Snow: Qing-er and XiaoJian, part of the Stay universe (also because I have issues with their characterization and their relationship in HZGG3)

Despite her name, he would come to associate her with snow.

The first time they met had been during a first snow. He had been struck by the air of serenity about her, even as she let his sister drag her into the strangest of dances in celebration of the occasion. But then, next to his sister, anyone would seem calmer.

He didn't think much of their meeting then. He was grateful to know, of course, that his sister had such a good friend within the palace, particularly after the emperor summoned XiaoYanZi back to ShuFangZhai. But he was too preoccupied with getting to know the sister he had missed his whole life to think much on the other princess. And XiaoYanZi was someone who demanded to be the center of attention whether she intended to or not.

Their paths crossed again when she joined that snowball fight. Caught up in the joyful atmosphere of the afternoon, he didn't think to ponder on her carefree manners. Not until he was safely ensconced in his own room, dry and warm again, did he think to wonder how a courtly lady such as she could possess such precision in throwing snowballs. Thinking on his sister's bright laughter, he shrugged. XiaoYanZi had a way of influencing those around her. And it was such a relief, given Yongqi's secret, to know that his sister could still be carefree. Perhaps...perhaps it was best that she remained blissfully ignorant.

He revised his opinion when they came to ask for his blessing. The way his sister looked at Yongqi...how had he not realized that she had grown up? He had been jealous, when he first found out she was his sister, at the obvious respect and affection she held for the emperor. And now...he never stood a chance, did he? He should have known, that fateful afternoon when she had dragged him to RongQinWangFu, that he could never be the most important man in his sister's life.

He gave them his blessing, of course he did. He had spoken truly in that he had come to respect RongQinWang. His sister was also as stubborn and as independently minded as himself. He had the feeling that even had he raised objections, she would have gone ahead with her decision anyways. And they were so obviously happy.

He saw Qing-er again at his sister's wedding. He watched as the princess worked with ZiWei and JinSuo to prepare his sister for the carriage. He should have gone to RongQinWangFu afterwards to partake in the festivities, but something gave him pause.

ErKang had led ZiWei away, his arm held possessiveness around her slightly rounded abdomen. The sweet look they shared with each other indicated clearly that they were reminiscing about their own happy day. Qing-er had exchanged partings with them with a smile, but XiaoJian saw the most fleeting look of wistfulness pass over her features. She went back inside before emerging again with her cloak and made a quiet exit from the revelers still filling ShuFangZhai.

He didn't know why, but he followed her.

He saw when she paused on the path and lifted her head up to the sky. Her hand reached out and a snowflake landed on her outstretched fingers. The wistful expression was back again and this time she made no attempt to hide it.

Qing-er watched as the snowflake melted before sighing and making to continue on her path back to LaoFoYe. She had developed a love-hate relationship with snow. It never failed to remind her of the possibility she had once entertained. A possibility that she had consciously decided to abandon. She had no regrets, had come to value her friendship with ZiWei and, yes, also with ErKang, too much to change her mind. But sometimes…

"Did you not wish to remain at the celebrations?"

She jumped and whirled around.

"Forgive me, I did not mean to frighten you."

She dropped her hands to her sides as her heart rate returned to normal. "I could ask you the same question."

"Giving my sister away, even though I have only known her a short while, even though she is not really mine to give, is bittersweet."

"XiaoYanZi would scoff and say that you're not losing a sister but merely gaining a brother."

He smiled a little. Yes, that did sound very much like something his sister would say.

"And what is your reason for retiring early?"

"I must attend to LaoFoYe." She answered readily.

He nodded and then surprised himself again, "May I walk with you?"

When she blinked, he added, "I have no doubt that under ErKang's guidance and oversight, the palace is a safe place, but still, the night grows dark."

"If you wish," she replied after a moment.

They walked in silence at first before he broke it.

"What do you think of my sister and her husband?"

"What do you mean?"

"I have asked ErKang and ZiWei, but their opinions are colored too much by their own happiness. Having grown up in the court, surely you are much more intimately familiar with the ramifications of such a match."

"I fear my view is also not unbiased."

"Oh?"

Qing-er could feel his curious gaze, but did not turn to meet it. "I want them to be happy. Had circumstances been different...they may not have come to realize so soon how much they truly mean to each other. If RongQinWang's path had not been altered with his illness, then I might have worried more."

She fell silent a moment before saying quietly, "royal children are not taught to make decisions with their hearts."

"Even the princesses?"

She looked at him oddly, not certain how to reply. She settled on, "duty is always first and foremost."

"And what is your duty?"

"To LaoFoYe." She replied without hesitation.

He nodded. Her answer was not altogether surprising. "I wonder that she has yet to arrange a match for you."

"She tried to, years ago." She wasn't sure why she told him.

"Oh?"

"Time has a way of bringing changes." She murmured.

"I think," he declared, his suspicion confirmed, "that whoever she picks for you will be fortunate indeed."

"You barely know me." Nonetheless, she smiled.

He shrugged, "I've always been a blunt person, and I trust in my abilities to read people."

"With all your travels, I suppose you have had much experience."

They lapsed into silence once more.

"You must be very lonely."

She did turn towards him then.

He made no apologies for his directness, "loneliness has been my companion for long enough that I recognize it easily in others."

"I had not realized I was, until meeting XiaoYanZi and ZiWei," she admitted after a moment.

They had arrived at her destination.

"Thank you for walking with me," she said politely.

"Thank you for allowing me the privilege."

She ducked her head demurely and closed the gate behind her.

He stood there a moment longer before turning to return to his own home.

His estate was of a modest size. It was near enough to RongQinWangFu to allow easy visits to his sister but secluded enough to offer him peace and quiet. Those he hired to care for it came with the recommendations of the few contacts he had within the city and were all hardworking, trustworthy folk grateful to work for a kind master.

Looking at the map spread out across his desk, he sighed. He would not get to take XiaoYanZi back to DaLi after all. Rolling up the map, he put it away carefully before pulling out his xiao. Opening a window, he minded not the cold draft as he played. A few snowflakes continued to fall haphazardly, not enough to stick or leave any marking that they had existed for a brief moment in time.

He was lonely, had thought he had grown used to it. Perhaps he had travelled so much in part to fill that loneliness. Finding his sister, becoming a part of the family she had built for herself...Qing Ge Ge was right. He had not realized the full extent of emptiness until he started setting down roots. Being adrift made for adventure and excitement, but watching his sister and her husband, watching ZiWei and ErKang, he wondered if staying still in one place could be a reasonable choice for himself. Perhaps he should listen to Ou Sao and stop deflecting his friends' attempts at matchmaking.

He should have known his sister would catch wind of it.

"How could you not tell me?" She reprimanded him, "I had to hear it from Shitai!"

"Shouldn't you be home with your husband?"

"He's entertaining some court officials, utterly boring."

"Well I have work of my own to do."

She snatched the brush out of his grasp.

"Are you like this with Yongqi too?"

"Of course," She retorted, "he never knows when to take breaks. And don't try to change the subject."

He sighed. "I could return to DaLi still, you know. Especially now that you're well settled."

"But you won't."

"How do you know?"

"You like your job too much. You've found a purpose, a way to continue our father's legacy."

"I wasn't purposeless." He argued.

"But you've found me and so had to find another one."

He sighed again. She wasn't wrong.

"Shouldn't I have some say on who gets to be my sister in law?" She persisted.

"I had very little say in your choice of husband."

She brushed aside his comment, "that's different."

When he didn't respond, she demanded, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Are you serious about finding me a sister in law?"

He raised an eyebrow and responded dryly, "I was thinking that if I'm going to stay, I might as well find a mistress for the estate."

She wrinkled her nose, "How practical."

"Don't you have sisters enough?"

"It's different," she said again before her eyes lit up, "What about Qing-er?"

"What about Qing-GeGe?" He asked warily.

"I like her and we're already as close as sisters. It would be so perfect."

"Shouldn't I like her too?"

"Don't you?"

"I…" he paused. He thought well of his sister's friend, but had never dared to think of her in such a way.

"She's a GeGe." He said at last.

"So? So am I."

"Hmmm, I think you have let becoming WangFei get to your head. Need I remind you that she is a proper GeGe, not an accidental one."

"But…"

"Enough," XiaoJian insisted, "I do thank you, meimei, for your consideration of my domestic future. But I really must finish this report."

XiaoYanZi huffed at his tone of finality. "Fine. Finish your report. But if you won't look, I will."

"Who said I'm not looking?"

She huffed again, "Half-heartedly I'm sure...never mind, I'll look for you. It'll be easier for me anyways."

"You really don't have to…"

"Qing-er said I should make an effort to get to know the womenfolk of the various officials anyways, the better to be of aid to Yongqi. I told her that me keeping my distance is probably of the most help. But for you, brother, I will make an effort."

"You really don't have to…"

"You can thank me later!"

"XiaoYanZi…" He sighed as he realized that he was talking to a closed door. He really should warn Yongqi, else XiaoYanZi might inadvertently burn bridges that could not afford to be burnt.

If he thought Yongqi might be of help, he found he was sadly mistaken.

"Ah, so that was her reason for deciding she wanted to host a riddle party."

"A what?"

"She was going to invite some ladies over for a chance to win a riddle competition. I even agreed to provide one of my paintings as the prize."

"And you're going to let her?" XiaoJian couldn't help but gape at his brother in law.

Yongqi shrugged, "her mind's made up. Besides, she's not wrong in that ZiWei would welcome the diversion in coming up with the riddles."

At XiaoJian's disgruntled expression, he added, "I did talk her into asking for Qing-er's help in the planning and executing."

XiaoJian sighed.

"Cheer up," Yongqi said brightly, "she's only going through all this trouble because she cares."

"I know she does."

"Stop sounding so mournful! ErKang and I are both very happy in our states of matrimony."

"Neither of you had the choice taken out of your hands by busybody sisters."

Yongqi laughed at his dry tone but then turned serious, "we did not...but neither did we truly have a choice."

"What do you mean?"

"Falling in love, the way we did, was unplanned, unsought, and unwise."

"Unwise?"

"You have thought it, have you not?"

When XiaoJian answered only with silence, Yongqi continued, "it is not surprising that the idea of losing control in such a way should be distasteful to you."

"I would think a prince such as yourself would share the opinion."

Yongqi smiled a little, "it is curious then that neither ErKang nor I have ever lamented our lot."

"I stand by what I said before. I can understand friendship, family, loyalty, brotherhood. But I still don't understand love."

"Who among us truly do?

XiaoJian found that ErKang was more sympathetic but not for the expected reason.

"What madness has XiaoYanZi concocted now?"

"Why would you think…"

"I've worn that expression myself too many times not to be familiar with the cause."

When XiaoJian told him about XiaoYanZi's scheme, ErKang just nodded.

"Ah yes, ZiWei did make mention of it. I've found that it's easier to just let XiaoYanZi have her chaos and then clean up the aftermath."

"I don't even know if I want to be married." XiaoJian said plaintively.

"And why not? It's a rather blissful state to be in."

XiaoJian smiled wryly. Yes, of course ErKang would say that.

After they completed sparring session, ErKang said, "I should warn you, XiaoYanZi will likely find an ally in my E Niang."

"What?!"

"E Niang has decided to think of XiaoYanZi as a daughter and you as a third son."

"But…"

"She had little chance to choose for me or ErTai. I suppose she sees it as a chance to make up for the missed opportunity."

"But…"

ErKang smiled a little apologetically, "she means well."

"Sometimes...I regret my decision to stay."

ErKang laughed, "it's rare to see you be so petulant, but I am always reminded that you are indeed XiaoYanZi's brother when I do."

He twisted out of the way of the incoming fist easily, "ah, a rematch then?"

"I've decided."

XiaoJian looked up from the letter he was writing to his foster father. "Decided what?"

"No one's good enough for you."

"And how came you to this decision?"

XiaoYanZi slumped into a chair with an over dramatic sigh, "they're perfectly nice and sweet and...and...and utterly boring!"

"I imagine they were told to be on their best behavior in front of Rong Qin Wang Fei and Qing Ge Ge."

XiaoYanZi made a face, "Urg."

XiaoJian tried his best not to seem too relieved, "I'm in no rush to get married."

"Urg," she said again.

He ducked his head to hide his grin and turned back to his letter.

"Who are you writing to?" She asked after a moment.

"My foster father, our father's sworn brother."

"Oh. Is he very disappointed that we won't be going to DaLi in the spring after all?"

"I never told him we were."

"You didn't?"

He put down his brush a moment, "no."

"Oh. Why not?"

He shrugged, "I figured you'd find out about Yongqi one way or another."

"Oh."

"What?" He tried not to fidget under her steady gaze.

"Nothing."

He raised an eyebrow at her but when she made no further efforts to explain, picked up his brush again.

"I should write to him too."

He nodded at the extra brush in the holder, "he and Aunty would both be ecstatic to hear from you."

"Alright then." He could hear the rustling as she fetched the appropriate materials.

She paused, her brush poised over the sheet, "What should I write?"

He chuckled as he looked up again, "whatever you wish."

She stared at the blank paper thoughtfully before putting brush to paper.

"What did you write?" He asked her when they had sealed the letters and sent it off with a servant.

"This and that."

"So mysterious," he teased her.

She shrugged, "just a brief introduction of myself and our family here in BeiJing, assurance of my happiness...oh, and what they think you might look for in a wife."

"You didn't!"

"And why not? They raised you, who better to ask?"

"XiaoYanZi."

"What?"

"That innocent routine doesn't work on me."

She wrinkled her nose at him, "I'm just trying to help."

"I know you are."

Before he knew it, the snow melted and he was invited to be part of the Spring Hunt.

"No shooting swallow birds," XiaoYanZi warned her husband as he made to mount his horse.

Yongqi pulled her close, "hmmm, I've already captured the one swallow bird I want."

XiaoJian coughed from his own horse.

XiaoYanZi flushed and pushed at her husband, "Yongqi…"

Her husband just laughed and kissed her cheek, "I promise, no swallow birds."

"Good."

He looked down upon her from his horse, "have a nice visit with ZiWei and Qing-er."

She grinned, "I will!"

"They're so tiny…" XiaoYanZi picked up a pair of shoes meant for ZiWei's as yet unborn child.

"Babies do tend to be," ZiWei remarked with a smile.

Qing-er looked up from her own sewing, "but they grow fast."

XiaoYanZi set down the shoes and went back to her whittling, "I still can't believe I'm going to be an aunty."

"I'm just glad this child will have Qing-er as the responsible aunty to balance out your influence."

XiaoYanZi just stuck a tongue out at her sworn sister.

"I wouldn't celebrate too early," Qing-er remarked, "I was not a very well behaved child."

XiaoYanZi cocked her head, "really?"

"Really. I grew up on the frontier where Ah Ma was stationed. E Niang tried to make me a lady, but I always found the grasslands more to my liking."

"It's hard for me to see."

Qing-er smiled, "when I came to the palace, I was at first too depressed to be of much nuisance. And then, after a while, I was too scared of how different everything was. But LaoFoYe helped me adjust. She was my anchor."

"She gave you purpose."

Qing-er nodded at ZiWei's observation, "and was far more patient than I deserved."

"I forget sometimes," XiaoYanZi cut in, "that LaoFoYe is not a regular grandmother."

"A far cry from what you expected when you first heard about LaoFoYe's return."

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "you can't really blame me."

Qing-er smiled, "LaoFoYe is strict; she has had to be tough to rise to her position. But she is not heartless."

XiaoYanZi blew wooden shavings from her project before making to set it in a basket.

"Completed another one? Could I see?"

Qing-er held the rabbit figurine in hand, "it's adorable."

XiaoYanZi grinned, "brother is a good teacher."

Qing-er returned the object, "I envy you, XiaoYanZi, for having such a doting brother."

"He can be your brother too!"

Qing-er smiled, "I feel that having a sister such as you is already more than he can handle."

XiaoYanZi just shrugged, "maybe it's just as well."

"Oh?"

"It'd be odd for him to be your brother when I want you to be my sister."

Qing-er frowned, "are we playing riddles again?"

"No…"

"XiaoYanZi…" ZiWei shook her head.

Qing-er looked between the two of them, "tell me."

ZiWei shook her head again but XiaoYanZi ignored her, "What do you think of my brother?"

"What?"

"My brother. What do you think of him?"

Qing-er blinked at the suddenness of the question. "I don't know him very well."

"Still, what is your impression of him?"

Qing-er knew XiaoYanZi well enough by then to know that she must provide an answer. "Well...I'm sure he's very intelligent and diligent and dependable."

"And?"

"And...and his life experiences must have taught him much wisdom as well."

"And?"

"And I hear he is skilled at martial arts."

"And?"

"And…And...what more could I say?"

"Is he desirable as a husband?"

Qing-er blinked "what?"

"He's not getting any younger. And the Fang family name must continue. It's hit a dead end with me, so it'll be up to brother."

"I wouldn't know."

"Why not?"

"I trust LaoFoYe to pick my bridegroom."

"But that won't do at all!"

"Why not?"

"Because...because...what if you don't even like that person?"

"I'm sure LaoFoYe knows me well enough to ensure that we would be well suited."

"So you don't have an opinion at all?"

"I never expected to have much say."

"But...but what if you fall in love?"

Qing-er laughed, "who could I possibly fall in love with? Living in the palace, I'm surrounded by women. The young men I do know are all happily married."

"Brother's not."

"Oh!" A look of understanding finally dawned. "I'm honored that you think so well of me."

"So there's not even a little possibility?"

"XiaoYanZi," ZiWei spoke up, "these things can't be forced."

XiaoYanZi made a face and some unintellectual grumbles.

"I'm sure a man of your brother's caliber will have no trouble finding a bride."

"Ah, so you do think well of him!" XiaoYanZi said triumphantly.

Qing-er laughed again, "as your friend, am I not obliged to?"

Before XiaoYanZi could reply, a eunuch made his entrance.

"Wang Fei, HeSi GeGe, Qing-GeGe, LaoFoYe sent me to inform you that Ling Fei Niang Niang's time has come."

"Oh!"

The three ladies exchanged excited looks.

Qing-er quickly stood, "I must go back."

"Would you like us to accompany you?"

Qing-er shook her head, "I'm going to keep LaoFoYe company. She gets nervous each time a concubine is ready to deliver. I'll stay with her for prayers. I'm sure, though, that LingFei Niang Niang would appreciate both of your presence when the child is born."

ZiWei nodded. She waited until Qing-er had departed before saying to her remaining companion, "XiaoYanZi, do leave Qing-er be."

"But you must agree that it would be so perfect."

"It's not for me to say."

"I just want them both to be happy."

"I know. But XiaoYanZi, these things ought to come about naturally. And your brother...he can be rather blunt can't he?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just that Qing-er is a gentle soul. Her upbringing has made her into an obedient, dutiful sort of person. And your brother...he is of a forceful nature."

She continued quickly when it looked as though XiaoYanZi would speak up in defense of her brother, "he is used to making decisions for himself. He is still adjusting to having to answer to others and having to consider for others."

"Are you calling him selfish?"

"No...just...self-sufficient."

"So was I."

"Yes."

XiaoYanZi looked thoughtful before shrugging, "I wonder if Huang Ah Ma will shorten the hunt. I had better go back home, in case he does and Yongqi returns early. Besides, I'll have to change to go see Ling Fei Niang Niang."

"You've adjusted quite well." ZiWei commented as XiaoYanXi started packing up her supplies.

XiaoYanZi shrugged again, "I never thought I'd enjoy household accounts, but they're actually rather fun."

"And you tend to have a good idea of what things ought to cost."

"Talking to LiuQin and LiuHong helps."

"Who knew you could be so responsible?"

"Yongqi did," XiaoYanZi replied, her expression softening, "and you did."

ZiWei squeezed her hand, "it was merely a matter of will. You can do anything you put your mind to."

"You'll be such a good E Niang."

"ErKang says it's because I've had much practice."

XiaoYanZi laughed, "he's not wrong."

ZiWei smiled, "go on now. I'll see you at YanXi Gong."

Yongqi found his wife practicing with her sword on his return. He spent a moment just watching her movements. She had grown skilled with practice. The look of concentration on her face made her look so much more mature. The past few months had been blissful. They did argue, the first time a bit spectacularly when he realized he couldn't stand her messy ways.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" She had asked when he had at last shouted out his frustration.

"I didn't want to hurt your ego, didn't want it to seem like I'm criticizing."

She rolled her eyes, "but neither should you force yourself to be uncomfortable. I'm not incapable of change."

"Oh."

She snorted at his response. "I didn't grow up with that many belongings so all this," she waved are arms around, "even after being HuanZhuGeGe, all this seems like too much sometimes. I never did learn to be organized."

"I could teach you." He offered hesitantly.

She smiled wryly, "it seems that you're always teaching me something. Don't you get tired of it?"

"I'm just glad you're willing to learn."

She made to clear up the odds and ends scattered about their room.

"XiaoYanZi…"

"Hmmm?"

"You teach me too."

"I do?"

He nodded, "about how to be a better person."

"You're already plenty gifted."

"That's not what I meant."

"Well what do you mean?"

"That."

She still looked puzzled.

"That it's ok to share my honest feelings and opinions. That it's alright to yell when I'm angry, cry when I'm sad, and laugh when I'm happy," he elaborated.

"Well good. Particularly since I'm not sensitive like ZiWei. You have to tell me things, can't just assume I'll notice."

He smiled at the memory and as she successfully completed a rather complicated form. At the sound of his clapping, she turned and noticed him for the first time.

"Oh! You're back! How was the hunt?"

"Exciting. Your brother is very competitive...a Fang family trait, I think."

She rolled her eyes at his teasing, "You heard the news about LingFei Niang Niang then?"

He nodded, "HuangAhMa is most anxious."

"LingFeiNiangNiang will be fine."

"You sound very certain."

She shrugged, "she's too good a person not to have everything go well."

He smiled at her optimism.

"Are you excited to gain a new sibling?"

He shrugged, "I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"Aside from ZiWei, I am not very close with my siblings."

"You talk to Yonji."

"But he is much closer to you."

"Ah yes. Your many achievements sets you apart."

He raised an eyebrow at her tone of voice.

"What?" she asked.

"You sound upset."

"Not upset exactly...just...why does it have to be that way?"

"What way?"

"Why shouldn't you be close to your siblings?"

"It's easier with my sisters, I suppose. But with my brothers...the tradition for competition is too strong."

"It's a stupid tradition." She stated bluntly.

"It's the way of things."

"That doesn't make it right."

"I'm not saying it is."

"So change it."

"It's not so easy…"

"Sure it is. You just have to take an interest. This child is the perfect opportunity for a new beginning!"

"XiaoYanZi…it's more complex...any amount of attention can have larger ramifications for this child's future."

"Because you were once HuangAhMa's chosen."

He nodded.

She shrugged, "All the more reason you should make an effort so that the future HuangAhMa had envisioned is not completely lost. You can still leave a legacy."

His expression softened at her words. It would always be a source of guilt for her, no matter how much he assured her, the fact that she could not bear children.

"What?" She asked, a touch crossly as he stared at her.

He just smiled, "nothing. Just that you look quite lovely in your earnestness."

"Don't try to change the topic."

He pulled her close, "I didn't shoot any swallow birds today."

She blinked up at him, "you did promise."

"Yes." He kissed her lightly.

"What was that for?"

"Just because."

She wrinkled her nose, "that's not a reason."

"Do I need a reason?"'

"Well…" her words were lost as he kissed her again.

"Yongqi…" she complained, "stop trying to distract me. I was being serious."

"I know."

"So?"

"So?" he repeated.

"What do you say?"

He nuzzled her nose with his own, "what will be my incentive?"

She looked at him incredulously, "you need an incentive?"

"I will be upending generations of tradition, after all."

She rolled her eyes and muttered again, "it's a stupid tradition."

"Still…"

"Oh never mind then."

"You're giving up, so soon?"

She shrugged, "I'm not going to make you do something you don't want to do."

He released her briefly, "it's something you feel very strongly about, isn't it?"

She shrugged again, "you said once, every prince wants the throne at one time or another. I'd rather we ensure that a kind hearted one who wants it for the right reasons succeeds in the end."

"Besides," she added after a little while, "I feel responsible in a way."

"Responsible?"

"This child...I saved this child." she reminded him.

He looked at her. Yes, she had. "Alright."

"Alright?"

"We will take an active role in this sibling's life and education."

"We?"

"Well of course. Who better than you to teach the child the facts of life and the priorities of the common people?"

"I…"

He looked at her seriously, "Who better to teach the child to temper knowledge with heart and tradition with humanity?"

"What's his name?" XiaoYanZi, nervous that she would drop the precious bundle, held as still as she could.

LingFei smile at her, "YongYan."

"A great honor," Yongqi smiled at his wife.

"Hmmm?"

"Almost a homonym," he told her.

LingFei nodded, "Yes. We wanted to honor his savior in some way."

XiaoYanZi at last looked up, flabbergasted, "You mean...me?"

LingFei nodded again, "I hope he will grow up to be as kind and just and honorable as you."

XiaoYanZi turned back to the bundle in her arms, "YongYan...my almost namesake."

Later, in their carriage ride home, Yongqi turned to her, "It seems that this child will also be your legacy."

Her eyes widened at his words, "I've never thought of myself as being important enough."

"Oh XiaoYanZi…" he tucked a stray hair behind her ear, "you were the instigators for all our stories. How can you not be important enough?"

When 15-Ah-Get turned a month old, LingFei was made LingGuiFei. It did not cause as huge a shift in palace life as it might have if the events of the past few years had not occurred.

Qing-er, watching at LaoFoYe's side as LingGuiFei listened to the dowager empress's counsel about taking over responsibility of the Inner Palace, found herself wondering about the empress's reactions. HuangHouNiangNiang retained her title but little else. No one dared to visit the disgraced empress. Even LaoFoYe kept her distance. Qing-er wondered how that once proud lady spent her days.

She was no stranger to the ebb and flow of power within the palace. Consorts rose to favor and then fell back into the background. It was the way of things.

But it didn't have to be, did it? As she wandered the peach orchard, marveling at the bounty of blossoms, she felt a sense of hope. Having seen her friends with their husbands, she knew there were exceptions to the rule. Was it foolish to want to be an exception as well? Or did it take someone extraordinary to be allowed an exception? XiaoYanZi and ZiWei, they were both so very remarkable, the vibrancy of their lives made Qing-er feel the paleness of her own in comparison. Is it any wonder that their husbands should find themselves entranced?

She believed in the words she had said to XiaoYanZi. Her marriage was in LaoFoYe's hands and she trusted in the dowager empress to arrange for a good match. ErKang would have been a good match. She would have been well-treated, content. She wondered if her sadness came from losing the stability of an expected future or from losing ErKang himself. Certainly she admired him, but then so did many others. She wasn't deaf to the giggles of even some of the palace maids. She would have felt flattered to marry him. And perhaps, with time, could have claimed to love him.

She had felt affection for him, yes, but she understood now that it wasn't quite love. It was close and had potential, but never had the opportunity to blossom. It still hurt; she was not above jealousy.

Did she even want to fall in love? What she saw with ZiWei and XiaoYanZi made her wistful...thinking on HuangHouNiangNiang, however, reminded her of all the other women in the palace who loved so hopelessly. It was different, she knew, for the emperor was not a common man, but...was it ever safe to lose one's heart? Or was it better to be satisfied with contentment?

A gust of wind blew the flower petals around her into a veritable storm of white and pale pink. She twirled with the breeze and found herself laughing in delight. After brushing some of the flowers from the folds of her clothing, she reached and broke off a few branches of blossoms. LaoFoYe would surely enjoy seeing them.

She wasn't aware that anyone had seen her. But FangYan, passing by on his way to his post, had found his attention caught by the flurry of movement. He couldn't see her clearly through the branches, but found himself smiling at the blur of colors.

He didn't think much more of the sight, easily dismissed it as perhaps a palace maid going about her business, until he accompanied the emperor to CiNingGong to deliver some new scriptures that were sent by one of the bordering states as part of their tribute.

The vase of peach blossoms caught his eye.

"FangYan?"

At the emperor's voice, he turned, startled, and then quickly handed over the books to LaoFoYe's eunuch.

The dowager empress, though, did not look immediately at the books, but rather followed his gaze. "Yes, the blossoms are rather beautiful, aren't they? Qing-er brought them to me."

He glanced in the princess's direction and received a slight smile in return before she turned again to LaoFoYe as the dowager empress examined the scriptures.

Later, he found himself weaving among the trees in the orchard. He could hear the beginning of a melody form in his mind. Perhaps his sister would also appreciate a branch of blossoms.

The flowers never made it to RongQinWangFu, however, but rather rested in a vase on his desk for the remainder of the week before they wilted.

Summer brought with it another state visit, this time from Uyghur. Even before the delegation arrived, tales about Princess HanXiang began to circulate.

"Do you think she was truly born with a natural fragrance?"

XiaoJian shrugged, "the world is full of mystery."

"So you're not discounting it."

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because of everyone I know, you're the one who has seen most of the world."

He shrugged again, "Does it matter if it's true or not?"

"Well…I suppose not. Except…"

"Except what?"

"Maybe it'll be like with SaiYa, and the princess has come to find a husband."

"So?"

"So...maybe you'll be like ErTai."

XiaoJian laughed, "you've finally given up on matching me with Qing-GeGe?"

His sister made a face, "I keep trying to create opportunities for you two to meet, but neither of you seem to treasure those opportunities. What choice do I have but to look elsewhere?"

He knew better than to laugh at her.

Princess HanXiang was as beautiful as she was reputed. The emperor's laughter made it obvious his enjoyment of the princess's dance. And when the princess's father indicated that the princess was an offering to the emperor himself, well...Qing-er heard LaoFoYe sigh a little. Glancing at the emperor, Qing-er realized that the princess would surely soon become a new favorite. She hoped LingGuiFei was more generous than her predecessor.

She shouldn't have been surprised that XiaoYanZi found the situation unacceptable.

"I never thought HuangAhMa could be so...so…"

"Lecherous?"

Her friends both looked at her in shock at her word choice.

Qing-er though, maintained her equilibrium, "HuangShang is someone used to getting his way. What woman would ever dare say no?"

"And Princess HanXiang is very beautiful." She saw ZiWei wince and regretted her bluntness.

"But...how can he just forget about LingGuiFei? All this time he's devoting to the princess…"

"He's besotted," ZiWei said softly.

"You can't tell me he loves her!" XiaoYanZi exclaimed.

"I'm not," ZiWei said, her expression clearing. "But even if it's just intrigue and lust...she was given to him to be his concubine. We are in no position to pass judgement or interfere."

"But…"

"No buts." ZiWei said, her voice unusually stern.

XiaoYanZi looked like she was going to argue but then just stamped her foot in frustration, "fine. I still don't have to like it, or her."

"You don't go into the palace that often anyways," ZiWei reminded her.

XiaoYanZi just harrumphed.

Qing-er lingered a little longer after XiaoYanZi departed. "ZiWei, I'm sorry."

ZiWei knew to what she referred but just shook her head, "You have no need to apologize. I understand better now...HuangAhMa is a great man, a wonderful ruler, the single-minded way he is behaving now...as you say, what woman can say no? Since meeting ErKang, I've realized...I cannot delude myself into thinking that my mother was HuangAhMa's one true love. For my mother, he was the one she felt beholden to. But for HuangAhMa, lust and love may well be the same. I am comforted that whatever his failings as a husband or lover, even if mother was but a tryst in the rain for him, HuangAhMa still took responsibility for it, for me."

"XiaoYanZi would malign him," she added, "but HuangAhMa is still a junzi in my eyes. He did woo mother with poetry and honest admiration."

"XiaoYanZi would call it seduction."

ZiWei agreed, "yes, she would. XiaoYanZi thinks she sees things clearly but...her anger is also in part because she is confronted suddenly with proof that HuangAhMa is also flawed."

"And you?"

"I am the product of such flaws. HuangAhMa is my father; I cannot judge him in any other capacity."

Qing-er passed by the ongoing constructions on her way back to CiNingGong. Thinking on ZiWei's words, she realized that HuangShang was wooing the princess through these buildings meant to mimic those of her homeland. LaoFoYe did not approve of the expenditures, thought the structures an eyesore, but Qing-er found her curiosity piqued at the strange architecture and colors. The mosaic around the fountain closest to her was only half completed, but Qing-er could already tell that it was a true work of art.

"GeGe, you should keep your distance."

She jumped and turned to see FangYan standing a few paces away.

"The workers would be punished severely if harm came to GeGe."

She nodded and walked towards him, "You're right. I would hate for anyone to pay the price for my curiosity."

"What does GeGe think of the constructions?" he asked as they walked.

Qing-er was honest about her fascination.

"GeGe does not agree with LaoFoYe then?"

She shook her head, "I'm grateful, actually, for a chance to be able to catch a small glimpse of a faraway land."

He smiled at her, "I did not expect you to have an adventurous spirit."

"You sister's influence, perhaps."

"Did you have a nice visit?"

She blinked at him, "How did you know…"

He gestured at her clothing, causing her to look down at herself.

"Oh."

She looked up to see him smiling at her still. "Yes, I did. It's nice to have friends."

He nodded, "A sentiment with which I heartily agree."

"Do you miss it?" she asked after a moment.

"Miss what?"

"Roaming the jianghu, finding adventures."

"I would be lying if I said no," he admitted, "but as XiaoYanZi pointed out to me, I enjoy having a purpose."

"Was it difficult to submit yourself to serving HuangShang?"

"At first, a little. I was used to being my own master and didn't like following commands. But...HuangShang is a worthy liege."

"RongQinWang would have been too."

"Yes," he agreed easily, "yet, for my sister's sake, I am glad the burden does not fall to him."

"Would you have taken her away?"

"Yes," he said with certainty.

"And if she refused?"

"I still would have tried to persuade her."

"He was ready to give it all up," she told him.

"Was he?"

She couldn't tell if he believed her. "XiaoYanZi would have gone with you, if only to make his decision easier."

"He was ready to let her go," he told her, "when he found out about his illness. I was one of the first to know. He told me to take her DaLi, as though distance could lessen her feelings for him. I told him I thought he was wrong to keep the truth from her."

"He was just trying to protect her."

"I told him I didn't understand love."

"Who of us truly does?"

He looked startled, "he had said those same words."

"Then they must be true." She smiled.

"How does one fall in love?" He remained serious.

"How does an acorn turn into a mighty oak?"

By the time the constructions were completed, the princess had been declared to be Xiang-Fei.

Qing-er hadn't meant to eavesdrop, had just gone to the explore the mosque and the bazaar on a quiet afternoon. She heard the emperor's voice before she saw them.

"Were you not born with a scent?"

Qing-er caught a glimpse of the lack of distance between the emperor and the princess and immediately hid behind the door.

"Yes. But I became severely ill during the journey to BeiJing and lost it."

Through the gap between the doors, Qing-er could see the emperor reach out and caress the new concubine's cheek.

"No matter. Your beauty more than make up for it."

HanXiang seemed to shrink from the emperor's touch, "HuangShang...please…"

He lowered his hand but then reached out and pulled her closer to him by the waist, "You are mine now. You will submit to me."

"HanXiang would like to wait until my father has departed," the princess said quickly.

The emperor bent his head, his intention obvious, but then stopped at the last second, "Very well. Zhen is not a monster. Zhen will wait."

He released the princess and strode away.

HanXiang collapsed onto the edge of the fountain and Qing-er could see her wiping away tears.

"Allah, give me strength."

HanXiang bowed her head in prayer before collecting herself enough to find her way back to the palace that had been given to her.

Qing-er waited until her own racing heart had calmed a little before she tentatively pushed open the doors and stepped into the sunshine. She was in such a hurry to escape that space that she wasn't very careful about watching the path.

"Qing-GeGe!"

She gasped as a sturdy hand helped steady her.

XiaoJian took one look at her expression and frowned, "GeGe, are you well?"

She shook her head. No. She was not well at all. She had just witnessed something she wasn't meant to see. She could feel Princess HanXiang's fear and reluctance. But the princess was no match for the emperor, not really. It would not end well.

"GeGe…" XiaoJian had still not released her, "you're trembling!"

He made a decision then and half pulled, half carried her to the nearest bench. "Sit a moment. Take some deep breaths. One, two. One, two. One, two…"

Qing-er tried her best to comply.

"There you go. One, two. One, two…"

She let his steady presence calm her.

"Thank you." She was able to say finally.

"Better?"

She nodded.

"If it's not too private, could I ask what happened?"

She shook her head, "nothing."

"Not possible."

She just shook her head again. How could she explain? She had seen ZiWei and ErKang as well as XiaoYanZi and Yongqi in similar positions of closeness. The contrast with what she had just witnessed was too jarring.

"Qing-er."

The shock of hearing him say her name made her meet his gaze.

"It can't be nothing for you to have such a strong reaction. You're usually one of the most collected individuals I know."

How reasonable he sounded. And yet, she knew she could not tell him.

He must have seen something in her expression because he sighed, "alright. I understand that there are things you cannot share. If I can be of assistance in any way, do let me know?"

She nodded.

He stood then, "I'd better go to my post now, before I become tardy."

"Thank you," she said again.

He just nodded before departing.

She sat on the bench and continued counting her breaths the way he had. One, two. One, two…

Her own words came to her then. What woman would ever dare defy the emperor? How many women spent their lives clamoring for HuangShang's attention? But Princess HanXiang, despite her obvious fear, did defy him. Surely she must know, though, that the more she evaded him, the more persistent he would become? Qing-er shook her head. ZiWei was right and HuangShang was indeed besotted but even more than mere attraction, the emperor felt that HanXiang was a prize to be won, another conquest to be made. The scene she had witnessed surely made that point obvious.

It would be best to forget what she had seen. Yes, it would be best.

Later, though, as she watched the heartfelt parting between XiangFeiNiangNiang and her father, the sense of foreboding returned. The princess did not want to be a gift, but what choice did she have? It really would be better if she reconciled herself to her fate. And perhaps she may even gain some happiness. HuangShang could be an inattentive husband, but in this case...XiangFeiNiangNiang would be denied very little.

It's what Qing-er would do, both for the sake of duty and for self preservation. It was not, she knew, what XiaoYanZi would do. ZiWei, who was brought up with similar teachings regarding obligation and filial duties, would understand better. Thinking on her friends made Qing-er wonder if she should give more credence to the rumors she had heard; that XiangFeiNiangNiang's illness, the one that rid her of her scent, was more complex than the Uyghur delegation would like to share.

HuangShang had given XiangFei special permission to keep her own garb and traditions. LaoFoYe had frowned but could not overrule her son. She refrained from interfering while the princess's father remained in the capital but wasted no time in sending Qing-er to BaoYueLou that same afternoon with the appropriate clothing and jewelry of a Qing dynasty concubine.

Qing-er found the princess polite but quiet. This close to the new concubine, Qing-er could see more clearly her youth. Knowing that she herself may one day become a political bride, Qing-er's sympathy was moved enough for her to speak.

"NiangNiang will no doubt miss her home land, but I hope with time NiangNiang will learn to see beauty here in BeiJing as well."

Something about Qing-er's voice caused the princess's gaze to focus, "Thank you, Qing-GeGe."

Encouraged, Qing-er added, "I have only vague recollections of adjusting to life in the palace when I was first brought to LaoFoYe, but I do remember that it can be disconcerting and frightening. Princess SaiYa has told me though that the transition has not been too difficult."

"If I'm not mistaken, Princess SaiYa had the privilege of choosing her husband, did she not?"

Qing-er nodded, "Yes."

"And her FuMa has never given indication he wishes to add to his household."

"SaiYa would likely not stand for it even if he did." Qing-er was usually not so candid, but she rather thought XiangFei would appreciate the honesty.

"Her marriage is on more equitable terms."

Qing-er settled for saying, "HuangShang is not unkind."

"And through my submission, my people can retain their autonomy." HanXiang murmured.

"Should I ever find myself in a similar situation, I hope I can endure with the same grace NiangNiang has shown."

"Grace?" HanXiang shook her head, "Qing-GeGe has no need to use flattery as a form of persuasion. I know that as LaoFoYe's ward, you are obliged to act on her behalf and ensure that I cause little disruption to the order of the Inner Palace. I can assure you that I have no such intentions. I wish for a quiet, peaceful life."

"HuangShang's favor, though, has been obvious," Qing-er observed, "NiangNiang must understand that jealousy will breed drama."

HanXiang was quiet.

"HuangShang will act as he will, but it is NiangNiang who will bear the burdens of his attentions."

HanXiang bowed her head, "Hence I pray daily for Allah to give me strength."

"HuangShang has given NiangNiang leave to practice your faith. I hope his patience will allow NiangNiang to observe Ramadan to its completion."

HanXiang looked at Qing-er wearily.

Qing-er returned her glance steadily, "NiangNiang is far from home. It is understandable that NiangNiang is not yet ready to become a consort."

"How…"

Qing-er smiled kindly, "Whatever NiangNiang's reasons, as LaoFoYe's ward, I am beholden to act on her behalf and remind NiangNiang that while LingGuiFei is reasonable and kind, LaoFoYe's prejudice will embolden others to act on their envy. If peace is to last, then NiangNiang should make considerations for self-preservation."

"Qing-GeGe!"

She turned and saw FangYan rushing to join her on the path.

"GeGe is well?"

Mindful of the gaggle of maids and eunuchs behind her, Qing-er replied succinctly, "Yes."

He studied her a long moment before nodding, "good."

"I hear you are to be sent on an important errand."

FangYan nodded, "WangYe and I are to depart next week."

"I wish you a safe journey."

"Oh, XiaoYanZi will ensure it."

"Oh, is she to accompany you?"

"She insisted," he shared, "saying that she didn't trust WangYe to care for himself adequately. I think she just doesn't like to be left alone at RongQinWangFu."

Qing-er chuckled.

"Speaking of XiaoYanZi, she wished for me to tell you that she will never forgive you if you do not attend the birthday celebration in two days."

"I never intended to miss it. Though I will have to remind LaoFoYe that she had already given permission."

He nodded again, "Good. She muttered something about kidnapping you if needed."

Qing-er laughed, "please assure her that there should be no need for such drastic measures."

He smiled back, "Good day then, GeGe."

"Good day."

XiaoYanZi, despite finding out that her real birthday was in June, still insisted on keeping the birthday she had picked for herself.

"It's a reminder of ZiWei's and my sisterhood after all!" She had explained.

Thus, the celebration was for both their birthdays. They played riddles and told tales and passed the evening with laughter. At one point, XiaoYanZi slung an arm around Qing-er.

"Say, we should become sworn sisters too."

"Is that necessary?"

"Well, my grand plan had been for you to marry brother, but since that hasn't happened yet, I must take matters into my own hands."

"XiaoYanZi, you're already relatives," ErTai reminded her.

"Not the same," XiaoYanZi insisted. "What do you think, Qing-er?"

"I think I'd be honored to become your sister."

"Hurray! Come on then!"

"Wait, you're doing it now?" ErKang asked.

"No time like the present!" XiaoYanZi declared cheerfully as she started building a makeshift altar.

"Then in that case," ZiWei spoke up, "the four of us should become sworn sisters together."

SaiYa agreed, "I know we're all related in some way through marriage, but I think XiaoYanZi is right...becoming sisters is the ultimate testament to our friendship."

And so it was done. The ladies traded their vows with the gentlemen as their witnesses.

ErTai has been responsible for her safety to XueShiFu, but it was FangYan who accompanied Qing-er's carriage on the return journey.

"Thank you for indulging XiaoYanZi," he said as he helped her from the carriage.

"Oh, I'm genuinely honored to become her sister," Qing-er replied, "and it is nice having you in my debt as a result."

At his puzzled look, she explained, "you are no longer under obligation to marry me to make her happy."

"GeGe...I…" he stuttered a moment before he realized she was teasing him. "I always knew my sister was a bad influence,"

She smiled at him, "I cannot allow you to malign my sister so."

He shook his head, "XiaoYanZi has a gift in finding herself most gifted allies."

She just smiled at him again before resuming her walk.

"You really didn't have to accompany me all the way back to CiNingGong," she said after a moment.

"It's my responsibility to ensure your safety."

"The palace is safe enough."

"Not all dangers are clearly visible."

She nodded in agreement. Seeing the shape of the mosque against the night sky, she added, "not all dangers can be solved with might alone."

"GeGe?"

"You had asked me once, what I thought of XiaoYanZi and Yongqi. Evenings like this one reminds me how glad I am that XiaoYanZi never has to understand what I mean."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," she murmured as they turned the corner, "just a stray thought."

He frowned and was reminded of something he had thought in the past. So many overlooked her, saw her as just LaoFoYe's companion, mild and docile, but she surely had thoughts and opinions of her own.

"Does it have to do with what upset you that day?"

She sighed, "I would not like to taint this happy day."

He wanted to pry, but knew it would not be polite.

"Tell me more about your travels," she broke the silence, "XiaoYanZi mentioned that you also have some medicinal skills?"

He decided to take her lead and accepted the change in topic. "My godfather is an apothecary. Growing up, I'd help in the shop when I could. It was inevitable that I learned some skills through my interactions with our customers. And they were amused enough by my curiosity to share their knowledge."

She smiled a little; it was easy to picture him as a curious child.

"Godfather would have preferred that I become a physician and lead a quiet life. Instead, my god-brother has done well fulfilling that dream."

"I hadn't realized you had god-siblings."

He needed, "two brothers and a sister."

"Ah."

"XiaoYanZi has been corresponding with them and even invited them to visit."

"Will they?"

He shook his head, "they all have their own families and young children to consider. Maybe someday in the future."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"I suppose I assumed your godfather would have liked you to become his son in another way."

"Godmother might have thought of it at one time, but godfather knew I would leave YunNan one day. He wished for more stability for his daughter. Besides, I was so consumed by the idea of revenge that I would have made for a poor husband."

"Revenge?"

"I was weary of my sister's attachment for other reasons as well."

"I didn't know," Qing-er murmured.

"The trip we are to undertake is to clarify another case of supposed treason. WangYe and I are both sensitive to such a crime and seek to be thorough in our investigations in order to prevent another miscarriage of justice."

"I see."

"Contrary to what XiaoYanZi imagines, it won't be all flashing swords and swinging fists," he said with a grin.

As he intended, she chuckled. "You're hoping that maybe she'll find it sufficiently boring that she'll stay home next time."

He inclined his head, "but I know she won't. She doesn't speak about it, leastwise, not to me, but Yongqi's illness is ever on her mind. She will not part from his side if she can help it."

"I've always admired her strength."

"And she admires yours."

"What?"

"She says she could not imagine being under LaoFoYe's scrutiny day in and day out."

Qing-er shook her head, "only because she is not brought up in such an environment."

"I think she's right."

"Oh?"

"I think you give yourself too little credit. You were under no obligation to become friends with my sister or ZiWei, but you did. You could have easily let LaoFoYe's prejudice interfere. But you didn't."

"You can't know that."

"I know that LaoFoYe listens to your counsel. I know that you're clever enough to share your opinions in such a way as to be unobtrusive but also reasonable. You wield your power carefully, through soft words and seemingly meaningless acts."

She had grown used to his bluntness, but it still startled her to hear herself be described in such a way.

"If I didn't know you to be in possession of a kind soul, I might be scared of you."

She shook her head, "you exaggerate."

He shrugged, "maybe, though I think not."

Seeing the doors of CiNingGong, Qing-er felt thankful that she was saved from having to respond, "I hope your trip is safe and fruitful."

"Thank you."

Right as she crossed over threshold, however, his voice made her turn back.

"XiaoYanZi will wish to know if you would care for any trinkets from the trip."

"Just her stories," Qing-er replied.

He nodded, "very well. I will tell her."

She smiled and nodded before closing the door.

XiaoJian found himself pausing in front of the mosque on his way home. The building meant something to her; he wished he knew what it was. Maybe she saw a possible future for herself, to be sent to a foreign land as an offering of peace. The idea bothered him even though he felt certain that LaoFoYe would never allow it. The voice of a eunuch crying the hour disrupted his thoughts before they can fully form and he turned again in the direction of home. Whatever troubled her must be an Inner Palace issue outside his purview. He trusted she was clever enough to resolve it.

LaoFoYe was not pleased to learn that HanXiang was fasting for the month.

"She is no longer an Uyghur princess but a Qing dynasty consort. She ought to know that her sole purpose is to please HuangShang."

"LaoFoYe xi nu," Qing-er said soothingly, "XiangFeiNiangNiang is aware of her position. Has she not given up her native garb? And she has never forgotten to pay her respects to LaoFoYe or LingGuiFei."

"But she still insists on practicing her heathen faith."

"NiangNiang is surely praying for a safe journey for her father and for the peace to be sustained between our people. LaoFoYe herself prays for the latter."

"Hmph, that's what she'd like you to believe by seeming so pious. Who knows what she's actually thinking or doing in that strange building of hers?"

"From what I've read, the mosque is not unlike the temple HuangShang had built for LaoFoYe. It is a holy place meant for reflection and prayer."

"It would be best if that's how she's using it."

"If LaoFoYe wishes, Qing-er can pay a visit."

"Your readings have made you curious." LaoFoYe said shrewdly, "I know you often watched while it was still being constructed."

Qing-er nodded. "I have never seen its like."

LaoFoYe's expression softened, "you always did like to learn. Very well, go see if XiangFei is truly how she appears."

LaoFoYe did not tell Qing-er that the emperor had requested a private audience.

"HuangShang said he would not interfere with Qing-er's marriage."

The emperor inclined his head, but said, "had Huang E Niang had a ready candidate in mind for Qing-er's E Fu, zhen would not have dared to make suggestions."

"HuangShang means to give FangYan even more responsibilities on his return."

"He works well with ErKang and ErTai. Because of his connection to them and to Yongqi, he has been allowed some leeway. Yongqi's illness, though, has become a matter of public secrecy; not referenced directly but known enough that his influence is not as it once was within the court. Huang E Niang must know that their efforts are just but not always popular."

"HuangShang has many families to choose from for a suitable connection." LaoFoYe pointed out.

"None as ideal as Qing-er. Though zhen dreads the thought, zhen knows zhen will outlive Yongqi. At such a time, XiaoYanZi will need a supportive family."

"HuangShang cares much for XiaoYanZi."

"She may not be of my blood, but she is zhen's child nonetheless."

"HuangShang ought not to have favorites among his children."

"And HuangENiang ought not to have favorites among her grandchildren."

"Impudence," LaoFoYe scolded.

The emperor just smiled unrepentantly at his mother.

"I will think on it."

The emperor nodded, "that is all zhen asks."

Qing-er found HanXiang quietly pruning the jujube saplings.

Setting down her shears, she asked her servants to bring some refreshments.

Qing-er, though, shook her head, "NiangNiang is fasting. I would honor NiangNiang's customs."

HanXiang nodded and beckoned Qing-er towards a table. "Qing-GeGe, I'm glad you have come. I wished to thank you for your kindness and wisdom."

"I did nothing."

HanXiang shook her head, "Allah sent you to me in my moment of despair to remind me of my duty and my purpose."

"NiangNiang surely had her reasons."

"I did, and still do...but..I am more than myself. I am my people. They should not suffer for my stubbornness."

Qing-er inclined her head.

HanXiang spoke a few words in her native tongue to her maids who nodded and departed. "Qing-GeGe, could I tell you a story?"

"But of course."

HanXiang did not begin right away but played with a sprig from the jujube tree. "In my home country, we have a phrase...you are the wind and I am the sand. Wherever the wind blows, the sand follows. Whenever the wind pauses, the sand settles and waits until it blows again."

"How beautiful."

HanXiang smiled sadly, "yes."

She then sighed, "I once knew a girl, who was as the sand, and she met a boy who was her wind. He grew up to become a warrior, one of the most gifted of his people. Some said he truly was the wind, as he was capable of buffeting their foes into submission. But he was always so gentle with her, because she was his whole world and she...she loved him dearly."

She brushed away a tear then, "but she couldn't afford to, not when she was fated to bring peace to her people. The wiseman has declared it to be so, when she was born and a rainbow formed in the sky even though it had not rained. They tried to run away, many times, but they could never outrun her fate. He was punished each time, beaten and then sent to the most dangerous of battlegrounds. He persevered each time, hoping that each victory would win him her father's regard and permission to make her his bride. Each time, she worried that her father could kill him."

"But he never did."

HanXiang shook her head, "no. Her father couldn't afford to kill him, not when he had won such influence with the fighters, not when the boy had been raised as a son to him."

"But then…" she plucked the leaves off the sprig and shredded them in her hands, "The last time they ran away and were caught, she knew that their time had run out. She realized that all this time, she was the wind and he the sand. And it was time for the wind to fulfill her fate."

She wiped away another tear, "She went to him to say goodbye, she gave him the gift of herself, both as an ending and so that the first to claim her would not be a stranger. Afterwards, in the wee hours of the morning, when reality seemed but a dream, she told him it was her choice, that she had responsibilities to her people that were more important than her own happiness. He tried to dissuade her, but she gave him a potion that made him sleep so that he could not disrupt her leaving."

"Did it work?"

HanXiang shook her head, "She realized, when he tried to intercept her carriage but was instead shot full of arrows, that she was not the only one who made preparations."

"Oh no…"

"Her father was kind enough to let him die in her arms." She looked at her hands, as though she could still see and feel the blood on them. "She was distraught and did not eat nor drink for days. She felt cold and hollow and the world lost meaning to her. She didn't know what she was about, only knew that she already felt dead inside. And so it meant very little to drink the poison and make that fact reality. She didn't die, though it was a close thing. Her father had no choice but to feed her the secret medicine of her people. But as it gives life, it also takes away life. It mattered very little to her, though, that she would never bear children. It was a relief really, for she could see herself resenting any child that wasn't his."

"What happened next?"

HanXiang's eyes refocused, "what could she do then but reconcile herself to her fate? She thought she was ready, thought her resolution was strong enough. But the king of the other kingdom frightened her. He looked at her with all of the lust but none of the love that she had seen in her warrior's eyes. And each time he drew near, she felt as a wild animal who needed to fight for her last breath."

She fell silent for such a long time that Qing-er wondered if she should say something.

"It occurred to her, at times, that it would be so easy for her to end it all. Either through ending her own life or that of the other king. But she knew such thoughts were madness. The devastation it would bring...still, she became doubly afraid each time the king approached. And so she prayed for strength. And that was when Allah saw fit to send a messenger to remind her of her purpose, of her own resolution to accept her fate."

HanXiang looked up at Qing-er then, "her father stayed longer than he had planned, just to ensure that his daughter would stay true to the alliance. And because, despite everything, he did love her in his way. She did not wish to worry him. And so, she put away the garments of her people, locking them away as she also locked away her memories of her sand. She could tell it pleased the king. She willed herself to remain still when he kissed her. That also pleased the king. She reminded him of the importance of Ramadan to her and he accepted her words on how she wished to use the month to purify herself so as to be more worthy of his attention. She appealed to his ego and received amusement in return. Nonetheless, he granted his permission."

"What happened to her, in the end?"

"Who can say? Maybe she will stay a favorite of the king. Maybe he will lose interest once she no longer proved to be a challenge. Maybe her sense of betrayal will eat away at her until it destroyed her. Or maybe…maybe she will find that she couldn't submit to the king after all and everything will be for naught."

HanXiang looked up at Qing-er, "I'm sorry, Qing-GeGe. I know there are things I should not have said to you, things that may offend your sensibilities, but I...I have been alone with my thoughts so long that I need to tell them to someone just so that I won't go mad. And you...I really do believe Allah sent you to me in answer to my prayers."

Qing-er felt ill-prepared to offer any guidance. Any of her friends who had experienced love could surely give more sound counsel. But, looking into HanXiang's eyes, she realized that the princess did not need her to offer sympathy or even understanding for her heartbreak. The princess had decided to walk a more difficult path, that of dispassionate duty. What she needed was quiet support.

And so, Qing-er reached out for HanXiang's hand. "NiangNiang is very brave."

"I don't feel brave."

Qing-er squeezed the concubine's hand, "this month is also NiangNiang's way of saying goodbye to the past, isn't it?"

HanXiang nodded, her throat too choked with tears for her to speak.

Qing-er stood then and wrapped her arms around the concubine, "tears are natural, I think."

At such words, HanXiang finally broke down and sobbed. She cried for the lost sand and wind, cried for the harshness of her reality, cried for the loss of romantic ideals.

"You are not obliged to love HuangShang." Qing-er murmured as HanXiang quieted.

"I should have known better," HanXiang murmured, "should have known from the beginning that we were doomed."

"Do you regret loving your warrior?"

HanXiang shook her head, "I could never regret it. Perhaps in the next lifetime, the wind and sand could reunite in the desert."

"Yes."

"Thank you, Qing-GeGe."

"Qing-er," she said.

"Qing-er," HanXiang agreed.

"Should NiangNiang ever wish for company...I cannot promise that I can always get away, but I will try."

HanXiang nodded. "Thank you."

When the month passed, HanXiang prepared herself. She bathed in the rose petal scented water, let her maids comb her long hair and dress it simply, and tried not to feel too underdressed as she sat on the edge of her bed. Maybe she was wrong, maybe he had forgotten about her. It was a fool's hope, she knew. During that month, he had respected her wishes and ceased his advances, but that did not stop him from sending little trinkets or books that he thought might appeal to her.

The slight creak of the door as it opened still made her jump. She stood as he walked into the room.

"HuangShang." She did her best not to flinch when she felt his hands at her elbows as he raised her to a standing position.

"You are beautiful," he whispered into her ear.

She shivered and wondered if he misinterpreted its meaning when he lifted her into his arms and approached the bed.

She closed her eyes and braced herself, biting her lip as she waited. She could hear the sound of rustling and wondered if he was undressing himself. She felt the bed dip and focused on her own breathing.

She expected the fervor of his kiss and did her best to stamp down her sense of panic. As the night air met her skin, she clung to the sheets so as not to push him away. She hadn't realized she had shed a tear until she felt his hand wipe it away.

"You have no need to be afraid. Zhen will be gentle."

She nodded. She expected him to claim her then and almost felt relieved. Instead, she became confused as she felt his hands continued to roam her skin. Her eyes opened and her breath caught at the way his gaze burned into hers. She was ashamed at the reactions of her body as he expertly examined it and coaxed pleasure from it with just his hands. At his self satisfied expression as she whimpered beneath him, however, she realized suddenly that he was surely experienced at the game of seduction. And though she was not technically a maiden any longer, that one stolen night was little preparation when she was in the company of an expert.

He kissed her again and she could do little except let him. When that moment did come, she could not help the moan that escaped her. She could feel him chuckle against her neck before his breathing became more chaotic. She tried to fight against the gathering wave within her, but his touch would not let her and she could only gasp as she felt it break. She could feel him move against her just a few more times before he also groaned and stilled.

As she lay there, hearing only the sound of panting, it dawned on her that she had forgotten to consider for the aftermath. She should perhaps feel used, dirty, but instead she felt...numb. She had approached that night with so much dread, had built up so much fear in her mind...it was not what she expected at all.

She felt him caress her cheek.

"So very lovely," she heard him whisper with not a small amount of awe in his voice.

She turned to look at him. He wasn't her love, would never come close, but he was not the monster she had thought him to be.

"Zhen did say zhen would be gentle, no?" He smiled at her.

She lowered her gaze and nodded.

She felt him press a kiss to her forehead. "You are truly zhen's now, and zhen intends to keep zhen's promise to your father. You were always meant to be treasured."

She closed her eyes again and let sleep claim her. When she woke, he was already gone. She was glad of the privacy as she cleaned herself. She avoided looking at the bed as her maids attended to her and finished her toilette. She went about her day as though nothing had changed. And in a sense, nothing truly had.

Still, she was glad when Qing-er came and found her in the gardens.

She smiled in welcome and could tell that Qing-er was at least a little relieved.

"I was told that winter is a harsh season in BeiJing."

"It can be," Qing-er agreed, "but it is not yet here."

"The temperature is already cooler than what I'm used to. I'm surprised the jasmine flowers are still able to bloom."

"They are hardy plants," Qing-er noted.

HanXiang plucked a blossom and brought it to her nose, "I don't know why I expected it to smell differently."

Qing-er tilted her head, "is it helpful or harmful to have so many reminders of your homeland around you?"

HanXiang glanced about her, "sometimes I think I can see shadows of my younger self dancing in the garden or praying in the mosque. It feels a lifetime ago now. This small oasis...I despised it at first, seeing in it a pale imitation of home. I've learned to take comfort in it, for it reminds me of my purpose."

"NiangNiang is at peace?"

HanXiang shook her head, "I don't know. I do know, though, that I feel like dancing again."

"Then you should."

HanXiang smiled, "Would you like to learn?"

Qing-er blinked in surprise at the offer.

"I could not think of another way to offer my thanks."

"Alright," Qing-er returned her smile.

Qing-er wondered what LaoFoYe thought of her friendship with HanXiang. The dowager empress was still distrustful of the foreign princess, but she could find little to fault in HanXiang's behavior. She also made no comment when Qing-er informed her of the dance lessons. Maybe it was because Qing-er always answered any questions as honestly as she could and made no effort to hide her opinions about the concubine.

She took LaoFoYe's silence as tacit approval. She was glad because she discovered that she enjoyed the dance lessons. She had always thought herself too shy to pursue such a showy hobby, but there was a freedom to be found in following the music.

"I've heard it said that butterflies used to gather when NiangNiang danced."

HanXiang smiled as she sat down during their break, "Yes."

"It's true then?"

"Yes," HanXiang replied, "I used to dance for…" she paused. "I thought it was the biggest irony, when I woke from my...indisposition...and no longer had my scent. It was what enabled my father always to find me. And yet when it was no longer a burden, I could not take advantage of it." She sighed, "it matters not anymore."

She shook her head, "I am XiangFei now."

"NiangNiang is allowed to feel homesick."

HanXiang shook her head, "this is my home now."

"NiangNiang…"

HanXiang smiled determinedly, "I am not unhappy. I am not friendless either."

"And HuangShang?" Qing-er dared to ask.

"HuangShang is…" HanXiang looked at her hands, "not unkind."

"You are not obliged to love him," Qing-er repeated her earlier words.

"Love has very little to do with it." HanXiang said, "he is the emperor and I am his concubine. Our roles are clearly delineated."

Qing-er felt an overwhelming sadness at such words. She tucked it away carefully for later pondering.

HanXiang turned towards her companion, "it is better this way. Come, let us resume."

Qing-er noticed the first flurries of snow on her return walk to CiNingGong. She reached out a hand and let a few flakes land on her palm. Hmmm, the snow came early that year. She hoped HanXiang would be able to keep warm enough. Thinking of her friend, she was reminded of a particular twirl that seemed appropriate for the occasion. Spontaneously, she found herself moving into form.

When she completed the turn, she suddenly blinked, "FangYan?" How long had he been standing there?

"GeGe."

She tucked her arms into her cloak again, "I hadn't realized you had returned."

"Just last night," he answered.

"Ah, then you must be making your report to HuangShang."

"Yes. Just now."

"Oh."

"GeGe…"

"Yes?"

"I…" he cleared his throat, "have a good day."

"Same to you."

He nodded.

Qing-er watched him depart and frowned a little. Why had there suddenly been an awkwardness between them?

"Qing-er!"

She had barely stepped into the room when she was engulfed in a hug.

"XiaoYanZi! I thought you didn't like to come into the palace."

"Well brother and Yongqi came to make their reports to HuangAhMa so I thought it would be a good opportunity to deliver your presents to you."

"You didn't have to get me any presents."

"But I did anyways, so you'll just have to accept them."

Qing-er laughed, "alright."

XiaoYanZi filled the table with little trinkets as she told tales of her trip. Qing-er listened in both amusement and amazement as her friend described how they had interfered in various incidents.

"After we helped her bury her father, she told brother that she was his and would follow him whoever he went," XiaoYanZi chortled as she told of a young girl they had saved from being the victim of a group of ruffians, "I've never seen brother looked so alarmed or so uncomfortable. Not even when he later had to infiltrate the brothel to gain information."

"He did what?!" Qing-er gasped.

"I'll tell you about it later," XiaoYanZi promised, "anyways. Brother gave her money and told her to go find her relatives but she was pretty determined to pay her perceived debt with a life of servitude."

"So what did he do?"

XiaoYanZi snorted, "I rescued him, of course. But only because Yongqi insisted. Spoke to the local official's wife and found the girl a good position as a kitchen maid."

"Oh."

XiaoYanZi giggled again in memory, "brother was so relieved when we finally departed that town."

"And then we rescued another young lady who was about to be burned alive for becoming with child without being married. Even surrounded by burning torches, she still refused to give up the man's name. I admired her courage, though really thought the man was undeserving of it. I mean, really, they were going to burn his child and he still said nothing!"

"What happened?"

"I wish you could have seen it, Qing-er! Brother looked like a vengeful god when he flew out of the smoke with the girl in his arms."

"And the man she was protecting?"

XiaoYanZi snorted, "was the village chief's own son! Can you imagine! Yongqi used his authority and enough gold so that the chief was forced to let them marry. But I have my doubts that the man will be able truly to protect his wife."

"Anyways. And then we saved a little girl from her abusive father. Not really her father, just some man who had bought her when she was young. I wanted to adopt her, but brother made me see that it was better for her to live a more ordinary life." XiaoYanZi looked sad for a moment before she perked up, "we gave her to brother's friends, a lovely couple who never managed to have children of their own. I know XiaoGeZi will be cared for and she has promised to write, once she learns how of course."

"Sounds like you had an exciting time!"

"Oh yes! We did have time to enjoy the scenery too, of course. And I ate so many local delicacies! I brought some back for you to try."

Qing-er smiled, "thank you."

XiaoYanZi smiled back before she grew more serious, "we did have to do actual work too, and that wasn't so pleasant."

"No?"

XiaoYanZi shook her head, "it's difficult to feel triumphant when the end result is death."

"Ah, so you did prove the treason?"

XiaoYanZi nodded, "We found a small faction of the White Lotus Society, they were using the brothel as a meeting place. No one really thinks much of groups of men going to such an establishment after all. I wanted to go undercover, but Yongqi wouldn't let me."

"I can imagine."

"I understand his reasoning, I suppose...And brother did have more experience with such matters and made a rather convincing drunkard."

"How do you know?"

"I was allowed to keep watch from across the street. And if I didn't know any better, I would have found it easy to believe that brother was truly a laze-about who cares only for wine and women. It was most impressive. He managed to get the information we needed and we were able to set up an ambush."

XiaoYanZi grew quiet a moment, her expression becoming solemn, before she continued, "They fought fiercely, though they were outmatched by sheer number. And brother did not hold back his skill. It's meant to capture them but it all ended in so much told me to look away from the carnage, even as he gave orders to the archers and ground soldiers. And it truly was a carnage. They didn't stand a chance."

"But they were traitors, weren't they?"

"Yes," XiaoYanZi admitted, "and yet...surely they must have believed in their own ideals for them to fight so fiercely."

Qing-er frowned at her friend's subdued expression, "XiaoYanZi?"

"Hmmm? Oh! Sorry, Qing-er. It was just rather shocking for me to witness." She visibly shook herself, "anyways, I did manage to ask brother about it afterwards."

"About the Society?"

"What? No. I mean, yes about them too, but more about how he was able to act so well and if he was drawing on any past experiences. He wasn't amused at my teasing."

"No, your brother does not seem the sort to frequent such places."

"Of course I know that. I only meant it as a joke."

"He probably took it as an affront to his honor."

XiaoYanZi shrugged before observing, "you seem to understand brother rather well."

Qing-er blinked, "I…"

XiaoYanZi, however, had already turned back to the various packages. "Come, try some of these treats! I was assured that they'd keep, but I want to be sure!"

Qing-er unwrapped one obediently and let XiaoYanZi explain the various packages.

Shortly afterwards, ZiWei gave birth to the Fu family heir. Qing-er, bearing gifts also from LaoFoYe, joined her friends at XueShiFu.

"Oh, he's absolutely darling!"

ZiWei smiled proudly while ErKang hovered anxiously.

"I'm not going to drop him," XiaoYanZi rolled her eyes.

"You can't blame me for being cautious."

"You weren't this nervous when Qing-er held him."

"I trust Qing-er more than I trust you," ErKang retorted.

"I think we should have the nainiang take him before he wakes from so much scrutiny from his many aunts and uncles," Yongqi spoke in an effort to cut short the bickering.

The nainiang obediently stepped forward and removed the precious bundle from XiaoYanZi's arms.

"What are you going to call him?"

"TianMing, though Dong-er for short."

"Dong-er," Qing-er repeated, "because he's born in the winter?"

ZiWei nodded.

"Not because SaiYa's daughter is Xi-er?"

"You know that YunXi is named for the sunset marking her time of birth," Yongqi reminded his wife.

"Still, it sounds like the word for west. And dong also sounds like the word for east. Qing-er, when you have a child, you'll have to name it either Nan-er or Bei-er. Just to add to the compass."

Qing-er smiled, "I feel like my future husband ought also to have a say in the matter."

"But you're a princess, surely you can just use your rank to demand the right to name your own child."

Qing-er chuckled, "I do hope I can have a rational discussion with my future husband about so important a topic."

"What topic?"

She turned towards the sound of his voice and fought a blush at his timing.

"I'm sorry I'm late," XiaoJian apologized to his hosts, "HuangShang wished to review the most recent patrol schedule for the guards."

"No matter," ErKang reassured him with a smile, "you're just in time to see my son before the nainiang takes him away."

XiaoJian peaked at the little face within the bundle of blankets and his whole expression softened, "hello little one."

"When will you give me a nephew too, brother?"

He sat down in the chair saved for him and looked at his sister with a raised eyebrow, "I already gave you a parrot."

XiaoYanZi snorted, "how can that compare? Don't be silly."

"You have a parrot?" Qing-er asked.

XiaoYanZi nodded, "brother said one of the ambassadors offered it to him as a gift."

"I thought it a more fitting companion for my sister."

"It is a lot like her," Yongqi said with a smile.

"What do you mean by that?" XiaoYanZi glared at her husband.

"Just that you're both very clever," he replied innocently, "it's already learning to recite idioms."

ZiWei and Qing-er both covered their lips to hide a smile.

Qing-er had a sudden thought, "when the weather grows warm again, do you think you'd be able to bring the parrot into the palace for a visit?"

"Sure. But I don't think LaoFoYe would like it."

"Oh, it's not for LaoFoYe."

"Then who?"

"XiangFeiNiangNiang."

XiaoYanZi wrinkled her nose, "her?"

"Please?"

"But why?"

"She's far from home," Qing-er said quietly.

"But…"

ZiWei noted something in Qing-er's expression that moved her to speak, "you should go visit YanXiGong too. I'm sure 7-GeGe and 9-GeGe would both be entertained."

"They would, wouldn't they?" XiaoYanZi perked up at the reminder.

Qing-er sent a grateful look at ZiWei who just smiled.

"Thank you for accompanying me back again," Qing-er said to her companion as they again walked through the palace.

"I had left something I wished to retrieve in the guards' quarters anyways."

"Oh. It's not like you to be forgetful." She blushed when he paused on the path to stare at her. "I only meant that…"

"I know what you meant."

"You do?"

He looked away and resumed walking, "Yes."

She hurried to catch up to him. After a while, she broke the silence again, "XiaoYanZi told me about your trip."

"Did she?"

"She was especially impressed with your skills at disguise."

He looked at her sharply, "she told you, did she?"

Qing-er nodded, "I told her I thought she insulted your honor even if she was in jest."

"Really?"

"Really." She said with certainty, meeting his gaze steadily before adding, "it sounded like she got the chance to be a jianghu heroine."

He smiled wryly, "she wasn't kidding when she claimed that she attracts trouble. She probably didn't tell you that she instigated most of the adventures."

"She had no need to, I rather assumed."

They traded smiles before his gaze turned more considering, "and you?"

"Me?"

"The matter that had troubled you before, does it still bother you now?"

"Sometimes." Qing-er admitted.

"Could I be of assistance?"

She shook her head, "it's very kind of you, but it's something I ought to puzzle out myself."

"Does it have to do with XiangFeiNiangNiang?"

Her silence was answer enough.

"You are kind to offer her friendship."

Qing-er did not reply at first, but then asked him, "do you think it's better to have loved and lost or not to have loved at all?"

"I'm not sure," he took the seemingly random question in stride and responded honestly, "as you know, I know very little about love."

She nodded.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"I...I don't know. Falling in love is a risky business."

"From what I've been told, it's not something that can be helped, when it does happen."

She sighed, "I was afraid as much."

"GeGe?"

She shook her head again, "it's easy to be envious of ZiWei and XiaoYanZi, even SaiYa, because of their happiness. But I've ever lived a careful life."

They had arrived at CiNingGong.

"Thank you again," she said to him.

"My pleasure," he responded.

He stared at the closed door a moment, frowning to himself. Since seeing her in the garden that day, he felt that something had changed between them. Or maybe the change had predated even that encounter. During his trip with his sister and her husband, he had found himself thinking of what she would say to various sights and situations. And seeing her in mid twirl that day, the snowflakes falling gently around her...it was beautiful; she was beautiful.

His eyes widened as realization dawned. He had surprised himself with his awkwardness when he had saved that one young girl during their trip. It wasn't as though he hadn't saved other damsels in distress in the past, some of whom were even more forward in their intent to show their gratitude. He had skillfully rejected all of them. So why had he been so embarrassed that time? Was it merely just because of the presence of his sister?

He rather thought he had an answer now.

Spring came again and this time the Spring Hunt was able to be completed without interruption.15-Ah-Ge's one year birthday was also a cause for grand celebration. All seemed well until RongQinWang fell ill.

Yongqi was given to small bouts of cold and indisposition, but he always recovered quickly. This time, however, his symptoms continued to worsen until XiaoYanZi woke one day to the sound of his coughs and saw him attempting to hide the handkerchief from her. Even in his weakened state, he was able to snatch it back when she stared at the splash of red in shock.

"Yongqi…"

His heart clenched at the fear in her wide eyes.

"It's nothing."

She grew angry, "don't be an idiot. I'm going to ask someone to summon Hu TaiYi."

"XiaoYanZi...he'll just give me more bitter medicines."

"He can make you better," she insisted as she climbed out of bed.

He sighed, which triggered another bout of coughing.

She watched anxiously as HuTaiYi examined his patient.

"WangYe, WangFei. WangYe's tumor has grown."

"How much bigger?" XiaoYanZi asked.

"It's difficult to tell…"

"What are you going to do about it?"

"XiaoYanZi…" Yongqi managed to whisper, "we knew it would grow."

XiaoYanZi ignored him and focused on the physician, "well?"

"I can adjust the medicines perhaps."

"Whatever you need to do."

"But the stronger the medicine, the more severe the side effects as well."

"Whatever you need to do," XiaoYanZi repeated.

The physician looked at Yongqi who just nodded.

"Very well, I will go examine my books."

After he departed, Yongqi patted the space next to him on the bed, "you're too far away."

XiaoYanZi sat next to him and gripped his hand, "I'm not ready…"

"Me either," he admitted.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready," she whispered.

"XiaoYanZi…"

He looked at her so tenderly that she felt the tears begin to well up despite herself. But no, she wouldn't cry. He liked to see her smiling and that's what she would do.

"You should rest. I'll go tell cook to make some of your favorite foods."

He shook his head, "come here."

"You need to eat something, to keep up your strength."

"XiaoYanZi, come here."

She didn't like how weak the tug of his hand on hers was. She kicked off her shoes and moved to nestle into his arms. She could feel his whole body shake with intermittent coughs. But still, she stayed.

"This is nice," he told her.

She brought their laced fingers to her lips.

"I will stay with you, as long as I can." He whispered.

"I know," she replied, "I know."

"How is XiaoYanZi?" Qing-er asked him when she saw him in the gardens.

XiaoJian sighed, "She's...coping. SaiYa physically dragged her out riding the other day."

"I'm glad," Qing-er said, "I wish I could do more than pray."

"It still counts," he told her.

"LaoFoYe prays too."

He nodded before sharing. "My godfather had sent some suggestions, when I first wrote to him of WangYe's illness. HuTaiYi is examining the less traditional ones to see if they would be safe to try."

"I hope so. I cannot imagine if…" she pressed her lips together, not daring to tempt fate.

"I know how my sister would answer you." He said after a moment.

"Hmmm?"

"She will never regret loving him."

"Oh." She sighed, "it takes so much strength to love someone so much."

"They give each other strength, I think."

"You seem to understand love better than you did in the past."

"It's difficult not to learn, when I see it so often."

She smiled a little, "and you are of an observant nature."

"As are you."

She looked away a moment, feeling the need to compose herself, "please tell XiaoYanZi I am thinking of her."

"Of course."

They parted company then and, mindful of the many watching eyes and listening ears in the palace, he gave no indication that they were anything other than good friends. But as he stood guard for the emperor that day, he found his attention otherwise occupied. She was right, he was observant. Enough to have noticed that she was as well. Enough to know that she was someone who thought deeply about her experiences and who liked to figure things out for herself. He could relate. They had both been alone for much of their lives.

He thought he'd feel more different after acknowledging the shifts in his feelings about her...that he had feelings about a GeGe at all really. But she wasn't just a GeGe. She was...Qing-er. He didn't know how else to delineate the difference. He also thought his world would be different somehow, knowing that he did think of her in non platonic terms, but each day still passed, and he still had obligations and tasks to fulfill.

He had asked ErKang once, how he knew he loved ZiWei. His friend had shared with his usual certainty that he had felt intrigue for ZiWei from the moment they met. In retrospect, it may well have been love at first sight. But for ErKang, it was the moment he realized he wanted to marry ZiWei, wanted to give her all the respectability and honor she had been denied most of her life, and his willingness to defy the rules of their society to make such a wish reality that made him realize what he felt was no mere infatuation.

XiaoJian didn't think he possessed the same level of passion. But then, the circumstances of their initial meeting were not as dramatic. The same could not be said of his sister and her husband. He frowned as he thought on the shadow of worry over XiaoYanZi's features the last time he had seen her. She hid it well when in Yongqi's presence but in the rare moments she wasn't, he could tell Yongqi's illness, the most severe bout since she had initially found out about it, weighed on her. He was most impressed that SaiYa was able to get XiaoYanZi to leave Yongqi's side at all; it was a task he had failed to accomplish.

Qing-er was right. It took so much strength to love someone so much. Should the worst happen, he wanted to believe that his sister was strong enough to survive the grief. She was too vivacious, too lively a person for him to think that she would pine and waste away. Besides, he was pretty sure that Yongqi would never want such a fate for her either. It was why she tried her best to laugh and joke and teach her parrot to say ridiculous things. And for her sake, Yongqi did his best to smile and tease and show genuine enjoyment of her antics. He blinked at his epiphany. His words to Qing-er had been made instinctively; in that moment he felt the true weight of their truthfulness.

No, XiaoYanZi would never regret loving Yongqi. In contrast, what he felt for Qing-er did not yet have that same level of depth. Though...must it take a life altering event to bring about such devotion?

He understood love better now, but he was still far from being an expert.

A funeral was held that summer, but it wasn't for RongQinWang.

Qing-er, kneeling in front of the casket, still found herself in a state of shock. She had just danced with her friend a week ago. And now...HanXiang was gone. There were suspicions of wrongdoing, of course there was, but the investigations revealed nothing. Perhaps it really was as the royal physicians said; XiangFeiNiangNiang was the victim of an exposure new to her body, an illness she could not have hoped to defeat given its novelty.

"Zhen wonders," Qing-er overheard the emperor say to his mother, some days after HanXiang was laid to rest, "if this is the heavens' way of telling zhen that she truly didn't belong with us mere mortals. The short time that zhen was able to possess her…"

Qing-er had slipped away then to the jujube trees. By the emperor's orders, everything was kept the same, as though HanXiang had never left. She wandering the paths, remembering. She paused suddenly when she saw a butterfly flutter across the sky. She raised her hand to protect her eyes from the sun's glare but thought she saw another butterfly meet it before both disappeared.

HanXiang had been so afraid that her warrior would reject her, should they meet in the after life. It seemed that her fears were unfounded.

Qing-er bowed her head. Maybe she was letting her imagination run away with her. Maybe she wanted too much to believe that the wind and the sand were happily reunited. But...it also seemed such a waste to have HanXiang go through such anguish, such self-sacrifice just to have it all end in such a way. What was the point of the suffering?

Maybe...maybe HanXiang truly was a deity of some sort and all that had happened was merely a test to teach her about earthly suffering. After all, did the monk in XiYouJi not have to withstand various trials to gain enlightenment?

She shook her head at such flights of fancy.

She wandered the buildings and gardens, half-expecting to see her friend turn and smile at her in greeting around each corner. She should be happy for HanXiang, should believe that those butterflies were not just a coincidence. And yet…

It took strength to love someone, but it also took strength to perform one's duty. Had her warrior lived, would HanXiang still have chosen as she did? Or would she have drowned in her own misery? Misery itself was a choice, wasn't it? Maybe that was the lesson; a balance needed to be struck between sentimentality and practicality.

Qing-er sighed as she sat at the edge of the fountain. The water seemed much too cheerful as it danced in the sunlight. Could falling in love ever be a choice though? HanXiang had said she knew better. Qing-er too knew better, and yet…

A curious mind was a dangerous thing; experience taught a lesson better than mere observation. Still, she could not altogether abandon her careful nature, wrought after so many years at LaoFoYe's side.

The thought came to her again when, months later, she looked out the carriage window and saw FangYan on his horse. He did cut a rather dashing figure.

"I'm glad to see both HuangShang and Yongqi in better spirits."

LaoFoYe's voice made her return her attention to the inside of the carriage.

"And XiaoYanZi as well," Qing-er added.

"Yes…" LaoFoYe's voice was full of grudging approval as she added, "I did not think she could be in possession of such attentiveness or meticulousness."

Qing-er used her handkerchief to hide her smile.

LaoFoYe cleared her throat, "I had forgotten, when I suggested this trip, that the Fang siblings are originally from HangZhou."

"XiaoYanZi is excited to pay her respects to her parents at last."

"And are you to go with her?"

"LaoFoYe?"

LaoFoaye looked at her charge shrewdly, "you have grown close to ZiWei and XiaoYanZi. Even calling them sworn sisters."

"Yes. And SaiYa as well."

"Hmmm yes. Their husbands are perhaps the youngsters HuangShang favors the most. And not without good reason."

Qing-er inclined her head in acknowledgement.

"FangYan can also count himself among that number. Few have climbed the ranks so quickly. A most remarkable feat that likely relates to his relation to XiaoYanZi."

"HuangShang has ever prized a keen mind." Qing-er said carefully.

"Yes. I am not so callous as to indicate he has no merits of his own."

Qing-er thought silence was the best answer.

"And he must be in possession of no little ambition."

"I believe he is passionate about doing right for the people and upholding justice. Like ErKang and ErTai, he is dedicated to RongQinWang's efforts to eradicate bribery and corruption."

"Yes. A noble task, with noble young men at the helm. Their idealism is to be admired."

LaoFoYe raised an eyebrow at Qing-er's frown, "you think me too jaded."

"I...I merely think it's a worthy cause, to want to improve reality."

"The foolish confidence of youth," LaoFoYe stated.

"Is the future not to be determined by the young?"

LaoFoYe looked thoughtful, "you have become braver, my Qing-er."

"LaoFoYe?"

"I suppose I should have expected it, with you being so close to ZiWei, XiaoYanZi, and SaiYa."

"If LaoFoYe minds…"

"Minds?" The dowager empress shook her head, "I will not always be around, I'd rather you have the ability to stand on your own two feet. You cannot be my little girl forever."

"Qing-er is willing to stay at LaoFoYe's side…

"Ah my dear child…" LaoFoYe interrupted her, "I've already kept you too long."

"Has LaoFoYe grown tired of my company?"

"Of course not. But neither do I wish for you to be a spectator forever. You ought to have your own life, same as your 'sisters.'"

Qing-er, looking down at her clasped hands, did not see her grandmother's sad smile.

"I am tired now, I'd like to rest before our arrival."

The dowager empress soon fell asleep and woke only when they arrived at their destination. Qing-er fanned her grandmother gently though did manage to steal another glance out the window. She had immediately drawn back when her eyes met his. She dared not move the curtain again. Had XiaoYanZi not been too occupied by Yongqi's healing, she might have bothered her brother more about the changing nature of his relationship with Qing-er. Had SaiYa not been focused on her second pregnancy, she might have also confronted Qing-er about the stolen glances and new blushes. As it was, only ZiWei, ever sensitive, made vague mentions of her observations. Qing-er smiled wryly to herself; thank heavens ZiWei was less forward than her other 'sisters.'

She should have realized LaoFoYe would have seen something as well. She had done her best to be careful, but LaoFoYe knew her better than anyone else in the world. And she...it seemed she had a type, didn't she? Despite everything, she still found herself drawn to a heroic figure.

They had made no confessions, made no allusion to what could be. She was too traditional to mention it and he...he liked certainty. They were both perhaps too practical to admit to their emotions without knowing they would have a future.

Qing-er only vaguely remembered meeting the four Chen daughters. She had barely been in the palace for a year when she accompanied LaoFoYe on the last trip. Seeing them in front of her again, she was struck again with the same thought as when she was younger. Their father surely had high expectations for his daughters.

But they more than lived up to them. As she watched ZhiHua dance and draw with her older sisters' musical accompaniment, she suddenly felt inferior. Strange, ZiWei and XiaoYanZi were also each talented in their own ways, but Qing-er had never felt the contrast as keenly. Her insecurity caused her to glance in FangYan's direction only to see that he was staring not at the performance but at her. Her breath caught and she found she could not look away. The sound of clapping and the emperor's laughter broke the moment.

"BanZhi, your daughters are truly named aptly!"

The Chen patriarch bowed and smiled proudly.

"Are all of them married?" LaoFoYe asked.

"All but the youngest."

"Ah, yes. ZhiHua, is it? The star of the show."

The girl blushed at the emperor's praise.

The emperor rose and walked among the paintings to examine them in closer detail, "hmmm, such talent deserves to be rewarded. Tell us, what do you desire?"

ZhiHua looked at her father a moment before ducking her head modestly, "to have been able to perform for HuangShang is reward enough, though my skills are surely meager compared with the GeGes'."

The emperor laughed again as he returned to his seat, "BanZhi, you have taught your daughters well. They are paragons of feminine virtue."

"Come, sit with me," LaoFoYe gestured to ZhiHua, "I'd like to learn a little more about your education."

Qing-er remained quiet as LaoFoYe interrogated the girl. ZhiHua was well-taught. Indeed, her education was comparable Qing-er's own, but she was also so...young. At age seventeen, she was in the bloom of her beauty; fresh, starry eyed, and so eager to please.

In the ensuing days, ZhiHua was often at LaoFoYe's side. Qing-er found her first impressions were borne out through further interactions with the girl. ZhiHua was clever but she had not yet learned to school her expressions. Thus, Qing-er didn't miss the blush on ZhiHua's cheeks when she saw Yongqi.

Yongqi was much recovered but his strength was sorely lacking compared to before his latest illness. XiaoYanZi could tell her husband was frustrated at his inability to go through martial forms and practice the sword with her, and so had encouraged him to paint more. She had not thought she would find herself learning to draw from him as a result.

"There, the shading should be a little darker," Yongqi paused in his own drawing to hold her hand to show her the amount of pressure to use.

XiaoYanZi nodded, "I see now, the different shadows overlap there."

He smiled at her, "right. You're really getting better at this."

She smiled sweetly back at him, "I do have an excellent teacher."

He seemed to lean closer to her before stopping suddenly at the sound of Qing-Er's cough.

The couple didn't jump apart, but Yongqi's cheeks lost some of their paleness.

"LaoFoYe jixiang."

LaoFoYe nodded her head in acknowledgement at their greeting, "How is your strength, Yongqi?"

"Much improved," he answered.

LaoFoYe nodded, "good. While I'm glad you're spared the cold winter in BeiJing, I know all this traveling can be tiring as well."

"LaoFoYe has no need to worry, XiaoYanZi ensured that I rested."

"Hmm...and what were you doing now?"

"The gardens here are so beautiful, I wished to record their likeness."

"I have heard tale of RongQinWang's skills," ZhiHua murmured quietly, though loud enough for everyone to hear.

"He is a wonderful artist," XiaoYanZi smiled proudly at her husband.

"Because I have such a wonderful muse at my side," his openly fond expression as he looked at her made it obvious his meaning.

Qing-er smiled at their sweet display.

"Does WangFei also draw?" ZhiHua asked.

"Not well," XiaoYanZi admitted.

"Not yet anyways," her husband interjected, "but I have been told that I am a rather good teacher."

She rolled her eyes at him but didn't lose her smile.

"If it's not too much imposition, I wondered if I might be able to see WangYe's drawing?"

"Oh," Yongqi tore his eyes away from his wife, "I'm sorry, I've been impolite. You are?"

"Chen ZhiHua."

"Oh!" XiaoYanZi exclaimed, "ZiWei told me all about your dazzling performance. I'm sorry to have missed it. I understand you are quite the artist yourself."

"HeSiGeGe surely exaggerated."

XiaoYanZi smiled at her, "ZiWei does tend to be kind when expressing herself, but she gives her opinions honestly."

She turned towards her husband, "Let her see. I'd like to hear what someone who knows what they're doing has to say."

"You're not completely ignorant."

She just raised an eyebrow at him before turning to smile at ZhiHua again, "come closer, we don't bite."

Qing-er smiled again as she watched them. XiaoYanZi will always be her spirited self, but caring for Yongqi has smoothed some of her sharp edges. As for Yongqi...he seemed to take his limited time as permission to be less guarded. Thus, it was so very obvious that the two were as in love with each other as ever.

Noticing ZhiHua's quietness as they departed to resume their walk, Qing-er figured the younger girl had also noticed. Qing-er found that for once, she was glad of Yongqi's illness. Had circumstances been different…

"How is it that WangYe's health is so fragile?" ZhiHua asked Qing-er when LaoFoYe retired for her nap.

"He is already much improved."

ZhiHua nodded but added, "he had been in the region, years ago, when we had that flood. He visited only briefly, just to discuss logistics with father. It's not surprising that he wouldn't remember."

Ah. Qing-er wasn't the only one who had a propensity for heroes.

"To see him today…it's like seeing a shadow." ZhiHua suddenly looked horrified that she had stated her bought out loud, "I meant no disrespect."

Qing-er smiled slightly, "you have no need to apologize. This trip was planned in part for his sake. HuangShang thought warmer climates and a change of scenery may help. HuTaiYi also has colleagues in these regions that he wanted to consult."

"Oh. So there is a chance he may yet recover?"

Qing-er sighed, "Depends on what you mean by recover…"

"Oh."

"We have all had time to come to terms with it," Qing-er said softly, "though that does not make it any easier. Especially not for XiaoYanZi."

"You mean RongQinWangFei?"

Qing-er nodded.

"It's odd to see them next to each other. She's so very...lively."

"Yes. She is his reason for living." Qing-er said it matter-of-factly, the better to reinforce the truth of her words.

"She is very lucky."

Qing-er was sure she wasn't meant to hear her companion's quiet muttering. Nonetheless, she answered, "they both are."

When they left the Chen estate, it was with the understanding that ZhiHua would rejoin them on their return journey to the capital. Qing-er accepted LaoFoYe's decision, though her opinion certainly wasn't asked. And the way the question was phrased, ZhiHua herself was given only a semblance of choice. Still, Qing-er knew better than to think LaoFoYe was seeking to replace her. Rather, LaoFoYe was only seeking to reassure her. It was a truth she had felt but had been reluctant to acknowledge; she had outgrown simply being LaoFoYe's companion. Like a mother bird, however, LaoFoYe was nudging her out of the nest.

"My Qing-er...someone with your pedigree and talents, I had long set my sights high for you. But, you carry with you a certain quiet stubbornness that I recognize all too well." LaoFoYe had said to her when they returned from a garden stroll with the ladies of the Chen household to view the flowers that bloomed only at night.

Qing-er looked at her grandmother quizzically.

"I've raised you single handedly; it's unsurprising that you should acquire some of my habits."

"LaoFoYe…" Qing-er could feel her heart race as she realized that she had acted too freely when they ran into FangYan playing a tune on the xiao earlier.

"He was all that was respectful, but his eyes gave him away...and you are not indifferent to him."

"I…" Qing-er could feel her cheeks grow warm. "I hope LaoFoYe is not disappointed in me."

LaoFoYe sighed, "I still do not think him truly worthy of you, but then, I doubt I will ever think so highly of anyone."

"Even ErKang?" Qing-er had calmed and decided to let some of her new bravery show.

LaoFoYe chuckled, "even him. Besides, I've heard that your young man can defeat even ErKang in a fight."

"Yes, he is most capable." She wasn't completely able to keep the pride from her voice.

"He may not have grown up close to the court as the Fu brothers have, but neither has he done anything untoward that would be an insult to my authority. During this trip, I can appreciate his professionalism in his interactions with you. And if his sister's behavior is any indication, I know I can depend on him to be an attentive and dedicated spouse."

Qing-er knew such words were akin the the highest praise when coming from LaoFoYe. It warmed her heart to know that LaoFoYe trusted her to find her own wings and fly.

"When the time is right, I trust you will send him to me."

"Yes, LaoFoYe."

Her grandmother simply patted Qing-er's hand.

"Yongqi says there's to be a meteor shower tomorrow night, you'll join us, won't you Qing-er?"

"I'll ask LaoFoYe."

XiaoYanZi tilted her head, "Surely you don't need her permission for all things."

"She should know where I am."

"You're such an obedient child," XiaoYanZi sighed.

"Unmarried women are beholden to their fathers, married ones to their husbands, and widowed ones to their sons." Qing-er reminded her, "as I am lacking a father, LaoFoYe is the authority figure in my life."

XiaoYanZi snorted, "It may be sacrilegious to disagree with Confucius, but surely he thinks too little of the capabilities of women."

Qing-er smiled teasingly, "because he was never fortunate enough to meet you."

XiaoYanZi snorted again, "he would have died from shock."

Qing-er chuckled before thinking to ask, "where is Yongqi?"

"Gone to investigate the integrity of the local bridges with brother."

Qing-er blinked, "oh."

"They pretended they were going fishing, but they had none of the supplies."

"You didn't say anything?"

XiaoYanZi shook her head, "Yongqi is finally well enough to ride a horse, even if just for short distances, he needs to prove he still can to himself. I used to think that the life of a prince was an idle one, but he has always been so responsible. It has driven him mad, though he hides it well, to be forced to be more leisurely."

"Very observant of you."

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "we're both in possession of restless natures; he just has more experience channeling his energies in productive ways."

"ZiWei says marriage has been good for you."

XiaoYanZi was quiet a moment before she confessed, "I did not think it possible to love someone so much."

"Not possible in general or not possible for you?"

"You and ZiWei are both too insightful," XiaoYanZi complained in way of answer.

Qing-er took a sip of tea to hide her smile.

"And what about you?" XiaoYanZi recovered quickly, "has LaoFoYe picked out a groom for you?"

Qing-er set down her cup and folded her hands demurely together, "she doesn't think anyone to be worthy." It wasn't exactly a lie.

"I daresay she's right. Though...you're absolutely certain you wouldn't consider brother?"

Qing-er smiled. Ah, if only her friend knew. "I thought you had given up on that idea."

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "I've been too distracted to bother him about it. He doesn't seem to be in a hurry at all either."

"I'm sure he has plenty of duties to occupy his time."

"Yes...he and ErTai had divided much of Yongqi's burden back home. But more than that...he seems to be waiting for something."

Or someone, Qing-er thought but did not say.

XiaoYanZi shrugged, "he always did keep his own counsel. Maybe he's happy being alone. I suppose I'll just reconciled myself never to being an aunt."

Qing-Er's lips twitched , "Xi-er and Dong-er and SaiYa's new little one don't count?"

"I'm greedy, I'd like to be a gugu (aunt on the father's side) too."

Qing-er laughed.

The stars were beautiful, the meteor shower even more so.

Qing-er could hear ZiWei and ErKang murmuring lines of poetry to each other, but she felt certain that no words could adequately describe such a scene.

XiaoYanZi made an exclamation of delight and she heard Yongqi's answering laughter. "I'm so glad my calculations were correct."

"Of course they were!" XiaoYanZi declared even as she laid down on the grass with her head in his lap.

Qing-er didn't have to look to know that they were the picture of contentment.

"You should make a wish."

She didn't turn away from the sky, even as she felt FangYan settle next to her.

"Do meteors have the power to grant wishes?"

"Some believe they can."

"Do you?"

"I believe man has a responsibility to make his own wishes reality. Relying on celestial bodies alone is surely a sign of laziness."

She nodded.

"But," he added, "maybe they can help."

She turned towards him then, "and what is your wish?"

There was such an expression of understanding on her face...he couldn't explain it, but the moment just felt right, "Qing-er…"

He said no more than her name, but still she smiled and, summoning her courage, slipped her hand into his, "Yes?"

His fingers curled reflexively around hers, "Qing-er."

She smiled again and turned back to the sky. They will have to speak of it soon, but for now, it was enough.

He marveled at her calmness, for his own feelings were surely in turmoil. Elation, disbelief, contentment, incredulity, all warred for dominance in a heady rush. No wonder ErTai had commented that when ErKang met ZiWei, he lost all his usual cool demeanor. He was sure he looked a fool, staring at her profile the way he was. The darkness hid her blush, but could not hide the racing of her pulse.

He heard his sister sigh in disappointment as the last meteor streaked across the sky and was reminded that they were not alone. Knowing Qing-er was not someone who liked attention, he spoke, "XiaoYanZi, has Yongqi been teaching you astronomy in addition to painting?"

As he intended, his sister took his question as a challenge and started naming as many constellations as she could.

Qing-er gave him a shy but knowing look, to which he just squeezed her hand in return.

They went as a group to visit his parents' graves, more, he suspected, to support XiaoYanZi. Their friends paid their respects but then gave the siblings time alone to reminisce.

After he had delivered his sister back to Yongqi, he went to find Qing-er.

He was glad to see her waiting on a bench beneath a willow tree in a more secluded area on the banks.

She turned at the sound of his footsteps. "I got you message," she said needlessly.

He sat next to her and reached again for her hand. "Qing-er…I…" How was it that he was suddenly tongue-tied?

She waited, but he still seemed incapable of speech. So, she looked out over the water and told him about HanXiang and the questions that had plagued her.

"Did you find answers?"

"In a way," Qing-er answered, "in the end, I figured that to understand fully, I had to experience love for myself."

"Ah...and you chose me?"

She shook her head, "no. You chose me."

She looked from their intertwined fingers to his eyes, "since your return, something has been different. Do you deny it?"

He did not.

"You had no need to say anything. As LaoFoYe said, your eyes gave you away."

"Still, you were under no obligation to…"

"I know," she interrupted him, "but it was easy, too easy even. I am put in mind of the queen from Journey to the West who fell in love with the monk, the first man she had ever seen. My life has not been as sheltered, but I also grew up surrounded by women. I am luckier than she was; you are not in danger of leaving me with just a vague hope of meeting again in the next lifetime. And...well, it is nice to be chosen."

"ErKang's loss is my gain."

She inclined her head, not surprised that he had figured it out on his own.

"I am a blunt sort of person," he warned her, "I have no gift of a honeyed tongue to provide pointless compliments."

"Your honesty is at once a strength and a flaw," she agreed.

"I do not believe in becoming attached at the hip."

"And I am someone who values my own privacy."

"I will forget to consult you on major decisions."

"I will remind you."

"I am not an easy man to love," he gave her a final chance to change her mind.

"I am not afraid."

"Qing-er…" he looked for any sign of hesitancy in her eyes, "I won't let you back out now, you know that, don't you?"

"I will not surrender my integrity or self-identity to your forceful nature," she told him.

"I do not expect it," he seemed surprised that she felt it necessary to state her intention out loud.

"I say it as a reminder to myself," she amended.

"People will say you are marrying beneath yourself."

"With LaoFoYe's blessing, you will have more than enough authority to prove them wrong."

"She will never let me forget the difference in our stations."

"And yet she is expecting to speak with you."

"Had she been opposed to me, would you still be here?"

She looked away from him at such a question.

"Qing-er," he tugged on her hand, "I am selfish enough to make you choose."

"Do you really wish to know the answer?"

He saw the conflict in her eyes and knew, instinctively, that she was not like his sister nor ZiWei. She did have ties that bound her, family to which she was beholden, habits formed over a lifetime.

"I would not blame you," he decided.

She sighed, "As I said, I cannot abandon who I am. Marriage is not just between two people but two families."

"Then I must learn to share," he reassured her determinedly, "if XiaoYanZi can adapt to being a WangFei, I can surely learn to be an E Fu."

"It does not bother you, that people will make light of your accomplishments in the setting of your connections to your sister and to me?"

"There are few people whose opinions truly have the power to change my decisions."

"Such attitude is admirable but could be detrimental without the appropriate support," she warned him.

He inclined his head in acknowledgement, "Then I must learn from you."

"Me?"

"This is your world."

She tilted her head, "You say it as though it is not yours." At his expression, she added, "you still think of yourself as XiaoJian."

"That life seems so far away sometimes," he admitted to her.

"But it is not altogether lost."

He inclined his head in recognition of the truth of her words but added, "drifting with the wind was always easier, less messy."

She nodded in understanding, "solitude provides a cocoon of safety."

"Yes."

"Choosing me anchors you to this new life," she observed, "to being FangYan."

"Yes," he said again.

She stared into his eyes, "will it prove adventurous enough?" Will I be enough?

He gazed back confidently, "it's a different sort of challenge." Of course.

"I can see why HuangShang likes him," LaoFoYe told Qing-er after her audience with XiaoJian.

"LaoFoYe?"

"The times are changing, his lack of Manchu blood seems less important to my son." She made a sound too dignified to be a snort, "he would not favor LingGuiFei so if lineage alone mattered to him."

"He is less sentimental than ErKang," she observed after a moment, "and more decisive than Yongqi."

Still, Qing-er waited.

"It shall have to wait until we return to the capital." LaoFoYe informed her at last.

Qing-er nodded, having expected as much.

LaoFoYe just patted her hand.

Words were superfluous, Qing-er knew. Still…"it means much to me, for LaoFoYe to approve of him. I could not truly be happy without your blessing."

The dowager empress's expression softened, "he is a rather serious sort of man, but then, you were always a solemn child."

"He gives me the time and space to be myself."

"As long as he recognizes the jewel that you are."

"LaoFoYe is biased."

"I never claimed to be impartial."

Qing-er ducked her head to hide her smile.

"Enough sentimentality," LaoFoYe declared, "were we not to visit the Dreaming of the Tiger Spring today?"

"And the resting place of Daoji." Qing-er reminded her.

"Ah yes. How could I forget? A monk whose external sloppy appearance hid a kind and generous heart."

"Thus teaching one not to judge on what is visible alone."

LaoFoYe laughed at her daring comment, "hmm. Yes."

LaoFoYe took to bed with a headache when her son expressed a wish to bring XiaYingYing back to the palace.

Qing-er slipped from the room as quietly as she could when she noticed her grandmother had fallen asleep at last. She arrived to find Yongqi doing his best to placate his wife. ErKang also had his arms around ZiWei, whose expression clearly showed her own troubled thoughts.

"Qing-er!" XiaoYanZi declared, "you agree with me, don't you?"

"That depends on what I'm agreeing to."

"HuangAhMa can't just...it's like with XiangFeiNiangNiang all over again! Doesn't he have enough women?!"

"Has LingGuiFei indicated dissatisfaction?"

"No," XiaoYanZi grudgingly admitted, "but then she's too nice to show it even if she felt it."

"LingGuiFei is doing the right thing by keeping silent."

"But…"

Qing-er sighed, "HuangShang is allowed his dalliances."

XiaoYanZi's expression grew more sour.

"XiaoYanZi," ZiWei said, her voice soft, "I'm the result of such a dilliance."

"She is not your mother's reincarnation. HuangAhMa just said that as an excuse, to try to get you on his side."

"I…" ZiWei visibly leaned into ErKang.

"She's not." XiaoYanZi stamped a foot.

"The best thing to do," Qing-er said in as reasonable a tone as she could once she recovered from her shock at XiaoYanZi's words, "is to let LaoFoYe and HuangShang complete their battle. HuangShang is too filial not to let LaoFoYe win, in the end."

"Particularly if Xia gu niang is unwilling."

The group turned to see FangYan enter.

"Xia gu niang is a shrewd woman. To have attracted HuangShang's attention is to have won freedom for herself."

"How could you possibly know?" XiaoYanZi demanded.

"You did say I was an expert at disguise," her brother commented dryly.

"You went to investigate?" ZiWei asked, sparing only the slightest glance at Qing-er.

XiaoJian nodded, "Xia gu niang wishes to buy her freedom. HuangShang is but the means."

"She's using him?!" XiaoYanZi at once became indignant.

"I thought you were angry with HuangAhMa," Yongqi said, clearly confused.

"I am but…"

"She is a survivor. Her father sold her to cover his own gambling debts; he later died in a drunken altercation. Xia guniang made the best of her circumstances and rose to prominence within the brothel for her projected appearance of gentility. There is a wealthy merchant who is much taken with her; she could have become his concubine as a means of escape. But then we arrived. I believe Xia guniang would much prefer actual freedom."

"Huh." XiaoYanZi said eloquently.

"Besides, she has too much self confidence and pride to enjoy being someone else's replacement." He cast an apologetic look at ZiWei who just shook her head slightly to indicate her forgiveness.

"But..." XiaoYanZi attempted to start again.

"You also survived through performance, did you not?" Qing-er interrupted, aware that XiaoYanZi did not fully understand her brother's second comment.

"That's different. I never took advantage of someone's emotions like she's doing."

ZiWei shook her head again, "you took advantage of their pity and generosity."

XiaoYanZi scowled, "that's different."

"HuangShang does not love her," Qing-er stated bluntly, "not the way Yongqi loves you, nor the way ErKang loves ZiWei. I don't think HuangShang has ever loved anyone aside from maybe FuCha Huang Hou in such a way. LingGuiFei keeps silent not because she doesn't care, but because she understands. To be the emperor's woman is to know that you are not, can never be, the only one."

It was a testament to how much she had changed that XiaoYanZi looked thoughtful.

"How is LaoFoYe?" ZiWei asked.

"Sleeping," Qing-er replied, trying to ignore the considering look FangYan gave her, "they are equally stubborn, but LaoFoYe has had more years of experience."

She thought she heard Yongqi snort, though he covered it with a cough. She caught ErKang and ZiWei trading amused expressions out of the corner of her eye.

XiaoYanZi frowned again, but for a different reason, "Yongqi?"

"I'm fine," he reassured her, "in fact, why don't we go enjoy the sunshine rather than be cooped up inside?"

"You're certain?"

"HuTaiYi said that sun and fresh air was good for me," he reminded her.

When she still looked uncertain, he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door, "come on! Didn't you say you saw a family of swans the other day? Show me!"

"A walk does sound like a good idea," ErKang said softly.

ZiWei nodded and let him pull her to her feet, "it is a beautiful day, despite everything. I hear it's snowing back in BeiJing."

The room emptied save for her and FangYan.

"We should join them," she told him.

He nodded but made no movements. "Qing-er…you're not angry?"

"Angry?"

"That I went to that kind of place."

"Should I be angry?"

"Maybe?"

"You had a reason for being there."

"Still…"

"I trust you."

He did move then, "Qing-er…"

That close, she caught faint whiffs of a flowery scent from him, "we should join our friends."

"Yes."

He stared at her, seemingly transfixed.

Her sneeze broke the moment.

"I'm fine," she said at his look of concern. "Fresh air sounds brilliant."

It wasn't just a sneeze. She tried to get out of bed three days later and had to grab onto her bedpost because of the dizziness. The room seemed to sway in front of her eyes. Yes, they were on a boat, but surely it shouldn't sway that much. Maybe there was a storm? She reached up, to make sure she could still feel her head; it didn't feel attached at all.

"Qing-GeGe?"

The maid's face swam into view, "ShuangXi...tell LaoFoYe I apologize for my tardiness, but I fear I do not feel well."

ShuangXi nodded and handed her a wet towel.

"Thank you," Qing-er said politely.

"GeGe!"

Qing-er winced at the loudness of her voice.

"GeGe," ShuangXi repeated in a softer tone, "your hands are so hot!"

"Are they?"

ShuangXi frowned but then daringly put her hand on Qing-er's forehead, "you have a fever. GeGe, let me help you back into bed."

"That does feel better…" Qing-er closed her eyes with a sigh.

She wasn't aware when HuTaiYi entered to check her pulse, or when LaoFoYe personally wrung the towels for her head.

"LaoFoYe, you should go rest," ZiWei murmured softly, "I'll stay."

"How can I rest when Qing-er's ill like this?"

"When she wakes, the first thing she'll do is to apologize for having worried LaoFoYe. For Qing-er's sake, please rest?"

LaoFoYe sighed, "you'll keep watch?"

ZiWei nodded, "of course."

"Anything happens, you will inform me."

"Of course," ZiWei repeated.

ZiWei looked up from her embroidery when she heard the door open, "XiaoJian."

"Am I allowed entry?"

"I think Qing-er would grant you permission."

He nodded and strode to the bed. "How is she?"

"HuTaiYi says she will be well in a matter of days."

"But she looks so…"

"He says the fever is but a sign that her body is fighting to be well."

"Why does she still sleep?"

"Apparently it's tiring work."

He nodded, "I'd like to examine her pulse myself."

"I don't think she'd mind."

He cradled her hand, still warmer than it should be, in his own before putting the tips of his fingers on her pulse. The tension in his shoulders lightened as he felt its strength.

ZiWei broke the silence, "when Dong-er was ill, ErKang had me play the guqin. In part to distract me, but also to sooth Dong-er."

He nodded in understanding and tucked Qing-er's hand back beneath the comforter.

And so, Qing-er woke to the sound of his xiao.

"FangYan?" Her voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper. She winced because even those two syllables hurt.

ZiWei was closer and helped her sit up.

"I'm not dizzy anymore," Qing-er tried to say, but winced again at the pain in her throat.

XiaoJian was at her side with a cup of water. It helped, though it did hurt to swallow.

"You should take your medicine, now that you're awake."

"My voice…" Qing-er gestured at her throat.

"Inflammation, HuTaiYi says, hence the medicine. But definitely temporary."

Qing-er nodded in understanding.

ZiWei turned towards XiaoJian, "I'll be but a moment."

He nodded, but did not take his eyes off Qing-er.

The flush of her cheeks was not all from her illness.

"You should not be here," she tried to say, but found she could only mouth the words.

"I know it's not proper," he told her, "but I do not need LaoFoYe's official proclamation to know what my heart says to be truth. I love you. As Yongqi does XiaoYanZi, as ErKang does ZiWei."

Her eyes widened at his words.

"It must be love," he continued, "for I can think of no other cause for my unreasonable worries despite all evidence that your illness, no matter the dramatic way it announced itself, is not serious."

She lowered her eyes shyly, pausing when her gaze fell on the xiao. She looked at him again and pointed at it.

"Did you like the tune?"

She nodded gingerly, her head still feeling slightly woozy.

He smiled a little, "I wrote it for you."

She tilted her head.

"After I saw you in the peach orchard. I completed it when I saw you dance in the snow.

They both turned when the door opened.

"Let me," FangYan reached and took the bowl carefully from ZiWei. He blew on the liquid gently before bringing the spoon to Qing-er's lips. She drank obediently, her eyes never leaving his.

ZiWei kept quiet and tried to make herself as unobtrusive as possible. Stil, she couldn't help the smile that stole its way to her lips. She and ErKang had speculated on their two friends' relationship; it was good to have confirmation that their suspicions were correct.

She hated to interrupt their moment, but she also knew it wasn't quite proper for XiaoJian to be present.

"LaoFoYe will be here soon."

Qing-er nodded absently, and FangYan did not pause in feeding her the next spoonful.

ZiWei felt her smile broadening. Ah, so LaoFoYe was aware of the development. She watched as LaoFoYe did no more than lift an eyebrow at XiaoJian's presence before turning to fuss at Qing-er. LaoFoYe watched with a sharp eye as Qing-er drank every last drop of the medicine. Nodding in satisfaction, she put her hand on Qing-Er's forehead.

"You're still a little warm."

"GeGe's pulse though, is strong,"

LaoFoYe acknowledged XiaoJian's words with a nod, "Yes, HuTaiYi did say it would pass in a few days. With medicine and rest," she added sternly.

Qing-er obediently made to lie down again and let LaoFoYe tuck her in.

LaoFoYe passed her hand over Qing-er's forehead again, her serious expression losing its usual severity.

XiaoJian suddenly felt foolish. Of course Qing-er would choose LaoFoYe; not just for filial reasons but out of true affection. Out of all of them, she was the only one who still had a mother figure who was alive. The connection between these two women was not something that would just disappear. And...it didn't mean she loved him any less.

He lifted his xiao to his lips again. LaoFoYe glanced up briefly but at the smile on Qing-er's lips, decided to let him be. Besides, he really was a talented musician.

In the following days, he had more chances to interact with LaoFoYe. A silent truce developed between them as they both focused on Qing-er's recovery.

"Thank you," Qing-er whispered hoarsely, when she finally began to regain her voice.

"For what?"

"For understanding."

He left her side briefly to put away the now empty medicine bowl. He wasn't surprised that she had observed the change in his attitude.

"I used to think that the palace was a frightful place where any human decency and emotion was sacrificed in pursuit of power. I marveled that you could remain so kind, so wholesome, growing up in such an environment. I should have known better than to think in such absolutes. I passed judgement prematurely."

Her smile was one of relief.

He tucked a stray hair behind her ear, "I think LaoFoYe admits to the same, though she hasn't voiced it."

At her questioning look, he held her hand in his, "she hasn't forbidden my presence, unchaperoned as it is."

She flushed and looked away, though did not pull her hand from his grasp.

He squeezed it before letting go, "I should not overstay my welcome."

She looked at him again as he stood.

"LaoFoYe has trusted me with your reputation, I will not betray it."

"Qing-er!"

She really should have been better prepared for the missile that was XiaoYanZi when she was finally allowed to leave her room.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit you sooner! But HuTaiYi cautioned that we should be careful in case Yongqi also caught your illness."

Qing-er looked alarmed, "no one told me that I was contagious."

"It wasn't a sure thing," XiaoYanZi explained, "but I didn't want to take any chances."

"A good decision," Qing-er said.

"I think she's made a permanent groove in our floorboards from all her pacing," Yongqi, finally catching up to his wife, informed Qing-er with a smile. "I'm glad to see you well, Qing-er."

"Thank goodness brother offered to check your pulse for me."

"You didn't trust HuTaiYi's recommendations?" Qing-er asked in surprise.

"I trust HuTaiYi with Yongqi's life," XiaoYanZi replied, "and brother probably just offered so that I would stop whining that I couldn't visit you."

"That's not the only reason."

Qing-er turned and smiled at XiaoJian as he came to stand next to her.

Yongqi raised an eyebrow at the lack of distance between them, causing Qing-er to blush.

"XiaoYanZi, do you still want Qing-er for your sister?"

"She's already my sister." XiaoYanZi looked confused even as her husband smirked.

"I think your brother means you may well get the chance to be a gugu in the future."

XiaoYanZi glanced at her husband and then looked back and forth between her brother and her friend.

XiaoJian raised an eyebrow, though Qing-er could see the barely suppressed twitch at the edge of his lips, "Qing-er was your first choice for me, wasn't she?"

XiaoYanZi opened her mouth, as though to speak, but no words sounded.

"That was unkind," Qing-er murmured a soft rebuke.

XiaoJian waved his hand in front of his sister's eyes, but she didn't blink. "XiaoYanZi?"

Qing-er frowned and laid a gentle hand on her friend's shoulder, "XiaoYanZi?"

"What?" XiaoYanZi jumped. "Qing-er, I think I'm going crazy, I could have sworn brother said you are going to be my sao sao (sister in law)."

"Why should such a thought make you crazy?" XiaoJian asked with genuine curiosity.

"Because…" XiaoYanZi suddenly glared at him, "it's not funny. Don't joke about something like that, and in front of Qing-er too!"

XiaoJian took a surprising step back at the intensity of her obvious disapproval.

"Your brother is not making a joke," Qing-er said soothingly, "LaoFoYe will not announce it until we return to the capital, but she's willing to let me marry you brother."

"Truly?" XiaoYanZi still seemed suspicious.

"Truly." Qing-er nodded for emphasis.

She turned towards ZiWei who had joined them with ErKang at her side.

"ZiWei! I have such news!"

ZiWei laughed, a touch breathless, as XiaoYanZi grabbed her hands and twirled in circles, "What is it?"

XiaoYanZi paused long enough to grab Qing-er's hand as well, "Brother and Qing-er! The Fang family will have descendants after all!"

Qing-er blushed in protest, "XiaoYanZi, LaoFoYe hasn't made an official announcement yet."

"Doesn't matter. I know brother. You're as good as a Fang already."

Qing-er's blush deepened as XiaoJian smiled at her, "she's not wrong, in fact, once Hu TaiYi gives his permission, I was going to take you to pay respects to my parents again."

ZiWei, seeing Qing-er's embarrassment, spoke up, "your illness proved most timely."

"Oh?" Qing-er looked up again, glad for the distraction.

"HuangAhMa saw how worried LaoFoYe was and has been more discrete regarding XiaYingYing."

XiaoYanZi nodded, "I've seen LingGuiFei more often at his side during various outings lately."

"HuangShang is a filial son," Qing-er reminded them.

"And GuiFei NiangNiang is no fool," Yongqi muttered.

XiaoYaNZi looked sideways at her husband but otherwise made no comment.

Qing-er fought the urge to sigh. For all her kindness, LingGuiFei was a woman of the palace. XiaoYaNZi, who had always had a soft spot for the woman who first care for her on her initial arrival, seemed to have learned that the concubine was not a damsel in need of rescuing.

"I'm glad things seem more peaceful now," she said instead.

"As peaceful as things can be with XiaoYanZi," ErKang commented dryly.

"Hey!" XiaoYanZi protested, her spirit returning, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"That I'm surprised we haven't yet alienated the most notable chef in the region."

XiaoYanZi rolled her eyes, "as though ZiWei would allow such a thing to happen."

"We've been learning to make some of the local delicacies that's been presented as tribute to HuangAhMa." ZiWei explained to Qing-er.

"Chef says ZiWei has an instinct for flavors and textures and that if she weren't a GeGe, he'd count himself lucky to have her as an apprentice."

ZiWei blushed modestly, "I'm just glad he's been willing to teach."

"What did chef say about you?" Qing-er asked XiaoYanZi curiously.

Yongqi answered with a laugh even as XiaoYanZi made a face, "he said he's never met anyone who's so prone to accidents."

"I didn't mean to forget the flour!"

"Or mistake salt for sugar," ErKang added. "Or vinegar for rosewater. Or…"

"Enough!" XiaoYanZi pouted.

"For someone who's so graceful with her martial and sword forms, she's a force of chaotic energy in the kitchen." Nonetheless, Yongqi wrapped an arm around his wife and looked at her fondly, "good thing she married me; we have servants enough to do the cooking."

"You wouldn't fare any better," XiaoYanZi told him.

He inclined his head, "probably not."

She made a face again, "it's no fun when you just agree."

He laughed, "I've learned how to avoid arguments with you."

When she lifted a fist, he deftly grabbed her wrist and twisted their hands together. She fought against him ineffectually before giving up and settling.

Qing-er saw ErKang and ZiWei trade one of their looks that seem to hold an entire conversation. On past similar occasions, she had felt a sense of longing at such displays of affection, but now...she flushed as she felt FangYan's fingers brush against her own with the gentlest of touches...now there was no hint of sourness to taint the sweetness.

XiaoYanZi seemed in a perpetually good mood after finding out about her brother and Qing-er. Even the sight of XiaYingYing leaving the dragon boat that housed the emperor did not bother her as much as it used to. Impulsively, she decided to approach the boat.

The guards nodded at her but also blocked her entry.

"I wish to see HaungAhMa."

"WangFei, forgive us, but HuangShang has requested a moment alone."

"He'll see me," XiaoYanZi said confidently.

The guard shook his head, "apologies, but HuangShang specifically stated no one is to see him."

XiaoYanZi frowned, "but why?"

"Nu cai does not know."

XiaoYanZi's frown deepened, but she also knew it wasn't the guard's fault. "Never mind, I'll visit another time."

"ZiWei" she said to her sworn sister, "I've realized, ever since we married, we haven't been as close to HaungAhMa."

"And your feelings regarding XiangFeiNiangNiang kept you from visiting the palace," ZiWei observed.

"Well yes...and now this matter with XiaYingYing too…"

"You're not still thinking of interfering, are you?"

"No...not after LingGuiFei specifically asked me not to. But...for all that HuangAhMa can be fickle,XiangFeiNiangNiang's death really did seem to impact him greatly. And his regret, when he faced your mother's gravestone...it could not be faked."

ZiWei sighed, "ErKang says very few people love the way we do. We're oddities who live at the mercy of such a strong emotion. HuangAhMa...HuangAhMa cannot afford to love as we do,but neither does that mean he is unfeeling."

"I know." XiaoYanZi's voice was subdued as she remembered a past conversation with Yongqi, "love is a luxury."

"But there are also other forms of love," ZiWei reminded her after a moment, "and HuangAhMa has never made secret his favor for us as his daughters."

XiaoYanZi nodded in agreement.

Qing-er watched with a smile as her friends flanked the emperor and pointed at the explosion of fireworks in the sky. She could tell that LaoFoYe also breathed a sigh of relief that the emperor no longer appeared to be moping. It was daring of her to think that the emperor could be capable of so lowly a mood, but she could think of no better way to describe the situation.

She knew from FangYan that XiaYingYing had indeed gained her freedom from the establishment that she had called home for many years. It was a matter that normally would fall to Fu Da Ren, but Qing-er supposed HuangShang wanted to be more discreet.

It amused her still that FangYan apologized yet again for having been to such an establishment. She understood the purpose of his errand. Besides, surely any jealousy on her part revealed only her own insecurity and lack of trust in him. And how she did trust him, foolishly perhaps. But not blindly. She had become too attuned to his nature not to know his flaws. She turned in his direction and smiled softly as she noticed him looking back at her. Their love was no less real for being more measured.

Her eyes met that of XiaYingYing briefly as their carriage passed by the performer singing her farewell. Her own words came to her then. What woman could refuse the emperor? HanXiang had embodied one answer and XiaYingYing another one. Qing-er blinked and the moment was gone as the carriage continued on its journey.

"When we return home," LaoFoYe said as XiaYingYing's voice faded into the distance, "I shall have to find a suitable estate for you."

"LaoFoYe?"

"FangYan's estate is well enough for a bachelor, but certainly not good enough for a GeGe."

"I have no need of too expansive a palace," Qing-er protested.

"Nonsense. The blood of the AisinQioro clan flows in your veins. Besides, these years, I've been putting aside a dowry for you. I am determined to give you the kind of wedding you deserve."

Qing-er thought briefly about protesting, but she knew it would be of no use. And from a practical perspective, she ought to let LaoFoYe have her way.

LaoFoYe patted her hand, "You just leave it all to me, Qing-er."

"Yes, LaoFoYe," she answered obediently.

Returning to CiNingGong was not as comforting as she expected it to be. It seemed she had truly outgrown her old life. She wanted to go to the mosque for a moment of quietness but found to her chagrin that no traces of the buildings remained. Only a single jujube tree stood as testament that XiangFei had existed at all.

She should have expected it. It made little sense for HuangShang to return from a trip that was meant to serve as an escape only to be reminded of his heartache.

ZhiHua proved a helpful distraction. Qing-er could tell the girl was homesick, but as the day passed, noted the similarities between the girl and LaoFoYe. ZhiHua's ambition still lacked direction and refinement, but she was learning from the best, wasn't she?

FangYan didn't like the girl.

"Her projected sweetness and naïveté is too saccharine to be genuine," he tells her.

"Playing a role is the way of life in the palace," she answered.

"I can't bring myself to pity her," he insisted.

"Only because you see it too, don't you?"

His expression didn't change, but she knew him well enough by then to know he understood her meaning.

"LaoFoYe likes ZhiHua too much to let her make such a mistake." Qing-er noted.

"You sounds very certain."

"LaoFoYe is not used to disappointment, and ZhiHua is so very malleable."

"As you were?" He couldn't help but ask.

Qing-er blinked at him, "my parents...though their marriage was arranged, they were truly fond of one another. My mother…." she sighed a little, "my mother didn't have to die."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head, "I didn't understand her choice for the longest time. As I once told you, royal children are not taught to think with their hearts."

"Qing-er…"

She paused on the path with him and smiled at him in a reassuring manner, "perhaps I was always meant to be an anomaly. XiaoYanZi and ZiWei were but the catalysts to that discovery."

She blushed at the admiring way he was looking at her, "What?"

"Your philosophies are so adaptable."

"Should they not be? Is that not the point of life experiences, to refine our understanding of the world?"

"I would do well to learn from you, and lose my arrogance in thinking people ought to conform to how I think they should be."

"No wonder you are so ill tempered after certain sessions of court."

He looked at her sharply, "I did not wish for it to be so obvious."

She smiled at him again, "XiaoYanZi tells me you are an absolute bear sometimes. I hear enough to be able to make a hypothesis as to the reason."

"Oh?"

"Though it is forbidden for the ladies of the Inner Palace to participate in matters of state, they are rather well informed of the happenings. The better to be of aid to their families, no doubt."

"Ah." He nodded in understanding.

"Although," she added, "your high expectations of others surely pales in comparison to your expectations of yourself."

It was his turn to blush, under her insightful gaze.

"You have a talent," he at last said, "for seeing through me clearly."

"Do you regret choosing me now that you know being quietly docile and obedient has been my role?"

"I am also a woman of the palace," she reminded him when he did not answer.

"I am lucky," he told her decidedly, "that I shall have an intelligent and thoughtful partner as my wife."

She smiled in relief before turning around, "we seem to have lost our chaperone."

"XiaoYanZi is easily distracted."

She laughed, "but she was the one who insisted on visiting our future new estate so as to see the progress of renovation and refurbishment."

She tilted her head when she noticed he was staring again, "FangYan?"

Her breathing quickened as he took a step closer to her. Still, she felt rooted to the spot.

"You said our." His voice was no less intense for its quietness.

"Did I?"

He nodded and she braced herself as he took yet another step closer.

She wondered if he could feel her trembling as he grasped her hand firmly in his, "there's something I want to show you. I had thought to do it after our wedding, when we do make this place our home, but...I find I am impatient after being told that it is now complete."

She let him pull her along the paths until they came to a closed gate. He let go of her hand just long enough to find the key and remove the lock.

"Are we not going in?"

"Go on, you do the honors."

She did as he bid and moved to push the doorway open.

"Wait."

She turned towards him quizzically.

"Let me cover your eyes first."

She laughed at this unexpected playful side to him but let him guide her into the courtyard.

She could feel when he pulled his hands away but still kept her eyes shut. She thought she could hear the sound of running water. And was that jasmine blossoms she smelled?

"Alright, open your eyes now."

She blinked at the fountain she saw. "Oh!"

"I remember your fascination with the architecture and managed to find the stone workers who could make a replica."

She walked around the fountain and noticed the jasmine plants that lined the walls of the intimate garden, "it's lovely!"

"I'm glad you like it. I had worried that it might remind you too much of your friend."

She had circled back to his side and grinned widely at him, "it's very thoughtful of you."

It was fitting somehow, that he should wrap an arm around her waist then to bring her closer to him.

"I'm glad," he raised his other hand to stroke her cheek.

She shivered at both his touch and his closeness, but she felt none of the fear that she had once associated with a similar scene. Was he doing it on purpose? To erase that shadow in her memories? He was too deliberate a person to do something purely on impulse.

"Qing-er…"

"Yes?" She shivered again at his closeness.

"You can tell me to stop."

"I know."

He looked into her eyes and seemed to have found the permission he was looking for.

Her eyes fluttered shut as his lips met hers.

It was a heady feeling that he attributed to the scent of the blossoms, despite knowing that he was only looking for an excuse to distract himself from how very yielding her lips were. She was completely encircled within his arms now and seemed content to remain there. He didn't want the moment to end, but steeled himself to loosen his grip on her and give her space.

"You're right," she whispered after they had both caught their breaths, "waiting until after we are married to show me this garden might have been a better idea."

He took a step away from her and clasped his hands behind his back to avoid further temptation to bring her into his arms again. "A month longer."

"Yes, just a month."

"How lightly you speak of so long a time." He hadn't meant to complain.

To his surprise, she chuckled, "You look so like XiaoYanZi, the way you're pouting."

He frowned and made to school his features.

"It's endearing," she didn't lose her smile, "speaking of XiaoYanZi, we should go find her."

After he locked the door again, he handed her the key.

"It's yours," he said in reply to her questioning look. "Well, this whole estate is yours really. It may be in my name, but I know LaoFoYe chose it for you...but, there will be moments you will wish for solitude. This is your space for the adjustment of your philosophies."

"A lock is useless when you're perfectly capable of entering over the walls."

"I would not invade your privacy so brashly." He protested.

She pocketed the key with a smile, "thank you."

"I wish to be a good husband to you," his tone was so serious.

She slipped her hand into his, "I know."

"I have no previous experience that can guide me."

"I should hope not."

"Qing-er."

She met his earnest gaze as her smile softened into a look of profound fondness, "we'll manage."

They were not afforded another opportunity to be alone again until their wedding day. LaoFoYe claimed that she wanted ZhiHua to benefit from Qing-er's guidance before she left the palace. And so, he was reduced to just longing looks when their paths did cross briefly in the palace.

ErKang patted him on the back in an understanding manner after one such occasion, "one more week."

XiaoJian sighed and nodded. He could protest that he wasn't pining like some lovesick maiden but he knew he'd be lying.

He had moved into their new estate a few days ago, but as lovely as the space was, it felt much too big. The servants might have thought it odd that he slept in the chaise in his study, but it just didn't feel right to sleep in the room meant for the two of them without her. Even then, as a week became two days, he found that sleep continued to elude him.

Or rather, he was eluding sleep. The first time he had woken from a particular dream of her, he had felt ashamed to be thinking of her in such a way, even if only subconsciously. The rational side of him argued that it was perfectly natural to feel such desires, particularly as she was to be his wife, but it felt...indecent. He wasn't ignorant of the pleasures of the flesh, despite having had no direct prior experience himself. He had always managed to ignore such desires well enough in the past, but now...he shook his head wryly...his knowledge of medicine had prepared him for the changes as he grew from boy to man; he has little knowledge on which to draw upon for the transition to being a husband.

Falling in love with her hadn't been planned, but he thought he was handling it quite well. It helped, of course, that he had three successful relationships to observe and from which to learn. And Qing-er herself held no delusions that he was but human and not truly some fairytale hero. He rather appreciated that she always called him by his real name.

Yongqi had once said that love came with a certain lack of control. XiaoJian had worried about the emotional side of things, but Qing-Er's carefulness helped temper that. She didn't expect nor seemed to want dramatic declarations of undying devotion. He would always admire her serenity; it calmed some of his restless spirit. But in his dreams, he always derived such satisfaction in ripping away her calmness to reveal her most natural instincts and reactions.

He clenched his fists and tried hard to keep his thoughts from meandering in such a direction. Closing his eyes though only made the memory of her soft lips beneath his own rise to the surface. She was right, he should have waited. Instead of affecting her, he was the one reduced to his basest state.

With a groan, he opened his eyes and rolled out of bed. Grabbing his sword, he went into the moonlit courtyard and took up a stance. Maybe if he exhausted himself sufficiently…

He went to supper at RongQinWangFu at his sister's invitation.

"Are you excited?" She was fairly bouncing in her seat as she poured the wine.

He laughed, "very."

Yongqi smiled, "It'll be a long day."

"Don't you worry," XiaoYanZi reassured her brother, "I'll make sure Qing-er has a chance to eat something. ZiWei did that for me, thank heavens, or I might not have survived."

"You did the same for SaiYa, as I recall," Yongqi turned towards her.

XiaoYanZi nodded, "it would be torture really, to go through all those rites on an empty stomach."

A thump made them look over at her brother.

"He's going to be very angry when he wakes," Yongqi told her.

"It's for his own good. I have it on good authority that he hasn't had a good night's rest all week."

"He does have rather dark circles under his eyes," he admitted.

XiaoYanZi nodded and called for servants to help move her brother into one of the guest rooms.

"There was a time I could have managed," Yongqi said to her softly as they closed the door behind them.

She pressed a kiss to his cheek, "you're already much better than when we left for our trip. I will not wish for more, to avoid being punished for being too greedy."

He slipped his arm around her waist, "When did you become so sweet?"

"I was always sweet," she said cheekily.

"Your liveliness must have been too much of a distraction for me to notice."

She snorted, "come on, we should let brother rest. The day will be long for him as well."

"But the end result will be worth all the fatigue."

She fell quiet as he turned her in his arms.

"XiaoYanZi…"

She accepted his kiss readily, understanding the things he wished to convey without words.

"May your brother treasure his good fortune as I do mine."

XiaoJian woke up with a frown; he was definitely not at home. Sitting up quickly, he glanced around the room. Nope, definitely not at home.

His sister made an appearance then, a basin of water in her hands, "Good, you're up! It's your wedding day after all!"

"You drugged me," he accused her incredulously.

"Yes, I did," she didn't seem apologetic at all.

He continued to frown at her even as she handed him the moist towel, "I'm having a bath drawn up for you. Wouldn't do to smell on your auspicious day."

"You drugged me," he repeated.

"Yes," she reaffirmed her previous answer, "you looked like you needed the rest."

"I…"

"It's natural, you know, to have wedding jitters. Heaven knows I did."

"What?"

She just grinned at him while taking the towel from him, "not everything is going to be perfect. Even with two such sensible people as you and Qing-er, marriage is work. But as long as you remember your affection and respect for each other, you'll manage."

"When did you become so wise?"

"I wish everyone would stop underestimating me," XiaoYanZi grumbled good-naturedly.

He smiled, "thank you, meimei."

XiaoYanZi nodded at him, "ZiWei once said you were self-sufficient, it was her way of saying selfish really. She didn't mean it as an insult, not really...I too had only myself to consider for a long time. But for Yongqi...he is worth all the adjustments and changes."

"As is Qing-er," he murmured.

XiaoYanZi nodded even as she picked up the basin again, "she's far more clever than I am, but even she can't read your mind all the time. Talk to her. Don't forget, the two of you are in it together."

He was grateful for her counsel, even so…"don't think I'll forgive you so easily for drugging me," he called out at her departing figure.

She turned and just laughed at him before leaving.

He arrived home in time to see ribbons of red being put up with his sister orchestrating at the center of it all.

"What…"

"It's a festive occasion," she told him cheerfully, "which calls for festive decorations."

"I had already planned…"

"I know," she interrupted, "but the day will be busy enough for you without having to worry about such little things. So I've come to help."

"I thought you'd be with Qing-er."

"I will be," XiaoYanZi told him, "once I make sure everything is set here."

"I'm perfectly capable of…"

"I know," she interrupted again, "but I'm much too excited to be able to regulate myself properly in the palace. LaoFoYe would like CiNingGong to remain standing, I think."

She glanced up, "Wait, that bow is crooked!" She rushed away to correct the servants.

XiaoJian looked around at the controlled chaos around him...heavens, it was really happening. He considered seeking solace in his study, but found his feet drawn in another direction. The bridal chamber, like the rest of the estate, was decked out in red. He pushed open the door somewhat nervously, fearful that his sister had gone overboard. Red was such a garish color when used in excess. He breathed a sigh of relief that things looked quite tasteful.

Later that day, he would feel foolish that he had worried at all. Seeing Qing-er sitting there, on their bed, he had little attention for anything else in the room.

He had done his best to be a gracious host as his guests had begun arriving earlier that day. Some of the haughtier officials raised eyebrows at rubbing shoulders with his commoner associates, but XiaoJian didn't care. Besides, it wasn't as if the court wasn't aware of his past life. He had responded politely to the insincere congratulations from those he knew only to be doing lip-service in light of the obvious show of favor. He knew not to offend some of them. He actually found it helpful that he had so many people to greet, it kept his mind off of what was to come.

When the eunuch from the palace announced that the auspicious hour had arrived, he found himself frozen for a brief moment. ErKang's cough brought him back to reality.

He felt as though he was in a dream as they paraded through the city and kept glancing behind him at the carriage that held his bride.

"I've never seen you smile so much and so openly," ErKang remarked at his side.

XiaoJian turned to his friend, "Am I?"

ErKang chuckled, "If anyone had thought this match was only for political gain, they have but to look at you to know that they're wrong."

"It's dangerous to show such weakness so openly."

ErKang shrugged, "it cannot be helped."

"I am grateful that your parents were willing to act as stand-in's for the ceremony."

ErKang smiled, "E Niang was ecstatic that you asked. She'd have offered to adopt you if you weren't so self-sufficient."

XiaoJian nodded and, to ErKang's amusement, glanced at the carriage behind them again. Ah, ErKang thought to himself, he probably did the same when he and ZiWei married.

The formal bows were exchanged, the rituals were completed, their outer garments discarded and carefully stored, and still, XiaoJian found he couldn't stop staring at her.

She glanced up at him shyly before lowering her gaze demurely as the giggling maids emptied from the room.

"Qing-er…"

"Yes?" at the touch of his hand on her chin, she looked up again. "Oh!"

She couldn't help the gasp that escaped her as his lips met hers again. The kiss started gently but quickly grew more insistent. She had noticed his restraint that day in the garden, the undercurrent of desire that he had done his best to regulate. As her back landed on the bed, as his weight settled on her, she reached out and grabbed onto him for anchor. Her movement seemed to bring him to his senses and he tried to lean back, but she pulled him forward until their lips touched again.

XiaoYanZi had told her frankly that it was alright to forget about being a 大家閨秀 in the privacy of the marriage bed. ZiWei had turned crimson but also offered her agreement. SaiYa had snorted and told her to do as she wished, social conventions be damned.

As her breath mingled with his, as his scent surrounded her, Qin-er was glad of their counsel. In her world, such an act served a practical purpose, whether for procreation or as yet another tool to capture the emperor's favor. But here, now, with him...she understood then what HanXiang had only ever implied. Such an act with the one you love is surely different than with someone with whom it was but a duty.

"Tell me to slow down," he pleaded with her as his lips trailed down her neck.

"Do you really want me to?"

He parted from her briefly, "Qing-er…"

"FangYan," she acknowledged his worries but refused to cower from the rising sense of want within herself.

"I do not wish to frighten you."

"You're not."

Despite the heavy breaths she took, her gaze remained so steady.

He felt the temptation to break her free of her calmness rise. "If you do not say it now, I fear…"

She saw the desperation in his eyes, though she wasn't certain whether it was for her to check him or for her to give him permission to let go of all restraint.

Her voice was silenced at such a look. Well, no matter, he had always been a man of action, she would take a page out of his book. She felt him shudder as she pressed her lips to his, felt the trembling of his hands give way to fevered fumbling as he made to reveal her to his gaze.

"So beautiful…" he murmured, his lips laying claim to her skin as the final layer of shirt was stripped from her shoulders.

"FangYan…" she meant to utter his name, but found that the words were lost in a sound she had never thought herself capable of making. She felt herself rising, arching into his touch as his hand passed over the front of her dudou. Her eyes opened then, only to gasp anew at seeing the fire burning in his. A shiver went down her spine and she felt her stomach clench...but it wasn't in fear.

"Qing-er…"

She whimpered as she felt the ties around her neck loosen. With a quick jerk of his wrist, she was bare beneath him. His hands cupped her, his fingers rubbing at the top of her mounds. And then, still holding her gaze, he lowered his lips and…

"Oh!" She didn't know whether to grab onto the sheets or onto his neck.

He made the decision for her when he grasped her wrists in his firm grip and rose to hover over her. She shuddered again at the glimpse she caught of his expression before he laid claim to her lips again.

How vulnerable she felt, her arms trapped over her head, her legs parting as he slotted a leg between them.

"Qing-er…"

"Don't stop," she managed to whisper against his lips.

He chuckled darkly. Stopping was the last thing on his mind. He let go of one of her wrists and reached down to tease at the edge of her trousers. She squirmed beneath him and he groaned at the unexpected friction her thoughtless action created.

"You undo me," he told her even as he let his hand dip beneath her waistband.

She bit her lip at the feeling of him touching her in such an intimate place.

"Look at me."

She opened eyes and again felt trapped by his gaze. She couldn't help the sounds he wrung out of her as his fingers stroked against her slickness, couldn't help the way her hips tilted towards his touch, couldn't tell if she was even breathing when his slid one and then two fingers inside. It was such a foreign feeling, an invasion of her most private part, but he gave her little opportunity to think on it as his thumb rubbed against something that caused her to see stars.

"Please...please…"

He wondered if she was even aware that she was begging. The wild, uninhibited look in her eyes went straight to his shaft. But he was not satisfied, not yet, not until she shattered beneath him. He redoubled his efforts and watched as she squeezed her eyes closed with a whimper. He lamented the loss of eye contact, but as he felt her body spasm with increasing frequency, couldn't truly be upset.

"Qing-er, my own, my love," he whispered hoarsely into her ear.

She stilled for a minuscule of a second before her moan reached a crescendo and she gave in to the wave of pleasure rushing over her senses.

He traced lazy circles around her hip as the aftershocks wore off.

Her eyes opened and there was such a light of enlightenment in them.

He smiled at her and, despite her flushed cheeks, she managed to smile back.

She was too sated to protest as he removed the final article of clothing from her body, could only watch with half lidded eyes as he undressed himself with almost alarming efficiency.

She caught glimpses of various scars that piqued her curiosity before he returned to hover over her.

"I want you, so very badly," he declared.

She whimpered as she felt another sort of invasion begin.

He moaned her name at the feel of her warm wetness around the tip of himself.

"I don't think I can manage to wait any longer," he warned her even as he grasped her legs to wrap them around his waist.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, "Then don't."

Her brief moment of composure was soon lost again as he pressed inward.

"Qing-er, breathe."

She opened her eyes at such familiar sounding words.

He also seemed to recognize them as he whispered, "One, two...one, two…"

She let the tempo of his voice lull her into a state of relaxation and felt the pain receding. The resistance lessened, he continued to push onward until he was completely seated within her.

"FangYan, breath."

It was his turn to open his eyes and heed her advice.

She made a sound of protest as he began to withdraw from her.

"Have no fear, I am only beginning." He held her gaze and moved as slowly as he could, the better to allow her body to adjust to the motion. How foolish he had been, to feel guilty about wanting her. She was a maiden, yes, but not as sheltered as he had assumed, did she not tell him herself? He should have known better, should have known that a similar fire would also burn in her. She truly was his match, her quiet certainty a mirror image of his own deliberate nature.

His subconscious mind had known, had conjured those dreams because it had recognized a kindred spirit beneath her calm and collected exterior. And now, that knowledge was manifested in the pressure of her heels on his back as she wordlessly asked him to quicken his pace, a request he was all too willing to fulfill.

He wasn't going to last long, not with his dreams becoming reality like this, not with the way she met each thrust with a tilt of her own hips, not with the sheen of sweat that coated her body beneath his. The sounds of their moans intermixed with the sound of flesh against flesh drove him closer and closer until he couldn't hold back any longer and could only spill into her with her name on his lips.

He had a shred of thought left, just enough to collapse to the side so as not to crush her.

He felt her turn onto her side, felt her fingertips glide over his features. He mustered enough strength to kiss them when they passed over his lips.

"You're certain you have no prior experience as a husband?"

"Absolutely certain." He turned his head to look at her.

"Then you must have given much thought to tonight."

"Yes," he couldn't lie to her.

Sh nodded as her hand wandered to his torso and outlined his musculature. "All those trips to the brothels were not wasted."

It took him a moment to realize she was teasing. "Qing-er…"

She smiled at him, "did you know that in the palace, there are rules that the concubines must follow even regarding these acts?"

"Are there?"

She nodded, her hands seeking out and lingering at the imperfections that marred his skin, "particularly regarding the first time."

"Good thing I'm not HuangShang then."

At his words, she looked up from her exploration of his torso.

"I want no constraints on our conduct in our private moments," he told her.

She nodded agreeably before turning back to her examination.

"Tell me about your scars."

"I don't remember how some of them came to be."

"A shame," she murmured.

Her touch was soothing and he began to feel the tendrils of sleep catching at the edges of his consciousness.

He felt a shift before her lips met his gently. "Rest."

He nodded obediently even as his hand found hers and intertwined their fingers.

Qing-er watched as he stilled and his breathing evened out. XiaoYanZi had confessed to drugging him so that he would have some rest for this day. Qing-er had felt fond exasperation at his unwillingness to ask for help. But it was different now; she would be sure to remind him that as his wife, her role was to care for him and ensure his comforts. She was good at taking care of others; he may be the stronger one, but she would have to protect him against himself.

As best she could, she reached with her free hand for the bed covers. Cuddling into his warmth, she closed her eyes. It had been a rather long day.

She woke to the feeling of his lips on the inner aspect of her ankle. Blinking the drowsiness from her eyes, she noticed that the red candles still cast a soft glow.

He must have noticed her stirring because he paused just as his lips reached her knees and shifted closer to her head.

"Hello, wife."

"Hello, husband."

He couldn't hold his serious expression for long at such an appellation.

Laying a soft kiss against her lips, he said softly, "I hope you do not mind that I took the liberty of cleaning the mess I made."

"Mess?" she blinked before realizing that the stickiness she had expected to feel between her legs was not present. "Oh."

How becoming the blush on her cheeks was.

"Someone had helpfully ensured that there was a towel and a basin of water available."

"Ah." She fidgeted a little in further embarrassment.

"Are you well?"

She raised her eyes to his, "yes. Why shouldn't I be?"

"Just…" he cleared his throat, "just wanted to be sure."

Her expression relaxed again as she reached up to cup his cheek, "I am well."

He pressed a kiss into her palm, "good."

"What were you doing before I woke?" she asked curiously.

It was his turn to blush, "I...your skin is so soft, I couldn't resist…and, before, I was so impatient to claim you that I didn't give myself proper time to touch and feel."

"Oh."

"Should I have been more delicate in my wording?"

She shook her head. She, who had learned to talk around things and allude to things in hints and implications, had always admired his frankness. She wished to tell him that his words had caused her to become acquainted with the feeling of desire again. "And now that I am very much yours?" she asked instead.

He stared at her and fought a shudder at her question. Yes, she was very much his now, wasn't she?

He scooted down and pressed his lips to the hollows behind her knees. His hands caressed her skin languidly, from the tips of her toes up the contours of her calves and then down again.

She giggled when his hand brushed along the bottom of her feet and he looked up in delight at the sound.

"Where else are you ticklish, I wonder."

Her eyes widened when he abandoned his previous examination of her legs to straddle her waist. Reaching for the inside of her wrists, he shook his head, "hmm, not here."

He then moved his hands up the length of her arms, pausing when she let out another giggle as he touched the inside of her forearm, just before it became her elbow. "Ah, another spot!"

Her eyes sparkled at the dichotomy of the silliness of his actions and the meticulousness with which he was cataloging her reactions.

She giggled again when he tickled the side of her neck, just beneath her ear.

"Interesting, the left side is more sensitive it seems."

Her breath hitched when his hands ran down the side of her torso. The sly look he gave her told her that he had noticed the hardening of her nipples in response. Still, he refocused on his task.

She squirmed as his hands passed along the sides of her waist but did not giggle until he moved closer to her navel.

"A classic spot," he told her even as his hands moved laterally to just the underside of her breasts.

"Here?" her breathing quickened but he shook his head, "no."

His hands then moved upwards to caress the skin over her sternum. "Hmm..."

His hands traveled to her shoulders and then he braced himself in position as he laid a kiss to the tip of her nose, "not here either."

"Nor here," he whispered as he kissed her cheeks and her chin.

"Here was a spot," he murmured as he pressed a kiss to the left side of her neck.

Instead of giggling, she gave a little moan.

"Did you know that the spots where you are ticklish can also be the most erogenous spots?" he commented before kissing her left earlobe and then drawing it between his teeth.

"No, I didn't," she responded shakily.

"It's the sensitivity," he informed her as he returned to that spot on her neck.

"FangYan…"

He drew away from her, "you're right, I haven't completed my survey. There's still your back to explore. If you'll turn over for me?"

She stared at him, feeling too shaky to obey.

"Will you?"

Somehow, she managed.

He drew her hair to the side first before running a finger down the entirety of her spine. She trembled anew at the sensation.

His hands traced curves over her back. She thought they were random strokes at first before realizing he was writing her name.

"No ticklish spots so far," he informed her solemnly.

She nodded into the sheets to indicate that she had heard him. She chewed on her lower lip as she felt his hands glide lower over the curve of her bottom.

"Oh!" The junction of where it met her legs was unexpectedly ticklish.

"Is that the last of them?"

Her breathing grew shallow as his hands moved inward and nudged her thighs apart slightly.

"Yes, I do believe that was the last spot," he noted as his hands traveled up and down her inner thighs.

"FangYan…"

"Yes?"

She raised her head slightly to look at him, "I…"

Her head dropped and her eyes closed as his touch began an upward climb again.

"Not ticklish here, but still sensitive, I believe."

She shivered in response.

"I fear I shall make a mess again," he murmured into her skin as he pressed a kiss into the hollow of her back. "But...you don't seem to mind...and I will be sure to clean up this time as well."

He gave her a small reprieve as his hands left her skin. "Qing-er…"

She glanced back again at the feel of his hands on her hips.

"Lift up for me?" He wondered if he was asking too much of her when she hesitated.

She didn't know what he intended, but she did want to find out.

"Thank you," his hands guided her further into position.

It was not exactly uncomfortable, but she did feel her cheeks flush at the feeling of being on display.

"You are the very embodiment of temptation," he murmured as he massaged her slickness again.

It may have been strange and foreign, but it still felt so very good as he continued his ministrations.

She was very aware when his hardness replaced his fingers. She braced herself for the pain she had felt earlier that night, but though there was a feeling of stretching and soreness, the pain did not make a reappearance. Instead, she felt even fuller than she had the first time he had claimed her.

She was scared to move at first, as he settled into a rhythm, but the sounds she heard him make reminded her of his intention to ignore all constraints in their coupling. And so, she tentatively rocked back against him and bit out a cry at the depth of his penetration.

"Heavens, Qing-er…" he also seemed at a loss for words and instead reached around to caress the treasure he had found earlier.

She gasped his name in response and rocked against him again reflexively. It took a moment to get back into sync, as his fingers danced over that spot and his shaft filled her over and over, but they managed. And she felt the pleasure she had known just once before begin to build again.

"FangYan...I…" she could feel that explosive sensation overtake her and was powerless to stop it.

He groaned deeply as her inner walls clenched around him. A few more pumps and he was joining her in her fall.

He felt himself slide out as her hips collapsed onto the bed. He mustered enough strength to lie next to her and caress her cheek, "Qing-er?"

Her eyes opened, "In how many ways do you plan to claim me?"

He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, "as many ways as you'll let me."

"Oh."

He couldn't help but draw her into his arms, tucking her head beneath his chin, "you can claim me in return."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"I...I don't know how."

"I will show you."

They lay in companionable silence before she asked again, "you're certain you have never…"

"Not before tonight, no."

"But…"

"You can't know how much I've thought about it."

"At the price of not sleeping?"

"If my sister knew the true reason, she might not have been so kind as to force rest upon me."

"XiaoYanZi told me it was ok to want, even to initiate such encounters."

"And that is more than I ever wanted to know about my sister and her husband."

QIng-er chuckled at his response.

"Even if she's not wrong," he added.

She shifted so that she could look up at him, "I'm not as forward as she is."

"You're under no obligation."

She nodded but said, "I think...I think I'm beginning to see that I might wish to follow her advice."

He kissed her again, less chastely this time. "What have I done to deserve you?"

"It's not a matter of deserving," she answered.

He sighed contentedly as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

With time, she did become more comfortable with such private matters. It wasn't lost on her that her growing confidence in the bedroom paralleled her growth as mistress of her own estate. It was exhilarating really, to be the one making decisions rather than having them be made for her. It afforded a freedom she hadn't realized she wanted.

"Jiejie seems content," ZhiHua had observed quietly as they strolled through the gardens.

"And you seem to have adapted quite well."

ZhiHua smiled a little sadly, "LaoFoYe still looks for you, sometimes."

"We spent many years together," Qing-er meant to offer reassurance.

"Jiejie is kind to have invited me for a visit." ZhiHua said by way of acknowledgement.

"XiaoYanZi has reminded me that for someone who didn't grow up in the palace, it can be stifling at times."

"RongQinWangFei is very considerate."

The politeness that colored ZhiHua's comment, particularly as compared with her previous words, was not lost on Qing-er. She wondered how best to help the younger girl move past her infatuation.

"Do you still dance?"

"Jiejie?"

"I know your particular talent is in drawing, but your dancing truly was beautiful as well."

ZhiHua shook her head, "there has been little opportunity."

"Would you like to?"

"Jiejie?"

Qing-er shrugged, "it seemed to be something in which you found enjoyment."

"I did, I mean, I do."

"Then you should continue." Qing-er smiled at her dumbfounded expression. ZhiHua had no doubt learned many things because they were expected of her, it was surely a novelty to consider whether or not she actually found enjoyment in her talents.

"In fact," Qing-er added, "you could teach me some steps."

"Jiejie?"

"A dear friend had once taught me some Uyghur dances, it'd be nice to add more traditional ones to my repertoire."

"But I do not have the proper clothes."

"We're about the same size. As long as meimei is willing, it's a small matter."

"If Jiejie is certain it wouldn't be an imposition."

"Of course not."

Qing-er quickly made the arrangement and was gratified to see ZhiHua smile more genuinely as they moved through the steps.

"It may be too late for me to pick up the hobby," Qing-er lamented as she stumbled.

"Jiejie has a natural feel for rhythm," ZhiHua protested.

"But I have not the flexibility of someone who has been practicing since young." She noted as ZhiHua leaned backwards in a way that surely would have caused Qing-er to fall.

ZhiHua righted herself again, "it's invigorating. I had forgotten."

Qing-er smiled.

"Would you ladies care for some accompaniment for your dance?"

ZhiHua startled before seeming to shrink in on herself again as she dipped a greeting.

"If you would be so kind," Qing-er told her husband.

He nodded and brought his xiao to his lips.

ZhiHua looked reluctant at first, but Qing-er managed to coax her to listen to the music rather than pay attention to the musician. She may have also purposefully been clumsier with her movements so that ZhiHua was forced to help correct her. As she intended, ZhiHua soon forgot about the audience and just let the motions of the dance carry her.

ZhiHua blinked at the sound of applause as she stilled again.

"As beautiful as I remember," Qing-er told her.

ZhiHua flushed, "Jiejie is too kind."

"And thank you for your services," Qing-er told her husband.

He nodded at her and inclined his head at ZhiHua before continuing on his way to his study.

"EFu is a man of few words."

Qing-er turned back towards her companion, "he can be a good orator, when he wishes to make a point."

"But Jiejie is happy?"

"Yes, yes I am."

"He does not behave as a man in love."

"And what would you know of such matters?" Qing-er made sure that there was no hint of condescension in her voice.

"I…" ZhiHua looked at her hands.

"He is a rather private person; we both are. We have no need to put on a display for all to see."

"Oh."

Knowing what LaoFoYe intended, Qing-er felt obliged to offer counsel. "ZhiHua, what you see in the palace, the way some of the consorts do flaunt the favor they receive...it is but a game."

"Is it?" ZhiHua's gaze held such confusion.

"I do not call it that to make light of it," Qing-er explained, "such competition is a way of life and has its mirror image in the Outer Court. Those of us so connected to the emperor can never escape it."

"But jiejie seems so at peace."

"I have been fortunate," Qing-er admitted, "to have my own happiness to bolster me."

"Happiness is so elusive, so intangible, so fleeting."

Qing-er sighed. ZhiHua surely did not realize that her tone made it clear that she was reciting only what she had been taught to think. "It is within our power to decide what brings us happiness."

"Like dancing?"

"Yes."

ZhiHua looked thoughtful.

"Come, ZiWei sent over a basket of chrysanthemum sweets that I think you would enjoy."

Later, Qing-er went to find her husband. She stood in the doorway, just watching his concentration as he worked on a report. He was so very focused that she was almost sorry to interrupt him.

"FangYan."

When he didn't respond to her voice, she walked closer to his desk.

"Husband?"

He did pause then, "wife."

Hmmm, ZhiHua may be right, outwardly, he gave little sign of his regard. Still, she was practiced at reading him and saw the slight uplift of his lips.

She reached across and gently plucked the brush from his hand, "supper."

He blinked at her, "already? I thought you were entertaining your guest."

"That was hours ago. You must be working on a matter of great import."

He sighed, "I fear war will soon be upon us."

She froze a moment before putting the brush in its proper holder, "with Burma?"

He nodded. "HuangShang thought of sending ErKang."

"Will he?"

FangYan shook his head, "ErKang does not have the field experience needed. And after past disasters…"

"ZiWei will be glad of it."

"Yonghuan has been ordered to YunNan, to help train new recruits."

"But not necessarily see battle."

He shook his head again, "nothing is certain in the chaos of war."

"I will go with ZiWei to visit YeYing. She's had a rough time of it, with her current pregnancy. But she is born of a military family and such partings are not new for her."

He nodded. "Of all the young ladies she's met, XiaoYanZi had declared her the most tolerable."

She reached for his hand, "you also worry for your family."

"They are healers, not warriors."

"They are far enough from the border," she said soothingly.

"I know...and yet…"

She squeezed his hand in a show of support, "for now though, supper?"

He knew she wasn't being dismissive of his concerns but was only trying to divert his attention. And so he let her lead the way.

"And which lucky princeling has LaoFoYe chosen for ZhiHua?"

It had become their custom to take a walk together after supper. The length of it varied, depending on his responsibilities, but it provided an opportunity for them to spend time together to share their thoughts.

"None of them."

He glanced at her curiously, "I thought she told the Chen's that she would find ZhiHua a good match."

"Their definition of good differs from what you would instinctively think."

He raised an eyebrow, surely she didn't mean…

"ZhiHua is also starting to understand." She couldn't help but feel sad.

"Is it LaoFoYe's idea or her parents'?"

"Her father encouraged her infatuation, when Yongqi had seemed so likely to become taizi. But now…"

"Why bet on a future over which you have no control when you have a clear path to the current king."

She nodded, "and who knows, maybe they may even gain influence over the future taizi, particularly if…"

She did not need to complete her sentence before his brows furrowed in disapproval. "And LaoFoYe?"

"Has always found it useful to have someone she trusts near HuangShang."

"I thought she and HuangShang are close."

"They are."

His frown deepened, "then why…"

She sighed, "trust is never simple."

"Then that's not truly trust," he observed.

She did not disagree. "If HuangShang trusted General MingRui so much, why would he still send YongHuan?"

"To…" he fell silent even as he shook his head.

Qing-er acknowledged his understanding, "YongHuan is not an Ah Ge, but he is still the son of a prince."

"General MingRui is a man of honor. He has done well these years caring for Yun-Nan as its governor."

"Honor is not always enough."

He sighed after another moment, "our marriage has opened doors that were previously shut to me."

She slipped her hand into his.

They walked in silence until he plucked a fluttering leaf from the air. "Winter will be upon us again, soon enough."

"For now though, the colors of the trees are a sight to behold."

He twisted the stem between his fingers before letting it complete its journey to the ground, "a man's word should be enough."

"Yours is. That is the reputation you have earned for yourself. And," she turned to grasp his other hand, "some trusts are true and simple."

As she intended, the furrow between his brows smoothed, "Yes."

The trees had lost all their leaves when she informed him, "ZiWei is with child again."

"Ah, I must congratulate ErKang."

"XiaoYanZi will finally fulfill her dream of having a full compass within the family."

"Good thing Nan-er is a name that can suit either gender." He agreed.

She chuckled, "and she accepted that little Bing-er's eventual title is close enough to bei to count."

He smiled at remembering the argument between XiaoYanZi and SaiYa about the naming of the child. It was a rather...loud...affair. "She'll have an easier time convincing ZiWei."

"But not necessarily ErKang," she reminded him.

"Is it wrong to feel great relief that we will retain the freedom to name our children?"

"Unless she decides she wants a middle too."

He clasped his hand over her mouth, "shhhhh, don't give her ideas!"

She laughed at the look of alarm on his face. "As her older brother, you could always refuse."

He dropped his hand ruefully, "she takes credit for our marriage you know; she'll say we owe it to her."

"I suppose we could let her and LaoFoYe fight over the privilege."

"Oh heavens...I don't suppose we can have triplets?"

"Triplets?"

"Or at least twins?"

"What?"

"So we can ensure the capital's survival."

Qing-er shook her head, "not something that can be guaranteed, I'm afraid."

"Alas," he sighed.

Her giggles at his expression were suddenly cut short when he lifted her into his arms, "FangYan! What are you doing?"

"Well, since it seems necessary for us to have at least three children just so we have a chance to name one, we should waste no time on getting started."

She flushed at his words, "FangYan…"

He kissed her lightly, "unless fu-ren has objections?"

She ducked her head in embarrassment but shook her head minutely.

"Well then…" he kissed her again before striding purposefully towards their chambers.

When he paused unexpectedly, she lifted her head to see him smiling down at her.

"It's snowing."

She reached out a hand and felt as the snowflake melted on her finger, "so it is."

His smile widened and he spun them in circles to the sound of her laughter before he resumed his steps.

He dismissed all the servants with a look and set her down on her feet gently.

When he just stared at her, she said his name in confusion even as she brushed the few snowflakes from his shoulders.

"The first time I met you, it was snowing," he told her.

He untied her cloak and placed it tidily on the hanger with his own cloak before returning to her side.

"When I saw you throwing those snowballs, I thought you to be a good friend for my sister." He removed their outer clothing and carefully left them on the appropriately hanging posts.

"The first time I spoke with you, alone, was after you had acknowledged the first snowflakes as they fell after XiaoYanZi departed ShuFangZhai." He carefully removed her shoes and stockings, still seemingly in no rush, before placing his own neatly next to hers.

"But it started in earnest, I think, with the snow storm of peach blossoms." He carefully removed the various ornaments until her hair swung free.

"The realization came later, when I saw you dancing with the falling snow."

His hands sought out hers, "it seems appropriate that I should commemorate this first snow with you, here and now."

"FangYan…"

His voice remained soft as he gazed at her with eyes full of tenderness, "and I find that I want to see you introduce the snow to a child...to our child…I know we have not been married for long, and I know a child will come in his or her own time, but I do so want to go on this next adventure with you."

He was not a man who believed in waste. Whether it be riches or words. All that he had just shared with her...Qing-er lifted herself onto her tiptoes and joined their lips together.

"At least three?"

"I said it in jest."

She kissed him again, prompting him to lift her up once more and settle her on their bed.

Parting from her briefly to pull the curtains to keep out the chill, he returned and held her hands again, "The exact number matters not."

"Even if we are blessed with only one child, I am comforted that he or she will have enough cousins so that he or she will never know loneliness."

He nodded before drawing her into his arms again.

It was different somehow, knowing that they intended to create a child together. Before, she knew it could happen, but there had been so much to learn about each other, so much to express through touch alone that it was an afterthought, a mere flicker of a possibility. Now though...now it was something she wanted as well; the thought of creating a family with him filled her with a new sort of longing. Even as his hands and lips passed over her skin in familiar paths, she shuddered for reasons other than the mere physical connection.

She had grown well acquainted with the feeling of him inside her, had learned the different levels of pleasure she could feel with various positions and movements, but as she wrapped her limbs around him, it all felt almost brand new.

"Qing-er…" the softness of his voice told her he felt it too.

"I do love you so," she told him, knowing no better words to encompass her thoughts.

His breathing stuttered a little, but he held steady to his rhythm.

She traced her fingers over his features, smiling when he kissed her fingertips. Steady and strong, that's the man she married... the man who was to become the father of her children. She whimpered at the sudden flash of arousal such a thought produced. He answered her with a moan of his own as her muscles involuntarily spasmed.

"I understand now," she told him breathlessly as she felt the precipice approach, "understand HanXiang's pain, XiaoYanZi's resolve, and ZiWei's conflict. I understand how XiaYuHe could have waited her whole life and how Yongqi could have thought to give up becoming taizi."

She whimpered again at the way he was looking at her, as though he could see into her very soul, "If you asked me to choose now, I would choose you."

"Qing-er…" he let her words wash over him. She had entered his life, as softly and as unobtrusively as an overnight snowfall, and had gradually become the most important person in his world. He could feel her arms tightening around him as her body arched up closer to his. What could he do but join her in her fall?

He pressed a kiss to her lips softly as their breathing returned to a semblance of normalcy, "I would not ask you to."

"What?"

His arms snaked around her and pulled her towards himself in a spooning position. He kissed the left side of her neck, drawing a slight shudder, and explained, "It would bring you such pain, to tear you away from your roots. You could not truly be happy with the weight of the betrayal you would feel. Your happiness means more to me; you mean more to me…"

"It's much easier, more practical, for me to set down new roots...it's the first step for an acorn to become an oak tree, is it not?"

She was reminded of something XiaoYanZi had said...how was it possible to love someone this much? She intertwined her fingers with his, "I'm glad LaoFoYe's initial intentions for me never came to fruition."

His hands tightened a moment in response, causing her to smile at such a show of possessiveness.

"I'm glad I met ZiWei and XiaoYanZi, glad they invited me to watch the fireworks with them that night, glad I got to see even then the special bond amongst them."

She had seen and understood more than she wanted to admit that night. And since then, she had come to terms with the different ways of seeing the world, had incorporated them to shape her own world. "Royal children are not taught to listen to their hearts, even for friendship. Each choice is fraught with considerations as to the weight of someone's worth. I had grown used to it but had not realized that it did not altogether suit me until I was welcomed so easily into their sisterhood. In learning about their ways and philosophies, I found myself changing, growing more certain of myself, of my own beliefs and values."

She wanted to explain to him, what she had come to understand. "Had we met sooner...I would not have been ready."

"Qing-er…" he nuzzled her neck.

"Hmmm?"

"Wife…"

Such a simple word, one that she had once thought would be yet another duty, but it encompassed so much now, with him, didn't it? She felt him stirring again and moved purposefully against him to facilitate the process. "Yes, husband?"

She didn't need his words to know that he too felt the weight of such a title. The feel of his breath against her ear, of the very solid and dependable strength of him against her back...they were enough. She shifted so that she could coat his length in her wetness. Reaching back, her hand met his as together they guided him into place.

"Qing-er…"

She smiled as they settled into a steady rhythm, "I'm here."

"Yes…"

She felt as his hand reached over her to press against her most sensitive spot and shuddered at the contact. She wiggled but his touch held her firmly against him. It was almost too much...and yet...she could not help but press back against him so that he drove in even deeper. She could feel the waves of pleasure threatening to break upon her again, but she was determined that he would join her at the peak as well. And so, she gathered her strength and reached for his hand. She felt as his moans reverberated through his torso when she slipped his fingers between her lips and tasted their union. And when she sucked on those digits…

"Qing-er…" his hold on her tightened.

She hummed around his fingers, drawing more shudders from him.

"So close…"

She did her best to match his relentlessness but could not altogether deny that she was also losing control of her faculties. His fingers slipped from her lips but he did not seem to mind as they trembled against each other.

When she shivered for reasons other than the rush of pleasure still fading from her body, he drew the comforter, which had fallen into disarray, over them both.

Sighing contentedly, she snuggled into his warmth. The sensation of his lips against her neck was her last conscious feeling before sleep claimed her.

It took another two weeks for the snow to stay.

She woke sometime during the night to the sound of his xiao. Blinking the sleep from her eyes, she pulled on her cloak and opened the door to see him sitting on the railing outside their door, his eyes on the full moon overhead.

She admired his profile for a moment before returning indoors to pile on more layers.

"Are you not cold?"

He put aside his instrument and took the second hand warmer from her, "Not anymore."

She returned his smile and sat next to him. "It is beautiful."

"To what do you refer? The moon? The snow? The music?"

"Yes," she answered.

His smile likewise broadened before he quoted a line of poetry and looked at her expectantly.

She fought a laugh at his intentions even as she replied in kind.

They passed the remainder of the night thusly. She sighed contentedly as the first rays of light stole over the horizon. Her head rested on his shoulder but she did not feel any fatigue.

"I wonder if XiaoYanZi will wish to organize another snowball fight."

"It was rather fun."

"I will suggest it to her," she told him.

He chuckled, "It'll likely prove even livelier, with SaiYa's competitiveness."

"You say it as though you are not equally fond of winning."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, "fu ren knows me well."

It was too cloudy a day for the sun to fully make an appearance, still, she felt none of the gloom.

"Qing-er."

"Hmmm?"

"Will you dance for me?"

"I'm not very good at it."

"Please?"

She straightened to meet his imploring gaze. "Alright."

It felt awkward at first but the soft tune of his xiao soon helped unstiffen her limbs.

He watched as she became more immersed in the music. Her movements showed her lack of proper training, but she was just as beautiful as the first time he saw her dancing with the snow. No...she was even more beautiful because he was allowed now to look and appreciate.

He had been afraid that he would prove an inadequate husband, but she made it all so easy. He thought he'd be the protector, a role in which he was comfortable, but found it was she who took care of him. She saw to the running of the estate, ensured that his philanthropic efforts did not lapse, and provided knowledge regarding the powerful families. Most of all though, she saw to his comforts, ensured that he remembered to take his meals and actually rested. How like her to adjust to his ways, to fill in the gaps he had never known existed. And he...he found himself experiencing all sorts of joys; the simple one of seeing her eyes light up when he brings her a new book of exotic lands, the calming one of her concentration as she mixed his ink, the exultant one when they connected at the most physical level…as independent he liked to think himself, so much of his daily happiness had become reliant on her. No wonder Yongqi and ErKang had tried to convince him of the merits of matrimony.

He held her hand when she returned to his side, "thank you."

She tilted her head in question at the depth of emotion within those simple words.

"For indulging me."

She did not press him for further explanation but resumed her previous position.

He wrapped his arm around her. It was not the sort of life he had once envisioned for himself. But, here, with this extraordinary woman, it felt right.