Musings

by snowberryrose

Stories and reflections that come to me as I watch and re-watch HZGG, including the newest version

26. Stay: XiaoYanZi and Yongqi

Stay: XYZ & Yongqi

Yongqi started to cough towards the end of the summer. No one thought much of it at the time. After all, he had inhaled a lot of smoke when he rescued the emperor from the burning building.

It was an unusually hot and dry summer. As such, a select portion of the court had removed to the Summer Palace, which offered cooler quarters.

The emperor decided that two months was enough time not to have seen his daughter on a regular basis and so ZiWei and ErKang had also temporarily relocated with the court.

The only other person happier than the emperor with this arrangement was perhaps XiaoYanZi. She had moped for the first few weeks after ZiWei married. The servants at Shu Fang Zhai weren't sure how to cheer her up. Then, after a chance encounter with 12-Ah-Ge in the palace gardens, she pulled out the shadow puppets she had made on a whim and decided to host weekly shows for her younger siblings.

ZiWei, when she had initially moved to the palace, had decided that Xi You Ji was the easiest of the four classics and so, though XiaoYanZi would have much preferred reading about the tales of heroes in Shui Hu Zhuan, XiaoYanZi found herself slowly making her way through the book ZiWei had chosen for her. Their trip south with the emperor had interrupted her reading but she found that it was easy to pick the story line back up again. And it was probably a more appropriate book for the children in the palace anyways. Yongqi was right, she really should listen to ZiWei more.

When the court moved to the summer palace, she was able to pull ZiWei, ErKang, and Yongqi into her efforts. The younger royal children had loved the way their XiaoYanZi jiejie told the stories so animatedly using different voices but when their ZiWei jiejie added sound effects on her guqin and ErKang ge ge and Yongqi ge ge gave live demonstrations of what some of the battles between Sun Wu Kong and some of the demons must have looked like, the stories truly came to life. Why, ZiWei jiejie even composed a theme song for these gatherings that the children took to singing before the curtain on the little stage XiaoYanZi had built would rise.

The emperor caught wind of these performances and, accompanied by both Ling Fei and the empress, decided to watch one as well.

ZiWei, the only one who wasn't hidden behind the screen, spied her father and made to stand only to nod her head in understanding when the emperor put a finger to his lips.

The emperor's unmistakable laugh made XiaoYanZi pop her head out from behind the stage after a particularly amusing exchange between Zhu Ba Jie and Sun Wu Kong, "Huang Ah Ma! What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to ensure that you weren't falsely interpreting such a classic of course."

XiaoYanZi scoffed, "Huang Ah Ma, the book is so exciting by itself, I didn't have to do much embellishments at all. Besides, do you really think the three of them would let me?"

The emperor just laughed again at the sheepish expressions on her companions' faces, "It is truly a worthwhile pursuit. Zhen is glad to have had a chance to see it."

XiaoYanZi grinned widely, "I am glad Huang Ah Ma approves!"

Ling Fei Niang Niang, her arms around her two daughters, also smiled, "Chengqie had been so worried that the children would be bored. I should have known that with XiaoYanZi around, they would be capably entertained."

The empress, though, said, "although, Yongji is no longer a child, I hardly think that he should spend time with such frivolous matters."

"It's true that Yongji has grown much taller this summer," the emperor replied, "but he should still be allowed a chance to relax. The summer is too lovely to spend cooped up with books all day. Come, we will not disrupt their fun much longer."

As they walked away, Yongqi saw the flash of annoyance across the empress's face. As he caught ZiWei and ErKang exchange a look out of the corner of his eye, he was certain that they saw it too. The emperor was strict with all his children's education, but his words that day...they could certainly be interpreted to mean that he did not intend to be extra strict with Yongji…

"Well, let's get back to the story, shall we?"

XiaoYanZi's question was met with cheers from the children.

Despite himself, Yongqi smiled at XiaoYanZi's bright demeanor. It was hard to think of such serious matters in her presence.

The more relaxed atmosphere within the Summer Palace meant that XiaoYanZi acted with much less decorum than she should have. Thus, when the heat of the day became too much for her, she flung off her shoes and socks, removed her headdress and the outer layers of her clothing, and started wading into the lake.

"XiaoYanZi, what are you doing?!" ZiWei cried in alarm.

"Going for a swim of course!"

"You really shouldn't…"

"Who's going to see? Come on, ZiWei, the water's so much more cooling than that fan you've got."

"But I can't swim!"

"Then just stay in the shallows."

ZiWei bit her lip...it did look tempting. It was crazy but…"MingYue, JinSuo, will the two of you keep watch?"

MingYue, having become accustomed to XiaoYanZi's behavior, nodded.

But JinSuo frowned, "Xiaojie, you're really going to…"

"We're in a relatively secluded corner of the lake and with the big willow trees nearby...it is very warm today."

XiaoYanZi gave a great cheer as she saw ZiWei taking off her own shoes.

"I must be losing my mind," ZiWei said to her sworn sister as XiaoYanZi swam back closer to the bank, "to listen to you."

"Admit it, aren't you much cooler?"

ZiWei sighed, the water did feel nice.

"I could teach you to swim," XiaoYanZi offered.

"It would be a useful skill, wouldn't it? Though I don't know when I'd need to use it…"

"Come on. It's rare that I can teach you anything."

ZiWei smiled, "Alright."

"Just relax, let the water buoy you."

ZiWei hesitated but then leaned back as XiaoYanZi had instructed.

"Good, now kick your legs away from the bottom."

ZiWei did so but then panicked and stood up again instead, "I can't."

"Yes, you can. Really, ZiWei, how can you have grown up on the banks of a lake and never learned to float?"

"I...there was never an opportunity, I didn't go out very much growing up."

XiaoYanZi made sympathetic noises but then pulled at ZiWei's arm, "come on, I'll hold on to you when you try this time."

ZiWei took a deep breath and let herself be coaxed into the right posture. It took a few tries, but at last ZiWei relaxed enough to float on the water.

"There you go," she heard XiaoYanZi murmur as she felt her sister's hold on her gradually lessen.

It was quite relaxing, to see the sunlight filtered through the leaves of the willow trees. And the water was so very cooling.

A wave suddenly splashed over her face. She stood and sputtered, "XiaoYanZi!"

XiaoYanZi just laughed, "I'm just celebrating your success."

ZiWei glared at her and shoved water right back.

Before long, the two of them were laughing as they did their best to completely drench the other. Caught up in their play, they forgot to pay attention to any activity on the banks.

"Oh! Wu Ah Ge, ErKang shaoye!"

JinSuo nervously rose from her curtsy.

Neither young man, however, seemed capable of speech.

ErKang could not help but think that his wife looked like a water nymph as he stared, transfixed. As for Yongqi...surely XiaoYanZi had never been so beautiful than in that moment of disinhibited joy. He should have averted his eyes, with her in a state of relative undress, but he felt frozen in place.

JinSuo heard the prince murmur some lines of poetry that she didn't understand. But then, hearing his tone and seeing the look on his face, she felt that surely she didn't need to.

Without a word, ErKang strode towards the water.

"Oh! ErKang!" ZiWei blushed at having been caught.

He minded not the water but just lifted her into his arms and started walking back towards the bank.

"Hey! You can't just…" XiaoYanZi's protest, though, fell on deaf ears as she saw JinSuo obediently trotting after her mistress as ErKang walked further down the path, ZiWei still held securely in his arms.

"ErKang...you've frightened XiaoYanZi…" ZiWei murmured.

When he didn't reply, she glanced up and found that she couldn't read his expression.

"ErKang?"

He stayed quiet until the door to their quarters had closed.

"ZiWei…" his voice sounded very strained as he let her stand on her own two feet.

"XiaoYanZi was teaching me to swim. I promise, I was in no danger."

He shook his head.

She frowned. If he wasn't worried about her safety, what…

When his lips landed hotly on hers, she finally understood.

"ErKang…"

"You looked entirely too lovely," he whispered hoarsely as his peeled her wet clothing from her body.

Back at the lake, XiaoYanZi quickly returned to shore and, slipping on her slippers, made to go after ZiWei.

Yongqi's hand on her arm, however, stopped her. "I don't think you should follow them."

"But I need to explain. I don't want ErKang to be upset with me."

"I can assure you that he is definitely not angry."

"No? But he looked so…"

"Intense?"

XiaoYanZi nodded.

"That is for an altogether different reason."

"What?"

Yongqi shifted, uncomfortable with the direction their conversation was going, "Just...you really shouldn't follow them."

"But why?"

"XiaoYanZi, just trust me?" He really didn't want to explain.

She opened her mouth, likely to argue, but something about his expression must have made her change her mind. Shrugging, she just said, "oh, alright."

"And you should go get dry too."

XiaoYanZi sighed and let MingYue help her put on the outer layers of clothing. "Well, it was fun while it lasted."

Yongqi smiled as he reached across and plucked a stray leaf from her hair, "Just try not to run into anyone. I don't want you getting into trouble."

"I'm excellent at sneaking around," she responded.

"I'm sure you are."

He watched her go, the leaf still held between his fingers, and sighed. How he envied ErKang in that moment. As he turned to return to his own study, however, a glimmer on the ground caught his eye. Bending down, he saw a pin that she had forgotten. It was such a little thing, could be easily replaced. Surely she lost pins like it all the time. It would do no harm to keep it, would it?

---

"What are you working on?"

He glanced up, "XiaoYanZi! What are you doing here?"

"ZiWei taught me to make some tea cakes. She said you've been working too much so I thought I'd bring you a snack. I always work better on a full stomach."

"Where's ZiWei?"

"ErKang took her on a boating trip to see the lotus blossoms."

"Very romantic," he commented.

She shrugged, "I thought they would get less disgustingly sweet once they married."

"Do you mind?"

"Mind?"

"That you don't get to spend as much time with ZiWei."

XiaoYanZi shook her head, "She's very happy, as she deserves to be. Besides, she's entered into a new stage of life."

"That's very wise of you."

She shook her head again, "No, she had said that when SaiYa was getting married too."

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"Have you any desire to join them in that next stage of life?"

She laughed, "None whatsoever. I am quite happy as I am."

"Good." And if he said it too emphatically, she certainly didn't notice.

"Anyways, try the cakes?"

He did as she bid. It was quite delicious. Sugary but tart at the same time. And he told her as much.

She grinned, "I had almost mistaken the salt for sugar."

He coughed, grateful that he had already swallowed his bite, "Really?"

She nodded and was about to say more when a yell was heard outside.

"Fire!"

They both sprang out of their seats.

"Where's the fire?"

When he heard the answer, Yongqi panicked, "That's where Huang Ah Ma is."

"Oh no!"

XiaoYanZi followed closely at his heels as he ran.

The fire was impressive. XiaoYanZi had never seen so many servants in one place as they bustled to and fro with buckets of water.

"Where's the emperor?" she heard Yongqi demand.

The eunuch looked frightened as he pointed, "In there…"

Oh no. XiaoYanZi gasped. Not in the building.

When she saw Yongqi straightening his shoulders, she grabbed at his arm, "You can't."

"XiaoYanZi, I have to."

"But what if you…." she couldn't bring herself to say the word.

"I'll be fine," he reassured her.

Her eyes were wide with fear, "You can't promise that."

"XiaoYanZi, another moment that we stand here is another moment that Huang Ah Ma is in danger."

She blinked. She knew the truth of his words. "Wait, just a moment."

"XiaoYanZi!" He watched as she ran for one of the comforters one of the eunuchs had been using to beat out flames, dunked it in water, and then run back with it.

"Here, take this...it's not much, but it's something."

He took it with a nod and using it as a cape, ran into the fire.

XiaoYanZi watched, her hands twisting. He had to be alright.

And that was where ZiWei found her.

"XiaoYanZi, you should back away."

"I can't!" XiaoYanZi said as she flung a bucket of water into the flames, "ZiWei, he went in there…"

"Who went in there?"

"Yongqi…"

"What? Why?"

"HuangAhMa is in there."

ZiWei gasped. "No."

XiaoYanZi paused for a brief moment, "ZiWei...I'm scared…"

ZiWei squeezed her hand, "they'll be alright, both of them. You'll see."

A tear fell down XiaoYanZi's cheek, "I want to believe it, I do…"

"Oh XiaoYanZi," ZiWei gathered her sworn sister into her arms.

XiaoYanZi straightened suddenly, "You're right, they'll be fine. We will ensure it."

ZiWei nodded, "what can I do?"

Much would be said, afterwards, of HeSi Ge Ge's skills at organization and Huan Zhu Ge Ge's ability to raise morales during such a stressful event. The two girls organized the servants into assembly lines so that water was not wasted. When ErKang arrived with reinforcement of larger containers of water on carts, the new guards were easily incorporated in an orderly fashion.

ZiWei had also set up a small area to help treat the wounded and nodded in relief when JinSuo arrived with new sheets to be torn into bandages.

"ZiWei!" she looked up when she heard XiaoYanZi's voice. The bandages in her hand dropped to the ground as she saw Yongqi's sooty face greet her.

"Oh! Thank heavens!

He let her wipe at his face but did not smile, "Huang Ah Ma…"

"Yes?" she paused in her movements.

He coughed a little, "ZiWei...he was so still when I found him…"

"Where is he now?"

"I came to fetch you, actually."

"Go on, xiaojie," JinSuo said comfortingly.

ZiWei nodded gratefully and followed Yongqi and XiaoYanZi.

They arrived to see various consorts kneeling in the courtyard. ZiWei's heart thudded fearfully. The eunuch standing in the doorway, however, perked up when he saw the three of them.

"Wu Ah Ge, Huan Zhu Ge Ge, HeSi Ge Ge, Huang Shang had asked for you."

Had she been in a less anxious state, ZiWei might have noticed the jealous looks that were cast their way. No one else had been allowed admittance.

"Huang Ah Ma."

The emperor was sitting propped on his bed, a bowl of medicine in hand.

"It seems that ZiWei is not the only one who thinks so little of her own life," he commented dryly, "Yongqi, what on earth possessed you…"

"Huang Ah Ma xi nu, Yongqi had little time to think…"

"Zhen supposed that you also acted on instinct?" He sighed, "have you really so little instinct for self-preservation?"

"Er cheng…" Yongqi quieted when his father lifted an eyebrow.

The emperor coughed a little more before sighing again, "Yongqi, you must know...such selflessness is befitting a prince but can prove detrimental in a ruler."

"And yet did Huang Ah Ma not order the servants to leave?"

The emperor paused, caught off guard at the audacity of his usually dutiful son.

"Er cheng spoke out of turn."

The emperor's laugh was short lived as he broke into another fit of coughing, "You'd best send in ZiWei and XiaoYanZi before XiaoYanZi breaks down that door herself."

Yongqi moved to obey.

The emperor smiled as his two daughters rushed into the room. "As you can see, zhen remains alive."

He let each hold on to a hand, "Ah you two, zhen has heard quite favorable reports about what you did to help contain the fire."

For once, XiaoYanZi did not take the opportunity to boast, "Huang Ah Ma…" With a sob, she hugged him tight.

Looking slightly alarmed, the emperor turned towards ZiWe, who also had tears in her eyes.

"Huang Ah Ma...we were so worried."

"Ah, but surely you know, dragons are creatures born of fire."

ZiWei wiped at her eyes and nodded.

The emperor patted XiaoYanZi on the back, "Alright, XiaoYanZi, it's passed. Because of Yongqi's foolishness, zhen is still here."

"He wasn't foolish," XiaoYanZi sniffled as she gained control of herself again, "he was very brave."

"Hmm…" he wiped at her cheek, "and you are usually much braver."

XiaoYanZi's lips still trembled.

"It's passed," the emperor said again.

XiaoYanZi nodded but did not let go of her father's hand.

Later, XiaoYanZi found Yongqi after he had a chance to freshen up. She wrinkled her nose, "You still smell like smoke."

"I scrubbed very carefully," he said.

She sniffed and then, with no warning, punched him in the arm, hard.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Don't you ever scare me like that again!"

While he gaped at her, she stamped a foot in emphasis, "I mean it."

"XiaoYanZi…"

He was further caught off guard when she hugged him close, "I can't...can't lose you…"

"You haven't lost me," he said quietly as he held her close.

He heard her sniffle.

"XiaoYanZi, please don't cry…"

"I'm not crying," she said stubbornly.

"Then it must be the smell of smoke."

"Yes," she nodded her head.

"XiaoYanZi?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to keep holding me like this?"

She released him and punched his arm again.

"Ow!"

"And that's for taking advantage of me."

"If I recall correctly, I'm the injured party here. If anyone's being taken advantage of, it's me." Not that he truly minded, but he couldn't let her know that.

She just harrumphed and pushed the plateful of cakes at him, "eat something."

"I did."

"Well, eat some more."

"XiaoYanZi."

She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Alright, alright!" he admitted defeat and, under her watchful eyes, ate another cake.

Her expression softened as he swallowed.

"Better?" he asked her.

"Yes." She uncrossed her arms.

"I do appreciate how much you care," he said.

She blinked at him, suddenly aware that they were alone together. "I…"

She flushed and muttered something about having to get back before she fled his presence.

She did not rest until she was safely ensconced in her own room. Why was her heart beating so fast? Why did she blush?

She tried to think. She had been worried about him, of course she was. He was her friend, her brother. It was reasonable to worry about him. Since ZiWei married, he had become her main source of company. Caring for him, for his health, for his life, was natural. Wasn't it?

She needed to talk to someone, she needed ZiWei. As she was about to knock on ZiWei's door, however, she heard the sound of muffled voices before another noise that sounded suspiciously like a moan...oh. She blushed again and quickly turned back around the way she came.

She understand then why Yongqi had told her not to follow ErKang and ZiWei that day. It seemed...there were some things that couldn't be shared.

She tried to sleep but only tossed and turned in her bed. What was wrong with her?

---

"Are you mad at me?"

She looked up from the new shadow puppet she was making, "what?"

"You've been avoiding me."

"No I haven't. You've been busy."

He inclined his head. That much was true. His father had assigned him the task of organizing inspections of current local magistrates after their return from the southern trip. It sounded easy in principle, but was proving to be frustrating work. He constantly felt like tearing out his hair as he sorted through the various political hurdles and navigated the maze of human greed.

"But you've still been avoiding me."

XiaoYanZi turned back to her project and cut the wooden handle with more force than was necessary.

He sat across from her, "I want to know why."

"Don't you have some report or other to finish?"

Technically, yes. But her behavior concerned him. "Then you'd better tell me soon."

"It's nothing."

"It can't be nothing," he insisted, eyeing the knife in her hand. He was thankful when she set it aside.

She looked up at him, "Nothing's wrong."

"I don't believe you."

"That's your problem," she retorted.

"XiaoYanZi."

"I don't want to talk about it," she stood up.

"XiaoYanZi." he also stood and blocked her way.

She pushed at him ineffectively.

"Tell me. I want to help."

"You can't help."

"Try me."

He didn't move even when she glared at him.

"You're the problem!" she at last blurted.

He took a step back at her unexpected answer, "what?"

She could have escaped then, but didn't, "you're the problem." she repeated in a quieter voice.

"I don't understand."

"I don't either," she said, her brows knitted together, "I just know...something's different. I don't know what it is."

"Different how?"

"Just...different." Her answer was weak and she knew it.

"Maybe...maybe if you describe it to me?"

She bit her lip, "I don't know how."

"Try?"

She sighed, "why are you so persistent?"

"Because I care about you."

"That's part of the problem."

"How can that be a problem?"

"Because...because...when you said that, I...I…" she clutched at her chest.

Oh. Suddenly, he understood. "I see…"

"You do?"

But how was he to tell her?

"You're right, I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry to have pried."

"You can't just leave!" This time, it was she who blocked his path.

"XiaoYanZi…"

"Stay and explain." When he just shook his head, she added, "please?"

"XiaoYanZi…" he stared into her inquisitive eyes, feeling himself weakening.

"Help me understand."

"I…" he always was powerless against her, "I think, I think you're starting to develop feelings...ones you've never felt before…"

She nodded, yes, that sounded right.

"And...and you find that your heart beats fast and your breath comes up short…"

She nodded again.

"And you have no control over your thoughts…"

"Yes, that's exactly it. How do you know?"

He wanted to laugh, "Because...because I have experienced those same exact things."

"What does it mean?"

"It means...it means…" he wet his lips, "it means, this person you think about, who suddenly consumes all your thoughts, is very, very important to you."

At her puzzled expression, he added, "the same way ErKang is important to ZiWei."

"Oh." He watched as understanding dawned.

"Oh." she said again, realizing the inappropriateness of their conversation. Still, she wanted to be sure, "and that person, for me...is you?"

He nodded.

"Oh."

She looked up at him again, "and...and...that person, for you...is…"

He didn't want to hide anymore. "Is you…has always been you."

"But...but...you never said."

"I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because...XiaoYanZi, you're Huan Zhu Ge Ge."

"Right." How could she have forgotten? "So...that's it?"

"What's it?"

"There's nothing we can do about it."

"No, no there isn't."

She let out a breath, "maybe...maybe it'll just go away."

He smiled a little. He had hoped it would too, back in the beginning. "Maybe."

"Yongqi," she set her chin stubbornly, "nothing has to change."

"No," he agreed. He would take his lead from her.

"Go finish your reports," she said.

He nodded, "if you need to talk…"

"I know where to find you."

XiaoYanZi stood a moment more in the courtyard, thinking on their conversation. She felt calmer now that she understood. The not knowing had bothered her more than what she was actually experiencing. And now that she knew...nothing had to change. Nothing could change.

When ZiWei arrived to discuss the story for the week, she could tell something was different. She observed XiaoYanZi throughout their discourse. XiaoYanZi was still just as enthusiastic, just as creative, just as animated. And yet…

"XiaoYanZi."

"Hmmm?" XiaoYanZi was focused on reorganizing their cast of paper characters.

"Something's happened."

XiaoYanZi stilled. Why was ZiWei so perceptive?

"XiaoYanZi?"

She knew there was no point in trying to evade and just nodded.

At ZiWei's expectant look, XiaoYanZi said, "I...figured some things out recently. With Yongqi's help."

"What kind of things?"

"I...I care about him, and not just as a brother."

"And…"

"And he cares about me too, in...in that way…"

"In what way?"

XiaoYanZi shoved at her sworn sister, "you're cruel to make me say it."

"I just wanted to be sure that you understood."

"I do."

"So…"

"So nothing. Nothing's going to change."

At ZiWei's doubtful expression, XiaoYanZi said resolutely, "really. And maybe...maybe...it'll pass and we'll look back on it and laugh about it."

ZiWei's look said quite plainly that she did not believe it. And in truth, XiaoYanZi didn't believe it either. But then, what else could they do?

---

Shortly after they returned to the palace, Yongqi was made Rong Qin Wang. It was a cause for celebration but, once XiaoYanZi realized that it meant Yongqi would be granted his own estate, was also a cause for sadness. It was another change, wasn't it?

"I'm not moving just yet," he said, "there's much to be fixed."

That he had picked one of the older estates presented to him was seen as a sign of his appreciation for tradition. In truth, though, he was buying himself, buying XiaoYanZi, more time. He knew, even if she did not, that settling in his own estate meant that a wife would soon be appointed to him.

She sighed, "You're all leaving me."

"XiaoYanZi...I would stay if I could."

"I know you would."

Whatever he wished to say next was lost in a fit of coughing.

She looked at him in concern as she handed him her handkerchief, "that does not sound good."

"Just some remnant smoke damage. It'll go away soon."

"Are you sure you shouldn't have Hu Tai Yi take a look?"

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."

She frowned at him.

"Really." Besides, he couldn't afford to show any weakness, not at that particular time.

She sighed, "fine. Be stubborn."

"And if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black!"

She just rolled her eyes at him.

---

The empress had even more reasons to be sour when Ling Fei's pregnancy was announced. She took it as a personal affront, particularly after her own miscarriage a few months ago.

"If she should have a son…"

"Niang Niang...consorts have miscarriages all the time."

"You mean…"

Rong Mo Mo just looked grim, "Leave it to me, Niang Niang. There's no need for you to dirty your hands."

The empress nodded. A part of her was uncomfortable with hurting an innocent but...the strong cannot survive without some measure of sacrifice. She couldn't do anything to prevent Yongqi from becoming the first of his brothers to gain the QinWang title, but she was definitely not going to let an unborn child threaten her own son's chances.

A few whispered words here and a few gold coins there was all it took, Rong Mo Mo smiled to herself. It really was too easy. Ling Fei's sweetness might have drawn the emperor to her, but it was also her weakness.

What Rong Mo Mo hadn't counted on, however, was XiaoYanZi.

XiaoYanZi had meant to visit with 7-Ge-Ge, to present the child with her very own jianzi. But her eyes caught sight of a suspicious looking eunuch passing a parcel to one of the maids. The maid looked about nervously. XiaoYanZi would have marched right up to the maid to confront her, but 7-Ge-Ge's demand for a lesson distracted her.

Later, when she sat with Ling Fei, chatting about nothing in particular, she saw the same maid approach with a bowl.

"Your medicine, Niang Niang."

"Oh, thank you."

"Wait!" XiaoYanZi snatched the bowl from Ling Fei's hands. She looked at the maid suspiciously, "what did you add to it?"

"Nothing," the maid said quickly.

"XiaoYanZi...what…"

"I saw you," XiaoYanZi stared threateningly down at the kneeling maid, "I saw that eunuch passing you that package. What was in it?"

"Nothing…" the maid maintained, but her voice shook.

"Nothing...so if I asked for a silver needle, this medicine would test clean?"

"XiaoYanZi…you can't just accuse someone of my household…"

"Niang Niang. I saw her," XiaoYanZi insisted, "you must believe me."

"I…"

Just then, the empress arrived.

"What are you doing?" the empress asked after the proper greetings had been given. "XiaoYanZi, that medicine is meant to help stabilize a pregnancy. Surely you know that. What, you're so gluttonous that you'd wish to try it as well? Or could it be that you have use of it too?"

"HuangHou!" LingFei protested, scandalized at what the empress was insinuating.

XiaoYanZi looked between the two of them and felt trapped. She looked down at the dark liquid in the bowl. She didn't know what was in it, but...before she could think better of it, she swallowed it all down in one gulp.

"XiaoYanZi!"

XiaoYanZi stared defiantly at the empress, she wasn't going to let her hurt Ling Fei's child.

The empress looked shocked, but when nothing happened for a few deathly quiet moments, she just sneered, "you really are a mannerless child. Rong Mo Mo, let us leave this filth behind."

"XiaoYanZi, why did you do that?" LingFei frowned when the empress left.

"Niang Niang…" a sharp pain in her stomach made her double over.

"XiaoYanZi!" LingFei's voice gained an element of panic, "someone, summon a taiyi! Now!"

XiaoYanZi curled up into a miserable ball, oh it hurt…

"Hold on, XiaoYanZi, hold on…"

When she woke, everything felt heavy, but that pain was thankfully gone.

"XiaoYanZi…"

"ZiWei? What are you doing here? Where am I?"

"XiaoYanZi…you're back in Shu Fang Zhai."

Why did ZiWei look so sad?

"JinSuo, go fetch Hu Tai Yi."

"ZiWei?"

"You've been ill. Let Hu taiyi examine your pulse."

"Ge Ge's pulse is steady," was the taiyi's verdict.

ZiWei looked relieved, "Thank you, Hu Tai Yi."

The royal physician nodded but then hesitated. When ZiWei shook her head, he withdrew.

"I'm sleepy…" XiaoYanZi murmured.

"Then sleep."

"Hmmm…"

ZiWei watched her peaceful visage and wiped away a tear. LingFei's child had been saved, but...at such a cost.

She tucked the comforter around XiaoYanZi and murmured a few words to JinSuo who nodded and took the seat next to the bed. They would take turns guarding XiaoYanZi.

"How is she?"

ZiWei faced her brother, "she woke briefly and seemed coherent."

"Did you tell her?"

ZiWei shook her head, "she fell asleep again."

"Huang Ah Ma has launched an investigation."

"That's good."

"Nothing will come of it," Yongqi sad miserably, "maybe the maid will be punished, maybe even expelled, but...Huang Hou Niang Niang will maintain her innocence. And without evidence, even Huang Ah Ma can't convict someone without evidence."

"But…" ZiWei looked horrified.

"It's the way of things."

ErKang drew his arm around his wife, "ZiWei…"

"I refuse to believe it." ZiWei insisted, "what XiaoYanZi has lost…"

Caught in their own conversation, none of them was aware of another pair of ears listening in and a small figure tiptoe out of Shu Fang Zhai.

---

Huang Hou Niang Niang did maintain her innocence. The maid, after watching Huan Zhu Ge Ge collapse, had elected to take her own life rather than be interrogated. At least, that's how it was made to look. Rong Mo Mo reassured the empress that nothing could be traced back to them. It looked bad that they had been at the scene, yes, but that could have just been coincidence.

And so, when the emperor came to her palace, the empress was able to maintain a semblance of calm.

"Zhen is giving you one last chance, Huang Hou, to tell the truth."

"Chengqie already told the truth."

"Zhen wants you to swear it."

"Chengqie swears on her life that…"

"No. Swear on Yongji's life."

The empress fell silent.

"What's wrong?" the emperor asked, "zhen thought you were innocent."

"HuangShang, Huang Hou Niang Niang has always doted on 12-Ah-Ge, to ask her to swear on his life...Huang Hou Niang Niang is innocent, but any mother would take the life of their child seriously."

The emperor stared at Rong Mo Mo. "Even if Huang Hou is innocent, you most certainly are not. Don't think zhen doesn't know how three years ago you forced a maid to jump in the well and then two years ago, you forced another one to hang herself! Yes...Huang Hou has doted on 12-Ah-Ge. The child fortunately has had better role models!"

"Huang Hou, one last time, will you swear or not?"

"Chengqie…"

"Maybe if Yongji stood in front of you, you'd feel more ready."

"Huang Ah Ma," Yongji bowed to his father before turning to look at his mother.

The emperor laid an arm on his son's shoulder, "Unlike you, your son is of an honest nature."

"Yongji…" the empress gasped, "whatever you've seen or heard, it's not what you think…"

"Huang E Niang," Yongji's voice was so cold, "you wanted me to grow up and mature. And I have. I have learned that as an adult, I need to make my own decisions, guided by what I think is right. And...the way XiaoYanZi jiejie was hurt, she was doing what was right. I am only sorry that I did not reveal your plot sooner so that XiaoYanZi jiejie would not be hurt as she has been."

"XiaoYanZi jiejie...XiaoYanZi jiejie. Do you truly hold your XiaoYanZi jiejie higher in your esteem than you own mother?"

Yongji looked sad, "Huang E Niang...Yongji has only sought to be filial, but Huang E Niang has only ever wished for one thing for me. Huang E Niang never thought to ask if it was something I wanted. Instead, in Huang E Niang's eyes, Yongji was never good enough. XiaoYanZi jiejie...she never demanded that I be anything other than who I am."

The empress laughed, but it was a cold laugh, devoid of anything resembling joy. To think, after trying so hard, wanting so much...she only gained her son's censure.

"What do you have to say now, Huang Hou?"

The empress just looked at him, the man she thought she loved. But it seemed that she understood very little about love.

"Huang Shang!" Rong Mo Mo knelt onto her knees, "Niang Niang is innocent. It was all me. Niang Niang has no knowledge of any of it."

"No…" her voice was soft and, as she looked at the stranger that was her son and then the stranger that was her husband, she felt utterly defeated, "no...it was me."

"Niang Niang!"

She squared her shoulders, holding her head high, every inch the empress that she should have been, "Chengqie awaits Huang Shang's punishment."

He didn't strip her of her title as she had expected. No, he was far more cruel in removing essentially everything but that empty moniker. Rong Mo Mo was also punished, her cries echoing loudly in the courtyard with every beat of the wooden plank. She was allowed to stay where she was, though the number of servants was vastly reduced. She glanced around at her surroundings...it was so very empty and so very cold. But then, it had never really been warm, had it? She could not miss what had never been there.

"Yongji," the emperor turned to his son, "zhen has arranged for you to have your own palace, as befitting your new title of beile."

Yongji nodded, understanding the gesture for what it was. "er cheng thanks Huang Ah Ma."

The emperor patted his son's shoulder one more time before departing.

Yongji stood outside his mother's palace and looked back for a long moment. He really had left childhood behind. But, he turned to face forward again, he had good role models to follow. He would not lose his way.

---

XiaoYanZi woke and the first thing in her mind was that she was hungry, famished even. She flung aside the bedspread and made to stand, only to cling to the bed frame as her vision became spotty.

"XiaoYanZi! What are you doing?" ZiWei set aside the tray with the medicine and rushed to help steady her sister.

XiaoYanZi let ZiWei help her sit down, "I just wanted something to eat."

"I'll send someone to fetch something for you. In the meantime, please be careful. You've been in that bed for three days, it'll take you some time to get back onto your feet again."

"Three days?!"

ZiWei nodded. Three very long, very dark days.

"No wonder I'm so hungry,"

ZiWei couldn't help but laugh as she called for a maid, "alright, alright! I get it, food. In the meantime, do take your medicine?"

XiaoYanZi made a face at the bitterness of the fluid, "I'll be happy if I never see another bowl of medicine again."

Still, under ZiWei's watch, she drank every drop.

She gave a cheer when the servants brought in some of her favorite foods.

Between bites, she thought to ask, "Ling Fei Niang Niang…"

"Is well."

"Good." She attacked her food with new vigor.

"Wait...is that a tang hu lu?"

JinSuo nodded as she handed over the stick of sweetened berries, "Liu Hong says it's always been your favorite."

"You went to see Liu Hong?"

"I have more freedom to move about now that xiaojie has married," JinSuo explained, "so Liu Qing and Liu Hong have been receiving regular updates about you."

"They are true friends." ZiWei noted.

After the dishes had been cleared, XiaoYanZi tried to stand again.

"Wait, let me help."

"I hate being an invalid." XiaoYanZi muttered.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Just into the courtyard, out into the sunshine."

"Hang on…"

"I don't need a cloak," XiaoYanZi complained.

"It's not summer anymore," ZiWei said firmly, "if you want to go outside, you can either let me dress you properly or wear the cloak."

XiaoYanZi grumbled but let her tie the cloak.

Her steps were slow at first, but the food she had eaten definitely helped and she felt almost like herself when they stepped over the threshold into the courtyard.

"What is that?" She pointed at the red wooden structure.

"A swing, Yongqi had it built."

"But why?"

"He said it's the closest you'll get to flying for a little while."

"Huh."

"He'll be glad to hear that you're awake now."

"He must have been so worried…"

ZiWei nodded.

"Well, fair's fair, now he knows how I felt when he ran to rescue Huang Ah Ma."

ZiWei felt her lips twitch in amusement. She had thought that being in love might change XiaoYanZi somehow. She should have known that XiaoYanZi would take it in stride as she has most other things.

XiaoYanZi sat down on the ledge of the porch and reached out to touch a blossom in one of the many pots that were scattered around Shu Fang Zhai, "what a beautiful day."

"Yongqi had the chrysanthemums brought in too. He thought you might like them. He said they reminded him of you because of their sunny color."

"He's very thoughtful…" XiaoYanZi said quietly. "Where is he?"

"Huang Ah Ma sent him to escort Lao Fo Ye back to the palace." ZiWei kept her opinions about the timing of said trip to herself.

"Oh." XiaoYanZi could admit to herself that she missed him. She examined the flowers a few moments more but then physically shook herself, "ZiWei, tell me Huang Hou was punished for trying to hurt Ling Fei."

ZiWei nodded and described what had happened while XiaoYanZi still slept.

"Yongji really did that? For me?"

ZiWei nodded, "you've made quite the impression."

"Huh."

"What is it?"

"As glad as I am that HuangHou got her just desserts...I didn't mean to split apart a mother and child."

"He's better off without her."

"ZiWei!" XiaoYanZi was shocked at her sworn sister's vehemence. She was usually so unnaturally forgiving.

ZiWei sighed and turned to hold XiaoYanZi's hand. Her eyes seemed so very sad again, "there's something else I have to tell you."

ZiWei wished she didn't have to, wished that XiaoYanZi never had to know...but...people will talk and XiaoYanZi needed to hear it from someone who cared for her.

"That poison you drank on Ling Fei Niang Niang's behalf...it was meant to cause her to lose her child."

"I figured as much."

"But it is also harmful to someone who is not with child."

"I suppose that's why I've slept for three days."

"Yes…"

"But I'll recover, HuTaiYi himself said so."

ZiWei took a deep breath, there really was no gentle way to impart her knowledge. "Yes, you'll recover your full strength…but...there is a chance that...that you may never be able to have children of your own."

"Oh."

"How big of a chance?" XiaoYanZi asked after a moment.

ZiWei shook her head, "Hu Tai Yi didn't know. It may not be permanent."

"Oh."

"XiaoYanZi?"

"I...I never thought I'd get married, let alone have children."

She was silent, "and now...I definitely won't be getting married, will I? No one wants a barren wife."

"XiaoYanZi…" ZiWei squeezed her hand.

"Oh you know I don't hold with the belief that women are only good for having babies, it's ridiculous nonesense...but…people will talk, won't they?"

How much ZiWei had hoped XiaoYanZi would be ignorant of the implications.

Her thoughts must have shown in her expression, for XiaoYanZi said grimly, "even I can't remain completely oblivious all the time. It's a slap in the face to Huang Ah Ma...the shame of a princess who can't be married off…"

"I hate her." She said after another moment of silence.

ZiWei didn't have to ask to know to whom XiaoYanZi referred. Nor did she reprimand XiaoYanZi for stating what she also felt.

"I already asked Huang Ah Ma," she said softly instead, "and he agreed that a change of scenery will be good for you. So, if you're willing, you can come home with me for a little while."

When XiaoYanZi remained silent, ZiWei tried to smile, "Xue Shi Fu is still a manor house, but you'll have much more freedom to move about. Just think, you'll be able to see Liu Qing and Liu Hong again. And see Hui Bing Lou...oh they've done so well with the place. And Xiao Hu and Bao Ya Tao and all the other children from Da Za Yuan...how they've all grown! And they'll be so happy to see their XiaoYanZi jiejie! They're convinced that you've gone and become a pheonix!"

XiaoYanZi nodded, "that does sound like fun."

ZiWei's smile became more genuine, "so you'll come?"

"Of course!"

"It'll be just like old times…"

XiaoYanZi, knowing that her sworn sister was only trying to help, let her chatter. And the prospect of leaving the palace was rather attractive. But...something gnawed at her...she ignored it as well as she could in ZiWei's company and mostly succeeded. The next few days were too busy anyways, what with a seemingly endless stream of visitors who wished to ensure her wellness and decisions about what to pack for her temporary relocation to XueShiFu.

XiaoYanZi felt touched at the small tokens the various children within the palace had given her. Truthfully, she hadn't realized the impact she had made on her siblings until then.

Of course, not everybody was so kind. She had even overheard one of the consorts say that she should be should be sent to a nunnery. She might have laughed, as it was something she had once upon a time said herself, but found that she couldn't help but be hurt as well.

One day, while sitting in the swing, she spied Yongji hovering around the open entryway. He seemed to hesitate before turning to leave again.

"Wait! Yongji, come in."

He looked up, startled, but when she just smiled at him, did as she bid.

"XiaoYanZi jiejie…"

"What were you doing loitering out there? Come to think of it, you weren't at the puppet show this week either. Just because you've got your own estate now is no reason not to take breaks. You know it's going to be the last one for a little while."

"Jiejie...I didn't know...didn't know if I'd be welcomed."

"Good heavens, why wouldn't you have been?"

"Huang E Niang…she…"

"What she did has no reflection on you."

"I wish...I wish more people agreed with jiejie."

"Have people been unkind?"

"Not...not exactly." No matter what, he was still a son of the emperor. Even so, he heard the whispers about his lack of fealty and the speculations that he had ulterior motives.

"Well, people are stupid."

Shocked, he looked up at her.

"You shouldn't care what stupid people say."

Looking at his doubtful expression, XiaoYanZi had a sudden epiphany.

"Whose opinion matters to you most?"

"Huang Ah Ma's." Yongji replied immediately.

"And has he cast any blame?"

"No…"

"Well there you go."

"But…"

"But nothing." XiaoYanZi smiled a little as she leaned in conspiringly, "I'm going to tell you a secret. There is someone whose opinion should matter to you more than even Huang Ah Ma."

Yongji furrowed his brows, no one was more important than the emperor.

XiaoYanZi nodded sagely, "can you guess who?"

He shook his head.

She grinned again, "come with me."

She led the child to one of the vats meant to catch rainwater. "Look In there, what do you see?"

"My reflection."

"Exactly." She smiled at him, "as long as you can look at your reflection straight in the eye and not feel ashamed, then hang everybody else's opinions."

Yongji smiled back, "thank you, XiaoYanZi jiejie."

"No, it is I who must thank you."

Yongji assumed her gratitude was for his part in his mother's downfall and simply nodded.

---

ZiWei was glad to see XiaoYanZi recover her spirit as the carriage rolled away from the palace.

"When are we going to see Liu Qing and Liu Hong?" XiaoYanZi fairly bounced in her seat.

"As soon as you've greeted Fu Da Ren and FuJin."

"That is the polite thing to do, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"You're sure ErKang doesn't mind having me visit?"

"Why would ErKang mind?"

"He does seem so very possessive of you."

"XiaoYanZi!"

XiaoYanZi just laughed at her blush.

"You must be feeling better, to be teasing me like this."

"Oh I do! Loads better! I was even able to complete a whole sword dancing set yesterday! And teach 7-Ge-Ge some new tricks with the jianzi."

"And help 12-AhGe plan a prank on Tian Gong Gong."

"You can't prove that."

"Uh huh."

"It didn't hurt him, just embarrassed him. Besides, Tian Gong Gong had no right to be so nasty to Yongji."

"You're a bad influence," nonetheless, ZiWei smiled.

"I'm just ensuring that Yongji doesn't turn into a bore like his brothers."

"Even Yongqi?"

"Yongqi's different." XiaoYanZi looked at ZiWei, "now who's teasing?"

So saying she made to tickle her sister.

And so it was two ladies brimming with laughter who arrived at XueShiFu.

Fu Da Fen and Fujin were quickly informed by XiaoYanZi that they did not have to stand on ceremony. Indeed, XiaoYanZi even insisted that they call her by name instead of title.

"Think of me just as a visiting relative, which really is what I am. And I will do my best to be a good guest and not cause too much disruption."

"It wouldn't be possible to have no disruptions," ErKang commented dryly.

XiaoYanZi just grinned, "You know, technically, you're my meifu."

When he just lifted an eyebrow at her, she hid behind ZiWei, "your husband's glaring at me again."

ZiWei just shook her head, "behave, both of you."

Fu Da Ren and FuJin looked at each other, slightly bewildered at the interplay.

"Come on, let me show you to your rooms."

Bidding her in-law's a good day, ZiWei led XiaoYanZi further into the estate.

ErKang looked at their departing forms before sighing, "and there goes any measure of peace."

"ErKang, Huan Zhu Ge Ge is our guest." FuJin reprimanded.

"Oh I know, E Niang, and I truly don't mind her...she's like an annoying younger sister. As fond as I am of her, it's still easy to be exasperated. She treats me as an older brother too, so she won't take offense at my comments."

"It's strange to think" FuLun commented, "that this might have become her home too."

"Hmmm...not really."

"Oh?"

ErKang just shook his head, "I'd better go prepare the other carriage. XiaoYanZi will surely wish to visit HuiBingLou today."

FuJin turned to her husband, "why do I feel as though they're not telling us something?"

FuLun sighed, "we've ever trusted ErKang to do the right thing and he has yet to fail us."

"Yes...I am so very fond of ZiWei. I'm so glad she is now our daughter-in-law."

"Yes, I am as well, but, fu ren, as you know, Lao Fo Ye is to return soon."

FuJin nodded.

"I hope ErKang is prepared for that."

"I will speak with him," FuJin said, "our son may be clever, but he is still just a man and will fail to consider certain things."

ErKang, when his mother brought up the topic, protested that it was unnecessary. He felt nothing for Qing-er beyond friendship.

"But ZiWei still has a right to know. Or would you rather she heard about it from someone else?"

"ZiWei is too sensible to think…"

FuJin sighed, "oh my son...ZiWei loves you dearly. As your mother, I am glad of it. But as a woman, I must warn you that even ZiWei may not act in the most logical fashion if she feels that her love has been betrayed."

"But nothing happened!"

FuJin just looked at him.

"It meant nothing."

"To you, maybe. But it meant enough to Lao Fo Ye for her to speak with your Ah Ma and me when it happened."

When ErKang looked stubborn, she added, "you yourself wasn't so calm when ZiWei went to He Qin Wang Fu."

"That was different…"

FuJin sighed again, "you and ZiWei are both dear to me, I would hate so for a misunderstanding to cause unnecessary grief."

ErKang meant to ignore her mother's well intentioned advice. But, when he saw XiaoYanZi returning from Hui Bing Lou with a basket of grapes and overheard the conversation between the two sisters, he changed his mind.

"Where did you get so many grapes?" ZiWei asked curiously.

"LiuQing says a foreign guest had used them to pay for part of his room and board. He figured you and JinSuo might like a sample."

"That's very kind of him."

"He wasn't going to give me so much, but I told him it was my payment for helping them drum up business."

ZiWei smiled at XiaoYanZi's self satisfied expression as she grabbed a bunch and ate the grapes with relish.

"I'm surprised the basket survived the trip back."

XiaoYanZi just rolled her eyes before saying, "oh! I almost forgot!"

She pulled out a small flask, "there's a sample of grape wine as well, " she harrumphed as she added, "LiuQing was much more stingy with the wine than the grapes."

"Why don't you wait until supper so everyone can partake?"

XiaoYanZi nodded eagerly, "I did mean to thank Fu Da Ren and FuJin for hosting me."

The sisters then went on to chatter about other things, but ErKang decided he had heard enough.

It wasn't logical to feel jealous still, not when ZiWei was very much his wife now. And he had come to respect the Liu siblings. But...if he could be so unreasonable when it came to ZiWei, perhaps…

The grape wine was much appreciated. Towards the end, however, XiaoYanZi began to show signs of not feeling well. She admitted to ZiWei, who helped her back to her room, she might have eaten too many grapes.

ZiWei just smilingly shook her head, "that'll teach you to be greedy."

"But they were soooo delicious."

ZiWei laughed, "rest well, XiaoYanZi."

When ZiWei returned to the rooms she shared with her husband, she found him in his private study completing a report.

She approached and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

He glanced up and smiled at her, "What was that for?"

"For your kindness these weeks towards XiaoYanZi."

He pulled her into his lap, "anything for you."

She leaned her head on his shoulder, "still, I know you prefer a quieter, more organized life."

"XiaoYanZi is not as chaotic as she used to be...besides, I've just been thinking of it as practice for when we have children of our own."

"ErKang…" she flushed but let him kiss her forehead.

"I should not disrupt your work," she murmured after a moment.

His arms tightened about her, "you're not disrupting anything."

"You're certain?"

He nodded, "in fact, I'm glad you're here. I meant to show you something."

She sat up straighter as he removed two books from a hidden drawer of his desk.

"What are those?"

His cheeks burned a little, but he was determined to reveal everything to her, "you had said that you would rather I be honest, even regarding topics that are more...sensitive. These books...before we wed, I learned from them. After we married...they have served as inspiration."

She picked one up curiously and opened a page, only to drop it with a gasp. She hadn't expected such explicit illustrations. "How…"

He cleared his throat, "they are not spoken of openly, but...they are not difficult to obtain if one knows where to go…"

"And you knew where to go?"

He was surprised to see only curiosity but no judgement in her gaze, "I...there is a market for discrete ways to obtain them for noblemen who do not wish to be open about such things."

"Oh." She smoothed the cover of one of the books thoughtfully, "why are you telling me?"

"I...I want to be as honest with you as possible. I want there to be no secrets between us. I wanted you to know that...that I've only ever read about such things...that, that before you, I have never touched another woman."

"Oh." If she was to be honest, ZiWei would admit that she had wondered. The way he touched her, the things he requested of her, he always seemed so certain of himself. And there was a part of her that felt angry that he might have learned with someone else, even if it was a courtesan. But she also told herself that what he did before their marriage should not concern her. She had no claims on him until they met. And now…

"Put them away."

"ZiWei?" For once, he couldn't read her.

She picked up the books and put them back in the drawer for him. Then, she turned and pressed her lips against his. She was all his and, with what he has said, he was all hers.

He groaned at the contact, but he wasn't done.

"ZiWei...Wait…" it took so much self control for him to ask her to pause.

"What is it?"

He took a deep breath and steeled himself to complete his confession, "before you, Huang Ah Ma had intended to betrothe six-Ge-Ge to me. But, she passed from illness and the matter wasn't spoken of for a long time. Not until...until two years before we met...I went to deliver some goods to LaoFoYe in the mountains and was trapped by an unexpected snow storm. Qing-Ge-Ge and I...we spent the night looking at the snow and moonlight and...afterwards, LaoFoYe spoke with Ah Ma and E Niang and told them that she wanted to wait a few years, until Qing-er was older, before issuing an edict for marriage."

"And then?"

"What do you mean?"

"How long did Lao Fo Ye intend to wait?"

"I...I don't know."

"But you knew that she would follow through, eventually."

"ZiWei...I didn't spare it much thought beyond...it was always going to be another duty that I was meant to fulfill."

"And Qing-Ge-Ge?"

"What about Qing-Er?"

ZiWei tried not to wince at the casualness with which he used Qing-Ge-Ge's name. "Did she expect to become your bride?"

"I don't know. She's been away this whole time and, after that night, we have not had another opportunity to speak to each other."

"Oh."

Her silence was starting to worry him, "ZiWei?"

"And now she's set to return."

"Yes."

"And will see me as an interloper who stole what was meant to be hers."

"What?! No! ZiWei, no!"

"From her perspective, isn't that how it looks?" She hopped down from his lap.

"I was never hers." He also stood and willed her to understand, "ZiWei, I swear to you, I have never considered Qing-er as anything other than a friend. To me, she is, is...is like LiuQing is to you…But from the moment I saw you, I have been yours, just yours. Believe me."

"I…"

He held her hands, "Please…"

ZiWei looked up at him, "ErKang...I believe you, I do. But...ErKang, for you, that night meant nothing, but for her...oh ErKang, do you not see the expectations you raised?"

"Nothing happened."

ZiWei sighed, "the very fact that you were alone with her…"

"We weren't alone, her maid was with us the entire time."

"Be that as it may...people have been forced to marry for less."

"ZiWei…"

She sighed again. "And just because we are married does not mean that Lao Fo Ye cannot complete what she intended those years ago."

"I'll refuse. ZiWei...I don't want Qing-er or anyone else. I just want, I just need you."

"Oh ErKang." She grasped his face tenderly in her hands, she smiled sadly, "I have been foolish to think that I could have you to myself forever. That we have been allotted so much time already, just the two of us..."

"No, ZiWei. I swear to you. In this lifetime, for me, there is just you."

"ErKang…" she felt the tears come despite herself, "just hold me, please."

He wrapped her in his arms and held on tight. "ZiWei…"

"Shh…" she pressed her lips to his, "don't talk."

There was a desperation in the way she kissed him.

"ZiWei…"

"Don't talk," she whispered again, "just...let us enjoy each other."

There was so much he still wanted to say, but at the look in her eyes...he would give her what she asked for. He cleared his desk, heedless of where the objects fell, and set her upon it. He kissed her and pulled at her clothing, trying to show her through his actions just how much she meant to him. He knelt, his own shirt half-unbuttoned, and pressed his lips to her wetness.

"ErKang…"

Encouraged at her moans, he continued his actions.

"Is this from one of your books?" she managed to gasp.

He paused as he glanced up at her and nodded, "Do you mind?"

She shook her head.

"Good." He dipped his head to her core again.

"ErKang…" ZiWei, her legs hooked over his shoulders, had never felt so disinhibited, "I need you."

"As my lady wife commands." He picked her up and moved to their bed.

He made love to her slowly, making sure that she could feel all of him with each thrust. He didn't speak, as she had requested. As he watched her come apart beneath him, as he heard her moan as she reached her zenith, he made a silent promise. He didn't know how, but he would make sure that she would always be his one and only.

They didn't speak of the matter again. She was more affectionate than usual in the days leading up to the dowager empress's scheduled return, but he was also more possessive. It felt like, somehow, that they were running out of time.

Even XiaoYanZi noticed it.

"ZiWei...if you'd rather I returned to Shu Fang Zhai…"

"What? Have we made you feel unwelcome?"

"Oh no! It's just…you and ErKang deserve your time together as well...you haven't been married very long…"

ZiWei shook her head, "I am sorry, though, if we have made you feel like an intruder."

"Well…" XiaoYanZi sighed and turned unexpectedly serious, "ZiWei, I miss him."

ZiWei blinked at the abrupt change.

"I…" XiaoYanZi threw a pebble into the lake beneath the pagoda and watched as the startled fish scattered. "I thought...thought it would go away...but it hasn't."

"XiaoYanZi…he'll be back soon." As much as she dreaded Lao Fo Ye's return, ZiWei could sympathize.

"How do I make it go away?"

"I don't think you can. Emotions and feelings, they are by nature unpredictable and uncontrollable."

XiaoYanZi sighed again, "seeing you and ErKang together…I can't ignore it as easily."

"XiaoYanZi…"

"I know you can't help it." XiaoYanZi threw another pebble, "I just…"

"He'll be back soon," ZiWei said again, unused to seeing her friend in such a melancholy mood.

"But then what?"

XiaoYanZi dropped all her pebbles into the lake and declared firmly, "I think I'll go to Hui Bing Lou today."

"I'll come with you," ZiWei offered.

XiaoYanZi, though, shook her head, "I know FuJin had hoped you'd go with her to visit Ling Fei Niang Niang."

"You could come with us. You can see how well 7-Ge-Ge is getting on with her jianzi."

XiaoYanZi shook her head again, "I need to be somewhere that does not contain any reminders of him."

ZiWei wished so very much that she could help. Softly, she began to sing the song that she had written when she had thought that ErKang and she were doomed to pass by each other.

XiaoYanZi was quiet as she listened to the lyrics.

"Thank you, ZiWei."

ZiWei pressed her hand gently, "give my regards to Liu Qing and Liu Hong."

XiaoYanZi found that even at HuiBingLou, she could not escape all thoughts of Yongqi. As she performed her sword dance routine, she couldn't help but recall moments when he would correct her form or give her encouragement. The cheers of the crowd as she completed her set seemed far away. She smiled perfunctorily and waved them towards Hui Bing Lou's open doors in a gesture that had become familiar to her over the last month.

"Gu niang is very skilled with the blade."

Startled, she turned towards a young man who, by the looks of his clothing, was a traveler.

"I wondered if I might learn gu niang's name?"

"XiaoYanZi."

"How aptly named, gu niang's movements were certainly graceful like the flights of swallow birds. And gu niang's surname?"

"Xia."

"Ah, summer's yanzi, how poetic."

"And who are you?" She asked curiously, eyeing the hilt of the sword that peeked out behind his shoulder.

"Xiaojian."

"Then you must know how to use your sword very well."

"Would Xia gu niang like to see and judge for herself?"

XiaoYanZi nodded eagerly.

Smiling, he pulled out his sword and gave a demonstration.

XiaoYanZi clapped in delight, "you really are talented, will you teach me?"

"I fear these techniques are meant to be taught only to those of my family."

"Oh," she was disappointed.

"But if gu niang is truly interested, I may be able to make an exception."

She perked up but then shook her head, "no, tradition is important, I would not like you to betray your ancestors."

"My ancestors will forgive me, I think, particularly as there is danger that these techniques will become lost forever."

"What do you mean?"

"I am the last surviving member of our family name."

"You're an orphan too?"

"Does gu niang also lack family?"

"Not exactly," XiaoYanZi replied, "I'm fortunate enough to have been adopted into a large family. My adoptive father has been very generous and my adoptive sister has been like a true sister."

"That is good to hear."

She smiled a little. Yes, she had been very fortunate. "What brings you to Beijing?"

"Family actually. I come in search of my sister. We were parted when we were very young."

"Oh, maybe I can help. I've lived in this city as long as I can remember."

"I would hate to trouble you…"

"No trouble at all," XiaoYanZi grinned broadly, glad to have something to do, "if you haven't found a place to stay yet, then I suggest you look at Hui Bing Lou. I might even be able to get you a discount."

"Oh? Does gu niang know the owners?"

She nodded, "oh yes! Before my adoption, Liu Qing and Liu Hong raised me. Indeed, they rescued me after I ran away from a bad master."

"Gu niang must be someone with a lot of stories."

XiaoYanZi laughed again. He couldn't know that his words were a vast understatement. "And you look to be someone with stories as well. If you stay at Hui Bing Lou, we may be able to exchange our tales."

XiaoJian laughed at her obvious pitch for business, "then gu niang must lead the way to my temporary home."

---

ZiWei noticed that XiaoYanZi seemed a lot more like her normal self that evening.

"Did you have a good visit?"

XiaoYanZi nodded enthusiastically, "I might have gained a new shifu."

"Really?"

XiaoYanZi told her about her meeting with XiaoJian, "he can't teach me moves from his family's secret repertoire, but he has gained enough skills in his travels that he can still teach me other ones."

ZiWei was glad for the improvement in XiaoYanZi's spirits, but still felt obliged to remind her, "he sounds like a fascinating individual, but you must still be careful. You're not just XiaoYanZi, you know."

"Of course I know that! But, if you heard his poem, ZiWei, you'd agree that he must come from an educated background too."

"Oh?"

XiaoYanZi repeated what she remembered of XiaoJian's words. "I haven't heard him play the xiao yet, but I trust he will be equally as impressive with the instrument."

"He does sound like he belongs in a story book, no wonder you're fascinated."

"Oh! I hadn't even thought of it that way!" XiaoYanZi's eyes sparkled, "do you think, ZiWei, that he might have some deep, dark secret and has really come to BeiJing to avenge the deaths of his parents?"

ZiWei laughed, "You're letting your imagination run away with you."

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "it would be fitting, though, wouldn't it?"

ZiWei agreed but also said, "it might be a good idea for ErKang to meet him."

"You are overly cautious, ZiWei."

"ErKang has always been a good judge of character, his instincts are not often wrong," ZiWei insisted.

"I can protect myself."

"I'm sure you can," ZiWei responded smoothly, "but ErKang is protective of those for whom he cares."

"I thought he just tolerated me for your sake."

"In the beginning, perhaps, but he has truly come to think of you as an unruly younger sibling. It's your special power, this ability to warm your way into most people's affection."

"Or raise their ire." XiaoYanZi observed, thinking on the empress.

"XiaoYanZi…"

XiaoYanZi shook her head, "XiaoJian says he means to look for the monastery where his sister had been left."

"I hope he doesn't expect you to accompany him, Lao Fo Ye is set to arrive the day after tomorrow."

"I thought she wasn't to arrive for another week?"

"Someone must be driven by ulterior motives to ensure anefficient journey."

"ZiWei…"

"You cannot deny that you are eager to see him."

When XiaoYanZi stayed quiet, ZiWei added, "his estate is ready now as well...with you at XueShiFu, at least you'll have an easier time visiting."

"Could I not go back?"

"What do you mean?"

"I...I know it's too much to ask to encroach on your hospitality, but...I...well, I could always move to Hui Bing Lou too I suppose."

"Huang Ah Ma would never allow it."

"No...I suppose not."

"It won't be so lonely, Qing-Ge-Ge is about our age. I have heard only positive comments about her. With Lao Fo Ye's return, you may gain a new friend."

"Who is Qing-Ge-Ge?" XiaoYanZi perked up at ZiWei's words.

"She is our cousin on paper. Huang Ah Ma's niece and Lao Fo Ye's ward after the death of her parents."

"Oh. An orphan, like me."

ZiWei nodded, her voice a little quieter as she added, "and an intelligent, graceful young lady."

"Then she might not like me very much."

ZiWei chuckled, "I like you well enough."

"You're my sister, of course you have to like me."

ZiWei laughed outright, "Qing-Ge-Ge is technically a sister as well."

"But if Lao Fo Ye raised her, she must be awfully proper."

"What have you heard about Lao Fo Ye that would make you say so?"

XiaoYanZi just shrugged, "I just assumed she would be. I mean, she's Lao Fo Ye...such an unforgivingly stiff title. I'm glad I can hide out here at XueShiFu for a while, I'm sure she wouldn't like me very much."

"But you did save her grandchild…"

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "Ling Fei Niang Niang was the first person to be nice to me."

"I don't just mean that."

At XiaoYanZi's puzzled expression, ZiWei said, "Yongji told me what you said to him. He was never the bravest of the Ah Ge's and with Huang Hou Niang Niang forever demanding him to be the best, his sense of self worth was in severe need of rescue. Your words to him have gone a long way in helping him gain more self confidence."

XiaoYanZi shrugged again, "everyone has their own strengths. The world would be so boring if everybody is the same."

ZiWei smiled. XiaoYanZi was more wise than she gave herself credit. "If you wish to make a favorable first impression, perhaps we ought to review or even rehearse the proper etiquette for the welcome."

"Must we go?"

"Huang Ah Ma will be expecting both of us."

"But I don't want to wear those flower pot shoes again!"

"All the more reason to practice then!"

"Urg."

ZiWei found herself laughing again at the look on XiaoYanZi's face. The tightness in her chest since ErKang had made his confessions loosened a little.

She had made inquiries about Qing-Ge-Ge. She tried not to feel threatened at the answers she gained. The pit in her stomach had become a cold stone at the realization that a match between Qing-Ge-Ge and ErKang would have been perfectly reasonable. She tried not to be jealous, tried not to despise someone she had never met, but each time she kissed ErKang, she felt as though she was staking her claim. He was hers.

She surprised herself at the strength of her possessiveness. She should be calmer, more reasonable, more flexible. But she didn't want to be. For once, she just wanted to be selfish and willful and stamp her foot and just say no.

ZiWei laughed because XiaoYanZi's reaction to the thought of the flower pot shoes was precisely how ZiWei wished she could behave. But if even XiaoYanZi would try to overcome her dislike of rules for a day, surely ZiWei could hold her peace until she actually met Qing-Ge-Ge.

---

Qing-Ge-Ge was beautiful. ZiWei had expected it, had thought she was prepared for it. Looking at the young lady as she helped Lao Fo Ye from her own carriage, however, ZiWei felt a fierce shot of insecurity. The pressure of ErKang's hand on hers brought her back to the present. She tried to tug her hand away, but he held fast. And she was certainly no match for his strength.

She watched as Qing-Ge-Ge's eyes surveyed the crowd, saw her expression gain a genuine smile as her eyes fell upon ErKang. ZiWei felt her heart squeeze tightly. She wondered if what she felt showed in her expressions. But Qing-Ge-Ge seemed only to have eyes for ErKang.

ZiWei felt ErKang take a step closer and the grip of his hand tightened almost to the point of being painful.

Qing-Ge-Ge's smile faltered and then fell when ErKang bent close to ZiWei's ear.

"I am yours and you are mine. We belong only to each other."

ZiWei blushed at his declaration. He had made similar statements many times in the past, but never in so public a setting.

She watched as Qing-Ge-Ge turned towards the emperor to answer an inquiry, a smile back on her face. But ZiWei could tell that this smile was forced.

And in that moment, when she should have felt triumphant, she only felt herself sympathizing with the other Ge Ge. She had never felt more loved, more valued, by her husband. His devotion to her had never shown any sign of wavering. What was one night of moon and snow when he had pledged to her his whole being?

She took a deep breath. He had kept all of his promises, she would continue to trust him. She turned to see his eyes on her and smiled slightly at him. She had no words for how much his actions that day meant to her.

She continued to observe Qing-Ge-Ge throughout the course of the banquet. It was obvious, in the way Lao Fo Ye treated the young lady, that the dowager empress was very fond of the princess. Qing-Ge-Ge herself seemed equally dedicated to her grandmother. The bond between them was surely as strong as the one ZiWei and XiaoYanZi shared with the emperor. And indeed, the emperor called both ZiWei and XiaoYanZi over to meet the dowager empress and Qing-er.

XiaoYanZi meant to be on her best behavior, but seeing Yongqi again, even though she had little chance to speak with him, disrupted her equilibrium more than she cared to admit. And so, she was more herself than perhaps was wise. Still, with ZiWei's temporizing presence, she did not cause any offense. Besides, the emperor was so openly delighted at the recovery of her spirits that even Lao Fo Ye found herself chuckling at XiaoYanZi's tales of amusing scenes from the common people's lives.

"And when will you return to us, XiaoYanZi?"

It was a question XiaoYanZi had been dreading, "Has Huang Ah Ma grown tired of peace and quiet?"

The emperor laughed, "hmmm zhen is certain ErKang would appreciate a return to normalcy before you succeed in turning XueShiFu upside down and inside out."

"I have been a very good guest, tell them, ZiWei."

ZiWei smiled, "XiaoYanZi speaks the truth. I have enjoyed her company these weeks. It would be very little trouble for her to extend her stay even longer."

"Hmmm. And ErKang will tolerate much for your sake."

ZiWei blushed at her father's teasing. Even in her embarrassment, however, she could feel Qing-Ge-Ge's scrutinizing look.

"They are a true pair of mandarin ducks," XiaoYanZi declared.

ZiWei did not miss the look LaoFoYe gave Qing-Ge-Ge nor the slight shake of the head from the princess. Clearing her throat slightly, she made to change the topic, "Lao Fo Ye and Qing-Ge-Ge have surely seen many marvels on their pilgrimage, ZiWei would love to hear about them."

LaoFoYe launched into descriptions of various temples that occupied the remainder of the conversation. XiaoYanZi asked all sorts of questions about details to which LaoFoYe had not paid attention but Qing-Ge-Ge had. And so the conversation seemed to progress more smoothly among the three Ge-Ge's.

Soon enough, the dowager empress, claiming fatigue, excused herself but she insisted that Qing-Ge-Ge stay and socialize. "It's so rare for you to meet young ladies your own age with whom you become so familiar in so short a time."

She turned towards XiaoYanZi with a smile, "my Qing-er is usually much more shy, but you have managed to put her at ease so quickly."

"It's XiaoYanZi's special talent," ZiWei noted, "she can so easily turn strangers into friends."

"Hmmm. Yes." LaoFoYe's gaze on ZiWei was more thoughtful.

Qing-Ge-Ge protested that she was needed to help LaoFoYe retire but the dowager empress just gestured to her son, "HuangDi will keep me company. And La Mei is perfectly capable of helping me prepare for rest. I must learn to do without you, Qing-er, for you cannot stay by my side forever. It would be much too selfish of me."

XiaoYanZi was not one to stand on ceremony and, when the emperor and dowager empress departed, tugged on Qing-er's arm, "come on, they're about to start the fireworks, and I want a good view."

XiaoYanZi was disappointed at the crowd that had gathered around the lake. Others seemed to have had a similar idea.

"The best view is probably from one of the roofs."

XiaoYanZi turned at the sound of his voice and immediately released Qing-er's wrist, "Yongqi."

"I'm back."

ZiWei, seeing Qing-Ge-Ge look between the two of them curiously, coughed and said, "Yes, the three of you can go up easily, what about Qing-Ge-Ge and me?"

"I will of course offer you assistance, as is my duty as your husband."

ZiWei smiled at ErKang whose hand on the small of her back offered a reassuring pressure.

"And I can help Qing-er!" ZiWei's voice had broken the spell as XiaoYanZi turned to the new member of their group, "you don't mind if I call you Qing-er do you? Calling each by title would be so tedious. Besides, I fully expect you to call me XiaoYanZi."

Qing-er, unused to such open manners from anyone in the palace, blinked in surprise.

"Oh no, I think I'd better help both of you. How will we face LaoFoYe if we allowed any injury to occur to her favorite?"

XiaoYanZi stuck out her tongue at Yongqi, "ye of little faith!"

So saying, she flew onto the nearest rooftop.

ZiWei and ErKang exchanged amused looks before ZiWei suddenly found herself in the air as well.

They looked down at the two figures still on the ground.

"Qing-er, if I have your permission…"

"It's so high up…"

"As I recall, you were quite adventurous in our youth."

Qing-er straightened her shoulders, "then what are we waiting for? I would hate so to miss the fireworks."

Still, she covered her eyes until she felt her shoes touch solid footing again. It was indeed a beautiful view. They four others had settled into a row, the two ladies on the inside and the gentlemen flanking them. ErKang had his arm around ZiWei and she was leaning her head on his shoulder. Yongqi was pointing out the small boats on the lake where the fireworks were to be lit to a gleeful XiaoYanZi . There was something so natural, so complete, so right about the image that she suddenly felt like an outsider.

At that moment, XiaoYanZi turned, "come on, Qing-er, join us!"

ZiWei likewise turned and smiled in a welcoming manner.

Qing-er knew LaoFoYe's reasoning for letting her stay later at the celebrations. She wanted Qing-er to get a measure of ZiWei, the better to understand what she would have to do to win ErKang. But, even based on the little she had observed, she already knew it was a lost cause. The way ErKang looked at ZiWei, the way ZiWei looked back at him...Qing-er suddenly felt foolish to think that there was something between her and ErKang at all.

True affection was a rare thing to see within the palace, but Qing-er had not been too young to remember the way her Ah Ma and E Niang had looked at each other. As a child, she had resented her E Niang for loving her Ah Ma more than she loved Qing-er. Otherwise, her E Niang would have stayed with Qing-er instead of letting a length of white cloth hasten the reunion with her Ah Ma. But seeing ErKang and ZiWei together...she understood a little better.

"Oh, I forgot, it's your first time on a roof, isn't it?" XiaoYanZi stood, intending to help Qing-er.

"Oh, I'll be alright." Qing-er put aside her thoughts and carefully made her way next to Yongqi, "it is a most beautiful view."

The whole of the imperial gardens was spread out below them. The lake was an expanse of darkness, rimmed with lights as crowds of servants and masters alike waited for the show. And in the middle of the lake, there were a few twinkling spots of light where the boats that held the fireworks had briefly anchored.

"Oh!" XiaoYanZi clapped in glee as, with a boom, the fireworks started.

The loudness of the sounds prevented easy conversation, but the absolute joy on XiaoYanZi's face required no words.

Qing-er found herself marveling again at the openness of the other princess.

When the last of the fireworks faded, they could see spots of lights begin to disperse throughout the palace grounds.

"We should head home soon," she heard ErKang murmur to ZiWei, who nodded.

"Just a little longer?" XiaoYanZi had turned her gaze to the sky overhead, "the stars have come out."

"They're not as exciting or colorful, but still very pretty." XiaoYanZi added after a moment.

Qing-er also looked up and quoted a line of poetry.

She heard ZiWei's voice answer with the second half of the couplet.

She looked back down to see ZiWei smiling at her again. ZiWei had all rights to smirk or flaunt the attentions ErKang paid her, and most women of Qing-er's acquaintance would have, but ZiWei's smile had no hint of superiority but rather seemed tentatively friendly.

LaoFoYe had been worried that these two Ge Ge's had somehow bewitched the emperor. As a dutiful son, the emperor had revealed all to his mother. So Qing-er was aware of the true identities of the two princesses. Another part of the reason LaoFoYe had asked her to stay was to investigate. But even from the short encounter, Qing-er could tell that the two were as far from conniving as one could get.

And so, Qing-er returned ZiWei's smile and continued their game.

"Oh goodness," she heard XiaoYanZi say finally, "must the two of you go on like that?"

"I thought you wanted to stay longer."

XiaoYanZi rolled her eyes at Yongqi, "to enjoy the stars."

"Which was precisely what they were doing." ErKang noted.

XiaoYanZi sighed, "I had almost forgotten that none of you talk normally."

"What do you mean?" Qing-er, not having been aware she was speaking in anything but normal manner, asked curiously.

"Just that not everyone has the privilege of education or poetry."

"When did such a miracle occur? That you call recognize education as a privilege rather than a burden?"

XiaoYanZi scoffed at Yongqi's word, "I blame all of you for my corruption."

A yawn, however, made her words lose their bite.

"Home and sleep," ZiWei said firmly at XiaoYanZi's sheepish look.

"I hope," Qing-er found herself saying to ZiWei when they returned to the ground, "that you and XiaoYanZi will both visit often...LaoFoYe is right in that I am rarely so at ease with strangers."

"Well, we're certainly not strangers anymore," XiaoYanZi declared, "we'll be happy to visit, as long as LaoFoYe doesn't mind."

"Why would she mind?"

XiaoYanZi grinned as she nudged ZiWei's shoulder with her own, "I've been known to be a bad influence."

ZiWei laughed and Qing-er suddenly found herself jealous for a reason other than ErKang. The two of them shared such genuine friendship and sisterhood...she had never felt her own loneliness so acutely.

"We would be glad to visit," ZiWei's smile was still sweet and gentle and guileless, "ErKang has told me much about you and I have been looking forward to getting to know you better."

A look of understanding passed between them and Qing-er found herself smiling a little as well, "I'll hold you both to your words."

"And we will keep them," ZiWei declared.

Qing-er looked at ErKang and then turned back to nod at ZiWei, "until next time then."

XiaoYanZi looked curiously between Qing-er's departing figure and ZiWei, there was a subtext that she had definitely missed.

The sound of Yongqi's voice saying her name prevented her from asking about the matter. The way he was looking at her…

"We'll meet you at the gate, XiaoYanZi."

She was barely aware when ZiWei and ErKang departed. She felt frozen in place and could only stagger after him when he pulled her beneath the shadows of the fake mountains.

"XiaoYanZi...how I've missed you."

"Yongqi," she gasped before pushing at him, "I can't breath."

His hold on her loosened at once, "I'm sorry! It's just...I've wanted to do that all day."

She gulped in air gratefully, "but did you have to try to kill me?"

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"Urg, I can't stay mad at you."

He smiled a little at her disgruntled expression before a look of concern descended again, "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke. I wanted to be, but Huang Ah Ma…"

XiaoYanZi shook her head, "You have your duties. Besides, I'm fine. I refuse to let that woman think that she got the better of me."

They were mostly hidden in shadows, but he could still make out the stubborn set to her chin. He had been so afraid that her spirit would be broken. He really should have known better than to underestimate her.

"What? Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like...like…" XiaoYanZi hit his arm, "just stop it."

He just continued to smile down at her until she flushed again.

"I'm going to go find ZiWei…"

"Wait!" He couldn't help but reach out and hold her arm.

"It's late," she said, a hint of whine in her voice.

"I know...just...stay with me, a moment longer? I've brought you a present."

She turned to face him fully, "What? Why?"

"I wanted to." He let go of her momentarily and then slipped a bracelet onto her wrist, "I had it especially blessed so that it can bring you good fortune and sound health."

"You didn't have to do that." She said a little helplessly.

"I wanted to," he said again.

She looked up into his eyes, "I…" I missed you, she wanted to say. Instead, the words she uttered were, "I am glad you're back safely."

"And?"

"And thank you for the present."

"And?"

"And what?"

He took a step closer to her, "I just wondered if you've missed me as much as I have missed you."

"I…"

"XiaoYanZi...what I feel...it hasn't gone away."

"No?" why did her voice sound so breathy?

He shook his head, "No."

"Oh."

"And you?"

"I…" she did not like how helpless he made her feel, "I…"

"Has it gone away for you?"

Why couldn't she lie to him? Silently, she shook her head.

"Do you still want it to?"

"I…"

"XiaoYanZi?"

What was this effect he had on her? She silently shook her head again.

"Good."

"Good?"

He nodded, "I will think of a way."

"A way for what?"

"A way to marry you."

"Marry…" she gaped at him, "why would you want to…"

"Because I love you." He knew more flowery ways to express himself but he knew she would appreciate his plain speech.

"You...I'm HuanZhu GeGe." She reminded him.

"Hence I must think of a way."

"I can't bear children."

"I don't care."

"Yongqi…"

"I know it seems hopeless and impossible, but this time away from you, when you've needed me the most, I can't..."

"Yongqi, don't decide so rashly," her lips quirked a little bit at the advice she was giving him, "I am fine. You don't have to prove..."

"I want to."

"I don't want you to."

"What?" He had not thought of her refusal.

XiaoYanZi shook her head helplessly, "I need to go…"

He held onto her arm again, "Please...I need to know, why?"

"Because..." She turned towards him fully, "because you're a QinWang now. You'll be expected to have little Ah Ge's to continue the bloodline. The more the better. And I...I am a selfish creature, I can't...can't share you. Even if we were to marry, Yongqi, I am not what you need."

She could feel her voice cracking and so fell silent and just looked at him.

"XiaoYanZi…you're wrong. You are exactly what I need, you are the very source of my happiness."

She shook her head, she couldn't bear the tenderness in his gaze, "And what of my happiness?"

His grip on her arm loosened, her eyes had never been so expressive. When had she changed? Become so much more aware? He felt again the crushing guilt of not being able to protect her.

"XiaoYanZi…"

"I really am glad that you're back safely." She wanted to say so much more but she didn't know the words. She just knew that she needed to do the right thing.

As he watched her walk away, he could almost laugh at the irony. She called herself selfish, but how selfless she was in that moment. The weight of expectations had never felt so heavy.

---

ZiWei saw at once that XiaoYanZi was not herself. She had been so caught up in her own thoughts about the Qing-er situation that she had not spared more thoughts for XiaoYanZi's quieter moments. But XiaoYanZi feigned sleep during the carriage ride and when they arrived back at XueShiFu, departed quickly to her rooms.

ZiWei made to go after her sworn sister but ErKang's tug on her arm stopped her.

"Something's wrong. I know it."

"XiaoYanZi has grown up these past few weeks. I think we should honor her new maturity and give her some time to sort things through herself."

"But…"

"At least let her rest tonight? It has been an emotional day for all of us."

ZiWei frowned but reluctantly let him pull her towards their own rooms.

She felt her own exhaustion more fully when her head touched her pillow. Still, she needed to tell him, "ErKang. Thank you."

"No," he said, "thank you."

"What have you to thank me for?"

"For being so kind, so generous, and so understanding."

"Qing-Ge-Ge's loneliness is something to which I can relate," ZiWei replied softly, "I was lucky in that I had JinSuo and then XiaoYanZi. But Qing-Ge-Ge...she is in need of a friend."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, marveling again at her goodness.

"Besides, the way you behaved today, you have made your intentions quite clear and have succeeded thoroughly in breaking her heart. And I...I would like to make amends."

"It's no fault of yours. I should have been more cautious."

She snuggled into his embrace, "I am your wife, who better to make amends?"

"She may resent you for it."

"I think not. She is too insightful and clever to misunderstand me."

"You have such faith."

ZiWei just smiled, "I've just learned to listen to my intuition. It led me to XiaoYanZi and, in time, to you, after all."

"It is my mess to clean up." He tried again.

"We are a unit now. I am yours and you are mine, remember?"

"Yes."

She pressed a brief kiss to his lips before letting her eyes close, "It will be well."

XiaoYanZi was not in her room when ZiWei went to look for her. At least, ZiWei sighed as she read the brief note, XiaoYanZi had thought to leave behind some sort of explanation. And maybe, maybe it was good for XiaoYanZi to have a distraction.

When almost a week passed during which XiaoYanZi was early to leave and late to return, however, ZiWei decided that she needed to act.

And so, taking JinSuo along with her, she decided to visit HuiBingLou herself.

"ZiWei!" XiaoYanZi hopped up from her chair to greet her sworn sister with a wide smile.

"Is that a xiao you're holding?"

XiaoYanZi nodded eagerly, "Oh yes, XiaoJian has just started teaching me during breaks of looking for his sister."

"And this must be XiaoJian?" ZiWei turned to look at the young man sitting across the table.

"Oh yes!" XiaoYanZi quickly made the introductions.

"I have heard a lot about you and must thank you," XiaoJian said, "for being such a good sister to XiaoYanZi."

ZiWei tilted her head a little, "We swore before the heavens to be good sisters to each other. Though, I am curious as to your reason for thanks."

"I can only hope that my own sister was as lucky," XiaoJian replied smoothly.

ZiWei was not quite sure she completely believed him but smiled nonetheless, "I have likewise heard much about you. I am glad to make your acquaintance at last."

"Where's Jinsuo?" XiaoYanZi broke in.

"Lending LiuQing assistance with closing accounts. But how did you know JinSuo would be with me?"

XiaoYanZi snorted, "As though ErKang would ever allow you to leave home alone."

"He also worries about your safety."

"Unlike you, I can defend myself."

"Still…"

"I did leave notes."

ZiWei sighed, "So you did."

XiaoJian's laugh startled both of them, "I wonder that XiaoYanZi says you're her meimei. You sound much more like the more responsible elder sister."

"Why does everybody keep saying that?" XiaoYanZi complained.

ZiWei just smiled, "As XiaoYanZi says, I lack any skill at martial arts. She is my jiejie so as to provide me with protection."

"Though with ErKang in your life, I am not very much needed."

"Don't be silly," ZiWei said, "I'll always need my jiejie."

She then turned towards XiaoJian, "Speaking of my husband, perhaps he can lend you assistance in your search for your sister?"

XiaoJian shook his head, "I would hate to trouble him. Besides, I think I have found the place, I just need to return when the abbess is not as busy."

"Oh! Really?" XiaoYanZi, "why didn't you say so sooner?"

"I was going to finish your lesson first."

"Can I come with you?"

"If you'd like."

"Oh yes please."

ZiWei found herself breathing a small sigh of relief at XiaoYanZi's obvious excitement. Whatever had happened between Yongqi and XiaoYanZi, it surely could not be that bad for XiaoYanZi to retain her energetic nature.

"If you don't mind, would I be able to listen in on your lesson?"

"Certainly."

ZiWei took the opportunity to study XiaoJian. He was so very patient with XiaoYanZi. ZiWei did not like to think ill of others, but she wondered if she needed to earn her brother of a possible rival for XiaoYanZi's affections. But then...what would be the point? XiaoYanZi was her own person and was perfectly capable of making her own decisions. Why not let her start anew rather than be stuck in an impossible situation that only promised heartache?

Is it not the very same logic that Qing-er had voiced? ZiWei had taken advantage of XiaoYanZi's absence and gone to visit Qing-er. There were things that needed to be said between just the two of them. She found herself admiring the other GeGe's strength and felt that they could be true friends.

"Will you play a song?" XiaoYanZi asked as the lesson drew towards a close.

"You've heard me play."

"But ZiWei hasn't."

"I would hate to impose," ZiWei said, "but I have been curious."

"Please?"

XiaoJian couldn't find a good reason to refuse.

"XiaoYanZi did not exaggerate," ZiWei commented, "I wish I had my guqin, I would love to play a duet."

"I would be honored."

ZiWei smiled, "we must find an occasion for it."

"But now, more importantly, when do you plan to return to the monastery?"

XiaoJian laughed at her enthusiasm, "how does tomorrow sound?"

"Excellent!"

"Wait," ZiWei looked apologetically at XiaoYanZi, "we've been invited to a gathering at our grandmother's tomorrow."

"Must we go?"

"I already promised Qing-er we would be there."

XiaoYanZi made a face.

"Who's Qing-er?"

"Our cousin. Grandmother has raised her after her parents' deaths."

"Family is important, XiaoYanZi." He reminded her.

XiaoYanZi made another face but grumbled, "Fine. But only because ZiWei promised Qing-er."

---

"XiaoYanZi…" ZiWei wasn't sure how to say it.

"What is it?"

"Tomorrow's gathering...it has a purpose."

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "there's always a purpose for things in the palace."

"Yes…" ZiWei bit her lip.

"But you promised Qing-er so I'll do my best to behave."

"I did promise Qing-er but...LaoFoYe really gave me little choice. She specifically requested that the two of us attend."

"So she can pass judgement some more?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

ZiWei paused on the path to look at her companion, "we're not the ones being judged."

"Who else will be there?"

"XiaoYanZi…" there really was no easy way to say it, "LaoFoYe asked for our attendance because she knows we are close to Yongqi and she wanted our input when she picks at least one wife for him."

"Oh."

The ensuing silence challenged even ZiWei's patience, "XiaoYanZi, say something."

"What is there to say?"

"I tried to make excuses for you...I'm sorry I was unable to…"

"No. I should be there. I'm his favorite sister after all. I should have an opinion. It would be odd if I didn't."

"Will you be ok?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You don't have to be so brave."

XiaoYanZi shook her head, "I'm not being brave. I'm just...Huang Ah Ma means to name him taizi, doesn't he? And, when the time comes, he'll need an appropriate taizifei."

"XiaoYanZi…"

"I know, you're surprised I'd know. But I learned some things from my conversations with Yongji too... I told Yongqi already that he should walk forward on his path, that I refuse to be a stumbling stone."

"You told him that?"

XiaoYanZi fiddled with her bracelet, a nervous habit she had developed since Yongqi placed it on her wrist, "Not in those words, no…"

"Is that why you wouldn't come with us to visit him at his new estate?"

"I think...I think once I help XiaoJian find his sister, I'll go back to ShuFangZhai and continue being Huan Zhu Ge Ge."

"Huang Ah Ma has missed your presence."

XiaoYanZi smile a little, "and I did promise Qing-er we'd be friends."

"Yes…"

XiaoYanZi nodded resolutely, "I'll be alright."

"You don't have to be." You shouldn't be, ZiWei thought to herself.

XiaoYanZi just shrugged, "I'm not like you, ZiWei, I don't want to dwell on things I can't change. Why waste energy wishing for things to be different when I have other reasons to enjoy my life as it is?"

"But…"

"No buts," XiaoYanZi insisted.

"If tomorrow proves too taxing…"

XiaoYanZi smiled a little, "more likely I'll find it taxing simply because I'll be in danger of dying from boredom."

"I'm sure it won't be that awful."

XiaoYanZi gave ZiWei an unamused look, "hmmm, maybe."

"You'll be encouraged to pass judgement." ZiWei reminded her.

XiaoYanZi's lips quirked into a smile again, "hmmm...that could prove interesting." At the look ZiWei gave her, XiaoYanZi added, "I promise I won't say anything too shocking to LaoFoYe, but neither will I be dishonest."

"I suppose that would be best," ZiWei agreed.

XiaoYanZi approached the day with determined amusement. She listened as Qing-er reminded LaoFoYe of the family backgrounds and any reputable talents of the young ladies that had been gathered. She didn't understand all the important sounding titles that were mentioned, but she suspected each candidate came from either a proper Manchu household or a Han family of high standing. She tried to pay attention, but after a while, the attributes blurred and the titles all jumbled together. She tried to follow ZiWei's lead and sit demurely, but she could feel her attention slipping.

"And what do you think, XiaoYanZi?"

"Hmmm?"

She looked up to see LaoFoYe's steady gaze on her.

"What to do you think Yongqi would look for in a wife?"

"I agree with ZiWei," XiaoYanZi said quickly.

LaoFoYe waved a hand imperiously, "Yes, Yongqi would prefer someone literate and kind. But I want to know what you think as well."

XiaoYanZi thought for a moment before saying resolutely, "Self-reliance."

"Indeed?"

Even ZiWei looked surprised at her reply.

XiaoYanZi nodded, "Yongqi is so serious and, with the increasing responsibilities HuangAhMa has given him, will surely need a peaceful home life. He will have little time or energy to devote to a clingy wife. Rong Qin Wang Fu should be a haven for him, a place of rest, and not a source of more headaches."

"Jia he wan shi xin…" ZiWei murmured softly.

LaoFoYe nodded approvingly at both of them but focused on XiaoYanZi again, "and how do you propose we test for such an attribute?"

XiaoYanZi thought for a moment before saying, "ask for how they would react to a thieving maid."

"And how would that help?"

"As Rong Qin Wang Fei, she should be able to resolve such a common household conflict without needing to appeal to Yongqi for aid. Such a task is well within her responsibilities as mistress of the estate. The way she would react would also reveal any cruelty she may possess."

XiaoYanZi paused, aware that she might have said too much. She felt a little relieved to see the slight smile from Qing-er.

"You care very much for Yongqi."

"LaoFoYe?" XiaoYanZi tried not to let her panic show.

LaoFoYe's expression seemed gentler, "I wasn't wrong to ask for your assistance. Yongqi has spoken enough of both of you on our return journey such that I can tell you are both important to him. He values your counsel. As women, to have the ear of important men gives us our own power. Yongqi has no full blooded siblings of his own, I am glad you two are true sisters to him and trust that you will always act in his best interest."

"Yes," XiaoYanZi said, a lump in her throat at LaoFoYe's words.

"We shall do as XiaoYanZi has suggested. The ladies are prepared to show off their talents, but such a question will be a surprise and enable us to gain not only a glimpse at their true selves but also their poise and ability to react to stress. Qing-er, tell Pu Gong Gong we are ready to begin."

They were treated to a plethora of performances. From ribbon dancing to painting to double handed embroidery, XiaoYanZi felt her eyes were opened to the pinnacle of womanly art forms. Her own meager abilities were thrown into sharp relief. ZiWei certainly could compete with the best of them and had demonstrated her own mastery through thoughtful questions of the ones who claimed musical or literary talents. XiaoYanZi could see LaoFoYe's nods and was glad that ZiWei was gaining the approval of her grandmother. As for herself...she had always known her strengths lay not in traditional pursuits. She had not thought much of it until then. She had been right to tell Yongqi that she was not what he needed. Still, she couldn't help the heartache that she felt.

"And what did you think of their replies to your question?" LaoFoYe asked XiaoYanZi when the last young lady had been dismissed.

XiaoYanZi turned towards her own notes, "three had looked downright panicked and had blurted that they'd defer to Yongqi. One had suggested death, demonstrating a most severe temper. Most focused on some form of punishment. Only two even thought to ask about the motives behind the theft."

"Hmmm and those are the two you prefer the most?"

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "I know little enough of other skills to pass judgement, but at least they showed capabilities of being sensible."

"Of the two, lady Sirin Gioro's family has the greater influence."

"But lady Socoro seems in possession of a milder, more easy going, nature."

LaoFoYe nodded at ZiWei's assessment.

Qing-er spoke up, "but it's only the briefest of encounters today, it may be wise to recall them on other occasions to see if our first impressions hold true."

LaoFoYe nodded again, "Qing-er speaks rightly. This choice is not merely for that of a wangfei…I am fatigued and will go rest."

Qing-er also rose but sat again at LaoFoYe's insistence.

"I see no reason for you to retire as well, Qing-er. Go on, you should have more time with youngsters your own age."

XiaoYanZi found that she was able to keep up her energies through the visit. Qing-er proved an excellent listener and seemed genuinely interested in life outside the palace.

"How I envy you XiaoYanZi," she said softly, "to be able to have such adventures."

"Why can't you?"

"What?"

"You and ZiWei are friends now, surely it would be reasonable for you to visit XueShiFu too!"

"I…it's not quite so simple…"

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "besides, I'm there too, at least for now."

"It is tempting…"

ZiWei knew that Qing-er did not wish for LaoFoYe to misunderstand her intentions, "I think you should do what would make you happy."

Qing-er looked at her thoughtfully, "I suppose...I suppose there's no harm in asking."

"Wonderful!" XiaoYanZi exclaimed.

Her enthusiasm seemed to dim, however, when they returned to XueShiFu. She could feel ZiWei's worried glances during their journey back, but couldn't bring herself to initiate conversation. The knock on her door that evening was not altogether unexpected. But it wasn't ZiWei who stood on the other side.

She shut the door in his face.

He knocked again, "you can't ignore me forever."

"Go away."

"No."

"Please, just go."

"No."

She distanced herself from the door, "Fine, but I'm not opening that door."

She looked back at the sound of rustling and watched as his shadow shifted. Was he sitting down?

"I can be stubborn too."

He certainly sounded determined.

She opened her mouth but then closed it; she wouldn't encourage him.

She prepared herself for bed but found that sleep eluded her. The force of the wind rattled the windows. Could it be that he was still out there?

Wrapping her blanket around herself, she tiptoed back towards the door. Had he fallen asleep? But no, his cough betrayed him.

"You idiot!" She flung open the door, almost causing him to fall backwards.

"XiaoYanZi." He stood again.

"Why are you here?" She asked impatiently.

"You've been avoiding me again."

"I…" she pressed her lips together before saying, "I have nothing more to say to you. Why won't you leave me be?"

What he was going to say was lost in more coughing.

"Oh for heaven's sake!"

She pulled him inside and closed the door firmly. She wrapped her own blanket around him before going to prepare a hand warmer.

His tug on her hand stopped her, "Don't go."

How cold his hand was!

"At least let me fetch a blanket for myself."

He released her and waited until she returned.

"What are you doing here?" She asked again when she settled in the chair across from him.

"You've been avoiding me again." He repeated.

"I haven't…" she fell silent at the look he gave her.

He saw her fiddle with the bracelet and gained enough courage to say, "if it is truly your wish, I will marry who you choose for me."

"LaoFoYe is the one who…"

He shook his head, "I asked Qing-er, I know what happened today. XiaoYanZi, you should not have been forced to be there."

"I wasn't forced."

"You can't tell me you enjoyed it."

"I…" She hated that the way he looked at her caused so many tumultuous feelings to arise. She fussed with the hem of her blanket, noticing absentmindedly that there were a few loose stitches, in lieu of having to look at him.

"If you can look into my eyes and tell me who you have chosen for me, I will do it."

She knew he was daring her, "Lady Sirin Gioro is very learned, ZiWei said so. And Lady Socoro is sweet. They would be good choices."

"Look at me, XiaoYanZi."

She steeled herself and looked up.

"Is that what you want?"

The lump in her throat was back, but still she nodded.

"Use your words."

She opened her mouth but found that she couldn't speak.

He watched her quietly, saw as the conflict in her expressions gave way to a look of defeat.

"XiaoYanZi?"

"It would be the right thing to do." Her voice had never sounded so small.

"Right for whom?"

"For everyone! For you, for HaungAhMa, for this country!"

"No. Not for me. And certainly not for you."

She shook her head, "you'd make an excellent emperor."

"I would rather be a good husband to you."

"You can't say things like that!"

"Why not?"

"Because...because…"

"I don't want to be reasonable or dutiful or filial, not if it means I'll lose you."

"Huang Ah Ma will be so disappointed."

"Huang Ah Ma has other sons."

"I…"

He could see that she was wavering and dared to reach for her hands again, "XiaoYanZi, please."

"I…" she looked at his earnest expression, "I…"

She pulled her hands away and stood, her knuckles white as she clutched at her blanket, "Huang Ah Ma has treated me as a true daughter for all that I'm just a common orphan. I cannot bear to be the cause of such a large disappointment."

"What about me?"

Why was he standing so close again?

"You…"

"What am I to you?"

She gasped as he pulled her closer to him.

"Do I mean nothing to you?"

"You...Yongqi, I'm not good with words, you know that."

"Then maybe we shouldn't use words."

"What..."

He gave her no warning before his lips met hers. She could feel herself relaxing against him, letting the solid nature of him keep her steady. How right she felt! Before she knew it, she was kissing him right back. But...she pushed at him and tried to catch her breath as he parted from her.

She just stared at him, wide eyed.

"XiaoYanZi...I don't want Lady Sirin Gioro or Lady Socoro. I just want you." At least he sounded as breathless as she felt.

Another coughing fit, however, interrupted the moment and forced him to sit again.

"Yongqi, you really should have a taiyi examine you."

"If I do, will you give me an answer?"

"Your health is not something to be used as a bargaining chip." She said sharply.

"I'm fine." Even as he uttered those words, however, he broke into a fresh fit of coughing.

She frowned and patted his back in what she hoped was a soothing manner, "why didn't you stay home if you were ill?"

"If you hadn't been avoiding me, I wouldn't have needed to come see you."

She sighed, "Yongqi…"

"At least, at least tell me you'll think about it?"

"And you'll see a taiyi?"

He smiled a little, knowing she was agreeing, "I will."

She left his side again and he watched as she prepped a hand warmer, filling it carefully with glowing embers from the heating stove.

He held onto her hands when she handed it to him, "XiaoYanZi…"

"Don't you think you've taken advantage enough for one night?"

He pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose lightly, "now I have."

---

XiaoYanZi stared at herself in the mirror, surprised that she still looked the same. She brought a finger to her lips...had it all been a dream? But no, she had checked, she was actually missing a hand warmer. She wasn't good with words but he still understood, didn't he? And she…

She scolded herself. She was turning into ZiWei. She wouldn't pine after him. Besides, she had an appointment with XiaoJian to keep. Wouldn't it be exciting if they found his sister? Though...thinking on Yongqi's cough, she decided that she would go visit him, after her day's planned adventure, just to make sure he followed through on his promise.

She stared at the abbess in shock. "You're saying…"

"XiaoCi...how you've grown!"

"But…" She sputtered, not knowing what to say.

"I could never forget your eyes, so full of life and mischievousness. And you've grown into such a beautiful young lady! E mi tuo fuo. My prayers these years have not been for naught."

Something about the way the abbess had put her palms together in prayer jogged a memory. XiaoYanZi looked about the room in a daze.

"What happened to Big Yellow?"

"Big Yellow?" XiaoJian asked.

"There had been a dog. A stray, like me."

"He followed you everywhere," the abbess said, tears shining in her eyes, "even slept in your bed. We knew something was wrong when we found his body…"

"Oh no!"

"XiaoCi...you remember?"

"I…" XiaoYanZi rubbed at her temples, "I…" she stood up and walked into the courtyard. She thought something had felt familiar when she and XiaoJian had first arrived. That tree, it had been full of green leaves…

"I fell off this tree and hurt my knee…" she murmured.

She turned to search a section of the courtyard wall. There! The unmistakable scratches of a little girl stick figure with a lump that could pass for a dog at her side. Faded with age but not quite gone.

She ran to the well and poked at the stone in one corner until it wiggled loose. Not minding the cold, she stuck her fingers into the hole and withdrew a jade bead, still smooth after all this time

She stood and looked at the abbess and XiaoJian, clutching the bead tightly, "I remember," tears gathered in her eyes, "I remember."

She felt arms wrap around her and the reassuring scent of incense that always clung to the abbess's clothing surround her.

"XiaoCi…"

"Shitai. I've come home."

The abbess wiped her tears away, "my dear child…"

They had settled indoors once more, calmer after such a heartfelt reunion.

"If I am FangCi, then you are my brother."

"FangYan." XiaoJian agreed.

"What took you so long?" Despite her words, there was no blame in her gaze.

Instead, she grinned broadly at him, "thank you, brother, thank you for coming to look for me."

XiaoJian also looked to be in shock. It surely was fate that he had met her that day in the streets and he said as much.

XiaoYanZi nodded, "that reminds me! There's someone else you need to meet."

"Oh?"

XiaoYanZi nodded, "the person who first taught me to wield the sword properly. Only...to meet him, you need to know about my adoptive family."

"They must be people of means."

XiaoYanZi laughed, "Yes...brother, shitai, you must keep this secret. I am not merely XiaoYanZi but Huan Zhu Ge Ge."

"What?!"

"Oh! I had thought you looked familiar, that day during the parade. But I thought I was merely getting old."

XiaoYanZi nodded, "that was me, but it was all an accident, really." And so, she told her story about meeting ZiWei and the way she became a princess.

"And Huang Ah Ma, he has been so kind. Brother, he would be most impressed with you as well! I'm sure he'll be able to find a fitting position for your talents. Do say you'll stay in BeiJing?"

"Honestly," XiaoJian admitted, "I had hoped to bring you home with me, to DaLi."

"But I already have a home, here. I couldn't possibly leave ZiWei and LiuQing and LiuHong and JinSuo and ErKang and Qing-er and…and Yongqi."

"Yongqi?"

XiaoYanZi blushed despite herself, "Rong Qin Wang now. He's the one who coached me with the sword."

"Ah."

"I meant to visit him today anyways. Brother, you should come with me!"

"I...I don't think I should…"

"Why not?"

"Because...because I'm just a commoner."

"Oh Yongqi isn't like that, he wouldn't treat you any differently for such a silly reason. Please?"

"XiaoCi," shitai asked gently, "is there another reason you wish your brother to meet this RongQinWang of yours?"

"He's not my RongQinWang."

"Hmmm." Shitai held her peace but she couldn't help but grin. She felt positively young again. XiaoCi had been recovered and, it seems, will be making a good match.

XiaoYanZi cleared her throat, "Will you, brother?"

"I…" looking into her hopeful eyes, however, XiaoJian found that he could not decline.

He followed her into the study, astounded that the guards at the entrance to the estate gave no trouble to his presence. Instead, they had bowed respectfully to XiaoYanZi when she showed them her jade tablet. His sister really was a princess! What a fantastic story. And what irony!

He saw the young man's eyes light up at the sight of his sister.

"XiaoYanZi!"

"Yongqi! There's someone I want you to meet."

Only then did the prince turn towards her companion, his expressions shuttering beneath a more professional veneer, "oh?"

XiaoYanZi grinned widely at XiaoJian, "this is my brother!"

"What?"

XiaoJian had caught the small frown on the prince's face when XiaoYanZi had smiled and filed it away carefully.

"My real, blood brother!" XiaoYanZi insisted.

"You should both sit," the prince said at last before turning to his servant to ask for refreshments.

XiaoYanZi was fairly brimming with excitement, "we met in front of Hui Bing Lou, when I was performing. He was looking for his sister and today, we went to the nunnery and...I'm FangCi. I'm his sister!"

"XiaoYanZi, slow down. Your words are all jumbled."

"I'm just so happy!"

Yongqi smiled indulgently at her, "I can see that. But still, start at the beginning?"

XiaoYanZi huffed but did manage to calm a little, "oh, alright."

XiaoJian admitted to himself that the prince was an intelligent sort in the way he asked for corroborating details from XiaoJian.

"Do you plan to tell Huang Ah Ma?"

"Of course!" XiaoYanZi said, "I had hoped Huang Ah Ma might find a good position for brother."

"You know Huang Ah Ma believes in merit above all else."

"And my brother certainly has all the merits!" XiaoYanZi retorted.

XiaoJian cleared his throat, "I appreciate the thought, but I must decline."

The prince looked surprised, "oh?"

"I've lived too long as a wanderer in the jianghu, I would not like to be shackled by official duty."

To his surprise, the prince laughed, "You have certainly proven you're XiaoYanZi's brother through those words."

His smile abruptly faded as he broke into a fit of coughing.

XiaoYanZi rose at once and handed him her handkerchief, "haven't you summoned the taiyi yet?"

He shook his head but his continued coughs kept him from speaking.

XiaoYanZi huffed again and called for XiaoLuZi, "do ask for Hu TaiYi to visit, please?"

The eunuch looked to his master who simply nodded.

When Yongqi regained his breath, he said, "it's only your first visit and you're already ordering my servants about?"

"Only because you can't be bothered to care for your own health."

"I don't truly mind," Yongqi said to her, "in fact, I think I could very quickly get used to it."

"Yongqi…"

XiaoJian coughed a little to remind them of his presence. He had seen enough to deduce the nature of their relationship.

The prince looked embarrassed at having been caught in an unguarded moment. "Even if you would decline a position in government, HuangAhMa will still wish to meet you."

"I'm sure HuangShang has more important things to do."

"Nonsense," the prince insisted, "XiaoYanZi is important to HuangAhMa. He will most definitely wish to meet her brother."

As important as she is to you? XiaoJian wondered to himself.

"And now we must go tell ZiWei and ErKang the news!"

"You haven't told them yet?"

"You're the first one I've told."

"I'm touched," Yongqi said.

XiaoYanZi blushed at the way he was looking at her, "well, we're going back to XueShiFu now. XiaoDengZi, you'll make sure he lets Hu taiyi examine him properly?"

"Yes, Ge Ge."

"Already turning my own servants against me," he muttered in mock anger.

She lifted an eyebrow, "if you took better care of yourself, I wouldn't have to."

When he just smiled at her, she fidgeted and grabbed XiaoJian's arm, "come on, brother. ZiWei will be ever so surprised!"

---

Despite the emperor's favor of XiaoYanZi, protocol had to be followed and XiaoJian still had to be properly vetted before he was allowed to set foot in the palace. XiaoYanZi didn't like to wait, but even she agreed that the rules served a purpose. XiaoJian, who became a guest at XueShiFu at XiaoYanZi's insistence and ZiWei's allowance, found it bittersweet that his sister should hold such genuine affection for the emperor. During the process, XiaoJian's impression that Fu ErKang was a highly observant and intelligent young man was also reinforced. A friendship of mutual respect had sprung up between them.

"You are not pleased at the attachment between XiaoYanZi and Yongqi."

"I only fail to see how it can end well."

"I had thought ZiWei and I were impossible at one time."

"Hmm."

"But there is something more."

XiaoJian sighed.

"Your family background...you've resisted bringing it up and XiaoYanZi has been too happy lately to push you."

"What are your thoughts?"

"ZiWei told me once, that XiaoYanZi had joked that you came to the capital not only to reclaim your sister but also to wreck revenge on the person who destroyed your family."

"You do not believe it to be a joke."

ErKang shook his head, "no."

"Who do you think the enemy is?"

"HuangShang."

When XiaoJian did not reply, ErKang lifted an eyebrow. He had not been certain at all, but he had followed his instincts and thrown out the conjecture in the off chance that it could be correct.

"No wonder you do not seem eager to allow XiaoYanZi to insist that you stay in BeiJing."

"My sister is someone so full of joy...this shadow I will bear for both of us."

"Who was your father?"

"His name was Fang Zhi Hang."

"And his crime?"

"Treason?"

"In Which form?"

"A poem."

"A poem?"

"Forged to be in my father's hand."

"Ah."

ErKang stated after a pause, "If the crime could be forged, surely so can an edict from the emperor."

"What are you saying?"

ErKang shrugged, "Since our trip south, Yongqi has been tasked with checking into the deeds of current local magistrates. He has righted not a few wrongly determined cases. Why should your father's case not be one such case?"

"You would have me tell him."

"You and he are united in your goal to protect XiaoYanZi."

"Hmm...you do not wish for this matter to come between them."

"XiaoYanZi is also my sister," ErKang said simply.

"My sister is fortunate to have such a caring family."

"Of which you are now also a member." ErKang reminded him.

XiaoJian smiled a little, "it's certainly an adjustment."

ErKang laughed, "but a worthwhile one."

"Brother!" XiaoYanZi's voice preceded her actual person as she barged into the study.

"You could have knocked," ErKang said dryly.

XiaoYanZi paid him no mind, "come! It's snowing!"

"I've seen snow before," XiaoJian said with a smile.

"But not with me!" So saying, XiaoYanZi dragged XiaoJian out the door. ErKang just shook his head as he followed.

XiaoYanZi spun in the courtyard as snow fell around her. "Isn't it beautiful?!"

Her brother smiled at seeing her so happy, "breathtaking."

"She may be a summer swallow bird, but I think her flight is beautiful in winter as well."

"Qing-er!" XiaoYanZi grabbed her hands and the two spun in circles.

"XiaoYanZi! Be careful! You'll both get dizzy and fall!"

"And you should be indoors where it's warm," ErKang wrapped an arm around his wife's waist.

ZiWei just smiled at her husband, he had grown even more protective since learning that she was with child. "A little bit of fresh air can do no harm."

"I am happy to see you too, XiaoYanZi." Qing-er managed to say when XiaoYanZi finally stopped their twirling.

"How did you manage to convince LaoFoYe to allow you to visit?"

"By reminding her that ZiWei should rest more often in her state."

"I'm so glad you're here! Come, meet my brother!"

Qing-er smiled, "You must be XiaoJian, I have heard so much about you."

XiaoJian nodded politely, "and you must be Qing-Ge-Ge."

"Just Qing-er please."

"Qing-er then. I have also heard much about you."

"All exaggerations if your source is XiaoYanZi."

"Hey!" XiaoYanZi still laughed though, the snow was too pretty to be angry.

"If only Yongqi weren't away." ZiWei said to ErKang quietly.

"Some occasions call for his personal appearance."

"But so soon after XiaoYanZi found her brother?" ZiWei sighed, "this weather cannot be helpful for his cough."

"Hu TaiYi's skills are without equal."

ZiWei sighed again but then suddenly sneezed.

"I knew you should have stayed indoors." ErKang frowned.

"I'm fine," ZiWei insisted, but she allowed him to turn her towards their quarters.

Yongqi was just finishing his medicine when XiaoJian was announced. He set the bowl aside and greeted him with a nod, "ErKang mentioned that you wished to speak with me."

"Yes…" XiaoJian paused but then told the story of the Fang family's misfortune.

"Does XiaoYanZi know?"

XiaoJian shook his head, "HuangShang recalled her to ShuFangZhai shortly after you left for your trip. But even if I had the chance, I would not have told her."

Yongqi nodded in understanding before handing XiaoJian a packet of documents, "ErKang had shared his concerns with me before I left and then wrote to me of your father's name."

XiaoJian looked through the documents and then at the prince, "you went to HangZhou."

"I was in Jiangning to oversee the imperial aid for the flooding. It was close enough and did not take long to give your father back his innocence."

XiaoJian clutched at the papers, "I don't know how I can thank you…"

Yongqi nodded but then coughed lightly. "There is one thing…"

"What is it?"

"XiaoYanZi…"

"What about my sister?"

Yongqi sighed, "I love your sister. A man of your abilities has surely realized."

"Yes…"

"I...I wanted to marry her."

"Wanted?"

Yongqi was quiet before he coughed again, "I'm dying."

"What?"

"This cough...Hu taiyi says there's a tumor in my lungs. It may grow slowly, or fast. He can give me medicines to try to stall its growth, but he can't stop it."

"How long?"

"I don't know. Maybe years, maybe months."

"Who else knows?"

"Huang Ah Ma and Lao Fo Ye."

"Ah. Qing-er and ZiWei had wondered why LaoFoYe has yet to issue edicts of marriage for you."

Yongqi nodded.

"You wish to hide it from XiaoYanZi."

"I...I have failed to protect her from too many things. I can't bear to tell her."

"She would want to know."

Yongqi shook his head, "You should take her to DaLi. I can speak with HuangAhMa. He has a copy of my report regarding your father. He wouldn't begrudge XiaoYanZi this chance to get to know the family she still has left in this world."

"And what about you?"

"Me? I am still a QinWang even if…" Yongqi sighed, "I will fulfill my duties as long as my health allows."

"And then?"

"And then...this estate is large enough such that I will be the most comfortable of hermits."

"And when XiaoYanZi returns?"

Yongqi was silent.

"You do not plan to live that long."

Yongqi's continued silence was answer enough.

"You should tell her," XiaoJian said again.

"I can't."

"She deserves the truth."

Yongqi shook his head, "she has never given me an answer."

"Not in words I expect, but my sister's actions surely speak louder."

Yongqi thought again of their single kiss, of the way she did not shy away from him. How happy, how hopeful he had been. "She can't know."

"I still think you're wrong."

"Please."

XiaoJian sighed. He knew how much it took for the prince to beg. "I will keep your secret."

"Thank you."

The say in silence a moment before XiaoJian asked, "What about ZiWei? And ErKang? Do you intend to keep them in the dark as well?"

"ZiWei...ZiWei is discrete but she has never been a very good liar, even if only by omission. Besides, she does not need news of such sort in her condition."

"ErKang will notice something to be off."

"He won't press me."

"XiaoYanZi will hate you when she finds out."

"Then she will find it easier to forget me."

XiaoJian shook his head, "I have seen much in my travels, but I still do not understand love."

---

XiaoYanZi was surprised that her brother accepted an appointment in government after all.

"What changed, brother?"

"HuangShang set it as a condition for you to accompany me to DaLi."

"Really?!" XiaoYanZi perked up, "When do we leave?"

"In the spring, when the roads are safer for travel."

"Oh!" XiaoYanZi clapped gleefully, "What an adventure it'll be!"

"Yes."

"You don't seem as happy." XiaoYanZi frowned a little, "if you truly do not wish to stay in BeiJing, you shouldn't. You don't have to agree just because of me."

XiaoJian smiled at his sister, "before, I had said no because of a misunderstanding. Now though, the truth has been made known and my objection has no ground on which to stand."

"Must you speak so cryptically?"

"I think it's time I told you about our parents."

"Oh yes, please!"

And so, he told her the truth, including ErKang and Yongqi's part in revealing it. "You have managed to build quite the family around yourself."

"Yongqi did that?"

"Yes...meimei, you care about him very much, don't you?"

"I…"

"He is a good man."

"And will be a just ruler," she whispered, knowing such comments were taboo in the palace.

"Yes."

"You agree, brother?"

XiaoJian nodded, "I would not have agreed to work for him otherwise."

"Oh!"

"He also cares very much for you."

"I know." Her voice had grown quiet again.

"Anyways, I think I'll bring a map with me next time I visit ShuFangZhAi so that we can begin planning our route!"

"There's to be a next time?"

He nodded and held up a special golden placard, "with permission from the emperor himself."

XiaoYanZi grinned again, "oh I told you, didn't I? Huang Ah Ma has been most kind!"

"HuangDi, though XiaoYanZi may not be able to bear children, still...is it wise to allow that FangYan to visit her so often?"

"Hmmm?" The emperor looked at his mother in surprise, "Why shouldn't her brother be allowed to visit her?"

"Her brother?!"

"Did Qing-er not tell you?"

"She has in fact not." LaoFoYe wondered then what else Qing-er had failed to mention.

"Ah, well…" the emperor then explained about the Fang family saga.

"Does HuangShang wish to make such knowledge public?"

"Why?"

"To protect XiaoYanZi's reputation of course!"

"Have people truly suggested…"

"HuangShang." The empress dowager's tone indicated clearly her disappointment at her son's lack of foresight.

"XiaoYanZi is in name zhen's foster daughter. Zhen sees no reason to change that."

"And ZiWei?"

"There's surely no need to cause her unease at such a time."

And so the rumors were spread until everyone knew the truth. XiaoYanZi was not XiaYuHe's daughter after all, but had merely been the messenger who helped fulfill the true princess's dying wish. Rather, her real name was FangCi, daughter of a widely respected scholar. The emperor had known the whole time but so enjoyed the girl's company and thought of her as a true daughter that he did not bother correcting the misconception. Her brother FangYan, who seemed to be a new favorite of the emperor, was also sometimes included. Those who had met him agreed that he was certainly a man of talent.

"Apparently I'm dead," ZiWei told ErKang when she learned of the gossip.

"What?"

She told him the news, her lips quirking with barely concealed amusement.

"Huh."

At her husband's expression, ZiWei couldn't hold back her laughter any longer.

"So I've married a ghost?"

"Not at all!" ZiWei answered when she had caught her breath, "I'm He QinWang's daughter, remember?"

"Most kind of Huang Ah Ma to leave you out of such earth-shattering information."

"Hmm, Yes."

She giggled suddenly.

"ZiWei?" He frowned a little, still not completely used to her new mood swings during the pregnancy.

"I was just thinking...Yongqi will be able to marry XiaoYanZi after all! How delightful!"

"Yes…" his thought process was interrupted when she snuggled close.

"ErKang...I am so very happy."

"Even though you can never claim your true identity?"

"I can claim to be your wife, that's enough."

"ZiWei…ZiWei?"

He adjusted their position. Ah, she had fallen asleep already.

He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before closing his own eyes.

---

"Lady Sirin Gioro is to be betrothed to 6-Ah-Ge."

"What?"

"And Yongkun is to marry Lady Socoro."

ZiWei looked at Qing-er curiously, "you must be mistaken."

Qing-er shook her head, "LaoFoYe plans to announce it tomorrow."

"But…"

"I know." Qing-er's brows were furrowed in thought, "something strange is afoot."

"HuangAhMa's favor of Yongqi does not seem to have lessened," ZiWei murmured.

"I wonder…" Qing-er bit her lip, "ZiWei...do you think it's possible that Yongqi might have…"

"Ah." ZiWei did not need Qing-er to finish her conjecture. Would he?

They traded a look.

"LaoFoYe would never stand for it."

Qing-er nodded but still looked troubled.

"He'll be back for New Year's surely. We can ask him then."

"I wonder…" Qing-er hesitated.

"What?"

Qing-er frowned, "is it HuangShang who keeps sending Yongqi on these trips or…"

"Or is Yongqi avoiding XiaoYanZi?"

Qing-er nodded.

"If he was to be married," ZiWei replied thoughtfully, "then, maybe. But, with what you have said…"

"It doesn't make sense." Qing-er concluded.

ZiWei nodded. "And how is XiaoYanZi?"

"Utterly invested in learning all she can about DaLi and YunNan. I never thought I'd wish for anyone to stop reading, but it's a bit overwhelming to be told at least ten different facts each time I see her."

ZiWei chuckled, "she can be overly enthusiastic."

"Or maybe it's her way of dealing with Yongqi's absence."

ZiWei voiced no disagreement.

Qing-er sighed, "as you say, surely he will return in time for New Year's."

XiaoYanZi heard that Yongqi had returned and made it her business to find out the day he was to make his report to the emperor regarding the latest trip. She expected him to come find her afterwards, but night had fallen and still he didn't show.

"GeGe, it's getting late, you should rest."

"CaiXia, you and MingYue go rest, I just want to finish this portion of my book."

Her maids exchanged a look; their mistress hasn't turned a page for at least the last hour.

"Go on," XiaoYanZi insisted.

"Oh no, we will stay for as long as Ge Ge has need of us."

XiaoYanZi smiled, as she did most times her servants said 'me' or 'us.' It had taken her much too long to indoctrinate them into that habit. "No, you two go rest. I'm almost done with this passage."

Her maids exchanged another look before leaving as XiaoYanZi had instructed.

XiaoYanZi intended to return her attention to the travelogue but she found that the quietness of the night proved too distracting. At last, she closed the book with a slight thump and walked into the receiving room. She watched the door, but it remained solidly closed. She bit her lip...he was surely fatigued. Or maybe HuangAhMa kept him for further discussions. Or…

She gave the door a last baleful look before turning to undress for bed.

She burrowed under the covers, shivering slightly, particularly as she heard the wind whistle outdoors. It had blown in a similar manner when he…

She shivered again, but for a reason other than the wintry chill. She had heard LaoFoYe's announcement and had wondered if he had said something after all. If that was the case...a part of her was frustrated that he would give up so much for her, but another part of her, the selfish voice she had tried so hard to ignore, felt so very content and not a little smug. And now that everyone knew she was truly a foster daughter, surely…

She touched her lips, remembering and...and wanting.

She hadn't wanted to confront her own feelings, had been frightened at what she might discover. But now, she admitted to herself that she wanted to feel his arms around her, wanted to feel the weight of his gaze, wanted to feel the pressure of his lips against hers. She wanted to marry him, to understand the secret looks ErKamg and ZiWei shared, to experience what it's like to be open and vulnerable and yet trust in him to take care of her.

She hugged a pillow close, wishing that it was him instead.

The days passed, each one with visitors and visits in light of the new year's season. She saw him leaving as she arrived to pay her respects to LaoFoYe, but he was already too far away to hear her voice call his name. She enjoyed her visit with LaoFoYe who she's discovered over the months to have a dry and sarcastic sense of humor beneath her seemingly severe exterior. And she had grown close to Qing-er as well. She wasn't as intuitive or as understanding as ZiWei, but she was genuinely kind and helped explain some of the things XiaoYanZi still found odd about living in the palace. All the same, she felt an impatient urge to return to ShuFangZhai in case Yongqi was to visit.

But he didn't. Her servants looked at each other in concern at her crestfallen expression. Mingyue and CaiXia made sure her favorite foods were prepared for supper. XiaoDengZi and XiaoZhuoZi shared silly gossip they had overheard. XiaoYanZi smiled and chuckled lightly but she did not laugh. She also retired to bed early.

"Do you think we ought to send a message to HeSi GeGe?"

XiaoDengZi shook his head, "HeSi GeGe should not travel with the snow piling up the way it is."

MingYue sighed, "but GeGe seems so out of sorts."

"What if we planned for a snowball fight? We can summon the other Ah He's and GeGe's."

CaiXia nodded, "GeGe would like that. This weather has kept her from being as active as she's used to."

XiaoDengZi nodded, "a great idea, XiaoZhuoZi."

MingYue though, still looked uncertain, "should we invite Rong Qin Wang?"

The other three looked at her in surprise.

"I just think that he is who GeGe would truly like to see."

"Rong Qin Wang is surely too busy for such frivolous activity."

"But for GeGe, surely he would…"

The group fell silent. RongQinWang and their GeGe did seem to share a special connection.

"I'll speak to XiaoLuZi," XiaoDengZi at last said determinedly.

XiaoYanZi moped. She didn't mean to, but with the snow showing no signs of stopping, she couldn't go anywhere and no one could visit her. Her sleep was restless and she found herself taking daytime naps for the first time in her memory.

Her servants debated asking for a taiyi but at XiaoYanZi's quick refusal, could only hope that the snow would stop soon.

XiaoYanZi woke to the sound of laughter and giggles. Baffled, she rose and looked out into ShuFangZhai's courtyard.

"XiaoYanZi jiejie! Join us!"

Was that Yongji? The prince gave an exclamation of shock as he was hit in the face with a snowball. 7-Ge-Ge giggles as she hid behind the trunk of a tree.

XiaoYanZi surveyed the scene. Not only were the royal children and their nurse maids in attendance, but quite a few of the servants with whom she regularly interacted were present as well. There was XiaoShunZi from the library, XiQue from the cartographers, even Li Gong Gong from the royal kitchens.

"GeGe should dress more warmly if she desired to join them."

XiaoYanZi turned around to see MingYue and CaiXia smiling.

"You did this?"

"It was XiaoZhuoZi's idea."

"Oh!" XiaoYanZi's eyes felt suspiciously moist.

Her maids' looks of concern caused her wipe at her eyes before grinning broadly, "well come on! Help me!"

XiaoYanZi joined the fray and divided everyone into two teams. She named herself the arbitrator and assigned GaoYuan and GaoDa the task of leading the 'troops'. She laughed gleefully as royalty and servants pelted each other with snowballs, heedless of rank. She couldn't help but throw some of her own snowballs as well.

"Who's side are you one?" Yongji yelled out at one point when she led the princesses in a targeted attack.

"Everyone's and no one's!" She gleefully responded.

"In that case…" she barely had time to turn before snow clouded her vision.

"Qing-er!" She gasped in shock when her visual cleared.

Qing-er giggled, "I'm sorry I'm late."

"No later than me."

"Brother!"

XiaoYanZi's laughter increased when Yongji took the opportunity to attack the newcomers with renewed vigor.

Later, after she had taken a hot bath and changed into dry clothing, XiaoYanZi insisted on a group hug with her servants.

"Thank you, thank you!"

"We live to serve GeGe," XiaoDengZi said simply.

"How can I show my appreciation?"

"Seeing GeGe laugh again is reward enough." MingYue said, causing the other three to nod in agreement.

"You're too good to me."

XiaoZhuoZi shook his head, "it is GeGe who is too good to us. No other servant is treated as nicely in the palace. GeGe treats us not as servants but as friends, as family. The four of us, we are the cause for much jealousy among the others."

"Anything GeGe needs, you have only to ask." CaiXia added, "the four of us would give our lives for you."

XiaoYanZi sniffled as she drew them close for another hug. "Thank you."

---

XiaoYanZi's spirits did recover. Yongqi's continued absence was still keenly felt but she was much more aware of her own worth in so many others' eyes. Perhaps...perhaps she didn't need…

But then she overheard a conversation, about how RongQinWang was ill again and would not be able to attend the New Year's banquet. She frowned to herself. She should have known that he would work too hard and ignore his own health again. And of course he wouldn't think to summon Hu Tai Yi himself. And so she went to TaiYiSuo with the intent of speaking to Hu Tai Yi herself.

She didn't mean to overhear, but HuTaiYi seemed much too focused on his assistant to notice her presence.

"See that you grind that root into a very fine powder. We must be very precise in the making of the wanzi for RongQinWang."

The assistant nodded.

"Steady...steady…" HuTaiYi had turned to the other assistant, who was pouring one mixture into another.

HuTaiYi nodded in approval, "good. At this pace, we will be able to deliver this batch to RongQinWang tomorrow."

Tomorrow? XiaoYanZi slipped away quietly. If he wouldn't come see her, then she would go see him.

She convinced XiaoZhuoZi to lend her a set of his clothing and loitered around TaiYiSuo, pretending to be helping clear the snow from the steps, until she noticed HuTaiYi enter his carriage. She breathed a sigh of relief that it was XiaoShunZi who was driving the carriage and quickly climbed aboard.

"Ge…"

XiaoYanZi slapped her hand over his mouth and shook her head.

"I could get in so much trouble!" He whispered.

"With me dressed like this, who would suspect? I'll keep my head down and hat low."

"Ge Ge…"

A knock from inside the carriage signaled the physician's impatience.

"Please?"

XiaoShunZi sighed and slapped the reigns.

XiaoYanZi beamed at him before tucking her head down to look as inconspicuous as possible. She breathed a sigh of relief as they passed through the gate out of the palace.

She quietly took the box that HuTaiYi handed her and followed behind him into RongQinWangFu.

She couldn't help but look about curiously when they entered not into Yongqi's study but into his bedroom. Things were so...neat and organized. The sound of coughing however, drew her attention elsewhere.

He looked thinner, though maybe she should have expected it.

"WangYe."

Yongqi tried to smile as he laid out his arm, "HuTaiYi."

The physician checked the pulse.

"From your expression, I assume everything is stable?"

"For now. Though WangYe does have a simple cold. But if WangYe insists on exhausting himself, even my best efforts would be no match for your other illness."

"I suppose I feel guilty and merely wish to do as much as I can for HuangAhMa before…"

His words trailed off into another cough.

"WangYe may yet have years."

Yongqi smiles wanely, "particularly if I took care to rest?"

HuTaiYi hesitated before he asked, "how long does WangYe intend to keep the illness a secret?"

Yongqi sighed, "as long as I can...at least through the spring."

"Until after HuanZhuGeGe leaves for her trip?"

At Yongqi's look, HuTaiYi dipped his head, "I hope WangYe will forgive me for overstepping…"

Yongqi sighed again, "she deserves such happiness. If she knew that my time is limited…"

A crash made patient and physician glance in the direction of who they thought was a mere eunuch.

"XiaoYanZi…"

"Huan Zhu Ge Ge!"

XiaoYanZi stared right at Yongji, "what do you mean your time is limited?"

"How did you get here?"

"Is that what you care about?!"

"You shouldn't be here."

"But I am."

XiaoYanZi turned to the royal physician, "Hu Tai Yi, what manner of illness does he have?"

"GeGe…"

"It's just a cold."

XiaoYanZi looked disbelievingly at him, "you're lying."

"XiaoYanZi…"

"Tell me the truth."

Yongqi looked at her a long moment before turning to the physician, "thank you, Hu Tai Yi. I hope you have a safe return journey."

"Until next week. WangYe, GeGe."

XiaoYanZi did not moved from her spot, even after Hu Tai Yi left. She thought she understood their conversation, but every fiber of her being rejected the thought. It wasn't possible, shouldn't be possible.

"XiaoYanZi…"

"Tell me the truth," she said again, but her voice wavered. Tell me it's not true, she meant.

"I didn't want you to find out."

"Find out what?"

"That...that I'm dying."

"No."

"No." She repeated.

"XiaoYanZi…"

She shook her head, "no."

"I have a tumor, it'll only continue to grow."

"No."

"XiaoYanZi…"

"I asked for the truth…"

"I am telling you the truth."

She looked so lost. He made to swing his legs out of bed, to go to her, but his cough slowed him.

"What are you doing?" She had come to his side automatically. "You should be resting."

He reached out a hand but then let it drop onto the comforter, "I'm sorry."

"You should be."

"I…"

"To keep something like this from me, what were you thinking?"

"XiaoYanZi...I…" he didn't know how to explain.

"I'm going to move here."

"What?"

"You obviously need someone to ensure that you rest."

"You can't, it wouldn't be proper…"

"I don't care," XiaoYanZi said fiercely.

"XiaoYanXi…"

"Unless you care. Unless you don't want me anymore."

"I…" he pressed his lips together, to prevent himself from telling her that...that...

"Because you can't just make me fall in love with you and then just ignore me. You're responsible for me now, particularly after...after…"

She stuttered, frustrated at her own inability to express herself. She frowned at the way he was looking at her, so full of tenderness and yet sadness. How could she make him understand?

"XiaoYanZi…"

She was afraid of what he might say. Without thinking about it, she swiftly leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. She wasn't sure what she was doing, just knew that she didn't want to hear his rejection.

Yongqi knew he should stop her but his arms wouldn't listen to his brain. Instead of pushing her away, he pulled her closer. Distantly, he heard a thud as her hat fell onto the floor.

"I do want you." He murmured against her lips.

"I've never stopped wanting you," he added between kisses.

He needed to stop but she was proving to be so very pliant and he...he had imagined her in his bed much too often.

XiaoYanZi was lost, her senses going into overload. She made no protests as she was lowered onto his bed, could only wrap her arms around his neck as they continued to kiss. His words...she didn't know how to respond and so just kissed him harder.

He made a sound that was almost a growl before she felt his lips trailing down her neck, only to pause at her pulse point. A sound escaped her, one she hadn't known she was capable of making but one sounding suspiciously like what she had heard ZiWei make over the summer.

He tore his lips away from her then, "no...not like this."

He sat up, distancing himself from her.

She took a moment to calm her breathing before slowly sitting up as well. Her fingers shook as she refastened the two buttons that had somehow been loosened.

"Yongqi…"

"I'm sorry," he said, avoiding her eyes, "I should have controlled myself better."

"I started it." She murmured.

"No...I took advantage. I'm sorry."

"And if I tell you I want you to take advantage?"

"Don't say that."

She slipped a hand into his, "Yongqi…"

He squeezed his eyes shut, his body so very tense, "you don't know what you're saying."

But XiaoYanZi was undaunted, "If you truly have limited time...is it not all the more reason for us to be together?"

"Don't." He said again.

She just leaned her head on his shoulder, "Yongqi…"

"I'm dying,"

"And I'm barren. But it didn't matter to you."

"Still doesn't." He reassured her, almost reflexively.

She smiled, knowing he was beginning to crack, "what is there to stop us?"

"I don't know how long…"

"I wish to stay by your side, for as long as I am able."

"XiaoYanZi…" he turned to look at her, looking for any hint of hesitation. But her gaze remained clear.

"XiaoYanZi…"

She smiled a little, hearing the resigned tone to his voice.

"I didn't wish to burden you," he murmured.

She chuckled as she shook her head, "Contrary to what most people think, I am not altogether averse to responsibilities."

He squeezed her hand, "You should go back before you're missed."

She nodded but then looked at him suspiciously, "You won't attempt to slip away, will you?"

"How can I? HuTaiYi advised rest, remember?"

"It would be the kind of stupidly noble thing you would do," She retorted.

"I'll stay right here and recuperate."

When she squinted her eyes at him, he added, "I promise."

She nodded and rose to pick up her fallen hat.

He coughed a little bit before saying, "Come here."

She sat next to him again and waited as he reached out and straightened her hat.

"You look ridiculous."

She grinned back at him, "I wouldn't have had to resort to desperate measures if you hadn't been so set on ignoring me."

"I'm going to have to learn to follow orders, aren't I?"

"You're smart, I trust you'll adjust quickly."

His smile widened at her imperious tone. "Then should I wait for you to speak to HuangAhMa and LaoFoYe?"

"About what?"

"About getting married."

She blinked.

"I want no ambiguities. When you move here, it'll be as my wife."

"Oh."

"What? You can't object now."

"I'm not."

"Good." He couldn't help but kiss her again, more chastely this time.

"I'll speak to them," he said.

"We will speak to them," she corrected him.

"Alright."

---

The emperor was almost relieved at their request. Although, the way they looked at each other, it really wasn't a request so much as a notification.

He had taken news of Yongqi's illness rather hard. As a ruler, he bemoaned the lost opportunity of a potential heir. As a father, he recalled each time he had lost a child. And he could not deny that Yongqi was a favorite.

He could tell, at the slightly softening expression of his mother, that she also felt some comfort that Yongqi could still obtain happiness.

He watched his children leave and heaved a sigh. He wondered if they were even aware that their hands had found each other.

"She is not who I would have chosen," his mother said.

The emperor nodded in agreement, "but fate had other ideas."

"He needs her," she admitted after a long moment.

The emperor smiled a little. Yes, he had thought so too, but he had also been determined to groom his son for a position that required him to learn to do without.

LaoFoYe rolled her prayer beads thoughtfully, "it is not up to us mortals to question the will of the heavens."

"HuangENiang speaks rightly." Even he, the heaven's son, was all too human.

"I had best start the preparations. They will wish to marry as soon as possible."

"HuangENiang has much to do."

"I don't mind, not for Yongqi. And for all her rough edges, XiaoYanZi cares very much for him. I cannot fault her taste."

The emperor nodded, "Zhen leaves the matter in HuangENiang's capable hands."

Later that day, as he read through Yongqi's essay regarding a state matter, he couldn't help but recall the first time he had heard his son recite his lessons. He had known even then that this child was special. And Yongqi had always more than met his expectations. It really wasn't fair.

But then, perhaps this illness was meant to be. He had seen Yongqi's frown when the emperor sent him to accompany LaoFoYe. His son was too dutiful to be resentful, but he clearly was not happy about leaving when XiaoYanZi had yet to wake fully. He almost expected Yongqi to take a stand when he returned. He was relieved when Yongqi did not.

The illness was a more than valid excuse though. And if it weren't for the fact that Yongqi clearly felt guilty for the lost future, the emperor might have been more upset. His son had chosen duty and would have fulfilled it brilliantly.

As a QinWang, he will continue to excel. But the emperor was not immune to regret.

And then, there was XiaoYanZi. She was as dear as any daughter, maybe even more so. She with her bright eyes and frank nature...in the eyes of the world, he had chosen her to be his daughter. But really, she had chosen him too. She valued his opinions, wanted to live up to his expectations not because she was obligated but because she chose to. He who was used to being respected and obeyed just for his position understood the difference. And when she had clung to him after that fire...was there anything more precious, more real, than the pure love between parent and child?

Besides, after what she had done to save LingFei and her child, he owed her. And he had planned to spoil her to the end of her days. He accepted her brother, in part because of her. FangYan has earned his respect through his own merits but the emperor had initially given him a chance because of XiaoYanZi. He suspected FangYan knew it as well. But the man was too knowledgeable about the world to feel belittled.

And now...it was oddly appropriate, wasn't it? That two of his favorite children should find joy with each other? He would have preferred the future he had planned, would have preferred that both of them remain healthy and whole, but perhaps the heavens meant to remind him to be humble.

He didn't understand them. Didn't know what it was like to devote himself to one person, had never even thought of it as a possibility. But he was happy for them, just as he was for ErKang and ZiWei. Maybe it was a sign of age, this sentimentality.

He sighed again before turning back to the pile of paperwork on his desk. There was still much to do. He had to ensure that the foundation Yongqi had built would not go to waste. That Yongqi would be instrumental in helping groom the next possible heir must not be in doubt. His son's limited time did not detract from his worth.

---

The first person, besides their elders, they informed was XiaoJian. XiaoYanZi had been all for rushing to XueShiFu to tell ZiWei, but Yongqi insisted.

"He's your brother."

"I don't need his permission," XiaoYanZi retorted.

"But I would like to have his blessing. Particularly as he is the only other person to know."

XiaoYanZi stopped in her tracks, "brother knew?!"

Yongqi nodded, "I asked him to look after you…"

"I can't believe he never told me!"

"I asked him not to."

She let go of his hand to poke at his arm, "not fair, the two of you are conspiring against me."

He grabbed her hand and firmly intertwined her fingers with his, "he thought I was wrong to keep it from you."

She sniffed, "at least somebody is on my side."

"Your brother is an honest man."

"Quite right."

"I should have listened to him."

"Yes."

He smiled at her, "At least I know I have his approval."

"Is that important?"

"Of course! He's your brother!"

"Ah, you just wish for another person to share the blame when we tell ZiWei and ErKang."

He laughed at her conjecture but did not disagree, "They both have this way of looking at you with such disappointment...I'd rather crawl under a rock then face such expressions."

"It's no more than what you deserve." She sniffed.

"I already apologized."

At her continued disgruntled expression, he paused on the path, "XiaoYanZi...I promise, I will never keep something of this magnitude from you again."

"You'd better not."

He brought her hand to his lips, "I promise."

Her expression softened before she realized where they were. "You're taking advantage again."

"I remember someone telling me that she wanted me to take advantage,"

"That was…"

He smiled at her reddened cheeks, "I know."

He lowered her hand but did not release it, "I will stop trying to delay the inevitable."

---

They married a scant month later, on the second day of the second month.

"A good day for a pair of swallow birds," ZiWei remarked as she helped with XiaoYanZi's rouge.

"Don't put on so much," XiaoYanZi complained, "I don't want it to look like a chicken's butt."

"XiaoYanZi!" Despite her exclamation, Qing-er laughed as she adjusted XiaoYanZi's headgear.

"And you won't need it much anyways," ZiWei murmured slyly.

XiaoYanZi blushed. Her sworn sister had been unusually frank about what she should expect.

ZiWei's smile was too understanding.

"Just think, ZiWei," XiaoYanZi said to distract herself, "we're going to become sister again."

"And you will most definitely secure your position as my jiejie."

ZiWei put down the rouge to allow Qing-er a chance to put the string of beads over XiaoYanZi's head.

"I thought you'd be more fidgety with all this extra getup." Qing-er noted.

XiaoYanZi just shrugged, "well, it's not my first time wearing red like this."

ZiWei laughed at the reminder, "but you won't be running away from the groom this time, I hope."

Qing-er, who had heard the story, also chuckled, "you'd get more gold and jewels if you completed the ceremony."

"No running away," XiaoYanZi's voice was uncharacteristically serious.

Her companions traded a look.

A knock sounded at the door.

"Brother, is it time?"

XiaoJian nodded.

JinSuo brought over the last item.

"Wait." XiaoYanZi reached out, holding ZiWei's hand in one hand and Qing-er's hand in the other, "it feels wrong, to be this happy."

"It is as it should be." ZiWei said softly.

XiaoYanZi took a deep breath and nodded, exchanging their hands for the apple in her lap.

Her last view, before her world became shrouded in red, was that of their smiling faces.

She let herself be led to the carriage and carefully entered it. She felt as she was lifted off the ground and heard as the music started. She was leaving ShuFangZhai, as SaiYa and then ZiWei had done. But, she was also taking ShuFangZhai with her for the emperor had indulgently agreed to let her servants follow her to RongQinWangFu. Unbidden, the song ZiWei sang for her rose in her mind. So many impossibilities, but somehow, somehow she was going towards Yongqi.

She could hear HuangAhMa's distinct laughter as she bowed.

"XiaoYanZi, you are now doubly zhen's daughter."

She smiled, even though he couldn't see it.

"ShuFangZhai will be so empty without you…"

She wasn't supposed to talk, she'd been coached to stay silent and demure, but she couldn't bear the wistfulness in his voice, "Of course I'll visit, HuangAhMa, I am your kaixingguo after all."

She heard him laugh again, "good."

She felt herself being led away through the corridors before she entered another chamber. She sat down on the bed and tried not to think of the other time she had been in that room. The silence was almost oppressive, after the bustling noises of the day. She hadn't realized she was humming until she heard the attendant cough.

"It's alright."

How had she missed his entrance?

She felt the bed dip as he sat next to her.

"You can keep humming if you wish."

She found, however, that her throat wouldn't obey. She heard clearly the instructions but still blinked as the cloth was removed from her head. She turned and there he was, smiling at her in a way that reminded her of her earlier words. It was surely wrong to feel so happy.

She found that she couldn't look away as they drank the wine; she was barely aware when the attendants all filed away and the door closed with a thump.

"What was the tune you were humming?"

"Something ZiWei had composed," she found her voice.

"Oh?"

She nodded, how silly of her to freeze as she had. "For when she had thought things were impossible for her and ErKang."

"Will you sing it for me?"

She nodded.

"I wish I had known it too," he murmured at the song's conclusion.

"Well, you do now," she said practically.

He smiled, "Yes."

"It helped me," she admitted, "When I thought I was doing the right thing."

He reached over and squeezed her hand before rising from the bed.

"Where are you going?" She asked curiously.

He just smiled at her again, "patience."

"You know that's not one of my strengths," she called after him.

He returned with a box in hand and settled next to her again.

"What is it?"

"Open it and see."

She frowned at the contents, it seemed just a mixture of odds and ends. "I don't understand."

He reached over and pulled out a pin, "this is from when you took ZiWei swimming in the summer palace."

He put the pin back and pulled out a jade bead, "this is from when you went to the monastery and remembered your youth. Your brother gave it to me. For some reason he thought you would lose it again."

She rolled her eyes at his teasing.

He smiled and reached for a rolled up scroll, "I asked ZiWei for a copy of the recipe of the cakes you made me."

"And here's…"

"I get it," she interrupted quietly.

"Just one more thing," he said softly as he found the arrow tip, "this is the reason for our meeting."

She took it from him and remembered, "why did you keep it?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly, "I just did."

She put the arrow tip back and closed the box, careful to make sure it latched properly. She then placed it on a side table before turning back to him, "it is possible."

"What?"

"For spring's breeze to blow in summer's rain and for autumn's moon to shine upon winter's snow." She slipped her hand into his.

"XiaoYanZi…"

"I'm not very good with words." She reminded him.

"But we don't need words, do we?"

Her eyes closed as his lips met hers. He was so gentle with her, but she had never been a very patient person.

"XiaoYanZi..." he whispered against her lips, feeling helpless as she deepened their kiss.

There were two thuds as their headgear both fell onto the floor, but neither bothered to look. He was much too caught up in the way she wrapped her arms about him. He let his lips trail down her throat again, delighting in hearing her moan again. And this time, this time he didn't have to stop.

"Why are there so many layers?" He muttered against her lips a little later, causing her to giggle.

They both sat up again, so that he could help her remove her outer-most layers.

She giggled again at his frown when he saw she had yet more layers underneath. "I always did complain that courtly dress was too complicated. And the fact that it's winter doesn't help."

He just made intelligible grumbles.

"Never mind," she said as she reached to unfastened the next layer herself, "surely your clothing is as complicated?"

It should have felt strange to undress in front of her, but he found that she approached her task in so brisk a manner, he felt only a sense of rightness.

"aww, you win," she muttered when she saw his bare torso for the first time, mostly to distract herself from the way her pulse had quickened.

She removed her last blouse with shaking hands and reached for the strings of her dudou only to have his hand stop her.

"Wait...let me."

Only then did her eyes widen and her cheeks flush. Still, she turned around, her back facing him, so that he could see the knots.

He was reminded then of something ZiWei had said about XiaoYanZi's childhood. There, on her back, were faint but still visible lines from punishments she had withstood.

XiaoYanZi trembled when she felt his fingertips trace her scars. She had almost forgotten they were there, "Yongqi…"

"Shhh...they're a part of you," he whispered, "and serve to remind me that you are one of the strongest people I know."

Her breathing stuttered as she felt his lips replace his fingertips. "Yongqi…"

He pulled at the strings then and saw her shiver as her bare skin met the air.

"Come here…" he said hoarsely.

She turned and he was careful to keep looking into her eyes, "you're right, it is winter."

He reached over and pulled shut the curtains around their bed. The light was dimmer, but he could still make out her features. "XiaoYanZi…"

He gathered her into his arms, his lips claiming hers again.

He let his hands wander, his mind carefully cataloguing the sounds she made.

"Yongqi…"

His fingers brushed over her nipples and she shuddered beneath him. He cupped a breast, marveling at how perfectly she fit in his hand.

XiaoYanZi felt a wildness grow within herself as his hands mapped out her skin. ZiWei had warned her that she would feel out of control, had told her that it was alright to trust her instincts. She had thought she understood, particularly after the last time he had kissed her. But she really had no idea. Feeling his skin press against her own without any barriers...no amount of advice from ZiWei could have prepared her for such intimacy.

His lips trailed down her neck again and, without clothing to block his way, they kept traveling. She gasped at the feel of his tongue on her nipples, first one, then the other. She whimpered when she felt the lightest scrape of teeth. "Yongqi…"

She could do nothing but mutter his name.

"Yes?"

She wet her lips as she looked down and met his eyes, "I…"

"Should I stop?"

"No!"

He grinned at the forcefulness of her reply before dipping his head again.

She squirmed beneath him. She was grateful for ZiWei's counsel, but knowing that her body's reactions were natural was very different from actually feeling them.

"Yongqi…"

He always did have a way of understanding her. He rose up so that he could look at her, his gaze sweeping her figure before meeting her wide eyes again.

"XiaoYanZi...do you still want me to take advantage?"

"Is it really taking advantage if I give you permission?"

He chuckled at both her reply and the genuinely curious look on her face.

"Hmmm, I suppose not."

He reached for her again, his hands tracing her skin at the edge of the last piece of her clothing.

"Yes," she whispered breathlessly in answer to the question in his eyes.

He allowed his fingertips to reach beneath the band, watching her expressions all the while. Slowly, he hooked his fingers and began pulling. She bit her lip, but could not altogether keep from whimpering as the fabric was removed. Holding her gaze, he let his hands wander again, back up the length of her legs, lingering at places whenever he felt her tremble at his touch.

"Yongqi!" her voice gained in loudness when he finally brushed against her center and flicked that special bud.

"Should I continue?"

Her expressive eyes were so wide as she stared up at him, "please."

He smiled a little, his confidence in his ability to please her growing. There had always been a certain level of comfort between the two of them, aided in part by XiaoYanZi's open nature and way of treating him as an individual and not merely as a prince. In the present circumstances, Yongqi marveled at the honesty of her responses. She squirmed and panted, not at all shy about showing the pleasure she felt. Her eyes had fluttered closed as he sped up the rhythm of his rubbing. Her hips tilted towards his touch of their own accord.

"Yongqi...I…" her face scrunched up suddenly before she let out a long, "oh!"

XiaoYanZi had some idea of what had just happened, but as her body continued to be overtaken by waves of shaking, she couldn't help but whimper at the conflicting feelings of fulfillment and longing. She opened her eyes to see Yongqi looking at her in concern even as his hand still cupped the most private part of her.

She smiled at him but did not yet feel ready to speak.

He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek as he laid down so as to spoon her. She let him adjust their positions as the tremors gradually faded.

She snuggled into his embrace, "that was…"

She felt him press a kiss to the nape of her neck. "Good?"

She turned, looking at him incredulously. Good couldn't even begin to describe what she felt and she told him as much. He smiled with no small amount of relief.

"Yongqi…" she bit her lip, "I…I want…"

"yes?"

She shook her head, her cheeks reddening. It felt too selfish to ask, after the pleasure he had just given her.

But as always, he was so patient with her as he caressed her cheek.

"I want to feel complete." She managed to say finally.

"Ah." He leaned forward, pressing a kiss against her lips before pulling away. She sat up and watched as he fumbled with his own pants, though she did not dare yet look at what was revealed.

He turned back towards her, marveling again at her beauty. Despite her flushed cheeks, she made no effort to hide her body from him. Well, he wouldn't either. Traditionally, the wedding night was about the bride giving herself up to the groom. But Yongqi felt surely the opposite was true as well. He reached for her hand, caressing the knuckles a little to calm her trembling.

"XiaoYanZi, it's alright to look."

She ducked her head, looking up at him through her lashes. Heavens, she could not know how provocative she looked in that moment.

"It's alright to touch too, if you wished." He was surprised that his voice sounded clear.

She nodded but still took a moment before looking downward. "Oh."

"Oh?"

"It's so...eager."

He chuckled at her word choice, "an accurate representation of the feelings of its owner."

"Oh," she said again before squeezing his hand. He tugged and placed her hand on himself.

"The skin is very soft," she whispered in surprise as her fingers closed around his shaft.

"Hmm…" he didn't dare make actual words, afraid he'd startle her by begging for her to tighten her grip and move.

He willed himself to stay still as she curiously traced him the tip with him with her other hand. "Very smooth," She murmured. "Does it hurt?"

He hadn't known he could grow harder. "No."

But something in his voice must have alerted her to the strain he was under.

"Yongqi...How do I…" how do I bring you pleasure, she wanted to ask, but didn't know how to say the words.

He closed his eyes when he felt her hand rub at the slit of him involuntarily.

Her eyes widened at the sound he had made. Oh.

And so she did it again, more deliberately, and was gratified at the shudder of his body. A bead of wetness coated her fingertip and she raised it to inspected it curiously.

"XiaoYanZi…" his eyes had opened again, his gaze holding such raw love and lust that she felt frozen in place.

He reached down and wrapped his hand about her own. He showed her what to do and she watched his reactions curiously. He collapsed back onto the sheets and she followed. She sat cross legged next to him and reached out with her other hand as well. He arched towards her touch when he felt both her hands enveloped around him. Her touch was inexperienced, but the very fact that it was her touching him in such a way...he was getting too close.

"XiaoYanZi, stop." He reached down and grasped a wrist.

"What's wrong?"

He smiled at her, "nothing, just...I didn't want it to be over so soon, not like this."

She tilted her head at him in question.

He reached and brushed a finger against her folds, still coated in dewy wetness.

She sucked in a breath at his touch.

He moved then, so that she was beneath him once more, "XiaoYanZi...let us complete each other."

She felt the tip of him at her entrance, felt as he rubbed against her, to coat himself in her wetness so as to ease his passage.

"Kiss me," she whispered.

He wasted no time and did as she bid.

Kissing was familiar, the feel of his lips, his tongue, his teeth claiming her own mouth reassuring as she felt her body stretch.

"XiaoYanZi…" he bit her lip as he pushed forward.

She whimpered at the dual sensation of pain, but he did not give her much time to dwell upon it as he soothed his bite with his tongue before plundering her mouth again.

She whimpered again as she felt him begin to move, though no longer because of pain. This, this was what was missing. The feeling of him around her, on her, in her...she could hear the sounds of moaning, wordless expressions of pleasure. She wasn't sure if it was he or she who made those noises, but she also knew that it didn't matter. She wrapped her legs about him, clinging to him in a way that felt so natural. She felt his hips stutter a moment, felt his lips part from hers.

She opened her eyes to look into his.

"XiaoYanZi." How much he adored her.

"Don't stop," she whispered, tilting her own hips towards his.

He sucked in a breath, "I love you."

She would have responded, but he chose that moment to sink in deep and she could only groan at the sensation.

"Yongqi…" she managed to gasp into his ear as she felt her control slipping away.

"I'm here," he managed to say before the contractions of her body robbed him of speech as well.

He stayed within her, shuddering with her as their bodies calmed from the pinnacle of pleasure.

"I love you too."

At her words, he opened his eyes.

She was smiling at him with such tenderness.

He bent to kiss her bruised lips softly before moving so as not to crush her.

"Wait."

He paused.

"Stay."

"XiaoYanXi, I'm not going anywhere," he reassured her.

"I know, just...a moment more?"

He nodded, holding himself steady with his arms.

"I like the feel of you inside me," she admitted.

"XiaoYanZi…"

"Should I not say such things?"

He shook his head, torn between chuckling and kissing her again, "you can say whatever you wish to when it's just the two of us."

"But not when we're among company."

"It is not a topic that is deemed permissible to discuss among company."

"Hmmm. I wouldn't wish to talk about it anyways," she declared.

"No?"

"It's so...private."

"Yes."

"But very, very good."

He did laugh this time. "I'm glad. Because I plan to keep practicing so as to get even better."

"With me?"

"Of course with you. No one else is foolish enough to marry a dying man."

"Yongqi…"

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head before smiling determinedly, "well you're foolish too."

"Oh?"

"For wanting a barren wife." So there! Her gaze said plainly.

He laughed again before giving in to the urge to kiss her again.

"Yongqi…" she pulled at him.

"I don't want to crush you."

"I'm not so frail," she murmured, "I just want to be as close to you as I can."

"Hang on." He twisted so that their positions were switched and pulled the comforter over her back.

She snuggled close, her head on his chest. He kisses her hair and rubbed her back soothingly.

"Thank you."

"Hmmm?"

"For marrying me."

She pressed a kiss to his chest in response.

"Yongqi." She said a moment later.

"Yes?"

"How did you know what to do?"

"What do you mean?"

She lifted her head, "tonight, how did you know what to do?"

"Ah. I've been reading."

"They write books about this?"

"Surprisingly yes."

"Oh." She tilted her head, "can I read them?"

"Do you want to?"

She shrugged, "why not?"

"I must warn you that they come with illustrations that can be rather shocking."

"Oh." she thought for a moment, "I'd like to see, nonetheless."

"Alright." His hand went to her hair, running through the strands.

"Well?"

"What?" He paused as he felt her shift again.

"The books."

"Now?" He looked at her incredulously.

"Why not?"

He opened his mouth to reply but then caught himself. Right, why not then?

He left the warmth of the bed briefly, shivering a little at the chill that greeted him outside the safety of the curtains.

"Your toes are cold!" She complained when he returned and burrowed beneath the blankets.

"Well if you weren't so impatient…"

"You could have gotten dressed."

"Someone had complained that formal dress was too complicated."

When she didn't reply, he turned to look at her.

She was staring intently at the pages as she flipped through them, her eyes wide. Her first instinct, when she had opened a random page, was to slam the book shut and fling it as far away from herself as she could. She was glad she hadn't. As she perused the pages, she could feel her cheeks grow warm again. He was right in that the illustrations were certainly explicit. So much so that she didn't bother to read the words.

"XiaoYanZi?"

"You read this book?"

He nodded, "there are passages dedicated to informing about ways to pleasure a woman."

"Oh." She flipped through a few more pages. "Did you intend to practice all of these with me?"

He chuckled, "no...I'm quite certain some of the positions aren't actually feasible."

"Oh...do you have any favorites?"

"What?"

She gnawed on her lip, "ones you've wanted to try?"

"XiaoYanZi…"

"You're more knowledgeable than I am about most things. I admire that about you. And that day, watching LaoFoYe judge all those young ladies...I just want to be a worthy wife to you."

"Oh XiaoYanZi." There was a vulnerability to her that had always been so precious to him. Her time as HuanZhuGeGe had made her more mature, but at her core, the fear that she wasn't good enough still flickers at times.

"I don't need you to be anything other than who you are, including in the marriage bed. Whatever we do, I want you to enjoy it too. Books like this one, they're very well for inspiration, but I would rather share with you what comes naturally."

"Yongqi…I...it's unfair to you. You can speak so eloquently."

"If I needed you to tell me that I was important to you, I wouldn't deserve you."

"Yongqi…" she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, "You are important to me."

"I know."

She handed him the book, "still...I am curious."

He turned to the right page and showed it to her, "there were so many times in the past when I wished I could hold on to you, just have you stay in my arms."

"Yongqi…"

He smiled at her, "I know, I'm a sentimental fool."

She shook her head, "no, not at all."

She studied the illustrations a moment more before closing the book and placing it out of the way. She moved so that she could straddle his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck for balance. She smiled down at him, "I'm taller than you for once."

He chuckled even as his arms went about her waist. He lowered his head to press a kiss to the scar above the swell of her breast, "I seem to have managed to catch a xiao yan zi, what should I do with her?"

"Whatever you wish." She declared daringly.

"In that case…" he reached down and pressed his finger against her, ensuring that she was well lubricated before pressing inward.

"Yongqi…"

He looked up at her, at the way she was biting her lip. "You don't have to be quiet."

She moaned in response.

"I want to know when I'm making you feel good."

"You are." She panted.

"Good."

"Let me…" she gasped when he hooked his finger, hitting a whole new spot within her, "Yongqi…"

"Yes?"

She squirmed, "Let me please you too."

"You are. Seeing you like this, getting to hold you, touch you, hear you like this...XiaoYanZi, you can't know how much it pleases me."

She moaned again at the way his words affected her.

He let another finger join the first, "you're so tight…"

"Just for you."

"Yes." The jolt of possessiveness came suddenly, "all mine."

He set about claiming her, pulling his fingers out but giving her little reprieve as he slid his member inside her. "So good, XiaoYanZi."

She nodded, a look of concentration on her face as she matched his rhythm. He couldn't help but reach up and trace her lips. Her tongue reached out and tentatively licked at his fingertips.

He made a guttural sound that seemed to encourage her as she brought his fingers into her mouth and sucked.

His other arm tightened about her. She was so naturally good at this, at stripping away all his learned politeness until he could only answer the basic needs within himself. He could feel himself hurtling towards his finish and relished in the lack of control she had unleashed in him.

"XiaoYanZi…"

She slowed as she felt him shake in her arms, licked her lips as she let his finger slip out from between them. She held him to her, feeling her heart swell with love. As erotic as the drawing in the book had been, it could not capture the emotions that crashed over her as he shuddered against her and panted against her skin.

"You are amazing." He whispered, his eyes still closed.

She smiled at his praise.

"Really," he gazed at her with such devotion.

"I think I understand now."

"Understand what?"

"Why SaiYa picked a fight with me and how possessive ErKang is of ZiWei."

"Oh?"

She nodded, "You are mine."

He shuddered at the vehemence of her tone, "Yes."

"And I am yours," she added.

"Say that again," he looked at her pleadingly.

"I am yours," she repeated.

"XiaoYanZi…" he hugged her close. He could feel her kiss the curve of his ear. He also felt her shiver as the heat from their activities dissipated.

He pulled at the blankets surrounding them and moved so that they could cuddle beneath the coverings.

"I'm afraid to go to sleep," she murmured.

"Why?"

"I'm afraid that this will all prove just a dream."

"You have very...interesting...dreams."

She looked up at him, but her glare was only half hearted.

He tapped her on the nose, "Hmm, more likely that you've somehow managed to enter into one of my dreams."

"You dreamt of such things?"

"At the risk of offending you...yes."

"I'm not offended."

"No?"

Her voice was so very matter of fact, "I want you in the same way. I simply lacked the knowledge of what it would entail."

"XiaoYanZi…"

"What?"

What had he done to deserve her? "You can be good with words."

She lowered her head to his chest again and sighed contently.

"Rest well now, I'll still be here when you wake."

She nodded and let the soothing sensation of his fingers in her hair lull her to sleep.

He laid awake a few moments longer, feeling as her body relaxed against his and listening as her breathing evened out. She was usually such a whirlwind of activity that this stillness as she lay in his arms was all the sweeter.

He knew they had limited time but the uncertainty no longer bothered him. As long as she was by his side, he would do whatever it took to make the time as long as possible. He smiled at the realization that she would not stand for anything else.

Like her, he was afraid that when he woke, it would all prove a dream and he'd have only a box of trinkets to emphasize his loneliness. She stirred a little and his gaze caught on the bracelet around her wrist. He had meant it as a way to bind her to him, though it would not occur to her to think of it in such a way. That she still wore it, despite everything...if it was all a dream, he hoped he never had to wake.

But blessedly, it wasn't a dream. He woke with her name on his lips.

She giggled at him as his eyes opened, "good morning!"

"Did you kiss me until I woke up?"

She nodded, "I was going to tickle you, but I decided that you looked way too adorable for me not to kiss you."

"Adorable? Need I remind you that I'm a QinWang?"

She giggled again as she repeated, "adorable."

She squealed as she felt his hands at her waist, "stop!"

"I think tickling is a great idea," he declared unrepentantly.

"Yongqi!"

Somehow, he found himself hovering over her again. His own laughter died in his throat as memory of the prior night caught up with him.

"Yongqi?" She had managed to catch her breath.

"It wasn't a dream."

"Did you want it to be?"

He shook his head, "no." He bent down and captured her lips with his own.

"Just making sure," he murmured when he parted from her.

She grinned at him before putting a hand to her stomach as it gurgled, "I'm hungry."

He laughed and rolled off her. Sitting up at the edge of their bed, he held out his hand, "breakfast it is, I can't have it be said that I've starved you on our first day as husband and wife."

When she didn't take his hand right away, he frowned a little, "XiaoYanZi?"

"We got married." She said, suddenly looking a little shell-shocked.

"Yes."

"I'm your wife."

"Yes."

She stared at him for a long before a big smile broke over her face. Taking his hand, her enthusiasm returning, she declared, "breakfast."

"After we get dressed."

She blinked for a moment.

"It's cold," he said.

"Yes…" her hand released his, her eyes averted.

"We are married," he reminded her.

"Yes…"

He had never seen her look so shy. He leaned close to her ear, "and the sooner we eat, the sooner we can get undressed again so I can remind you."

"Yongqi!"

She moved to shove him but he was ready for her and held her hand firmly in his own. He pressed a kiss to her lips, "you can't take back the permission you granted."

She pouted but did not attempt to draw away.

He couldn't help but kiss her again. When his own stomach grumbled, he pulled away and laughed, "Alright, breakfast."

Contrary to his words, he did not take her to bed again, though the thought was truly tempting. Instead, he asked MingYue to bring her cloak.

"Are we going somewhere?"

"Well, I thought that as RongQinWangFei, you would wish to survey your domain."

"RongQinWangFei?"

"Yes. Unless you prefer to remain HuanZhuGeGe? HuangAhMa agreed that you would get to decide."

She waited until MingYue withdrew before saying, "ZiWei had said that getting married is akin to beginning a new chapter of life. As such...I think I'd like to be RongQinWangFei."

"Good," he grinned at her.

She grinned back, "alright, stop being so po po ma ma."

She laughed when she saw her qiuqian in a secluded corner of the gardens.

"You didn't have to move it."

"I wanted you to feel at home."

"Oh you silly, anywhere you are is home."

"Oof." She barely had time to make a surprised noise before his lips met hers.

"What was that for?"

"Just because I can."

She shook her head at him, "had I known how often you'd take advantage, I might not have given you permission."

"Hmmm...but I can be very persuasive…"

She shuddered and not from the wintry chill, as he let his lips wander.

"Yongqi…" he had backed her up against one of the posts of the swing.

"Hmmm?"

"We're in the gardens."

"I know, but I find you simply irresistible."

She whimpered as his lips met hers again, "Yongqi...stop."

He pulled away from her reluctantly, "what's wrong?"

"Hu Tai Yi said you shouldn't linger long out in the cold."

"I don't feel cold."

The way he was looking at her, she felt flushed as well. "Still...I moved here to ensure you take care of yourself. I can't fail at it the very first day."

"Is that the only reason you moved here?"

"Yongqi…"

She was grateful when he took a step backwards with a sigh. She really couldn't think clearly when he was so close.

She reached for his hand, "you know that's not the only reason."

He took deep breaths to calm himself before giving her hand a squeeze, "I know."

"Where to next?" She asked him with forced brightness.

"How about the painting studio?"

"You paint?"

He nodded.

"How did I not know this about you?"

He chuckled, "it's a hobby in which I rarely have time to indulge, particularly lately."

"But if you've got a studio…"

"Wishful thinking, perhaps."

"Well, come on, show me."

He called for a servant to bring heating to warm up the room. While waiting, XiaoYanZi looked around curiously.

"Who's that?" She glanced up at the painting of a lady dressed in courtly attire hidden in a back corner.

"My E Niang."

"Oh."

He had come to her side. "She passed away when I was twelve."

"She looks sad."

"I rarely saw her smile," Yongqi admitted.

"She must have been very proud of you."

"She often said that I was the one bright spot in her life."

XiaoYanZi made a sympathetic noise, "she makes me think of ZiWei's mother."

"The difference is that HuangAhMa cared for ZiWei's mother. Whereas he was only indifferent to mine."

"But the very fact that you exist…"

He looked at her sadly, "Huang Ah Ma is not obliged to care for his wives and concubines."

"Oh." XiaoYanZi didn't quite know what to do with such information.

"He is a good father, a great ruler, but…" Yongqi didn't complete his thought, for it could be misconstrued as treason.

"I'm glad you're not like that."

"I could have been."

She shook her head, "no."

"I would have learned to be." He said quietly.

She didn't want to admit that he was right. "Not anymore though. You've got me now."

He smiled a little at her, "Yes."

"Do you think your E Niang would have liked me?"

"Probably not."

"Why not?" She looked offended.

"She would have seen you as a stumbling stone in the path she envisioned for me."

"Oh." She wrinkled her nose, "she sounds like HuangHouNiangNiang."

"To be HuangAhMa's son is to face such realities from day one."

She shook her head before turning to him seriously. "Yongqi...did you want to be...to be…" she waved her hand vaguely.

"I think at one point or another, every prince entertains the idea."

"Oh."

"But then I met you."

"So your E Niang would have been right."

He shook his head, "no. You merely showed me that I had a choice."

"I tried to keep you from having to make one."

"And I appreciate it."

She looked up at the painting again, "I would like to think that she would have wanted you to be happy."

"Happiness would have been a foreign concept to her."

At her sound of distress, he turned away from the painting, "But fortunately, because of you, it is not for me."

"Yongqi…"

The sound of the door opening made her jump slightly. She turned to watch as servants filed into the room with heaping bowls of coal.

"Oh, thank you!" She walked away from the painting and closer to the main part of the room.

The various eunuchs looked up at her, surprised at being addressed directly.

She took a hand warmer from one and shoved it at her husband before taking the second one for herself. In doing so, she missed the slight look the eunuchs traded with one another. Yongqi's lips quirked as he watched her asking them all sorts of questions about their names and hometowns and service time in RongQinWangFu as well as their likes and dislikes.

"XiaoYanZi," he cleared his throat, "you should let them get back to their duties."

"Oh! I'm sorry. Thank you again for the coal!"

The servants bowed out and closed the door behind them.

"You are going to be the cause for much discussion."

"What did I do?"

Yongqi's lips quirked again, "the servants who attend to me personally I brought over from JinYangGong, but the bulk of the others are relatively new. They have never served anyone like you."

"What do you mean?"

"You thanked them."

"Yes."

"For doing their jobs."

"Well, it's cold out for them too."

He laughed, "how I love you."

She looked at him, still bewildered.

"Could I paint you?"

"Now?" She blinked at the sudden change in topic.

"Why not?"

"What should I do?"

"Nothing, just stand there."

"I'll feel so awkward."

"Then just talk to me."

"About what?"

"Anything."

She watched as he gathered supplies, "can I help?"

He shook his head as he mixed the ink, "I think I'll just make a simple sketch today."

She nodded, looking around the room for inspiration of a topic. Her gaze fell upon the yellow vase in a corner, "I used to have a dog named Big Yellow because, well, because he was big and yellow. I don't remember a lot, but Shitai has told me stories of the scrapes we got into. I wasn't a particularly well behaved child, you see."

He chuckled.

She smiled as well before continuing to tell him about the happier years of her childhood.

She stopped when she saw him put down the brush, "can I see?"

At his nod, she joined him behind the desk.

"What do you think?"

"You've made me look too pretty."

"It's how I see you."

"Yongqi…"

"I can't quite capture the way your eyes sparkle when you're amused, or the animated nature of your hands when you try to make a story come to life."

"Yongqi…"

"Or how you simply exude excitement when you…"

"Yongqi, stop talking."

"What?"

She held his face in her hands and kissed him deeply.

"What was that for?" he whispered.

"Because I could," she replied impishly.

He laughed as he pulled her close, "I really am so very happy."

"Then I must make sure you have more opportunities to paint."

"It's not just painting."

"No?"

"No. It's the subject of my painting."

"Yongqi…"

"It's you."

"I used to be so impatient, when ErKang and ZiWei would stare at or whisper sweet nothings to each other."

"And now?"

"And now, I could melt into a puddle with the words you say."

"It'd be dreadful if you melted."

"Oh?"

He nodded, "then who would listen to my babbling?"

She chuckled, "You have plenty of servants who have to do your bidding."

"Hmmm, but no XiaoYanZi, and that would be a sad state of affairs."

She laughed at his mock look of despair.

"Besides," he smiled at her, "if you melted, I wouldn't be able to do this."

He kissed her again, intent on resuming what she had interrupted when they had been in the gardens. She let him push her up against the nearest wall, not bothering to check him or herself.

"I love that I can do this now," he murmured.

"Do what?"

He smiled a little at the dazed look on her face, "Kiss you just because I want to."

"Oh."

He was close enough to see her pupils dilate and feel the change in her breathing.

"XiaoYanZi…" after controlling himself around her for so long, the sudden lack of need to moderate his behavior was intoxicating.

He reached to undress her, grateful that her everyday clothing was simpler than her attire the previous night.

She bit her lip as she squirmed, "Yongqi...we're not in our rooms."

"The entire estate is ours," he murmured, noting that despite her words, she gave no resistance as he pulled clothing from her body, "and I find that I have need of you."

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now."

The way he looked at her...she had never seen such an expression of determination on his face. Leastwise, not directed at her in such a way. She could feel clothing gather around her feet and shivered when she felt the coldness of the wall against her bare back. Still, she gave little protest when he lifted her into his arms and made his way towards the settee in the room.

His gaze traveled the length of her body, making her feel even more flushed. She should have been more embarrassed at being so bare in front of him, but she found that she only felt a mounting sense of anticipation. To distract herself, she reached out to undress him as well.

He helped her remove his own layers before reaching out to run his hands over her skin. "So beautiful…"

She shivered, suddenly feeling like the deer that he had been aiming for on the hunting grounds where they had first crossed paths.

He pressed his fingers against her, "XiaoYanZi...you're already so ready for me."

She moaned in response as he settled into position.

"So incredible…" he murmured as he pushed in fully.

Maybe she should have fought him more, rather than let him have his way with her. The other ladies LaoFoYe would have picked for him probably would have been far more modest and proper about such activities. Yet as he murmured praises into her ear and against her skin, as she felt the sensation of being made whole again, she couldn't find it in herself to behave as convention dictated she ought.

"Yongqi…" she gasped into his ear, too caught up in the feelings he was stirring in her to be able to continue thinking straight.

"XiaoYanZi…" he whispered back, his own coherence becoming lost as the sound of her whimpers filled his ears.

He held on to her afterwards, feeling the tremors recede from her body.

She felt him kiss her eyelids gently; she hadn't even been aware she had closed her eyes until then. "Yongqi…" she opened her eyes to gaze into his.

"Yes?"

"ZiWei's right."

"About what?"

"I am a bad influence."

"How do you mean?"

"I often let my impulsivity get the better of myself and leap without thinking."

"Hmmm, and you think I've been impulsive?"

"Well…"

He chuckled, "My desire for you has been a constant companion for so long that I find myself needing assurance that I no longer have to hide it."

"Yongqi…" she bit her lip.

"Yes?"

She wished she was better with words. Instead, she could only press her lips to his, connecting their bodies in yet another way.

He leaned his forehead against hers, "besides, a little bit of spontaneity makes life more interesting. I learned that lesson from you."

He trailed his lips from her neck to the scar on her chest.

"I like to think that even then, I was marking my claim," he murmured against her skin. Her body, already sensitized from their prior activities, arched into his at such words.

"I know," he continued as his finger made a circling pattern over her breast, leading towards but not touching the peak, "that you should be allowed to roam free, instead of being caged. But I am selfish and need you at my side."

"Yongqi…" she didn't think of herself as a prisoner. Yes, she had bulked at the rules of her new home in the beginning and still retained a willful aborrence for fussiness, but it had been long since she thought about running away. "ZiWei had called us a pair of yanzi (swallow birds). Together, we're nesting."

He made a sound that was halfway a sigh and a moan, "XiaoYanZi…"

His lips closed about her nipple and she found her hands clutching at him. She pulled on his braid in silent insistence that he switch his attention to her other breast. She could feel them both tingle from his attention and made a sound of disappointment when he drew away to look down at her.

When had his eyes gotten so dark? He kissed her again, making her gasp with his forcefulness. She felt the intrusion of his tongue into her own mouth and moaned. She could also feel the hardness of him against her hip and was reminded that he had yet to reach his pleasure. A sudden image of one of the pictures she had seen in his book flashed into her mind. Gathering her strength, she flipped their positions so that she straddled him, his hardness cradled between her thighs.

"Do I get to make my claim too?"

She used her lips to mark him, copying the way his lips had mapped out her skin. His nipples were smaller and flatter than hers, she noted, but they also hardened at her attentions. She sneaked a glance upwards at his face and was rewarded with a slight smile as he watched her. She moved her body so that she could kiss her way down his torso. Giving a kiss to his left hip, she felt him shift. After kissing the right hip, she heard him give voice to a moan.

She raised her head again to see his hands clenched into fists as he stared at her with hooded eyes. She ducked her head to look at his hardness, reaching out with a finger to trace its length. It was soft and yet so very solid at the same time. She gripped the base and experimentally kissed the tip.

"XiaoYanZi...you don't have to…"

She paid him no mind as she let her lips envelope the tip of him.

"XiaoYanZi!" He squeezed his hands tight to prevent himself from reaching out and pushing himself deeper into her mouth.

She thought back to the pictures, regretting that she hadn't read the words after all. Shrugging a little, she decided to experiment and sucked. The sound he made startled her and she popped him out of her mouth to ensure that he was well.

"XiaoYanZi...please…"

She waited a breath but he didn't complete his thought. And so, she turned back to the project at hand. Instead of taking him into her mouth, she licked the bulb of him. It was so very soft and smooth. She paused as a bead of saltiness met her tongue. Pulling away slightly, she used her fingertip to trace the slit and then licked her fingertip. It was the same saltiness. Hmmm. She closed her lips about him again, this time moving down further as she had seen in the book.

Yongqi couldn't help it anymore and his hands found their way into her hair. He didn't mean to press but she sank further down his shaft anyways. He tugged at her head and together they set a pace.

"XiaoYanZi...I need…" it was too much, too good.

She pulled her lips off him and moved to straddle him again, she reached down and pressed him against her before sinking downward.

What could he do but groan and buck up against her?

She pushed on his chest for balance as he gripped her hips, trying to show her the rhythm he wanted. She kept it slow, just watching his expression as he bucked beneath her.

She had thought at one time that falling in love and getting married meant a loss of power. She had never been so glad to be wrong. She had submitted to him, yes, and quite willingly so she thought with flushed cheeks, but he also submitted to her.

"XiaoYanZi...please…"

She ground down on him in response, finally following the rate he had communicated. She was pretty sure he whimpered in response.

"Almost…"

She could feel the shifts of his body and bore down on him with renewed fervor. Her efforts were rewarded when he gave a loud moan as he emptied into her. She rested then, still connected to him, and took a moment to catch her own breath.

"I can learn from books too," she murmured when his eyes opened.

He chuckled in reply.

She climbed off him, pausing as she felt wetness drip down her inner thigh, "Oh."

He reached and handed her the first piece of clothe his hand touched.

"I can't use your shirt," she protested.

"I have other shirts."

"I've got a handkerchief, somewhere."

As she looked about, he stood and rummaged through the pile of her clothing before returning and using the piece of silk to wipe at her.

"Yongqi…"

"Hmm?"

She didn't have the words, could only shiver at the feel of the cloth.

"There. I hope you were not too attached to the handkerchief."

She just shook her head even as she closed her legs. She wondered again that she did not feel more awkward being bare with him.

"Yongqi…" she tried again.

"Hmmm?"

She stared into his eyes, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with a need to tell him. "I love you."

His expression softened as he cupped her cheek, "and I love you. So very much."

"It ought to frighten me," she admitted.

"What should?"

"Just...you, this, us…"

"Are you frightened?"

"I..." she frowned a little, "not exactly."

He waited patiently.

"Just...That night...you asked me what you meant to me, and I...I was scared then…"

"And now?"

"And now...it still makes me breathless but not because I'm scared."

He pressed a kiss to her brow, "it'll be a learning experience for both of us. I'm sure we'll still fight about silly things and have moments when we need our own time and space. But as you said, we're nesting. This estate, it was merely a residence. Now that you're here, we can make it a home."

She nodded before reaching for her underclothing, "we should dress, before we shock the servants some more."

He laughed, "you did admit to being a bad influence."

She tossed him his own shirt none too gently.

He laughed again even as he pulled it on, "but then, I am not altogether blameless; I am far too easily tempted by you."

She paused in buttoning up her shirt, "As your wife, I ought to be all that is accommodating."

"Yes, you ought to be." He wrapped an arm about her waist and brought her close.

She stared at him with startled eyes before she caught her breath and moved out of his grasp to reach for another piece of clothing, "but what would be the fun in that?"

He laughed again, "indeed."

A little later, she let him fasten the ties of her cloak for her, "where to next?"

"I feel a temptation," he murmured into her ear before stepping away, "to take you in every room of the estate."

She blushed but then hit his arm, "be serious."

"What makes you think I'm not?"

"I…" she took a further step away from him, the better to clear her mind, "it would shock everyone, to know that beneath Rong QinWang's fancy and proper facade, you are but a slave to your baser instincts."

"Ah, who but you will ever find out this truth?"

She fidgeted as he bridged the gap between them again, "Yongqi…"

"Yes, XiaoYanZi?"

She broke eye contact before he could kiss her and pushed the door open. Taking advantage of the sudden effect of a cold draft, she crossed over the threshold and made to race down the corridor.

"Do you know where you're going?"

Hearing his yell, she turned back to laugh at him, "not really, but that's the adventure of it!"

He caught up and reached to grasp her hand, "well then, pick a direction."

Her grin broadened, "you don't mind me disrupting your planned tour?"

"I've known you too long not to expect it."

She laughed again, "that way then."

He let her tug him in the direction she had chosen. He had meant what he said. Her raw sensuality, her natural responsiveness to him, and her lack of shyness when it came to such intimacies did make him want to test out the bounds of her curiosity. But, he decided as she led him in random turns about the estate, such things could wait. For now, he simply wished to bask in her infectious excitement at the opportunity to explore her new home.

She dropped his hand on seeing a strange structure.

"What is it?"

"An armillary."

"A what?"

He smiled a little at her adorable look of confusion before explaining the function of the instrument.

"Am I boring you?" He stopped suddenly on realizing that she had been rather quiet.

She shook her head, "no."

"Still, you did not need such a detailed description."

She shrugged, "I like listening to you talk about things you enjoy. I may not understand all of it, but it's nice seeing you all animated."

"I could teach you to understand."

"I'm usually hopeless at such things."

"I think you underestimate your abilities."

"Maybe another time," she deflected.

"Come on." He pulled on her hand.

"Where are you taking me?"

He just grinned at her as he pushed open a nearby door.

She picked up the piece of paper from the desk with furrowed brows. Turning it upside down, she frowned. "What should I be seeing?"

"Stars."

He took the paper from her and righted it again, "and constellations."

She listened attentively as he shared his knowledge.

"I can see why you like it." She observed when he took a break.

"Hmmm?"

"You get to make order out of chaos."

He thought for a moment; she wasn't wrong. "But chaos can be beautiful too. Especially when you're the source."

"Hey!" She swatted at him, causing him to laugh.

"I'm glad to have a splash of chaos in my otherwise orderly world. It makes everything more lively and more real."

"And I suppose order isn't all bad," she murmured as she looked at the star chart again.

He smiled before tugging on her hand again.

"Where to now?"

"I don't know about you, but all this walking about has made me hungry."

She laughed and followed at his side.

Before they arrived back at their quarters, however, he took a small detour.

"Why did you stop?"

"Look there."

She could just make out a clump of what looked like mud and straw hidden under the eaves of a corner of one of the buildings.

"I'm hopeful the swallow birds will return to the same nest this year."

She impulsively pressed a kiss to his cheek in response.

"What?"

"So sentimental," she murmured before tugging on his hand, "Come on, I'm hungry."

"Do you know where you're going?" He asked again.

"I have an excellent sense of direction."

He chuckled.

"You don't believe me?" She lifted her free arm, "we need to go that way, through one more walkway and past the pond, then a turn left to get back."

"Bravo!"

She preened, causing him to laugh.

"Well, come on!"

He spared a last look at the waiting nest before he let her pull him forward again. "Alright, alright!"

"Proper ladies, particularly wives of QingWang's, aren't supposed to run, you know."

She rolled her eyes at him as MingYue took their cloaks, "I've learned to be proper when I need to be, but I refuse to pretend in the privacy of my own home."

He smiled as they sat down for their meal, "you misunderstood me."

"Hmmm?" She was focused on putting food into his bowl.

"I'm glad you're not proper."

She paused and raised an eyebrow at him, "don't let LaoFoYe hear you say that."

"Well she's not here."

"Hmm...go on, start eating."

He nodded and picked up his chopsticks. He noticed that she didn't begin her own meal until he had taken a few bites of his own. He smiled to himself. She was not quite the XiaoYanZi he had originally met, nor the same as the one with whom he initially fell in love. But then, he was no longer the same Yongqi either. They would probably both continue to change. No matter what the future held, no matter how long their future was to last, they would face everything together.

"Eat!"

He grinned again before doing as he was told. Yes, he could definitely get used to her bossiness.