I make it a personal policy to try my hardest not to judge other people, given how much of an absolute mess I am in almost every aspect of my own life. That being said, from the second I laid eyes on Shiv, I felt nothing but contempt for the man. Everything about his appearance rubbed me the wrong way at first sight, and it honestly still does, even though the day ended better than it began. Be that as it may, my new associate looks every bit the part of "pretentious douche" to the point where I suspect he must be doing it intentionally. I understand that some of it isn't exactly his fault, but his every facial expression, physical feature, article of clothing, and even his faunus trait blend together into a perfect, bitter cocktail of smugness, superiority, and irritation.
To begin, Shiv Lazuli is a mink faunus, which is an animal trait I personally have never seen. I get the feeling that sentiment holds true for most people, and I'm also quite sure that Shiv likes it that way. Perhaps even more odd is the fact that his specific trait is that of mink fur, which gives him the natural look of always having an expensive accessory literally growing from his body. A tight line of fine, white fur forms a ring around his neck and travels downward to end in two matching, tapered lines just below his collarbone. From the sides of his neck, the fur continues outward along his shoulders and ends in similar lines down his arms, which end just above the elbows. As for his back, the fur wraps down around the shoulder, and travels all the way down his back in a thinning triangle, to end just above his waistline.
The entire display is topped off by a thin line of fur traveling from beneath his navel down into his pants. I don't even want to know what's going on anywhere lower, and I count my lucky stars that he at least has the decency to wear full-length, black pants. Naturally, he doesn't seem to like wearing a shirt, likely because he wouldn't be able to show off his apparent "treasure trail" with one on. To be fair, living in the Vacuan desert with natural patches of fur, no matter how light and thin, must be difficult and uncomfortable. I suppose I really can't blame him too much for forgoing such a critical garment, but between Shiv and Sun, I'm getting a little tired of every other man in my life putting me to shame with their physique. I wouldn't say I'm fat by any means, but I also wouldn't say that I'm as sculpted as Sun, or as lithe and sleek as Shiv.
To accentuate whatever look Shiv thinks he's going for, he wears baby blue fingerless gloves to match the streaks in his chin-length, otherwise snow-white hair. He also sports a bandolier of dust cartridges slung diagonally across his chest, and wears a black and silver half-mask. The odd, spiky shape rests around his left eye, and helps to draw out its vivid golden color. All in all, he looks to be from an entirely different social class than most of the other students at Shade, who wear functional loose robes, wraps, or nearly nothing at all. Shiv is very easy to find in a crowd, and his slim, almost worryingly thin build only makes it easier. Much to my frustration, Cin seems to absolutely adore everything about him, his look included.
As she introduced me to her long-time friend, I couldn't help but notice that she ran a hand along the line of fur coating his shoulder, and then followed the hairs down to his elbow before squeezing his arm. Normally, I would think nothing of it, but Cin has been on my mind far more than I would like lately, and she repeated similar gestures throughout our stay within the man's dorm. On the subject of the dorm, the room, which I was told will soon become an additional base of operations for our "team" outside of Cin's home, is set up like a studio apartment meant for a single person. At first, I was confused as to how Shiv managed to get a room all to himself, and I made the mistake of asking him. One condescending chuckle that made me want to throttle him later, and I received a full, and admittedly interesting lesson on how Shade Academy is different from other schools for hunters.
I had never really paid attention to any Academies at all, because I knew that I could never afford to go to one, and especially not after the incident that brought me back to the desert. That being said, I was under the impression that all Academies formed students into teams of four, and those teams largely lived and fought together throughout their time at the schools. Apparently, Shade Academy is the exception- according to Shiv, students stand on their own, and are given individual dorms. Hunters in training are encouraged to form and break "teams" as they see fit, and that includes inviting outsiders to join them on hunts and jobs posted around Shade proper. Shiv has run several jobs together with Cin, and our transport assignment was one that he gave to her while he was busy with other things.
I still do not know what Cin brought to Shiv, and I have a bad feeling that I'm not going to find out for a while. I feel as though Cin isn't going to tell me, and in order to get the information from Shiv, I would need to get closer to him. At first, I wanted nothing less in the world. As time wore on throughout the day, though, the flow of events took an abrupt turn for the better, and I began to get over Shiv's appearance. Now, at the end of the night, as I'm out on the porch and writing this entry through a slight, lingering haze, I think I might even be able to call Shiv a friend.
It all started when he suggested that we return to Cin's place together, to discuss potential next steps. I agreed to the idea, and he offered to meet us there within the following hour, and bring along some food or drink. I jokingly suggested that he bring sake, as I felt that I could use a drink, however impossible to find and illegal the entire notion would have been. He simply nodded, and said he would get it done. I had no idea how to respond to that, and Cin simply suggested we make our way back to her home. She called Sun on the walk back, and she and I went to the market ring to pick up a few food items that the boy asked for in order to cook for all of us. I offered to pay for the lot, and Cin was all too happy to accept the notion. I want to say I don't know why I did it, but I know exactly why. At this point, I think the whole world does.
While we browsed the bazaar for the listed items, I decided to make small talk with Cin. We spoke largely about the Academy and its policies, before the conversation slowly wound back to Shiv, which was exactly where I didn't want it to go. Cin asked what I thought of him, and I said that he seemed nice enough, helpful, and intriguing.
I left out the fact that I think he looks and speaks like a self-important, narcissistic ass, and his obvious Atlesian accent causes a vein in my forehead to throb. Come to think of it- Cin does also have a slight Atlesian accent, but it seems to come and go, and on a woman, it's quite attractive.
Regardless, Cin seemed pleased with my answer, and I was pleased with her smile. It seems to be coming around more and more often lately, and the high I get from it still hasn't faded at all. What did fade was my own smile, when I asked her how she and Shiv met, and she told me that they grew up a block away from each other in Lower Atlas.
I never expected to make a serious, life-changing decision while in the middle of haggling with a strange and unfamiliar man for a tomato. I knew then and there, while we were away from Sun and any members of the caravan, that it may be my only chance to call her out on her past. I brought up the fact that Sun said she had supposedly grown up as a nomad in Vacuo, and eventually become a package runner. It was then that Cin's smile turned to something far more serious and grave. She told me that I, of all people, should know that sometimes, telling those closest to you the entire truth just isn't an option, even if they deserve it.
I was too scared to ask what she meant, and I'm still terrified by the notion that she might know something about me. I don't know if she's always known something about me, if she somehow got hold of this journal while I was otherwise occupied or asleep, or if she was merely toying with me, but I don't like any of those options. There is, of course, one other possibility- perhaps she was simply talking about the way I'm beginning to feel about her, and the fact that I'm far too much of an absolute coward to say anything about it.
Cinnamon Shoal isn't just keeping her cards close to her chest anymore- I get the feeling she and I are playing two entirely different games. I'm playing Hearts, and she's playing… I don't know many card games, and none of the ones coming to mind accurately describe the way I feel about how she's approaching "us". Poker could have sexual connotations, and there's no way either of us is playing that, so just pretend that I managed to finish this poetic metaphor with something fitting, instead of dropping the ball yet again. I would appreciate it.
The walk back to Cin's home was excruciatingly awkward, and equally silent. Cin seemed quite fine, but I felt like I was dying inside. There was so much that I wanted to say, but I couldn't manage to get any of the words out of my throat. Eventually, we reached the adobe once again, and made our way inside to find Sun in the kitchen cooking up a storm. The boy has some serious culinary skills, and he had no problem holding a conversation with the two of us while attending to several pieces of cookware at the same time. Friendly reminder- it took me more than two attempts to decently roast a marshmallow. Hanging around with all of these incredibly attractive people is beginning to make me feel inadequate in ways that I've only dabbled in, previously.
I'm going to find myself a box of donuts and fuzzy slippers tomorrow, and spend the day lazing about in self-pity. Or at least, that's what I want to do. I somehow doubt it's actually an option.
Shiv arrived within the hour, and brought with him several bottles, including one of sake. I will admit, if I was at all attracted to men, I think I might have kissed him then and there, despite all of my hang-ups. Predictably, he simply gave a cool "I have my ways" when I asked him how he found such an exotic drink all the way out here in the sands. I was too relieved and excited to see the bottle to let his cocky smirk get to me, and so, I simply left it alone and helped set the table.
Sun finished his cooking in rather short order, and before long, the four of us were sat around a table in the downstairs dining room, lost in natural, casual conversation as the drinks flowed and spiced meats, bread dishes, and vegetables were passed around liberally. If I am honest, I cannot believe how easily and freely the night progressed, and I can barely remember most of what was said. Part of that is because I was too busy simply enjoying the company of what I suppose is now my "team".
The other part of that is the fact that I am still fairly tipsy. I'm used to drinking alone, stopping early, and using alcohol as an aid for wallowing in despair. As it turns out, drinking with friends is far more fun, even if Sun refused to join in. Given his age, I can't really fault him for it, but I doubt that most middling teens would have repeatedly turned the three of us down as the night went on. His loss, I suppose. Drinking with Cin and Shiv led to more than a few laughs, and it also led to a rather soft, tingly kiss on the cheek as we all got up from the table, before she told me she was off to draw a bath.
I really could have done without Shiv suggesting that I go and join her after Cin made it out of earshot, partially because I was just drunk enough at the time to consider it, and partially because Sun turned a shade of red that I didn't know flesh could reach. Regardless, I'm getting ahead of myself, out of excitement- there was one other thing that happened at dinner that's worth noting, potentially even more so than the softness of Cin's lips.
Midway, or somewhere thereabouts through the meal, Shiv began to tell us about a few high-paying, four-man jobs that had recently become available to students of Shade Academy and wandering mercenaries alike. Apparently such postings are difficult to secure, as there is typically a race of students trying to form parties of four capable of working together to go after the rewards, and that results in a mad dash to be the first to sign up. Shiv offered Cin his scroll from across the table, and she zeroed in on a posting almost immediately. Somehow, in what I honestly don't believe is simply coincidence, she found us a job post from Harold's Folly, and hovered her finger over the screen while giving me a pointed look. She asked if I was "in". I agreed that I would be, and so, her finger descended, and I became a member of what we've decided to call Team SAWS. Shiv appointed himself as the first "S", because of course he did.
While I am hesitantly excited to go home and deal with the sand worm that is apparently getting too close to the settlement for comfort, I'm also nervous about the implications. I need to confront Cin, and I need to do it soon, and privately. Shiv doesn't need to be involved in what's quickly becoming a very personal game of chess, and Sun absolutely cannot know of any of this. He's just an innocent kid, and one that I very much don't want to upset. The fact that he's taking time off from his "job" at the orphanage just to help us out speaks volumes about him, and I really don't want this to get ugly for him. I'd also like to get to know him, and yes, even Shiv, better. Causing an explosion with Cin would make that rather difficult, in addition to wrecking me internally.
Apparently, we're using one of the vehicles from the previous transport caravan to get to our destination. I still don't know if those are Fang vehicles, but I'm going to find out as soon as possible. I'm going to get the truth from her, about everything, tomorrow night. I'll wait until we stop and make camp, and invite her out to make a campfire somewhere outside of eavesdropping distance. If the truth isn't to my liking, then I'll make a decision about what to do. For now, though, I'm going to go and wait for her in bed.
Maybe I can at least get another kiss before everything goes sideways. Maybe even a real one.
Author's Note:
Time for things to heat up, in more ways than one. Planning for another update next Thursday, since things are getting too serious to let this go and update something else.
-RD