An angel's warmth
Evening was settling over Zürich as Genji exited the small jet belonging to Overwatch's fleet. The activity at Kloten Airport was already quieting down, everything preparing to close for the night. It was one of the airports that had a night flight ban, exceptions requiring a special permission.
Before, the cyborg might have thought how pretty the city looked in the evening light. Now, however, he didn't feel a thing. Neither did he feel anything when an Overwatch chauffeur drove him through the streets that were becoming more and more familiar the more time he spent in HQ.
By the time they reached the massive complex, the sky was already turning a velvety, dark blue. After being dropped by the chauffeur in front of the entrance and bidding the man goodbye, Genji walked through the empty hallways to the living quarters where those stayed who had no own house or flat in a radius of several kilometers. Reaching his room, he dropped the single bag of luggage onto his bed, welcoming the silence. He really wasn't in the mood for talking right now. Especially not about what he had just returned back from.
He was required to report to Jack Morrison, leader of Overwatch, but only tomorrow. This evening was Genji's. But what to do? He wasn't tired; his transformation into a cyborg had caused him to need less sleep than before. Heck, the machine parts of his new body even prevented him from suffering jetlag – something he admittedly didn't miss.
Sitting down on the bed, he lifted a hand and stared at it. They were perfectly clean. Nonetheless, several hours later, they still felt as if they were sticky with blood. A sensation, that began to slowly being washed away by the dullness he felt inside. Yes, that was the word. He felt dull. Emotionless. Ice cold in body and mind.
Machine-like.
Through his apathy, Genji sensed a rising restlessness. His thoughts were such a blurry mess that it would have been deadly in combat. His mind told him that he shouldn't feel as bad as he did for what he had done. Not after what he had been taught. Not after what he had become. And yet his heart wasn't deterred from feeling the way it did.
Not knowing what better to do – not really wanting to do anything, to be honest – Genji left his room and strolled through the empty and only dimly lit hallways. It didn't take long for him to realize where his feet where carrying him. His heart must have known where he wanted, needed to go before his mind had. To the medical wing.
To the only person he truly trusted.
To the only person who had truly cared for him from the very start.
To the person who had saved his life.
Through the stripes of glass above the door, he saw that in her office light was still burning. After knocking, he waved his hand in front of the sensor that opened the sliding door.
And there she was. Sitting behind her desk, brooding over a pile of medical files, as she did so often, blonde hair framing her face and wearing a white doctor smock over a dark blue shirt.
Having heard him knock, she was already looking towards him when he stepped inside.
"Genji! You're back! I didn't even know."
The joy on her face when she saw him made something inside him grow a little warmer again. He realized that only now did he feel like he had truly arrived home.
Angela jumped up from her chair and came hurrying around the desk. Pulled him into a short, collegial embrace. Genji allowed it, because she was the one who saves his life.
"You should've told me", she gently chided him and looked him up and down.
"Hello, Dr. Ziegler."
That was the only answer he could bring himself to give. He didn't know what else to say.
His barely responsive reaction caused Angela's smile to vanish and the concerned doctor to appear.
"Genji? What's wrong? You're so quiet."
Of course her highly tuned instincts had picked up that something was off. Another possible reason why she was such a successful medic.
"I…"
The blonde Swiss interrupted him and shook her head. "If you're hesitating like that, you're clearly no yet read to talk about it. Take your time. And when you feel you're ready, you can tell me." She glanced at her wristwatch. "In the meantime, why don't we go for a walk? My legs could use some moving. And I think I should take a break anyways, or I won't hear the end of it how I overwork myself."
"That sounds… great."
The ice around his heart seemed to melt a little more. Angela was more than living up to her role as medic. Genji had rarely met anyone as caring and giving as Dr. Angela Ziegler.
They went to the small park in the center of the facility. Walked among the bushes and trees in silence. Others might start feeling uncomfortable being silent for so long, but not Genji. He was perfectly fine enjoying her silent company. And he felt that Angela felt exactly the same. There was a time for words, just not right now.
Genji let his thoughts roam. Tried to find the right words for what he wanted to tell her. She was a healer, not a warrior. He didn't know to which extent she might be able to understand him. And because of that, he wanted to try and explain it in a way she might understand at least a little.
Stopping a small pond, they gazed silently at the dark reflecting surface. Something about the quietly lying water gave Genji the final push to start talking.
"I killed them all", he began, then stopping, the words stuck in his throat.
Angela didn't say a word. Patiently waited for him to continue at his own pace. That patience which Angela possessed was something the cyborg highly appreciated in moments like this.
"I killed every single one of them", he finally continued. "And on one hand, I feel content. Relieved. But on the other hand, I feel so… empty." Genji turned his head and looked straight into her clear, blue eyes. "I feel so ice cold, Angela. Like a damn robot. A killing machine."
"Oh Genji."
There was no judgement in her eyes. Instead, she reached out and pulled him into an embrace, his cheek resting against her shoulder. I surprised the cyborg, but he let it happen.
"You are not a killing machine", she said, the words hitting straight at his heart. "You never were, and you will never be. You may be a warrior, but I can tell that you don't like killing. So don't ever again talk of yourself as if you were a heartless killing machine."
Genji closed his eyes. Those words… they were exactly what he needed, it seemed. Warmth rushed through him, chasing away more of the ice. And the warmth of her body also warmed him from outside. He let every fiber in his being relish in that sensation.
Angela Ziegler. That woman was something. Not just a healer of the body, but also always finding the right words to cheer one up. It seemed so easy how she managed to melt the ice around his heart. Made him feel human again.
A single tear ran down his cheek.
I am no machine.
Angela's words meant more to him than she probably realized. Despite it being on his own wish that he had been made into a cyborg, he had been plagued by doubts an aimlessness afterwards. An insecurity of who and what he was. That many others subconsciously viewed him as a robot after his operation didn't exactly help.
The blonde Swiss, however, had been kind to him from the start. And only now, at one of his lowest points, with his hands still red from the blood, he realized how much he appreciated that. Mercy indeed… her call name fit her perfectly.
"I'm telling myself that they deserved it", he muttered, compelled to this confession by her warmth. "They were terrible men. Still, I cannot help but feel bad about what I have done."
"And that is good. Because it shows that no mater what, you still have a human heart inside."
"A-Angela…"
By the kami. How much had Genji needed to hear this. Now there was no holding back anymore. More tears followed the first one.
"It's okay. Let it out", the blonde doctor said.
"Heh." Genji wrought a wry smile from himself, lifting away the last tear. "Iie, it's okay. I'm good now. Those have been tears of commotion anyways."
"Oh you!" Angela let go of him and gave him a playful pat against the shoulder. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to get my attention by acting all ill."
"Me? Never, tenshi-chan."
And it was with friendly banter that they continued their walk. And as they walked, Genji felt alive again for the first time in years. The cold inside his soul faded a little more.
The nickname he hadn't given her was no coincidence. For Angela truly was an angel. And this angel's warmth might yet save his shriveled soul.