CROWLEY!"

Crowley didn't have many friends in Hell... any actually. He'd spent as little time there as possible, and Hell wasn't exactly the sort of place to inspire trusting, lasting relationships. But he couldn't say he had many enemies either. Probably the overwhelming population of demons had no idea who he was. So why, of all the thousands of demons crushed into this one spot, why, oh why, did the first one to set eyes on him have to be Hastur?

Crowley tensed and tried to back away from the duke of Hell shoving his way through the crowd with murder in his eyes. Options? Fight? He'd lose. Run? Where would he go? Beg and plead for mercy? Unlikely to be answered with anything but a laugh.

I didn't get to say goodbye, he thought miserably as Hastur's talons reached for his throat.

A blur of something dark and furry slammed Hastur with the speed and skill of an attack dog. Point of fact, that was exactly what it was.

The sudden slamming of his head against the ground did more to subdue Hastur than the beast on top of him. The panicked trampling of several dozen demons over the downed form didn't hurt to take him, at least temporarily, out of the fight.

The beast leaped out of the way of the melee and rushed toward Crowley. Crowley registered the vague shape of a German Shepherd wearing a service dog vest, a surprisingly familiar sight among this bewilderment. "Marchosias," he gasped.

"Get this off of me!" The dog yelped in something of a panic as he shoved his side into Crowley's hands.

A glance confirmed the demon was losing the battle to maintain his Earthly shape, and nothing good would come to the reputation of a marquis of Hell if he was recognized wearing a vest reading 'service'.

Crowley undid the buckles and collar as fast as his fingers could fly. Not a moment too soon as the German Shepherd reverted to being his demonic self - a fire-breathing wolf with eagle wings and a serpent tail.

Some fallen angels got all the impressive features, Crowley thought a little bitterly as he considered the small serpent which was the body he'd found himself stuck with after his Fall. Well, at least he still had this body. And it wasn't trying to turn itself inside out anymore.

"Let's get out of the crowd," Marchosias panted, arching his back as if he'd like nothing more than to sit down for a good scratching of the spot where his wings had just erupted. "Have you seen the others?"

"I just landed," Crowley replied, flaring out his wings to shield both of them as they shoved their way through the horde. "Did we all get called?"

"It seems so." Marchosias growled and showed his teeth at a gaggle of young demons until they backed from his path.

"Do you know what's going on?"

The canine demon snorted. "One minute I'm walking up a street in Chicago. The next our king is dragging us all Hell-ward." He glanced with narrowed eyes at Crowley. "All I know is this isn't going to end well for us."

Yes, that was probably a true statement.

The two demons found a space against a wall, gathering up several more compatriots along the way. Gradually they were joined by the rest of a select-minded party. They crowded together, those with wings creating a barricade, and those without threatening with weapons or fangs any other demons who strayed too near the group.

There were eleven of them all total - the last remaining demons on earth as far as they knew. They kept up with each other casually - checking in every decade or so just to see who was still around. They weren't friends - none of them would have called the others that. Most of them would have willingly sold out the others if need arose. But over the centuries they'd all come to agree that in a choice between Hell, Heaven, and Earth, Earth was the best of the lot and they'd prefer to keep their lives there. Ideally without interference from Above or Below.

Once upon a time Earth had hosted far more field agents - both demonic and celestial. But as humanity had proved just fine at creating their own Heavens and Hells without assistance, the majority of agents had gradually been pulled and not replaced. The demons too good at their jobs had been hunted down by Heavenly Hosts and snuffed out of existence. Those terrible at their jobs had found themselves enjoying Hell's accommodations as permanent victims. The stupid had been found out by humanity, discorporated, and shunted back to Hell where they were not returned to Earthly corporeal bodies.

Of the eleven remaining on Earth, four (Marchosias included) had been summoned by human intention, and never bothered to return to Hell. Two others remained due to bureaucratic mix-ups in which Hell had simply lost track and forgotten about them.

The remaining five were like Crowley - field agents flying carefully below the radar of Heaven and Hell as much as possible. Not causing enough trouble to get Heaven's attention, and turning in just enough reports to convince Hell they still belonged on the payroll.

Some had worked out arrangements with their Heavenly counterparts (Crowley had facilitated it in one case). All fibbed their reports as much as possible and avoided any work that could draw attention.

The two things the eleven had in common was a preference for Earth and the creativity of humanity over Hell and demonkind, and an absolute certainty that if they ever returned to Hell, they were royally screwed.

And today was the day.

The cavern continued filling up with demons. Crowley recognized enough faces from enough professions around Hell to suspect absolutely everyone was being summoned. He said as much to his companions, receiving only tight-lipped nods in reply. The good news was their lot wasn't being singled out. The bad? Absolutely everything else.

"STAY," came the command in everyone's minds.

The weaker demons whimpered and cowered to the floor at the force of the decree. Even the stronger demons staggered and panted.

Crowley glanced sideways at Marchosias. The two of them were the only fallen angels of their party, and Marchosias outranked him by quite a lot. But even a marquis was clearly not immune to the force of the order. His ears were flattened against his skull, and his flaming breath had turned to nervous puffs of smoke. Crowley fought the urge the pat him on the head.

Marchosias wasn't a bad sort as demons went. He'd actually regretted the Fall and had spent some amount of time trying to get back into Heaven's good graces before giving up and embracing a new life on Earth as a sort of canine eco-terrorist. Crowley suspected that, although Marchosias probably had had nothing to do with Chernobyl, he had a lot to do with keeping humanity well away from the area for as long as they had, thus creating an odd sort of wildlife paradise which was where he could usually be found.

That was when he wasn't masquerading as a service dog so he could enjoy the best cuisine at all the best restaurants in the world. Crowley and Aziraphale had taken him pub-hopping on the occasion he'd visited them. Marchosias and Aziraphale had argued long into the evening about the merits of Heaven over Hell. Sadly, their blossoming friendship had terminated abruptly when Marchosias had declared sushi to be utterly disgusting. And although Aziraphale would tolerate blasphemies against Heaven if it led to a good argument, he refused to consort with any who defamed the name of the cuisine and art form which was sushi.

Right now, Marchosias looked as terrified and confused as the rest of them, and Crowley saw that no other high-ranking demons in the crowd looking any better. No, this was very bad.

Fighting died down, the demons clustering together mostly based on professions and types. No one really trusted anyone else, but in this madness, they took what reassurance they could from the least likely individuals in the crowd to stab them from behind.

They waited. They'd been commanded to do so. Free will wasn't much of an option for any of them. Especially not with THAT VOICE still echoing in the cavern.

And then, when they'd waited for an eternity, or maybe just a few long and horrible minutes, HE made his appearance.

In Hell, this was He with a capital H. The Great Adversary. The Father of Lies. The Great Deceiver. The Lord of Hell. Lucifer Morningstar.

He came down in a flash of white and glowing wings. The demons threw up hands and claws to shield their eyes against the terrible radiance of their king.

He alighted on his throne, poised and powerful. Anger and might rippled in a wave over the assembly.

The demonic horde hit the ground as one body. Every head bowed before the Lord of Hell. Whatever they privately thought of him, whatever dark secrets they held in their hearts, Lucifer controlled and commanded the horde with a twitch of his finger. Not one here would dare stand against him. Not radiating fury and strength as he was.

"I have returned," the king boomed in a voice which carried across the cavern and reverberated in every skull.

"He was gone?" Crowley hissed to the demon nearest him.

He was shushed from several sides.

"I have been patient with you," Lucifer continued. "I trusted you to get on with your work and not require me hovering over your every step." He glared down at the assembly. "It seems I was mistaken."

He flared out his wings, looming large and horrifying over them as those brave or dumb (Crowley) enough to look up could later attest. His form shifted - reflecting both the leather-winged, devil-faced sovereign of Hell, and the blinding and beautiful light-bringer of Heaven. Lucifer had lost none of his glory in his Fall - it was just fed by darker flames now.

"There will be no more rebellion. There will be no more violating of my laws. Possession was banned. Those who disobeyed..." His eyes swept the crowd. "I know who you are. You will know my wrath. There is nowhere in Hell for you to go."

"The rest of you..." He descended from his throne in a headlong plunge. Demons scattered to escape the buffeting of his wings as he landed on their level. "...Go to your tasks. Do as you have been commanded. I will examine each and every one of you. And hope I find none of you lacking. Go!"

Demons bolted from the cavern as fast as feet, coils, and wings could take them.

In seconds the only remaining in the room were the very young who had no assigned place, those who'd decided their most necessary task was to fawn attention on their king, and the small gaggle of Earthbound demon who whispered uncertainly to one another as to what they should do. Did anyone have a home they could hide in? Who'd come from Hell most recently? A thousand years ago? That wasn't good. They had to go somewhere...

"You lost the dagger "The king demanded, fury ringing in his voice.

The demons glanced among each other, most eyes fastening on Marchosias as the highest ranking among them. But Marchosias had sunk lower than the rest, trying hard not to draw attention to himself.

Crowley understood why. No one lied to Lucifer Morningstar, and for Marchosias to confess he'd been vacationing on Earth for the last 3,000 years wouldn't end well for any of them.

But someone had to speak up, and Crowley supposed he couldn't fall much lower in Hell's esteem than ruining the apocalypse and hooking up with an angel. (He realized a second too late that, in Hell, life could ALWAYS be worse.) Besides, he owed Marchosias for taking out Hastur.

"We are sorry"he blurted out thoughtlessly. "Mercy, my king"

"Mercy?"Lucifer snapped with a cool air of finality. "Someone wants my wife died"

The demons scattered.

"I will check everyone and I want to find the man you stole the dagger"

The Lord of Hell ambled through his rounds with a snake held securely in one hand. Plenty of demons noticed it. Several noticed that the snake looked terrified beyond the ability to hiss. Not one dared ask why Lucifer had decided to carry a pet with him.

Lucifer seemed particularly interested on this occasion in visiting the regions of Hell in which demons were being punished for crimes against him. He asked the guards after Dromos and marveled approval to see at how the last demon to annoy him was paying for his crimes.

Dromos screamed beautifully for mercy the whole time.

The snake practically turned to jelly in Lucifer's hand.

True to his word, Lucifer was checking up on each and every demon in Hell. He was mostly satisfied with what he found. As satisfied as a devil trapped where he did not want to be, doing a job he did not want to do, separated from everything he cared about, could possibly be.

Admittedly, that wasn't much.

It was hard not to kick the fawning demons out of his way.

It was hard not to ask the torturers what was the point of what they did.

It was hard not to ask the guards if they were there to keep him in.

It was hard to endure.

But at least today had delivered him some unexpected fun.

He wondered a little if it was possible for a demon to die of fright. The snake had stopped struggling the moment it recognized him. It had shaken very badly for a while. Now it hung limp and glassy-eyed in his grip. He'd teasingly slung it over his shoulder for a moment when he needed two hands.

The snake had lain prone and outwardly dead the whole time.

Lucifer returned to his private chambers after a lengthy and tedious trip through the necessities of running Hell.

How very much he hated his kingdom.

He'd redecorated his chambers in model of his penthouse over Lux. He wasn't sure if that made him feel at home, or just relived the misery of where he was not. His own personal Hell-Loop.

What would the good doctor say?

He dumped the snake onto the bar and sauntered into his bedroom to change into something more comfortable. The formality of suits seemed necessary for his returned position to being the Lord of Hell, but it was nice to slip off the jacket and stiff shirt at the end of a long day of work. Not that Hell boasted night and day. Night happened pretty much whenever Lucifer decided he was done working.

Now more casually dressed, he returned to the bar and poured himself a drink.

The snake had balled its coils together as tight as possible, hiding its head somewhere amidst its length. Beyond that, it hadn't moved from where it had been dropped.

Lucifer took his time pouring a drink and taking a sample taste. He grimaced. Something about Hell utterly fouled alcohol. That was one of many problems with Hell. Whatever vice was your passion, Hell found a way to ruin it.

"Sit up," Lucifer grumbled. "I can't bloody well have a conversation with you like that."

The demon obediently uncoiled, transforming as his coils settled themselves into their more human pattern.

The demon was not particularly remarkable. A lanky human shape with yellow serpent eyes, hair hovering in color somewhere between red and black, and a lovely pair of sable wings. The demon sat cross-legged on the bar, hunched in on himself, obviously not daring to move from where Lucifer had dropped him. He folded his wings tight against his back, making himself as small as possible.

Lucifer eyed him coldly. He knew who it was, of course. He hadn't forgotten a single member of the Fallen. He knew most of the Lilim by name as well, though the younger demons could turn into a forgotten muddle in his mind until they distinguished themselves somehow. Since his return, the youngsters had been tripping over each other to please him. Irritating little beasts. It was rather relaxing to be alone in a room with a demon who didn't look likely to please Lucifer in any way except regarding how loudly he could scream.

He couldn't recall having seen much of Crawly since the Eden business. And even then, after he'd gotten Lucifer in, the demon had hastily gotten out of Lucifer's way. If identities hadn't become muddled, and Crawly hadn't stuck his nose where it didn't belong, he probably could have gotten in and out of the story with none the wiser. But he had, and his part in the whole business had become something of an annoyance to Lucifer. Not that he'd minded having someone to blame for everything which happened immediately after. He just never liked sharing credit. Gradually in his mind, he'd taken the solo role. Even the incident with Eve recently hadn't reminded him of who else had been in the Garden.

Really, he'd mostly forgotten that a demon named Crawly even existed.

"Who has the dagger, Crawly?! "He asked.

"Crowley," the demon corrected in a mutter, then flinched and ducked lower. "Your brother," he explained hastily.

"My brother?" Lucifer rummaged through the liquor shelves for something which wouldn't taste like rubbing alcohol once poured. "Which one?"

The demon trembled.

" REMIEL"

"Remiel!" Kali roared. The whiskey glass sailed through the air, smashing against the wall and shattering into thousand pieces that clattered to the ground. There was silence for a moment, just her labored breathing to be heard, as she stared at the spot that now stained the white walls

Amenadiel's sister is even more awkward than her brother. She makes no effort to hide her wings or blend in with humans. She carries a large spear and wears her garb in public unaware of the attention she draws to herself. Remiel is able to sense celestial beings. Her ability allows her to sense a new celestial being on earth. There's only one explanation; Because of that bitch, Kali lost her children.

''I will kill you everyone. I will start for your angerls and them, your beloved wife''

And just like that, she was back to her old self — back to being the Hell Queen that desired r's heart on a silver platter, broken by the misery she was going to single-handedly cause himanger her.

Downstaits ,music was playing rather loudly in Lux as she entered it, people swarming the dance floor and jumping up and down along the beat. Lucifer was — luckily — nowhere to be seen, which filled Kali with relief, because she was yet to sharpen her nails and was there only for a drink, but if she were to come across her dear brother in law ,Amanadiel, , she wasn't so sure if she could stop herself from attacking him. But, indeed, she wasn't there for him, and with that in mind, Kali waltzed to the bar and found a seat by the counter, before clearing her throat to earn a certain demon's attention.

"Bartender", she spoke, and knowing very well that her voice was one of a kind when it was considered an enemy, she eyed Mazikeen who instantly turned around and shot Kali a glare.

"Yay, you found me", was her bitter response, and with equal sarcasm, Kali fired back.

"Lucky me", she spoke snarkily, narrowing her eyes at Maze, before asking her to pour a drink for her. Reluctantly, the demon grabbed a bottle before doing as had been requested, and as she filled a shot glass with the unfamiliar alcohol Kali was less scared to taste this time, the glare remained in her eyes. She was not happy to see the Shedevil in the club, but Genevieve did whatever she pleased, and she had to admit — Mazikeen was good at her job. And she had once been something other than an enemy, and therefore, perhaps Kali was hoping their encounter wouldn't end in a bloodbath. At least today.

After she had downed the drink, Maze poured Ginny another one, before making one for herself too — it seemed she needed it. "If you've come for Lucifer—", the demon began, but before she could even finish her petty, meaningless threats, Kali had interrupted with a chuckle and shaken her head in disagreement.

"I need your help, Maze", Kali admitted, not even ashamed to say it out loud.

Still, the demon was rather surprised that Kali'd come to her for help, but despite her initial amazement, she ended up growing rather disinterested. "You must be truly desperate, My queen. Right, well, what makes you think I have any interest in helping you?''

With the laugh of a madman rising from her throat, Kali then took Maze's hand, which he did not agree with at all. However, that changed when ahe spoke up. "Because you, my dear demon, get to kill me", Kali grinned, and at this, Mze's eyes widened and her ice cold expression softened into something much more delighted.

"THE PLAN IS simple. You kill me, I go down to Hell and find Lucifer ,then you bring us back!", Kali explained, flashing a convincing smile to the people around hwe — Maze, Amenadiel and Marcus were all scattered around the couches of their penthouse, eyeing the witch with disbelief, as if she had gone absolutely mad. And perhaps she had. However, whereas all the others were refusing to help Kali with this insane idea and pointing out all the downsides and things that could go wrong.

"This is a terrible idea. I absolutely forbid it!", Amenadiel was the first one to speak his mind — no surprises there. Kali didn't really expect his to be game, especially when it came to leading his brother into the sweet embrace of death, but what did surprise the queen, was Mazikeen's unwillingness to go forth.

"I hate to agree with him", Mazikeen spoke up"but he's right."

Snorting, Kali shot a sassy look towards the demon. "I never thought you'd be the buzzkill, Maze. What happened to excitement being danger and spontaneity?", the queen wondered sarcastically, which made the other demon give a cold stare towards her. Kali found great joy in annoying others, especially Mazikeen, but she was less amused when her snarky comment was ignored.

"You'd be on your own. We both know I can't go down with you", Maze didn't stand down from her argument, trying to find new ways to convince Kali that he idea was too crazy — even for the Devil and his right-hand demon. However, Kali did have something to counter with, to assure Mazikeen that she wouldn't be alone.

"I have Lucifer! I'm quite certain the KING of Hell has no problem returning home for a bit", Kali grinned.''I don't care what happens to me in Hell, or what happens to the my husband,It is about mu kids''Kali argued — it was true that returning to Hell was an easy task for her, but her unwillingness to actually help got in the way of her ability to travel between Earth and the Underworld. She was there to pull the trigger, or whatever method of murder Lucifer had in mind, but that was it. She wasn't going to stay for the aftermath — she was going to pop a bottle of champagne and roll around in cash and her kids to celebrate her success and the sweet stench of death in the air.

"Marcus, are you coming?", Maze looked over to the man, but surprisingly, the man refused to follow his friend.

Some details were discussed once Marcus had left the penthouse, and then, Lucifer finally popped the question they had all been waiting for, and it was quite clear what the answer was going to be, too.

"Who wants to kill me?"