"

Yongqi replied earnestly, "I'm afraid that one day you'll lose your patience with all the restrictions in this Palace. I'm afraid that you'll decide that losing your independence is not worth it, that I'm not worth it. I'm afraid that you'll really leave one day and now give me the opportunity to follow."

XYZ smiled, "Now who's being silly? You should know by now, I only say those things, I don't actually mean them. You're stuck with me for life."

Yongqi smiled, "There, that's the XYZ I know and love."

XYZ suddenly groaned, "Oh bother."

Yongqi asked, "What?"

XYZ, "ZiWei was right."

Yongqi remained mystified, "Right about what?"

XYZ answered, "She said that despite our confident exterior, inside we're both pretty insecure."

Yongqi laughed, "If I've learned anything from our adventures, it's that ZiWei is usually right. Er Kang too, we're blessed to have friends like them... Doesn't mean we have to tell her though."

XYZ agreed, "Of course. I've got a reputation to keep after all. I am Xiao Yan Zi. I'm not afraid of anything, and I dare anyone to suggest differently." She thought for a moment and then added, "Maybe except you. I think you're proven your worth."

Yongqi just shook his head and laughed along with her.