"Seriously, you guys, I feel better than ever before. I don't know what he gave me at the hospital, but I feel like Wonder Woman," Evie told them, practically bouncing as she got out of the car in a flourish.
Mal shared a somewhat bedraggled glance with Uma, wishing that the bluenette would shut up. Between her nervous breakdown about the shot and her painkillers- that were obviously too strong, by the way- Evie hadn't stopped talking since they got in the car. And she was talking when they got lunch at a fast food restaurant. And she was talking the whole way back.
And Mal honestly wasn't sure how much more she could take of this.
"It's a true miracle, you know. I could take on the world right now," Evie explained to them, but stepped a little too hard on her right foot and she winced hard.
"Well, maybe not the world. Let's settle for the nation," Evie amended, and she turned to Mal with a giant grin.
"We're all glad you're feeling better, but could you please not feel so good for about five seconds? I need to empty my ears after the overload of words that have went into them," Uma told the bubbly girl. Evie just smiled at her happily, staying silent for a moment and Mal heard Evie counting under her breath.
Mal rolled her eyes at Evie's ridiculousness, noticing that George and Anne were coming out of the farmhouse to see them.
"Oh, look! There're our favorite friends! How are you guys?!" Evie cried out to them, waving excitedly as they approached.
"You sure we couldn't get her jaw locked?" Uma asked, and Mal just elbowed her since the pirate hadn't used as much discretion as she had before, and Evie could possibly hear her. Of course, the elbowing was half-hearted, because by now, Mal was ready for Evie to shut up at all costs. She loved the girl, but good grief, she could be positively irritating with all of the incessant blabber.
Audrey came over to the other side of the car, her nostrils flared and her eyes having a positively crazed look to them. Ultimately, she seemed like she might start tearing her hair out at any moment.
"You ain't looking so good," Uma pointed out unhelpfully after a moment. Audrey's gaze snapped to Uma's own, and Uma looked a bit worried as the princess glared at her.
"I don't know if I'm going to make it for the rest of the day, much less the rest of this bet," Audrey proclaimed to Uma and Mal.
Even sweet, innocent Jane seemed like she had enough of Evie's yammering, her miserable face telling all that they needed to know.
"Hey, Anne! Hey, George! I lived to see today!" Evie called, and Mal resisted the urge to facepalm after Evie's statement.
"Good for you, dear," Anne replied as they grew closer, and Evie smiled widely as she clasped her hands in front of her.
"I didn't bleed out or get lockjaw and die! Gosh, imagine if I would've gotten lockjaw! I would have probably fell over and died just from not being able to talk! Can you imagine what a day that would have been?" Evie marveled aloud, a sparkle in her eye as she looked at the old people. They shrugged at her, nodding along as they realized that she was very obviously on some sort of painkiller.
"No, I could not imagine the beauty and the gloriousness of that day," Uma uttered in response, high enough for Mal and Audrey to hear but just low enough to keep Evie from overhearing it. Mal bumped the pirate with her shoulder in a scold, but she couldn't help but agree with Uma. Audrey nodded wholeheartedly in agreeance with Uma.
"M, thank you for not letting me die," Evie heartfeltly expressed, and Mal could see that look in her eyes that was so not Evie and so not present with them right now. Mal smiled at her, a bit strained as she walked over to the bluenette and the two old people.
"Evie got some pain medication and she's not quite herself," Mal explained to Anne and George. George shared a fond glance with Anne as they watched Evie just look around at the farm and grin widely.
"Yeah, I'm guessing she doesn't handle medication well?" George questioned, and Mal chuckled a bit as Evie strode over to the cows.
"Hey, M?! There's our baby cow!" Evie cried as she pointed out into the field. Mal leaned sideways as she tried to see past Evie and the tree nearby her out to the cows.
Sure enough, there was a calf out in the pasture, lying down next to its mother as it snoozed in the sun. Mal couldn't help but smile at the sight, and Uma, Audrey, and Jane hurried over to the fence to look with Evie.
"Y'know, she'll stop talking soon enough. When that pain medication wears off in a few, she'll be tons better," George informed them, and Mal nodded to him.
"I guess so. I kind of wish I could convince her to go to bed," Mal expressed with an awkward smile. They both laughed at her in enjoyment of her statement.
The three watched the girls as a white puppy came running over to the group. Uma immediately knelt down with her arms spread out as she let the puppy tackle her front. She allowed herself to fall on her behind as the puppy wagged all over and licked her chin as best as it could, her face angled up so it wouldn't put its tongue on her mouth.
"She's awfully fond of her, isn't she?" Anne pointed out, and Mal looked at her with an eyebrow raised.
"Which one?"
"Either way," Anne replied with a slight laugh as they watched Uma play with the puppy lovingly. Evie knelt down with her, and the puppy licked her face as well as it could. Evie just laughed almost drunkenly, allowing it to lick her cheeks and nose.
"They love each other a lot, don't they?" Mal acknowledged with a smile as she watched Uma light up over something in a manner that Mal had never seen her with anything else. Mal couldn't help but feel a deep sadness for Uma, absently wondering how it would be when Uma had to leave the poor puppy behind.
George just nodded in response as they looked at the four.
"Hey, there's a donkey in the yard!" Evie yelled, pointing to something that must have been blocked by Charlene. Mal, George, and Anne shared an odd glance as they rounded the edge of the car, and George immediately got a sour look on his face as his eyes rested upon a gray donkey there, pulling up his grass as it grazed.
"Dangit! I told Lester to keep his donkey where it belongs!" George growled, frustrated as he looked at the creature angrily. Mal tilted her head slightly as she eyed the creature. It was strange looking with its way too big ears. It was much smaller than a horse, but it sort of resembled one.
Evie came up to the donkey, looking it over as she smiled at it dopily. It barely spared her a glance as it continued chomping on George's lawn.
"Dang old Willis," George muttered as he headed off toward the horse stable, and Mal snorted at the name of the donkey. It was a little strange for an animal to be named that, but Mal guessed that out in the country, things were a little different.
However, Evie did name her car Charlene…
"Willis!" Evie cried, obviously hearing George's grumblings as she looked at the creature. Uma hesitantly approached Mal's side as she looked at the donkey, the puppy in her arms.
Mal didn't even have to look at Uma to know that the girl was scared of the creature. Uma's body language was much too stiff to be anything but completely uncomfortable with Willis.
"That's a heck of a name," Evie pointed out happily, and for the millionth time, Mal wished that the painkillers would wear off.
"Let me get a picture of you!" Evie smiled widely, pulling her phone from her pocket as she aimed it at the donkey. She snapped a picture quickly before texting someone on her phone.
"I sent it to Carlos!" Evie told Mal, a ridiculous look on her face as she gazed at Mal lovingly.
"Good for you," Mal replied, offering her a thumbs-up.
Just then, George returned with a rope halter and a rope lead for the donkey so that he could be taken back to the neighbor.
George, very irritated, moved to the front of the donkey and put on the halter, the donkey just standing stock-still as it refused to work with him. George finally pulled it on, and he eyed the creature, his jaw set, and Mal immediately knew that he wasn't in any shape to take the donkey back to the neighbor's house.
Somehow or another, Evie managed to catch onto this fact as well, and she turned to George, a somewhat silly look on her face.
"Where does Willis' owner live?" Evie inquired sweetly, and George pointed across the road gruffly. Evie nodded, taking the lead from him gently as she smiled.
He looked at her questioningly, and Uma really wished that Evie hadn't said anything to the old man. However, he did look like he was ready to punch his neighbor. It must have been an ongoing issue that just kept building in intensity until he was prepared to get physical with the other man now.
"We can take him over," Evie offered happily, and the old man looked at her strangely.
"Are you sure? He can be a bit of a… well, you know," the old man told her somewhat sheepishly as he scratched behind his neck. Evie just nodded goofily, assuring him that they could handle it.
The old man headed back for the house, Anne trying to calm him down, and Evie looked at the donkey kindly.
"Come on, Willis, let's go home," Evie told him, and started to pull at the lead, heading toward the house across the street.
However, his hooves were locked into the ground, and he wouldn't budge. Evie stopped abruptly as her arm was stretched in her attempts to pull him. Evie furrowed her brow but yanked a few times on the lead as she tried desperately to make him move.
Audrey and Jane by now had joined Uma and Mal in their watching of Evie, her foot in a bandage and a loose boot as she pulled with all of her might against the sturdy force of the donkey. Uma was almost laughing as she stroked the pup's head, and Audrey was even snorting somewhat. Mal raised an eyebrow at Evie as she heaved against the force of the donkey.
"C'mon, Willis!" Evie continued to coax, leaning all of her weight into the pull. If Evie's slight wince was anything to go by, Mal guessed that the painkiller's effects were starting to wane a bit.
Mal finally took pity on her sister, sharing a pointed glance with Uma. Uma just gazed at her with wide eyes, not wanting to participate in this endeavor at all. She was not prepared to tangle with another animal of the equine family.
Mal just stared at her for a moment, and Uma finally put the puppy down, following Mal and making sure that the faerie was between her and the donkey. Audrey and Jane approached carefully, but Audrey stopped the both of them at Evie's Jeep.
"Aren't we going to help them?" Jane questioned confusedly, and Audrey just watched Uma with an evil grin.
"No, we'll hang back here, I think. I have a feeling that Uma's about to get in over her head," Audrey informed the girl quietly as she chuckled under her breath, and Jane just looked at the other three worriedly.
Uma awkwardly stood off to the side of the donkey, trying not to look it in the eye or anywhere near there. Mal, however, walked right beside it and watched Evie straining.
"Mal! There you are! Do you think you could help me?" Evie questioned sweetly, a big grin on her face as she looked at Mal. Obviously not all of the painkiller had dissipated, but she was looking more like herself as she spoke.
"Yeah. Are you sure? You seem to be having such fun," Mal expressed with a barely held back laugh, and Evie just held onto the lead, allowing herself to hang backward by her arms.
"Yes, please. Go to the back and push," Evie instructed. Mal went around to the rear end of the creature, not liking her assignment but deciding that the creature wasn't in any hurry to move which reduced her likelihood of getting kicked.
Uma smiled, allowing herself to relax a bit in relief. Evie didn't seem to notice her so far, and she might could get out of this entire thing.
"And, Uma, can you pull the lead? I'm going to try getting on top of it to make it move," Evie informed the pirate, and Uma winced, knowing that she had been spotted. So, Uma very slowly and hesitantly approached the lead.
Evie gave it to her quickly, and she approached the side of the creature, trying her best to mount it bareback. Mal ended up having to push on her behind to help her climb up the creature. Once Evie was finally on its back, she smiled at the donkey, grabbing the short hair of its mane as she lightly kicked its sides.
"Okay, Willis. Mush!" Evie cried, and Mal stopped in her pushing of its behind to stare at the girl.
"Mush? That's sled dogs," Mal told her, and Evie's mouth made a little o as she realized her mistake.
"Okay. Hi-ho, Willis! Away!" Evie cried, making a pose like a real Western star. Mal stopped to see if the donkey seemed to be making any progress, but after realizing it hadn't budged, she rolled her eyes and kept pushing.
Uma, on the other hand, was trying to work up the courage to pull the lead.
"Uh… No hard feelings, okay?" Uma checked with the donkey, grinning widely in the midst of her nervousness, and the donkey didn't even look at her as he stood there completely sullen.
Uma then proceeded to yank hard on the lead, leaning her weight into it as she hauled. Mal was pushing on its behind with her shoulder, and Evie kept lightly kicking its sides in an attempt to spur it along.
"Hi-ho, Willis!" Evie called again, kicking its sides a bit harder in an attempt to garner some sort of reaction.
And a reaction they received.
Suddenly, there was this strange whistle building in the donkey's throat, and Uma stopped what she was doing to look at the creature.
"Look here, donkey, if you start whistling a little tune, then I'm afraid I'll have to-"
The donkey chose that moment to let loose with one of the loudest and most offensive noises that Uma had ever heard. All three of the girls jumped in surprise, their eyes wide as they stared at the creature. It brayed several times before finally quietening.
Audrey was nearby the Jeep just snorting as she took a picture of Uma's positively terrified face.
Uma looked at the creature for a moment, still on guard in case it decided to make that gosh-awful racket again. After a moment, she nodded slowly, finally deciding that it wasn't going to happen again.
"Okay… Don't do that again," Uma informed it firmly, and the donkey looked at her in a fleeting glance.
They all started heaving and pushing with all of their might.
However, before long, Mal picked up the most disgusting stench she had ever smelled.
"Oh, my gosh! What is that?!" Mal cried, covering her nose with her free hand as she leaned back against the donkey. She was still pushing, but with not quite as much force. Evie furrowed her brow, sniffing a few times before wrinkling her nose in disgust.
"That is horrible! It's worse than cow-giving-birth smell!" Mal cried, gagging as she pushed against the donkey.
"Uma? Did you do something I need to know about?" Mal questioned, and Evie looked at Uma questioningly.
"Oh, ho, you'd know if it was me. If it was me, you'd all be dead," Uma assured them as she yanked at the donkey's halter. Evie nodded emphatically in agreeance as she turned on Willis' back to look at Mal.
"It's true! She almost made me pass out the last time that she pooted," Evie told them, and Uma and Mal both froze as they considered her phrasing.
"What the heck was that?" Mal questioned, a laugh in her voice as Evie suddenly straightened and attempted to look more proper. Mal knew that Evie was definitely back to herself mostly now. There was no question simply because of how she phrased her sentence and how the bluenette was attempting to look so ladylike in that Evie way.
"I was trying to be a lady."
"Well, there ain't no ladylike way to say somebody cut the cheese, so just do like a normal person and say a fart," Uma told her, pulling on the donkey once again with a large heave. The creature didn't move, just standing there as still as it had been throughout this entire effort.
"Anyway, she nearly made me pass out, M! We were waiting for you to come to my place, and we were hanging out when she did it. I could have died," Evie dramatically described to Mal and Uma's eyes went wide as she considered Evie's narrative.
"Is that all it takes? Good grief, I can arrange a shutting up," Uma informed them, and Mal held out a hand in warning.
"No, please do not do that. I am not prepared to pass out," Mal informed the pirate, and Uma just grumbled, disappointed at having the one chance of making Evie shut up taken away from her.
Mal started to push hard against the donkey's behind once again, her hands around the donkey's tail as she tried to gain purchase, and Evie kicked its sides slightly to help along Mal's pushing.
However, after only a second, the creature's tail raised up and Mal's eyes widened as she realized that it was relieving itself.
"Woah, woah, woah!" Mal screeched, holding onto its tail tightly. At her sudden scream and the pulling on its tail, the donkey's ears laid back and it jumped forward, completely frightened.
Uma screamed immediately, almost falling on her face in her haste to run away as her hands were still wrapped around the lead. Evie lurched forward, her fingers threaded through the donkey's mane.
"Woah, woah, Willis! STOP!" Evie shrieked, and the donkey was even more afraid as Uma took off running through the yard. The lead was still in her hand, and in the midst of the donkey's pure fear, it followed her swiftly.
Mal flew forward, her knees landing in the fresh pile of dung, and she ended up on her front, lying on the ground in the grass. She looked up, completely dazed as she watched the donkey take off down the road. The animal was hot on Uma's tail as she ran for her life, casting back terrified glances. Evie was on top of the creature, screaming for somebody to help her and how the donkey took her entirely too seriously with her hi-ho-ing.
Audrey just smiled evilly as she videoed the entire thing.
"HELP! HELP ME! IT'S A WILD A-"
"LANGUAGE!" Evie reprimanded loudly in a scream as she held on for dear life, truly realizing just how much of a pain in the butt that the donkey was.
"I DON'T GIVE TWO FLIPPIN' POOPS! IT'S GONNA EAT ME! HELP! HELP ME!" Uma screamed at the top of her lungs, running down the road as fast as she could as she was completely unaware that she was still holding the lead and essentially guiding the donkey behind her, and Evie screamed along, clinging onto the donkey tightly. Mal let out a deep breath before getting up off of her knees and hurrying after them as well as she could considering that her knees were hurting and the breath was knocked out of her.
"Hee, hee, hee," Audrey chuckled under her breath, joyful that she had finally managed to get something to use against the pirate captain. And even better, she had managed to get Mal in it as well. Mal hadn't done anything to her, but it was still fun to use against her just in case.
"Are you sure we shouldn't help them?" Jane questioned, and Audrey shook her head slowly, her giant smile illuminating her entire face as she got the vengeance that she had so hoped for against the pirate.
"Nope."
And to top it all off, Uma's puppy was running after them all, barking as it chased and tried to help in the only way it knew how.
Yes, Audrey definitely got her vengeance.
A/N: Uma finally got what was coming to her. ;) Well, I don't feel too bad for her. She'll be okay. Probably stronger for it, lol. So, I must tell you all that there shall be some drama in the next chapter. All of our feelings begin to culminate in a boiling pot of dastardly emotion… Darn emotion. Always gets in the way. But I hope you guys enjoy it anyway. Even if the girls are a little dramatic.