The two men were lying next to each other in silence, glancing up at the ceiling that presented itself as a wavering grey matter in the dimness of the moonlight. Lost in deep thoughts, Muguruma was playing with one of Ukitake's long strands of hair, and enjoyed the numbness of his drained body.

"Kensei", the soft voice of the white-haired captain sounded next to him.

Lazily, he turned his body on the side to face the other man with a smile.

"What is it, my Jūshirō-chan?"

"I want to ask you something I have been wondering about from the start."

"Yes?"

"Since when have you been interested in me?"

"Since when? Hm. I found you attractive since I first laid eyes on you."

"But what made you decide to try your luck with me?"

"I don't know... it was a gradual process. Why do you ask such things?"

Sighing, Ukitake folded his arms behind his head.

"I had the impression it started when we met by chance in the forest, at sunset."

"Yeah, could be."

"When you unfortunately had to witness me coughing up blood."

"I remember."

"You know, I was sure I had scared you off with that. Shunsui tried to convince me you were into me after you visited the next day. But I was sure there'd be absolutely no way you, or anyone, would still feel attracted to me, after what you saw."

"Luckily, you have now the living counter-proof lying next to you in your bed."

"But why was it exactly this occasion, of all things, that led to you making approaches to me?"

Sighing, Muguruma turned back to stare at the ceiling.

After a moment, he said: "To be absolutely honest: I've always found you attractive, but I was never sure if you were attracted to men at all, and to me in particular. I just didn't know how to approach you. When we met in the forest, and you had that fit... it's just that I had never been so close to you before. I felt horrible about this, because you were so miserable back then, but when I carried you home and held you to my chest... I was even able to smell the scent of your hair! Which made me kinda hot. And I finally took the decision to get closer to you. I just... - I just realized that I sound like a completely deviant pervert."

Ukitake chuckled at that last remark. "No, you don't. I remember, even though I really was miserable, when you held me close to you, it somehow turned me on a little bit..."

"Jūshirō, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that..." Muguruma grinned, gently brushing a strand of Ukitake's long hair away from his face.

Then he moved back a little to place his head on the other man's chest, in order to examine his breathing. Taken aback by this behaviour, Ukitake stiffened uncomfortably. For some reason, this act seemed more intimate than anything else Muguruma had done to him that night; almost intrusive. "What are you doing?", Ukitake asked, trying to keep the strain out of his voice.

"I'm listening", Muguruma answered, a smile audible in his words.

Unsure about what to do, Ukitake closed his eyes to stop and think. Why did that simple act bother him so much? Why did it feel like the young man was crossing a line that Ukitake hadn't even known to exist until now?

"Hey, what are you doing?", Muguruma chuckled, raising his head again to look at his lover's face. It was just then that Ukitake realized he had been holding his breath, and exhaled slowly.

"Nothing", he answered, offering a weak smile. "So, did you gain any insights?"

"Hmm" was Muguruma's only response, before he laid down his head again, pressing his ear to Ukitake's breast bone. "All I can hear is your heart", he said after a long while and started to grin, "sounds pretty good and strong."

"Accurate diagnose."

Chuckling, Muguruma moved back up to eye level and propped his head up on his arm to gaze at his lover's abstracted face. Ukitake was still absorbed in trying to figure out what that strange feeling was that lingered in his chest even after Muguruma had removed his head, when he felt a slight tug on his hair. Still smiling, the young man was raking his hand through the silky, white mane that was spread out on the pillow. "You should wear your hair loose more often", he said, "it looks really good on you."

"You've mentioned it before. But it's impractical", Ukitake replied, "it gets into my face the whole time, and during summer I get too warm when I wear it open. I was actually thinking about cutting it again."

"No!", Muguruma immediately opposed, "don't!"

Laughing, Ukitake began to stroke Muguruma's muscular upper arm. "Why is that so important to you?"

"I don't know. I just like it."

Ukitake only hummed in response, his eyes half closed, while Muguruma kept playing with a flick of his long hair.

"I think what I like best about your hair is the colour", the young man added with a grin, as he moved his hand to softly stroke and massage Ukitake's scalp instead. "It kinda matches mine..."

Ukitake smiled and closed his eyes to savour the intimate touch. "It wasn't always like that", he whispered, surprising himself a little with his words. Usually he didn't walk around telling this story to anyone.

"What do you mean?", Muguruma asked, not entirely sure what the white-haired man was referring to.

"The colour. I was born with black hair, like both my parents and all of my siblings", Ukitake explained, his voice low and even.

"Huh?" Muguruma seemed confused.

"It happened when I was a little boy. I had always been prone to illness, but this one time I was especially sick. It just got worse and worse with every week, and I've lost all memory of the worst few days – I've been told I constantly shifted between sleep and unconsciousness. Anyway, when I finally came to and got better again, my hair began to grow out white at the roots."

"It must have been a shock", Muguruma said, but a fleeting smile played around his lips.

Ukitake took the chance to smile back. "Of course it was. I kind of panicked and shaved it all of – as if that could have changed anything. But it still came back white."

The young man hummed, propped up his torso and pensively gazed down at the other man for many seconds.

"What is it", Ukitake finally chuckled, calmly returning the gaze.

It was just then the younger man's eyes softened, and he began to smile broadly. "Yeah, with black hair you would still be pretty hot", he said. "But I think I'd prefer you as you are now, even though there's a sad story behind that beautiful white hair of yours..."

"Well, I'm now at an age where people don't question my hair colour any more", Ukitake smiled, "but it always inspired curiosity when I was a child. And also some insults."

"Yeah, some kids also made fun of me, once", Muguruma remembered and started to grin. "Once."

Ukitake chuckled amiably. "I'm sure you showed them their place."

"You bet your ass I did", Muguruma said and rolled on his back, his torso propped up on his elbows. He put his head in his neck to look at the still amused Ukitake. "So..." he said in a curious voice, "how many siblings do you have?"

"Huh?"

"You said you were born with black hair, like your siblings."

"Right. My mother gave birth to ten children. But alive to this day are only eight. We're six brothers and two sisters."

"Wow, that's something", Muguruma laughed in surprise. "And all of you were born in Soul Society? From the same mother?"

"Yes."

"I know I repeat myself, but – wow."

"That's what most people say", Ukitake smiled. "It is also one of the things House Ukitake is famous for. Or, rather, the only thing."

"But why is your name 'fourteenth son'?"

"I get that question a lot", Ukitake laughed. "It's because I am the fourteenth son and heir born in direct lineal descent of our house."

"Hm", Muguruma said, just a little confused, "so you're the oldest of your siblings?"

"Well, I'm the oldest son but not the oldest child. I have an older sister. That was rather bad luck for my parents – the first child is a daughter and the first son is unlikely to even reach puberty..."

Muguruma knitted his brows. "Was it that bad?"

"Kind of." Ukitake sighed. "The doctors didn't give me much time back then. Until one of them suggested I should try and train my reiatsu – that has saved my life, I guess."

Muguruma smiled broadly. "Who would have guessed...", he purred and bent down to place a kiss on Ukitake's collarbone, "and now you have one of the fucking hugest reiatsus I've ever seen – or, felt, for that matter..." Ukitake only hummed in response.

"I'm sorry", he said eventually, and even blushed a little, "I know I let myself go just now, when we... you know. That was possibly a little... immoderate."

The young man began to laugh. "What are you talking about, Jū", he chuckled, "I told you not to restrain yourself. And I found that fuckin' hot – feeling so close to you. You reiatsu is really amazing."

"I like yours, too", Ukitake whispered, the blush deepening a little. The young man grinned broadly in response, before he asked: "Does that run in your family or something? Having gigantic spiritual pressure?"

"Not really", Ukitake answered with a pensive smile. "I don't know where this came from. But I'm the only one – well, except... my younger sister does have some spiritual pressure, but only on a very low level."

"Hmmm." Kensei hummed and made to lie down more comfortably.

"So... what about you?", Ukitake asked when the young man lay his head down on his shoulder as if getting ready to sleep. "Do you have any siblings?"

"No", Muguruma yawned, "or, dunno, actually... someone put me on the doorstep of a dojo when I was a baby; the master took me in and raised me. Together with several other boys."

"You grew up in a dojo?", Ukitake said and smiled. "Is this also where you got your name?"

"Yup."

"How was it?", Ukitake asked with a quiet voice, "did you like it there?"

"Hmm, dunno", Muguruma mumbled, "wasn't all too great, but not too bad either... And it wasn't like I had many alternatives."

"I see", Ukitake sighed and gave the younger man a pat on the arm, "you are not falling asleep on me, are you?"

"Hmmmm", Muguruma hummed and chuckled. "D'you want me out of your bed, Jūshirō?"

"I just don't want to have to wake you again. Plus, it is way past midnight..."

"Aaaallright, gettin' the message", the young man sighed and got up on his elbows, "I'mma leave for tonight..." He smiled and put a last kiss on Ukitake's lips before he got up to dress himself.

The next day, it was cold and raining outside, and an angry wind was chasing big clouds across the sky. Ukitake had to quit squad training early; he felt weak and shaky and was afraid he might catch a cold, or worse. Once again, Kaien Shiba had to fill in for him. Even though it had happened many times before, and Shiba didn't mind at all, every single time he felt really bad for abandoning his duties, to the point of being ashamed of himself.

Thus, when he was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to the wind driving the raindrops against the amado, the wooden storm shutters, he was too worried to fall asleep. Instead, he fell into some state of half-sleep, where strange dreams confused his mind to a point where he could no longer tell reality from illusion.

As quietly as possible, Kyōraku sled the door shut behind him and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dimness, before he slowly approached the white-haired captain, who was lying perfectly still on the futon. His breathing seemed very deep and laboured, almost as if he had just finished running a marathon.

"Jūshirō, are you asleep?", he whispered.

"Of course not", Ukitake answered in a hoarse, almost inaudible voice, followed by some coughing, "how could I possibly fall asleep like that."

Sighing, Kyōraku sat down next to his friend. "You were so quiet – I had hoped you were sleeping."

"Well, I wasn't sure if you were really here or not", Ukitake answered, staring at the ceiling, "in fact, I'm still not convinced."

Concerned upon that strange remark, Kyōraku lightly touched Ukitake's forehead with the back of his hand. "You feel hot. Do you have a fever?"

"Possibly. I've been having strange dreams..."

"I'll get you something to drink. Do you need anything else?"

"No... just tell Kensei to leave, will you? He mustn't see me like this..."

"Muguruma's not here-", Kyōraku was about to say, just when he felt the young man's reiatsu appear very close to them. With a faint smile, he got up again. "All right, I'll tell him."

Just when he had stepped out of the room and closed the door behind himself, Muguruma came storming towards him, in a way that Kyōraku believed for a moment the young man would simply knock him over.

"Kyōraku-taicho", he whispered, suspiciously eyeing the door to Ukitake's bedroom, "how is he?"

A little surprised about this directness, Kyōraku gave a comforting smile and said:

"He's all right. Just might have an unpleasant night ahead of him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He might not catch too much sleep, but he'll be alright."

"Okay", Muguruma said, waiting for Kyōraku to move, so that he could finally step inside.

But Kyōraku just uneasily cleared his throat, continuing to block the door.

"I'm really sorry, Muguruma-san, but Jūshirō asked me to send you away. He's uncomfortable with you seeing him like this. I hope you will respect his request."

For a moment, Muguruma seemed actually hurt, but he quickly regained his composure.

"Hell, no", he answered with a devilish grin, "move it, Kyōraku."

"You will only upset him if you insist on going inside."

"Then that's the way it will be. Care to step aside?"

With a big sigh, Kyōraku slouched his shoulders and said: "Don't take too long, please. I'll be back in a few minutes."

With that he left, and Muguruma carefully stepped inside the dark room.

"So that's how the both of you comply with my requests", a weak voice sounded from the futon. "How very reassuring."

"What the fuck, Jūshirō", Muguruma said instead of a greeting, "how can you charge Kyōraku with kicking me out?"

"I'm sorry if you're feeling bad", the voice shot back, dripping with sarcasm. Followed by dry, painful coughs.

Great, Muguruma thought, now Ukitake had actually managed to make him feel guilty.

He sat down next to the futon, and gently brushed a strand of hair away from his lover's forehead. His skin felt damp and very hot, and Ukitake quickly turned his face away from him.

"I heard you weren't feeling well", Muguruma began to talk, softly stroking the other man's upper arm. "I just wanted to swing by to see you."

"Thank you, Kensei."

"If there's anything I can do for you, just tell me. And, otherwise, I'll just go now and let you rest."

"I don't need anything", Ukitake whispered, "thank you."

Sighing acquiescently, Muguruma bent down to place a gentle kiss on Ukitake's temple.

"Good night, then. I hope you'll be able to sleep a little."

"I'll be fine. Good night, Kensei."