Musings

by snowberryrose

Stories and reflections that come to me as I watch and re-watch HZGG, including the newest version

27. Honor

Honor: in which the emperor is not the only man who loved XiaYuHe

DuanYong was the younger son of a prosperous merchant family in the JiNan area. His older brother was saddled with the responsibility of family business and he became responsible for the family ambition of gaining more respectability. And so, starting at a young age, he was taken to the Xia estate in hopes that the most well known scholar in the region could help him on that path.

DuanYong did not disappoint as a student. Though he would be hard pressed to say, if asked, whether it was his family's expectations or his teacher's kindness that motivated him more. Old man Xia was a strict master, but he was truly learned. DuanYong not only learned philosophy and history and literature, but also a certain way of life and behavior. As he grew older, he came to realize a third factor in his own efforts to become the star pupil.

Old man Xia and his wife had only a single child, a daughter. And DuanYong loved her. At first he thought it was as an older brother loved a younger sister. But, as the years passed and YuHe blossomed into a beautiful young lady, DuanYong realized that the feelings he held for her were not so simple. YuHe was as clever as she was beautiful. Despite her mother's admonition, her father taught her as he would any son. YuHe was also graceful, her skills with the guqin without parallel.

DuanYong thought she was perfect. As did other young men who came under her father's tutelage. But they all respected old man Xia and treated YuHe as a true lady. And she was always kind and sweet to all of them, never showing any favoritism. DuanYong promised himself that when he succeeded in the yearly national exam and gained a position, he would request to marry her. He could tell, when old man Xia gave him his own prized brush for his journey, that his master understood and was giving his quiet approval.

He couldn't tell though, what YuHe felt. She had wished him luck, her smile as encouraging and sweet as ever. And that was his last memory of her.

He did well enough on the exam that he was given a position in the capital right away. He wrote home of his accomplishment and smiled at reading his master's words of praise. He didn't hear from YuHe, but then he didn't expect to. It wasn't proper for them to write each other. Within six months, he received a surprising promotion and became the personal secretary to FuDaRen of Xue Shi Fu.

"DuanYong," his immediate supervisor had said, "you were chosen for your reputation of honesty, discreetness, and dependability. Fu Da Ren is among the rare breed of noblemen who still value those traits. Do not disappoint him."

DuanYong had easily given his promise.

Fu Da Ren did prove a kind and upstanding master for whom to work and DuanYong wrote home again of his satisfaction that he could continue to keep true to the values old man Xia had taught.

Another year passed before he was given leave to visit his family.

He returned to JiNan, full of anticipation at seeing YuHe again. Despite the success he had gained, however, he was still scared that she would refuse his suit. He knew that she wasn't the type to value material wealth, she was truly her father's daughter and would surely look for more in a husband. He hoped she found him up to par.

He spent the first day with his family, letting them fuss over him. But his thoughts and heart were elsewhere.

He went to see his old teacher the very next day, at an hour that was barely polite. But he needed to see her.

He physically staggered at the words old man Xia shared with him.

No, she couldn't be dead. Not his YuHe.

"I don't believe you."

Old man Xia looked so frail, leaning on a cane that he had never had the use for in the past, "DuanYong...I know you had hoped to...but…"

"Take me to her."

"What?"

"I need to see. Teacher, please…"

Old man Xia sighed and call for a servant, "very well. You will forgive me if I don't accompany you...I can't…"

"I understand."

He knelt in front of her grave, traced his fingers over the carving of her name. "YuHe…" he didn't know what to say to her. Even had he known, he couldn't have made another sound, for his was certain he would scream if he opened his mouth. The words on the stone blurred and he raised a finger to his face. Young men ought not cry, the sight of tears were seen as a sign of weakness. But...he felt so very hollow and just let the tears fall.

He returned to the Xia resident, his shoulders slumped. His teacher squeezed his shoulder in understanding.

"I am very proud of you, DuanYong, and, had things been different, would have been proud to call you son-in-law."

"Teacher…" he thought to ask after a moment, "how did she die?"

A shadow passed over his teacher's face, "I would not like you to think less of her."

"I couldn't."

Old man Xia looked at his earnest expression and sighed. "She died...shortly after childbirth."

"What?"

"Who would...who hurt her?" His hands clenched into fists.

"She told me that she wasn't forced against her will...although, a man like that...she couldn't have said no even had she wished to."

The latter part was muttered quietly, but DuanYong heard anyways.

"Teacher?"

Old man Xia sighed. "Had it been anyone else, I may have been able to protect my YuHe, but it wasn't just anyone."

He fell silent as he sank into a chair, "I curse the fact that it had rained that day…"

"He said he would come back for my YuHe and like a fool, I believed him. I thought him an honorable liege. And even as the light faded from her eyes, my YuHe voiced regret that she would not see him one last time. He stole her from me, but I can do nothing."

"But I can. Teacher, tell me who it is. I will give her justice."

"You cannot."

"I will find a way…"

"You cannot." Old man Xia looked so broken, "you don't understand DuanYong."

"For YuHe, I can."

Old man Xia shook his head, "I will not have you throw away your future by confronting the emperor with this!"

"What did you say?" DuanYong gaped at his mentor.

"He was touring the region, incognito. I offered him shelter and in return, he told me the truth. I thought it such an honor until...until I learned my YuHe was with child. I knew he admired her but I thought that he would honor me and my hospitality...and she, my foolish child, she claimed that she loved him. What does she know about love?"

DuanYong's heart sank. Of course. A woman as lovely as YuHe, who else but the emperor himself could match her?

"I should have told her to go with him. No matter how it would have looked. But instead...we couldn't hide the existence of her child forever. Her reputation was ruined and with it, so was mine. We are shunned by our neighbors."

"Why did you not tell everyone the truth?"

"Who would believe us? Besides, I gave my word. Despite what he did to my YuHe, I cannot forget that I am his subject."

"And the child?"

"The child...she looks so much like YuHe did, even as a babe…"

"The child survives?"

"I wish I could hate her, hate her father, but I...she is the only thing I have of YuHe left."

"Could I see her?"

Old man Xia nodded and summoned the nursemaid.

DuanYong looked down into the peaceful face of the child. "What's her name?"

"ZiWei, after the flowers that bloomed at the time of her birth. YuHe named her."

"ZiWei…"

As though the child heard, her eyes opened and she cooed before smiling at him.

DuanYong's heart lurched at the sight. Yes, this child is all that was left of YuHe. His fists clenched again as he turned towards his mentor.

"Teacher, I wish to marry YuHe."

"What?"

"I will give her back her respectability and you back your honor."

"DuanYong…"

"As for ZiWei...I will not have YuHe's daughter grow up and bear the burden of her mother's perceived shame...I will tell everyone she's mine. I will bear this responsibility."

"DuanYong…"

"It is the least I can do for your tutelage and support. Please, Teacher…"

"But your honor…"

"Can beat this. It's a scandal, yes, but I can bear it. Besides, I will be in BeiJing, far enough away from the gossip and rumors."

"The timing…"

"It doesn't matter," DuanYong said insistently, "I could have made a secret trip back, unbeknownst to my family. Teacher, please…"

Old man Xia stared at the young man. It was all foolhardy, but..."Will you wish to take ZiWei with you?"

DuanYong looked again at the child's face, at her bright and curious gaze. "ZiWei...not yet. I ask that you care for her a little longer...I cannot take her away from you at this time."

"DuanYong...thank you."

DuanYomg smiled, "Teacher, I had always wished to call you father-in-law."

And so it was done. He clutched the placard bearing YuHe's name and bowed to the heavens, to his parents and hers, and was married. It was not how he imagined it, but he could find it in himself to be a little happy. The townspeople talked, of course they did. Far from censure for seducing his teacher's daughter, however, he was praised for his sense of honor. Some more romantic souls even mentioned the word love.

"I did love your mother," he whispered to ZiWei as he watched the child sleep, ignorant of the happenings around her, "and still do." He cradled the child in his arms as he looked again at YuHe's headstone. "YuHe, I promise, I will care for her as my own child. I only hope, when we meet in the afterlife, that you will not blame me for making this decision and tying you to me. I know I cannot compared to him, but...you understand my reasons, don't you?"

XiaFuRen, whose health had never been strong, passed when ZiWei was three. DuanYong was allowed leave for her funeral.

His mentor looked even older. "DuanYong...I fear I will not survive her for long...ZiWei…she is such a well behaved child, has brought us such joy…"

"I will care for her."

"I know you will. You are a man of honor, DuanYong...Thank you, thank you for reminding me that there is still good in men."

And so ZiWei was taken to BeiJing and grew up as the xiaojie of the Duan household. She proved an intelligent child and easily impressed the tutors her father hired. There were moments when certain gestures she made painfully reminded him of YuHe. The first time he heard ZiWei play the guqin, he realized that he would always love YuHe.

"Die (father), don't cry."

He felt her small fingers wipe at his face and saw his daughter's distressed expressions, "You are so much like your mother."

"Will you tell me about her?"

He nodded. It still hurt, to think about YuHe and what could have been. But the pain had dulled with time to an ache. It now helped to speak about her with her daughter.

When ZiWei turned six, she gained a companion.

DuanYong knew he would never marry again, but he was still a relatively young man and there were certain needs he could not completely ignore. He tried to be discreet about such things and so often traveled alone. If he had to pay a little extra to maintain his anonymity and to obtain the herbs to ensure that he would not father a child, then so be it.

The streets grew quieter the further from the establishment he got. He was always disgusted with himself after a visit to a brothel and this time was no different. It was not how an honorary man ought to behave. So caught up in his own thoughts, he almost missed the sound. At first, he thought it was a stray cat. But something about the sound was too human to ignore. He climbed off his horse and looked around the area before finding a little girl huddled behind an abandoned basket.

She looked up with frightened eyes at him and immediately quieted.

"What is your name child?"

She just shook her head and curled up into an even tighter ball, as though to make herself invisible.

"I won't hurt you, I promise. I have a daughter of my own who is probably about your age."

When she still didn't answer, he continued talking about ZiWei. He could see as the tension left the child's body and curiosity begin to shine in her large eyes.

"Would you like to meet her? I fear she is very lonely and could do with a friend."

The child nodded eagerly, "I know what that is like."

DuanYong was greatly relieved to hear the child's voice, "alright then, have you ever ridden a horse?"

The child shook her head.

"Would you like to?"

The child glanced behind him to the horse consideringly before moving with a speed that startled DuanYong.

He watched as child and horse stared at one another. He smiled to himself at her complete lack of fear, so different from ZiWei's hesitation the first time he introduced her to their horses.

He stood up slowly and reached out a hand, "shall we?"

The child nodded eagerly but then frowned, "Shitai will be worried. I should return home."

"Ah, and where is home? I can help you return there."

"I don't remember," her expressive eyes clouded again.

Fearful she would start crying again, DuanYong said as gently as he could, "it's alright. We'll look together, tomorrow. For now though, the hour is much too late for a child like you to be awake."

It took the better part of the week, but he did managed to track down the abbey that little XiaoYanZi called home. The abbess was glad at the return of her charge, but also admitted her worries that she was too old to keep up with her energetic charge. DuanYong, thinking on how happy ZiWei seemed in the company of the boisterous XiaoYanZi, made an offer.

The abbess was pleased but felt obliged to inform him of XiaoYanZi's true name and lineage. He didn't know the person to whom the letter was addressed, but read enough into the words to figure out that a great wrong had been done to the Fang family. He obtained permission to show the letter to FuDaRen.

It took most of a year for the investigation to conclude. Meanwhile, FangCi became a part of the Duan household as DuanYong's foster daughter. XiaoYanZi proved a much more spirited child who hated having to stay still for lessons. She tried, she honestly did. At first in gratitude for her foster father's kindness but soon enough for her new sister's ever patient manners. Still, DuanYong came to appreciate the second weekend of each month when she returned to the abbey to spend time with the Shitai.

"At last! Some peace and quiet!"

ZiWei giggled at the obvious look of relief on her father's face, "life has never been so amusing before XiaoYanZi came to live here."

DuanYong snorted even as he pulled out the chessboard. It had become their ritual, to play on the weekends when XiaoYanZi could not cause disruption. "I live in fear that I will return to find that she has burned down the whole estate."

ZiWei knew her father didn't actually mean his harsh words and so just smiled.

"She's not so bad," DuanYong admitted after a few turns, "and she has brought both of us much laughter."

"She's a good sister to have," ZiWei remarked.

"I wonder, what would you say to having a brother as well?"

"Die?"

"Fu Da Ren managed to exonerate XiaoYanZi's father and uncovered that she has an older brother. I thought they ought to be reunited."

"Oh! XiaoYanZi will be so excited!"

"And maybe FangYan will be able to help me rein in some of her more outlandish behavior."

"XiaoYanZi has a very creative mind," ZiWei said diplomatically.

DuanYong smiled. ZiWei always was wiser and more mature than her age suggested.

It took some time, for YunNan was so very far away, but FangYan was reunited with his sister. He was a serious young man and already showing signs of a keen mind as well as talent at martial arts. DuanYong was grateful for FuDaRen's generosity in allowing the child tutelage with FuDaRen's own sons.

"He is about ErKang's age," FuDaRen had said, "and it would be good for ErKang to have some competition."

FuErKang had frowned sourly when FangYan beat him at the first match, but he was too well raised to harbor any true resentment. Instead, he trained even harder. FangYan of course also had his own pride and a friendly rivalry grew that, as the years passed and both young men matured, turned into a friendship built on mutual respect. FuDaRen watched these developments thoughtfully and decided, when the emperor decided to name ErKang an imperial guard, to bring FangYan to his attention as well.

DuanYong felt conflicted at the position offered to his foster son. In all those years, though he had opportunities, he had never sought to inform the emperor about his daughter. He justified it to himself that ZiWei was in the eyes of the world DuanYong's daughter. And he couldn't deny that he did harbor resentment towards the emperor. Was it not enough that the man had YuHe's love?

But FangYan asked for a delay. Like his sister, he was someone with his own ideas and wasn't afraid to fight for them. The emperor was sufficiently impressed and intrigued by the young man during their brief encounter that he gave FangYan leave to travel the country for two years as he wished before returning to the post of imperial bodyguard.

DuanYong was at once relieved and concerned. He was a scholar, not a warrior, and worried about FangYang's safety. But he could not deny that the young man had a right to follow in his birth father's footsteps. The stories FangYan had been told about FangZhiHang's deed, stories FangYan had been sure to pass on to his sister who of course told ZiWei, painted the image the story of a righteous, honorable hero. DuanYing did not begrudge FangYan for wanting to capture the thrill of such a reputation for himself. And at age eighteen, FangYan could make his own decisions. He was just glad that FangYan managed to talk his sister out of accompanying him.

The old fears and insecurities rose to the surface again when the edict came. ZiWei watched as her father's face paled and his hands shook as he took the piece of cloth from the eunuch.

"Die?" She had waited until the party from the palace departed and their own servants went back to their tasks.

"You're not going."

ZiWei blinked at the harshness of her father's tone. "But...it's a royal edict."

"No, I won't lose you too."

"Die…"

Without saying a word, her father strode away and shut the door to his study. ZiWei, in all fifteen years of her life, had never seen her father behave so.

She knocked on his door hesitantly, "Die?"

She waited for a long moment before she heard a rustling and the door opened.

"Die? It's a royal order…" she said again.

"It can't be you."

"Die…"

"ZiWei, you can't go."

"But, it's my duty, is it not?"

Her father looked at her a long moment before standing to close the door.

"ZiWei, there is something I must tell you."

ZiWei waited patiently. DuanYong retrieved a box from his shelves.

"Your mother…" he fiddled with the latch on the box but did not open it, "your mother left these, for you. To be given to you when you were old enough. Your grandfather, before he passed, gave me this letter. Your mother wrote it, before she died."

ZiWei took the letter and read through it carefully. Her eyes widened at the words and she read it twice more to ensure she did not misunderstand.

"Die?"

"Do you see now, why it cannot be you?"

"But…"

"Your mother...to me, your mother was always unreachable, always just a dream. But you, my dear ZiWei...you may not be of my blood but you are my child nonetheless and I…"

ZiWie knew what her father did not say. He could not bear to lose her because...because it would be like losing her mother a second time. Her eyes grew moist at the realization of just how much he loved her mother.

"Die," the quietness of her voice did not detract from her earnestness, "you are my father. Always. It matters not whose blood actually runs through my veins."

"Thank you, ZiWei, thank you."

When XiaoYanZi returned from her visit with shitai, ZiWei shared her secret.

"Ah, father is right, it most definitely cannot be you."

"But it shouldn't be you either."

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "I will most definitely not make it, can you imagine? They'll take one look at my terrible posture and dirty nails and turn me away at the very gates! So I'll go, to answer the summons, and so father won't risk punishment."

At ZiWei's still troubled look, she grinned, "cheer up, meimei, I've had much practice getting myself out of scrapes."

ZiWei begrudgingly agreed with the truth of her statement, "still…"

XiaoYanZi just squeezed her hand, "it'll be alright, you'll see."

"Brother will never forgive me if…"

XiaoYanZi snorted, "he abandoned me first."

ZiWei made a sound of distress.

"Fine, yes," XiaoYanZi said soothingly, "he has a right to find his own way in the world. I just wish I were born a boy, so that I could too."

"Oh but I'm glad you weren't!"

XiaoYanZi laughed, "you're much too sweet, ZiWei. Even if your weren't the emperor's daughter, I would have gone in your stead. Those girls...they would eat you alive!"

Despite her words, XiaoYanZi allowed her sister to ensure that she at least looked the part of a proper young lady. She wandered the courtyard, listening with half an ear to the inane chatter of the young ladies around her. She wondered if her boredom with the whole thing showed in her expressions. Still, she knew her behavior reflected on her father. She would behave as much as she could.

She tried not to grin as the momo shook her head at the needlepoint sample she turned in. With ZiWei's guidance, she wasn't completely hopeless, but ZiWei wasn't there and XiaoYanZi really didn't feel much like trying. She almost skipped out of the hall after the momo dismissed her after taking a look at her penmanship. It really was almost too easy.

"You are a very strange young lady."

She turned around and saw two young men dressed as eunuchs, "What?"

"One would think you don't want to be chosen at all."

XiaoYanZi knew she shouldn't, but it felt so good to speak her mind, "But I don't."

"Oh?"

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "I would never wish to be in such a gilded cage."

"I've never heard the palace described in such a way."

"But what about honor for your family?" The shorter eunuch asked.

"Father wouldn't blame me. He knows me too well."

"Who is your father?"

Before she could reply, however, the momo called for all the young ladies to gather.

XiaoYanZi sighed, "my apologies, I have been summoned."

XiaoYanZi did her best to hide her wide grin that her name wasn't among the list that was read. Finally! She could go home!

"I told you, ZiWei, didn't I?"

ZiWei hugged her sister tight before nodding.

XiaoYanZi laughed, "alright, alright, now that's passed. Let me tell you about some of the ridiculous things I saw!"

"XiaoYanZi, you've flown back."

XiaoYanZi whirled around, "father."

DuanYing sighed in mock despair, "and I had so hoped to be rid of you."

XiaoYanZi giggled, knowing her father was jesting, "I love you too, Die."

DuanYong's expression softened, "alright, go on, don't let me disrupt your fun."

XiaoYanZi grinned before spontaneously kissing her father on the cheek, "Yes, Die."

DuanYong watched them walking through the gardens, XiaoYanZi's arms gesticulating widely and ZiWei's shoulders already shaking with laughter. He smiled at the sight. He was very blessed.

Another year passed and the palace was rocked with the unexpected death of Six-Ge-Ge. Outside the palace, a storm caused the flooding of the Yellow River and an influx of refugees to the capital. The emperor, caught up in his grief, was not as attentive as he otherwise would have been.

"Die, we want to do something to help."

ZiWei nodded in agreement, "I went over the household accounts, we should have enough to spare."

XiaoYanZi nodded, "ZiWei explained to me that our resources are limited and, no matter how much I wished to, we can't help all of them. But shitai has opened the abbey to some families with young children so I thought we could start there."

ZiWei pulled out a piece of paper with her neat handwriting on it, "we did the math."

DuanYong took the paper in hand and considered it carefully. "You are in earnest."

His daughters nodded their heads.

"Alright. Though I suggest you both go talk to shitai, see what is needed first before deciding on how to spend the money."

"So we have your permission?"

DuanYong smiled at them, "of course you have my permission! I am so very proud of you both. Some of the court officials could certainly learn from you two. Although, in my absence, I hope the two of you will be careful?"

"I'll protect ZiWei."

DuanYong nodded, for once glad he had allowed XiaoYanZi to persuade him to allow her brother to teach her some martial arts. "Nonetheless, do take some of the stronger servants with you."

"Do you doubt my abilities, father?" XiaoYanZi pouted.

"I trust in your dedication to your sister, but the refugees are many and should chaos descend, a strategic retreat is the better option."

"Yes, father." XiaoYanZi replied seriously.

Shitai was glad of their help. The sight of the children truly touched their hearts. XiaoYanZi soon found herself making jianzi and leading periodic lessons while ZiWei made little stuffed animals for the younger children. ZiWei also made sure to go over the list of needed supplies with shitai on a weekly basis.

It was during one of their visits to the abbey that 5-Ah-Ge also made a visit. He had overheard some of the debates at court about how much aid should be allocated to the refugees and had decided to see for himself the plight of the people. ErTai, as always, accompanied him. ErKang, when he learned of the plan, insisted on accompanying them, nominally for safety. Personally, Yongqi thought ErKang was sulking as Fu Da Ren did not take him along to visit the actual regions most affected by the flooding.

He intended to visit incognito and, for the most part, passed himself off as just another scion of a wealthy family looking for ways to help.

"This is the last one for the day," he told his companions while putting away the list he had made.

They nodded and dismounted their horses. The sound of laughter struck him first as they were shown into the courtyard by one of the nuns.

Yongqi looked in its direction and noticed a young lady playing with the children. There was something oddly familiar about her. When she managed to catch a child and ripped off her blindfold triumphantly before attacking the child with tickles, he gasped. He recognized those eyes.

ErTai also seemed to remember, "Wait...isn't that the girl from last year who didn't want to be chosen as a concubine?"

"I do believe it is. Maybe we'll finally learn her name." So saying, he strode towards her. The children, shy in front of the two strangers, fled.

XiaoYanZi looked bewildered at the sudden absence of the gaggle of children before she noticed the two young gentlemen. "Who are you?"

"You mean to say you don't remember us? We certainly remember you."

XiaoYanZi frowned at ErTai, "I'm sorry, have we met?"

Yongqi nodded, "a year ago, though it was brief, and you were called away before we could learn your name."

She frowned at them, searching through her memory.

"You said something about a gilded cage," Yongqi helpfully reminded her.

"Oh! Wait, but, I thought you were two eunuchs!"

ErTai laughed, "we were pretending to be, so we could sneak in and see the potential new concubines for his father."

"His father?"

"ErTai," Yongqi wished his companion hadn't given the game away so early.

ErTai paid him no mind and just nodded, "this is 5-Ah-Ge."

"Oh." XiaoYanZi blinked at him before she remembered her manners and dipped a curtsy. "I thought you'd be more proper."

"What?"

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "dressing up as eunuchs doesn't seem like the sort of thing an Ah Ge ought to do."

Yongqi looked sheepish, "it's not."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I was just curious," Yongqi admitted.

"Hmmm," XiaoYanZi shrugged, "I've done plenty of things I'm not supposed to for the sake of curiosity."

Yongqi found himself smiling back at her.

"We still don't know your name." ErTai reminded her.

"FangCi, but everyone calls me XiaoYanZi."

"I don't think I know an official with the surname Fang."

XiaoYanZi laughed, "oh, I'm adopted. My father's surename is Duan."

"Oh!" ErTai perked up, "you're FangYan's sister!"

"Yes, how do you know my brother?"

"I'm Fu ErTai, FuErKang's brother."

"What a small world!"

"FangYan never talked much, but he did let certain things slip about his sisters."

"What did he say about us?"

"That ZiWei is comparable to a xian-nu but you are more like the monkey king."

XiaoYanZi giggled, "He's not altogether wrong."

"Who's ZiWei?" Yongqi asked.

"My sister of course. Father's actual daughter, although he never made any distinction. In fact, there she is!"

The two young men turned in the direction of her pointing and saw the missing member of their trio speaking with a beautiful young lady.

"I assume that's your brother?" XiaoYanZi said to ErTai.

At his nod, XiaoYanZi raised her voice and gave a wave, "ZiWei! Over here!"

ZiWei glanced in their direction and her smile broadened. ErKang, walking at her side, felt his heart thud again.

He had meant to go speak with the abbess and had been surprised to see a young lady with her. ZiWei, for her part, had looked up curiously from the list shitai had handed her of the still needed inventory. ErKang hadn't known what the matter with him was, but he felt suddenly tongue-tied in her presence. He had seen other pretty young ladies in the past, but there was something about her that gave him pause. He feared, seeing the blush on her cheeks, that he was staring rather impolitely.

The abbess's voice brought him back to reality and he gave the prepared speech about wishing to help. The abbess nodded but said, "I think you should discuss how you can help the most with ZiWei, she has really been the one to take the reigns here."

"Shitai, you exaggerate."

The abbess smiled, "Not at all. XiaoYanZi has the enthusiasm but you pay attention to the necessary details. Go on, show Fu shaoye what changes you have made."

"I'm sure Fu shaoye has other demands on his time…"

"No, I would like to see, if you are willing to show me."

ZiWei was too polite to refuse.

"We can go over this week's list later, ZiWei." Shitai watched the two walk out into the courtyard with a small smile. She had certainly noticed the way the young master had looked at ZiWei. She may have chosen to be a nun, but those two girls tugged at her heartstrings and were as dear as if they were truly her daughters. They were getting to the age where considerations must be made to their futures. She really should speak to Master Duan on his return.

ZiWei led ErKang to the garden outside the back gates of the abbey, "it used to be smaller, just a small patch for shitai and the other nuns. But as most of the refugees were farming folk, it made sense for them to broaden the land. The flood destroyed much of their land, but as spring comes later here in BeiJing, they were still able to sow some seeds. We're hoping that they will become self sufficient, at least for some foods, and what extra they don't need can certainly be sold."

"And the proceeds?"

"Are theirs to keep of course," ZiWei responded, "maybe it'll enable some to build a new start either here in BeiJing or return home and rebuild."

"The nuns do not mind?"

ZiWei shook her head, "they cleared the land themselves after all. Shitai only asked that they pay back the price of the seedlings. I didn't think it was needed, but she insisted."

"You are very generous."

ZiWei shook her head, "Shitai said I was naive. She said that asking them for a form of payment made it seem more like a business transaction rather than charity. They can thus retain their self respect."

"She's not wrong," she added as they walked through other areas where people were engaged in some sort of industry, "we mean well with our generosity, but we forget that people define their own self-worth with what they can contribute to the world."

He noticed, as they walked, that she would stop here and there to make specific greetings. Those with whom she spoke usually responded with a smile.

"You seem to know them on a personal level." He observed.

"Father always taught us to get to know people, only then can you truly understand what motivates them."

"Your father sounds very wise."

"Father is an honorable man, but not all those with whom he interacts are. He has learned to observe more than he speaks."

"Who is your father?"

At ZiWei's answer, he blinked, "you mean to say you're FangYan's sister?"

"Why yes, but how do you know brother?"

He laughed, "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself fully. FuErKang of XueShiFu, at your service."

"Oh!" She curtsied, "and here I've been making a fool of myself when your father is the one in charge of the relief efforts."

"Not at all," he insisted, "speaking with you makes me realize how glad I am that your father accompanied mine."

They had paused in the path, simply staring at each other before XiaoYanZi's voice interrupted the moment.

"FangYan did not exaggerate," ErTai commented as the three rode away from the abbey, "his sisters are very different from one another."

"I can easily see how he could sound exasperated when speaking of XiaoYanZi." Yongqi added.

"Yes," ErTai laughed, "brother, you spoke longer with ZiWei, is FangYan correct in deeming her a xian nu?"

"Our conversation was brief." ErKang said carefully.

ErTai sighed, "oh come on, brother, you're among friends."

ErKang hesitated before admitting, "I daresay he knows his sisters well."

"Hmm…" ErTai looked thoughtful but decided not to comment further. "Now then, what shall we report to HuangShang?"

The three young men would gain the emperor's approval for their proposal regarding the refugees in the city. Combined with FuDaRen's own efforts in the affected region, summer was in high swing when the matter was satisfactorily resolved.

"It's going to be boring now, isn't it?"

ZiWei laughed at her sister, "I'm sure you'll find something to amuse yourself."

XiaoYanXi made a face.

"Ah, some things never change. Still pining after adventure, XiaoYanZi?"

The two ladies looked up, "brother!"

FangYan laughed and accepted their fussing.

"Oh why didn't you send word?"

"You're back to stay now?"

"Ah so the two of you like the present I brought back?"

"Father!"

DuanYong accepted their hugs, "Hmm, it is good to have our family together again."

"But how?"

"Your brother is more like you than he cares to admit, XiaoYanZi. We went to the epicenter of the flood zone and of course encountered your brother in the midst of all the action. Always seeking out trouble, both of you."

"But back to stay?" XiaoYanZi asked again.

"Yes," FangYan replied, "I did give my word."

"Hurray! Now tell us your stories, I'm sure you have lots."

"I did write."

"Not the same," XiaoYanZi insisted.

"We really should let them rest," ZiWei said, "they've travelled a long way."

"As considerate as ever, meimei."

ZiWei smiled at her brother, "as father said, it's so good to have the family together again."

"Oh alright," XiaoYanZi agreed reluctantly.

"Come on, you can help me make some of their favorite treats," ZiWei offered.

"Just don't mistake the salt for sugar this time!"

XiaoYanZi stuck out her tongue at her brother and turned to follow ZiWei with her nose in the air.

"Some things never change," FangYan observed, "but it is good to be home."

He reported to FuDaRen and in the process rekindled his friendship with FuErKang.

"You've done quite well for yourself, I see, captain of the guards in two short years."

ErKang laughed, "as have you, XiaoJian."

"How did you…"

"AhMa likes to keep tabs on those he deems worthy of his interest."

"Oh." FangYan wasn't sure how he felt about being watched.

ErKang did not bother offering an apology, "you have not been gone long enough to forget the ways of our world."

"I think I did forget, for a little bit."

"You needn't sound so wistful."

FangYan shook his head, "You don't understand, ErKang, there's a freedom out there...unfettered by anything but your own judgement."

"Then it's a good thing you are in possession of sound judgement."

"I know what you mean to say," FangYan turned back to his friend, "and I did see things that sickened me, shook me to my core, but still…"

"Then let that be a motivation. AhMa has high hopes for you. You can right those wrongs, but not as a vigilante."

FangYan looked at him consideringly, "I had forgotten how persuasive you are."

"I will decide to take it as a compliment."

FangYan sighed, "I am honored."

"I know. And HuangShang could use more honorable men."

FangYan laughed, "don't overdo it now."

ErKang just grinned back.

"If you're not busy," FangYan said after ErKang had reviewed his new duties with him, "XiaoYanZi insisted on a proper homecoming feast for father and me. Would you like to attend?"

"I shouldn't intrude on your family."

"No intrusion," FangYan insisted, "XiaoYanZi's enthusiasm means that she'll likely go overboard again, so we shall have no lack of food."

"You're certain?"

FangYan nodded, "I may be using you as a buffer against my sister's high spirits."

"It's revenge for my earlier comments, isn't it?"

FangYan just gave him a look.

As they drew up to Duan manor, ErKand tried not to let his anticipation show too much. Since that day in the abbey, he had hoped to see ZiWei again. But he had no good reason to visit. Now that FangYan was back though…

"Brother! Just in time!" XiaoYanZi ran out to greet them, pausing only a moment when she saw her brother's companion.

"You did say I could invite a friend."

"So I did." XiaoYanZi grinned, "come in then, we prepared all your favorites!"

"ZiWei! Brother's back!"

"And brought a guest, I see. Fu da shaoye."

"I'm sorry for not sending word." FangYan said.

"No matter," ZiWei smiled sweetly, "we can easily set another place."

"I can go fetch father from his study."

"Oh no," XiaoYanZi declared as she pulled her brother into a chair, "I will go fetch father."

ErKang waited until another seat was added under ZiWei' instructions, "I am sorry to arrive without warning."

She shook her head, "you are brother's friend and as this gathering is in part for brother, you are welcomed gladly."

"Good."

ZiWei tried to ignore the feeling that his response held another meaning. She was relieved when her father made his appearance.

"Master Duan," ErKang said politely.

"Please sit," DuanYong said, "we are fortunate to have you as our guest."

The conversation might have become stilted because of ErKang's presence, but XiaoYanZi was not one to stand on ceremony. ErKang observed the obvious affection each family member held for one another. They teased each other good naturedly and shared amusing anecdotes that added to the good cheer.

"Yan-er," DuanYong said after the dishes had been cleared, "it has been too long since I last heard you and ZiWei play a duet."

"Then I shall go fetch my xiao."

ZiWei nodded as well and asked for a servant to bring her guqin.

DuanYong smiled at his children after a few songs, "I have missed your music."

"Father, ZiWei and I have a song we would like to share, in honor of your homecoming."

"I am all ears."

The young ladies shared a nod before launching into the song they had prepared.

"FangYan, you hadn't exaggerated," ErKang remarked as the last note faded, "your sisters are indeed talented young ladies."

ZiWei blushed at his praise while XiaoYanZi just grinned.

"But the hour grows late and Yan-er, you will be starting your new position tomorrow."

"Yes, father. I will see our guest out."

"Thank you again for allowing me to take part in so pleasant an evening," ErKang said politely to DuanYong.

"Your father has been a kind master and has done much for our Yan-er, our door will always be open to you."

ErKang bowed before letting XiaoJian guide him toward the main gates. He fought against the compulsion to look at ZiWei one more time.

The whole way home, he berated himself. What was wrong with him? Yes, she was beautiful and kind and intelligent and sang with a voice that he could listen to for the rest of his life. But she was his friend's sister. And yet, why shouldn't he admire her? He never expected to have much say in his marriage, but having met her...he shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. He would get to know her more, somehow. He will not jeopardize his friendship with her brother if what he felt was but a passing fancy.

"Laoye, Fu da shaoye has arrived, he says he and shaoye had planned to go riding together."

DuanYong looked up from the chess game, "do show him in."

"Master Duan."

"Ah, ErKang, how are you at weiqi?"

"Beg pardon?"

DuanYong indicated the board, "my ZiWei has surpassed my meager skills long ago. For the sake of filial duty, she still consents to play with me."

"Die," ZiWei made to protest but DuanYong just shook his head.

"No need to be modest, ZiWei." He turned again to ErKang, "well, Fu da shaoye, how about it?"

"I can certainly try."

DuanYong nodded as he emptied the board before giving up his seat to the young man.

"It's refreshing to see someone else's dignity be lost in the face of ZiWei's skill."

"Why would you assume I'm losing?" ErKang looked up at the sound of his friend's voice.

FangYan just chuckled, "because I know my sister."

"He did do better than either you or I ever did," DuanYong remarked even as ZiWei placed down the final piece.

"I would like a rematch," ErKang said to her.

ZiWei smiled, "as you wish."

"But another time," FangYan said as he stood.

"Yes," ErKang comforted himself with the knowledge that he now had a valid excuse to seek out ZiWei.

He visited a few weeks later with that intent, but found the Duan siblings packing up a carriage.

"Have I come at a bad time?"

"We're going for a picnic," XiaoYanZi explained.

"Ah."

"You should join us," FangYan said as he handed ZiWei the last basket for the carriage.

"You're certain I wouldn't be an imposition?"

"Of course not," XiaoJian said.

"The more the merrier, as XiaoYanZi would say."

ZiWei's smile clenched the decision for him.

They had a merry time in the field of wildflowers outside the city. At one point, XiaoYanZi demanded a race on the horses with her brother who laughingly agreed.

ZiWei watched them at first but then turned to pick some of the longer stemmed flowers.

"What are you doing?" He asked when she settled onto the grass.

"Making a flower crown for the winner of their race. If XiaoYanZi wins, she'll wear it proudly and if brother wins, XiaoYanZi will keep her good humor at how ridiculous brother will look."

"XiaoYanZi is not very good at losing?" ErKang hazarded a guess.

ZiWei laughed, "Not at all."

He watched her nimble fingers twist the delicate stems together, "Could you teach me?"

She looked up, "You really wish to learn?"

He shrugged, "why not?"

"It's rather frivolous."

He smiled, "but useful in keeping the peace between your siblings."

She smiled back, "alright."

He tried to braid the stems as she showed him but found that he was clumsy at such delicate work.

"Here," she set aside her task for a moment and reached over to take his hand in hers. Her touch was firm and gentle at the same time. "You try now."

He concentrated on not crushing the stems.

"Well," she observed after a moment, "you're doing better than when I tried to show XiaoYanZi."

They worked in companionable silence before he asked, "you and your siblings are very close."

"Yes. We've each experienced loss in some way. That commonality helps us value one another."

"Yes, I remember AhMa mentioning that Duan FuRen passed when you were very young."

"I don't remember my mother enough to miss her," ZiWei said quietly, "I feel guilty about it sometimes, particularly as father still holds her memory so dear."

"Is that why he never remarried?"

ZiWei nodded, "though after XiaoYanZi became my sister, shitai took over the role of mother figure for both of us."

"How does that shape how you think of your own future marriage I wonder."

It took a moment for him to realize that he had spoken out loud. "I'm sorry, I should not ask so personal a question."

She reached for a few more flowers and focused on the crown.

He didn't expect her actually to answer.

"There is a fierceness to the level of devotion Die holds for Niang. I do not know if I am capable of such depth of feeling. I do not know if I wish to find out."

"Why not?"

She met his gaze, "he misses her so very much, still, after all these years. Despite the affection he holds for me and my siblings, there is a part of him that is forever lost. I fear that if I experienced a similar loss, I would collapse under the weight."

"Thank you," he said after a moment.

"For what?"

"For your honest answer to an invasive and impolite question."

ZiWei smiled a little to reduce the solemn atmosphere that had descended, "I will count us even if I can ask an equally impolite question."

"You wish to know my thoughts on my own future marriage?"

She nodded.

"I was supposed to be married this year."

"Oh?"

"But 6-Ge-Ge died."

"I'm so sorry."

He shook his head, "HuangShang was heartbroken..."

"But not you," she observed quietly.

"I…I've been brought up to adhere to duty and marrying 6-Ge-Ge...it was to be another duty. I never expected to have much choice and so never bothered to think much on it."

"Will HuangShang arrange another marriage for you?"

"I don't know."

"Don't know?"

"HuangShang is still in mourning."

"What is he like?"

"HuangShang?"

ZiWei nodded.

"As far back as I can remember, I was taught to be loyal. And HuangShang is intelligent, thoughtful, a patron of the arts...he is worthy of such fealty. 6-Ge-Ge's passing has reminded me that he is also a father and takes such a role seriously. I think I always knew, having observed the way he treated 5-Ah-Ge. His grief threw that knowledge into sharp relief."

ZiWei wanted to ask more about the man whose blood she shared, but her siblings' return prevented further questions.

"Who won?" ZiWei asked needlessly.

XiaoYanZi just grumbled a quiet, "brother did."

ZiWei stood and plopped her competed crown onto FangYan's head, "congratulations, brother."

He gave her a knowing look before turning to XiaoYanZi, "how does it look?"

"Ridiculous." Despite herself, XiaoYanZi found her lips twitching with barely concealed laughter.

"Really?" FangYan preened for a moment, "I don't know, I think it suits me very well."

With a wink at ZiWei, ErKang spoke up, "I can admit to envy at how well it looks."

"Thank you, thank you," FangYan took a few over dramatized bows.

XiaoYanZi snorted at both of them, "come on, ZiWei, let's ignore these two fools and go exploring."

ZiWei, hiding a smile, let herself be tugged along.

"Should we go with them?" ErKang asked FangYan.

"No need. We come here often enough to know that the surroundings are desolate but safe. Besides, XiaoYanZi knows not to go too far. Come let us pack up the carriage again. We'll wish to depart once they return if we are to make it home before home before sunset."

The months passed and ErKang found that his feelings for ZiWei did not fade. Instead, every interaction added to his initial attraction. He tried to best to maintain a respectful distance and thought he succeeded until a surprising conversation.

The emperor had sent him to the mountains to deliver goods to the dowager empress and Qing-Ge-Ge. The snow storm trapped him and he found himself impatiently pacing in his room. He was missing the cherry blossom viewing gathering that XiaoYanZi had organized. On the night the snow finally stopped, he found himself in the courtyard, transfixed by the sight of the moon on the untouched snow. He wished ZiWei could be with him to share the view. He smiled a little, thinking on how her eyes would light up and the poems she would be moved to create. He pulled out an earring, one he had meant to return but never did. He had noticed it on the ground after another outing with FangYan and his sisters. XiaoYanZi had insisted on a game of tag and ZiWei must have lost it while running from her sister.

"Who is she?"

He whirled around, "Qing-er."

"You've been distracted and I've wondered at the reason. But now I see." She nodded towards the small object in his hand, "the woman to whom that belongs, who is she?"

"I know it cannot be 6-Ge-Ge," she added when he didn't answer.

"I…"

She smiled a little, "it's refreshing to see you acting so bashful. Whoever she is, I imagine she is a beauty."

"She is," he agreed readily, "and the kindness of her soul only adds to her physical beauty."

Qing-er raised an eyebrow, "indeed? Then congratulations must be offered."

He shook his head, "she doesn't know."

"You haven't told her?"

"I...Qing-er, you and I both know that I have no power over my marriage."

"Marriage? She is special."

ErKang closed his hand about the earring, "It has not even been a year since 6-Ge-Ge's passing, I cannot tell HuangShang that…" his voice faded.

"I see your dilemma."

He sighed, "I can offer her nothing."

Qing-er made a sympathetic sound, "we are both too obedient, you and I. But surely, some things are worth a small act of disobedience?"

He stared after her departing figure before turning back to the snowy scene. ZiWei was definitely worth it, but what if...what if she did not think of him in such a way?

Did he truly wish to know the answer?

Shortly before the Spring Hung, FangYan asked for a switch in shifts.

"But of course," ErKang said, "I hope all is well at home."

FangYan nodded and said curtly, "it's the anniversary of my parents' passing."

"Ah."

"Thank you for understanding."

"Of course," ErKang said again.

He visited Duan manor after the shift, meaning to look in on his friend, only to be notified that he was not at home.

ZiWei did come to greet him and offer an explanation, "brother and XiaoYanZi went to the temple today. It's their tradition."

"I see. I only wished to see if I could help in some way."

ZiWei smiled, "I will be sure to let him know you were here. Brother may not say it often, but he does appreciate your friendship."

"Good." He paused before saying, "ZiWei?"

"Yes?"

"I…"

"Was there a specific message that you wished to leave?" She looked at him expectantly.

"No...just...since I am here, could I impose upon you for a rematch?"

"A rematch?"

"We never did play weiqi again."

She smiled a little, "Alright."

Some time into their second game, she remarked, "you've been practicing."

"Have I?"

She looked up after placing her piece, "Yes."

He took a moment to consider his move before replying, "What makes you say that?"

"I wasn't sure at first, but you're choosing different strategies."

"Maybe I've just learned not to underestimate you."

"I did not think you to be a prideful man."

"Ah, but I am."

Her hand paused over the board a moment before setting down her piece, "I suppose you do have good reasons for it. The eldest shaoye of XueShuFu, the youngest captain of the Imperial Guards in the last fifty years, a favored chengzi for the emperor...you certainly cannot allow a simple girl to best you at something."

Was that disappointment he heard in her voice?

"I am a prideful man," he said, "because I have worked hard for my accomplishments. But I am not so arrogant that I cannot admire when others, regardless of who they are, are in possession of more skill."

"Your brother, for example," he stated as he placed his own piece, "has not his equal with swords."

They played in silence before she offered an apology, "It's unfair of me to take out my worries on you."

"Worries?"

"Brother has accepted a post at Da Li Si."

"Yes, I know. It suits him."

"It does," ZiWei agreed, "but it'll also expose him to dangers I cannot begin to imagine. And though I know brother is fully capable, I cannot help but worry."

She sighed, "XiaoYanZi says I worry too much."

"Only because you care."

She set the last piece in the board absentmindedly. He wondered if she even realized that she had won again.

"ZiWei."

"Hmmm?"

"Would you worry about me too?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just...never mind…" for once, he couldn't find the words.

She tilted her head in thought before answering anyways, "I would."

"You would?"

"You have become a dear friend."

"Friend…"

"Yes." ZiWei nodded.

"And if I want to be more than your friend?"

Her eyes widened but she was saved from answering.

"ErKang."

ErKang stood, "Master Duan."

DuanYong waved his hand, "please sit. Here to challenge our ZiWei again I see."

"Yes…" ErKang felt a sudden flash of guilt.

"Well, carry on, do not let my presence disrupt your game."

"We had just finished," ZiWei said quietly.

"Have you? Such a pity. Will you stay for supper?"

ErKang shook his head, "I will not impose on your hospitality."

"It's no trouble."

"Ah Ma will wish to discuss the logistics for the Spring Hunt."

"Ah, then I must not keep you."

ErKang did not have a chance to speak with ZiWei again for some time. His father had been assigned the task of evaluating a regional official for suspected treason and had decided to take ErKang with him on the trip.

On their return, ErKang was assigned the task of planning that year's dragon boat race. He knew these tasks were signs of growing responsibilities but he couldn't help but feel a little resentful at the demands on his time.

He breathed a sigh of relief that the day of the event dawned bright and sunny with just a hint of breeze. Standing next to the emperor on the viewing platform, he was gladdened even further at the emperor's obvious good humor as he watched the boats race across the lake.

"Ah, FangYan's team has not lost their lead."

"They have trained with great discipline," FuDaRen noted.

"I would expect nothing less from FangYan."

The emperor descended the platform to offer his personal congratulations and found FangYan listening with an amused expression to an animated young lady.

A cough from FuLun caused FangYan to glance in their direction, "HuangShang."

The young lady blinked before sinking into a curtsy.

"A wonderful showing today," the emperor offered his praise.

"Well of course, my brother is the best."

"XiaoYanZi!"

XiaoYanZi looked a little abashed at her father's admonition.

The emperor just laughed, "you have all rights to be proud of having such a brother."

XiaoYanZi grinned broadly, "oh we are!"

"We?"

XiaoYanZi pulled ZiWei, who had approached at a more sedate pace with her father, forward, "ZiWei and I both."

The emperor looked at the second young lady and felt his heart stop. Something about her features jogged a memory.

"DuanYong, you are fortunate to have such wonderful children."

"Yes, HuangShang."

The emperor smiled and opened his fan, "alright ErKang, what other festivities did you have planned?"

DuanYong felt the tension leave him; he had been so afraid that the emperor would see the similarity.

A few days later, when a eunuch came from the palace requesting for ZiWei's presence, DuanYong realized he had relaxed too quickly.

"May I bring something with me?" ZiWei asked.

"Whatever gu niang needs will be provided."

"Gonggong, please, just things from my mother, for sentimental reasons."

The eunuch looked into her hopeful eyes, "very well."

She smiled at him, "thank you."

"Master Duan, your fortunes are on the rise," the eunuch said while ZiWei went to fetch her box.

DuanYong bowed, still in a state of shock.

"I'm ready," ZiWei said on her return.

"ZiWei…"

Her father looked so lost, but ZiWei just smiled and squeezed his hand, "Die. It will be well. Tell brother and XiaoYanZi not to do anything foolish."

As she sat in the carriage, ZiWei clutched her box. She was more nervous than she let on, but she felt no fear. On seeing the emperor that day, she realized she had questions she wished to have answered. It wasn't her place to question his actions, but she wished to understand...in all these years, did he truly never think of her mother? Her father had given her mother respectability but only the emperor could provide closure.

She was shown to a place called ShuFangZhai. She explored the rooms and noted a guqin and a weiqi set among other objects. Ah, so the emperor had inquired about her. Had circumstances been different, she no doubt would have felt flattered. As it was, she settled in a chair in the sitting room and waited.

She wasn't surprised that he dismissed the servants when he did make his appearance.

"And how do you find ShuFangZhai?"

"It's a beautiful structure, fitting for a princess."

"A princess?" He looked at her intently, "we have been led to believe that you are in possession of some intelligence."

ZiWei kept silent and instead poured him a cup of tea.

"There is something about you, ZiWei. Just seeing you that once, however briefly, made us feel as though we have meet before."

She pulled her hand out of his grasp and carefully kept her eyes downcast, "Perhaps I remind HuangShang of someone he used to know."

He decided to humor her, "perhaps."

"I have been told that I look very much like my mother." She met his eyes then, hoping he would remember.

"And who is your mother?"

"Her surname had been Xia, she lived on the banks of Da Ming lake."

The emperor paled, "YuHe."

ZiWei nodded.

"You are YuHe's daughter."

"Yes."

"Yes...that's right, your father is originally from JiNan...We are glad that she was able to move on."

"She moved on, yes, but to the afterlife. My father...she was already dead when my father married her."

"What are you saying?"

ZiWei unlatched the box and laid the items on the table, "mother wrote me a letter, telling me about the love of her life. I didn't understand then, when father first gave it to me, but now I'm beginning to..."

He opened the fan and untied the painting and stared at the words he had penned so long ago.

ZiWei quietly recited them before adding, "these items, she treasured them to her last breath. I think it's time that they are returned to their rightful owner."

"You are YuHe's daughter." He said again, staring at her features.

"Yes."

He found that he couldn't stand her steady gaze. "We meant to send for her. But Empress Fucha died soon after our return and we were convinced the timing would be wrong. And then...it all seemed like a dream, a distant but wonderful memory."

"HuangShang is responsible to the whole country, how can the life of one person compare?"

ZiWei clasped her hands together for courage, "ZiWei only wishes to know...what was mother to HuangShang?"

The emperor wasn't sure how to answer her, not this girl who looked so much like YuHe. He could be kind and say that he loved YuHe. He wouldn't even be lying, because he did love her, as much as he could love anyone. The truth was more complex. He appreciated YuHe's beauty, her sweetness, her lack of artifice, her intelligence. But he could not deny that she was also a distraction, the embodiment of the reasons he travelled incognito.

ZiWei understood more through the emperor's silence than if he had shared his thoughts. "HuangShang has no reasons to keep ZiWei now."

He looked at her again at those words. "No reasons to keep you? ZiWei, you are our daughter. As you say, ShuFangZhai is fitting for any princess."

ZiWei smiled gently, "ZiWei already has a father...ShuFangZhai is beautiful but it is not home."

Only then did he feel the magnitude of what he had lost, "had we known about you sooner…"

"Father did not mean to keep the matter from HuangShang."

Ah yes. DuanYong who did the honorable thing for him. "He must blame us for YuHe's passing."

"Father has ever been a loyal subject," ZiWei said softly, "but he never recovered from mother's death." She couldn't completely keep a hint of rebuke from her voice.

"What we owe YuHe…"

"HuangShang still remembers mother's name. It is enough."

"You really have no requests?"

ZiWei smiled again, "I have met you, returned these objects, obtained closure for my mother. ZiWei has no other wishes other than to return home."

The emperor studied her a moment longer, "your father is a fortunate man to have you as his daughter."

"Like father, ZiWei will ever be a loyal subject to HuangShang."

DuanYong's relief at his daughter's safe return was palpable. XiaoYanZi grumbled something about lecherous old men but quieted at the look from her brother. FangYan, sensing a new peacefulness in his sister's demeanors, thought he understood.

When he found ZiWei lighting a stick of incense in front of her mother's tablet, he felt that his suspicions were confirmed.

"Meimei, did you find the answers you sought?"

She walked with him through the gardens, "Yes, I think I have."

"How do they affect your answer to ErKang, I wonder."

ZiWei was not surprised that her brother had noticed. "He has not asked me any questions."

"But he will."

"Do you approve of him, brother?"

"I would have never allowed him to visit so often if I did not."

ZiWei laughed, "then the emperor's timing proved quite fortuitous."

"Yes."

ZiWei smiled at her brother; no further words needed to be said.

ErKang found her watching the koi in the pond beneath the pagoda.

"ZiWei."

She looked up with a smile, "are you seeking another rematch?"

He looked down at the table and noticed the two bowls of weiqi pieces. "No, not today."

He sat next to her, "ZiWei...I…"

"Yes?"

"I fear I'm losing you."

"Losing me?"

He stared at the fish instead of meeting her inquisitive glance, "Yes...I saw your name among those who could enter the palace…"

She tilted her head, "then you should have also seen that I can also leave."

"I did, but I still thought I'd make sure."

"And now that you've ascertained the truth of the records?"

He studied her, hoping to find some hint as to her thoughts. "ZiWei...I...don't go anymore."

"Go? Go where?" Her brows furrowed in genuine confusion.

"Back to the palace. You don't belong there."

"I cannot refuse summons from the emperor."

"But..."

"HuangShang simply wishes to continue testing my abilities at weiqi."

"Is that what he told you?"

ZiWei frowned the accusatory tone of his voice, "ErKang, what are you saying?"

He looked away from her again, "someone as beautiful and talented as you are...HuangShang has always admired such qualities."

Ah. She hadn't guessed wrong. "What high praise."

"I...ZiWei…" he looked back at her, "I mean it."

She folded her hands in her lap demurely, "There's no need for such flattery between friends."

ErKang frowned, there was that word again..."Friends...ZiWei...I...I want us to be more than friends. I want...since the day I met you, I've wanted...I've known that friendship wouldn't be enough for me."

"What are you asking of me?"

"To be mine."

"Oh."

"I have no right...particularly as the emperor has…" he paused before summoning his courage again, "I just wish to know if I have any weight in your heart. If you think of me at all in such a way. Or if I've been deluding myself into thinking that I could have a chance to make my dreams a reality?"

"Dreams?"

"Of you at my side, for the rest of our days. As...as my wife."

"Oh."

"I should not speak so bluntly. But I…with how often you are summoned to the palace, I can't..."

"I do think of you," ZiWei interrupted softly, deciding it was time to put him out of his misery.

"ZiWei?"

"And I promise, HaungShang and I just play weiqi."

"I want to believe you…"

ZiWei sighed, "there is something I never told you." She revealed the truth of her birth to him, though did not name the emperor, not at first. "I am not altogether naive, ErKang."

"Still...he is the emperor."

"And the man to whom my mother gave everything."

"What?"

"You said once that HuangShang takes his fatherly duties seriously. I have experienced the truth of such a statement."

"Then…"

"He offered me a title. I refused. The past ought to stay in the past."

He studied her peaceful expression. "You would help him save face."

"My mother loved him." She said simply.

"My jealousy has been misplaced." He said after a moment.

"Yes."

He returned her smile, "if I were to speak with him, do you think he would approve?"

"HuangShang favors you, but he is not who you should ask."

"Then who should I seek permission from?"

"My father of course. And brother. And, likely even XiaoYanZi."

"Hmm, that is quite a few people, I had better get started."

"Yes," she agreed readily.

"ZiWei…" he reached over and tentatively held her hand, "you forgot someone."

"Have I?"

"The most important person I need to ask…ZiWei, you will marry me?"

She smiled, "Yes."

He beamed at her and clutched her hand tighter, "say it again."

She squeezed his hand, "I too dream of a future in which I am at your side, as your wife."

He stared at her, rather besottedly, before hopping to his feet.

"Where are we going?"

"To find your father and brother and sister."

She laughed and let him pull her along. She was so very happy.

---

After the wedding carriage left, DuanYong found himself before YuHe's placard.

"I hope you approve of ErKang. He loves ZiWei very much and will do right by her."

He smiled a little wistfully, "they are quite the pair." Could he and YuHe have had such happiness? It was a question that will forever haunt him.

"Die…"

He heard as XiaoYanZi knelt as his side.

"You still have me," she declared.

He turned to smile at her, "Yes, I do, don't I?"

"And as I shall never get married, you will always have me."

He chuckled, "even you will leave me someday."

She shook her head, "I doubt it."

"You have such a low opinion of yourself?"

She shook her head again, "what would I do with a husband? No, I much like my freedom as it is."

He laughed, "and if you should fall in love as ZiWei has?"

"Oh no, I've decided that's not for me. Falling in love grants the other person too much power. I don't trust anyone besides my family that much."

He looked back at the placard. XiaoYanZi was not altogether wrong.

"And what if someone falls in love with you?"

"Die," XiaoYanZi pulled him to a stand, "no one is that foolish."

"Love can be foolish."

She shrugged, "enough nonsense, Die, we still have guests to entertain."

"Your brother is doing an admirable job."

"But you are still the master of the household."

He chuckled, "alright, I suppose I can handle a few more cups of wine."

---

Their first day as man and wife, ErKang took ZiWei to YouYouGu.

"It's breathtaking," she murmured, drinking in the sight.

She smiled at him and let him pull her close as he helped her off the horse.

"Here is where I allowed myself to think of you most often," he murmured against her lips.

"ErKang…"

He kissed her softly before taking a step away, "come see."

They clamored over the rocks protruding into the flowing water. She pointed out the fish and turtles she saw with great enthusiasm. They ended up settling on the largest of the boulders, its surface warmed by the afternoon sun.

"It's so very peaceful," she said, soaking in the tranquility of her surroundings.

"Yes, any time I feel conflicted or annoyed or angry, I come here. It's so easy to lose track of time."

She nodded in understanding, "it's like when I play the guqin or brother plays his xiao or when XiaoYanZi goes for a gallop."

"In your company, I am reminded of YouYouGu."

"ErKang…" she was still getting used to his frankness about such things.

"I promised myself to share this place with only the most important person in my life."

"You have ever been a man of your words."

He wrapped an arm about her, "it feels like a dream still."

She turned her head and pressed a kiss to his cheeks in response.

He smiled at her, "I hope I never wake from this dream."

---

"How long will you be gone?" XiaoYanZi pouted.

"Not long," her brother replied.

"Urg, why do they need you?"

"I'm sure they don't. But HuangShang made a request and I cannot disobey."

"Request or command?" XiaoYanZi sighed at the look she received in response. "Fine. First ZiWei, now you."

"I am coming back," her brother reassured her.

XiaoYanZi just made another face.

Nonetheless, the first break he took, he noticed that she had slipped some of his favorite candies into his bundle. Grinning, he popped one into his mouth before remounting his horse.

He would never tell XiaoYanZi, but he also thought it was superfluous for him to accompany LaoFoYe and Qing-Ge-Ge on their return. They did have their own set group of guards that had accompanied them over the last two years. Still, he knew that being assigned the task was a sign of royal favor.

He found LaoFoYe to be a severe sort of woman. But then, she has had to be to rise to her position. He did catch glimpses of a softer side, usually when she smiled at Qing-Ge-Ge. His interactions with them were purely professional but he still felt that LaoFoYe held his Han origins against him. It didn't bother him. Such prejudices were not new in his experience. And it wasn't like he could change his heritage. Besides, that the emperor assigned him this task meant that the emperor did not place as much emphasis on whether he was Manchu or not. And at the end of the day, he answered to HuangShang.

He guessed that Qing-Ge-Ge must be close to his sisters' age. Indeed, he rather thought that, if given the chance, the princess could become friends with ZiWei. He was surprised to learn that Qing-Ge-Ge welcomed such an opportunity.

"How beautiful."

He lowered his xiao and stood, "Qing-Ge-Ge."

"Please, don't stand on ceremony." She put away her umbrella and sat opposite him at the table in the pogoda. "Do you make it a habit to drink alone?"

"During my travels, I got used to it."

"Travels?"

He explained about the two years he spent wandering the jianghu, "I even incorporated it into my persona."

"Oh?"

He recited the poem that he had created for himself.

She repeated the last two phrases thoughtfully, adding, "how thrilling."

"But I've since come home and accepted my duty."

"But you have not completely lost the jinghu air about you." She smiled in a self deprecating manner, "but then, what do I know of the jianghu?"

FamgYan didn't know how to answer and so fell back into his assigned role. "Did Ge Ge have a task for me?"

"Oh no. I heard the sound of your xiao and thought I'd find the source."

"Ge Ge must be careful not to catch a chill in this rain."

"It's a misty sort of rain, not enough to cause trouble. Besides, am I not beneath shelter now?"

He didn't know how to interpret her teasing smile. Clearing his throat, he asked, "Would GeGe like to listen to another song?"

"Oh yes please."

He played for her and found himself relaxing and then smiling at her genuine enjoyment.

"Beautiful," She murmured again.

They sat for a moment in companionable silence as the last note faded before she spoke again. "I am glad it's you."

"GeGe?"

"The source of the music I mean."

"Thank you."

She looked away for a moment before turning back to him with a more serious demeanor, "I've been meaning to explain, you see... LaoFoYe's curtness is not targeted at you personally."

He blinked at her apologetic tone. "I have been sent to be in service to LaoFoHe. She can thus treat me as she wishes."

Qing-er shook her head, "she would not be so severe if your sister had not married ErKang."

"What?"

"LaoFoYe had her own hopes of finding a match for ErKang."

"Oh."

Qing-er smiled at his look of understanding, "she is not someone who likes to have her plans thwarted. Never mind that I would have refused."

"You would?"

She nodded, "he came to deliver provisions over the winter. Even then, I could tell he cared for her very much. ErKang is a very focused and determined person; your sister must be a special person indeed to draw his attention."

"Whatever I say regarding my sister would of course be tinted by my own affection for her."

She smiled again, "I daresay you're right."

The wistfulness in her voice moved him to play another song.

"Thank you," she murmured quietly afterwards before standing and picking up her umbrella again.

"Anytime GeGe wishes to hear another song...I am at GeGe's disposal." He wasn't sure why he spoke.

She turned back and smiled at him before making her way into the rain again.

The night before they would return to the palace, she found him looking up at the moon.

"GeGe," he greeted her politely when he heard her footsteps.

She smiled at him, "you must be eager to return home."

"Yes. And I do have a few open cases that need resolving."

"Ah yes. Your dedication to your duties is to be commended."

He fought the urge to fidget under her steady gaze, "Would GeGe like to hear another song?"

She shook her head, "if it's not too much trouble, I wondered if I could hear some stories of your travels."

"I've always liked stories of adventure," she added when he hesitated, "and it's rare for me to meet someone who has experienced them rather than just reading about them in books and travelogues."

"My sister always complained that I'm a rather boring story teller."

"Oh."

At her look of disappointment, however, he quickly added, "but I can endeavor to try."

She beamed.

She proved an attentive listener and he found himself sharing tales he had not yet even shared with his own sisters.

"It's nice to know that the world is so much bigger than what I have seen of it," she commented when he took a break to rest his voice.

"Surely the court is a microcosm of the world."

She tilted her head, "it can be tiring, the endless petty disagreements and jealousies." She shook her head, "forgive me."

"Is GeGe not excited to return?" He dared to ask.

She sighed, "my first home was out on the wide prairies where my Ah Ma was stationed. I have only fragmented memories of such a time, but this time away from the squabbles among the women of the palace has reminded me of the glorious peacefulness that comes with quietness and prayer."

She shook her head again, "forgive me, I did not mean to sound so dissatisfied."

"GeGe has a right to feel such emotions."

"But I must never show them," she murmured.

"My sister would say that's a very tiring way to live."

She smiled a little, "I must admit, I find myself wishing to meet both your sisters."

"You are too sweet a person to be subjected to XiaoYanZi."

He coughed at the startled look in her eyes at his words, "I only meant…"

She looked down at the ground to collect herself, "you don't really mean that...your affections for both your sister is enough to make me envious that I have no siblings of my own."

"XiaoYanZi would likely demand to be sworn sisters if she decides she likes you."

"Do you think she would?"

"I don't see why not. Particularly as you don't seem to be the sort to judge her for being the way she is."

She blinked at his bluntness.

"Forgive me, GeGe, I spoke out of turn again."

"And provided an honest compliment," she answered, "there's no need to apologize for that. Although...I do hope you're less open with your opinions in other settings. Politics can be a tricky business."

"Father has taught all three of us to listen more than we speak," he reassured her, "FuDaRen and ErKang have both also been helpful in providing guidance since I returned."

"Good," she nodded before standing, "the evening has run away from me. Good night, FangYan."

"Good night, GeGe."

---

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What's Qing-GeGe like?"

"Why are you so curious?"

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "humor me."

"I thought you'd be less bored now that you have to manage the household accounts."

She made a face, "don't remind me. I don't know how ZiWei managed them without going mad."

"I thought she gave you pointers."

"She did."

"Hmmm, the servants at XueShiFu must know you by sight now."

XiaoYanZi scowled, "don't try to change the topic."

He put aside his book, "what would you like to know?"

"Is she arrogant? Spoiled? Haughty?"

"No, no, and no."

"Well that's a surprise."

"Why do you say that?"

She scoffed, "She's LaoFoYe's favorite, isn't she?"

"Yes, so?"

"So LaoFoYe is the most powerful woman in the palace. Qing-GeGe must be untouchable."

"And Wu-Ah-Ge is heavily favored by HuangShang, and yet does he not help you hand out alms to the poor every month?"

XiaoYanZi fidgeted, "don't try to change the topic."

FangYan decided to leave it be this time, "Qing-GeGe is not as you suggest."

"Then what is she like?"

"She's…" the image of her gentle smile as she listened to his playing rose in his mind, "she's kind, sweet, thoughtful. On the surface she's every inch the proper GeGe but when she does share her thoughts, she reveals her hidden depths."

"Huh."

"What?"

He repeated himself when she did not answer, adding, "stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like...like…"

She just lifted an eyebrow at him, "is she pretty?"

"She's a GeGe, it's improper for us to discuss her like this." He replied curtly.

XiaoYanZi rolled her eyes, "I'll take that as a yes."

He shook his head, "why are you so curious anyways?"

"Don't you think it's time you found a saosao (sister in law) for me?"

He should have known better than to take a sip of tea. When he was done sputtering and coughing, he could still only say, "what?"

"I've gotten used to having a sister around. With ZiWei married, the balance of gender in this household is too skewed for my comfort. And besides, you're not getting any younger."

"Has father said…"

She rolled her eyes again, "when has father ever interfered in your choices?"

He inclined his head in acknowledgement. DuanYong made his worries obvious, but he has ever supported his son.

"Well, think about it." She patted his hand in a borderline condescending manner.

"You just want to divert ShiTai's attention."

She made a face, "that has nothing to do with it!"

She then skipped out of his study.

FangYan shook his head. She still had a habit of running away from things that made her uncomfortable. He took the opportunity to nap before his evening shift. At least he was able to return home for a little while before the banquet that evening.

He found to his chagrin that sleep eluded him. Each time he closed his eyes, he couldn't help but see Qing-GeGe in his mind's eye. If ZiWei was a xian nu and XiaoYanZi the monkey king, then Qing-GeGe was the moon. She shone with her own soft light that could be easily obscured but was ever steady. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes. Why was he thinking so much about her? Maybe he just wanted a better answer for XiaoYanZi. Yes, that must be it. He laid down again but continued to stare at the canopy overhead. But if even XiaoYanZi could pick up that something was off, surely…

No. She was a GeGe. He was fully aware of his position. Like the moon, she was far away. He could look and appreciate but could never reach.

---

As ErKang's wife, ZiWei attended the banquet held in honor of LaoFoYe's return. She wondered if she imagined the slight hostility in LaoFoYe's glance.

"Huang E Niang, this is ZiWei."

"LaoFoYe ji xiang."

"Yes, HaungShang has told me much about you." the dowager empress paused a moment before turning towards ErKang, "congratulations are in order I hear."

ErKang smiled at his wife before answering, "Xie LaoFoYe."

"Hmmm…" she glanced between them before saying to ZiWei, "you look to be about my Qing-er's age, I hope you will not be a stranger to CiNingGong."

"LaoFoYe does me great honor."

The dowager empress glanced sideways at her son, "HuangShang personally vouches for you."

The emperor laughed, "ZiWei gives even zhen a challenge at weiqi! And Huang E Niang has always been fond of music of the guqin."

"Yes…"

"LaoFoYe, you have heard for yourself FangYan's skills with the xiao. Surely his sister is in possession of similar musical talents."

"You forget, Qing-er, that they are not related by blood."

"But they were raised under the same roof since young and FangYan did mention that he often plays duets with his sister."

"Then we shall put ZiWei to the test."

Qing-er smiled and nodded, "I'm sure LaoFoYe will be pleased."

LaoFoYe's expression softened as she chided her charge, "you are much too generous, Qing-er."

"Qing-er merely repeats what HuangShang has said."

The emperor laughed, "Huang E Niang has raised a good Qing-er. Zhen rests easier knowing Qing-er is ever at Huang E Niang's side."

"Ah but Qing-er has grown and cannot stay with me her whole life."

"LaoFoYe, Qing-er is willing."

"Foolish child. No, I will find you a proper bridegroom." LaoFoYe patted Qing-er's hand before turning to her son, "and this time I will not let HuangDi steal the chance away from me."

The emperor laughed, "Zhen will be sure to stay out of Huang E Niang's way."

"Hmmm…" LaoFoYe looked at ZiWei again, "and where is your brother tonight?"

It was the emperor who answered, "FangYan shows great dedication to his duties, he is the one to oversee the patrols while ErKang attends these festivities."

"Ah. HuangShang shows much trust in FangYan."

"He has shown himself to be worthy of it."

LaoFoYe made a noncommittal sound before turning to ErKang, "and how are your parents?"

"Well. They will be honored to hear of LaoFoYe's consideration."

LaoFoYe nodded in satisfaction, "you have ever been a filial child."

ZiWei, ever sensitive, decided that she hadn't been wrong in sensing LaoFoYe's dislike. She kept quiet during the rest of the conversation and did her best not to let her distress show. She should have known she would not be able to hide her feelings from her husband.

"ZiWei," he held her hands tightly in his as their carriage rumbled towards home, "if you wish to avoid such events in the future, we can."

She stared at their clasped hands, "no, that's not necessary."

He tilted her chin up, "ZiWei…"

She tried to smile, "HuangShang seems determined to treat me as a daughter, for all that I told him it's unnecessary. He is someone who is you qin you yi. I am happy for mother, that he feels enough guilt for his broken promises to try to make up for them…"

"My dear ZiWei...you are too understanding."

She leaned her cheek into his palm, "I wish I weren't sometimes. I wish I could just be DuanZiWei."

"I doubt many others sees the human side of HuangShang," he said quietly after a moment.

"LaoFoYe does."

"Yes…"

"ErKang," she bit her lip, hesitating on whether or not to ask the question that had bothered her all evening.

"Qing-er encouraged me to speak to you."

At her startled glance, he continued, "We knew each other as children. When I went to deliver goods that winter, she caught me in an unguarded moment as I thought of you. She's always been sensible and I trust her counsel. I just wish I listened to her this time and spoke to you sooner."

"Why?"

"Because then I could have saved myself many sleepless nights and much heartache."

"ErKang…"

"Qing-er is a kind soul and a good friend."

"LaoFoYe's care for her is genuine, as is her favor of you."

ErKang nodded, "Yes."

"Did you never think…"

"No." He squeezed her hands, almost tight enough to be painful, "no, ZiWei. To me, Qing-er has never been anything other than a friend. I am fond of her, yes, but as your brother is fond of you. And we are definitely not as close as you and FangYan are."

"But LaoFoYe made it rather obvious tonight that…"

"It's a thought that she has never shared with me." He looked at her downcast eyes and felt his heart ache, "ZiWei...believe me, please, I have never known what it is to love until meeting you. From the moment I saw you, I knew there would be no one else in this world for me. I still berate myself for being overly cautious and not declaring myself sooner."

"ZiWei...don't cry."

She looked up as he wiped her tears, "ErKang…"

"Shhh...you need not say anything."

She summoned her courage and pressed her lips to his, "thank you."

"You are not just DuanZiWei. You are my FuRen, my ZiWei"

---

The night was dark when FangYan finally made to leave the palace. He rolled his head and sighed in relief as his neck cracked. He was tired, not having gotten much rest, but there was comfort to be found in routine. The guards were well trained under ErKang's high standards, making his own responsibilities much easier. Still, the vigilance required of him ensured he had little attention to spare to think of anything but his assigned tasks.

He didn't expect to see her standing there with a lone lantern in her hand. "Qing-GeGe!"

"I...I found that I wasn't tired, so I decided to take a stroll."

"At this hour?" He couldn't help but ask.

"I wasn't tired," she said again.

"I should return you to CiNingGong."

She shook her head, "no, you have had a long day already. I should not add to your responsibilities."

She made to go, but his voice made her turn back again.

"Qing Ge Ge…"

"Yes?"

He took a few steps closer to her, "What troubles you?"

She shook her head and fought the urge to take a step back to maintain the distance between them, "nothing...just getting used to my bed again after so long away."

His expression indicated clearly his disbelief.

"Good night, FangYan." She tried one more time to go.

"GeGe."

She felt the tug on her lantern and her heart sped up at his closeness.

"Let me."

She relinquished her hold on the lantern. "You really don't have to…"

He just started walking without a word.

She hurried to catch up.

"Did you enjoy the festivities?"

She nodded but then realized he couldn't see, "Yes."

"Good."

They lapsed into silence once more.

"I met your sister."

He knew she meant ZiWei. "Ah."

"She and ErKang are so very happy together."

He studied her wistful expression and found his own heart aching as well.

She shook her head, "HuangShang always meant for ErKang to be an EFu. And though he does not officially carry the title…"

"Yes." FangYan didn't bother hiding the truth from her.

"I see." She added after a moment, "I am happy for them."

"Are you?"

She looked at him in surprise, "of course."

"I thought…"

She shook her head, "I am envious, not because of ErKang, but because they can have such happiness."

"Ah. You are very lonely."

"I would not admit it to anyone but you."

"I am honored."

She smiled a little, "I have shared thoughts with you I never dared to voice before, even to myself."

"I am honored." He repeated.

They walked in silence before she dared to ask quietly, "When you were traveling the jianghu, did you ever…"

"Ever what?"

She twisted her hands together, not certain how to voice her thoughts.

"GeGe?" When she didn't answer, he paused on the path. Seeing her averted eyes and flushed cheeks, he thought he understood. "I was inspired to travel not only because of a youthful fancy but also because of my birth father. His legacy as a true jianghu hero, combined with my yifu's teachings, ensures that I try to behave with all honor."

"Oh."

"Besides, my sisters would never forgive me."

"Oh." She packed so much relief into that one sound.

He paused again...could it be that… "I am a novice at matters of the heart, unlike GeGe."

"Me? What can I know of such matters?"

"GeGe once spoke of being tired of the squabbles among the Niang Niang's of the palace, surely GeGe has seen much."

"You're not wrong," she said softly after some thought, "and yet I still did not guard my own heart carefully enough."

He wondered if she meant for him to hear the latter part of her words. "GeGe?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

He thought back to their conversations during the journey back, thought of his own reactions to his sister's question, he should have realized, should have..."If it is GeGe's wish, I can pretend not to have heard."

She paused on the path to stare at him.

"GeGe has only to say the word." He hoped that would be her choice because...because he wasn't ready, wasn't ready to give her the response she wanted.

"And if I want you to have heard?"

He couldn't bear the tentative hope in her eyes, was afraid of what she would say next, "GeGe…"

She bit her lip but said, "Even if you are ignorant of matters of the heart, surely you must know that I would not normally be so forward."

"GeGe, I…" how had he not realized sooner? She had quietly, softly, without his knowing, laid claim to him. Still… "given GeGe's standing and LaoFoYe's favor, I'm certain a fitting E Fu will be found for GeGe."

"But it is an honor you have no wish for."

"GeGe…"

"Never mind," she took the lantern in hand again, "forget my words, please."

She tugged at the handle but found that he did not relinquish it.

"GeGe is so quick to decide for me?"

She drew in a sharp breath.

As with his sisters, he couldn't stand the sight of her teary eyes, "I am ignorant of matters of the heart, I hope that GeGe has the patience to teach me."

"FangYan…you don't have to say such things simply to save me from grief. With time, I'm certain I would recover…"

He tugged at the lantern handle so that she stumbled forward.

"FangYan…"

She was indeed like the moon, he decided. Her actual thoughts were so carefully shuttered after the slight widening of her eyes. He may not be ready to confront his own newly discovered feelings but...he wanted to bask in her light again.

"GeGe," he murmured, "You may recover, but I fear I would not."

"No?"

"Is it selfish of me to hope that you would not either?"

She gripped the lantern for strength, "I lied."

"Did you?"

She nodded, no longer trusting her voice.

"Good."

The nearby sound of a gong caused him to act on reflex and pull her into the shadows of the nearby rock formations after blowing out the lantern.

He waited until the eunuch declaring the hour had passed before breathing a sigh of relief.

"FangYan…"

Only then did he realize how close she was.

Immediately taking a step back, he made to apologize, "GeGe, I…"

"No," her voice was shaky, "you're right, we should not be seen alone together and at such an hour…" she glanced about, "we are close enough to CiNingGong now, I can find my way."

"GeGe," he handed her the lantern.

She took it from him, "good night, FangYan."

"Good night, GeGe."

Only when she slipped back into her room without incidence did she feel able to breathe normally again. She held her hands in front of herself, surprised to see that they remained steady. Had she really just...she had gone on an impulse and meant only to see him one last time before she had to resume her proper role as Qing GeGe. She had assumed that he would have left for home already. Instead...

He was like the storybook heroes in the adventurous tales she liked to read. She had thought it a girlish fancy at first, born from a fascination of the tales he could share. Seeing ZiWei and ErKang together that night, though, had caused an epiphany. The first notes of his xiao had been the beginning of the spell he had unknowingly woven. She half expected him to reject her, had perhaps hoped he would. Because then she could make an end of it, move on and return to her old self.

But he hadn't. Instead...how ironic it was! Was he to be the cause for her one act of rebellion? She bit her lip. What was she to do? How could she broach the topic with LaoFoYe?

FangYan made it home in a trance like state. He didn't remember settling his horse in the stable or falling asleep at all. In the brightness of daylight, he questioned his sanity. It wasn't like him to be so impulsive, that was always XiaoYanZi's realm. And yet...he shook his head. Perhaps he imagined it all. Even so, a voice in his head admonished him, there had to be a reason for such concoctions of his subconscious mind.

Enough. He shook himself. He really did have cases that required his attention.

He wasn't due to stand guard for the emperor for another month and so he was surprised at the summons from the palace but two weeks after his return. He felt a sense of panic before he saw ErKang.

"Do you know what this is about?"

ErKang shook his head, "maybe HuangShang has decided to take another trip."

"Maybe…"

He tried not to show any anxiety when he saw LaoFoYe sitting with the emperor.

"Ah good." The emperor spoke when the proper greetings had been made, "Zhen called both of you here to aid LaoFoYe in an important matter."

"My Qing-er deserves only the best. I would find someone who is wenwushuangquan. HuangShang tells me the two of you would have the most knowledge regarding the martial capabilities of your peers."

FangYan felt frozen at her words. Even if he had imagined that conversation with Qing-GeGe, he certainly couldn't deny that his instincts rebelled at the idea of putting forth any names.

Fortunately, ErKang spoke up first, "for archery, WuAhGe has the most skill. For agility, ErTai has an advantage. For sheer strength, then E Ming easily holds the title. But for most other things, I must answer LaoFoYe with the truth and say that she is already looking at the best within this room."

"You mean yourself?"

ErKang shook his head, "he and I may be more evenly matched in hand to hand combat, but FangYan's skill with a sword is without parallel and his qingong is much more flexible."

"Oh?" LaoFoYe looked at FangYan consideringly. "I did not see any special talents on our return journey."

"Fortunately, LaoFoYe' s trip was peaceful," ErKang answered smoothly, "and so FangYan had little cause to showcase his skills."

"Hmmm…"

"Zhen has seen some of the spars in the training yard, ErKang's assessment is not without merit."

"Would you agree, FangYan?"

"I have no wish to appear arrogant," he replied carefully.

"But you do agree." LaoFoYe looked at him carefully before saying, "very well. I would like to see for myself. ErKang, I trust you will arrange for it?"

"ErKang obeys."

"But discreetly. I will not have my Qing-er be offered up like a common good."

"Of course," ErKang agreed easily.

"Good."

The two young men took their leave, FangYan still a little shaken.

"Even AhMa could not have predicted how well you would do."

"What?"

ErKang smiled, "HuangShang hardly ever makes decisions lightly."

"You're saying…"

ErKang shrugged, "we can only make conjectures. HuangShang always thought well of you and since finding out about ZiWei...he seems bent on giving her the privileges she has rejected. He must know ZiWei would refuse any boons for herself but for her family…"

"Oh."

"Of course, it helps that your own merits and accomplishments make you worthy."

"But..."

"LaoFoYe will take some convincing, but I believe in your abilities. Well, I'd better go plan!"

FangYan wandered the imperial gardens a little longer, trying to gather his thoughts. If what ErKang said was true, then he was chosen deliberately, if only so LaoFoYe would know his name. He was torn between feeling honored and appalled. But then, he was but HuangShang's loyal chengzi. And surely…surely HuangShang wished to protect ZiWei. What better way than to squash any possibility of LaoFoYe interfering with ZiWei's marriage to ErKang. In such a context, the promotion of his father's and his own titles made sense.

A flash of color caught the corner of his eyes. Was that...he hesitated but then followed his instincts and stepped around the hedges.

"Qing-GeGe."

"FangYan."

He couldn't help but notice the whiteness of her knuckles as she gripped her basket tightly.

"I…" they both started at the same time.

He coughed and indicated for her to speak first, "GeGe."

"I…" she paused again, not knowing the words to say.

He dared to take a step closer, "So it wasn't a dream?"

She looked up at him and shook her head, "unless we had the same one."

"Oh."

"I…" she took a deep breath, "We can pretend it was, if you would prefer."

It was tempting. It would be easier, to just go back to the roles expected of them rather then plunge forward into the unknown. "Is that GeGe's choice?"

"I…" she bit her lip before giving a minuscule shake of her head.

It was more real somehow, to see her confirmation of the shifting nature of their relationship in the open daylight. "I have no prior experiences to guide me," he told her, "I don't know anything about wooing a lady, let alone a GeGe…"

"I don't need to be wooed."

"No?"

She shook her head, "I just need you to be honest and true."

"Your wants are so simple," he observed.

"Are they?"

He paused. In the context of her upbringing, the duplicity she must see on a daily basis, the way life in the palace must have molded her, maybe not. Something she had said before came to him then, "You just wish for a simple life."

Her nerves calmed at his words. She knew he would understand.

His gaze softened, "GeGe…"

"I know," she cut in, "I know you're a man of action, of adventure. I do not ask you to abandon your chosen path, the good you can do at DaLiSi despite the dangers into which your investigations take you. I just…"

"I'll tell you about them, when I am able," he promised.

"I do like stories."

"I know," he smiled at her.

"I'd better go," she said softly after a moment, "before these flowers wilt from lack of water."

"I could walk you back."

She shook her head, "I'm sure you have duties of your own. Besides, I would like to avoid being the topic of rumors."

"As you wish."

He smiled when she glanced back once and blushed when she noticed him watching.

She was long gone from view before he moved from his spot. He squared his shoulders; whatever the emperor's motivation, he was glad to be chosen.

The delegation from Tibet took precedence, however. Though, FangYan thought to himself, it was ironic that LaoFoYe would get her wish to see the martial prowess of the various imperial guards for herself regardless. He cheered with the rest of his group when ErTai finally managed to gain a victory for the Qing delegation.

Despite himself, he felt his gaze drawn towards the dais that held Qing-er. From such a distance, she was but a splash of pale blue. As always, she sat demurely behind LaoFoYe, quietly watching. He was glad ZiWei was at her side, a comforting figure in lavender. He wasn't surprised that they had become friends, had apologized to his sister for not informing her of the attachment he had formed.

He smiled a little, thinking on ZiWei's look of reproach, the closest she would ever get to scolding him for keeping a development of such magnitude from her. XiaoYanZi was of course more vociferous about her thoughts on the matter. Her annoyance at not being able to attend such an exciting gathering, however, soon took dominance.

"Ready?" ErKang slapped him in a brotherly fashion on the shoulder.

FangYan nodded.

"Don't show off too much now," ErKang warned.

"When have I ever been anything but efficient?"

ErKang laughed, "But you're putting on a performance for both LaoFoYe and Qing-er."

"Qing-GeGe would rather that I be out of danger as soon as possible. ZiWei would agree. Don't forget that when it's your turn."

ErKang also looked in the direction of the dais, "I won't."

XiaoYanZi made gagging noises sometimes in jest, when ZiWei and ErKang were particularly sickening with their sweetness. FangYan was more philosophical about it. He was happy both to be assured of his sister's happiness and to be shown the depth of his friend's dedication. He might have also been silently taking notes; Qing-er deserved to be wooed. He wasn't one to speak of his emotions so readily, but he wished to give no cause for her to doubt him. Particularly as their opportunities to see each other without raising suspicion were few. ZiWei had offered to serve as their letter courier and he had found it much easier to write words than say them.

The sound of a gong marked the signal for when the arena was ready for the next match. He carefully cleared his mind before stepping forward.

It was exhilarating, to be competing against someone using such a different style of fighting. His opponent landed hits that would no doubt leave bruises, but FangYan had learned the power of adaptability in the two years of his travels.

"Saving the best for last, eh?" ErKang said lightly when he passed FangYan.

FangYan snorted, "that's not what you told LaoFoYe."

"A purely self indulgent move."

FangYan just shoved him good-naturedly.

ErKang was more traditional in the forms he chose but his skill was also obvious. FangYan smiled with his peers as the match drew to a close, marking the end of the competition.

No one expected Princess SaiYa to enter the arena herself and yell out her own challenge.

"Does she remind you of someone?" ErKang asked his friend.

FangYan tilted his head, "You mean XiaoYanZi."

"What about XiaoYanZi?" ErTai asked.

"Just that the princess reminds us of her," ErKang answered.

ErTai looked towards the princess; she was being rather animated. Interestingly enough, her countrymen seemed wildly supportive of their princess. He stood suddenly.

"Where are you going?"

"To answer her challenge."

They watched as he bowed to the princess before entering into a fighting stance. FangYan raised an eyebrow at ErKang, "that was devious of you."

"I don't know what you mean."

FangYan snorted. It hadn't escaped his notice that both Wu-Ah-Ge and ErTai seemed entranced by his sister. He knew, from conversations with ZiWei, that she saw it too. He wondered sometimes if XiaoYanZi truly was as oblivious as she seemed.

"ErTai has made his choice it seems."

ErKang continued to watch his brother in lieu of making a reply.

FangYan also watched. The princess had enough bravado but her obvious frustration as ErTai consistently avoided the swings of her whip was starting to make her clumsy. He was familiar enough with ErTai's skills to be able to tell that he was not putting forth all his effort. From the increasingly haphazard way the princess took the offensive, she seemed to be aware of it too.

"I have to admit," FangYan said to his friend, "I had hoped to call ErTai brother one day too."

"He's already your brother, through marriage no less."

"You know what I mean."

ErKang inclined his head, "it would have been the easier way."

FangYan sighed. Yes. It would have been. "Despite their camaraderie, ErTai never forgets that Yongqi is Wu-Ah-Ge."

"You do not either."

FangYan sighed again. XiaoYanZi could act like a 大家闺秀 when she bothered to put forth the effort. The trouble was, she rarely felt it was necessary. And he had to admit, he found it odd whenever she did decide to behave.

"Ah, HuangShang has finally called for an end."

FangYan looked towards the arena again. Yes, ErTai was bowing again. But the princess just turned around and haughtily made her way back to her father's side.

"Good show, ErTai." Some of the other guards called out.

ErTai just smiled and took another bow.

"She's got a good foundation," he shared as the three made to clean and change their clothing in preparation for the banquet that was planned, "but she lets her emotions interfere too much."

"You sound like you were having fun." FangYan observed.

ErTai shrugged, "it was fun. She can swear like a common soldier."

"A most unusual princess," ErKang noted.

"Yes." ErTai did not elaborate further.

It wasn't a matter of which they spoke directly. There was no point really. They each knew that choice was a matter of chance. ErKang likely believed it was a matter of fate that he could marry ZiWei. FangYan felt certain that the emperor didn't think about love at all when it came to Qing-er. Even LaoFoYe, whose affection for Qing-er was genuine, surely looked more for suitability of talents and position rather than personal compatibility.

The similarities between SaiYa and XiaoYanZi was also not lost on ZiWei. Qing-er was as poised and gracious as ever in attempting to make the visiting princess's stay more comfortable, but ZiWei could tell that they had little common interests. And so, when SaiYa expressed hopes of seeing the city, ZiWei offered her sister's services.

"It would make more sense," Qing-er observed, "despite her liveliness, Princess SaiYa is still a lady. ZiWei and her sister have also lived in the city most of their lives and can serve as better guides. They would surely know both where the most entertaining but also safest attractions are."

The emperor nodded thoughtfully but still insisted on sending ErKang, ErTai, FangYan, and Yongqi as extra protection.

"Maybe you'd like to accompany SaiYa as well, Qing-er?"

Qing-er startled at the emperor's suggestion.

"Go on," LaoFoYe said with a smile, "you should be with youngsters your own age rather than remaining with an old woman like me."

"LaoFoYe isn't old at all!"

The dowager empress laughed at her protest but shook her head, "I've been a grandmother many times over! I have to admit though, I am most looking forward to a child from you to spoil."

"LaoFoYe…"

Her blush gained her another smile, "besides, I'd like to take the opportunity finally to rest and get some peace and quiet!"

"Splendid!" The emperor laughed, "I shall inform Ba Luo Ben."

---

XueShiFu was the meeting point and XiaoYanZi could barely contain her energy as she rode towards the estate with her brother.

"What's the Princess like? Do you think she'll wear her Tibetan gear or our Han clothing? I think you said she uses a whip too? I wonder if she'd spar with me. Should I even ask? It's a diplomat trip for her after all. I wouldn't like to start a war…."

FangYan laughed, "take a breath, meimei, or else you'll exhaust yourself before you even meet the princess."

"Well it's just so exciting. Do remind me to thank ZiWei later! She's just the very best sister, isn't she?"

"Although she won't thank you if you do start a war," he responded dryly.

"Oh I'll behave, I promise! I won't lose face for you or ZiWei or father or the dynasty."

He smiled at her, "I know you won't."

"I am capable of self regulation," she said, unexpectedly serious all of a sudden.

"I know." He repeated.

"Oh!" The moment passed as quickly as it came, "I'll get to meet Qing-GeGe too, won't I?!"

"Yes."

She grinned broadly, "No wonder you woke me so early this morning."

"I just didn't want to be tardy for the sake of national security."

"Uh huh."

"Come on, we're almost there."

"Even now, so eager!"

He ignored her teasing best that he could.

Her good humor returned, XiaoYanZi laughed and urged her horse forward as her brother bid.

She was in her element as the nominal tour guide for the outing. They went to a puppet show first.

"Brother makes fun of me for so juvenile a preference, but I've always liked seeing stories in action," she whispered in a conspiring manner to SaiYa.

The visiting princess watched, fascinated, as the tale unfolded. She had seen the more traditional operas in the palace and was astounded at the difference in reaction from the audience. The crowd did not hesitate from yelling out insults to the villain or laughing out loud at the mishaps of the clumsy hero. She decided she liked this format much better and said as much.

XiaoYanZi grinned broadly as she nudged her brother, "see, SaiYa understands. Entertainment is meant to be enjoyed, how else would the performers know they're appreciated?"

"You just prefer more raucous settings."

"She does have a point," Qing-er said in her quiet way to FangYan.

"Don't let her confidence sway you," ZiWei warned, "XiaoYanZi always shares her opinions with such certainty that you can't help but agree with her."

"Hey," XiaoYanZi protested, only to be shushed by SaiYa as the climactic fight scene started.

They followed XiaoYanZi to the market place next as she skillfully navigated the crowd to the best performers and stalls with activities.

"You're very familiar with the entertainers," SaiYa observed even as she examined the bracelet she had just won.

"Of course she is," ErKang remarked, "she has never been one to be satisfied with just staying home with her embroidery."

XiaoYanZi just shrugged, "you say it like it's a bad thing."

"I understand your restlessness," SaiYa said with conviction, "I'd much prefer riding my horse than sitting inside."

"Excellent!" XiaoYanZi exclaimed, "that's the plan for the afternoon. But first, a spot of lunch! And I know just the place!"

"XiaoYanZi!" The woman at the counter greeted the group with a grin, "long time no see!"

"LiuHong, I bring lots of customers for you today."

"So I see!" She nodded to the group even as she called for a XiaoHu to seat them.

"Bring out all your best dishes, alright?"

LiuHong laughed, "certainly!"

"How do you know the proprietors?" SaiYa asked.

To her surprise, XiaoYanZi blushed.

"They started as a side stand, selling sweet tofu." FangYan answered for her, "XiaoYanZi tried to hire LiuHong full time. Father wouldn't let her."

"I still don't see why not," XiaoYanZi grumbled.

ZiWei smilingly continued, "it would have been of great insult to LiuMaMa, our cook. She's been with the family since before I can remember."

"LiuMaMa never liked me."

"Only because you literally burnt down her kitchen."

"I was seven!" XiaoYanZi protested.

"How did you manage such a thing?" Qing-er asked curiously.

"She doesn't know, she never does." FangYan teased.

"Things just tend to happen when I'm around," XiaoYanZi sighed, causing her companions to laugh.

"About LiuHong?" SaiYa reminded them of the original topic.

"Right," FangYan continued, "XiaoYanZi later ran into LiuHong and her brother performing in the streets for another source of income and learned that the two had taken in many elders and orphans. She wanted to help."

"Brother and I were both orphans, after all," XiaoYanZi shrugged, "before father took us in."

"She learned that the siblings' dream was to own their own restaurant and inn." ZiWei explained, "and independently asked around about real estate in the city."

"We wouldn't have found out about it if it weren't for a rather loud argument that was in danger of descending into blows. I happened to be passing by on an errand and could rescue her." FangYan continued seamlessly.

"I would have managed quite well by myself," XiaoYanZi scowled at the memory, "that man was quite clearly bluffing. All talk and no substance."

"Anyways," FangYan interrupted, "we asked father and with his help, HuiBingLou came to be."

"It's been XiaoYanZi's pet project ever since; she's not above performing to attract business herself." ZiWei concluded.

"You have a generous heart," Qing-er praised.

XiaoYanZi fidgeted, "it's for a good cause. Oh look! Our food is here!"

FangYan and ZiWei traded a look; their sister could be boastful but when faced with honest praise, she did tend to be bashful.

A young man approached their table after all the plates were laid out, "the meal wouldn't be complete without our best wine!"

"LiuQin, you and LiuHong should join us!"

LiuQin laughed, "I appreciate the offer, but thanks to you and your siblings, we've been much too busy."

XiaoYanZi had recovered from her earlier embarrassment, "Brother failed to mention of course, that he's been bringing his colleagues from work here as well. He and ZiWei will sometimes perform duets as well."

FangYan cleared his throat, "the quality of the food and the service is without equal."

"As XiaoYanZi said, it's for a good cause," ZiWei added.

LiuQin laughed again, "LiuHong and I are and will always be grateful. Should you need anything else, just let us know!"

"The Duan family is known for their generosity," ErKang shared after LiuQin departed. "The Duan sisters in particular are known for their beauty and kindness. I've heard them be compared to living pu-sa."

"ZiWei may fit that description, but I certainly don't." XiaoYanZi protested while ZiWei blushed at the look of obvious fondness from her husband.

"No, you'd much rather be called a nu xia ke."

XiaoYanZi grinned at Yongqi, "uh huh."

SaiYa tilted her head at them, "I thought your culture demanded that women stay close to home and hearth."

"Cultural dictates never seemed to matter to XiaoYanZi." FangYan said dryly.

"Enough," XiaoYanZi said as she picked up her chopsticks, "It wouldn't do to be wasteful and let the food get cold!"

The dishes were much plainer than the ones served in the palace, but SaiYa found herself not minding at all. It was a refreshing change, just like XiaoYanZi. She had thought Qing-er and ZiWei were nice, but had easily dismissed them as boring. This girl, however, clearly could hold her own. She wondered if XiaoYanZi even noticed that she was able to influence everyone to behave less properly and more naturally. SaiYa decided that she wanted to get to know this girl more.

And so, when they finally arrived at the grass field outside the city, she wasted no time challenging her to a race. XiaoYanZi was quick to agree and the two shot off on their respective horses. ErTai and Yongqi exchanged a look before mounting two other horses and chasing after them.

"I sense trouble," ErKang said to his wife as he helped her from the carriage.

ZiWei shook her head, "XiaoYanZi is more mature than the image she projects. Since we married, she's had to take on even more responsibilities. Don't underestimate her."

"Who would have thought your sister could be such a good diplomat?"

"Only because SaiYa is unlike any of the Qing dynasty princesses."

ErKang looked into the distance where the riders were already just small specks against the green grass. "Hmmm, that she is."

"But ErTai does not seem to mind," she murmured.

"ErTai had always been tolerant. He is also more dutiful than I am."

"Oh?" She didn't hide her surprise.

He reached down and plucked a blossom to tuck behind her ear, "he is able to prevent his emotions from clouding his judgement."

She let him lace their fingers together, "he is rather sensible, isn't he?"

"I used to think I was too. But then I met you."

She looked into the distance, "who will Wu-Ah-Ge choose to emulate I wonder."

He squeezed her hand, "the time to make a choice will be sooner than he wishes."

"Because HuangShang intends to name him QinWang."

ErKang nodded.

"HuangHou Niang Niang will not be happy."

His hold on her hand tightened, "has she…"

ZiWei shook her head, "no. She's suspicious, of course, and RongMoMo's gaze is always hostile. As the mistress of the inner palace, she must have known about ShuFangZhai. And after that one incident when HuangShang raised his voice to her on my behalf, she's been even more resentful but also too frightened of completely losing favor to try again."

"I still can't believe she had you kneel in the sun for that long."

ZiWei smiled a little, "she only hurt herself. Besides, HuangShang was none too quiet when he noted that you were like another son and thus your wife was as a daughter to him. Qing-er speculated that HuangHouNiangNiang still thinks me the worst kind of vixen, in league with LingFeiNiangNiang to ensure favor for your family."

ErKang rubbed her knuckles, "I'm sorry you have become embroiled in such intrigue."

ZiWei shook her head, "she's not completely wrong."

"Still, it does not agree with your nature to consider such things."

"Even now, you think too well of me."

"Impossible," his voice was full of earnestness, "you are kindness personified."

She smiled, long having given up trying to change his mind. "I'm just glad that with Qing-Er's help, LaoFoYe has formed her own opinions of me rather than just listen to HuangHouNiangNiang. That she lets the servants calling me ZiWeiGeGe is sign enough that she at least tolerates me."

"I have noticed that."

"It feels odd." She confessed.

"Even though it is your birthright?"

ZiWei shook her head again, "I don't want it."

"It would not be a betrayal to your father if you did."

ZiWei met his understanding gaze. "Perhaps if I didn't grow up with a father, I would have jumped at the chance to call HuangShang HuangAhMa. As it is…" she sighed, her relationship with her birth father was complicated. The emperor shielded her, interceded on her behalf, treated her with true kindness...her heart wasn't made of stone. Still, a part of her always wondered if he was just behaving out of guilt.

"Your father is a good man."

ZiWei nodded, "Yes and HuangShang is a great one. Unlike father, he does not have the luxury of just being a husband and father. Sometimes I wonder whether mother would have been happy if she had returned to BeiJing with HuangShang."

He squeezed her hand again, "We cannot know such things. But I am still certain of one thing."

"Oh?"

"I would have married you regardless."

"Oh?" She repeated.

He nodded with conviction, "You see, the heavens knew of your existence and saw fit to have your father return to JiNan when he did. The gods were merely acting through him to ensure that you would come to BeiJing. They knew that at a certain preordained time and place, we would meet."

"I do not think the life of a mere mortal is so important."

"You are not just a mere mortal but the dragon's daughter."

"Would you still love me if I were just plain ZiWei?"

"Of course," ErKang declared without hesitation, "I loved you before I ever knew of your 身份. As long as you felt the same, I was ready to fight HuangShang himself for you."

"Such foolishness. It would have brought so much calamity to your family and undone so many generations of loyal service."

"Hence I said ErTai is the more dutiful son."

"ErKang…" her burst of alarm left her quickly. ZiWei believed him. It frightened her sometimes, the power she held over him. It was fortunate that E Ming was on duty that day in the sun. ErKang would have surely struck the empress where she stood.

She looked around them, they had walked quite the distance from the carriage as they talked. Standing on tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, "who am I to reject the very heavens' plans?"

He pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her lips in response, "you were always destined to be my wife."

---

Qing-er looked around in delight as she hopped down from the carriage, "oh it's beautiful! I've never seen so many wild flowers!"

"Watch your footing," FangYan warned her as she explored, "the ground can be uneven."

She smiled at him, her hand still cupped around a blossom, "I assume you come here often?"

He nodded, "it's a favorite with all three of us."

"I can easily see why," Qing-er drew in a deep breath of fresh air.

"I wish I could have brought you here sooner."

She smiled at him again, "well, I'm here now, aren't I?"

"Yes, yes you are." Heavens she was beautiful. The thought struck him suddenly and he walked closer to her, "Qing-er…"

"Do you know," she whispered, "it's the first time I've heard you call me by name."

"Is it? I've written it plenty of times."

"Yes...I've had to burn your letters each time, but seeing my name written in your hand always makes my day brighter." She confessed.

"Does hearing me say your name have the same effect?"

She looked up at him shyly and could only nod.

"Qing-er, Qing-er, Qing-er…" he repeated obligingly.

She found that she had to look away from his gaze. In doing so, she realized that they were alone together. She flushed even more.

The touch of his hand on hers made her return her gaze to him, "come on, let me show you something."

"Are we going towards that tree?" She asked when she had recovered her ability to speak.

He nodded, "I taught XiaoYanZi to climb trees here. ZiWei was so worried, but XiaoYanZi was like a true monkey and took to it like a natural. That was the first time I called her SunWuKong."

She boosted herself onto the lowest branch, which obligingly ran parallel to the ground as though it wanted to serve as a seat, and swung her legs.

He smiled at seeing this carefree side of her. She was always so demure in the company of LaoFoYe.

"One can truly breath out here," she murmured.

He nodded as he settled next to her. "Yes."

She smiled shyly at him, "thank you for all the stories you sent."

"Of course," he answered.

They sat in silence some more before she declared, "this is ridiculous."

"What is?"

She looked at him, "this awkwardness between us. We've surely shared more personal thoughts on paper."

"It's easier for me," he confessed, "to write what I feel."

"Me too," she agreed, "so we should not force ourselves. Besides, what is between us is so precious that I almost feel as though it would be lost should we bring attention to it."

"I've been trying to take my cues from ErKang," he said sheepishly.

She smiled at him fondly, "It's new for both of us. But I think we can manage it our own way."

He reached across and took her hand in his again, "thank you for understanding."

"Neither of us are the type to flaunt. And what we have is so private a matter."

"Even though my sisters have made it their business too."

Qing-er laughed, "XiaoYanZi isn't the type to be subtle, is she?"

"What do you think of her?"

"I feel like I already know her, from your letters. Meeting her in person..." She gazed around at the flowers again, "she's not unlike these flowers. Seemingly growing wildly, undisciplined, untamed, but so vibrant and beautiful in their own way."

"I shudder to think what she might have been like had father not found her and taught her restraint."

"She has a good heart," Qing-er observed.

XiaoJian chuckled, "XiaoYanZi is always full of noble intentions. It's just in the actual practice of things where she always manages to get into scrapes."

"Someone has to keep you on your toes," she teased.

"Father says that the heavens always strikes for balance; so XiaoYanZi was sent as a reminder for him never to take ZiWei or me for granted."

"Your father sounds like a wise man."

XioaJian smiled, "Father would credit ZiWei's grandfather."

"He would like you," he added after a moment.

"Because I would ensure that the balance is kept?"

He nodded, "Particularly as XiaoYanZi has decided she likes you."

"She has only just met me."

He grinned, "She has bothered ZiWei enough for information about you. And though she talks back to most people, including father and me, she's always listened to ZiWei."

"She hasn't bothered you?"

"She's tried to."

She laughed at the smug expression on his face.

"As you say," he responded, "it is so private a thing."

She leaned her head on his shoulder and smiled when she felt him press a kiss to the top of her head. It truly was a lovely day.

---

A month was not very long to get to know someone. But ErTai felt that he didn't necessarily need more time. He and SaiYa would be married regardless. His brother had looked at him with sympathy when HuangShang announced that XiaoYanZi would be accompanying them back to Tibet for the year. He had even given her a junzhu title for the sake of diplomatic equality. ErKang didn't understand though, that ErTai could find XiaoYanZi fascinating and enjoy her company without being in love with the girl.

She was an anomaly, of course he noticed her. Just as he appreciated ZiWei and Qing-er, however, so he never thought much more about XiaoYanZi. Particularly as it had been obvious even those years ago when Yongqi first saw her in the palace that his friend felt more than simple intrigue. He rather thought that a separation was a good thing. Yongqi was intelligent and gifted, but the prince did not yet have the hardness required in a ruler. Besides, XiaoYanZi certainly showed no hesitation when SaiYa had made the offer.

Unbeknownst to ErTai, XiaoYanZi did have some reservations.

"I've never travelled so far from home," XiaoYanZi said to her sister, "I've never been without either you or brother to clean up after me or try to restrain me. What if...what if I make a laughingstock of myself?"

"Is it the prospect of embarrassing yourself or losing face for our family and the dynasty that troubles you more?"

XiaoYanZi made a face. ZiWei always had a way of getting to the heart of problems.

"I think it's time our little bird left the nest for a little while."

"I've always wanted an adventure…" XiaoYanZi plopped into a chair, "it would be too much to ask for brother to wait to marry Qing-er until I returned, wouldn't it?"

ZiWei laughed softly, "It's not up to brother, as you well know. Though LaoFoYe is unlikely to reject your idea."

"So there's hope?"

"Brother and Qing-er are both very patient, but I think this is one matter on which they may appreciate haste."

XiaoYanZi knew her sister was right. "They're less obvious than you and ErKang, but they do look so content together."

"Maybe you'll bring back a warrior of your own."

XiaoYanZi laughed at the idea, "No, I decided long ago that I'll just be the corrupting aunt; all the fun and none of the responsibilities!"

"Hmm, I don't know. Now that you're a junzhu, you'll be quite the catch."

"Urg. Don't remind me. I know why you refused a title now. So many rules to learn!"

ZiWei chuckled, "The better you learn them, the better you can figure out how to bend the rules."

XiaoYanZi looked at her in surprise.

"SaiYa will likely encourage it. She invited you because you're not like the proper princesses."

XiaoYanZi looked thoughtful, "I suppose…"

She turned towards her sister again, "ZiWei...father…"

"I'll visit often," ZiWei reassured her sister, "father has ever encouraged us to find our own paths."

"He could have never imagined where mine would go though."

"No one could have predicted it."

"True enough."

XiaoYanZi sighed, "I will miss you all."

"Just think of the stories you'll be able to tell."

XiaoYanZi chewed on her lip, "I am making the right choice?"

ZiWei squeezed her hand, "does it feel right?"

XiaoYanZi nodded.

"Fret not. ErTai will be there to ensure you don't cause too much embarrassment."

XiaoYanZi perked up at the reminder, "I won't be completely alone."

She returned home to see Yongqi waiting for her.

"What are you doing here?"

"To give you some books," he gestured to the pile on the table.

"Oh."

"I tried to pick out the most updated and relevant ones about Tibet, so you won't be a complete stranger to their culture."

"That's very thoughtful of you. Thank you."

"XiaoYanZi…"

"Hmmm?" She was already perusing through the titles.

"I…" he clasped his hands behind his back so that he wouldn't be tempted to hug her close, "I hope you have a good journey."

"I'm not leaving forever."

"It'll feel like it," he muttered.

"What?"

"I know," he said louder.

"Don't look so worried. I will be on my best behavior."

How could he tell her that her absence meant his whole world will become dimmer?

She set down the book in her hand and moved close enough to push at his cheeks in an effort to capture the semblance of a smile. She giggled at the resulting expression and let go quickly, "awful."

He caught a wrist in hand, "XiaoYanZi…"

Her gaze was so clear, "hmmm?"

He managed to muster a more reasonable smile, "better?"

"Much," she declared before dancing away, "come on, we may have time for one last good gallop before I must go back to packing."

He let her slip from his grasp, "I have to go back. Huang Ah Ma is expecting my report."

"Oh."

Her crestfallen expression made him want to overthrow his sense of duty.

"Ah well, then you'll owe me one when I return." She perked up quickly, "promise?"

"I promise." he vowed.

She grinned again, "good."

"Oh!"

He turned back at the doorway.

"I won't let any harm come to your books."

"Promise?" his smile was much more genuine this time.

"Promise," she nodded resolutely.

In his carriage, Yongqi found himself putting his own fingers where hers had been. Each time he thought he was close to telling her how he felt, he would remember the first words she had ever spoken to him. She did not want to be in a golden cage. And he...with all that was expected of him, that was all he had to offer. The way they were, the easy companionship between them, it was enough. He sighed. He knew he was lying to himself. He clasped his hands in his lap; maybe it'll get easier.

He should have known it would be wishful thinking. He was named QinWang that winter. Soon after, a FuJin and a ce FuJin were picked out for him with the wedding date set for the following summer. He tried not to think too much of it and did manage to ignore it for the most part. But as he watched FangYan lead the wedding party from CiNingGong, Qing-er seated within the bridal carriage, his heart ached. When he saw ErKang and ZiWei smile at each other, ErKang's arm held protectively around his wife and future child, he felt like throwing the cup in his hand against a wall. When he eventually returned to his estate, he called for a flask of wine and toasted the rising sun. He wasn't completely sober, but it felt good to drown himself in self pity.

He was far too careful to stay sober during his own wedding; he was too afraid of letting something slip had he been inebriated. His brides were beautiful and demure and accommodating. They were proper and accomplished and...utterly boring. He tried to be kind to them; they did not deserve to bear the burden of his dissatisfaction. He should have felt something other than relief when he learned that they were both with child. He withstood the teasing from his brothers at the speed with which such an event occurred.

He thought he was an attentive husband but he was proven wrong when his FuJin suddenly fell sick and died, along with his child. FangYan, with his reputation as the most successful detective at DaLiSi and his lack of fear when dealing with suspects with some power, was assigned the case. His ce FuJin had tearfully professed her innocence and, given that she was truly ill with extreme nausea from the twins she was carrying, was believed. The evidence was difficult to compile, but FangYan was nothing if not thorough. The emperor's anger was swift and even LaoFoYe did not feel inclined to try too hard to save the empress from disgrace.

The Sirin Gioro family was given satisfaction, but Yongqi felt only numb. It had not hit him until then that he was to be a father. All care was taken to keep his ce FuJin from harm, but they could not prevent nature from taking its course. The birthing was long and difficult, as one of the twins was in breech position. Mother and child would both be lost. But little MianYi proved a survivor. As he held his son in his arms, Yongqi felt the full force of his guilt. Was this how HuangAhMa had felt when he found out about ZiWei? He had not been the husband he ought to have been. But this child, this fledgling of a life, was innocent. He would never know want for attention or love.

LaoFoYe wished to find him a replacement wife and a new mother for MianYi, but Yongqi felt surely that he was cursed. He felt certain that he would never marry again, never subject anyone else to the possibility of death. Least of all XiaoYanZi.

She returned, a year and a half later than intended, but she did return. SaiYa showed off her daughter proudly and ErTai was obviously wrapped around the child's little fingers. Who would have thought that the girl to hold ErTai's heart could barely talk?

Yongqi's attention though, was on XiaoYanZi. He drank in the sight of her, at the grin he had missed so much, and basked in the warmth that always emanated from her. She had never been one for self-doubt, but she carried herself with more certainty now. She very much looked the part of a junzhu. Noting the glances of the young men around him, he could tell he wasn't the only one who noticed.

But she was still very much the same XiaoYanZi when she came unannounced to RongQinWangFu.

"Here are your books, none the worse for the distance travelled," she said proudly as she set them on his desk, not with a thump as she would have done in the past but gently.

He made a great show of inspecting each and every one. She watched with far more patience than she would have shown before she departed.

"Well? Do they pass inspection?"

"I suppose so," he had no trouble falling back into their playful banter.

She rolled her eyes at him, "and don't think I've forgotten that you still owe me a gallop. I've become a much better rider these past years...that is, if HuangShang is not expecting another report?"

"It can wait," he said resolutely.

She smiled and watched as he gave instructions to the servants.

"What?" he asked as he noticed her watching.

"You look very commanding, a proper QinWang."

"And you look very self-assured, a proper JunZhu."

The appearance of his chief eunuch disrupted the moment, "WangYe, the nursemaid has arrived."

"Oh." He had forgotten he had asked to see his son.

"Show her in," XiaoYanZi said.

The eunuch looked at Yongqi, who nodded.

XiaoYanZi drew close to the bundle cradled in the nursemaid's arms. "He has your eyes," she murmured softly.

He took a step towards her and noticed an odd sort of expression. "Would you like to hold him?"

She stared at him uncertainly for a moment before nodding. "What's his name?"

"MianYi."

"MianYi," she repeated, "hello little MianYi."

There was such a profound look of tenderness on her face as she gazed down at his son. And it hit him forcefully in that moment, how right the picture of them together was.

"I think he likes you," he managed to say.

XiaoYanZi continued to smile at the child, "I learned with SaiYa's little princess that babies tend to like looking at happy faces. Little MianYi, has your father been keeping up with his smiling? Or is the sight so rare that you would stare at me in so serious a manner?"

"He's a rather handsome fellow," XiaoYanZi remarked after nursemaid returned with MianYi to the nursery.

"Like his father."

XiaoYanZi laughed, "come on, we've got a gallop that's much overdue."

She flopped onto the grass afterwards, gazing up at the sky. "The sky does look the same."

He sat down next to her, "Does it?"

"It does," she confirmed, "I was homesick. Not in the beginning, of course, since it was all so exciting. But eventually. It helped, to remember that the people most important to me could look up and see the same sky."

"You were sorely missed."

She turned her head and squinted a little against the sunshine behind him, "but life did not pause just because I wasn't here."

He moved to lie down next to her, "even HuangAhMa has no control over the passing of time."

"I'm sorry for your losses," she said softly.

He just stared at the clouds overhead.

She reached over and clasped his hand in hers, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you through such a difficult time."

"I'm not," he said flatly.

"What?"

"If you were here, I don't think I would have gone through with it all."

"Yongqi…"

He turned towards her, "XiaoYanZi...when I got married, every step of the way, with every rite, I thought of you. My wives...I tried to treat them well, but they were never you and I...there were times I couldn't bear the disappointment."

She turned back towards the sky. "Some of SaiYa's brothers and cousins expressed interest in marrying me. I thought they were joking at first. SaiYa told them off even before I fully realized not all of them were. In private, though, she told me she'd be less severe if I asked."

"Did you ever ask?"

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"They weren't you," she said simply.

"XiaoYanZi…"

She smiled sheepishly as she looked at him again, "it took me the better part of a year to realize it though."

He threw caution to the wind and rolled on top of her, "XiaoYanZi…"

She just stared up at him with a softness in her eyes that he had never seen.

He was only human and kissed her perhaps with more fervor than he should have. It took every ounce of his will to tear his lips away from hers.

"I'm sorry…"

"Why?"

"You're still a maiden and I…" He sat up again, taking deep breaths so that he could get himself under control. He could hear the rustling as she also changed positions.

"I told father once that I would never fall in love because I didn't like to give anyone that much power. But...I trust you."

"You shouldn't."

"I've done plenty of things I shouldn't."

"This is different."

"I trust you," she repeated, adding "I trust in your sense of honor."

"I don't want to be honorable."

She had never seen his eyes so dark and involuntarily shuddered.

He closed his eyes again and took meditative breaths.

"I don't want MianYi to grow up having to always look over his shoulder for hidden plots and second guess his own kin. I just want him to have a happy, fulfilling life. I want...I want you to teach him how to laugh, to live in the moment, to keep a pure heart...but everything I touch seem to crumble to dust. I can't...I can't do that to you."

He looked at her imploringly, "do you understand?"

She scowled at him, "not with this curse stuff again."

"What?"

She hit him on the arm, "ZiWei and Qing-er both warned me. You're being an idiot."

"What?" he was too startled to feel angry.

"It's not your fault. HuangHou never liked you, you told me yourself. Of course she was jealous that you were the first of your brothers to be made QinWang. No one could have predicted that she'd stoop so low…"

"I could have. I know what the women of the palace can be like."

"Stop it," she hit him again, harder this time, "you exonerate her by taking credit for her crime."

"What about…"

"Childbirth has always been a dangerous business," she declared, "but women have been doing it for generations. ZiWei was fine, SaiYa was fine, and Qing-er will be fine."

"I can't lose you!" the words burst out of him. "I can't lose you," he repeated in a quieter voice.

"So you'd rather just make yourself miserable?" she asked with a lifted eyebrow.

"If it can ensure your happiness."

"Urg," she threw up her hands in frustration, "you noble idiot!"

She glared at him and poked his shoulder, "Do you know how long it took for me to accept my feelings for you? I didn't even have ZiWei to help explain it to me. I figured it out all on my own. You can't take this away from me."

"I can't…"

"Fine," she stood up and made for their horses, "I'll go tell ShiTai I've decided to join the nunnery."

"What do you mean?" he caught up to her.

"That was the original plan," she declared even as she put her foot in the stir-up, "and it looks like I'd better stick to it."

"XiaoYanZi…" he pulled at her arm.

She glared at him again as she crossed her arms, "what?"

"Don't do that."

"Well you don't want me, so…"

"I do want you. Heavens, XiaoYanZi...I want you too much."

"I don't have the patience to appease your overinflated sense of self-importance."

"I…"

"You may be a son of the emperor, but you do not have control over all and sundry."

"What?" she demanded crossly when he just stared at her.

To her surprise, he laughed. "Only you would dare yell at me like this."

She sniffed, "more's the pity."

"I do want you," he said again.

"We've already covered that."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her again.

She froze for a second before pushing him away, "what are you doing?"

"Listening to you."

She still looked suspicious.

"I know when to admit a graceful defeat."

"Graceful?"

He inclined his head, "not my best, I admit."

"So…"

"So...saddle up. I need to speak with HuangAhMa."

---

RongQinWangFu was draped in red once more. But this time, the bridegroom was all smiles as he slipped away from his guests and into the room that held his bride.

Even from the doorway, he could hear the attendant's whispered pleas.

"JunZhu, you really shouldn't pace so."

"But my foot's gone numb."

"JunZhu…" the attendant protested helplessly before gasping, "WangYe!"

XiaoYanZi froze in mid stride a split second before she whirled around and sat down demurely on the bed. Yongqi found himself impressed with her balance and nimble navigation.

"Were you going to run away?"

She shook her head, the red cloth fluttering.

"Oh good," he said with great relief as sat down next to her, "with a numb foot, you might have tripped."

She used said foot to kick his shin.

The maids looked at each other in shock when he just chuckled.

"Go on," he told the attendant, "before she changes her mind."

He didn't need to see her face to know XiaoYanZi was rolling her eyes at him.

It was the third time he had gone through these rites but, staring into her amused eyes, he felt that it was the only time that mattered.

When the room emptied of everyone but the two of them, XiaoYanZi let out a sigh and kicked off her shoe and peeled off her sock to rub at her foot. "Finally!"

"It's actually numb?"

"Of course! Did you think I made it up?" she had stood and was stomping her foot on the ground.

"Well, you might have, just to have an excuse to walk about."

She humphed but then winced as the numbness gave way to sharp tingling signaling the return of sensation.

"Come here."

She hobbled towards him and yelped when he pulled her into his lap. "What -"

Her voice was cut off as he kissed her rather thoroughly.

"Still numb?"

"What?"

"Your foot."

"Oh." she shook her head.

"Good." The sight of the dazed expression on her face made him rather giddy. He stood, still holding her in his lap, and twirled in circles.

She yelped again, her arms wrapping around his neck reflexively, "stop! We'll both fall!"

He laughed but did set her back down on the bed. She moved to give him room, "what a funny way of greeting your bride. I don't recall that in the overview of rites."

"Hmm...it's one I created just for you."

"Somehow, I don't think it'll become popular."

He reached out and pulled at her ankle, causing her to fall backwards onto the bed. "And what about this one?"

The breathlessness she felt was becoming a familiar sensation as his lips met hers.

"XiaoYanZi…"

There was that darkness in his eyes again. This close, she could see just how wide his pupils were.

"Let me show you just how dishonorable I can be."

In time, MianYi did gain a sister. Nan-er was a curious child from birth, her large eyes gazing about her new environment. DuanYong, when he met this new grandchild, had consoled his son-in-law, "WangYe will have trouble with this one."

Yongqi's proud smile did not waver, "then father-in-law must share all his wisdom from raising XiaoYanZi."

DuanYong laughed, "ZiWei and then Yan-er did much of the parenting for me."

"Nonsense," ZiWei protested, "father has infinite patience."

DuanYong laughed again, "I have been most fortunate in my children."

"Even me?"

DuanYong pinched XiaoYanZi's cheek, "even you."

"Die," XiaoYanZi complained, "I'm a mother now."

DuanYong shook his head, "to me, you will always be that fearless little girl who stared down my horse. Besides," he turned back to Nan-er, "this one will keep you young."

"Or speed up the aging process," FangYan commented dryly.

"With MianYi as an older brother, I think not," ZiWei countered, "one of the sweetest natured children I have ever met."

"The other being our Dong-er of course." ErKang remarked.

"Dong-er was an easy baby, but he is now of an age when he is learning to be mischievous. Much too clever for his own good."

"With parents like his, it is not surprising."

ErKang and ZiWei traded smiles at Qing-er's comment.

"Our LeiLei (雷雷) is not lacking in intelligence," FangYan reminded his wife.

"Well my Nan-er will give all the boys fair competition, you'll see." XiaoYanZi declared, "won't you, Nan-er?"

DuanYong smiled broadly at his gathered children. He could have never imagined such a family.

---

Qing-er found her father-in-law in the household chapel when she went to fetch him for supper. From the doorway, she could hear his voice.

"You would have smiled so, YuHe, to see such a scene. The children are all so happily settled, with partners who care for them deeply in return…"

"Father…"

DuanYong nodded at her when she knelt after lighting her own stick of incense. "It's foolish, to continue talking to her after all these years."

"Not at all," Qing-er said in her quiet way, "father's dedication surely shaped your children's understanding of love and marriage. To feel so strongly...is it any wonder that ZiWei and XiaoYanZi would settle for nothing less?"

"And my Yan-er?"

"Is a man of taciturn nature, but very much 痴情 and 专一."

He let her help him to stand, "we are a family of sentimental fools."

Qing-er just smiled, "there are worse things to be."

He looked at the placard from the doorway. There was happiness to be found, in other ways.

"Father?"

DuanYong smiled again at his daughter-in-law, "to supper."