By the time that they arrived at the road off the highway leading to the farm, Mal was ready to jump out of the window, Audrey was about to scream, and Jane was still clapping along, albeit slightly less enthusiastically. Evie was still going strong, now with Tanya Tucker's "Delta Dawn." But the worst part was that Uma had decided to sing along. Even though she didn't know any of the words.
"Somethin', somethin', somethin', Delta Dawn! Don't know how it goes-awn!" Uma sang with Evie's correct lyrics, and between them both, they were a giant headache. The louder that Uma tried to sing and screw up Evie's singing, the louder Evie carried her tune to counteract it.
Mal looked back at Audrey, and Audrey met Mal's eyes in an almost traumatized manner. The pink princess leaned up so that she was nearby Mal, wincing as she glanced at Evie who had just started singing a little louder.
"How long is it going to take until we get there?" Audrey asked, her mouth near Mal's ear. Mal shrugged and shot an unimpressed look at Evie before dedicating more attention to the princess behind her.
"I don't think too long," Mal replied quietly. Audrey just looked between Uma and Evie before shaking her head, her deep chocolate eyes meeting Mal's own emerald ones.
"Would you judge if I started yelling profanities?"
"No. But I think that Evie would have a fit," Mal answered, and Audrey sighed.
"I won't, then. We certainly can't stand any more noise," Audrey spoke, and Mal nodded emphatically.
"Definitely."
Before long, there were rolling pastures on the sides of the road and Mal couldn't help but think that they must be getting close.
Soon enough, at the last chorus of "Delta Dawn," they reached the driveway to the farm, and Evie turned in, reaching over and turning off the radio as they took it all in. Mal and Audrey shared a glance of relief, as Evie marveled at everything around.
"Aw, man. You done killed my tunes!" Uma proclaimed with a barely held back laugh. Mal and Audrey shot her a warning glare as they signaled her to stop talking lest Evie start back up again.
They finally came to a stop in front of the farmhouse, and Evie turned the key so that the radio still had power but the engine was off.
Evie looked to her left, noting the cows nearby the fence, and she looked to her right, gaping at the horses trotting up to see who had come. Mal was just baffled by it all. She had never seen so many animals in one place.
Movement caught their eye and they looked at the porch, seeing the elderly couple there. The old man had a cowboy hat on, and Mal immediately knew that was the kiss of death. Evie's face lit up in an enormous grin as she practically dove for the radio.
"I'm going to make my impression as a real cowgirl with a real cowgirl song!" Evie proclaimed, and Audrey's jaw slackened in pure horror. Uma just raised an eyebrow and leaned forward.
All of a sudden, "The Git Up" started to play loudly out of the speakers, and Evie skipped it to her most favorite part. She put on her cowgirl hat, tipping it to Mal playfully as she jumped out of the Jeep excitedly.
This next part's my favorite part, uh,
'Coz it's time to shine
Evie launched into her dance wholeheartedly, and Audrey slowly melted in her seat in pure mortification as the old man and woman just stared at Evie as if she had lost her mind. Uma had leaned up between the passenger seat and the driver's seat so she could watch better with Mal.
"You gonna get out there with her?" Uma questioned as Evie broke it down in front of everyone. Mal just gaped at Uma, not able to even imagine getting out and embarrassing herself in any such of a way.
"No!" Mal answered quickly, and Uma glanced between Evie and Mal. She looked at Audrey who was trying to avoid being seen, and her face lit up in a wicked grin as she snatched her seafoam green hat.
"Well, we can't leave her hanging," Uma proclaimed, and slung her door open wide so that everyone could easily see Audrey inside the Jeep. Uma quickly sidled up to Evie, launching into the dance perfectly along with her.
Audrey's eyes went wide as she reached over and slammed the door that Uma had so cruelly left open. Mal wasn't even embarrassed at this point and was instead just totally baffled by her two best friends. Jane was watching curiously and grinning slightly as she enjoyed the dance.
"Can we leave them here?" Audrey questioned after only a second. Mal blinked, shaken from her stupor.
"No. We've got to get out, unfortunately," Mal informed the other girl finally as she reached over and turned off the radio then turned off the ignition.
Evie and Uma froze, mid-two-step and looked back at Mal confusedly.
"Yo, you threw off our groove!" Uma called to them, and Mal rolled her eyes fondly.
"Hi, sir and ma'am, I'm Mal, and those two idiots out there in front of you are Uma and Evie," Mal started into her introductions as she turned toward her door to open it. However, as soon as she faced her window, a giant lolling tongue greeted her. Mal jumped backward against the armrest between the two seats, freaking out fully as an enormous dog stared her down.
"Don't worry, your Majesty, that's just Barney," the old woman called, and Mal could've sworn she heard a hint of a laugh in her voice. Mal just froze in her seat, unwilling to move as the dog looked at her from his position with his paws on the door of the vehicle.
Evie immediately started to look for the creature known as Barney. As soon as her eyes rested upon the giant white dog in her passenger seat window, Evie's face lit up in a grin larger than any Mal had ever seen as she started around the Jeep.
Unlike Mal, Evie had actually started to really like dogs. It was actually quite a surprising development, because Evie usually despised nasty things, and pets came under the classification of nasty.
However, with dogs, Evie seemed to forsake her inhibitions and embrace them fully. Of course, it was likely due to the fact that she had been a dog at one point, and as a result of the events that had happened to her as a dog, she had infinitely more sympathy for the creatures.
"Hi, buddy!" Evie cried, bending down as she beckoned the dog over to her excitedly. He slowly hopped down from the door, his big white form ambling over to Evie as his slightly upturned tail swayed behind him.
She offered her hand tentatively, and the dog sniffed it before sliming her entire hand with dog spit. Evie didn't even seem to mind the slobber as she started to pet the thick fur of his neck, running her fingers through it as she just seemed right at home.
"You are just the cutest fluffmuffin!" Evie baby-talked him, pressing her nose against the dog's playfully. He licked her face swiftly in response, his tail wagging faster. Evie laughed wholeheartedly.
"That's so nasty. But you're cute, so I'll let you get away with it," Evie informed him as she kissed his nose carefully.
"So, you gonna sniff his butt now?" Uma questioned from her position leaned against the hood of Charlene, and Evie paused in her petting of the dog.
"No. Why would you say that?"
"Well, he's a dog… You were one… You're getting awfully cozy with him. Don't you think you need to say hello properly?" Uma asked wickedly, and Evie's eyes narrowed as she ran her fingers through the fluff around his ears.
"I thought the entire purpose of this bet was to keep us from talking about those sorts of incidents anymore," Evie informed her, and Uma shook her head.
"That bet was made with the boys. I didn't agree to anything like that," Uma smugly informed her.
Mal watched Evie carefully, making sure that the dog wasn't going to come over and eat her, and she hesitantly started to open her door so that she could finish her introductions.
However, as soon as she did, there was a flowing sea of white creatures that came flooding in from behind a nearby shed along with another giant dog. Mal resisted the urge to scream, and she swiftly slammed her door, deciding that she would climb over the armrest and get out on the dog-free side of the car.
"OH, PUPPIES!" Evie squealed, and Mal didn't have to look to know that Evie was likely covered in white puffballs. Mal hurried over to the couple standing on the porch.
"So, as I was saying, I am Mal, the dog lover over there is Evie, and the sassy one is Uma," Mal introduced herself once again with a slight smile.
"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, your majesty. But I thought there were going to be five of you- if you don't mind me saying, of course," the man stammered a bit, taking off his hat respectfully. Mal turned and pointed at Audrey who was just now starting to snake out of the car with Jane close behind her.
"The pink monstrosity is Audrey, and the girl behind her is Jane," Mal informed him with a grin.
"I'm George, and this is my wife Anne," the old man introduced himself and his wife before getting down to business.
"So, King Ben has told me that-"
"Oh, just Ben. Don't worry about formalities. My motto is when the crown's off, the title's off. And I try not to wear the crown often. It can be a little too heavy sometimes," Mal joked, and the two chuckled, looking much more relaxed as they eyed her. Audrey and Jane stepped up behind Mal, and wordlessly watched the conversation.
"Well, whatever you say," George respectfully spoke, and Mal nodded easily. "What I was saying was that your husband had told us that you and these girls were coming here to experience genuine farm living. Is that right?"
"Yeah. Don't hold back. We want to make sure that we are exposed to the complete treatment," Mal explained.
"Of course. Y'all will get started tomorrow. For now, we've got you a place to sleep in the loft of the barn," he informed her, and Mal paused for just a second, slightly surprised.
"Don't look so worried, dear. It's really cozy up there, and there are some sleeping bags already set up for you," Anne reassured kindly.
"See, we only have one bedroom in the house, so there wouldn't be enough room for all five of you. I hope that's okay," George nervously spoke, and Mal offered him a big smile.
"It's perfect," Mal assured him, a sweet expression on her fac.
"M! Can I take them all home?!" Evie suddenly called, and Mal turned to see Evie stumbling over with a whole herd of fluffballs surrounding her feet, a puppy in each arm as they wiggled and writhed and tried to lick her face. Even Uma had one in her arm, and Mal couldn't help but notice how Uma was fondly petting the creature, her nose buried in the fur of its neck. It seemed perfectly content in her arms, and its head was snuggled as close to her as it could manage.
However, as Evie and the kerfuffle were growing nearer, Mal was forced to avert her gaze to the bluenette. Mal raised an eyebrow at Evie as she somewhat fearfully gazed at all of the puppies and the giant parents following Evie happily.
"Look, E, I don't think that's a good idea. They're not ours."
"Don't worry, they're all for sale," the old people informed them, and Mal closed her eyes in dread as Evie started cooing and carrying on even louder.
"Oh! M!" Evie squealed happily, and Mal reopened her eyes.
"No, we can't get one. I remember my last experience with a dog, and it was the worst one I've ever had," Mal explained to Evie. The bluenette then paused with a pout as she slowly put the two puppies on the ground with their littermates. Before long, the parents of the puppies started off in a direction and the herd followed.
Evie sighed softly and walked over to join Mal.
Mal looked at Uma, noticing that she still hadn't put down her pup. Uma was just holding it carefully, petting it gently as it relaxed there and didn't even show any interest in joining its siblings. Mal raised an eyebrow at the pirate, and Uma innocently looked at the faerie.
"What? She's asleep, so I can't put her down," Uma informed Mal shortly. Mal looked at the puppy, and she saw that it was definitely not asleep, instead just relaxing.
"It's not asleep, Uma," Mal told her and the pirate raised both eyebrows, peering over the puppy's head to examine her carefully. The pup looked up at Uma curiously before nibbling her chin playfully. Uma chuckled.
"Yeah, I guess she's not asleep anymore." Uma then very begrudgingly put the puppy down on the ground so it could rejoin the others. It looked up at her upside down and fell on her foot, completely lost as it tilted its head. The corners of Uma's lips slightly upturned as she looked at the adorable puppy that had sat on her shoe.
"Alright, now. Go on. Go join your sisters and brothers," Uma told it kindly, and Mal could see Uma's very definite urge to pick it back up and pet it more.
The puppy started to get up finally, but after a moment of walking away, it looked at her one more time.
Uma nodded to it, and it finally walked away slowly, following the path of the others.
"Huh. Ol' runt took a shining to you," George acknowledged, and Uma grinned softly.
"Shrimpy and Runt. A heck of a team," Mal piped up absent-mindedly, and Uma cut her eyes at Mal immediately, looking like she might blow up on her. Mal knew just how much that nickname riled up the other girl, and she couldn't help but grin wickedly as she used it. Mal usually tried to avoid using that particular name, but it was too perfect to pass up.
"What kind of dogs are they?" Uma questioned, and Anne smiled sweetly at her.
"They're Great Pyrenees," she informed her, and Uma nodded, taking it in.
Evie smiled, pulling out her phone as she started to look up information about the dogs. However, before she could get very far, she suddenly felt a painful pinch on her behind.
"OW!" Evie cried, jumping and latching onto Mal quickly. Mal stumbled a bit with the force of Evie's push and she brought her hands up to steady the bluenette.
"Something bit me! Mal, it bit me! Do you think it was a snake? What if it was a snake?! Mal, it bit me on the butt, which is really rude! I'm a lady! It should've bit me on the foot," Evie screeched and Mal held her arms firmly as she took in Evie's loud yelling.
"Uh, E? You think it was that thing right behind you?" Mal suggested, pointing to the rear of Evie. Evie turned her head and spotted a goose standing there. It honked loudly before starting off in the other direction. Audrey had given the thing a wide berth, and Uma looked between the princess and the goose curiously.
"Oh, that little turd-bird!" Evie cried, her brow furrowed angrily as she glared at the creature skittling away.
"That's just Elmer. He always bites my wife on the behind. It's his way of saying he likes you," George reassured with a smile and a barely concealed laugh. Evie kept her eyes on the goose's retreating form firmly before turning her head to return to the conversation.
"Well, let's say you girls come in, get something nice and hot in your bellies. You're probably pretty hungry after that drive," Anne kindly invited them in, and all the girls shared relieved glances as they entered the house to eat their dinner.
Later that night, the girls had retired to their loft in the top of the barn, and Audrey was fussing incessantly. Everyone else had already settled into their sleeping bags comfortably. Uma was lounged back, reading about Great Pyrenees, and Mal was texting Ben to let him know that they arrived safely. She didn't bother sharing about the part that Evie had been bitten on the butt and that Mal herself was terrified of the seemingly docile farm dogs. Mal really wasn't sure if she trusted them entirely yet.
Evie was lying in her sleeping bag, and Mal was sure that she was thinking hard about her butt bite. Jane had already started to doze off.
"Seriously! This place is a real fixer-upper!" Audrey cried, blowing hard at the dust on the windowsill. It blew up in her face, and Audrey coughed hard, waving the giant cloud away from her face.
"This is preposterous! I am a princess, Mal's the Queen, Evie's the Royal Advisor, Uma's the Captain of the Guard, and Jane is the sole inheritor of the Fairy Godmother's wand! We are better than this!" Audrey proclaimed emphatically, and Uma rolled her eyes, turning her phone off as she got comfortable in her spot.
"Would you just get in your bag and go pudding-pudding? And turn off that lamp," Uma commanded, and Audrey grumbled under her breath about how no one understood or cared enough about her plight, but she did comply with Uma's request and turn out the light before coming to her sleeping bag, crawling in begrudgingly.
Everyone was aligned in a weird triangle. Uma and Audrey were on one side, Jane was on the opposite side of the window, and Mal and Evie were across from Uma and Audrey.
Mal put away her phone, and snuggled deeper into the sleeping bag, placing her arms behind her back as moonlight pouring in from the window illuminated the room.
Mal heard rustling in the sleeping bag nearby, and she glanced to the side to see that Evie was scooting over nearer to her. Evie only stopped moving when her bag was touching Mal's. The bluenette then sunk into her sleeping bag, lying on her side to face her best friend.
Evie smiled lovingly at the faerie, and Mal returned it softly. Evie withdrew her hand from her sleeping bag, and Mal was quick to reach her hand over to take Evie's.
"You excited for our first real day out here?" Evie asked, and Mal sighed softly, pursing her lips as she considered the question.
"Yeah. I am."
"Good."
"After all, what could really happen to us on a farm?"
A/N: Mal, don't ever ask that. Honestly, it's like you're a glutton for punishment. XD Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Poor Evie getting bit on the butt by a goose, and poor Mal's terrified of dogs. Is Audrey scared of geese? And is Uma growing a bit attached the puppy? Hmm… Things will definitely get interesting…