"Hey, M, my, um… My butt is sore," Evie whispered to her best friend as they rode up to the cow gate. Mal just nodded in response, already identifying the uncomfortable feeling with her own behind.
They hadn't managed to find any more cows having babies, which Mal was particularly thankful for, and they had eventually rode back. It had been about three hours solid of riding, not to mention their stop to birth the calf. Mal could completely understand Evie's problem with her sore behind.
They stopped at the horse fence, and George dismounted his horse, smiling at all of them.
"Good job, girls," George praised, and they all grinned happily albeit tiredly.
"You girls go ahead and leave the horses here, and I'll fix them up."
"Are you sure you don't need help?" Audrey offered, and George waved her away good-naturedly.
"Naw, I'm not an old man yet, now. 'Sides, Anne told me that she wanted y'all to go out to the goats and tend them," George informed them, and Evie glanced at Mal curiously.
"I didn't know you guys had goats," Evie spoke, tilting her head slightly, and George nodded.
"Yeah, they're off that way. Kind of secluded around back," George gestured in a vague direction, and Evie looked at Mal, excited to see some real goats. After all, she had seen how adorable they were on videos online.
They all dismounted their horses and as soon as Evie hit the ground, her legs were spread far apart, her behind much too sore to bring them together in a normal position. Audrey seemed to not be experiencing any discomfort and Jane was in pain only a little. Uma and Mal, however, were almost as bad off as Evie, but they handled it much better, forcing themselves to stand straight and as normal as possible.
However, only a few moments after Uma was off of the horse, she walked away quickly to escape the horse, shortly thereafter leaning against the fence as she reveled in the feeling of her pained butt.
George headed inside of the barn, leading his horse, and the girls stood there for a moment as they waited for Mal, Uma, and Evie's rears to stop hurting enough to walk to the goat pen.
Mal and Uma finally decided they were ready, but Evie was still standing there, her legs spread apart as she looked at them all.
"Evie, you ready?" Mal questioned, and Evie nodded with a grin that was much too big to be genuine.
"Yeah, definitely," she informed them, and they all headed past her, slowly making their way to the goats. Evie carefully turned around, waddling behind them as she made sure her legs didn't close the gap between them.
Mal and Uma looked back at her and shared a glance. They turned back and walked over to her.
"Is there anything we can do to help you?" Mal offered, and Evie smiled at the both of them somewhat awkwardly.
"Well… Uma, if you could get on one side and grab, and, M, you get on the other side and grab, and if you two would just drag me?"
They both looked at her, linking their arms in hers, and they dragged her behind Jane and Audrey mostly effortlessly.
"Thanks, girls," Evie expressed, smiling at the both of them with relief as they pulled her along.
Before long, they arrived on the other side of a thick bunch of trees, and they found a fence. Upon a closer look, there were goats all around inside of it. As they approached it, everyone jumped when Audrey suddenly squealed, her eyes aglow as she spotted a baby goat.
"It's so CUTE!" Audrey cried, hurrying over to the fence as she stared at the little thing.
However, her squeal must have scared the goats, and about half of them fell on the ground, frozen with their legs sticking straight up in the air. Uma stared at them for a minute as they rolled stiffly on their backs. They then slowly recovered, standing back up.
Uma looked at all of them, her lips trembling as she tried to resist the urge to laugh. But at the bewildered expression on Evie's face, she burst out into laughter.
"What the heck was that?!" Uma questioned, cackling as she gestured at the goats. She let go of Evie in favor of walking up to the fence to examine the creatures more closely.
Mal looked at Evie curiously, checking to ensure that the other girl was alright to stand on her own or perhaps start standing properly. Evie just nodded, and Mal let her go as Evie very slowly and very painfully worked her legs so that she was standing as she normally did.
"Are you okay?"
"I'll be fine," Evie assured her, her voice a bit strained as she spoke. They approached the fence behind Audrey, Uma, and Jane.
"It's absolutely the cutest thing!" Jane cried, just as enthralled by the goats as Audrey. Evie found them absolutely adorable as well, but she couldn't bend down just yet. Uma was still absorbed in and utterly mesmerized by the fact that they fell over and fainted. Mal thought they were cute, but she wasn't exceedingly fascinated with them like everyone else seemed to be.
"I want to make them little sweaters!" Evie cooed, eyeing the little goats as they played together.
"I want to make them all fall over," Uma finally spoke, and Evie shot her a disapproving glance.
However, before they got too far, Evie suddenly heard a telltale honk. Her eyes widened, and before she knew it a swift pinch was delivered to her behind.
"OW! You just had to do it, didn't you?! Get out of here!" Evie yelled, waving at the goose angrily, about to smack him, and he hurried away by Audrey, honking all the way.
Audrey's eyes widened as she suddenly felt its beak touch her behind. It wasn't a bite, but it had certainly done something. Audrey, remembering that she had brought her sunglasses, reached in her back pocket, and started feeling around for them. She held back the gasp as she turned toward the escaping goose.
Sure enough, he had her one of a kind, designer sunglasses in his mouth. Audrey's mouth fell open, but she knew she couldn't say anything because she'd be picked on terribly for being pickpocketed by a goose. She'd have to find him and her sunglasses later, much to her chagrin. She hesitantly knelt down, returning to her examination of the baby goats as her sunglasses situation weighed heavily upon her mind.
"You might want to take that as a message, E. Maybe you need to start sucking that thing in a little more so it doesn't look like a target," Mal commented with a barely held back laugh.
"It is the perfect butt," Evie informed her haughtily, and Uma raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, like get blinkers and a tag kind of perfect," Uma commented, and her and Mal both laughed at Evie. Evie crossed her arms over her chest, unimpressed with their sense of humor. Mal hugged Evie with one arm, and Evie begrudgingly returned the affection.
After a moment, Uma went in the fence, going to look at all of the goats more closely, and the other girls shared a glance before following her inside. Audrey immediately bent down with Jane, trying to get the little goats to come near them so they could pet the little animals.
"Is that a compost pile?" Evie asked, and Mal followed her gaze. There was an enormous pile of waste and dirt over nearby the edge of the fence, and Mal shrugged.
"I guess. I really don't know what one looks like," Mal replied with a slight chuckle.
Uma snuck up behind a larger goat, excitedly anticipating its reaction to her scaring. She crept quietly, not making a single sound until she was right behind it.
"BOO!" Uma yelled, and sure enough, it didn't disappoint. Actually, it did more than Uma expected. It jumped forward, totally freaking out as it made noise. It then fell over, legs stuck straight in the air. Uma laughed hard, placing a hand on a nearby fence post as she fully enjoyed it.
"They look just like Evie when she gets scared," Uma cackled, pointing at the bluenette. Evie rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest as she attempted to eye Uma in an expression of her unappreciative emotion surrounding Uma's treatment of the goat.
"Uma, you need to behave. Those poor goats obviously can't take that kind of stress," Evie scolded, and Uma rolled her eyes as she sobered. However, she kept that same smile on her face as she surveyed the group of creatures, no doubt selecting her next target.
"Come on, it's harmless," Uma assured her and Evie shook her head, unwilling to admit that there was any humor in it.
"It's like cow-tipping, except with a goat," Uma explained, and Evie just sighed as she started to look for the goat food.
Audrey was bent down and holding a baby goat as she stroked its fur. Jane was petting it as well, mesmerized by the little creature that had so much energy.
Mal watched as Uma scared yet another goat. However, the pirate looked slightly less amused this time.
"Huh. That one didn't have near the reaction that the other one did," Uma commented, and Mal snorted as Uma started to creep behind the goat she had scared just a moment ago.
The goat once again reacted just as crazily as it had earlier, and Uma fell into wholehearted laughter as she watched the creature get back up slowly.
"I have never seen such a simultaneously compassionate and cruel person," Evie acknowledged, and Uma offered her a two-fingered salute before startling another goat.
However, before she was through, she ended up scaring that same big, hairy goat. It looked at her strangely when it stood back up and it started toward her, its horns lowered as it tried to headbutt her.
Uma rolled her eyes and shooed it away.
"Go on now. My butt's too sore to be playing your game," Uma told it, holding it back with her boot. It didn't really pursue her any further, and it could have pushed past her foot, but it turned around instead with one last resentful look thrown in her direction.
Evie finally found the food, and she grabbed the bag in her arms, struggling to carry it as she headed toward their trough. Mal hurried over to help her, and between the both of them, they had the trough filled in no time. They took the food back to its proper place as all of the goats ran over to eat.
Uma snorted as she allowed her subjects to leave for a moment. She strolled over to the compost pile, looking at it closer.
"So, what's this used for?" Uma asked, wrinkling her nose at the smell of it. Mal once again shrugged, having no idea, and Audrey and Jane were too absorbed in goat babies to respond properly. Evie, on the other hand, jumped at the opportunity and started to explain exactly what compost piles are used for and what is in them.
"Compost piles are commonly used to fertilize gardens and cultivate earthworms to be used for a variety of purposes such as fishing or feeding to chickens," Evie started, and Mal was immediately reminded of Evie's oral essay back at Auradon Prep that was concentrated upon Earth science.
"Okay… I am truly sorry despite the fact that I did ask for that. Now, let me ask you my next question that hopefully won't end up with such a long, complicated, Evie kind of answer: what is in it?" Uma questioned somewhat worriedly as she really hoped that Evie wouldn't reply with one of her typical responses that sounded like a boring, one-hundred-year-old teacher prattling on about who knows what. She kept her eyes on the compost pile as she tried to figure out what was in it.
"Well, there's several components that can make up a compost pile. There's leftover food," Evie started, and Mal watched as the goat that Uma had so terrorized raised its head up and was looking at the pirate with interest, "there's obviously soil," the goat started away from the trough as it got behind Uma some distance away, "and well, there's the definitely more embarrassing and more disgusting aspects that include animal-"
Mal watched as the goat took off toward Uma, its head bowed as it charged with its horns angled straight for her behind. Evie stopped in her commentary and they watched as Uma raised her head up.
"Why'd you stop- AAAHHH!" Uma yelled as she was stabbed in her saddle-sore behind and went flying into the compost pile face first, her hands catching her before her face landed in it.
The goat cried out at her before happily trotting over to finish its lunch, and all of the other girls laughed heartily at Uma's expense. Mal was greatly enjoying the goat's revenge and she mentally congratulated the creature for catching Uma off-guard. Evie was snorting in the midst of her mirth and Audrey had a hand covering her mouth as she stared and giggled. Jane was just gaping as she giggled a bit with Audrey.
Uma was frozen for a moment, just totally baffled as she stared at her hands that were thickly submerged in the pile. Uma took a deep breath, closing her eyes before raising up ever so slowly, taking a hand and grabbing onto the fencepost as she pulled her knees and hand out of the moist dirt.
She turned to them all, and everyone grew somewhat quieter in their laughter. Evie giggled slightly as she opened her mouth to speak.
"No need to finish your list," Uma told her, and Evie shut her mouth quickly, wondering how Uma knew she was going to pick up where she left off.
"I already found out that the last ingredient of compost is kaka-poo," Uma informed her.
Everyone started to laugh even harder than they had before.
A/N: Uma certainly got what she deserved. Although, I will admit that it is humorous to see fainting goats pass out, but only when it's of their own accord. And poor Audrey and her sunglasses. I wonder how she's going to get them back… ;)
I hope you're all enjoying! :)