A/N: So, I know. It's not Wednesday. I couldn't help myself, though. The comments and kudos and likes-it's all making me want to post faster for you than a full week. Not to mention, I'm pretty proud of this chapter. It's so fluffy. Except for that one part. But that's brief. As always enjoy, leave me a line if you want a faster update on that last chapter.
Restfulness Rejuvenation
A day later under the glow of his bottled Grace that rested on a shelf above the bed, Cas learned the meaning of 'blanket burrito.' The second he felt the heavy weight of the multiple fuzzy blankets previously wrapped around so lovingly, he realized the sheer awesomeness of it and decided that he would remain in one forever. They were warm and fuzzy, and everything he needed honestly.
His cheek rubbed gently against one of the fluffy blankets—one Dean had just re-situated two minutes ago before leaving in fact—as he turned his head to the doorway. A ghostly smile made its way to his lips as he watched the taller man stride in balancing two plates of food on his arms with two beers in his hands. Ever since his breakdown, Dean had made it a point to sit with him, pretending everything was still fine. And during these moments, the former angel could almost believe that lie.
"So, I couldn't remember how you liked your eggs," rambled the green-eyed Hunter as he approached. "I thought maybe scrambled, but then I remembered you were all like Sammy the last time, health nut and stuff. But, yeah, we've got scrambled, poached, hard-boiled, omelet, you name it."
Cas forced a chuckle as he noticed the other prominent item on the plates. "And bacon, I see."
"Well, yeah," Dean drawled with a wide cocky grin. "I mean, who doesn't like bacon?"
Grabbing the offered plate, the messy-haired man inclined his head before he looked it over.
"I tried to make some of it healthy for you at least." His boyfriend pointed towards the omelet. "All fresh veggies were cut and washed today, and I used coconut oil instead of the usual stuff because Sammy says that's healthier or something." He shrugged before he glanced at him. "And whatever you don't like, man, just skip it and move on to the next. I'll eat whatever you don't."
"What if I eat it all?" Cas deadpanned. They had settled into a routine of easy teasing lately.
"Well, then I'm screwed obviously," Dean replied before he chuckled deeply. "Don't worry about it, though. I'm sure I can find something." He then jerked his head towards the plate. "And if you want something less greasy or whatever, I've got pancakes I can make or, hell, fresh fruit. We even have the good donuts, man. So, eat up."
"Thank you, Dean."
The Hunter waved his gratitude away, though, cracking open both of their beers.
Cas tilted his head in response. "Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it nine?" the former angel asked before he chose a piece of bacon to nibble on. He did admittedly enjoy the taste of meat the most.
"Yeah, so?" His Hunter obviously saw nothing wrong with this.
"Is there not a rule about drinking this early?"
"Psh. Only for losers like Sammy," he replied with another shrug. "But not for men like us, Cas."
Blue eyes stared harder at the lighter spiky brown-haired man.
"What?" Dean glanced down at himself a moment later, clearly confused. "Do I have something on my face?"
"No."
"Then what's with the stare, dude?" The former angel just continued to watch his Hunter silently, though. It'd come to him. It always did eventually. When green eyes widened almost comically several seconds later, Dean let out a little sound. "No." He groaned, his fingers curling tighter around his beer as if he expected Cas to snatch it out of his hands. "Come on, man! You gotta be kidding."
"I can't heal your liver anymore, Dean," he quietly pointed out. "So, perhaps it's time you—"
"Can't heal my—what the hell are you talking about?" His boyfriend then scoffed, shaking his head. "Wait. Are you sayin' you—oh, son of a bitch!"
"I'm not asking you to give up cold chicken."
"Turkey, Cas. It's cold turkey," the man muttered, rolling his green eyes. "And thank God for that. Because if you were, I'd dump your ass." He then raised a brow. "And I'd take the blankets too."
Cas instantly pulled the blankets tighter around himself protectively. Like hell would Dean take these warm fuzzy instruments of healing from him. His grip was second to none.
Shaking his head, the Hunter groaned loudly, his shoulders sagging. The brilliant forest green eyes fell back to the beer in his hand, as his lip curled slightly in obvious disgust.
"Fine," grumbled the man. "I'll get us fucking juice then." He muttered something else under his breath, too low for Cas to catch, as he turned to leave.
"Perhaps something not so acidic please?" suggested the former angel before he instantly winced when his boyfriend whirled back. Oh, Dean did not like that suggestion clearly.
"What?"
"Juice—it's known to be highly acidic and contain large amounts of sugar."
Dean stared at him blankly. His right eye then twitched. He forced his smile even more a second later, which gave it an almost deadly appearance.
"Fine," the Hunter spat out, clearly seething. "What about fucking water? Is that okay?"
The word slipped out before Cas could even stop himself, "Tap?"
His human inhaled sharply, green eyes glancing upwards before they snapped closed. He breathed in and out for a few moments in complete raging silence, causing Cas's insides to knot. The man's entire body was rigid and obviously full of fury. A second later, green eyes reopened.
"Yes, tap," Dean said through clenched teeth. "Because what the fuck else would it be, Cas?" he mumbled before he made another sound and took a step back.
The former Seraph tilted his head slightly as he watched the man. "What about almond milk?"
"Almond milk?" his boyfriend repeated, eyes widening again.
"Yes. It's enriched with—"
Throwing his hands up into the air, the eldest Winchester spun around, causing Cas to shut up in surprise. "Almond milk it is," the man growled, clearly enraged by their talk. "Though, how the fuck it can call itself milk is—where the hell are its—but, sure, Cas, I'll get your goddamn almond milk. I'll get it right fuckin' . . ." More words then were uttered under his breath—or rather hissed—as the tall Hunter stormed out of the room, leaving the fallen angel to stare into the empty doorway.
He hadn't meant to upset Dean. He was merely asking a question.
While they were all hoping human!Cas would be a temporary thing again, the angel also knew he needed to take care of his body now in case it wasn't. He couldn't rely solely on his Grace anymore to maintain Jimmy Novak's physique. He would have to eat healthy, exercise, sleep well: the whole ritual humans hated to do. While it wouldn't be that difficult for him really, he did feel it was important to have Dean partake as well. The Hunter wasn't getting any younger, and Dean had unfortunately taken very poor care of his body over the years. It could turn into something they bonded over. Hopefully.
If Dean didn't kill him first that was.
A sudden knock against the doorframe caused the former angel to jerk in surprise.
"Mornin'," Gabriel remarked coolly, slowly stepping inside. He had changed out of his button-down shirt and jeans Cas had last seen him wearing. He now wore a gray t-shirt with a large winged moose in the middle that read 'Got Moose?' and pair of black fuzzy pajama bottoms. His older brother looked extremely relaxed and comfy—and entirely human. Amber eyes briefly moved over him in obvious examination before they returned to the withdrawn blues. "So, how'd you sleep?"
Cas shrugged listlessly. He couldn't actually recall. In fact, it was his wake up that was more memorable to him. He had woken up feeling warm and loved and safe. But mostly loved.
"Cassie?" quietly prodded Gabriel, obviously wanting a verbal answer.
The former angel glanced down at his plate soon after. He should probably eat more than just a few pieces of bacon. Dean had clearly spent a lot of time and energy on this for him.
"Castiel."
He found his plate of food oddly more fascinating than his brother. Who knew?
"Brat, I'm talking to you here," Gabriel grumped.
Yes, he knew. He'd have thought his brother, being quite older than him, would have recognized that he didn't want to talk about this in the slightest. Though, Gabe was always special, he supposed.
Picking up his fork, the blue-eyed man stabbed a piece of omelet and took a small bite of it. The rich flavors instantly flooded his senses, sending up little bursts of tastes. Damn, that was good!
"Don't make me take that plate from you," his older brother warned.
Cas's hands instantly brought his plate closer into his chest as he glared. Like hell would his brother—
"Honestly, Cas, you look ridiculous."
"No. You look ridiculous," shot back the former Seraph with a huff. "I'm merely eating." He took an even bigger bite this time, hoping it'd help Gabe get a clue. His eyes closed directly after he tasted the peppers, ham, egg, and cheese. Oh, that cheese was positively sinful . . . and awesome.
"You need a moment alone with your omelet?" Gabriel drawled sarcastically.
"Why?" Deep blues reopened as he glanced back. His brother had moved to his bedside now.
"Because you're looking—you know what—nah." The archangel shook his head and shrugged. "I'll let Dean-o explain that one to you." The sandy-haired man then sighed heavily. "But it is nice to see you eating, though. And seemingly better than, you know, last night."
"Ah." The messy-haired former angel nodded before he speared himself another bite, savoring all of it entirely. He very much enjoyed this more than tasteless molecules all the damn time. Food was positively remarkable. Well, Dean's food at least. Not that there was ever a doubt really.
"You are better, right?"
"Compared to?" Cas queried, opening an eye towards him with mild exasperation. Gabe was interrupting horribly. That said, he didn't want his brother to leave, merely just drop the conversation.
"I don't know. Any of it. All of it," his older brother replied with a scoff. "I mean, kiddo, you were dying on me. And then you shut down. And—" He sighed heavily as his words unexpectedly cut out. When he spoke again, his voice was softer. "I didn't know what to think."
"You could have trusted me," the younger pointed out. "Dean did."
The amber eyes sharpened at once. "What?" His brother then huffed when he didn't answer. Gabe shook his head in obvious frustration. "You seriously believe your boyfriend—Dean Winchester—trusted you? More than even I did?" He scoffed, starting to pace. "Wow, kiddo. I wish I had your faith."
Cas's head tilted. "What do you mean?" The food was settling strangely now than before.
"Nothing." His big brother scoffed again. "It doesn't matter."
"It appears that it does, though, judging by your so-called current display of 'bitchiness," the younger brother stated dryly. And the frequent angry pacing Gabe was currently doing as well.
"We prayed for you, brat. Dean and me. And Sammy and the kids. And Mom 1 and 2. Hell, even Balthy joined in at one point. We sent every freaking goddamn prayer we had up there. Directing it all towards the Heavenly Host, begging them to send help. So, you think we trusted you? That Dean trusted you?" Gabe stopped, staring at him somberly. "Kiddo, I wish I could say we did, but we didn't. Not then. Because in that moment, all we could think about was how we all fucked up and would lose you again. Hell, Cas, I prayed to fucking Dad for you! Begged him and promised him all sorts of crap just to get you—" The older angel released a loud breath to end his thought, his head falling forward slightly.
"What?"
"You shut down on us." His brother's voice was quiet as he slowly walked back like he was approaching a wounded animal. "It was like you lost your will to survive. Like you—like nothing mattered anymore. It was positively frightening. I've never seen anything like that before."
"Oh."
That explained quite a lot. Especially Dean's behavior if he were honest. He hadn't meant to worry or scare them, though. He hadn't meant really anything actually. He just needed a moment.
"Yeah." Gabe hooked his thumb into his pajama pocket casually as he stood beside the bed. "So, you know, forgive me for checking up on you, brat, but the last I saw was you staring off into space, not reacting to a damn thing, as Dean held you."
"That does seem rather . . ." He paused and searched for the right word. After a few moments of silence, though, it was clear there wasn't one. He silently set his half-eaten plate down, no longer feeling hungry. "I did state prior to removing my Grace, however, that it is an overwhelming experience."
"You can't be serious," his brother stated, stunned, taking a step back with wide whiskey eyes.
"I am." He met his brother's gaze. "I did warn of this effect beforehand."
"Oh, well, sorry there, kiddo." Gabe threw his hands up. "You see, all of us who love you, though—we were sort of losing our fucking minds. But, yeah, sure. Obviously, we should have remembered that you had stated it'd be overwhelming. Of course you told us," he snapped.
"There's no need for theatrics, Gabriel. I'm fine now. Alive and breathing. And extremely warm in this." He tugged on the blankets wrapped around him. "It's called a 'Blanket Burrito' according to Dean." He smiled inwardly. "It's very comfortable. You should try one sometime. It is very soothing."
"Oh really?" retorted his brother, clearly unamused.
He nodded. "In fact, I'm very glad he decided to wrap me in this last night. He stated it was done to ensure I would feel like I was always being hugged, of course. And I do feel like that."
Amber eyes flashed angrily for some strange reason a second later before his brother chuckled darkly. "Did he now?" Another hollow laugh fell from Gabe's lips as his eyes grew colder. "Tell me, little brother. Did Dean tell you that?" he growled. "That he was the one who wrapped you up in the blankets like that?"
"Well, actually, no." Cas blinked, thinking back on it. Dean hadn't said those exact words.
"Because that son of a bitch didn't!" declared his brother, his eyes flashing with sparks of Grace as he interrupted. "I was the one who wrapped you up in that, Castiel. Not Dean. Not Sam. Me! But, sure, give fucking Dean the credit. It's not like I was the one who realized your panic had to do with you no longer feeling your wings. Or how you felt so much colder than before. Or how empty you were feeling inside. No, no, of course—Dean Winchester is your hero in this case. Like always."
"For fuck's sake," huffed the green-eyed Hunter, finally returning from his literal milk run. "That's not what he's saying, dude! So, stop being jealous and acting like a little whiny bitch, Gabe. Because if I can believe Cas can love us both, so can you."
"You don't—"
"What?" Dean scoffed, cutting in sharply as he took a step towards the archangel. "I couldn't possibly know the voice inside your head going on about how you'll always be alone, never good enough, not worth a damn, unlovable, that your brother would be happier without you, all that shit? Yeah, man. Sure. I clearly don't know a fuckin' thing about that." He shrugged a second later, rolling his eyes. "I mean, I'm only Dean Fuckin' Winchester after all." He scoffed, brushing past the shorter man. "Pick up your dad's book sometime, Gabe. You'll see how—and fuck me for saying this—you and I aren't really all that different. Us loving nerdy dudes is one of the many things we have in common."
Cas cocked his head sideways before he looked from his brother to Dean.
"Well, yes, Dean," remarked the blue-eyed man. "We established that months ago, I believe."
"Oh, shut it, bedhead!" huffed his boyfriend with a sigh.
Cas frowned in response. Well, that was rude. "You first, assbutt."
His older brother's earlier anger vanished again. His shoulders sagged in defeat before he adopted a faint smirk, obviously allowing their banter to distract him from his thoughts. "And that right there is why Team Sabriel will always beat Team Destiel. Because what Sammy and I—"
"You mean," interrupted Dean, raising a brow, "where you're lusting after my baby brother like the perv you are and are sexually harassing him constantly?" He shrugged with his hands. "Like that?"
"I am not—"
"Gabe, buddy, ol' pal," the eldest Winchester drawled, "if you looked up sexual harassment in the dictionary, there'd be your picture right there, front and center!"
The archangel huffed.
"And your grinning picture would be next to sexual deviant, Winchester," shot back Gabe.
"Oh, hardy-har, asshole," Dean grumbled, setting down Cas's glass of almond milk.
What would his be, the former Seraph wondered, his mind wandering. He supposed Heaven would say it'd be under the word 'Broken' as they threw that term the most at him. But he didn't feel that way currently. He could understand their terms. It partly worked for them. Though, why both chose overtly sexual terms was beyond him. They probably both thought it was funny or something.
"I think mine would be next to the word 'rebel," suddenly announced the newly turned human a few moments later after he had debated long and hard on this. As if the correct answer would solve all his problems. Gabe and Dean instantly went quiet. Cas glanced at them and noticed their surprised looks. Had he chosen the wrong word? He had thought it worked rather nicely.
"I'd say it's more like it'd be 'angel,' Sunshine," drawled his boyfriend with a quiet chuckle.
"But—"
"Just go with it, baby bro," his older brother sighed heavily.
"Fine."
Cas conceded. He was no longer an angel, though. He was human now. So, how would 'angel' work even now? Rebel, though—he was always a rebel. Human!Castiel. Leviathan!Castiel. God!Castiel. Hell, he was even a rebel during the whole Lucifer debacle.
"Not that anyone cares, I'm sure," a familiar British voice piped up from the doorway, gaining everyone's instant attention, Cas's most of all. Since when had Dean's room become a series of revolving doors? Had the former angel caused this as well? It would not bode well for him if it had. Appearing somewhat bored by the trio, Balthazar's steely gray eyes darted about the room. "But mine would obviously be under 'hedonism." He chuckled quietly before he smoothed down his tight, black V-neck shirt followed by brushing off his jeans. "And I disagree about yours, Cassie."
"You do?" Finally! Someone agreed with him.
"Of course." The smirk deepened, which caused the former Seraph's stomach to drop. Oh no. "You're clearly the brat in this dysfunctional family of ours."
Stormy blues glared back instantly. He really hated Balthazar sometimes. Why had the Seraph felt sorry for killing his brother again?
"If I'm the brat, then you're the wild child."
"Guilty as charged," the blond drawled with his hands held up nonchalantly.
The two younger brothers then turned to their eldest sibling in perfect sync.
"Oh, no you don't," warned Gabe, wagging a finger at them.
Balthazar snickered, turning to glance at his messy dark-haired brother. "It's just like old times again, isn't it, Cassie?"
"Perhaps."
"Don't make me snap my fingers, you two."
"There it is!" Both younger brothers declared, dissolving into a fit of laughter a moment later.
Gabe sighed heavily, rolling his eyes with a shake of his head. "Hilarious." He then walked back towards the doorway, gently grabbing the blond angel's arm above his elbow to steer him out. "Come on, Balthazar. Let's let the lovebirds have their moment and bug Mom again."
"That is a rather enjoyable thing, isn't it?" remarked the angel who hated Celine Dion. He then paused a moment later, slowly turning back. His eyes were lit up with sheer mischief. "Remember. Love sucks, boys. But true love—it swallows, however."
"Balthazar!"
"What?" The blond then nodded, seemingly understanding. "Oh, right." He cleared his throat. "Apologies. I meant to say instead, 'Leash your pet before launching your jet." At their horrified looks, he frowned. "What? Safe sex practices are very important. Especially in—"
Both Gabriel and Balthazar suddenly vanished from the room with a harsh snap.
Dean was the first to recover a moment later, scoffing. "All right then. Moving on." He then shook his head. "Seriously, though, we're definitely warding our room to keep those idiots out."
Cas softly chuckled, knowing the Hunter was only half-serious about it.
"So, almond milk." Dean picked the glass up and held it out to him. "Sammy luckily had some shoved in the way back of the fridge." Green eyes then glanced at the half-eaten plate on the nightstand. "You liked the omelets then but not the rest?"
"No. I—" The former angel sighed quietly. "I'm no longer hungry it would seem."
Dean's eyes instantly narrowed on him. "What? Why?" He looked him over as if Cas was still ill. "You feeling all right? Or is it just—I mean, I can go get that fruit instead. Just say the word, man."
His lip quirked faintly as he shook his head. "No, Dean. You don't need to do that."
"You have to eat, though."
"I'm aware." The newly human then chewed on his bottom lip quietly, his mind pondering. He could just ask straight out what he wanted and risk it all going to hell like usual. So far his Hunter had shown he was patient after all. Or he could—
"Cas?"
He winced in response. The Hunter could always see through him somehow.
"Hey. You have to talk to me, okay? Cause I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."
"I know." Cas met the bright green eyes he loved so much. "But I don't know if I can. Because nothing is wrong, and that's the problem. How do you fix something when nothing is wrong?"
"Okay." The man sat down on the edge of the bed, facing him.
"I'm—it's strange. My brothers annoy me greatly, and yet I don't want them to leave."
Dean nodded back slowly. "So, do you want me to go see where they flew off to then?"
"No. Because I enjoy our time alone together as well."
Smiling inwardly at that, his boyfriend nodded, clearly enjoying the sentiment.
"And yet I feel . . ." Lost? No that wasn't it. The messy-haired man struggled to come up with the words. It was important, though, whatever he was trying to say. "I have a family, Dean."
"Yeah, you do. A big dysfunctional family," the eldest Winchester teased with a chuckle. "But they love you. The ones who matter at least. We all do, Cas." He then smiled wider, leaning towards him. His freckles were so beautiful then that the former angel nearly started counting them again. It was his favorite activity after all. "Me especially."
"I know." He then sighed quietly, his head reluctantly turning away so he could concentrate again. "I—I can't explain this. I want to be with you. But I also want to be with them. And with Jack and Claire. And speak with Sam and the sheriffs. I'm . . . conflicted." He peeked towards the silent man. Dean's face was blank, not giving away any of the man's thoughts. "I used to know what to do. What my next move was. Now, I'm—I'm at a loss. I just want all of it. At once. All the time." The words started flowing easier, and the heaviness he felt was lessening. "Because I feel as if I don't, I'll miss something important. Time was . . . I didn't think on it much before as an angel. What felt long to you was mere moments to me. And now . . . if I spend all my time with you, then I'm neglecting the others who love me. Aren't I? And that's not fair to anyone." Dean's eyes finally glanced down, which caused Cas's voice to falter. "I'm sorry. I . . . I can't even be a human right it would seem."
Green eyes snapped up instantly, though. "No, man. There's no reason to apologize. Hell, the fact that you are, you know, thinking about all that now—I mean, I don't think about it all the time because it'd drive me insane honestly—but there are times when I'm with you or Sam and wishing I was with the other. It's all good, though. Really. You're just facing the problem with humanity."
"Poor time management skills?"
Dean chuckled, shaking his head. "No, man. Trying to figure out how to be human." He then patted Cas's blanketed leg gently. "But I think I know a way to help."
"You do?"
"Yeah. Course I do," he drawled. "Family night."
"What?"
"It's the silence that gets your mind racing, right? Making you think you're not spending enough time with all of us?"
"I suppose."
"You were used to hearing, what, Sammy breathing in the next room all the time, your brothers lately annoying the crap out of Jody and Donna, Claire and Jack in the library. And now you just hear whoever is in the room you're in. To you, that's probably too silent. We just have to, you know, work on getting you adjusted to all of this again. So, you and me, our crazy family—family night. It'll distract you enough from the silence, and you won't feel so damn guilty about who to spend time with. Yeah?"
"But what would we do for this 'family night?"
"Whatever we want, dude." The man shrugged. "You want to make tacos? We'll make tacos. Pizza—I'm there, man. Sorry or Twister—sure. Binge watching an entire documentary on bees and stuff—yeah. Just us doing something together as one big family. That's family night."
"So, like our times in the Dean cave?"
"Yeah, like that. Only with everyone this time instead of you, me, and Sammy."
Cas nodded slowly, as he considered this.
"You in?"
"I suppose." Though, he had no idea what he was actually 'in'. He could recall their times with Jack after his return from the Empty, but that soon became few and far between. He had enjoyed those memories. Perhaps he could relive it again. Maybe. Depending on his brothers.
"Awesome." His boyfriend hopped up. "You think you'll be okay for a moment if I go tell the rest of them about the plan?"
"As opposed to what?" Cas asked, utterly perplexed.
"I only—I don't know how long I might be, so you might be alone for a bit."
The former angel's head tilted as his brows drew together. "I was alone quite a bit the last time I was human." He instantly saw the forest green eyes widen before the man's face suddenly went blank.
"Yeah. Um, I'll just—try to eat some more, all right? You got to keep up your strength," murmured his boyfriend quietly, turning away and quickly walking back out of the room before Cas could even open his mouth to explain.
"Ouch."
The angelic-less man sighed in annoyance, his eyes darting upwards, before he turned towards his brother. Of course Balthazar would show up right then again. The blond angel was like a bad rash.
"Poor Winchester. He was only trying to help you, Cassie." His brother then forced a laugh. "You're not going to kill him next, are you?"
"What?" Cas felt his stomach drop to his toes.
"I was only trying to help you too, remember? Trying to keep you from destroying the world and yourself in the process?" The blond then shrugged. "And what did I get for my troubles? An angel blade to my back. My Grace exploding. Nine years in the Empty."
"Balthazar—"
"Oh, no, Cassie." His brother chuckled mirthlessly. "This conversation of ours is long overdue. Wouldn't you say? So with Gabriel finally distracted with his dear sweet Sam—and your freckled ape gathering up the others—we finally have a moment alone to hash this all out once and for all."
"Balthazar, I didn't—"
"What?" barked the blond, scoffing. "You didn't mean to kill me? Oh, Cassie. You can lie to yourself all you want, but we both know the truth deep down." His eyes hardened. "You did. I stood in your way. You saw me as a problem, and without any regard to my life, you killed me."
"Please."
The freshly turned human felt his stomach recoil at the words. He was going to vomit again.
"And the truly messed up part out of all of this," his brother remarked with a callous shrug "is that I understand it and that I forgive you for killing me, Castiel."
"You shouldn't—"
"You're right. Absolutely! I shouldn't!" Balthazar huffed a laugh, though. "But I'm an angel. I think differently than humans do, remember? I can look beyond the emotional and look at it logically. Raphael wanted to restart the Apocalypse. You didn't. He didn't care about the loss of humans that would result in its return. The possibility of the Winchesters' deaths. Whereas you'd—or rather have—sacrificed everything for the selfish, careless maggots. So, you did what you thought you had to in order to save humanity. To save them. And I stepped in your way, Castiel, dying in the process."
"I'm sorry," breathed the former angel, trembling through watery blue eyes. What had he done?
The blond huffed another dark laugh. "Oh, I can see that, Cassie." He shook his head. "Just as I can see why you enjoy their company." The coldness melted away gradually. "They have a sort of . . . air about them. They've even sunk their teeth into our infallible big brother it seems." His lip quirked slightly. "Even I at the end there joined their stupid team. And earned a very sexy scar as a result of it."
Cas glanced down guiltily, though, feeling his stomach roll more. How could he have done that? Killed his own brother whom he loved so much? Who had always been there by his side after Gabe left? Balthazar should have been screaming, telling him how wretched he was. How he deserved death. Something. Something that wasn't this! Because this honestly felt so much worse of a punishment.
"Hey, none of that, thank you!" scoffed his brother, pushing up his chin a moment later. His steely grey met Cas's watery blues. "We needed to finish this, Castiel. Do you know why?" He didn't wait for the answer. "So you and I can finally move on from this shit show and be brothers again. Like we used to be. Do you recall?"
No. All he could remember right then was his brother's heartbroken voice, his own blade deep in his loyal brother's back, the blinding light that had exploded from the blond. It repeated over and over.
"Cas . . ." His brother's last words on a never-ending loop. "Cas . . ."
"I killed you," the former angel choke-sobbed, the pain settling heavy in his chest. It all flooded out of him, his walls bursting in despair, hopelessness, strangling guilt. "I . . . I took my blade and—and—" And he had done the same to so many of his brothers and sisters over the years, too, all in the name of protecting the Winchesters, protecting Dean.
What had he done?
Arms suddenly encircled him, too lost to wonder whose, pulling him tightly against the person.
"Shh," murmured the voice, so full of warmth and love, near his ear. "Let it out, Brother. Let all of it out." Hands gently rubbed his back that somehow he could feel underneath the many layers of blankets. "You've held onto this darkness long enough. So, like Elsa, let it go."
Cas buried his face into the person's neck, his fingers tightly hanging on to the shirt in a death grip as if afraid the person would vanish. When he felt the familiar feel of invisible wings wrap around him lovingly, he shook and curled more into his consoler. He remembered this, his brother's hugs.
"Shh, Cassie. I have you, Brother."
It all screeched to a halt when a voice suddenly yelled, "What the fuck did you do, asshole?!"
"Cas—"
At hearing his name on his brother's lips said once more, the blue-eyed, messy-haired former Seraph instantly threw his head back and screamed up to at his former home, the cries coming deep from within. He roared his pain, letting all of it out.
"Holy fuck!" another voice added to the melee.
He screamed his guilt for the brothers and sisters he murdered.
He cried his despair for the ones he failed to save.
He howled his pain for all the times he had let the Winchesters down.
He roared at his father who abandoned them all and betrayed him deeper than anyone else had.
But most of all, he wailed for the unimaginable ache in his body now and bellowed to the Heavens that had hurt him, that had tortured him, that had betrayed him time and time again. He screamed until he finally went silent, the ache within vanishing, and his voice giving out.
His body sagged heavily into his brother's. His head gently fell against the angel's shoulder, and he sighed heavily. His eyes closed with his breathing evening out gradually. His throat hurt horribly.
"Gabe?" questioned Balthazar above him a moment later, as Cas continued to take a moment.
"Yeah, I see it," mumbled the archangel before Cas felt familiar warmth of Grace ease his pain.
"See what?" Dean asked, entering the conversation. "What do you see?"
Cas inhaled deeply, though, reopening his eyes. He felt so much better now. Exhausted, surely, but better. His throat no longer hurt even. He owlishly glanced at his older brother, catching the amber.
Gabriel instantly waved Dean off. His focus solely on Cas. "How you feelin' there, kiddo?"
"Drained but . . . all right, I think?" he answered hesitantly. He then pulled back, grateful that his younger brother had released him without comment. His eyes moved over to Dean, and he smiled faintly at the confused man. He could see the concern underneath the anger clear as day. "Dean, I'm fine."
"You say you're fine, but—dude, you were just screaming like a banshee." The man shook his head. "Not sure that counts as fine there."
Blue eyes rolled dramatically as Cas shrugged off the heavy blankets around his shoulders finally. He didn't need them anymore for some strange reason. He finally felt warm enough again. No more blanket burrito for him. Just a loose shirt and boxers Dean had provided him with earlier.
Balthazar snorted then. "But how else was he to gain a soul then?"
"What?"
"What the hell are you talking about, Blondie?"
His older brother sighed loudly in response, gaining both Cas and Dean's attention.
"But . . . I'm an angel," Cas murmured, seemingly confused. "I shouldn't be able to get a soul. Even Graceless, it shouldn't be possible." Maybe down the line someday through magic or something.
Balthazar glanced at Gabe, who again sighed heavily in obvious annoyance.
"All right. Speak, bird brains," Dean growled, glaring at the blond and sandy-haired angels. "How the fuck did Cas get a soul? And what the hell does that mean for later when we fix his Grace?"
Cas sighed, though. "It means I can't take my Grace back." That he could answer.
"Eh," grimaced Gabriel, scratching the back of his head. "Not exactly."
"What?"
No. That was what he had always been taught. Grace and soul could never work in a vessel long term. Eventually, one would reject the other and burn out both. He could hear Uriel and Naomi's words clear as day on this. And he had asked every question known to man on the fascinating subject of souls.
"Theoretically, it's possible. I mean, think of it like Jack's Grace. All right?" Gabe explained. "As long as he has his Grace and his soul, they're in sync."
"I'm not a Nephilim, Gabriel."
"Yeah, but you're not exactly a normal angel either, kiddo."
"So . . . what are we saying here exactly then?" Dean glanced between them.
"For now, we do nothing," answered calmly the archangel. "And later on, once we figure out about his Grace, then, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
"Okay, but . . ." He sighed, looking anxiously at Cas. He then blinked, obviously deciding to let it drop and move on. "You've got a soul now, Cas. What's that feel like, man?"
"Different, but oddly warm." He then gave his boyfriend a tender smile. More distractions were needed. Because with his brothers and Dean in the room, he felt much better now than before. "I think, if you're still agreeable to it that is, I'd like to have that family night with you, Dean."
"You feel up to it?" His Hunter clearly wasn't convinced.
Cas paused for a moment and considered it. Did he? He was rather tired actually if he were being honest, but he knew his dreams would be very unsettled if he tried to sleep. Most of his dreams the last time he was human were regrettably things of nightmares unfortunately. Distractions seemed to be a good idea. And if this didn't work, he had a feeling his Hunter would be okay with leaving early.
"Yes, Dean. I do believe I am. Though, I can't say I won't drift off occasionally if we watch a movie, especially one of your cowboy ones."
With a wide grin, the green-eyed Winchester snorted. "Games it is then."
"Games?" Balthazar suddenly lit up with excitement, all childlike and full of wonder, a moment later. "Like pin the tail on the human?"
"Of course not," Gabe huffed, shaking his head. "Obviously, he's talking about spin the bottle and games like that."
Dean stared at both angels for a moment and then rolled his eyes. "Actually, morons, I was thinking of, like, Uno, Twister, shit like that."
"Twister? Why would you play a game like that?" groaned Balthazar. "It's stupid."
"Ooh. I know!" the archangel cried. "We could play strip poker!"
"No. Just . . . god, no."
Gabriel reared back slightly and then chuckled with a shit-eating grin.
"Wait . . . Gabe . . . no . . ." Dean pleaded. "Whatever you're about to do, man. Don't!"
"MOM!" shouted the archangel, his voice amplified through the bunker.
Dean and Cas instantly covered their ears, groaning.
Balthazar then grinned, following his older brother. "MOOOOOOOM!"
The two humans groaned louder, their hands pressing harder against their ears.
The angels finally stopped yelling a minute later, their grins wide and deadly, as the two sheriffs rushed inside the room.
"Jeez Louise, you two are loud tonight!" Donna declared with a suffering sigh as Jody stepped up next to her a second later. Both women's eyes darted to Dean and Cas, likely finding everything in order, before they returned to the angels. "I've heard newborns quieter than you two." She then waved them on. "So, go on then. What do you boys need now?"
"Dean won't let us play strip poker!" complained Gabe, pointing at the green-eyed Hunter.
Jody and Donna both blinked and then glanced at one another.
"I'm sorry," hesitated the Sioux Falls sheriff, turning back. "What?"
"They won't let us play strip poker tonight for family night," explained Balthazar quietly.
"Okay, well, um . . ." murmured the short-haired woman. She then sighed heavily, glancing back to her long blond-haired companion. "I've got nothing. How about you?"
"Nada," Donna remarked with a shrug.
"Beer then?"
"Yeah. I could do with one."
Gabriel and Balthazar both blinked in surprise.
"Wait, but what about—MOM, don't leave us!"
Jody whirled back on them almost instantly. "Guys, come on. We're not your mom." She sighed heavily, giving the two angels a gentle, almost maternal look. "Because if we were, you'd be a hell of a lot better behaved. Capiche?"
Wasn't that the truth?
"But . . ." Gabriel sighed quietly, as Balthazar's head hung. The Academy Awards clearly went to them for best actors.
"Dad left."
They fake pouted, hesitantly glancing towards the ladies. When that didn't work, they added trembling lips to their act.
"He went out on a—"
The women rolled their eyes and shook their heads as Dean's eyes narrowed into slits on them, recognizing their words. "You're a billion years old. Both of you."
"Actually, Mother, I'm only a million years old," Balthazar corrected with a fake sniffle as he wiped at the corner of his dry eye. "And Cassie's half a billion. But I forgive you. It gets a little confusing sometimes even for us."
"Whatever." Jody huffed. "Get over it, boys. Parents leave sometimes. Doesn't mean you get to excuse all your bad behavior on that. Now, go get the rest of them set up in the library. Understand?"
"Yes, Mom," both angels mumbled as they left.
The women then turned their attention back on Dean and Cas.
"You two okay?"
Dean turned to look at Cas in response, allowing him to answer for them.
"It would seem I have a soul now, thanks to my brother," bluntly answered the former Seraph with a slight shrug. As if it wasn't that big of a deal really. Which he ultimately knew it was, but he didn't want to think too hard on it quite yet.
"Oh."
"And I enjoy omelets and bacon."
Jody smiled maternally at him.
"And blanket burritos." The words were tumbling out, and he couldn't stop himself. "Once my soul appeared, however, it became too uncomfortable to be in it," he further explained, brushing off Dean's snort beside him. "I also am finding my stomach clenching and twisting sometimes, but I don't feel ill. And yet it does this thing that makes me think I will be."
"Well, does it only happen during certain times? Like when you're thinking certain things?"
He thought back on it before he shook his head. "Not at regular intervals, no."
"Probably just be a case of nerves or something." Donna then glanced to Dean. "You've got some Pepto stashed somewhere?"
The Hunter nodded before he headed off to grab it.
The deep blues watched his boyfriend disappear into the hallway and sighed, his teeth raking across his bottom lip. It was a habit he was doing more lately. But he didn't like it when people left. Had he become clingy now? He hoped not.
"Castiel?"
He glanced up, not realizing he had zoned out again.
"Yes, Sheriff Mills?" he replied politely.
"Jody, Cas. You can call me Jody." She then lowered her voice and smiled wider. "Or, you know, Mom, if you want to get back at your brothers sometime. I'll even play along as long as it's you."
He laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."
"How are you really, though? Other than the stomach thing?"
"Fine." He then chuckled quietly to himself, hearing himself. "As fine as I can be at least." They nodded in response, which urged him to continue. "And now with being human, I don't need to worry about when Dean and I decide to take our relationship to the next level."
Donna and Jody instantly grinned and laughed softly.
"Um, Cas, I don't think you had to worry about that before."
He frowned, tilting his head to the side. "My vessel may have been male, but it was possible with my Grace to—"
"What?"
The ladies blinked at him with wide eyes.
"My Grace," he stated. "It would have made alterations to the vessel, of course, to ensure—"
"You're shitting us, right?" Jody's mouth dropped.
"Um, no. I'm not currently defecating," he said, his brows furrowing in concentration. "I am, as Dean would say, 'House-trained," he said complete with quotation marks.
"Wait. So, you're saying . . . oh. OH!"
He glanced between both women, even more confused. He was missing something.
"You could really have gotten pregnant? I mean, you—"
"As an angel, I was genderless," he reminded gently. "A being consisting solely of energy and light. With a vessel, however, I would be able to interact with humans in various ways, including that of a sexual nature. If I wanted to that was." Which he usually didn't because he didn't see the point frankly.
Well, at least until that green-eyed Hunter of his showed up.
"And . . . do you?" Donna inquired, rolling her eyes when Jody hit her arm.
"Do I what?"
"Want to interact with humans in a, ya know, sexual nature?" she asked, grinning widely as she gestured vaguely towards him.
"I . . ." He stopped himself and sighed. "I did enjoy waking up with Dean this morning."
"Did ya now?"
"Donna."
"What? Just asking a question here, Jody. Jeez." The Minnesota sheriff then gave him a wide grin. "Just remember. Always keep it covered, angel."
"Oh dear," muttered the shorter-haired sheriff, turning to the door. "Dean, you can come in anytime now." She sighed heavily when the doorway remained empty. "Really. Anytime."
"Keep what covered?" Cas asked innocently. He had a feeling it was another sexual reference of course, as he had found himself being subjected to more of them ever since he and Dean had started dating. But just in case it wasn't, he'd ask. He was at a gross disadvantage at being human unfortunately. He'd need all the help he could get, therefore.
His eyes then darted to the doorway a moment later, instinct taking over. He couldn't explain it, but he just knew before he saw. Dean. He caught the beautiful deep evergreen eyes staring at him before the man shook his head and walked in further with a pink bottle in hand.
"Not you two," complained the Hunter. "Those dicks I can get, but you two? Come on." He then poured out a healthy dose of thick pink liquid and held it out, standing near the former angel. He snorted when Cas stared at it. "Yeah. I'll warn you now, man. This stuff doesn't taste the best, but it does help. Best thing you can do, though, treat it like a shot and swallow quickly."
He raised a brow. Was Dean serious?
"I know, but it'll help. Trust me."
Sighing inwardly, the newly turned human grabbed the measured dose, wrinkling his nose up at it. It smelled funny to him even. However, if they were right and this would help, he would suck it up then. He tossed the cup back, making a face at the horrid taste, before he gulped it down. His tongue rubbed furiously against his mouth, trying to scrape off the thick pink crap. That stuff was awful!
"It's not that bad, Cas." His boyfriend chuckled, grabbing the medicine cup back from him and holding out in exchange his glass of almond milk.
The former Seraph immediately guzzled that down greedily before he handed it back and groaned. The milk didn't taste right either! Snatching a hold of the bottle of beer still beside him on the nightstand, he tossed that back as well, downing it as fast as he could. The bitter taste instantly helped rid him of the other two. Maybe he'd have to revise his earlier no beer rule.
"You good?"
He huffed, glancing at the Hunter while noticing the ladies' badly hidden smirks. "No."
"Well, unfortunately, we're going to have to take more of it until you start feeling better. So—"
"There's nothing else I could take?"
"Well, there is," Dean admitted with a shrug. "But we're going to try this one first. Okay?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm pretty sure you won't like the other options even more."
The former angel groaned, shaking his head. "Being human sucks."
The ladies and Dean laughed quietly.
"Yeah, it does sometimes. But there is one good thing, though."
He glanced at him with an unamused look. "I fail to see how any of this is good, Dean."
The man's smile widened. "That's cause you're only seeing it from the crappy stuff, Cas."
"He's right," Jody said with Donna nodding silently beside her. "You have to look beyond these moments. Being sick sucks, sure, but there are good things that can come out of it."
"Such as?"
He failed to see how any of this could end up good. He was draining their energy, wasting their time. And whining most especially, but he found it hard to stop unfortunately.
"Dude, come on." The green-eyed Hunter chuckled loudly before he sat down on the bed beside him again. "You get to stay in bed all day, all right? In your PJs with no judgment? And you get waited on hand and foot? Seriously? That's like—heaven."
"But I'm a burden to you again," Cas blurted out, pausing when he caught the green eyes widening before they softened again. He hadn't meant to say it aloud. It just slipped out, though. He quickly searched to figure out how he could walk this one back. He didn't want him to think—
"Hey, stop. Stop," his boyfriend whispered, grabbing his face to force their eyes to meet. "You're not a burden." He flashed a coy smile and lowered his voice. "I want to take care of you. All right? I like this sort of stuff. Not that you're sick of course but taking care of you. I mean, shit, man, how many times over the years did you take care of me? I finally can repay the favor. All right?"
"But you'll grow tired of me."
"Eventually, sure," the Hunter admitted with a shrug. "Just like you get tired of putting up with my shit all the time, too. But we work through that. Don't we?"
"Yes."
"So . . . we'll work through this too, Cas." He then gave him another tender smile. "Because the only thing that matters to me is if you're good, if you're happy. Cause—and yes cue the chick-flick moment—I love you. Got it, Sunshine?" he asked before he gently tapped his knuckle against Cas's forehead. "Or do I need to beat it into your thick skull some more?"
Pausing in his response, Cas glanced upwards when he caught Jody and Donna moving towards them suddenly. His eyes briefly narrowed in confusion before he watched and felt the ladies gently embrace them in tight hugs. He noted his Hunter's surprise instantly, watching Dean sink into Jody's embrace soon after. He glanced at Donna who was mostly hugging him, even more puzzled by her smile. What was going on? Why were they being hugged? What happened? Had they done something?
"We're so proud of you, Dean," whispered Jody before she pressed a chaste kiss to the top of the Hunter's head. Her eyes then met the confused cobalt blues. "And you too, Cas."
Both ladies then pulled back from them, smiling proudly.
"You have five minutes, kids. If you're not in the library by then, we're doing family night without you. Got it?"
Dean snorted, rolling his eyes. "Got it, Mom," he quipped.
"Damn straight, Winchester," remarked the shorter-haired woman, quickly turning away and walking out with Donna at her side. They silently shut the door behind them.
"Dean?"
The man chuckled quietly, turning back to him. "Yeah, Cas?"
"What just happened?"
His human rolled his eyes and snorted. "I don't know, man. I think they found us adorable or something. I don't ask anymore." He then patted the former angel's blanket-clad leg. "You need some help or you good?"
"With?"
"Changing into some sweats for one thing."
"What?" He glanced down at himself before he turned back. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" He actually felt rather comfortable.
"Yeah, as much as I love that whole thing you have going on right now, you're not going out in your boxers, buddy. Not with the kids out there."
"But the blanket burrito is too warm now."
Dean's smile grew. "I'm sure." He then patted his leg again. "Look. You're sick. So you can get away with this in here, Cas, but I think Claire and the others might have some words if you came out in boxers and a t-shirt."
Cas's eyes darted down to the blanket instantly. Oh.
"Hey. What's wrong?"
"I don't have anything else." The former angel had been wearing his boyfriend's discarded clothes since the start of this saga unfortunately.
"Oh, fuck!" the man groaned. "That's right. Damn it! I'm such an idiot sometimes." He pressed his tongue against his cheek and thought for a moment. "Okay. Give me a sec. I might have some clean ones you can wear." He then winced, glancing around his room. "Somewhere. It'll take me a minute." He hopped up off the bed, heading for his dresser. "First thing we're going to do when you're feeling better is getting you some of your own clothes. I should have done that a while ago, but—sorry, Cas."
"It's fine."
"No it's not," the man snorted with his back to him, pulling out a pair of black sweatpants from the middle drawer. "You deserve your own things and not have to wait on me to remember this stuff."
"I was human before, Dean."
"Exactly," the Hunter replied, turning back with sweats in hand, "and I fucked that up royally last time. I'm not going to do it this time. I'm going to get right this time, Cas."
"Dean—"
He handed him the black pants, though, which Cas sighed and slipped on.
"You shouldn't have gone through any of that shit alone. You didn't deserve that. You've always been by my side, and I should have—"
Cas gently grabbed his human's face, smiling softly when Dean glanced up at him in surprise.
"What is done is done. So, let us leave the past where it belongs and move on."
"Yeah, yeah." Emerald eyes rolled. "We should get out there before they all think we're, you know." He gestured vaguely, as Cas released him.
"Engaged in coitus?"
Loud laughter erupted from the Hunter instantly. "Dude, come on!" Dean complained through loud chuckles. "You can't just say shit like that." He then shook his head. "And, for the record, Angel, the phrase is 'Fucking." He messed Cas's raven locks up more, tousling it. "Which we have your damn hair to thank for that assumption."
"Apologies, Dean," he replied, bowing his head with a smirk. The second he felt the man's fingers in his hair, his heart started to race and his breath caught in his throat. He wanted more of that.
"Don't, man." Dean then hit his shoulder. "It's sort of sexy. I guess." He turned away a second later, heading towards the door. When Cas didn't follow right away, he glanced back. "You coming?"
The former angel raised a brow, forcing his face to remain neutral. Maybe he'd take a page out of his brother's book for once. "Yes, Dean. You know, I always come when you call." He watched the forest green eyes widen before the Hunter grabbed the wall beside him, doubling over wheezing.
"Oh, you fucking asshole." His Hunter pointed at him, chuckling. "I blame your damn brothers."
"That usually is the sensible thing to do," Cas drawled, catching up a moment later. "Considering that they're typically the reason behind most matters."
"Ain't that the truth?" quipped Dean, opening the door for them. They walked out together a second later and down the hallway. Family night, here they come.
Next time on Angel Flu: Family night! What could go wrong with an archangel, former Seraph, lower angel, Hunters, kids, and sheriffs playing games? Right? :)