LOST|

THE WORLD AROUND RASSETH rolled, ferocious and livid.

His vision became cloudy and he had to resist the urge to rip off his helmet and hurl it at the Knights that were scrutinizing him keenly. His stomach was churning and it threatened to spill over. He walked to the side of the room, forgetting that he was supposed to be calm, collected and placed a quivering hand on the table in front of him, gawking at the wall in front of him. He struggled to take in a breath, to center him, but it only made his vision dip and dive. He placed both hands on the table

A tsunami of trepidation was washing over him, bathing him with dread and filling him with not only fear, but wrath as well. He could only hear a loud roaring in his ears that took away his sense and he knew that Ren was continuing his spiel, however he couldn't focus on his words.

Kill Ivykar.

Those two words rebounded around in his head, boooming into anything it came in contact with, leaving his mind a muddled felt resent towards the Knights for putting such a problematic choice in front of him, but he was also fuming with the woman he had fallen in love with. If she had not been on that planet that day, if she had stayed with her family, she would be okay and he would be able to endure his purpose without losing such a large piece of himself.

Rasseth drug himself away from the table, abstaining from the impulse to send a fist into the wall and he twisted in the other direction, beginning to march back and forth in front of the Knights, misplaced in his feelings. He was grinding his teeth now, his heart being wrenched back and forth in his chest. He knew that they were waiting for the decision that they were hungry for, but he couldn't find the words.

One of the Knights that was on the opposing side unsheathed their glowing weapon, patience running then, ready to land the ending blow on the still-contemplating Rasseth. Ren raised a hand to halt him and the Knight paused, arm still poised. Ren deliberately loomed over to the other man who peeped up at him, his true sentiments camouflaged, but it was almost like the Force-sensitive leader could sense it.

"Rasseth Ren." He spoke with such authority that it broke through to Rasseth who was pulled out of his tumultuous spiral. Rasseth stopped his pacing, facing him fully, mystified at how his new name sounded. Rasseth was a lot of things, but selfish was at the top of the list and it began to consume the young man and caused his famine to keep Ivykar safe to halt, even if it was just for that fleeting moment. "What is it that you desire?"

That was a weighted question. Rasseth mulled over the answer before he responded. There was a part of him that longed to just escape with his love, find a nice planet where they would be their true selves, never having to worry about the politics of the war or the rules of the Jedi or Knight. Where they could truly misplace themselves with each other and die old next to each other.

"To join the Knights of Ren." His mouth moved without him prompting it. At the sound of his voice, his stomach dropped. Warmth spread across his cheek at the realization of what he had said.

Ren gave him a curt nod, clasping a hand on the man's shoulder and the two helmets met at each other's forehead. There was a sense of ease that came from the leader that pacified Rasseth's anxiety. "Then you know what needs to be done."

RASSETH SLAMMED THE SIDE of his fist against the wall of his ship and let out a grunt from the pain that blossomed. Alone, hurtling towards the planet that once filled him with pleasure, trepidation began to settle in his mind like snow falling from the sky. He attempted to push the thoughts away and got to his feet, stomping towards the back of the ship. He ran a hand through his hair, frowning at the emptiness that surrounded him. Since leaving the Knights, he had done his best to keep his thoughts as chaotic as possible, to avoid focusing on one thing, but the thing about being alone was it brought all your demons to the forefront of your mind.

He ground his teeth together. He refused to think about what his mission was, as the details tended to distract him from his end goal. He was going to be a Knight; he shouldn't have been so sensitive ... so emotional.

Damn it. Here he was, traveling from worlds away, to mercilessly murder his one true love. Stop it. He didn't know how he was going to be able to do this without losing a large part of himself. You'll do it without hesitation. Ivykar had shown Rasseth so much love since the time they had met and he couldn't imagine a world without her. It will be filled with power. It would be miserable and lifeless without the light she shredded through the dark.

His mind meandered on with all the possibilities. The Knights knew who she was, where she lived, probably knew as much about her as he did. But if he was swift, they could both take off and run away together.. It was possible. Maybe even the Resitance could help hide them. He knew that they would support Ivykar in every way possible and if he kept his past hidden, perhaps even him too.

STOP THAT. The dark voice in his head snapped at him and the thought fluttered away like a fearful butterfly.

Rasseth returned to the pilot's seat when the planet came into view. He strapped himself back down into the seat, taking control of the ship and flipping a switch that was above his head. The ship began to descend on the green planet and he focused his eyes on the trunks of those trees as they got denser. It shuddered when it landed before dispelling, the engine rotating to a stop.

Don't think. Just do it. Rasseth was quick to get to his feet, opening the hatch and the entrance unbolted, letting the sweet oxygen sweep in. There was a moment where his legs refused to move, heavy with grief. He stared at the landscape, committing it to memory, this being the last time he would ever visit it. He was careful to shield his mind, something that Ivykar had taught him in cause the Knights had someone explore his mind and he knew that she would be able to reach in easily if he let her and see his true motive for returning.

Rasseth reached for his war hammer, then stopped. He walked past it and picked up the dagger that Ren had given him, testing the slight weight in his hand with a grimance and then began walking towards the hut where his love was waiting for him.

Rasseth Argent's love, not Rasseth Ren.

The door swung open before he had reached it and he froze, this reminding him of a time not so long ago. Ivykar appeared in the doorway, her face flushed and cheeks spread from her grin. Her hair had grown so much longer since the last time he had seen her and her face was rounder. She was filled with such elation and began walking to her lover, unhurriedly picking up speed and she launched her body against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting out a breathless laugh that had him coughing form the feelings that crawled it's way up his throat.

"Oh, Rasseth, I have the best news!"

The light encased him. It was sincere and reminded him of a new day. He could feel the darkness in his mind slowly receding, a wave pulling back form the beach, leaving only faultless, new sand. He couldn't handle holding her like this, love filling up every piece of his body, making him feel weightless. Rasseth knew in this moment, he wasn't going to be able to kill her. She was his forever and they would find a way...

Rasseth grunted and Ivykar's face fell.

She stumbled back from him, her quaking hands dropping and landing on her stomach where a familiar dagger had impaled her fresh. An unintentional moan escaped Rasseth's lips, looking down at his own hands that were covered in her blood. Good job. A dark voice in his head congratulated him. Blood was spreading around the wound, staining the cream tunic that she was wearing. Her hands enclosed around the hilt of the dagger, her eyebrows furrowing in misunderstanding, her knees buckling from under her weight.

Rasseth caught her, pressing her against his body as he gently laid her down on the soft ground. He held her to his chest, feeling her muscles tense up in agony from the swift motion. Tears were spilling down his redden face and he pressed her face against his chest, running her hand through her hair. She looked so baffled and he felt the soft tingles in his mind of her trying to enter wordlessly, struggling to find answers to the questions she didn't have the strength to ask.

He stared forward, inhaling sharply and let the walls he had built in his mind crumble. His eyes widened in pain while she went through his head, flipping through all of her memories. Of what happened previously that lead him here, how he had intentionally let the dagger pierce her body. It was over almost as fast as it had started and Ivykar's mouth was agape with the knowledge she had attained. She weakly tried to move away from the man she realized she did not know.

Rasseth was pleading, "I'm sorry." His grip tightened, refusing to let her go. "I wasn't going to do it. You know that, you saw that in my head. The darkness, oh god, I'm so sorry Ivy, I love you."

Like dimming a light, the illumination that once exploded in her irises were beginning to darken. Torment was attacking the man's body while he sobbed, Ivykar still trying to remove herself from him. Eventually, she had grown too weak for even that mediocre task. She was gazing up at the blue sky, removing the hand from trying to stop the bleeding to press a hand against his cheek. He stared at her, eyes unfocused and the she whispered, with such malevolence and venom that it left Rasseth reeling, "Don't touch her." And then, just like that, the love of his life faded out.

He continued to hold her, openly crying, more time passing by. He clenched his fists in her tunic, begging for her to return back. Uncaring of who saw him, he screamed out and cursed at everything that had brought him to this moment. The light that once wobbled around him disseminated and left him entirely, leaving a gaping hole in his chest.

A ship above him was beginning to approach, the loud roaring sound of it causing his moist face to peer up at it. He recognized immediately that it belonged to the Knights of Ren. The sun was beginning to set, to start the end of the day and he gently laid Ivykar on the ground, sucking in a breath and got to his feet. He took one last look at her, getting ready to head back to his ship when he heard it.

The cry of a baby.