"Evie, how did you even get enough time to do this?" Mal questioned as she inspected the sparkling chaps peppered in green rhinestones that were currently adorning her legs. Evie just stood there proudly and half-crazed looking, already decked out in her glimmering blue cowgirl hat, blue suede cropped fringed jacket, white button-up shirt, and blue chaps with sparkling gold rhinestones. Mal figured her half-crazed expression could likely be attributed to the lack of sleep that she had to have suffered as a direct result of these outfits that had to have taken forever to make.
"I started it just as soon as we parted ways to pack for the trip yesterday," Evie informed her, a giant grin on her face as she looked at her best friend.
"So… is anybody else's leather pants riding up on them?" Uma asked, wiggling her legs in an attempt to loosen things up.
"No, because they all were tailored to everyone's individual measurements," Evie informed her as they stood there in Evie's room at the castle, waiting for Jane to decide to put her outfit on. They were supposed to leave in a few minutes, and they had already put their luggage in Evie's Jeep.
"Well, these hips don't lie," Uma informed her shortly, clicking her tongue as she took in the situation.
"Maybe it's just that your butt's gotten bigger since she last measured you," Audrey suggested, leaping at the opportunity to pick on Uma. Honestly, Mal didn't blame her in the least. Uma was absolutely relentless to Audrey, so it was perfectly understandable that Audrey would do anything she could to get back at her.
Uma just raised an eyebrow, unimpressed with the other girl, but didn't say anything as she tried to straighten her pants.
"Personally, I think these outfits are absolutely to die for," Audrey emphasized as she looked at herself in the mirror, positioning her cowgirl hat with a purse of her lips.
Audrey and Evie were practically the only people in the room that were comfortable in this level of fanciness and uncomfortableness. Mal was just thankful that it wasn't going to take more than a day to get to the farm. However, she was thinking very seriously about how she was going to convince Evie that they shouldn't wear these for the rest of the week.
"Jane, honey, are you coming out?" Audrey yelled, angling her head back slightly as she unashamedly gazed into the mirror at her visage.
"I don't want to," Jane proclaimed from Evie's large walk-in closet.
"It can't be that bad. Come on! We gotta go," Uma informed Jane as she pulled at the top of her pants in an attempt to expand them a little bit. Evie's eyes narrowed as she spotted Uma fiddling with the pants she made and possibly pulling them out of shape.
"Uma, stop stretching the pants. They're meant to be tight. It's stylish," Evie informed Uma in a scold, slapping the pirate's hands away from the sea-foam green pants.
"That explains it," Uma acknowledged, and finally let go of them begrudgingly.
Jane finally came out of the room, and Evie smiled sweetly as she saw her.
"You look gorgeous," Evie complimented. Jane just smiled back at her, her confidence growing. They all just stood there for a little bit, stuck in the moment, until Evie all of a sudden jumped into action.
"Now, let's go, go, go!" Evie pushed them, and Mal just managed to grab her purse and phone before they were all heading out the door in a herd.
They rushed through the halls, or at least as fast as they could rush with the ridiculous pants they were wearing. Ultimately, Audrey and Evie were leading the pack because of their being used to the additional tightness.
Before long, they were all outside, and heading down the stairs.
The boys were already out there, and everyone swiftly went through their goodbyes, knowing they had to beat traffic.
"I love you guys," Evie openly expressed as she hugged Jay and Carlos tightly, Mal wrapping her arms around them, too.
"We love you, too. And good luck," Carlos wished to them, and they pulled away with a smile, Evie heading to the Jeep swiftly.
"You guys are going to be the ones wishing for luck," Mal informed them cockily, and she moved over to Ben, grabbing his cheeks in her hands and pulling him down to her level before locking lips with him swiftly.
"Get ready to eat our dust," Mal told him a bit breathlessly, and he grinned, squeezing her waist before letting her head for the car.
"Love you, too!"
Audrey haughtily stared at Jay for a moment, and he rolled his eyes and smirked.
"So…"
"So?"
"There's still time to chicken out," Jay informed her wickedly, and she narrowed her eyes as she glared at him. He looked at her and pinpointed the exact moment that he thought she was going to start fussing before grabbing her by the waist firmly and peppering her face with kisses playfully.
Instead of going into an argument, she instead went into a laughing fit, trying to push away until he muffled her protests with a firm kiss. Audrey immediately wrapped her fingers into his hair, giving it her all despite being miffed about the events of the previous day where he had made fun of her dedication. She then pulled away from him quickly, coming back to her senses, and she smacked him on the chest firmly. He just laughed at her, and let her head to the Jeep, keeping his eyes on her form as she headed for the vehicle.
On the other hand, Carlos and Jane were much more conservative than Jay and Audrey, and they hugged for a few minutes and kissed each other on the cheek.
"Are you sure you can handle this, Jane?" Carlos questioned somewhat worriedly. Jane put her hands on her hips, trying to conjure the sass that she had seen from Audrey and Mal.
"Bibbidi Bobbidi, you know it," Jane replied, and Carlos just laughed, shaking his head as she offered an awkward smile. She waved slightly as she got into the car next to Audrey.
Uma took hold of Harry's fluffy necktie and yanked him into her, kissing him passionately before pulling away much too quickly. He just stood there in a daze as Uma patted Gil on the shoulder.
"Be good for Harry, okay? And make sure you keep him reminded that us girl's are going to whoop all of y'all's butts," Gil nodded happily, and Uma returned it with one of her own. Harry snapped out of his stupor as he gaped at Uma in disbelief. She just shot him a confident little smirk as she stalked off toward the Jeep.
Jane had already gotten in on the right side, Audrey was in the middle, and Uma's seat was waiting for her on the left of Audrey.
Uma stepped inside the car, plopping down next to the pink princess as she took off her cowgirl hat so it could rest in her lap. Everyone buckled up quickly, and Mal rolled down her window so she could rest her arm on the door carefully.
"Hey, remember, today and the day you spend coming home doesn't count as part of the five days!" Jay called to them, and Mal threw him a thumbs-up as they started down the driveway.
"Be safe!" Ben yelled.
"Don't get into the pig pen at night!" Carlos cried.
"Actually, do get in! It'll be a hoot!" Harry added to Carlos with a wicked grin.
The girls just rolled their eyes at him but stuck their hands out the windows and waved to the boys as Evie reached the end of the drive. Evie then stopped carefully, turning at looking at all of the girls from her position in the driver's seat.
"So, are you ready to rock and roll?" Evie questioned, an eyebrow raised with a slight grin uplifting the corners of her lips. Everyone's eyes immediately went as wide as saucers as they recollected their last trip together. Uma dove for the window, rolling it down as far as it would go and as fast as the car would allow.
"PRAY FOR ME! LET THE POWERS THAT BE TAKE THE WHEEL FOR EVIE'S AT IT!" Uma commenced to screaming at the top of her lungs, and Evie eyed her confusedly. Audrey looked a bit like she might join her, and Jane was just cowering in the backseat with a completely afraid expression on her face.
"Wow… She really doesn't want to listen to my country playlist," Evie noted as she suddenly withdrew a CD, her brow furrowed as she eyed the pirate captain in the backseat.
Mal sighed, relieved at the fact that Evie wasn't meaning that she was going to drive like a nutcase.
"It's okay, E, we thought you meant something else," Mal informed her, and Uma pulled her head back in the Jeep, watching the exchange.
"What- wait, you thought I was talking about driving, didn't you? M, you know I'm an excellent driver," Evie proudly told her best friend as she started down the road.
"Okay, so you know how you're into science, math, logic- that kind of thing?" Uma questioned, gesturing with her hand.
"Yeah?" Evie replied as she looked at Uma in the rearview mirror, cuing Uma to add to her inquiry.
"Well, let's just say that according to the scientific mathematical logic of me coupled with the formula of past experience, that statement is totally invalid," Uma shortly told the bluenette and Evie rolled her eyes, ultimately letting the insult wash over her effortlessly as she popped in the CD.
"This is going to be good. It has thirty different authentic country songs on it," Evie told the group, and Mal raised an eyebrow.
"Let me guess. You did that yesterday, too, right?" Mal asked, and Evie very surprisingly shook her head.
"No, that was this morning before we got ready to leave," Evie informed the other girl with a huge grin, and Mal gaped at her sister.
"Evie, you didn't!" Mal cried, and Evie guiltily nodded. However, before Mal could continue in her pursual of this conversation, a gosh-awful screeching started playing through the speakers and utterly offending Mal's ears.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
I'm begging of you, please don't take my man
"Hold the phone, what the heck is that?" Uma questioned, pointing at the radio with a totally disgusted look on her face.
"It's 'Jolene' by Dolly Parton!" Evie grinned, launching into song wholeheartedly, but changing the words so that it was Charlene- her Jeep- instead.
"Charlene, Charlene, Charlene, Charlene! I'm begging of you, please don't take my car!" Evie belted, patting the steering wheel fondly as she drove along, already turning onto the highway that would eventually lead them to the side road that went to the country house. Uma just slowly met Mal's gaze with her jaw slack. Everyone in the car except for Evie was totally unaware of this song, how it went, what century it was from…
"That is awful! She sounds like a goat!" Audrey proclaimed, covering her ears as she tried to block out the sound.
"Kind of ironic considering where we're going!" Uma shot back at her, raising her voice to be heard over Evie's boisterous singing.
"I don't know, guys. I kind of like it!" Jane piped up as she started hesitantly clapping her hands with Evie's singing. Evie offered her a grateful look as she just kept on singing, driving down the road steadily.
After several lines of complete torture, Mal, Audrey, and Uma were completely sure that they were going to die. They were starting to wish that their eardrums would hurry up and burst.
However, as soon as Evie started into the chorus, Uma launched her own version of the tune.
"Change it, change it, change it, change it! I'm begging you, please don't play it no more!" Uma sang along, and as Mal and Audrey resisted the urge to laugh, it became clear to Evie that everyone except herself had their fill of the song.
"Okay, okay! I'll change it if you insist," Evie begrudgingly spoke, reaching for a button on the radio slowly as she anxiously waited on someone to protest her movement.
"Oh, I insist. Trust me," Uma assured her wholeheartedly.
So Evie complied, and by the time that she was through, Mal, Uma, and Audrey were ready to cut their ears off.
"I tried so hard, my dear, to show… That you're my every dream," Evie started to sing with the crooning cowboy, and Mal resisted the urge to smack her head against the window.
"What's that?" Mal dared ask, and Evie shot her a huge smile.
"'Cold, Cold Heart' by Hank Williams, Senior," Evie named the song quickly before picking up right where she left off.
Mal looked back at Uma, and Uma grinned at her wickedly. Mal tilted her head in silent questioning, and Uma slowly lifted her phone, wiggling it a little as she waggled her eyebrows.
Mal immediately nodded, practically begging for Uma to save their ears from total annihilation by Evie's terrible music taste.
"So, how do you feel about 'Body Like a Backroad' by Sam Hunt?" Uma offered up to Evie wickedly as she tapped away at her phone. "Is that on your list?"
Evie actually stopped singing and moving to the song altogether in favor of responding to the pirate. Mal almost laughed at the abruptness of the pause as Evie lost all semblances of her good humor.
"That song is not allowed in my car," Evie informed Uma seriously, not a drop of Evie's natural mannerisms in her voice. But just like that, as soon as she said her piece, all of Evie's sweetness and kindness returned, her voice effortlessly launching into song once again.
Mal kept her eyes on Uma as she looked through her phone quickly. Audrey peered over Uma's shoulder, watching her scroll. Uma finally tapped her phone swiftly, and Audrey's face lit up in an evil grin, her eyes flicking to Evie who was blissfully unaware.
Uma looked at Mal with a determined nod, and Mal just barely returned it with one of her own in order to avoid getting Evie's attention.
As soon as Evie finished her song, her knee bouncing excitedly as she looked at Mal with her eyes sparkling beautifully. Mal almost felt bad for what she was about to do to her sister.
"'Take Me Home, Country Road' is up next!" Evie cried in pure excitement, and as soon as she returned her eyes to the road, Mal turned off the radio. Evie furrowed her brow, her jaw dropping open as she glared at Mal.
"What did you do that for?! This is my car, my radio! I call insubordination!" Evie declared to her best friend, and Mal's lips curled wickedly as Evie's most hated song started to emanate from Uma's phone loudly.
Evie's eyes went wide in horror as Audrey and Uma started swinging along to the song in the backseat. Mal didn't know the words, but she started dancing, nevertheless.
"NO!" Evie cried, but it was too late for protest. Much too late.
"Got a girl from the South side! Got braids in her hair," Uma and Audrey sang together, and Mal tugged at Evie's small braids playfully as the pirate captain hooted loudly.
So, it went- as Evie sat there in torture, Mal, Uma, and Audrey had their very loud and boisterous fun. They continued to pick at her for the remainder of the song, and by the time it was over, Evie was sure she was going to die.
When it was finally over, Evie was really quiet for a few moments, and Mal couldn't help but wonder if they had successfully broken the other girl.
However, after only a moment, Evie reached over to her radio and pressed the button, turning back on that dreadful, ancient country music. Mal sighed, closing her eyes and realizing that they didn't manage to deter the other girl at all.
Needless to say, despite the fact that it was going to be less than one day for them to get there, it was going to be the longest drive of Mal's life.
A/N: Poor Evie. She was just trying to bring some culture to those modernists, lol. XD
Okay, so seriously, you guys need to look up "Jolene" by Dolly Parton, "Cold, Cold Heart" by Hank Williams Sr., and "Body Like a Backroad" by Sam Hunt. I have nothing against any of those songs, but with the first two, you'll get what I'm talking about with the goat and the crooning cowboy, lol.
I hope you all enjoyed! They're arriving at the farm in the next chapter, so that's when crap really starts. This is probably going to be a very long chapter story, so hang on for the ride. There will be drama queens, there will be fits thrown, but most importantly, almost every chapter has the promise of hilarity.