Chapter 2 – Elsa's heart
Despite Elsa's initial shock about Anna's arrival, she was so overjoyed to see her sister again. She would always welcome the strawberry-blonde beauty with a smile on her face. However, her instant delight turned into worry as realization hit her that Anna had travelled this far all by herself. Something must be wrong, she thought.
Her fears further doubled as Anna maintained her silence. She brought her hand up to her sister's cheek, blue eyes searching intently. Anna's troubled expression was written all over her face that it pained Elsa to see her like this. What's wrong Anna?
"Elsa…" The blonde gave her sister her full attention as she watched her hand being clasped firmly. She then glanced back up to meet Anna's aquamarine orbs. They were swirling with emotions she could not clearly decipher. Something was definitely bothering Anna and Elsa did not like it. She wanted nothing but everlasting happiness for her sister. To see her this anxious and worried was enough torture for Elsa.
She brought her other hand on top of her sister's as she coaxed Anna to talk to her as if saying 'I'm here, Anna. I'm here for you. I'm listening.' She saw Anna glancing behind her before finally focusing on her. She saw her taking a deep breath before finally speaking.
"I want you to return to Arendelle with me."
It took her a few seconds too long to process what Anna had said. Her blue eyes widened by a fraction as she took it all in. In a flash, Anna looked so small and fragile and on the verge of tears with her silent response. Guilt started to creep her way as understanding had finally dawned on her. Anna needs me. Anna does need me. What kind of a sister am I? My sister needs me and I am not even there for her.
"Oh Anna…" Elsa quickly enveloped her in a fierce hug with Anna's chin now resting on the blonde's shoulder. She could feel Anna trembling in her embrace which further brought her in deep regret. In her selfishness to know more about her powers and her origins, she had apparently neglected her sister… again. "Forgive me, Anna…" she whispered softly as she caressed her hair.
"Forgive me for leaving you…"
Anna responded by hugging her tighter, hiccupping if only for a bit.
In her eagerness to uncover the sources of her powers and the secrets of the unknown, she had failed to realize what she had to sacrifice. Inadvertently, Anna had again significantly paid the price of her stupid choices. It was always Anna, her beloved sister, who had to bear the worst of the consequences of her decisions. When would she ever stop bringing pain and hardship to her sister? I'm sorry Anna.
At that moment, all Elsa could think of was Anna. Little did she realize that there was someone behind her who was now just as broken and in pain as Anna was. Honeymaren could do nothing but watch everything unfold before her very eyes. While the blonde did not offer a definitive response, she could feel that Elsa was slowly slipping away… from her. She blinked back those stubborn tears that threatened to fall on her face as she forced herself to feel happy for Elsa.
And yet she could not. It was all too much to bear. She knew she was already in too deep. The first time she had set her brown eyes on the blonde beauty, she knew that her heart was already captivated by the Ice Queen. Initially, she had tried to conceal all these emotions before it could even grow into something more conspicuous and intense. She knew that the Queen had the kingdom of Arendelle to run to. Elsa would certainly leave the Enchanted Forest at some point after seeking the answers she was looking for.
That fateful moment came and Elsa was slowly uncovering the secrets of her powers wrapped in its dark past. In that journey to the truth, the blonde was revealed to be the bridge between the magical and non-magical world, the fifth spirit uniting all the elemental spirits. Elsa was apparently a gift from the magic of nature with her mother's selfless actions.
Honeymaren suddenly felt a rush of hope and excitement as that truth dawned on her. Elsa was a half-Northuldran gifted with magical powers. Elsa was the fifth spirit. And she felt that Elsa more appropriately belonged in the magical forest than in a kingdom where her powers were feared and rejected. Nonetheless, despite all these facts, it would still be Elsa's choice in the end that would matter.
With the sins of the past corrected by Anna and Elsa and the safety of the kingdom of Arendelle secured, there was no reason to stay much longer in the Enchanted Forest. However, the brunette took her chances and invited Elsa to stay if she so wanted. It was a slim chance but still worth a shot.
Unexpectedly, the blonde beauty had accepted her invitation further reinforcing the feelings she had for the woman. During those first few days, Elsa was very elusive and aloof, trying to keep to herself and avoiding mingling with anyone. With her perseverance and sincere affection she had for Elsa, the latter slowly warmed up to her, breaking the ice barriers that had become the latter's defense mechanism. It was no surprise that the two had become close friends.
And it would only be a matter of time before the brunette would come out and confess to Elsa. She knew she had this connection with Elsa. Be it as friends or lovers, she knew there was this 'undeniable connection' that they shared together. Nonetheless, she had respected to blonde and never once did she force to take things further than what Elsa had to offer. She was already satisfied and happy with what they were at the moment but she would gladly take the opportunity to advance that relationship into something more when the time was right.
But now, the million dollar question that plagued the brunette's mind came with such force of a hundredfold – would there even be a right time to confess her feelings? Now that Anna came into picture? And with the possibility of Elsa leaving?
The reality slapped her harshly with a cold resounding 'NO'.
Truth be told, Honeymaren would only come second to Anna. She would always be nothing but the second best. There was no way she could beat Anna. Anna was the sister. She was just a stranger. Anna was the best friend. She was just an acquaintance. Anna was now the Queen. She was just an anonymous and unknown young woman. How could I compete with someone like her?
As her wild, unstable emotions got the better of her, she decided to silently leave and rest her wounded heart away from Elsa. Unbeknownst to her, her departure did not go unnoticed to a certain strawberry-blonde beauty and short, brown-haired guy.
"Perhaps, Your Highness, a good rest after such a long journey is preferable than already leaving for the night." Yelana, the leader of the Northuldran tribe, suggested in the midst of the murmurs. Suddenly, the tribe surrounding them slowly dissipated, offering good nights and sweet dreams before entering their own tents.
The two sisters broke their hug, offering sweet, loving smiles to each other. Anna was definitely relieved, wiping the little tears that had escaped her eyes. Elsa mirrored her, using her thumb to wash away those tears in her sister's eyes. Elsa then leaned her forehead to rest on Anna's, as if her sister was everything that mattered to her at that moment. Anna blushed deeply at such display of affection. They stayed like that for a few seconds before Elsa led her sister towards the Ice Tent that she had since built four months ago as they called it a night.
-x-
Once inside the Ice Tent, Anna couldn't help but still be amazed at her sister's magical prowess. Sure it wasn't as glamorous and extravagant as the Ice Castle she had built in the North Mountain. But darn! This place was still a wow!
"Wow Elsa, you never fail to amaze me!" Anna exclaimed as she let her aquamarine orbs roam around the Ice Tent. Everything was beautifully crafted with intricate designs from ice – the dining table, two lovely chairs and the comfortable-looking bed. Thousands of glittering snowflakes floated magically serving as illumination with its frozen fractals.
Elsa snorted as she sat on the edge of the bed. "And you, stinker, never fail to surprise me." She spoke amusingly as she patted the space next to her. Grinning, Anna complied and sat beside her sister, her two braids bouncing behind her back. Elsa adjusted herself then proceeded to unbraid her sister's hair. Anna sighed contentedly as she felt those long delicate hands weaving their way through her hair, almost tickling her in the process.
The long journey that she had taken earlier was now slowly taking its toll on her as her eyelids turned heavy. The soft humming escaping Elsa's lips wasn't helping either to remove her drowsiness. Nonetheless, it was all worth it if it meant being with Elsa, if it meant spending time with Elsa, if it meant holding Elsa in her arms.
Soon, Anna's wavy hair was completely unbraided and Elsa was running her hands along her sister's long mane, removing the tangles away. It was soothing Anna to feel Elsa this close, to hear her steady breathing, the feel the blonde's breath caressing her nape in an alluring sort of way.
Being with Elsa made Anna reminisced their lonely past. Anna deeply wished she could turn back those wasted times that she and her sister were apart when they were kids up until they grew up. They could have been much closer than ever. They could have spent wonderful times together, celebrated significant events having each other. They could have ended their sleepless nights talking about everything and nothing at the same time. There were so much things that they could have done together and it would still never be enough for Anna.
Anna always wanted more of Elsa. She wished to always be with Elsa. Despite Elsa's magical abilities which were dreaded by almost everyone, it was Anna who had completely accepted Elsa for who she was. During those terrifying moments where Elsa's powers were revealed, Anna was the only person to see the real Elsa. While everyone was ready to abandon their Queen, Anna completely trusted her sister. She never gave up. She fought hard for Elsa. No matter what others had to say about her sister, Anna remained faithful and loyal to Elsa. It was because she believed in Elsa more than anyone or anything.
Sure, there was never a dull moment with Elsa around but she could face whatever troubles and challenges that came along their way as long as she had her blonde sister. She would even gladly face death head on if it meant saving Elsa, if it meant protecting Elsa. It was because Elsa was Anna's strength.
But Elsa was also Anna's weakness. When her sister finally decided to live in the Enchanted Forest, she thought she could bear a life without Elsa by her side… again. She thought she could pretend to be happy and act like everything was okay. She thought that visiting Elsa every so often would be enough to alleviate the loneliness and the emptiness that she was feeling. But it was never enough.
Unknowingly, Anna's life had completely revolved around Elsa. Unexpectedly, Anna's heart had always yearned for Elsa. Unconsciously, Anna's entire being wholeheartedly loved everything about Elsa.
Anna took a deep breath as she closed her eyes, enjoying her sister's warmth and presence. It felt good to be around Elsa. No, it actually felt perfect to be with Elsa.
Sensing her sister's fatigue, Elsa slowly guided the sleepyhead towards the center of the bed where she let Anna rest her head on her shoulder. She hugged her closer to her heart as she watched the freckled beauty comfortably snuggling her. She brushed away the stray strands of hair, tucking it behind Anna's ear. She then brought her pinky finger in the middle of her sister's forehead running it down in between her eyes, repeating it in a hypnotic sort of way.
"I know what you're doing." Anna slurred.
Elsa smiled. "Rest sleepyhead." Her hand continued its hypnotic actions as she started singing the lullaby that their mother taught them. Anna visibly relaxed in her arms, sensing the slow, steady breathing of her sister. As the song ended, Elsa glanced at Anna to see her sleeping peacefully. She kissed her on the side of the head, a little too long than necessary before she slowly repositioned Anna on the bed.
As she did, Anna stirred gently but her eyes remained close. "Elsa?" Her drowsy voice sounded.
"Hmm?"
"I miss you." Anna spoke softly.
Elsa smiled. "I miss you more, Anna." She then kissed Anna on her forehead. "Now rest."
"Elsa?" Anna called again.
"Hmm?"
She curiously opened one eye as she peeked at her. "Can I say something crazy?"
Elsa's eyebrow raised in amusement as she watched her interestingly. Her lips curved upwards, awaiting. "Yes?"
"I love you. I really love you Elsa."
Elsa giggled softly. She wasn't sure if Anna was really awake or was sleep-talking but she found her so adorable. "And I love you more Anna." She then brought the comforter up to Anna's chin, effectively shielding her sister from the cold. "Goodnight Anna."
Anna responded with a light snore. Elsa lay beside her, happy and contented to be with her sister again. However, there was a nagging feeling inside her chest that would not go away. It was as if there was something important that she was missing but couldn't put her finger on it. For a while, she drowned herself to hearing and enjoying the calm breathing of her sister. Until she remembered why her heart was aching…
Honeymaren…
-x-
An hour had passed since everyone had taken refuge towards their home. Honeymaren had walked in the center of the village where they had played charades earlier. She could still imagine everything so clearly – the loud chants and cheers of her tribe, the offending boos shouted by Ryder and Tony, the timid voice belonging to Elsa as she shyly guessed the acts, the countdown timer looming in the background. Things were in shambles and they were on the verge of losing when a soft, elegant voice from the blonde broke through all the noise to correctly answer the charade. It was in that perfect moment that she hugged Elsa so tightly in her arms and gave her a tender kiss intended on the cheek.
However, she knew better. Even Elsa felt it. Yes, she was certain. In the briefest of that moment, in that short encounter, their lips touched if only on the corner of the blonde's mouth. It was short but sweet – a memory she would absolutely cherish. It was already picture perfect… until Anna came by. If only Anna's arrival did not ruin it, she thought remorsefully. She sighed loudly as she sat on the bench log situated around the campfire.
"Still awake, I see?" The familiar voice broke through the quietness of the night that Honeymaren jumped and almost fell out of the log.
"Gosh, you scared me Ryder!" The brunette exclaimed with her hand on her chest, apparently trying to calm her racing heart. Her brown-haired brother laughed before he settled himself beside the brunette. It was getting colder by the minute with the campfire being put out. So, Ryder lit it while Honeymaren contented herself to watching her brother.
Soon, fire started to burn bright as the flames slowly licked the woods. For a while, the two watched the dancing flames in comfortable silence.
"Oh by the way, just so I don't break any rules, I'm telling you now. It's Anna." Ryder commented out of the blue. The slight twitch of the brunette's eyebrow did not go unnoticed to him as the name of the new Queen of Arendelle was mentioned. However quick the twitching of her eyebrow was, her expression was now composed and neutral.
"What do you mean?" She looked at him skeptically, her emotions now completely sealed in her mask-like face.
He smirked ever so smugly. "My secret crush." He responded.
No sooner had she grunted in disbelief than she raised her eyebrows. "Really!? Whoa, I never realized." She admitted.
"You definitely won't" Ryder paused knowingly. "…if your eyes are only set to see someone... special." He winked slyly.
She narrowed her eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about." She brushed him off point-blank.
"Oh come off it," He rolled his eyes as he rested his arm around her shoulder. "I'm more than your brother. I'm like your twin already, only we're a day apart. You don't have to hide from me. You're freaking obvious." He stated matter-of-factly.
Honeymaren was debating on whether she should confess to her brother or remain her silence. Stubborn as heck, she still denied it. "Obvious of what?"
"Really?" He was wide-eyed. "You want me to verbalize everything to you before you admit it to me?"
The young brunette simply huffed in response as she let her gaze fall on the now blazing flames across from her. In the far distance ahead, Elsa's Ice Tent stood magically, most probably together Anna, sleeping in each other's arms. Jealousy crept over her face at the thought.
"She's got you hard, huh?"
Sadly, she nodded her head. The whirlwind of emotions suddenly resurfaced in full force that tears slowly ran freely on her beautiful face. She closed her brown eyes wishing the pain in her chest would go away. She then brought her hand on her mouth as she tried to silence the whimper that wanted so badly to escape her lips. She was broken-hearted. Apparently, she drove on this one-way street of a relationship with no bailout. She dove headfirst without any life vest. She jumped instinctively and now she was falling… falling into the depths of despair.
Ryder watched her sibling cry her heart out as he brought her closer to him, effectively giving the brunette a one-armed hug. He let her rest her head on his broad shoulder as she freely let out her emotions. Tears were freely falling. Emotions were at high.
It took a moment before she finally recomposed herself and her silent cries now turned into sniffles. She looked at him gratefully as she brought her head up, away from his brother's wet shoulder.
"Thank you… Thank you Ryder." She murmured softly. "I didn't know I need that."
"You're my little sister. Anytime you need me, I'll always be there for you." He answered her affectionately as he scratched his cheek embarrassingly.
"I guess… that's really how sibling relationship works, huh? The bond between siblings is unbreakable. Nothing would be worth comparable." She admitted. "It was stupid of me to think that I can compete…" She let out a deep breath as she closed her tired brown eyes. "against her…against Anna."
"I don't understand." Ryder responded boldly.
Honeymaren forced her eyes open as she looked at him incredulously.
"I don't understand why you have to compare and compete." Ryder gently grabbed her by the shoulder, forcing her to face him squarely. His eyes shone with pure sincerity. "Anna is Anna. Honeymaren is Honeymaren." He spoke wisely. "You are yourself. No one could be you better than yourself and you cannot be anyone without changing yourself. Do not ever compare your worth to others just because you felt small and insecure. There are things that only you can do."
The brunette understood where his brother was coming from. It was so easy to discount one's own self in the face of doubt and uncertainty. Unfortunately, it was not just these self-deprecating thoughts that downgraded her morale but also Elsa's true feelings for her that worried her. It all boiled down as to who Elsa would prioritize more.
"It's not just that…" she started dejectedly. She broke eye contact as her brown eyes settled on the burning bright flames. "Can't you see?" she asked painfully as she shut her eyes. "Anna is Elsa's sun. With Anna around, Elsa was glowing brighter. Elsa was shining magnificently. Anna's warmth and radiance brought life and color to Elsa. Anna is her sunshine." Tears again brimmed at the corner of her eyes as those words left her mouth.
"And you are Elsa's moon." Ryder offered. The brunette instantly snapped those brown eyes open as she stared at her brother shockingly.
Ryder blushed. "Hey there. I may not be as poetic as you are…" He rubbed his nose embarrassingly which Honeymaren found amusing as she smiled at him affectionately. "But I can try." He grinned.
"Look here." He continued. "Just as the sun gives warmth and radiance, so does the moon by reflecting the sun's rays. The moon provides luminescence without resorting to using heat. The moon serves as the bright light guiding one through the night. In the olden days, it was also believed that the moon's varying phases marks the beginning of something new, the road to transformation."
Honeymaren's jaw dropped at she gazed at him in disbelief. "A-Are you my brother?" She looked at him suspiciously. "Where did you hide my brother?" She asked teasingly. Ryder laughed at her adorable expression, shaking his head knowingly. As their laughter subsided, he continued seriously.
"Your light illuminated Elsa just the same way as Anna but in a different manner. You can never be Elsa's sun because you are Elsa's moon. Anna could bring out the best in Elsa. But you bring out the needed change in Elsa's life. Anna could offer Elsa constancy of sunshine. But you offer Elsa the ticket to the world of the unknown to discover herself when you invited her to stay. Never compare your worth, sis." He smirked at her. "There are things that Anna can't do for Elsa that only you can do."
The brunette was filled with utter joy hearing those words from her brother. It was refreshing and comforting to know that there was someone out there supporting her unconditionally. She knew her brother was trying to lift up her spirits which was partly successful at making her feel a bit better than earlier. It was nice to hear that there were those things that she could give Elsa that her sister couldn't. If only Elsa could see it… If only Elsa could feel it…
She was so engrossed in her own little thoughts that she didn't hear her brother talking to her until a tap on her shoulder brought her back to reality. She whipped her head sideways, confusion visible on her face as she looked at him.
"I said Elsa." Ryder repeated.
"Uh huh? What about Elsa?"
He smirked and then stood up, stretching his massive arms in the process.
Then, in a smug voice enough to be heard, he greeted the incoming blonde. "Hey Elsa!"
Honeymaren jerked her head swiftly. She stood up so quickly she almost stumbled down as those brown eyes locked with blue orbs. In the corner of her eyes, she saw Ryder taking his leave after bidding goodbye to both of them. She would have wanted to join Ryder, to walk away from this blonde beauty, however her feet seemed to be firmly rooted on the ground. Watching those swaying hips coming her way did not help her case as she stood there mesmerized and enchanted by the Ice Queen. Darn!
Finally, Elsa had reached her. Her hands were wrung together, her face worried and tentative, a sure sign that Elsa was nervous. The blonde smiled at her hesitantly. "Hey…"
It took the brunette a moment before she found her voice to speak. "Hey Elsa" She greeted timidly. Apparently, there was this awkward atmosphere surrounding both of them as they stared at each other for a few seconds too long, neither breaking contact. It was as if their eyes were speaking volumes about those emotions that were left unsaid.
Honeymaren would have wanted to believe that there was something between them. But she could not let her heart be swayed knowing that Elsa would soon be leaving. Reluctantly, she broke eye contact as she gazed at anywhere but Elsa.
"Uhm… Wow. Look at the time!" She exclaimed exaggeratedly. "I guess I should already head back. Y'know, tomorrow's a big day!" She cheered sarcastically. "Uhm, I guess you should do the same, Elsa." She forced a smile. "Y-you'll be leaving tomorrow, so you must have a good rest."
Honeymaren started to walk away when a gentle but firm hand held her arm, effectively stopping her. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her thundering heart. "It's already late… Goodnight Elsa." She whispered softly without turning back.
She slowly untangled her arm but the blonde's hand remained insistent. "Honeymaren…" Elsa spoke softly. The brunette felt conflicted to hear the uncertainty in that melodic voice. Her heart suddenly felt constricted that she felt guilty for making the blonde feel this way. She never meant to make Elsa feel uncomfortable but her fragile heart could only take so much.
"Honeymaren…" Elsa called out to her again. "C-can you please stay?" The blonde's voice sounded so small and pleading that it tore the brunette's heart to pieces. Funny to think, it was the same exact words that she wanted to tell Elsa. She wanted so badly to speak those words, to beg her to stay, just… just anything to make her stay. But she knew better. Enough with fantasies. Done with the false hope. Reality was already slapping her hard. Elsa would soon be leaving and there was nothing she could do to change that.
Against her better judgment, she turned around facing the blonde beauty. Their eyes met.
"Can we please talk?"
Honeymaren smiled sadly at her. She knew what Elsa had to say. After all, there was nothing left to say other than goodbyes. She could feel that this would be the last time she would be able to have a moment with the blonde. And rather than hearing those painful goodbyes, she wanted a beautiful memory with Elsa that she would treasure for eternity.
"There's nothing to talk about Elsa. Don't worry. I already knew what you're going to say." The brunette admitted truthfully as she looked at her. Honeymaren grabbed the hand on her arm enclosing in it hers. "Just know that I'm glad I've met you, Elsa."
"Honeymaren…" Elsa started but the brunette put a finger on her lips.
"Please… don't speak." The brunette whispered. "Don't make it harder than it already is for me Elsa." The brunette desperately blinked back the angry tears that wanted to fall so badly. She forced herself to think that she wanted to send Elsa away with a happy smile on her face.
"But I'd like to ask you a favor… one last favor, if you don't mind." The brunette stared longingly at the blonde. "May I have the pleasure of a dance with you?" She offered her hand to the blonde. She had decided to make wonderful memories as their last moment together.
Elsa understood as she nodded at her. She curtsied gracefully before finally accepting Honeymaren's extended hand. The brunette guided her in the center for more space as they faced each other. Elsa's left hand rested on the brunette's right shoulder while Honeymaren placed her right hand on Elsa's back. Their other hands were clasped together.
Slowly, the two swayed together in a sound of music only both of them could hear. Their bodies pressed against each other, they danced to their hearts' content, their faces glowing with happiness and sadness at the same time. They moved gracefully, their feet gliding in rhythm as their hands stayed connected. It was such a precious memory that Honeymaren would surely treasure forever.
However, all things must come to an end. The music in their hearts was slowly fading. Their time was up. Both Elsa and Honeymaren stopped dancing as they stared sadly at each other. It was bittersweet.
Honeymaren then hugged Elsa firmly in her arms. If only possible, she did not want to let go of her. If only possible, she wanted her to stay locked and secured in her arms. If only possible, she wanted to kiss her so passionately and confess everything to Elsa right then and there.
If only possible…
And yet, only the impossible was possible. Elsa would be leaving. Her Elsa.
Reluctantly, she pulled away from her. For the last time, she stared at those melancholic blue eyes. Sighing deeply, she placed a soft kiss on Elsa's forehead, lingering a little longer before she murmured into Elsa's ear.
"Goodbye Elsa." I love you.
The brunette then turned around and headed towards her tent, leaving the blonde beauty feeling dejected and broken. Elsa watched her go with a heavy heart hoping that the brunette would turn around for one last time. But Honeymaren never looked back. It was over. It was really goodbye.
Unbeknownst to the two, someone was watching them from afar, from the moment Elsa approached Honeymaren until the latter kissed the blonde and left Elsa all alone. She watched everything happened that she felt her heart being pierced by a thousand knives, almost killing her in the process. Anna bit back a whimper as she wiped her tear-stained cheek with the back of her hand.
How could I compete with someone like her? Sure, Elsa loves me. But… Elsa would never look at me the way she looks at her because… Elsa is my sister.
-x-
A/N: Whoa! I'm speechless… *fanning myself with my hand* LOL. Thank you so much for the favorites, follows and especially the reviews! Interesting indeed. Some shipping Elsamaren, some others Elsanna. Anyway, so chapter 2, thoughts? I wonder who is winning Elsa's heart? Anna or Honeymaren?
A/N2: Oh and btw, in case you start wondering why I would update slow after this, I'll be on my holiday. So yeah, wish me luck I could spare time to write. Cheers! Thank you again. I'll be sure to respond to those signed reviews, only a little late. Sorry!