Conversations: snippets from the Luck universe
"ErKang."
"LaoFoYe.
"Tell me about FangYan."
"What does LaoFoYe wish to know?"
"Everything."
ErKang nodded. ZiWei has warned him. He gave his honest assessment.
"So you think him capable."
ErKang sensed that LaoFoYe meant more than just in the capacity of a guard for Qing-GeGe. "Yes."
"Hmmm."
"Qing-er."
"LaoFoYe."
"Which young man has caught your eye?"
Qing-er blinked as she paused in the sewing of ZiWei's bridal sash. The gown would be made by the palace seamstresses, but she and LaoFoYe each wanted ZiWei to wear some of their well wishes on her person for her auspicious day.
"What does LaoFoYe mean?"
"I know the symptoms well enough. My Qing-er's heart is in danger."
"I am merely curious." She protested.
"Oh?"
"He is a puzzle I'd like to solve."
"ZiWei says he shared his past with both of you willingly."
Qing-er wasn't surprised that the dowager empress was aware. "So he did. But I have only caught glimpses of who he is because of it."
"And you'd like to see him clearer."
Qing-er knew it wasn't a question.
"Very well."
"LaoFoYe?"
"You will have the opportunity. I know I can trust you to remember yourself."
"Yes, LaoFoYe."
"Jiejie, will you tell me about Qing-GeGe?"
The Fu family matriarch put down her teacup to look at her companion. "Why does meimei wish to know about Qing-GeGe?"
"To see if my Yan-er has truly formed an attachment."
"Ah."
"Jiejie?"
"Qing-GeGe lost her parents when she was young. Her father had been a QinWang who perished in battle. When her mother heard, she decided to join him. LaoFoYe took her in."
"I see."
"HuanZhuGeGe is in possession of a softer, more intuitive disposition, Qing-GeGe is observant and sees clearly. She's too kind to be cunning, but she is clever."
"I see," FangFuRen repeated.
"ErTai once described her as a sword wrapped in silk."
"ErTai is observant as well."
"Yes. Hence he has vacated the arena silently."
"I do not wish for XiaoCi to become entangled with royalty."
"She is not suited." FuJin agreed.
"I do not know how to broach the topic with her. I doubt it has occurred to her to think on either of them in such a manner."
"You must let go of your guilt. XiaoCi is a good daughter."
"I will never be as dear to her as her brother is...it's bittersweet, really."
"WuAhGe is not someone who would force her." FuJin tried to provide assurance.
"And XiaoCi is not so easily won with material goods. Still...she has never received such attention, I fear the newness will turn her head."
"I trust XiaoCi. I still have hope that I might one day call her daughter."
"Jiejie is too kind."
FuJin smiled, "my ErTai has not realized it yet, but he needs her. Even more than being loved, the greatest pleasure for a woman is to be needed. XiaoCi may be naive, but her heart will understand one day."
"I am in need of a new guard."
Her Qing-er had always been beautiful, but she had never glowed like this. Her ride seems to have agreed with her.
"Oh? Is FangYan not to your liking?"
Her ward blushed but met her gaze steadily. "Quite the opposite."
"I see."
"Qing-er asks for LaoFoYe's indulgence."
"You think him worthy?"
"Yes."
"Will I think him worthy?"
"Yes."
"Such confidence can be foolish," she scolded.
But Qing-er remained unmoved. "I see him clearer now, but there is a depth to him that will require prolonged study."
"You have always been a curious child."
The tension in Qing-er's demeanor faded, "Qing-er thanks LaoFoYe."
"What do you think of XiaoCi?"
"XiaoCi?"
Her brother nodded.
"Why is WuGe asking?" ZiWei was guarded. She had certainly seen ErTai's heartache over the past few months.
"Just curious."
ZiWei didn't believe him but still answered, "she is a delight. She seems to carry the sun with her."
"Yes, that is an apt description." He said thoughtfully.
"ENiang is quite fond of her," ZiWei said with a hint of warning.
Her brother frowned.
"Like a caged bird, she would wither if restricted by decorum and rules," ZiWei said more bluntly.
"Hmmm."
ZiWei sighed, he would have her spell it out for him. Very well. "And if you would not consider for her, consider for ErTai."
"ErTai?"
"ErTai will never compete with you. You know this."
"ErTai has never indicated an interest."
"You know ErTai too well to need him to make any verbal declarations."
"I have never felt this way about anyone."
"But you cannot give her your whole heart." She countered.
"Can't I? HuangAhMa certainly favors LingGuiFei above all others."
"You are not HuangAhMa."
He was silent. He remembered a childhood vow, when he had seen the cold politeness with which his father had treated his mother, that he would be kinder to his own wives. Even if he did not love them, he would show them warmth.
"She would not want for anything."
"WuGe…"
He knew he had said the wrong thing at the weariness in his sister's voice.
"I can find it in myself to be conflicted."
Qing-er did not pause in fanning herself.
"WuGe does care for her." ZiWei added.
"But you and I both know that XiaoCi is not suited to be a FuJin."
"And she's too self confident to settle for being a ceFuJin."
Qing-er nodded.
"Still…"
"I told FangYan we'd both protect her."
"Has she ever given indication…"
"No."
ZiWei sighed, "you did say that WuGe would act in rebellion some day."
"So you think that he'll…" the motion of her hand stopped.
"I don't know," ZiWei admitted, "WuGe is all that is noble and selfless. But he has also never been tested like this. What he feels is genuine."
"ErTai does not feel any less."
ZiWei sighed again. She understood the reason for her brother-in-law's behavior even if she did not fully agree with it.
Qing-er's hand resumed its previous task, "it'd be easier if we knew what XiaoCi thought."
"You mean there is a chance she might return WuGe's regard?" ZiWei frowned.
"Isn't there?"
"WuGe is a model prince," ZiWei said softly, "the choices were many when LaoFoYe and YuFeiNiangNiang picked his ceFuJin for him."
"He has broken more hearts than he is aware." Qing-er stated.
"Do you think XiaoCi will break his?" ZiWei asked.
"Don't you think she should?"
"Qing-er, have you come to scold me too?"
She blinked at him, "LaoFoYe sent me to deliver some gifts for XinRong. I thought I'd come offer you my congratulations. Doubly so, really."
"Oh."
"YuFeiNiangNiang must be ecstatic to have finally become a grandmother."
"Yes."
"I know ZhuangNan is not the desired prince…"
"You know such things do not matter so much to me," he interrupted, "so long as mother and child are both healthy."
She raised an eyebrow, "it's alright to be selfish in this regard. No one would fault you for wanting a son."
He looked away.
"Or are you relieved because the child's gender would give you sufficient excuse?"
He didn't answer.
"You have been an attentive husband...how much of that is because of guilt?"
He did look at her then, a frown beginning to form.
"It's not unusual for a man's attention to stray when his wife is with child."
His frown deepened, "Qing-er…"
But she ignored the warning in his tone. "Though I suppose you have no wish for either XinRong or YuFeiNiangNiang to suspect. They are of the same ilk and will do much in the name of protecting your position…and their own."
"It's not like that."
"Oh?"
"She's not just some passing fancy."
"Even so, how do you foresee this ending?"
He didn't have an answer for her. He knew what he wished to say, but he also knew the impossibility of his hopes.
"Most women would jump at the chance to enter your household. But you and I both know that she is not most women."
"No, she is not." He loved her because she wasn't.
Qing-er seemed to have heard his unspoken thought nonetheless. "I hope this matter will not adversely affect your errand."
"HuangAhMa shows great faith in sending ErTai and I to JiangNan."
"And you were never one to disappoint his hopes."
"You have no need to remind me of my duty." The words came out sharper than he intended, but Qing-er took no offense.
It was a difficult choice he faced. She did not envy him such a position.
"Congratulations are in order, I hear." XiaoCi grinned at him.
"What are you doing?"
"Fishing." She answered.
"But why?"
"Why not?" She cast her line before giving a real answer, "shifu used it as a way to teach me patience. I can't sit still long enough to meditate as brother does. Fishing gives me a point of focus."
"Your shifu is a wise man."
"When I was little, I used to think he was Confucius reincarnate."
He chuckled and she grinned back at him.
"How does it feel to be an AhMa?"
He shrugged, "ENiang and the nainiangs have it well in hand."
"And your wife?"
"Hmmm?"
"How is she finding motherhood?"
"She has always been most capable."
"Qing-er says she's someone who is always poised. But children can have minds of their own."
"Not everyone is as difficult to raise as you."
She laughed at his teasing, "especially not a little princess. Especially not your daughter."
"What do you mean?"
"Like father, like daughter. She will grow up to be just as talented and intelligent and well mannered and dutiful."
"Dutiful…" he echoed and was all of a sudden so sick of the word.
"XiaoCi?"
"Hmmm?"
"Would you ever want to have your own little princess?"
"What?" She glanced at him sharply.
"I..."
"Hang on," she was distracted as she flung the fish from the water. "Ah ha!"
Her wordless shout of triumphant glee made him smile despite himself.
"And a big one it is!" She exclaimed even as she unhooked the fish before tossing it back into the water. Her eyes tracked its fall before turning back to her fishing pole. Her actions were so natural that his heart ached.
"Why did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Release it."
"I have no reason to keep it." She shrugged even as she cast her line again, "we certainly have no need for it as food. And a fish out of water makes for a poor pet. Besides, shifu always told me that the point of the exercise is not to catch the fish so much as to wait for them to be caught."
"Ah." She had unknowingly given him her answer.
"Do you want to try?" She asked him after a moment.
He looked into her clear eyes. She just meant fishing. Still...he rolled up his sleeves, "sure, why not?"
"XiaoCi, what are you doing?"
At her mother's question, she paused and looked around at the disaster that was her room. "I'll clean up the mess, mother, I promise."
Her mother shook her head, "are you looking for something?"
"Sort of."
"Sort of?"
XiaoCi fidgeted with her hands.
"XiaoCi?"
Her daughter's eyes were troubled.
"Will you tell mother about it?"
XiaoCi looked like she would say no, but then she heaved a great sigh and sank down into a chair.
FangFuRen joined her at the table and waited for her to speak.
"WuAhGe was here earlier." XiaoCi paused. "He said something that I…that I can still pretend not to have heard. But…"
"But you did hear." Her mother murmured softly.
"Yes…"
"He is a good friend." XiaoCi said into the silence.
"So is ErTai."
"ErTai…" XiaoCi scowled, "even ErTai is different somehow, ever since…"
"Ever since you met WuAhGe." Her mother completed the sentence for her.
"Mother?"
"Ask your heart, you know it to be true."
"My heart…" XiaoCi pressed a hand to her chest.
"What does your heart say?" FangFuRen asked softly.
"I…" XiaoCi lowered her hand and lifted her chin stubbornly, "Why has ErTai not said anything? We never used to keep secrets from each other."
"Because to him, WuAhGe is not a regular friend. What loyal vassal would ever willingly sabotage his lord?"
"So in importance, I am still second."
"Oh XiaoCi."
Her daughter shook her head, "I know I'm being unfair. One of the first things he had ever said to me was about family honor and filial duty."
"ErTai is used to being overlooked."
"But not by me." XiaoCi insisted. "Never by me."
"You're certain?"
When her daughter didn't answer, she added, "ErTai is not the sort to complain. He will convince himself, has likely already convinced himself, that he's content to remain in the background, forever just quietly watching over you, protecting you, and respecting your choices."
"I…I can protect myself well enough. He knows this…"
XiaoCi's hands gave away her agitation, "besides, he never gave me the opportunity to choose. In keeping quiet, he is pushing me in one direction."
"Would you choose him?"
"I…"
And that was the crux wasn't it? If her daughter did truly choose the prince, then what could she do but support her? She wouldn't try to dissuade XiaoCi, no matter how much her maternal instincts demanded it. She would of course paint a realistic picture of such a choice, would encourage XiaoCi to speak with Qing-er and ZiWei so that she would not be blindsided by what such a choice would mean. She would encourage daughter to follow her heart but that did not mean she wished her daughter to be unprepared.
"Save me from noble, selfless idiots!" Nonetheless, XiaoCi looked at the objects she had managed to compile and murmured, "I should not have accepted these things. I have been careless."
Her mother also looked and felt as though she understood, and so it was with great relief that she said, "our XiaoCi is maturing."
XiaoCi stood resolutely and resumed her search.
FangFuRen also stood and with a soft smile, turned to leave.
"Mother?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
Her smile broadened when her daughter approached and hugged her unexpectedly.
"I would have remained confused and willfully ignorant for too long. I would have hurt both of them more than I already have."
"My dear daughter…" FangFuRen had never felt more grateful for the second chance Mei-er's sacrifice had provided.
"XiaoCi."
She had been expecting him. "WuAhGe."
"Why? Why did you…"
"Ah, ZiWei managed to return things for me? I knew she would be discreet."
"Why?"
She wondered if he realized that his tone of command revealed clearly that he was a prince.
"Because I have made a choice."
He knew what she meant, had suspected it since that day by the pond, had hoped she would not consciously come to the same conclusion. He also knew she didn't mean to be cruel.
"XiaoCi…"
Was he aware of how close they were standing to each other? Still, she refused to flinch. "And should your daughter ever wish to learn to shoot arrows, I will gladly teach her."
He didn't smile, despite her attempt at levity. "XiaoCi…"
"What? You don't think I'm good enough to tutor a princess?"
"XiaoCi…"
She stared into his eyes, her expression shifting to one of seriousness, "WuAhGe."
He shouldn't ask, but he couldn't help himself, "if you had met me first, would things be different?"
"I don't know." He deserved her honesty. "You'd still be a prince with a golden destiny. And I...I'd still be just XiaoCi."
"Just XiaoCi," he repeated.
"Yes."
He raised a hand, as though to cup her cheek, but let it fall at the last second. "Never my XiaoCi."
"Not in that way, no. But...whenever you wish for a taste of a commoner's life, you'll know where to find me."
"As though you'll ever be some peasant farmer or destitute fisherman."
She smiled a little. "You know what I mean."
Despite his heartache, he smiled. Yes. He did know. She was spirited and clever and oddly insightful. She delighted in life's simple joys. She was never meant to be locked up for his sole enjoyment.
"Is that a fishing rod?"
"Two actually."
"Who in the world would send that as a wedding gift?"
"RongQinWang," she answered even without having to look at the list.
ErTai still checked and looked up in surprise, "you're right."
"Well of course I am."
He took the rod that she handed him, "it's a fine, strong rod."
She nodded, "shall we?"
"Now?" He glanced around at the room full of unopened packages.
"Please?"
"Are there even fish out this time of the year?"
She shrugged, "Let's find out?"
He tilted his head, it was obviously important to her. "Alright."
The brilliance of her smile convinced him of the wisdom of his answer.
The pond already had a layer of ice on top and XiaoCi sighed at the realization.
"Hang on." He called for tools from a servant and managed to make a small hole into the water beneath, "it's not much…"
She kissed his cheek before dropping her line and settling on the ground to wait.
He watched her as intently as she watched her line. The last week had been a blissful start to their marriage. He discovered that she was capable of incredible sweetness. She was almost always full of smiles, but she seemed to have developed a few reserved just for him. And he...he found that he would do the most foolish things to keep her looking at him like that.
"Maybe you're right," she murmured at last, "it must be too cold."
"Hang on," he said again as he carefully withdrew his own line. Carefully he stepped a little onto the ice.
"What are you doing?" She was standing now.
He just smiled at her as he tugged on the dangling string, "I think you've made a catch."
His smile broadened as such an act earned him her laughter.
She pulled and he returned to her side.
"Hmm, we should tell AhMa and ENiang that our pond is infested."
"Oh?"
"I've managed to catch a merman."
"Indeed?"
She nodded.
"Will you gift such a marvel to the emperor?"
She shook her head, "no."
"Ah. Will you make him into a spectacle and gain much riches from displaying him to a curious public?"
Her lips twitched but still she shook her head, "no."
"You're not going to have the cook make him into stew, are you?"
She wrinkled her nose in disgust and answered emphatically, "most definitely not."
"What did you have in mind?"
She leaned up and kissed him in response.
"Ah." He raised an eyebrow, "what would your husband say?"
"My husband is much too sensible to be jealous."
"Really?"
"Besides, he'd understand. I caught him too, after all."
"XiaoCi…"
"But maybe I was wrong." She interrupted him.
"Oh?"
"Maybe it's not a merman after all."
"No?"
"No." She kissed him again, "for I have broken the enchantment."
"What enchantment?"
"The one that turned my husband into a merman of course."
He laughed at her look of innocence.
"Come on," she tugged on his hand.
"Where are we going?"
"In case you've forgotten, we still have a roomful of gifts to sort through."
"What about your fishing?"
"It can wait until the lake has thawed." she neatly coiled the string of her fishing rod.
"You're certain?"
"Yes, the fish aren't going anywhere. And...and I've already caught the one fish I wanted to keep."
He could feel his expression softening. Wait..."Are you calling me a fish?"
She just laughed and ran back towards the storeroom.
"XiaoCi!"