A/N: Hello, all. So, I'll get right to it. This is a pretty heavy chapter in parts, but it'll get less heavy next chapter. There's some dubious medicine being used in this chapter, but-hey, it's fanfic, right? :) Who's ready for Balthy? As always, enjoy. :)
Feverish Fears
"Okay. Let me get this straight," announced a woman suddenly nearby.
Cas's deep blue eyes snapped open in response, surprise jolting him awake. He glanced around the room suspiciously and frowned deeply. He had half-expected to find himself back up in Heaven in one of Naomi's rooms. But instead he was in the Bunker's infirmary now, which appeared empty save for him. How long had he been out this time, he wondered. He was losing time again. Like he had when Naomi had messed with his mind. And he hated it. Craning his neck, too weak to move otherwise, his eyes widened as he caught the IV bag of some milky white liquid hanging on a pole and followed the tube down to where the needle was in his arm.
"You two idiots came at him with a thermometer. And then you, Goldilocks, snapped your stupid fingers and snapped him unconscious?" a very exasperated Jody Mills stated. "Do I have that right?"
"Yes."
"Unfortunately."
The Seraph's eyes darted back to the doorway where he knew the conversation was taking place. Dean and Sam had answered her, as well as Gabriel.
Jody made an indiscernible sound, though, before something thumped hard against the wall.
"Of course you three did. Why the hell wouldn't you? But, here's a thought, boys. Did you think you could have stopped and went, 'Hey, Castiel. We're worried about you. We think you may have a really high fever, and we just want to make sure you're okay.' You know—use your damn words!"
Cas considered this for a moment. Would it have made a difference if they had explained a bit more about why they were doing that? Maybe. It was hard to say really. He had felt rather wretched earlier and was, most regrettably, extremely bitchy and emotional.
His eyes fell back to the IV. They were injecting something into him. Perhaps that was why he felt better now. Thinking back to his time watching over Donatello, he tried to recall what this fluid could possibly be. At first he had thought it was saline, but it wasn't the right color.
"He wasn't listening, Jody," Dean argued.
"Of course he wasn't listening! You were manhandling him while he felt like absolute crap! Forcing him into yet another situation he didn't want to be in!" The Sheriff of Sioux Falls huffed loudly. "Donna, help me out here. Will you?"
"Sure, Jodes."
Cas winced in sympathy for the boys.
"We did the right—"
"Did ya, though? Did ya really?" Donna replied with an obvious sickly-sweet murderous smile in her voice. "Cause, ya know, lookin' at it from my perspective, not just from the law side of things either, looks to me like ya boys done screwed up with that adorable angel of ours."
"He'll be—"
"Oh, I'd think real carefully if I were you about your next words."
"Why? You gonna shoot me, Donna?" drawled the Hunter.
Cas closed his eyes and sighed inwardly. Oh, Dean.
A second later, the green-eyed Hunter let out a howl.
Instinctively, the angel tried to sit up and rush to him. Every bit of his weakened Grace hummed. His fierce sense of protectiveness for his human was sent into overdrive. However, his vessel refused to cooperate and forced him to stay confined to the cot. In fact, other than his arm outstretching, he hadn't moved that much. It was utterly infuriating. Was this some new form of torture Naomi had devised?
"What the hell! Let go!" Dean screamed again.
Cas's mind raced with various scenarios of what, in fact, was happening on the other side of the wall that separated him from Dean. He knew without a doubt the real sheriffs wouldn't hurt Dean the same way, say, a werewolf or demon would, but he hated feeling so helpless, forced to hear the yells.
"That hurts! Stop!"
"Dean," called out the Seraph, his voice raspy and low. There was no way the humans heard him, not with how weak he sounded, but he was positive Gabriel would have at least. If his idiot older brother was paying attention that was, which he likely wasn't since Sam was there too.
"Goddamn it, Donna!" Dean hissed in pain again. "Let go!"
"I can put up with a lot of things, boys, but sass right now ain't one of them."
Cas craned his head more, his right arm outstretched further to the door. He had to get to Dean. He had to save him. He had to. He had failed with everything else, but he couldn't fail the man he loved.
"Something funny there, Goldilocks?" Jody remarked a moment later, breaking the panicking angel's concentration for a split second. Gabe!
"No," quietly replied his older brother, clearing his throat. "I'm good."
The Seraph's eyes flashed with a flicker of Grace as he tried once more to reach them. He almost had it. Just a little bit more, and he could get their attention. He could—
"But Cas isn't currently," announced his older brother a moment later.
"What?" the others gasped.
With his arm still outstretched and his body halfway off the cot with the tubing pulled tight from the bag, Cas found himself at an odd angle when they rushed in soon after. He caught their looks instantly and shrunk back into the hard, lumpy mattress in response. However, his eyes still managed to look Dean over somehow, finding only his human's right ear reddened.
He needed to get a better handle of himself. He was losing control too much lately.
"How you feelin', angel?" Donna asked softly, walking towards him.
He glanced at her warily before his eyes returned to the needle in his left arm. He frowned when he saw the steady stream of thick crimson running from underneath the tape down his arm. He inhaled sharply to rid himself of the chill that wanted to race down his spine before he shook his head. Humans didn't want the truth. They never did.
"I'm fine," he finally answered, his eyes falling to his bleeding, aching arm again.
Lies were so much easier to stomach than the truth. He learned that truth from Sam and Dean.
When a hand gently rested against his shoulder, he glanced up, feeling smaller when Gabriel glanced down at him. He felt like a petulant child in trouble. And he couldn't think of a single reason why really. He just didn't like the look on his older brother's face. It reminded him too much of before.
"I'm sorry."
"For?" Cas replied, noticing the bright emerald eyes dart over to Sam when the angel's voice cracked unexpectedly. No doubt, Dean was going to realize how weak he was now and decide they could no longer continue their relationship. It would hurt unfortunately, but he would do as his human wished and try to return to their previous friendship. If Dean even wanted that anymore.
"For snapping you unconscious," answered his older brother, pulling the younger from his dangerous, spiraling thoughts. "However, we needed you to rest to get that IV in you, kiddo. Your temperature was climbing way too high."
Jody huffed in obvious disagreement.
"kay." Cas's voice sounded small, pathetic even. Dean had called him once a baby in a trench coat whenever his powers failed. But wasn't that what he was now? After all, his very human boyfriend had successfully managed to overpower him. He couldn't be an angel then. Angels were warriors of God, weapons of mass destruction, lethal, neutral, obedient. All things he was not now.
Gabriel gently pushed his chin up, forcing him to meet his gaze.
Cas's eyes quickly looked away, afraid that his older brother would see his thoughts. He had disappointed his brother so much already. He couldn't bear to see that look on Gabriel's face again. It never failed, though. No matter what he did, he always managed to screw things up spectacularly.
His older brother sighed heavily, though, before he glanced at the others. A second later, he motioned the younger to scoot over a bit. Once Cas had moved, albeit reluctantly of course, the archangel sat on the edge of the cot and sighed again.
"We weren't listening, were we?"
"What?" Cas blinked, cocking his head to the side.
"It's what the ladies were trying to tell us. We weren't listening to you."
"It's fine." It always was. Everything was always fine. Even when it wasn't. It was fine.
"Cas—"
"It's fine," he repeated, forcing his voice to sound less pathetic than before. "It's fine." When Gabriel's amber eyes narrowed on him, he shrunk back and glanced down. "Promise."
"Oh, kiddo. If only I could believe you," murmured the sandy-haired archangel, his lips pursing before he sighed quietly.
"You can, though," Cas argued, grabbing his brother's arm. "It's fine. Everything's—it's fine."
"No."
The Seraph felt his insides knot almost instantly. Why didn't he believe him? He had thought he had gotten better at deception. He knew he was no Dean or Sam of course, but he had to be at least better than Jack was. His mind raced, trying to figure out what he could say that would make his brother believe him. But every scenario ended the same unfortunately.
"Cas, you don't have to say that if it's not true," Dean quietly stated a moment later, finally speaking up. He gave him a faint smile when the electric blues darted to him in shock. "It's okay if you're not. If you're scared or whatever. All right?" He took a step closer. "Because I'll be honest, man." He pressed his fingers into his chest. "Me—I'm not fine. I'm not even close to fine right now."
"Why?" The question was asked with such innocence and curiosity.
"Because you're not."
"Oh." It was nice to hear even if Dean didn't truly mean it. Though, on second thought, maybe Dean did? After all, the Hunter rarely was this honest, this open, about feelings. In fact, often, the Hunter would run from them as if they were more dangerous than all monsters he had ever faced over the years. Did Dean's sudden honesty have to do with this Rogers fellow again? His Grace recoiled at once, causing the Seraph to flinch. It truly did not like when he brought up the children's host at all.
"Cas?"
He breathed through his pain, though. It would pass. It had so far at least. He just had to wait for the pain to lessen again.
"Cas, man, talk to me. Please."
Gradually, the pain dulled back to its familiar ache again, his Grace resettling once more. He knew what he had to do then. It was so obvious, so simple of an explanation. It explained his Grace's visceral reaction perfectly. Yes, he was sure of it now. He could fix this. Or at the very least make sure he didn't end up in more pain than before again.
Clearing his throat quietly, the Seraph raised his head up. He could play along with her games. "I'm certain whatever illness this is" his long-awaited Fall, he thought bitterly "will pass soon enough, and I'll be back to my normal self once again." His voice sounded stiff, fake, which he supposed it was.
Those bright greens, so full of life and love, that Cas loved so much glanced towards Gabriel.
"Um, boys, ladies," started the archangel cautiously, "could you give us a minute please?"
"Gabe—"
"Just a minute." The archangel's voice dipped low, almost pleadingly as he spoke. "Please."
Cas frowned, tilting his head slightly. Why was his brother playing nice like this? He could have easily snapped his fingers and stopped time or . . . something. Something the Seraph couldn't recall right then, but he knew his brother had other options than this. More in character options. Something wasn't right here. His eyes fell back to the tube injecting the milky liquid inside his vessel. He had almost forgotten about that somehow.
It was becoming more difficult to think again. He was forgetting words, memories, things. He supposed it was probably important to tell them in case it was essential, in case he was wrong and this wasn't another illusion, but he didn't feel like bringing up that can of earthworms. Not yet at least. Maybe later. After all, it was just every now and then he was forgetting things. It couldn't be that important. Not yet at least.
"That means you too, Dean," pointed out his older brother when the Hunter remained behind.
"Yeah, no. Whatever you have to say to him, you can say in front of me. Right, Cas?"
The Seraph glanced at his Hunter but said nothing, as his eyes trailed back to the IV. He didn't like it. It felt—something but that. Possibly a familiar feeling, one that upset him greatly. And the liquid seemed . . . strange, foreign to him. They had claimed it was to bring down his fever, but he could feel his vessel's temperature start to rise again. Was it a trick? If it was, he couldn't fall for it.
"You don't like that, do you?" Dean motioned towards his arm where the IV was.
"No," he admitted quietly, testing the waters more.
"Yeah, I feel you." Dean smiled gently at him. "I hate when I have needles inside me and all the crap that comes with it. But it's important sometimes, Cas, because it's to help you get stronger."
Blue eyes shot up instantly. "It won't help restore my Grace, though."
The Hunter glanced at Gabriel who was strangely silent for some reason. "We were hoping it might help kickstart your own Grace actually, so you can fight this crap."
What?
"It's your brother's Grace, Cas," Dean further explained. "It's mixed with the medicine in that bag. He's giving you some of it because—I don't know—Archangel-Seraph whatever stuff. It's beyond my understanding." His human sighed heavily, running a hand through his blondish-brown hair. "We're grasping at straws, I'll admit, but neither Dumbass over there nor me want to lose you. All right? So, while I know you don't like it, we need you to keep it in just a bit longer. Can you do that for us?"
Gabriel's Grace? His brows furrowed as his mind led him to the obvious conclusion, the only one that could make sense of this. "But it won't work, though." It was a good idea, but . . .
"You don't—"
"Dean, it won't work," Cas repeated firmly, his frown deepening. He then glanced at his brother and shook his head. If only it was true . . . if only . . . "And Gabriel knows it. Nothing will work." Nothing could work.
"Cassie, it's not that," his brother countered. "It's not you Falling."
"I've already Fallen, brother." He fell long ago, he knew. "This is just the end, and it's fine."
"Fine?" croaked Dean, staring at him horrified. "Cas, that ain't fine. That's the farthest from fucking fine you can be." His mouth opened and closed then as he struggled with words. Bright green eyes looked over at the silent archangel before he scoffed. "Cas, man, you—I love you. You get that, right? That I love you? That I can't . . ." His voice quivered as he stared at him through watery eyes that he quickly and angrily swiped away. "Fuck, how the hell can you be so damn calm about this? You should be fighting, man, raging, not quitting on us!"
"But it's not real," the Seraph remarked quietly, having grown long past tired of this trick. It actually hurt now inside, and he just wanted it to end. He had wished it was true, but he knew it couldn't be. All the evidence pointed that it wasn't. It was too out of character for both of them. "None of this is."
"What?" Amber and emerald eyes both widened.
"It's not real," repeated the Seraph coolly. He then inhaled slowly and sighed. If he was right, he was going to pay for this dearly. But he couldn't be wrong. Not when both Dean and Gabriel were acting this way. His brother certainly had his rare moments for seriousness, but Gabe never would have sacrificed his Grace for him. Not after the whole Asmodeus debacle. And Dean? He wouldn't have been this honest, this open, about how he felt. He had been making strides of course, but a tiger's stripes never truly wore off this quick. Heaven had nearly had him again this time. But he had figured out Naomi's tricks again and knew the truth. This time he'd fight harder than before. This time he would give in and hurt Dean. Not like he had last time.
"What the hell do you mean, 'It's not real?" Dean snapped. "Of course this is real!" He then glanced at the archangel. "What the fuck is going on here? What's happening to him?"
"I'm not sure," admitted the sandy-haired archangel, whisky eyes returning to Cas. "What do you think is happening here exactly, kiddo? You think we're Djinn-hallucinations?"
"Possibly." Cas ignored Dean's outraged look. It was easier knowing that it couldn't be his boyfriend. "Or more likely I never escaped, and I've been in Heaven ever since Purgatory. Or it could be Chuck finally decided to take me out of the equation. It could be anything really." His life, after all, had turned into a never-ending cycle of loss and pain lately. How strange that it had flipped so much.
"Why do you think we're not real?" his brother asked neutrally, waving off Dean's ire.
"Isn't it obvious?" Cas huffed a laugh, motioning to his arm. "You never would have given me your Grace. Not after having yours drained by Asmodeus for years. Then there's the fact you died in the Apocalypse World." He glanced at Dean. "And y-you never would have said how you loved me in front of Gabriel, in front of anyone really. You would have worn your mask until the day you—"
"And what about me, Brother?" a voice suddenly called out from the doorway.
Just like that, the wind was knocked out of Castiel's lungs. His head whipped to the voice. Balthazar. All of his ghosts had come home for the finale. Of all the ways he had died over the years, this would be the most painful one yet. He was sure of it. He forced his eyes to meet the steely grays watching him silently with an air of aloofness. Not Naomi. She never liked Balthazar, alive or dead. So, this was obviously his father's influence then. His father he had been so loyal to, loved so much, only to learn the unfortunate truth—that his father was a dick, the biggest one there ever was.
"I killed you." It still hurt to admit that, and it had been years. "You're a manifestation—all of you in fact—of my failures." And, damn, had there been so many of those over the years unfortunately.
"Failures?" The blond chuckled quietly. "My, aren't you delusional?" He walked down the steps towards to them. "Tell me, Castiel. What makes you so damn important to make Naomi give you even a second of her attention?" He then shrugged half a moment later. "Or, for that matter, why would dear ol' Dad even think about you? He never cared about any of the rest of us, now did he?"
"Balthazar, that's enough," their older brother quietly remarked, standing up with a deep frown.
"Perhaps," the blond agreed. "But, frankly, you two idiots aren't making a dent so, naturally, it falls on yours truly once again. Just like last time." He smirked bitterly. "Tell me, Dean. How'd that work out again?" He chuckled when Dean's eyes fell to the ground guiltily. "Oh, that's right. I died. Killed by my own brother." His eyes darted to the somber blues. "I mean, I don't fault you, Castiel. You were doing what you thought you needed to in order to protect these apes. But, surely, you've—"
"Balthazar," warned the archangel, his voice lowering dangerously. "Enough."
The lower-classed angel inclined his head instantly. "As you wish." His eyes then returned to Cas. "Met your son earlier."
"Jack?" Cas's eyes widened. Oh. Oh no. He was going to fail the boy again.
"Yes." Balthazar forced a thin smile. "He admitted being the reason both Gabriel and I are back from our long slumber in the Empty. That he wanted to cheer you up." The blond shrugged, tapping his index finger against his cheek. "But, you see, I couldn't understand what it was exactly you had to feel sorry for yourself over. You have your human finally. Two children who adore you. Dad keeps bringing you back for some reason. And you have us, your brothers. So, here I am, walking in thinking there would be no way he was correct, that you'd be sulking. Yet, here you are."
"I'm not sulking!"
"No? Clearly looks like you are, Brother. Sulking like the spoiled brat you have always been."
"Balthazar!" snapped their older brother, grabbing the blonde's arm. "That's enough!"
"I am not sulking!" Castiel repeated firmly, glaring at the British-sounding angel.
"If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck—"
The Seraph clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth angrily.
"Then, obviously," Balthazar drawled coldly "it's a damn duck." He yanked his arm back from Gabriel with a huff. "Quack! Quack, Castiel!"
Forgetting about the IV in his arm and all rationality, the messy-haired angel leapt towards the blond, yanking the metallic pole with him. He was going to murder the damn blond all over again! The two angels slammed hard onto the floor, slamming their fists into one another's bodies, before they were suddenly snapped far apart from one another.
"Are you kidding me right now!" Gabriel snarled, pointing his finger at both of his petulant little brothers. "You two are fucking angels, damn it! And, quite frankly, both of you are too damn old for this childish behavior for Dad's sake!" He then huffed loudly and shook his head.
"He started it!"
"I did not! You did, assbutt!"
"Oh, go screw your hairless—" Balthazar shot back.
"His name is Dean!"
"Dean. Dean. Dean," mocked the blond. "Why don't you marry him already, Castiel?"
Snapping his fingers again with a heavy sigh, Gabriel glanced upwards as he shook his head. Immediate silence settled around them, almost in a startling manner with how quickly it appeared.
"Ah. Yes. That's better," drawled the archangel happily. "I can think again without hearing the incessant whining of my two idiot little brothers." He glanced towards the green-eyed Hunter who still was staring with his mouth hung open. "Do you see now why I didn't want them anywhere near each other? It's like freakin' Eden all over again."
The eldest Winchester nodded slowly, still not saying anything.
"You all right there, Dean-o?"
"Yeah." The Hunter blinked, seemingly coming back to himself. He then redirected his attention to his angel, striding back to the cot Cas was sitting on again. "Let's fix up that arm. Okay?"
"All right. Well, while you handle him, I'm going to take this one back to his room," Gabriel declared, motioning Balthazar to head towards the door. "I'll be back in a minute." As the younger of two walked past, the blond flipped off the Seraph, earning himself a hard smack to the back of his head.
As soon as Gabriel and Balthazar were out of the room, Dean gently held his hand out.
"Let me see your arm," he instructed softly, holding a washcloth in his other hand. When the angel kept his arm firmly tucked against his side, the Hunter sighed. "Cas, come on. It's me. All right? You know me. I wouldn't hurt you." He then winced, scratching the back of his neck as he thought better on it. "All right. That's a lie. I have hurt you before. Numerous times if we're honest. But—" Dean scoffed, shaking his head. "Whatever. You know this crap already. Just let me see your arm so I can clean it back up and reinsert the IV. I know you don't like it, but we have to keep your fever down."
Cas huffed and glanced away, looking at the far wall.
"Dude, come on. Stop being a dick."
Blue eyes glanced at him with a raised brow.
"Hey, I'm just calling it as I'm seeing it, buddy. You're acting like a dick. Certifiably."
Cas huffed again and rolled his eyes, still unable to communicate effectively thanks to his big brother. He failed to see how he was the bad guy in this situation. Balthazar was the one who came at him and started it. He just finished it. Or would have finished it if it hadn't been for Gabe.
A hand then gently rested atop of Cas's, making the Seraph glance at the man. Dean gave him a coy smile in return.
"There are those baby blues of yours," his human murmured quietly. "Gotta say, man. I did not see that coming. Not in a hundred years. This sickness is really messing with you, isn't it?" When Cas looked back with obvious puzzlement, Dean chuckled. "Dude, you went from being downright bitchy with me to almost—I don't even know what—with Gabriel and then absolutely bratty with Balthazar. If you were a woman, I'd say your hormones are out of serious whack right now."
What did—
"Never mind," the man sighed. "What I'm trying to say is, you're being very emotional right now. Which is how I know you feel like shit. Because you usually are more in control than this." He patted his hand silently before he pulled back. "Which, I'll admit, is sort of freaking me out more, but Gabe keeps telling me we're going to figure this out. That he'll move mountains and shit for you."
Cas raised a brow. He still didn't understand how his brother was going to do that exactly.
"Yeah, I know. But your brother loves you. And—don't tell the asshole I said this—it reminds me how I am whenever Sammy's sick or hurt."
Cas snorted. Gabriel likely had heard it regardless, considering his hearing was even better.
"You said this wasn't going to work earlier. But I need it to, Cas. I need it to work so we can keep making up for all the time I wasted by having my head up my ass. Understand? I need you to be okay." He then held up a hand. "And don't go thinking it's because I need you to heal me or beat the shit out of monsters or any of that nonsense. Because it's not. Not even close. I need you to be okay because I can't—" His voice cracked, and his eyes darted away briefly. "I need you, man."
Glancing down for a moment himself, the Seraph sighed inwardly. Now that his head was a bit clearer, he could see the truth he was afraid to believe earlier. This wasn't Naomi or his father's influences. This was real. They were real. Leaning forward, he gently reached up and turned Dean's head back to him. He flashed a shy smile at the spiky-haired man, moving his hand down to the man's bicep where he had gripped him tight and raised him long ago.
"Dude," Dean chuckled lightly, wiping at his eyes. "What'd I say about chick moments?"
Cas rolled his eyes and let his hand drop back down. How could he ever think this wasn't real?
"That you clearly need more of them in your life, Dean-o," dryly remarked the sandy-haired archangel as he strode back into the infirmary. He then snapped his fingers. "There. Now, play nice, Cassie. Or I'll take your voice away again."
Cas huffed, glancing towards the far wall instead. He had nothing nice to say currently.
"How's Balthazar?" asked the Hunter a moment later, glancing at the sandy-haired archangel.
"Pissed at me, but what else is new." Gabriel then visually examined the messy-haired Seraph. "And how are you, Cassie? Still bratty as ever? Or have we now moved onto cooperative possibly?"
The brilliant blues instantly went to his brother. He sighed before he forced a thin smile to his lips. He'd play the silly game then for now. "I appreciate you providing me with your Grace," he stated quietly "but it is not helping." And would never help if they were being honest as it was a forgone conclusion at this point. "So, I would very much like it if we could stop—"
"Yeah, not happening, kiddo," his older brother cut in dryly.
Cas's hands slammed down instantly in yet another rare and uncontrolled outburst. His eyes turned stormy blue as he glared at the older angel. "But I don't want it!" Why couldn't he get it through Gabe's stupid head? He didn't want the damn IV anymore! He didn't want any of it! It was messing with him, causing him to question things that he hadn't before. Recalling terrible things from his past.
"Of course you don't want my Grace, brat," his brother huffed, "but you're taking it anyway. End of discussion."
"No!"
"Yes!" his brother snapped back, pointing a finger at him. "Even if I have to strap you in a chair and—" His words died on his lips when Castiel directed an almost savage look on him. If looks could kill, the archangel would have been obliterated. The Seraph looked wild, full of rage and hatred as he glared back with his teeth bared. "All right. That's it!" The archangel threw his hands up. "Out with it! Or else I'll force it out of you!" he threatened. "Just what the fuck am I missing, Castiel?" He crossed his arms and raised a brow. When the silence stretched on, he glared harder. "I'm waiting, little brother."
"I don't want the IV." Why couldn't Gabriel understand that? "I don't need it!" So what if his vessel was a little bit hotter than usual? "I'm fine!" Or he would be if everyone backed the fuck off him.
"Okay, well, that's some prime bullshit if I've ever heard it," retorted the sandy-haired man. "You are not fine! Hell, you are nowhere near it judging by the outbursts you're displaying every two seconds. So, come on then. Use your words. What traumatic thing happened to you that made you hate IVs so badly? That's causing my usually calm and stick-up-his-ass little brother to panic like this?"
He couldn't tell them. Dean likely could guess it if he had paid enough attention. Maybe. But he knew his Hunter was distracted currently. No. It was better to stay quiet. Otherwise, he knew what would happen. And he was so tired of—
"I'm waiting, Castiel," growled Gabriel, grabbing a hold of the younger's face and wrenching him up to look into the furious amber eyes. "Answer me now, brat."
Cas's jaw tightened more, desperately holding back the truth by a thread.
"Now, Cassiel! Do not make me force you, Brother!"
Still, the young angel kept quiet. His insides twisted painfully at his brother's use of his true Enochian name. He was upsetting Gabriel, driving him to the breaking point. Like he always did. He hated whenever his brother was angry with him. But his silence was better for all of them. It was. It had to be. If he revealed the truth, it'd just lead to more anger, more loss, more pain.
When the archangel's grip tightened, the Seraph closed his eyes at the onslaught of tears that welled up in response. He used to be stronger than this. Now, he could barely hold back his sniffles.
"Cassiel!" snarled Gabriel in his True Voice. The bunker shook violently in response. Several vials shattered at the raw power displayed, sending jagged pieces flying around the room. A protective snap from the archangel, though, kept the glass from reaching the lone human in the infirmary.
"Madariatza!" The Seraph's native tongue slipped out.
"Heaven?" The archangel released the younger suddenly as if burned. "What do you mean, 'Heaven?" His whiskey eyes then darted to the green-eyed Hunter who was groaning as he picked himself back off the floor and brushed off the glass. "What does he mean by 'Heaven?"
"I don't know." Dean shrugged. "It could be Naomi or Metatron. Any one of those dicks. Hell, it could be Chuck for all I know." The green eyes darted to the floor guiltily before he turned to Cas. "It's not like he talked a lot about his time up there or, fuck, that I even thought to ask."
"Wait. Metatron? The Scribe?" Gabriel blinked before he glanced at Cas. "What did he do?"
Cas's eyes widened. His head snapped towards Dean. No . . . He reached towards his human, wishing Dean wouldn't answer but knowing the human would.
"He tricked him," Dean answered. "Told him that if he did certain tasks, Cas could lock all the angels up in Heaven and fix it. Only the tasks were for a spell that ended up causing all the angels to fall instead. The final ingredient was Cas's Grace, which Metatron stole."
The messy-haired angel's head fell forward. No . . .
"Oh, little brother," his brother murmured. "I'm so sorry." His hands curled into fists before he knelt in front of the withdrawn blue-eyed angel. "I failed you, kiddo. Even worse than I originally thought, but I'm going to make up for this somehow."
Cas tilted his head slightly and frowned. What? He wasn't mad at his failures? Disappointed?
"Starting with this, okay?" His brother motioned to the bag of fluid they had been injecting into him. "We'll come up with another way."
"What?" Dean glanced from Cas to the shorter man. "Gabe—"
"Yeah, I know, Winchester," interrupted the archangel, meeting his look. "But we can't use it. Not when it sets him off like that and reminds him of the hell he's gone through. We'd be no better than those assholes. So, we'll find another way. Got it?"
"Yeah." The Hunter sighed quietly. He grabbed the Seraph's other hand, holding it for a moment as he thought. "Cas, do you think you—if we added it to water or something—could you drink it then?" His tongue darted out between his lip briefly. "Because we have to keep your temp down somehow."
He assumed as much, but IVs couldn't be the go-to in all cases. There had to be something else they could try. Something that didn't hurt so much, didn't remind him of Naomi's lab or Metatron.
"Humans take pills sometimes to regulate their temperature, don't they?" the young angel inquired quietly. "Why will that not work for me?" Blue eyes darted between the two curiously.
"Because your fevers are too damn high, Cas." Dean ran a hand through his lighter hair silently before he shook his head. "They were hovering around 107/108, which for a human would have meant brain damage." He rubbed his thumb gently against Cas's hand. "And . . ." he paused for a brief moment before he continued "Gabe's been finding some damage already starting unfortunately. At this point, he can, thankfully, heal it. But we're both—" His voice cut out before he shook his head and started again. "Cas, we don't want it to reach the point where you start rejecting his Grace too."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Cas considered this for a moment. He could see the worry on both of their faces. They were both serious, the lightness they usually held long gone. He glanced down and licked his lips, tasting the salt once more. They were being honest with him, not hiding, not lying.
"Is that why I'm having moments where I forget things?" His voice was low, the shame heavy in his words. They always would get so upset with him whenever he hid things.
"What?"
"The damage you're finding—is that why I'm having times when I cannot recall things?"
"Probably, kiddo," Gabriel replied gently with a shrug. "I don't know for sure. But is it happening a lot, though? Or just once in a while?"
"Once in a while."
His older brother nodded slowly. "All right. Well, when that happens, just say something. Okay? Don't keep it to yourself. We need to be honest. All of us." He then forced a laugh. "I mean, let's face it. With the lives we live, you'd think we'd have figured out by now that secrets only make things worse."
"Then you've told Sam about your b—"
The archangel instantly cut him off, wagging a finger. "No, no, no, little brother. We're not discussing that right now. My relationship with Sam is, you know, mine. And definitely not something that needs to be discussed with Dean right here in the room."
"But, Gabriel, didn't you just say—" mocked the green-eyed Hunter.
"Dean-o, don't make me snap you to TV Land again."
The Hunter considered this for a second. "Wait. Would it be Dr. Sexy again?"
"Hell no. You'd be headed to some telenovela for certain."
"Okay. Not bad," Dean replied with a shrug. "I could work with that."
"With sparking vampires who sing."
"Oh, hell no!"
Cas laughed feebly, enjoying their banter. He was glad to see them getting along for once. Even if it was just because they were too emotionally exhausted from worrying over him again like always.
"What are you laughing about over there?"
"Merely imagining you singing with sparkling vampires, Dean."
"Oh, are you?" His human scoffed. "And just what song am I singing?"
"That incessantly annoying one you sing in the shower sometimes."
Emerald eyes instantly fell to the floor, as the Hunter's face reddened. "You Give Love a Bad Name?' Wow, man. And here I thought you liked it."
"No. The other one." He waved his hand. "Where you sing the number of shots you've taken."
"Oh!" Dean chuckled. "Yeah. That's a good one."
"Mas Tequila!" Gabriel yelled out suddenly before they all laughed. "You know, that actually gives me an idea. I could—"
"Yeah, how about you don't?" the Hunter cut in, quickly realizing what the archangel's next words were going to be. "In fact, how about you just go? I got Cas. We're good, aren't we, Sunshine?"
"Yes, Dean," the Seraph answered reflexively, closing his eyes shortly after and holding back a deep groan as pain inside roared to life again.
"Trying to get rid of me, are you, Winchester?"
"Yeah, but you're like mold, Gabe. You always grow back."
The archangel rolled his eyes before he looked his brother over yet again.
"Cassie?" his brother murmured a few moments later.
"Yes?" The Seraph kept his blue eyes on the end of the cot, avoiding the sharp amber ones. As long as he didn't look at Gabriel, he was safe. He could keep his brother from finding out—
"Son of a bitch," mumbled the archangel.
Fuck! His brother had seen the—
"Hey! That's my line! Get your own, asshole!" Dean huffed before he turned to give Cas a smile. A second later, his amusement vanished, though, as he saw the same thing Gabriel had. "Cas?"
"It's fine, Dean," he stated, his voice trembling. It wasn't fine. It was the opposite of fine. And he knew it. But he needed it to be fine. So, he was going to repeat that stupid phrase until it was. He hadn't annoyed a cosmic being older than himself and crawled his way out of the Empty, just to go back to a lifetime of nothingness again. That wasn't how this story went. It wasn't. It couldn't be.
"All right, kiddo." No trace of humor was in his brother's voice, though. "Time for your Grace-infused drink." His brother then grabbed a knife from the tray beside them and silently sliced his palm. The wispy white Grace floated slowly out of Gabriel's palm and into the glass of water he had snapped into existence a second earlier. With a light touch to his wound, he quickly healed his palm before he held out the glass. "It's got a bit of honey in it this time."
The Seraph reached for it, only to let his arm drop pathetically back down to his side. He was shaking too horribly to hold it properly. The cold was getting worse, seeping into the deepest parts of his vessel. His Grace had dipped suddenly and dramatically for some reason. He watched Dean grab the glass soon after, calmly holding it near his lips. A straw then snapped into the glass to make it easier.
"It's okay, man. We got this. Just—we'll take it slow. All right?" He could hear the fear.
Cas took his first sip, though. All he could taste was the honey this time, the sweetness of it. The molecules had long since disappeared on him. Another symptom revealed. Another failure. He closed his eyes and felt the Grace rush through his vessel. The honey taste dulled slightly. He took another sip, more Grace and slight honey. It was becoming—something. He took a bigger sip for his third, the Grace rushing through him and repairing the damage the illness was causing. After a few more moments and a few more sips, he could no longer taste the honey at all, only the tasteless, boring molecules. He pushed away the drink then, his eyes finding his brother's.
"Keep drinking, kiddo. All of it." Gabriel then gave him a pained look. "Or we're going to have to do it the other way, and I know you don't want that." He held up a hand to stave off the argument. "Kiddo, whatever this is—it's getting worse. So, you keep fighting. You keep drinking, and you keep fighting. Dean and I and the others, we'll take care of the rest. We'll figure this out."
What was to figure out exactly? His Grace was burning out for some reason. And the action of this was causing a systematic failure of his vessel. Speaking of which—
He briefly took inventory on his vessel's state. His Grace was still dangerously low, but it was absorbing Gabriel's much stronger essence than his own still. His temperature was in the low 104 range now, having come down from 106. And he had a new symptom, blood loss. A minor one brought on by a nosebleed, it seemed, which Dean silently washed away as he waited for Castiel to continue drinking. His eyes narrowed as he considered all of this. Maybe they were going about this the wrong way.
"Gabriel?"
"Yeah, Cassie?"
"I . . ." He sighed quietly before he glanced at Dean, who was watching him curiously. "Could you leave us?"
"What?"
"Just for a moment."
"Cas—"
"Please?" the younger brother pleaded, finally looking up and meeting the amber eyes.
Gabriel huffed. "Fine. You've got five minutes. But that drink better be gone when I come back. Got it?" He glanced at Dean. "Or else your boy toy here is headed to the sparky vampires."
"Just get out of here already," grumbled the green-eyed man.
The archangel quickly left the infirmary soon after with a snap, leaving them alone again.
"Dean," quietly murmured the messy-haired, blue-eyed angel.
"Right here, Sunshine," the Hunter replied, grabbing ahold of Cas's hand with his free one.
"I need you to be honest. And listen. Mostly listen." He pushed forward when the man said nothing. "Because I know you're going to hear me and react, but you have to listen to me."
"All right. I'm listening, Cas. What is it?"
"My Grace is the problem."
"Yeah, and we're going to figure out what this is and fix it."
"What if we didn't, though?" he asked quietly, forcing himself to remain steady when Dean tensed. His human was reacting instead of listening. "What if we didn't fix it?"
"Cas—"
"I was human once before. Graceless after Metatron stole it." He sighed inwardly. "I don't have enough to function as an angel. We can keep doing this, or we can choose to stop."
"What are you saying?"
"I realize I'll be weakened, worthless in a fight if need be, and unable to help heal you and the others, but—"
"Oh, Christ!" Dean growled, pulling back angrily while huffing. "This again?" Yep. He was definitely reacting instead of listening now. "Cas, how many goddamn times do I have to say it? I mean, seriously!" He shook his head irritably, setting the glass back down on the tray. "You aren't some tool to me, some weapon. You mean more to me than that. So much more, you idiot!" He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up in spots like the angel's. "Like, I thought we were finally past this shit, but I guess not. So, here we go again." He leaned forward and gently grabbed ahold of Cas's face. "I love you, you big dork! Angel or human or whatever, it doesn't matter to me as long as you are you. All right? Or do I need to beat it into your thick skull, my feathery pain in the ass boyfriend?"
Cas barely hid back his faint smile that had made its way to his face during Dean's rant. He found that he enjoyed hearing these things from his human. The warmth that it produced burned hotter than Grace. He glanced down, his eyes finding the cot interesting for a brief moment, as Dean released him once more. He missed the touch instantly.
"If I chose humanity and had my Grace removed—"
"Whoa! What? Cas, I don't think we're quite there yet."
He sighed at the man's words. "Of course," he quietly murmured.
He should have known better. Dean wouldn't want him human.
"Wait. You're actually considering this, though, aren't you?" Dean gently lifted Cas's head up with a finger under the angel's chin. "Becoming a human again?"
"I've been considering it for a while now actually," he admitted quietly.
"You have?" Dean's eyes narrowed. "Why?"
He forced a gentle laugh. He had thought that was obvious. "I struggle as an angel." He always had unfortunately. "My emotions get the better of me nowadays. I find myself at war with myself. I used to be able to suppress it better, but now" he shrugged "I can't. In fact, I don't want to sometimes. I want to feel happiness. To taste a good cheeseburger." He then motioned towards the water. "To taste that properly. But all of it, it's just molecules now. I've recently found myself missing humanity more and more sometimes."
"Oh."
He nodded slowly. He may as well go all in then. "And then there's the sexual aspect of this."
Dean instantly coughed violently. "I'm sorry? What?"
"If we were to engage in sexual activity, I would not enjoy it nearly as much as I would as a human. Humans feel things more, connect better. Your souls have a habit of—"
"Uh . . . okay then. I'm going to stop you right there." Dean cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing towards the door with a slightly reddened face. His freckles showed more.
"Unless you don't want—" He had thought for sure that was where this sort of relationship was headed. At least in the shows it always did. Though, typically, it happened a lot quicker than eleven years of unresolved sexual tension. But he'd blame his dick of a father for that.
"No." Dean turned back sharply. "I wasn't saying that. I just . . . it's new to me, all right?"
Cas raised a brow, though. "You've had sex before. Numerous times in fact. You used to parade them around me like—"
"What the hell?" Dean scoffed. "Uh, no I didn't. I didn't 'parade' anyone around you."
"Shall I recite their names, Dean?" he stated dryly. He would likely miss a few.
"Uh . . . dude, that's a little . . ." He shook his head. "No. You don't need to do that. Just . . . I didn't intentionally do that, okay? You and I were just best friends then. That's it."
"Yes, of course, just as are Gabriel and Sam are 'just friends," he drawled back, nodding slowly as more of his strength returned slowly. Friends who shared a bond that was slowly being nurtured and grown over the years. "However, that is a discussion for another day obviously." He caught Dean's eyeroll as the human shook his head. "The last time I was without my Grace—"
"I acted like a bastard to you, I know." His human sighed quietly. "But if this is what you want, then I'll help you navigate humanity. Burritos and honey and booze and a whole hell of a lot of things, Cas. But only if it's what you want, and that you'll be okay with this."
Would he be okay with this? "I won't hear your prayers anymore." That was a negative.
"You sometimes don't hear them now," Dean pointed out.
"Yes. Sometimes," he agreed with another nod. So, not really a big negative, he supposed.
"So, I'll just get better at communicating somehow with you. And I won't put myself in stupid situations where I need you to save me."
Cas chuckled at that. "Yes, you always were the damsel of this relationship, weren't you?"
"What?" Dean hit his arm. "Oh, fuck you, Cas! I saved your ass more times than I can count, and you know it. Maybe you were the damsel of this relationship, yeah?" He then shook his head, chuckling as the comfortable, easy silence fell around them. "So . . ." their eyes met "how do we do this exactly?"
"Make an incision like Gabriel did earlier," he coolly instructed, "and force my Grace to the surface to be expelled."
"So, I can collect it, right?"
"We could, yes."
Dean sighed quietly and shook his head. "But you don't want it collected, do you?"
"It's faulty, damaged. I frankly don't believe I need the reminder of my brokenness."
"Yeah, but what you see broken, I see—I don't know—hardened maybe? You've gone through a lot, so has your Grace. If we let it go, though, you can never get it back, man."
"Yes, I'm aware of that."
"That's a part of you that you'll lose forever. I mean, if the roles were reversed and I had to choose between my damaged soul sitting on a shelf or no soul, I'd take the damaged soul on a shelf." Dean then patted his arm. "But it's your Grace, man. Not mine. I'm just the stupid sentimental human who worries that sometime down the road we'll figure out what this is, and you'll want it back."
"You think I will?"
"It's a part of you. It has been ever since you were created. You'd be losing a part of yourself in the process of it. At least with it in a vial somewhere, you have the option, you know?"
"Yes." That was logical after all. Who was he to argue against logic?
"Okay, so other than that, anything else I should be aware of here?"
"I don't believe so. It will be overwhelming to me at first, I think. I'll have to relearn—"
"How to eat cheeseburgers again?" Dean quipped.
"Yes, and brush my teeth and floss and shower and all of that other human nonsense."
Dean snickered. "Yes, but think of it like this, dude. You also get to learn new stuff."
"Like?"
He shrugged, a shit-eating grin taking over his gorgeous face. "I don't know. You were the one earlier who brought up sex, not me."
"I see." He nodded slowly before he shrugged nonchalantly, deciding to play along again. "And you would be agreeable to teaching me in that regard?" He could show Dean more of what the pizza man had taught him—and the pool boy.
"Agreeable?" Dean ran his tongue across his teeth and chuckled. "It's been eleven years, Cas. Eleven years of us dancing about the damn issue like teenagers. Eleven years of—fuck if Sammy heard this—eye fucking between us and flirting and all that shit. Yeah, man, I'm agreeable. Just, you know, I've got experience with the other team."
Oh. Cas sat up straighter. He could finally tell him. "I know. That's why I've been researching."
"What?" Green eyes widened as Dean let out a choking sound. "You've been— All right. That's it. Your computer privileges have been officially revoked, Angel."
"Why?"
"Because you—" The man held up a hand and shook his head before he tried again. "Sunshine, you're bordering on a porn addiction at this point."
"No more than you are, Dean, considering they were on your computer."
"Hey! I'm not the one we're talking about here. You are. So, let's, you know, drop it. All right?" More of Dean's freckles were showing. He was so beautiful.
Snickering from the doorway caused both men to glance towards it.
"Gabriel!"
"What?" the mischievous man replied with an innocent shrug as he walked towards them. "I said five minutes. It's been eight." His eyes then fell onto the glass of milky water. "I see you brats didn't listen to me." He shook his head and sighed disappointedly.
"We actually have another idea," Dean explained, gaining the sharp amber eyes on him.
"Oh, really?" drawled the big brother back. "And what brilliant idea would this be exactly?"
"Removing my Grace," Cas answered casually.
"What?" His older brother stopped in mid-step, staring at him with wide eyes.
"You heard me. If we removed my Grace—"
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," mumbled the sandy-haired man, glaring upwards.
"It could—"
"Should I pull out my blade then? Get us a few cocktails? Make a party out of it?" he replied dryly, raising a brow. "Or how about I call down the rest of the family and we can all take turns, Cas?"
"Stop being an ass, Gabe."
"You're asking to remove the very Grace that gave my brother life. A bit of my Grace, Dean. Therefore, I think I'm due for being a bit of an ass, thank you. Seeing as how my brother is essentially rejecting me."
"I'm not, though," the Seraph countered. "I'm merely suggesting that while we work on figuring this out, I remove my Grace. Temporarily."
"Oh, come on, Cassie! Cut the crap. Will you?" Gabe retorted. "Once you remove it, you won't ever go back. That's a fact."
"I've been Graceless before."
"Yeah, and if it wouldn't been for dickhead over there, you'd have still been Graceless and happy. Wouldn't you?"
"Hey!"
"Hey yourself, Winchester!" snapped the archangel before he glanced back at his brother. "Admit it. You are your happiest when you're human."
"I can't," Cas replied honestly. "Because the last time I was human, I had zero guidance, zero support. I was alone. I fought for scraps and had to find my own way. Get a job. Eat. Sleep. Shower and all of that. I stole to survive, in fact. It was cold, lonely, terrifying to me. But I won't be alone this time."
"Exactly. You'll have your wonderful boyfriend."
"And my amazing brother," the Seraph pointed out. "And Sam. And a whole group of humans who can help me through this." He then lifted his chin, raising a brow. "However, that doesn't mean when this is over and we figure it out, that I'll choose humanity ultimately, though. I am still an angel, Gabriel, regardless if I have my Grace or not. I am still your brother as well. Your annoying, bratty, little brother who loves you. Even when you're an assbutt and make assumptions."
"Even if he was talking about removing it for good," Dean chimed in, "which he isn't and you'd know that if you listened for a minute, it'd be his decision. Something we'd have to respect."
"Oh, look at you," retorted Gabriel, rolling his eyes. "The ol' dog finally learned some new tricks. Would you look at that?"
"You know, this condescending attitude of yours right now—it ain't a good look on you, man."
"Yeah, well, your oh-so-perfect boyfriend routine, Winchester, is frankly overrated," Gabe shot back, his eyes narrowing rapidly.
"Awe. You think I'm perfect?" mocked the green-eyed man, shaking his head. "Dude, I'm Dean. Remember? You like Sam, the tall one with the long hair like Rapunzel. Kind of a nerd."
"No. Not like," Gabriel snapped. "I love your brother, you idiot!"
"So, why the hell are you here with us then? Go bother him."
Gabriel paused for half a moment before he shook his head with a heavy sigh. "Because I don't want you to remove his Grace."
"It's my decision—"
"I know it's your decisions, Cas!" he sharply interrupted. "I just . . ." His voice trailed off for a moment as he clearly paused to gather his words again. "I'm scared, all right?" He reluctantly glanced up. "And when I get scared, like this, I deflect. It's a stupid thing I learned from Dad. Or Lucifer. One of them. Or both of them. Whatever. Take your damn pick." He huffed, glancing upwards in annoyance.
"Why are you scared?" Cas's blue eyes were blank as his head cocked to one side.
"Because I'm going to lose you. All right? I'm going to lose you again. And I don't want that."
"Lose me?" He glanced towards Dean before his brows furrowed more. "But if I'm human, I'll no longer need your Grace."
"Exactly!" his older brother replied, throwing his hands up with another scoff. "So, you won't need me anymore. You'll have Dean."
"I don't understand."
"Cas, what can I teach you about humanity? Honestly?" He didn't wait for the reply, though. "Nothing really if we're honest, seeing as how I've been too damn afraid even to consider what you are wanting to do. So, what do you need me for?"
"Gabriel—"
"I mean, I stupidly thought I came back to—I don't know—fix this between us, to be brothers again, to prove that not all of us are winged dicks or something. But you don't need me." He shrugged. "Somehow—and I really don't know how because I was really trying here, kiddo—I fucked this up! Like usual." He then roughly ran hands down his face, groaning into them a moment later. Hiding behind his hands, he drew in a needless breath. The seconds ticked by. His shoulders shook minutely before his hands fell back to his sides. His face completely honest for once. "I knew I would have to share you with him. I'm not an idiot. You two were obvious. But, Cas, it just feels like without your Grace, we'll have nothing in common anymore. No reason to—" His eyes then snapped back, meeting the baby blues. More of his words rambled out. "I'd love to taste something other than sweets. Just once. Did you know that?" Again, he pushed forward and continued with his word vomit. "Because after so many years of it, even that doesn't taste quite the same anymore. So, I mean, yeah, I'm scared. I'm jealous. I'm a whole litany of things right now, kiddo, but mostly scared."
Cas swallowed the growing lump in his throat as he listened. How could his brother think that? Any of that? He watched the sandy-haired archangel for a moment, feeling the emotions swirl in his vessel. His life didn't revolve solely around Dean. It perhaps used to, unfortunately, but he had grown close to Sam as well. And Gabriel. And Sheriffs Mills and Hanscum. And the kids obviously. He had an actual family now. How could Gabriel think for a single second that he wasn't a part of that family?
"But if you're serious about this," Gabriel quietly remarked. "I mean, yeah, I'll stand by, but, kiddo, I only ask for one thing. That you don't—I don't deal well with being alone anymore, okay? And . . . yeah." He cleared his throat, forcing a smile. "Not sure where all that came from, but . . . more you know, yeah?" he muttered with an awkward laugh. His eyes fell back to the floor.
When Cas felt Dean move beside him, he quickly grabbed the man's upper arm, his fingers curling tightly around the tight muscle. If anyone was going to smack his brother upside the head, it would be him. He frowned when he realized that Dean still was able to kick Gabriel in the shin.
"You feathery dumbass!" Dean exclaimed, shaking his head.
Cas's fingers instantly curled painfully around his human's arm then, cutting him off from saying more and kicking the angel when he was already metaphorically down.
"While I disagree with his words," the Seraph began quietly "I do find myself agreeing with the sentiment unfortunately. How could you even think that? For even a second?" His frown grew when his brother's shoulders sagged more. Had his brother truly not recognized their bond for what it was? Well, then he'd educate him. "If there is one thing that I have learned during my time with the Winchesters these past eleven years, it is family and the importance of it. And you, my misguided big brother, are a part of this family. And you will never be alone. Not anymore. You are my brother, my oldest one. My only one who actually gives a damn about me and who, ironically enough, hasn't tried to kill me yet."
A small beginning of a smile formed on Gabriel's lips.
"Give me time, little bro," the archangel murmured lightly.
"My Grace doesn't make us brothers, Gabriel. Regardless of the fact you used a bit of yours to create me, it doesn't make us family. What makes us one is how you've sat with me during this time and cared for me. Conjured up honey-infused water to make it taste better. What makes us one is also that I don't have to question if you love me. I know you do. Just as I know you would do anything for me, Gabriel. That makes us family."
"Exactly. Family don't end with blood, dumbass," Dean drawled with a faint smile.
"I stand corrected," conceded the archangel, dipping his head forward.
"Yeah, you do."
Cas lulled his head to the side to glance at his Hunter with a raised brow.
"What?" Bright green eyes glanced from Cas to Gabe and then back to Cas. "What'd I say?"
The deep blues rolled, however. Sometimes Dean was too much. He turned his attention back on his brother.
"You will not lose me. You will have to continue sharing of course, but considering your endgame is Sam—" Cas elbowed his Hunter hard in the ribs when Dean made a mock gag sound. "I doubt it will be a problem. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you."
Gabriel nodded slowly. "All right. Fine. You win." He then smirked and added, "This round at least. We'll see about next time."
Nodding slowly, Cas glanced at Dean before he sighed inwardly. "We'll bottle my remaining Grace. However, and you may feel free to say no, but as you pointed out, you are the one who added your Grace to mine, Gabriel. And you've done it again for me. And you also—forgive me, Dean—know where my Grace is currently as you can see it and would not need to dig for it as he would."
"You want me to remove your Grace?"
"Yes."
"Cas—"
He held up a hand, though. "I realize what I am asking is not easy for you. The last time my Grace was removed, it was done forcefully, against my will. And it hurt like a bitch frankly."
Gabe and Dean both chuckled quietly.
"I'm anticipating the same this time unfortunately." He glanced at his Hunter before he turned back to his brother. "With that in mind, it is obvious Dean cannot do it. I would not want him to."
"So, you ask your big brother to do it instead?" Gabriel forced his grin. "Yay me."
"Brother, please," the Seraph replied quietly. "I'm not disregarding the emotional toll this will have on you. Quite the opposite. However, I thought you might . . . use this opportunity," he stated with a pointed look towards the sandy-haired man.
"Use this—what?" Amber eyes snapped over to the Hunter. "Dean-o, what's he talking about?"
"I don't know, man. Sometimes the things he says goes over my head."
Cas rolled his eyes again and sighed. Sometimes, it was like talking to brick walls with these two. "Instead of exposing yourself as you just did with me, you could speak openly with Sam."
"Okay . . . and then?" His brother motioned for him to continue.
"And inform him of how you don't wish to be alone."
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa there, Sunshine!" Dean huffed, his eyes widening as his mouth dropped. "Are you pimping my brother out to yours?"
"No."
"Cas!"
"I am not 'pimping' either of them out. I'm merely suggesting that if he wishes for Sam to see him as a potential—"
Dean scoffed. "Yeah, well, only flaw in that is Sammy—"
"I think you would be surprised, Dean," Cas replied dryly.
"Wait. What?" Both Dean and Gabe stared back at him with wide eyes.
"What do you know, little bro?" Gabriel demanded.
"Nothing," he answered, albeit a little too quickly.
"Oh, crap! That definitely means you know something," the Hunter stated, briefly looking towards Gabriel. "He's a horrible liar."
"Yeah, I remember, Winchester." He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Seeing as how he was lying to me a millennia before your twinkling soul even showed up." He then crossed his arms. "Out with it, brat. What do you know?"
"Nothing."
"Yeah, somehow, I don't believe you."
"Yeah, me neither," Dean agreed, turning on him. "What'd Sammy say?"
"Nothing."
He really needed to get better at deception clearly. Though, he was attempting to lie to the two most important people in his life. He supposed that had a hand in it as well. Possibly.
"Cas!"
He hated when Dean used that tone. It made him want to verbally vomit out everything that he had witnessed or done in his long life starting back to creation. He glanced at the man and sighed before he reluctantly turned towards his brother.
"Merely that he enjoys your talks. That's it."
Gabriel blinked in surprise. "He does?"
"Yes."
"Oh." The whiskey-eyes darted away as the archangel considered this for a moment. He soon started to rake his teeth against his bottom lip. A full minute later, he finally asked, "Did he say why?"
His poor brother. So smitten. He remembered that phase fondly. Sort of. Most of the time, if he were honest, he was annoyed with his sarcastic, emotionally constipated Righteous Man who was so damn infuriating sometimes that he wanted to shake him repeatedly. Or kiss him. He wavered between both actions many times over the years, choosing neither thankfully.
"I'd imagine it's because you make him laugh," Cas answered honestly. "However, you'd have to ask him for certain."
"Wait. So, you're saying Sammy likes the whole . . . innuendo stuff?"
"No. What I said was that he stated he enjoyed their talks, Dean."
He could see the human's wheels turn in his mind. Some things never changed. He bit back his annoyed sigh and waited. It wouldn't be long before the sarcasm would roll off the man's tongue.
"Okay, but ninety percent of that is like innuendo, isn't it?"
"Eh, more like ninety-five really," Gabriel stated with a silent shrug. "Could be higher actually. It really depends on my mood. Or what your brother's wearing."
"Ugh! Dude! Gross!" Dean shook his head. "I am literally standing right here."
The archangel snorted. "What's wrong, Dean-o? You don't like it when someone rubs your nose in your brother's relationship with his angel?"
"You don't have a relationship with—"
"Yet!" Gabriel interrupted, wagging his finger with a wide grin. "I don't have a relationship with Sam-moose yet, Dean-o!"
"Ugh. I need brain bleach," the Hunter muttered.
The shorter man snorted before he glanced back towards Cas. "These humans of ours, am I right? The things we could teach them about sex . . ."
"Gabe!"
"What?" His grin widened as he lazily turned towards Dean. "You haven't even made it past first base with him, have you, oh great supposed sex God of Kansas?"
"That is none of your damn business," the Hunter snapped back, glaring at him.
"Touchy, aren't you?" Gabe's grin then turned predatory. "Just not touching Cas clearly."
"Sam!" Dean yelled.
Gabe snickered.
Cas sighed heavily and shook his head. It was like twelve-year-olds had suddenly invaded the two older brothers again. While it was semi-amusing, it did annoy him as well. He felt like shit, and those two were bickering like children. Did they truly forget about his illness? He didn't. He couldn't. And he could start to feel his vessel's temperature rise again, along with his aches and pains.
It was a few moments before the tall, long-haired Hunter walked into the infirmary.
"What?" Sam asked, his eyes moving from Gabriel to his older brother.
"Grab your fucking boyfriend—"
"Whoa, what?" the tall Hunter said, rearing back in surprise. "Gabe isn't my—"
"Just get him the fuck out of here before I gank him, Samantha!" Dean growled.
"Tsk, tsk, aren't you forgettin' somethin', oh-future-brother-in-law-of-mine?" the archangel drawled, his shit-eating grinning taking up his entire face now.
"You mean, where I take Cas's shiny Angel blade and shove it up your goddamn ass? That something?" Dean quipped with a maniacal look.
"Guys, that's enough," sighed Sam, shaking his head. "Honestly."
"Whatever you say, my sweet moose," the archangel replied dazedly.
Dean instantly gagged and faked vomiting in response.
Cas couldn't help it. He immediately fell back against the cot and glanced upwards at the ceiling. He was too tired for their ridiculousness. He caught Sam step into his vision and glance down at him worriedly a moment later, but the angel merely raised a brow back as if to say, 'This is going to be a while. Wake me when they stop.' Sam clearly understood his look and nodded, turning his attention back on the bickering older brothers.
"In case you two haven't noticed here," Sam stated neutrally, as if he was talking about the weather, "Cas is still sick, guys."
One could almost hear the winces from the older brothers as they instantly went silent.
"Now, I don't know what brought this latest thing on. And, frankly, I don't care either," the youngest Winchester explained with a shrug as he glanced at them. "Because the only thing I care about is getting Cas better. That said, your arguing and bickering like this—it's not helping. In fact, it's only leading to yet another distraction, and we have plenty of those already. So, I suggest you two grow the fuck up and stop. Or else" Sam pointed at the door "you can get the hell out."
Cas's head lulled to the side in surprise. He caught the hazel eyes briefly meeting his look before Sam turned back to the others. It was strange to think there used to be a time when Sam would not dare talk to his brother like this. The man had grown over the years clearly. Good for him.
"Well, would you look at my baby brother," Dean said with a proud laugh.
Gabriel for once didn't take the bait. "Got it, Sam."
The Seraph kept his eyes focused on a crack in the ceiling for a moment. He'd give their newfound truce ten minutes. And that was being generous actually. He waited for someone to say something, but the silence lingered.
His temperature had returned to 106, he realized, after taking inventory of everything that was wrong. He considered informing them of this, but he ultimately decided against it. 106 wasn't too dangerous yet by his estimate. It was just slightly uncomfortable. He could feel sweat start to pool as his vessel tried to accommodate for the extra body heat. A bitter chuckle fell from his lips as he recalled his comment once about not sweating under any circumstances. Clearly, that was not the case anymore.
"Hey, man," Dean quietly murmured, stepping forward from the side of the cot and glancing down at him with knitted brows. "You good?"
A snort bubbled up. Was he good?
Much too exhausted now to care about anything, his verbal filter fell completely.
"Am I good?" he repeated with a tired chuckle. "I'm sweating, Dean. I'm badly craving salt and cheeseburgers. And chocolate shakes if I'm honest." And those were just the first three things that came to his mind in terms of nourishment. "Then we have the chills. Oh, and the aches and pains. They're a joy, I assure you," he remarked dryly. "I want food. It doesn't matter what kind. Yet I know if I even look at it, I'll find myself heaving. Then there's the exhaustion creeping into my vessel."
Dean's eyes darted away guiltily.
"And those are just my physical symptoms currently. I haven't even begun to delve into my annoyance at you and Gabriel. But I believe Sam covered that rather well actually." His eyes traced the crack slowly, feeling the urge to sleep increase dramatically. His temperature must have been rising again unfortunately, he theorized. "The only thing I would add is that the longer we delay with removing my Grace, the more I want to shake you two." He rolled his head slightly to find his brother, taking note of the shame-filled look on the archangel. "If I thought I wouldn't kill myself accidentally, I'd have ripped it out hours ago and saved myself the trouble of witnessing your foolishness."
"I'm sorry, kiddo."
He snorted in response, rolling his eyes. "You want to make it up to me?" He met the somber amber orbs. "Then, draw your blade, Brother, and remove it so I can finally rest. Because I'm tired, Gabriel. I'm tired and hungry and thirsty and sick and so many other things right now."
"All right." His older brother forced a thin smile. "You win, Cassie." His head turned to the side. "Boys, will you help him sit up for a moment?"
Both Sam and Dean wordlessly went to the angel's side. A few tugs a moment later, and Cas was sitting up again. Most of his weight was against Dean who now sat behind him, Cas's usual messy bedhead resting back on the human's shoulder lightly.
Gabriel conjured up an empty vial and silently handed it to Dean. He then allowed his golden, delicately etched blade to slip into his hand.
Deep blues painted in all the shades of the ocean met the golden-brown honey tones.
A moment later, thick lashes fluttered closed in acceptance, hiding the cerulean.
Since they had wasted so much time already unfortunately, his big brother pressed the thin tip of his blade against Cas's throat and made the cut. The deadly sharp point sliced through, allowing weak, flickering Angelic Grace to glow out of the wound. Cas bit his lip to hold back his cries of pain.
Dean held the vial steady as the ethereal Grace floated in and pooled inside.
The sweet blue-eyed angel had no way of knowing how much had been gathered when it was said and done. However, he could tell from his brother's face—somber and regretful—and Dean's hold on him—rigid and tense—that it was far less than what they were expecting.
When he felt Dean pull his hand back a moment later, he shivered and moved back further against the man. It was the cold of humanity that bothered him the most sometimes, he'd admit. He couldn't understand how humans had survived this long when they were always so cold all the time.
Corking the vial, Dean quickly set it aside on the tray, allowing Cas to confirm his theory finally.
Three drops. That was all that was left. Three measly drops.
His chest clenched at the sight. He drew in a subdued breath, shuddering slightly, unable to look away. That was all that was left? His arms instinctively wrapped around his midsection, and his head bowed. If he had thought he had been in pain before, he now knew that had been nothing compared to this emptiness he felt now.
"Cas?" Dean quietly murmured behind him.
The newly turned human shivered viciously again as he curled in on himself more, chasing after warmth and fullness.
This time it was worse, so much worse, than when he was last without his Grace.
He didn't know how that could be, but it was.
He felt a sob deep in his chest work its way up his throat. He desperately tried to suppress it every way he could think of to prevent the display of weakness. But he failed. Like always. The first hitch of breath instantly cascaded into choked cries that rapidly morphed into a complete breakdown.
His wings!
No longer was that familiar weight where his shoulder blades came together. For the first time in a long time, he also didn't feel the ache in them. Instead, he felt nothing but hollowness. Emptiness.
Arms enveloped tightly around him. Loving whispers blanketed him.
But for the broken, blue-eyed, messy-haired former angel, none of that even registered. Left behind now was a terrible void he knew could never be fully filled again no matter what he did. So, what honestly was the point? No wings. No Grace. Just cold emptiness.
Next time on Angel Flu: Cas settles in with his new Gracelessness and finally has a long overdue conversation with his brother. Lots of Domestic Destiel coming up. :)