I Can't Get you off my Mind (And Maybe I'm Crazy but its True)

Chapter Five: Tears and Alcohol

True to her word, Emma does seem content in waiting on Regina to make her decision. However, just because she's biding her time and waiting, it doesn't mean she doesn't have some fun teasing Regina while she does so. Carefully placed touches, standing too close to Regina, flirting with her, sending dirty texts that have the brunette blushing like a virgin, all done within the following week of their indiscretion. Fun for her, but annoying for Regina who tries hard to ignore this, but short of calling the cops on Emma, which she cannot do because Emma is her artist and a scandal like this before the show opening could cause a plummet in sells and in Regina's reputation, she cannot do anything but weather it.

It aggravates Regina to such a point at one time that she shoves Emma into a closet by the lapels of her coat and kisses her hard as they knock into a shelf, causing some papers to fall loose. Emma is so surprised she doesn't kiss back for a good second or two before she allows herself to be swept away by the kiss. Her hands grope Regina's ass through her gray dress and Regina kisses her harder for that until they are breathless and Emma's back will have indention's from the metal shelves. Only then does Regina pull her mouth away and kiss down Emma's neck in a ravenous manner, making the omega rear her hips up as a moan bubbles up from her mouth. Regina only grinds her hips into Emma's and the blonde feels a spark of pure lust between them, as she feels the hard bulge in between her thighs. She knows all to well how talented Regina is with her extra appendage and she shudders as she imagines herself taking all of it all over again.

"Stop. Teasing. Me," Regina makes out from between kisses, breathing heavily as she gets down to Emma's collarbone and then stops, cupping Emma's chin harshly with one hand and staring into Emma's lust blown sea green eyes. "Do you understand me? You're driving me crazy." And Regina means it. Somehow it's only gotten worse the intensity of her emotions. She cannot go a single night without dreaming of Emma and waking up to her whole body aching with desperation to have her.

"Good," Emma grunts out as their hips continue a slow rocking motion. "Maybe you'll stop being this stubborn and just fucking accept things as they are."

And because Regina wants to get even with Emma, she backs off, pulling down her dress so it won't ride up to her thighs. She leaves the flustered looking artist in the back room, frowning at being left high and dry.

The situation with Killian gets complicated for Emma. Regina decides to not file any charges against him, but does get a restraining order from the courts. She does feel terrible about causing Killian and Emma trouble in their relationship, but Emma was an adult, it had been her choice to do that on her heat. She could have let Killian take care of it, but she didn't. And if Regina allowed herself to feel bad about this, if she allowed herself to feel pity for Emma, then it would only make the mate bond between them stronger.

And if she was trying to avoid things, then it would do no good to think on them. All she had to do was finish the show and then Emma would no longer be her artist.

Yes, she just had to wait two more weeks, but those two weeks sounded like they would take an eternity to arrive.

Guilt ate up Emma. How could it not when she cheated on Killian. Killian who hadn't deserved to be treated this way. He had cared for her in his own way and tried to be the best he could for her, which apparently hadn't been enough for her because she had gone and fallen in love with Regina.

"How could you do this to me?" he snarled at her when he came back from jail. His eyes were dark and his shoulders tensed up with hatred.

She had never seen him look at her like this. All her shit was packed up. She was looking for a new place so she could leave this apartment. Leave the mess she had made here. Made of their relationship. And he had bought it; she figured he wouldn't want her staying here after she told him everything.

"I didn't chose to-"

"Oh, so it wasn't you who had fucked her? Who had slept with her? Was it your twin sister, or some clone or something?" he spat, now pacing in front of her.

"She's my mate."

Her words stopped him. "Your mate?" he looked revolted, disgusted, but also extremely hurt. "I thought I was your mate."

"I thought so too," Emma said sadly, fingers twiddling as she sat on their couch for the last time. "But you weren't. She was. And it's not like I choose her to be my mate. Biology chose it. And I fought so hard against being with her but...but it just wasn't enough. Both of us fought it."

"Why didn't you tell me anything?" now his tone is softer, as if trying to be understanding.

"Because I didn't want to worry you. I thought this would go away on it's own."

"Well, it clearly didn't!" He grit his teeth, though he was less angry than before. Mates...Emma being mates with Regina was a whole other ball park. Whole wars had begun and ended over true mates. He had played at being mates with Emma. They both had. But it was nothing in comparison to a true mate bond. One he hadn't found but could understand how tortuous it was.

If he had known, he would have never let Emma go to Mills gallery. It was selfish to hold Emma away from her true mate, but he loved Emma. And he didn't want to be alone. They had built too much together.

But...it was too late. He understood but he didn't have to hate it any less.

"Damn it all to hell!" he growled and punched the wall so hard he left a hole. Emma startled at the display but didn't say anything to it, guilt setting her lips into a straight line. "And damn you both to hell!"

She couldn't argue with that well deserved sentiment.

"Robin...I need to tell you something," Regina begins, nervously fiddling with her hands. It's not like her to be outwardly nervous, but this situation warrants it.

"Yea, what is it?" he asks casually, not knowing the extent of what she's going to say. Of how it will hurt him. In fact, he looks cheerful, happy to see what she will say. And that crushes her stomach even more painfully.

She sucks in a breath, decides to do it quick. "I've found my mate."

He doesn't know what to do with this information at first. He smiles, happy for her only to grow sad when he realizes what it means for them. For him. It's like watching the smile melt off his face and it becoming a mess of mean emotion. "You found your mate? I thought Daniel was your mate?"

Regina had thought he had been but looking back at how she felt for Emma she saw that he had never been one to her; just a first love, innocent and pure. She shook her head. "No, he wasn't my mate. I can see that now. Someone else is."

"Who?"

"I think it's best I don't tell you."

"And what now?" he's beginning to look panicked. She doesn't blame him.

"I...I can't be with you any longer," she says and her voice cracks because it hurts her to do this to him but she's tried. Tried to ignore the mating bond even though she knows they can't be ignored. Still, she tried for him. For Roland. For what they could have had. "I've tried. I really did. To fight this. To ignore it," she began to explain, voice thick with tears. "But I can't. This thing is stronger than me and you know how it is...how impossible it can be. It was driving me insane and I couldn't be faithful to you. So, I need to let you go. Because I don't deserve you."

His jaw wobbles and he swallows thickly. "And what of Roland? What of our house? You're going to just throw that all away?" Anger begins to enter his words; she doesn't blame him for this either.

"Do you think I want to?" she shot back, nails biting into the palms of her hands.

"Seems like it to me! Because you're giving up on us!"

"I'm not! I just have no other option. You've never met your mate so you don't know how this feels," she said. She knew this was a low blow, but he wasn't understanding how she had suffered and fought against losing him and she was going to lose him anyways.

His eyes flashed. "Not all of us can be this lucky."

"Oh trust me, it wasn't lucky I was feeling. I was content with what we had and then they came in and ruined it all for me."

"But you love them," he pointed out.

"Only because I have to. Only because biology made it this way," she responded with more quietly.

He scoffed. "Then I feel sorry for the two of you because despite being mates you really don't love each other."

Maybe Regina and Emma could actually manage to fall in love normally when the initial mating bond hormones lessened once they officially marked each other. They didn't know a lot about each other. Didn't even know if they would work as a couple, but such was nature that it did not care. They were mates and they could hate each other and still be mates.

But something told Regina that she could never hate Emma, and that once they were officially together, love would happen easily. However, she couldn't mention this to Robin. She didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had.

"I don't know...anymore," she confided, slumping her shoulders. She felt defeated. An empty shell of herself.

"But you...you did love me," he asked, suddenly sounding so vulnerable. His eyes were wet but he wasn't crying.

"I do Robin. I still do to this very moment. But I also love them." It was a regretful admission and Regina felt knives in her heart at having to say this. She knew she was crushing the only family she ever had. But she didn't deserve it. She cheated on him, and she knew she would again, all for Emma. Because she just couldn't control herself. She had tried for so long and it was despicable how easily she caved.

He seemed to consider something, panic in his eyes. "That's okay then," he said, coming up to her and holding her hands. "If you still love me, then maybe you can love both of us."

Her eyes widened in shock. "Robin, what are you suggesting?!"

"That you...that you stay with me," he suggested softly, desperately. "You can...you can be with them. I'll let you have an affair and-"

Regina jerked her hands out from his quickly. "Are you out of your mind!?" she roared out, now angry at him. "Why the hell would you be okay with that?"

He licked his lips, unsure as to why she was upset at him now. "Because I love you and I don't want to lose you. You're the best thing that's happened to me, and if you've fallen in love with someone else than it means I did something wrong."

Regina just stared at him in disbelief, pity now in her chest, extinguishing the anger she felt. "No, Robin, no," she whispered, cradling his cheek in her hand, looking into his perplexed and hurt eyes. "This isn't your fault. This is all on me." Regina had forgotten he had come out of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. He thought Regina's indiscretion was his fault. He thought he could get her to stay as long as he allowed an affair. "I don't want to cheat on you. But I have and I don't want to hurt you like that anymore."

Robin swallowed harshly. "I don't mind. I don't. I just can't bear to be alone." He placed his hand on the back of her's. "You are my rock, Regina. You saved me from my terrible sham of a marriage. And we can make this work, you can fix it all again."

She shook her head, not knowing what else to say to him to make him stop thinking this way. She would have preferred his anger over this.

"I...I need some air. I'm going outside," she said and turned on her heel. She grabbed her jacket and left, Robin watching her leave. She didn't come back home for five days, instead locking herself up in a hotel room, ignoring his concerned calls.

She was upset. Hurting. Emma had ruined this. They were both fine with not sleeping with each other. They had both been fighting it, and then Emma came in on her heat, knowing Regina couldn't resist her. Even now, mad as she was at Emma, Regina couldn't stop thinking about her.

She tensed her jaw. She had a lot to say to Emma and her confrontation with Robin only made her want to scream it in the blonde's face rather than hold it in. So she booked a ticket back to Boston.

She arrived on Emma's doorstep, not expecting Killian to open the door.

They both froze at the sight of each other. His eyes darkened and Regina stiffened. She had a restraining order against him and while he looked very much like he wanted to punch her, he was holding himself back.

"Where's Emma?" Regina asked. "I need to have a word with her."

"Only a word?" he raised his brows and on his breath she could smell alcohol. "You sure you don't want to fuck her instead?"

"Where is she?" Regina grit between clenched teeth. If he had done something to her, she would-!

"None of your business, love," he said mockingly. "What's done is done."

His words inspired the worst scenarios in her head. Emma hurt and bleeding in her room upstairs. Regina suddenly lunged at Killian, knocking him out of the doorway and pinning him against the wall. "I asked you, where the fuck is she?" she growled out low. "And I swear to god, you better not have put a hand on her or else I'll chop of your balls and feed them to you."

"Are you sure you shouldn't be the one with restraining order? You sound pretty psycho to me," he grunted out, wincing at the harsh collision of his head on the plaster.

"Tell me where she is," she growled, tightening her grip on his shirt.

He worked his jaw, giving her a dirty look. "She's not here," he admitted at last. "We broke up and she moved out."

Regina relaxed her hold on him. "Moved out where?"

"Fuck if I know. She didn't tell me anything."

Regina stepped back from him, realizing now she had acted most inappropriately. She was going to apologize to him but he spoke up. "Are you happy?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you happy having ruined my life?" he clarified.

"Of course not," she said. "I never meant for this to happen. I have a boyfriend too. And a family. And it's...it's ruined everything," her voice lowered here. She was ashamed to admit her pain and short comings to someone like him but she had to. It would lessen his pain to know she was suffering too. "This attraction is a curse."

"I'm glad your life is shit now. It's what happens when you do shit things. You ruined a six year relationship," he spat bitterly. "Emma might not have been my mate but I cared for her deeply. And what she did screwed me over. It's like she didn't even care about my feelings or anything." He sniffled, eyes red rimmed now as he struggled to hold back his emotions. "It's like as soon as she saw you she forgot all I ever did for her. Was I the best? No, not always. But I tried. I gave her so damn much. We've been through so much. And this is how she repays me? By literally fucking up?" He shook his head, swiping a hand over his eyes.

Regina didn't know what to say. She already felt like dirt and this was making her feel even worse.

"Just get out," he told her at last, in a defeated whisper. "I don't ever want to see you again."

She left quietly, closing the door on a sobbing man.

She doesn't find out where Emma lives, so she invites her to her office, so she can properly talk things through with Emma.

Emma appears looking bright and with a smirk on her face, thinking this was going to be something about work. It wasn't.

Regina gives her the most severe expression she can and Emma's smirk drops as she finally reads the atmosphere in the room and finds it ice cold.

"You broke up with Killian," Regina states, circling to the front of her desk and sitting on the lip of it, arms crossed over her chest. She looks down at Emma whose sitting in the seat in front of her, the blonde slightly confused and squirming uncomfortably in her seat.

"I did," Emma confirms. "I told you I was serious about you. Did you break up with Robin?"

Regina's jaw ticks as she tries to keep her tone cool. "I tried to. Only because I couldn't bear for him to have to suffer due to my indiscretion," she clarified, letting Emma know she was doing this for him and not for Emma. "But he didn't want to let me go."

"Oh," Emma comments. "What now?"

And that innocent question ticks something inside Regina and she's up on her feet, leaning in over the seat over Emma.

"I hate you!" Regina hissed out, getting in Emma's face. "You ruined everything I had with Robin! Why did you openly sabotage me like that?"

"I didn't mean to!" Emma explained loudly, body tightening defensively. "I fell into heat and I just couldn't think!"

"Killian was there! Why didn't you get him to take care of you!"

"Because I didn't want him. I wanted you."

"And that's the issue here, isn't it. You wanting me."

"Oh don't act so high and mighty. You were panting like a bitch in heat when you first saw me!"

Regina's head reared back this. The audacity! She felt like she had been slapped. Emma continued. "This thing runs both ways. If you didn't want me, you wouldn't have taken me on my heat. You would have turned me away. But you didn't. You're equally as guilty in this."

Regina doesn't speak for a long time, moving away to pace by her windows.

"Everything...everything is ruined. I don't even know if it'll ever get fixed," Regina complained, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Whether we like it or not, we don't have much of a choice, Regina. We're mates, so we'll have to end up together one way or another or else it'll actually drive us crazy. More crazy than we already are," Emma stated with a finality and rose from her seat. "I understand this is rough. For all of us. I blame myself largely for all this, because it was my heat, my body, my unconscious choice that lead to all this. But, I will not let such negative outcomes paint my opinion of you or of this relationship. It would be dumb to let something as rare as what we have slip through our hands. We both may not have wanted it at first, but I've changed my mind. Because I know these feelings won't ever go away. I could hate you with every atom of my being, and still be in love with you. It's sickening, what biology can do to one's mind, but this is our world," Emma said grimly. "And we either suffer into insanity or we allow ourselves to be happy."

With that grim declaration, she left.