Unrequited: Part of the Story AU
YuanJia remembered the day the summons came to her father's house.
"My daughter!" Her mother had such an expression of excitement, "My daughter! Such honor! To meet with Lao Fuo Ye in person! Oh, we must prepare well, to ensure a good impression."
Her father had coughed, "Lao Fuo Ye only requested for YuanJia's presence."
"Oh but I am her mother, surely…"
Her father had shaken his head, "I have an audience with Huang Shang; I will simply bring YuanJia with me."
Her mother visibly deflated. Despite her frown, however, she knew better than to disagree with her husband.
Her father had turned towards his daughter with a kinder expression, "Lao Fuo Ye wished to see you dance, daughter. I trust you will not shame me."
"No, Ah Ma."
She remembered how the beating of her heart almost drowned out the sound of the accompanying musicians, remembered feeling proud when Lao Fuo Ye had smiled and nodded to show her approval, remembered thinking fleetingly how odd it was that Qing-Ge-Ge's expression seemed to hold so much pity.
A few days later, when she knelt in the family courtyard to receive the edict of marriage, she felt only a strange sense of foreboding.
"It is a great honor," her mother told her.
"He is destined for greatness," her father said.
"I am not worthy," she murmured obediently as the eunuch placed the royal decree into her hands.
Later, in the privacy of her own rooms, she could only stare at the folded piece of cloth. What was one to do with such an object?
"Meimei."
She looked up, there was her older brother. Half brother, really, born to her father's favorite concubine and a constant source of anger for her mother, who, despite being the proper wife, had no sons of her own. Still, YuanJia never allowed her mother's animosity towards her father's other children mar her own relationship with her siblings.
"Da ge."
"From what I have seen at court, he is a good man," he reassured her.
She smiled faintly at him, grateful that he understood.
"Tell me about him."
And he did. Listening to her brother's words, she felt her unease settle a little. 5-Ah-Ge seemed to be someone in possession of intelligence, wisdom, and integrity.
"The rumors are true then?"
Her brother kept quiet a moment, aware of the dangers of speculating on the future of succession. Still, he had never lied to his sister, "Perhaps."
She knew to listen more to his tone than to his words. Letting out a breath, she murmured, "No matter what, I will always be the first."
"Yes." He seemed to hesitate before adding, "More importantly, I think you could be happy."
She looked at him in surprise, "E Niang would scold you."
He smiled, "She does not truly know you."
A few months later, when news came that the emperor had also appointed a ce Fu Jin for Wu-Ah-Ge, YuanJia was reminded of her brother's words.
Her lips in a thin line, her mother knew not to insult the emperor out loud. Still, it did not stop her from sharing her opinions of the other intended bride.
"She is but a physician's daughter, and an adopted one at that. For her to hold the same title as you…you must give him a son first. Remember that, my daughter. Remember that you are of the house of Soccolo and she is nothing but a charity case."
"Yes, E Niang."
When she finally escaped her mother's company, YuanJia sought out her brother. "What do you know about Fang Ci?"
"Not much," he admitted, "though I have met her brother. He is a rising star at court. Like the Fu brothers, he is a member of Wu-Ah-Ge's inner circle."
"I see."
"It would not surprise me," her brother added, "if he becomes to Wu-Ah-Ge what Ah Ma is to Huang Shang."
Her expression cleared as she nodded in understanding.
When she slept alone on her wedding night, however, YuanJia could not help but feel a pang in her heart. Wu-Ah-Ge did come to her the second night. The whole situation was awkward, of course, but his kindness did away with much of her fear and apprehension. Still, she did not think much of it, when she woke to find him not at her side. He had court to attend, after all, and she had never been an early riser.
The days passed and she got to know the prince a little more. He was a wonderful conversationalist and truly learned. She could see easily the reasons the emperor should favor his fifth son. He did, as their first night together had suggested, treat her well. She was not exactly happy, as she knew her brother hoped she would be, but she felt content enough.
When, by chance, she overheard Fang Ci's maids giggling as they fetched water from the well about how sweet Wu-Ah-Ge had been, to stop in to see their mistress before leaving for court every morning, however, she froze for a moment before turning around determinedly and returning to her rooms.
Every morning? Surely they exaggerated. Every morning? Taking a deep breath, she was surprised to find herself crying. She had known what to expect when she entered this marriage. What cause did she have for tears? Her brother had said that Fang Yan was part of 5-Ah-Ge's inner circle; of course he might show more preference for his friend's sister. She took deep breaths to calm herself. Yes, there was a logical explanation.
She also learned that Wu-Ah-Ge was a diligent sort. That the lamp in his study often burned late into the night was surely a sign of the emperor's increasing trust in and reliance on his son. Still, she brewed a light soup and took it upon herself to take it to the prince.
She was surprised that the door to his study was open with no servants visible. Frowning to herself a little, she crossed over the threshold. The scene that met her made the greeting die in her throat. The prince stood behind a seated FangCi, his hand guiding hers as they jointly wrote out a character.
"I never could get it right," she heard FangCi lament.
"Then why do you still use it in your reports?"
"I figured that surely the more I am forced to write it, the sooner I will actually learn it."
The prince just chuckled and continued to help her with the brush strokes. Their conversation was surely innocent, but the closeness between them and their ease with one another…it spoke of an intimacy that YuanJia knew was sorely lacking in her own relationship with the prince.
Grasping the wooden carrier in her hand tightly, she silently made her exit before they noticed her presence.
"XiaoJie? You're back so soon?"
YuanJia tried to smile at her maid. Mei-er had been her attendant ever since she was ten.
"Did Wu-Ah-Ge enjoy the soup?"
"Oh…Xiao Lu Zi said that Wu-Ah-Ge prefers not to be disturbed when he's working."
She should have felt bad lying to Mei-er, but instead, she was thankful that she had insisted on making the delivery herself.
Mei-er frowned but did not question her mistress. Instead, she took away the wooden box and left YuanJia to her own thoughts.
Through Lao Fuo Ye's laments, she learned that Fang Ci was truly unlike any other young lady.
"She has HuangShang's special permission to aid her brother in various investigations," Qing-ge-ge said in a tone that suggested it was not the first time she had uttered such a reminder to the dowager empress.
"Hmmp."
"And she has done well in the tasks she has been given."
Lao Fuo Ye just sighed before turning to YuanJia, "Thank the heavens Yongqi has you."
YuanJia had simply smiled dutifully and murmured her thanks. So, FangCi worked on those types of reports. The idea that a woman, especially the wife of a prince, could partake in such tasks…YuanJia suddenly felt the restrictions of her world.
Sometime later, she was mesmerized as she spied the two of them practicing sword fighting in the courtyard. She hadn't thought of swordsplay as dance in the past, but the way they twirled around one another…well, no wonder the emperor trusted FangCi to be an aide and not a hindrance in FangYan's tasks.
"Xiao Yan Zi!" she heard Wu-Ah-Ge call out, "you've learned new moves!"
"Of course!" she heard FangCi laugh, "brother's been teaching me the more advanced techniques from the Fang family repertoire."
"Does he know you're teaching them to me?"
"You are part of the Fang family, are you not?"
YuanJia hid a gasp at such audacity. The prince's response, however, surprised her even more.
5-Ah-Ge had laughed, "Yes, it has certainly been my good fortune." He looked at Fang Ci with such tenderness, YuanJia felt obliged to turn away.
Only when the sound of their sword clashes fell into the distance, did she stop her pace. Clutching at her chest, she fought to catch her breath. What had he called her? Xiao Yan Zi? That must be a nickname. Unbidden, a fact about swallow birds rose in her mind. She shook her head to clear it. Suddenly, Jin Yang Gong felt too small.
She wandered aimlessly through the palace, not entirely certain and not exactly caring where her feet took her. The feel of a raindrop hitting her cheek caused her to pause. She looked up at the sky, at the mass of gray clouds that had gathered, and let herself be drenched. She had always liked the rain, thought that it helped cleanse the earth. How she hoped that it would clean her memory of the scene she had witnessed.
"FuJin?" She startled as she felt a tug on her sleeve and an umbrella replace her view of the sky.
Qing-Ge-Ge frowned as YuanJia shivered and made no answer. With a more insistent tug, she pulled YuanJia up the steps into the nearby pagoda. Taking off her own cloak, she wrapped it around the silent girl.
YuanJia seemed to remember her manner, "Qing-Ge-Ge…"
Qing-er just shushed her and used her handkerchief to dry YuanJia's face.
"What are you doing without a cloak, or a maid to attend to you?"
"Qing-Ge-Ge also does not have a maid."
Qing-er just continued to fuss, "You'll surely catch cold."
Had YuanJia been in a calmer state, she might have noticed Qing-er's blush. Instead, she just clutched at the cloak as a breeze passed through their temporary shelter.
Qing-er made a distressed noise in her throat, "I do hope this rain will stop soon."
YuanJia looked up at her voice, "Qing-Ge-Ge…tell me truthfully, Fang Ci and 5-Ah-Ge…"
A look passed over Qing-er's face, "FuJin…"
"No. My name is YuanJia."
Qing-er nodded agreeably, "YuanJia then...what is between Xiao Yan Zi and Yongqi…"
When she hesitated, YuanJia sighed, "I really don't need you to tell me. Not really…I understand now, why you looked on me with pity that day…My E Niang would tell me to fight. But…it's a battle I've already lost, isn't it?"
"YuanJia…"
"Indeed, I never even had a chance to begin…"
The two sat in silence before YuanJia admitted, "I just wish…I just wish someone had told me…"
Qing-er found herself at a loss of what to say. Looking at the defeated expression on the young woman in front of her, she was suddenly struck by how young YuanJia was. She always behaved with such maturity that Qing-er had forgotten that she was but sixteen.
"I could have been you."
"What?"
Qing-er bit her lip, hesitating only a moment before continuing, "I have never spoken of it with anyone, not like this…but, years ago, Lao Fuo Ye had meant to arrange my marriage...she didn't pass an edict because she felt I was too young. And then, when we returned, it was too late. Oh, I knew she still could have, though ErKang had already married. But…seeing him with ZiWei…their happiness…I would be an outsider, my presence would taint such pureness."
"It's not fair."
"No, no, it's not. ErKang and I…we had but a night of poetry and moon. You and Wu-Ah-Ge…"
YuanJia fiddled with the fringe of the cloak. "What am I to do?"
"It is not easy to reclaim your heart once it has been given," was Qing-Ge-Ge's quiet reply.
YuanJia, feeling adrift, looked at her companion, "I…I had not realized that I had lost it."
Qing-er smiled sadly, "You would not be wandering about in the rain if you did not care."
YuanJia fell silent. She could not deny the truth of Qing-Ge-Ge's words.
"I am lucky," Qing-er murmured, "to have been able to mend my heart."
"What?"
Qing-er shook her head, "Nothing…I do not know if I have answers for you. But, I do know…Xiao Yan Zi is as uncertain as you are."
"What cause can she have to be uncertain?"
"Xiao Yan Zi…she has a warm heart…" Qing-er described a little of what she knew of Xiao Yan Zi's background. "She was the big sister for all the children at Da Za Ruan. Before she knew she had family, she made her own. Even afterwards…" she continued to share the story of Xiao Ge Zi's rescue. "Family means a lot to Xiao Yan Zi. And, though you are also living at Jin Yang Gong, she is wary of you because she does not know how to treat you. And Xiao Yan Zi never did do well with uncertainty."
YuanJia gathered the cloak closer to herself again, thinking over Qing-Ge-Ge's words.
Qing-er, to give her companion privacy, turned her attention to the rain.
"Ah," she remarked, sometime later, "I think it's finally safe for us to venture forth again."
YuanJia looked up and noticed that though the sky remained dark, the rain had stopped. She reached to untie the cloak only to have Qing-er stop her actions.
"No, keep it on; I'll walk you back to Jin Yang Gong."
"You have no need to trouble yourself…"
Qing-er just smiled, "What kind of a friend would I be if I let you go back alone?"
"Friend?"
"The palace can be a lonely place."
YuanJia let out a breath. "Yes."
They found Jin Yang Gong quiet. As though no one knew that she was missing, YuanJia thought to herself…or perhaps no one cared to know.
Some of her thought must have shown in her expressions, for Qing-Ge-Ge said quietly, "A warm bath might do you good. But the first priority is for you to get a set of dry clothing."
"Mei-er will arrange it for me," YuanJia replied even as she stepped over the threshold into her quarters.
Qing-er nodded and made to depart.
"Qing-Ge-Ge…"
YuanJia's voice made her turn around again.
"Your cloak…"
Qing-er just smiled, "It's an excuse for us to meet again."
YuanJia wanted to return the smile but… "Qing-Ge-Ge…please do not tell FangCi of my foolishness."
"Xiao Yan Zi would not judge you for it." Qing-er said gently.
YuanJia looked at her pleadingly, "I…I do not think I would be able to stand her pity."
"Xiao Yan Zi is not…"
"Please."
Qing-er sighed. "I promise."
"Thank you."
Mei-er made a fuss over her sodden mistress, but YuanJia felt too drained to answer all her questions. Instead, she said simply, "I wished for a walk and was caught in the rain. Qing-Ge-Ge was kind and offered her cloak." She then voiced a desire to retire early. Mei-er had frowned but did as she was bid.
As her head touched her pillow, YuanJia realized that she had not lied to Mei-er. She really did feel exhausted and soon slipped into sleep.
The next time the prince came to join her for dinner, YuanJia did her best to behave as though nothing had changed. She felt certain that she must have succeeded, for their conversation continued to flow naturally. When time came to retire for the night, however, as she reached to help him with his outer robe, his hand caught hers.
"You are tired, I can tell. I heard that one of your siblings had recently fallen ill. If you should desire to visit your family, you have but to indicate when."
She clasped her hands in her lap, as much to hide their trembling as to keep from clinging onto his hand the way she truly wished.
"If any of them should wish to visit you, you have only to tell Xiao Lu Zi. He will arrange for it."
When she looked up at him in surprise, he smiled a little, "Like you, I have no full blood siblings of my own, but…because of ZiWei, I have learned that in a harmonious family, such distinction should not matter."
"ZiWei Ge Ge is wise."
Wu-Ah-Ge chuckled, "Yes. Even Huang Ah Ma listens to her council."
At her look of surprise, his grin broadened, "Had she either been born a son or been prone to more ambition, her worth would surely equal mine. As it is, ErKang surely knows his good fortune in being her husband. Likewise, I know I am fortunate to be her brother."
YuanJia found she wasn't quite sure how to respond to such candid remarks.
He had taken advantage of her distraction to disrobe and lie down, "Good night."
She lied awake a little longer, listening to the sound of his steady breathing, and pondered at his chosen phrasing. Was it deliberate? For him to define not only the heir of the Fu household but also himself in reference to ZiWei Ge Ge…used as she was to being her father's daughter, her brother's sister, Wu-Ah-Ge's ce FuJin…she thought back to when she had insisted to Qing-Ge-Ge that she had a name…she wasn't certain at the time, what had made her say it. Now though, perhaps she was beginning to understand.
She turned and looked at his sleeping visage. When he was awake, she would never dare to stare at him so. He really was very handsome. Did FangCi think the same? As unladylike as Fang Ci was, surely she could not be immune to such a fact. Or did she take it for granted? That she was at liberty to gaze like this on her husband even in the openness of daylight? As for herself, YuanJia sighed quietly. She was his wife but…she dared not think of him as her husband.
The soft murmur of voices caused her to stir. She opened her eyes and saw Xiao Lu Zi handing the belt to Wu-Ah-Ge. Soon, the creak of the door announced their exit. She sat up in bed, looking at the closed door. Yes, perhaps she will visit her family. Facing her E Niang will be difficult but…as Qing-Ge-Ge said, the palace could be a lonely place.
YuanJia returned to the sound of music. What a beautiful duet! She left Mei-er in charge of resettling into her quarters and followed the sound. Her steps took her to the courtyard outside the prince's study where she saw Wu-Ah-Ge and FangCi playing their xiao's together. The melodious tune, so gentle and soothing, seemed at odds with what she knew about the other lady.
Wu-Ah-Ge was the first to see her.
"Welcome home," he said.
Home? She wondered if her surprise showed on her face.
"I trust your family is well?"
His question saved her from having to think more, "Yes. Ah Ma had me bring back a special vintage, as his token of appreciation for Wu-Ah-Ge's consideration."
She saw the prince and FangCi exchange a wry look.
"Soccolo Da Ren is too kind," the prince replied at last while FangCi covered her lips with a hand, as though to hide a smile.
The three seemed to settle into silence before YuanJia emboldened herself to give compliment, "The song was beautiful."
"ZiWei composed it, in preparation for ErTai's return."
"We are to perform it at the banquet being prepared."
YuanJia looked at the prince questioningly but it was again FangCi who spoke. "ErTai is Yongqi's best friend as well as ZiWei's brother-in-law. Who better to provide the homecoming?"
"Huang Ah Ma has been indulgent in allowing it," the prince supplied.
"It was ZiWei's idea, of course Huang Ah Ma agreed."
Wu-Ah-Ge chuckled though nodded to show his agreement.
"ZiWei Ge Ge is both talented and considerate." YuanJia finally said.
"You remind me of her."
YuanJian stared at FangCi in surprise.
"You are both very learned. In the time that you've been gone, Yongqi has tried to discuss poetry with me and…" she made a face, "thank heavens you're back to rescue me from it all."
YuanJia looked at her for any hint of falsehood, but FangCi's expression remained open and guileless. Could she have really meant it?
"XiaoYanZi!" the prince sounded amused, "you're not completely at a loss in our conversations."
"Only because whenever I get confused, I just agree with whatever you say," she answered in a teasing tone.
"Huh."
"You're so used to having other people agree with your opinions, no wonder you didn't notice."
"I know I can always trust you to say what's on your mind though."
YuanJia, listening to their banter, began to feel superfluous again. When she made to depart, however, FangCi's voice stopped her.
"Wait! I have an idea! Qing-er mentioned that you're a wonderful dancer…do you think you could choreograph a dance to our tune?"
"XiaoYanZi, you can't just force her to perform…not everyone likes the limelight as you do you know. ZiWei is only performing because it's ErTai…"
"I would like to."
Both the prince and FangCi looked at her in surprise. YuanJia just repeated with more conviction, "I would like to be included."
"Wonderful!" FangCi clapped her hands in glee and shot the prince a triumphant look.
"You don't have to agree," the prince said kindly.
"But I truly wish to."
He looked at her thoughtfully a brief moment before FangCi tugged on his arm.
"Stop trying to change her mind!"
"I'm doing no such thing!"
FangCi just rolled her eyes, "Come on, we'd better play the song from the beginning."
"Surely you'll let her rest first? She just returned."
"Oh," FangCi turned to YuanJia apologetically, "My lack of patience is one of my worst faults."
YuanJia startled even herself when she laughed…FangCi reminded her a little of her youngest brother when a treat was taken away from him, it should be annoying behavior in an adult but in FangCi's case, only seemed charming. Catching the expression on Wu-Ah-Ge's face out of the corner of her eye, YuanJia felt certain that the prince thought so as well.
"I am not overly fatigued. Please, play on."
FangCi's grin lit up her whole face.
Their performance was well-received. As she stood on stage between FangCi and ZiWei Ge Ge, however, YuanJia felt her heart soar for reasons other than the standing ovation they had received.
As fireworks boomed overhead, YuanJia felt a tug on her sleeve. "Come on, YuanJia, let's go meet Princess SaiYa. I'm sure she'll have fascinating tales from her homeland to share."
"Should we not wait for Wu-Ah-Ge?"
The prince's laughter was answer enough but still, he said, "I am eager to greet ErTai as well. Ladies, lead the way."
YuanJia wasn't sure how it happened, but arrangements were soon made for a riding expedition.
"It's too bad that LaoFuoYe doesn't like me much, else I'd ask for permission for Qing-er to join us as well."
"Xiao Yan Zi, you can't just say things like that."
"Why not? When it's the truth? You're always telling me about the importance of truth."
"Because…"
"Because sometimes politeness means you keep certain opinions to yourself." ZiWei Ge Ge saved her brother from further stammering.
FangCi pouted but made no further arguments.
"I will, unfortunately, be unable to join," ZiWei Ge Ge continued seamlessly, a hand on her rounded abdomen.
"I'm surprised that brother let you attend tonight, let alone perform," ErTai said to his sister-in-law.
"She was most insistent," ErKang said simply. The way he hovered protectively about his wife and unborn child and the serene smile on ZiWei Ge Ge's lips made YuanJia's heart ache.
To distract herself, she spoke up, "I may have an easier time persuading Lao Fuo Ye."
"Would you?!" FangCi's gaze was full of hope.
"Qing-Ge-Ge is a friend," YuanJia replied quietly, "and if I offer to keep Lao Fuo Ye company in her stead…"
"Oh but you must join us!"
The conviction in FangCi's voice was unexpected.
"Oh but…"
"This is a family outing and you are part of this family."
YuanJia noted the approving nod from ZiWei GeGe, the surprised glance from ErTai towards Wu-Ah-Ge, and Wu-Ah-Ge's own startlement. As for herself…her eyes felt suspiciously moist.
FangCi, however, seemed unaware of the magnitude of her declaration, "Princess SaiYa, I've been told that your favorite weapon is a whip…what a coincidence! Mine is as well, though mine has nine links so I expect some of the technique may be different."
The princess seemed more than willing to indulge FangCi's interest in weaponry and the two seemed on their way to a fast friendship.
"Oh dear. I suspect neither XueShiFu nor JinYangGong will have another moment's peace."
ErTai just laughed, "I am relieved though…SaiYa had been worried that she would not find adequate companionship."
The day on the grassland, YuanJia realized that FangCi had an ulterior motive for requesting Qing-Ge-Ge's presence.
"I am glad you're here," Qing-Ge-Ge commented to YuanJia as the two trotted at more reasonable speeds while their companions raced into the distance.
"I am glad to be included." At Qing-Ge-Ge's questioning look, YuanJia added, "Really."
Qing-Ge-Ge simply smiled and changed the topic. YuanJia was grateful for Qing-Ge-Ge's quiet understanding.
The sound of hooves interrupted their discourse on a new play by the court musicians.
"There's a lovely area shaded by trees up ahead, I think it'll be a lovely place to stop for a rest and a snack."
"But XiaoYanZi, we haven't packed any provisions."
FangCi's eyes seemed to shine brighter than usual, "Oh, no worries, Qing-er, I planned ahead and made arrangements for them to be delivered to us. ErTai and SaiYa wished to ride a little more, but Yongqi is helping set it up as we speak."
"You planned?"
"Hey! Don't sound so doubtful, I can plan!"
Qing-er found that she could not hold her mock serious expression and admitted, "I could use some refreshments."
"Wonderful!"
When the three ladies arrived at the designated spot, YuanJia noticed an unknown young man speaking with Wu-Ah-Ge. He turned at FangCi's cry of "We're here!"
"Oh!"
YuanJia turned to Qing-Ge-Ge and noticed the blush that suddenly appeared on her face. Following her gaze, YuanJia noted that the young man likewise seemed to be just as entranced.
"XiaoJian," YuanJia was perhaps the only one close enough to hear Qing-Ge-Ge's whisper.
YuanJia frowned to herself. Who in the world was XiaoJian?
"Brother! Aren't you going to help Qing-er dismount?"
YuanJia looked sharply at FangCi. Brother?
FangYan, for it must be him, seemed to startle before approaching. He spared not a glance at YuanJia, however, and seemed only to have eyes for her companion.
Ah. YuanJia knew enough from her observations of Wu-Ah-Ge and FangCi to know when she needed to make herself scarce.
She led her horse to join the other ones where they rested. She glanced over, just once, to see FangYan and Qing-Ge-Ge still staring at each other intently. Was she envious? Of course she was. But…she had learned not to linger on such feelings.
"Come on, YuanJia. There are some lovely wildflowers way yonder, let's go pick some to decorate JinYangGong."
She did as she was bid and joined FangCi and Wu-Ah-Ge.
When FangCi wandered a ways away, Wu-Ah-Ge turned towards YuanJia, "About Qing-er and Xiao-Jian…"
"I won't whisper a word of it," YuanJia looked at him, hoping he can see her earnestness, "I understand the trust that jiejie has shown."
He smiled at her. "Thank you…Xiao Yan Zi and I…we have been lucky."
She ducked her head.
"I do mean it, YuanJia. Anyone else in your position…"
She knew what he had left unsaid. Still, she felt obliged to answer, "I have also been fortunate in that jiejie is of a generous spirit."
"Xiao Yan Zi...she is always a constant source of surprise. Just when I think I'm beginning to understand her…"
She saw the soft look on his face as he gazed in FangCi's direction, "you are well matched."
"Hmmm?"
YuanJia knew her opinion on the matter was not needed. "I wondered if, like his sister, FangYan also had a nickname?"
He answered with a question of his own, "What do you know about the Fang siblings?"
"Qing-Ge-Ge has told me a little of jiejie's life before Hu TaiYi adopted her."
"And her brother?"
"Just what my brother has observed."
He nodded, "Before he reclaimed the identity of FangYan, XiaoYanZi's brother wandered the jianghu as XiaoJian, for the two items he always carried with him." He then recited the poem and told her a brief version of the wrongs that the Fang family had suffered.
"I see." She said and meant it.
"He has been careful to keep the two identities separate; some of the connections he had made as XiaoJian can be seen as dubious and...questionable to be associated with FangYan."
"He must be a very disciplined person to have a foot in the worlds of both light and dark."
"Yes. Although, despite the dangers within the jianghu, I think he has a harder time being FangYan."
"But that is who he must be to earn LaoFuoYe's approval."
We-Ah-Ge nodded, "Even XiaoYanZi knows it. She has stopped asking to be part of the riskier cases, even though I know she yearns for the challenge."
"Do you not worry for her?"
"Of course I do. But neither can I ask her to be anyone other than who she is."
Just then, FangCi returned with a wreath of flowers that she plopped onto YuanJia's head.
"There, they suit you. Sweet and unassuming."
YuanJia took her words to be the compliment that they were intended to be. The thought that FangCi was like a child again crossed her mind. But as she watched Wu-Ah-Ge's laughing protests as FangCi attempted to gift him with a similar crown and the subsequent chase as he tried to escape being similarly bedecked, she realized just how precious such openness was to the prince.
YuanJia soon found herself an accomplice in various attempts to create opportunities for Qing-Ge-Ge and her suitor. Qing-Ge-Ge had tried to voice her thanks but YuanJia had shaken her head before slipping away quietly, "I too recognize when something is too pure not to be allowed to flourish."
The sound of shattering china as she returned to JinYangGong caught her off guard. She had meant to visit FangCi, to report on another success, but the sound of raised voices made her pause.
The door suddenly slammed open and Wu-Ah-Ge stormed out. Something white flew through the doorway and smashed onto the ground behind him, causing him to pause only a second. He set his expression and continued on his path, completely missing YuanJia's presence.
YuanJia bit her lip before gingerly making her way towards FangCi's quarters. She knocked on the doorway and ducked just in time to miss another teacup being thrown.
FangCi had looked up at her sound of distress, "Oh! I'm sorry! I thought you were…somebody else." She seemed unwilling to say Wu-Ah-Ge's name.
"No...it's just me."
FangCi sat down at the table, "I'm afraid I haven't got any more cups left…"
"I'll go ask Nae Ru Fu for another set."
"YuanJia…"
YuanJia turned back in the doorway, "Jiejie?"
"I…" FangCi pursed her lips in thought before she said, "you have no need to trouble yourself. I'll send MingYue or CaiXia."
"Then I'll go fetch a set from my rooms. I think...I think jiejie is in need of some tea."
"Tea? No...I am in need of something much stronger…"
"Jiejie?"
"I have no need of cups." FangCi rummaged among her cabinets before coming up with a few flasks, "ah ha!"
Handing one to YuanJia, she plopped down onto the steps.
"Jiejie?"
FangCi looked up, "I know it's not the polite thing to do, not very ladylike, but…" She uncorked her flask and took a deep drink, "sometimes...the occasion calls for it."
YuanJia hesitated before sitting next to her.
"Go on, open it. It's just the simplest wine served at HuiBingLou, nothing too potent."
YuanJia took a sip and coughed a little.
"Ah, it's probably too coarse and common for the likes of you." The bitterness of her voice made YuanJia think that she wasn't just referring to the wine.
Not knowing what to say, YuanJia took another sip. The second time, she was prepared for the burn. Still, she had not even made it halfway through her flask when FangCi was already on her third one.
"Jiejie…"
"Hmmm?"
"Should my fingers be tingling?"
FangCi stared at her incredulously before breaking into helpless giggles. "You really don't drink, do you?"
"I...only ceremonial sips," YuanJia wondered if her cheeks were warm more from FangCi's response or from the alcohol.
"Even now you're so refined! You're truly suited to be ce FuJin."
"Jiejie has the same title."
FangCi took another drink and let the silence stretch between them. When she did speak, her voice was thoughtful, "I think falling in love with me is the worst thing that could have happened to him."
"What?" YuanJia almost choked again.
"You are the kind of woman he needs...polite, dutiful, filial...you don't give offense just with your mere presence. What could I have been thinking?" She waved an arm around, "this world….I will never truly belong to it. A common sparrow cannot turn into a phoenix just through strength of will."
YuanJia knew what her E Niang would say. Here was a chance to win Wu-Ah-Ge for herself. But...as the adage goes, the stolen melon loses its sweetness. She took another sip; she could always blame the wine later, "But jiejie is not a sparrow."
"What?"
"And Wu-Ah-Ge does not want a phoenix."
"What would you know about what he wants?"
YuanJia knew FangCi didn't mean to be unkind. Perhaps that knowledge was what caused her to be honest. "I know enough about what he does not want."
FangCi frowned and looked at her companion. YuanJia, however, felt oddly peaceful as she met FangCi's gaze.
"There was a time that I would have run away." FangCi finally said before taking a long sip. She seemed annoyed as she held the now empty jar upside down and no more wine flowed. Instead of reaching for another jar, however, she simply set the one in her hand aside, and changed position to lean against the post and look up at the now darkened sky.
"Where would you have gone?"
"Anywhere, everywhere. I would have made a name for myself, like my father, like my brother. Continued the family legacy of standing up for justice and ridding the world of those who would take advantage of those who could not defend themselves." She grew more animated as she sketched out such possibilities. Just as suddenly, however, she seemed to deflate, "But that can no longer be my reality. Like the rest of the women in this place, I no longer live for just myself."
The last part was muttered quietly, dejectedly.
YuanJia thought of Qing-Ge-Ge, thought of FangYan, thought of HuTaiYi and Hu YaLuo...and of course of Wu-Ah-Ge...the ties that bound FangCi, more so than duty or obligation...
"And yet, jiejie does not regret."
FangCi made no reply but did look at YuanJia with the same odd expression. When she did speak, it was with a question of her own, "Do you?"
YuanJia wondered if FangCi really knew what she was asking.
"Regret is a luxury few women in this palace are allowed and even fewer can afford."
FangCi waved a hand dismissively, "I am not asking about them, but about you."
"What can I have to regret?" YuanJia at last replied with forced nonchalance.
FangCi looked like she was going to pursue the matter further but, after staring at YuanJia a moment more, seemed to change her mind. Kicking off her shoes, she flung them into the bushes vindictively.
"I really hate those shoes."
"They are meant to add to a lady's air of grace by forcing an upright posture."
FangCi snorted, "Torture devices, that's what they are. It takes at least twice as long to walk the same distance."
"Jiejie manages well nonetheless.".
FangCi snorted again, "Only when I'm at risk of being seen. When I'm just in Jin Yang Gong, I much prefer to wear normal, sensible slippers."
YuanJia blinked, although she really shouldn't be surprised that FangCi would do such a thing.
"Urg, I shouldn't have tossed them like that." FangCi made face as she stood up and made to look for the lost footwear.
Something about the sight of her rummaging through the bushes was just too ridiculous and YuanJia found herself giggling. Once she started, she had difficulty stopping. FangCi looked at her in concern and, abandoning her search for the moment, returned to the steps to feel YuanJia's forehead.
"Well, you haven't a fever…" YuanJia heard her mutter, "still…" YuanJia let her take away the bottle. "I'm in enough trouble as it is, without adding the crime of getting you drunk...I can just imagine what Lao Fuo Ye will say to that…"
"Jiejie…" YuanJia at last calmed herself enough to ask, "what happened?"
FangCi's expression immediately darkened, "It's those shoes…I didn't mean to knock into Imperial Noble Consort Chunhui and cause her to fall. Though maybe if she were wearing sensible shoes, she would have caught her own balance."
"Jiejie did what?!" YuanJia's mirth disappeared as abruptly as it came, "surely jiejie must know that Imperial Noble Consort Chunhui is second only to Huang Hou Niang Niang in rank!"
"Of course I do! I'm not stupid!" FangCi exclaimed. She softened her voice as she continued, "Imperial Noble Consort Chunhui was forgiving enough, since I was blindfolded at the time but of course Lao Fuo Ye was there to see it! So now I've got to copy the stupid conduct manual for a graceful lady."
"Blindfolded?"
FangCi shrugged, "I was playing with Hejing and Heke."
"Ah."
"Three obediences and four virtues...bah!"
YuanJia was not surprised at the disdainful way FangCi spoke of the principles that had been so key in YuanJia's own upbringing. Still… "Lao Fuo Ye is a traditionalist."
"Urg, and don't I know it! Every time I see her, I feel out of sorts. I swear my appearance is never correct in her eyes. Does it really matter if there's a little wrinkle at my hem or if my hair pins aren't perfectly symmetrical?"
"It's not purely about ornamentation...those details reflect on jiejie's position, on Wu-Ah-Ge's position."
FangCi made another disgruntled sound, "Of course I know what everybody says, that I'm not good enough for him. I'm too unruly, too outspoken, too rambunctious, too loud…"
"Too unapologetically alive." YuanJia declared.
FangCi looked at her strangely, "Well of course I'm alive. As are you. Neither of us are ghosts after all."
"It's not quite the same."
"If you say so." Hearing the gong sound the hour, FangCi stood and stretched. "Goodness, the time has run away with us, hasn't it?"
YuanJia also stood, though she wavered a little on her feet. FangCi reached out a hand to steady her.
"Hold on. I should give you a bit of XiaoGeZi's special cordial. It'll help prevent a headache tomorrow."
Over YuanJia's protests, FangCi, still only in her stockinged feet, returned YuanJia to her own quarters. Mei-er had stared wide-eye at the two of them.
"A drop now, a drop tomorrow," FangCi handed the vial over to the maid after helping tuck YuanJia underneath her blankets.
Mei-er could only nod mutely.
Seemingly satisfied, FangCi departed.
"Xiaojie? Have you been….drinking?"
"I'm fine." At Mei-er's continued worried expression, YuanJia mustered a smile, "jiejie would not harm me."
"Xiaojie…"
"I know E Niang gave you instructions to protect me, but...Mei-er, trust me."
"Xiaojie has fallen under her spell, just like Wu-Ah-Ge."
YuanJia shook her head at Mei-er's disapproving tone, "Jiejie is not that sort."
"Xiaojie…"
"She is not capable of that type of scheming." YuanJia allowed a note of warning to color her words.
At Mei-er's chagrined expression, YuanJia added more kindly, "besides, she has no need for it."
"Xiaojie…" Mei-er's words were more saddened.
YuanJia, however, just smiled, "nor do we. I've seen E Niang through the years...the resentment she has harbored because of Ah Ma's indifference...it has only served to push him away further and has made her bitter and deeply unhappy. I do not wish to become her."
"Xiaojie has grown bold."
"Have I? Maybe it's jiejie's influence...these thoughts, they are my own." This life, it's also mine to live, she thought, but did not say.
Some days later, she overheard a conversation that reinforced her conviction. She had been hiding from the unexpected lingering heat in the shade of the jiashan (fake mountain) when she heard Fu Er Tai's voice.
"I must applaud you for managing your household so well."
"What do you mean?"
"I would have expected Xiao Yan Zi to cause much more drama."
"Ah. You underestimate her."
"She must truly care for you."
YuanJia could easily imagine the look on Wu-Ah-Ge's face as he thought on FangCi. She wasn't surprised at his heartfelt comment, "I marvel at the extent of her affections, every day."
There was a pause before he added, "But we have both also been fortunate in YuanJia."
"She is the type of lady you have always been expected to marry."
"Yes."
"Yet her sacrifice is no less than XiaoYanZi's."
YuanJia wished for a moment that she could see Wu-Ah-Ge's expression.
"Don't look at me like that. I know you can see well enough that the poor girl loves you."
"ErTai!"
"Don't you ErTai me. You trust those close to you to give you their honest opinions. ErKang is too diplomatic to remark on it. XiaoJian has a clear conflict of interest where XiaoYanZi is concerned. ZiWei and Qing-er are both too polite to state it. But that does not make it less true."
YuanJia held her breath. Her heart pounded so loudly in her ears, she almost missed Wu-Ah-Ge's reply.
"I know...and perhaps, had I never met XiaoYanZi...as it is...I am not Huang Ah Ma. As fond as I am of YuanJia...I can give her my time, my friendship, my attention...but I cannot give her that which is already in another's keeping."
Silence fell before he added in a wary voice, "Besides...she has never asked for it, in words or actions."
ErTai snorted, "A matter of self preservation."
Wu-Ah-Ge sighed. "If you are advising me to keep my distance…"
"It's too late for that. Besides, you wouldn't be able to anyways. You feel that you owe her too much not to treat her with kindness."
The prince was silent before saying, "More than that...I really am fond of YuanJia... and...XiaoYanZi has determined to treat her as she would XiaoGeZi. She knows that YuanJia was not given a choice."
Their footsteps faded into the distance. YuanJia loosened her hold on the book in her hands and took a deep breath. Choice? No, she really didn't have a choice. All that had ever been required of her was obedience. And, not knowing any other way, she had done as expected. But now...she had chosen. Since understanding FangCi's place in Wu-Ah-Ge's life, she had chosen. For self preservation, yes, as Fu ErTai had observed, but also…also because, as Qing-Ge-Ge had the wisdom to see, her choice minimized misery. Certainly, her situation was different, for she had no hopes of a second chance, but…
"YuanJia! Are you here? Oh good! I've found you! Such good news! We are aunts now!"
"You mean…"
"Xiao Ge Zi brought the news herself! ZiWei and Dong-er are both doing well."
YuanJia smiled broadly, both at such glad tidings and at the sheer joy emanating from FangCi.
"Come on now, we must greet the newest member of our family!"
YuanJia let herself be pulled along, laughing at FangCi's, no XiaoYanZi's, excited chatter as she speculated on which parent the baby would resemble in looks and personality.
Before, her brother had thought she could be happy. Now, she was choosing to be.