I Can't Get You off my Mind (And Maybe I'm Crazy but it's True)
Chapter Seven: Ground Coffee and Minced Pills
"Where are you going?" Regina asked, one hand gripping the wall edge as her rut made her almost dizzy with desire. It was her first day of it and she'd taken enough suppressants to put a horse to sleep; at least she wouldn't be tricked by her body into making stupid decisions because she'd be blitzed out. But she was still coherent enough to notice Robin and how he was zipping up his coat, luggage next to him, and Roland as well.
"I'm leaving."
That didn't register with her for a good while. "But I'm on my rut," she narrowed her eyes at him. She had never spent a rut apart from him. And he never spent his cycle away from her if possible given their schedules.
"Exactly," he said, turning away from her, "and I don't want to be here for when it...goes down."
She blinks owlishly, a bit- no, a lot- appalled by his answer even as her nether regions don't mind. "Robin, you can't be serious. You can't actually be allowing me to sleep with Emma! Under our roof!" She's scandalized and aghast.
He slowly turned to her, a pained expression on his face. "Regina, I see how you look at her. How you...gravitate towards her even if you hate her guts or try to." She opened her mouth to retort but he put up a hand to stop her. "I know how much you've tried to stop these feelings. I saw. You were about to kill yourself over not being with her because you chose to be with me. And I know you would have never cheated on me if it hadn't been what it is with her. But she's your mate, and I...I see that now. That doesn't mean I won't cling to you, or want to be with you. It's not...none of this is easy. And you're right when you told me I should be more mad at you, that I should want better for myself." He shook his head, unable to meet Regina's eyes right now.
Regina just looked on at him in quiet sadness, bleeding the same emotions he was. Letting him have his say.
"It'll just...it'll just take some time. Because a part of me thinks I can make this work. That I can have you, even while you're with her. But another part of me knows there's no room for me there anymore and I...I'm just numb to it." When he finished his bit he looked up at her, his eyes red rimmed from effort of not crying. Roland was holding his dad's hand, knowing something was bothering him, but being too young to know how to fix it.
"Robin, I still don't want to sleep with her-"
"You don't have to. But I won't be here for you during your rut because...because it wouldn't be right for us to lay together like that after all the...the indiscretion." She shifted guiltily at this. "And she will, so if something were to happen," he shrugged, trying to come off as uncaring when in reality he cared a lot."Just, try to figure things out with her, because I need to know what I should be doing for the future."
And with that he turned away from her, unlocking the door.
"Where are we going daddy?" Roland asked as Little John yipped around their legs, excited for the walk.
"On a trip for a little bit," Robin said in a defeated tone of voice, one that tried desperately to infuse some happiness.
"Is mommy not coming?" Roland asked as the door opened to omit them and then they were gone, leaving Regina with an aching heart over their departure while the rest of her body ached in a rut fueled episode.
She was so distraught that she hadn't noticed Emma had crept up on her. She was leaning against the archway all casual like, one arm up against the wall, bent at the elbow and were her head was resting, flat look on her face.
"I won't sleep with you in your rut," she stated, making Regina jump and turn on her.
"I wouldn't dream of asking you," Regina infused her voice with venom and shouldered past her. "And it's rude to eavesdrop on business that isn't yours."
"It is my business. Our business, Regina," Emma said as she followed after Regina. "When are we going to talk about this?"
Regina couldn't help the groan that slipped free from her lips. "Really? Now? I'm in the middle of a rut, and I'd rather have a clear head if we're going to talk about this all." Because Robin's words...his declaration, had pretty much sealed the deal on his and Regina's relationship. He knew he should give up on it and was going to give up on it. A relationship was a two way street. If he didn't want to keep it afloat, then she couldn't do it all by herself. Whether she liked it or not, she and Emma were in this together. She might as well content herself with this.
She let her eyes slip closed as she went into the kitchen and poured the fresh brew of coffee into a pot. The smell soothed her and helped wash out Emma's enticing scent.
"Well, you've had a 'clear' head before, and you didn't want to talk to me about anything," Emma stated, and god, why was she still following Regina around? Regina had to visibly steel her muscles so that they wouldn't be tempted to reach out and grab Emma. The omega smelled too appetizing. The pills could only do so much to temper Regina's hunger before she snapped and broke and repeated their mistake from earlier.
"We'll talk later, okay?" Regina stressed before dropping her tone into a whisper. "Now please, just leave me alone." She needed to get through this rut and Emma hanging around was not helping. There was only so much medicine could be counted upon to hold back.
"Fine," Emma huffed, crossing her arms. "But once it's over, you're not running away from me or our long over due talk." Emma could feel a small sliver of hope flare to life inside her chest. For better or for worse, her mate was giving her a chance to think this out. To get through this. Maybe, just maybe, they could get together after all and put all this unpleasantness behind them.
Emma grabbed an apple out of the bowl and then rushed out of the kitchen, intent on staying out of Regina's way during her rut.
When the three days were over, Emma politely knocked on Regina's bedroom door. Regina opened it, looking much better than she had a couple days ago. The rut scent hanging over her was gone and she looked alert and fresh faced.
"You are persistent," Regina commented.
"One of us has to be."
Robin still hadn't come back and it was worrying Regina. When she'd tried to text or call him, all she got in response was that he was waiting it out until she was all settled with her Emma dilemma. Which, would be in however long. Regina knew for his sake, she just wanted to get this over with, so he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. She knew the break up wouldn't be pleasant. But now that she knew it was mutually assured, she felt less apprehensive about it. She had wanted to break up in the first place with him, but then he'd clung onto her, and so she'd clung onto the hope it might work but now he had said it wasn't going to work and frankly, if he was giving up then she could no longer feel bad about not trying her all to keep him happy.
She only felt bad for Roland who was too young to have to be going through another unstable time period. Not only did he lose Marian, his mother, but now he was going to lose his second mother, Regina.
"I think you're stubborn is what it is," Regina added, finding Emma's warm hand circling her wrist and leading her out of the room. "What are you doing?" Regina asked, not expecting this course of action.
"Taking you out on a date. How else are we going to actually get to know each other better?" Emma suggested as she tugged Regina along, taking her out of the house.
"I thought we were supposed to be talking about our situation?" Regina arched a brow but allowed Emma to take her. She didn't have to enjoy the date.
"We will get to that, but I figured we might as well have some fun because we both need it. We both need to see how good together we can be before we settle down."
Regina snorted, though she didn't tug her wrist free from Emma's soft but steady hold. "As if we have a choice. This mate bond already ruined both of our relationships to our previous lovers and between us, because it just had to happen."
Emma hummed in confirmation. "That may be true, but we don't have to let it keep us down. If we don't have a choice, then the only choice we may have is to make the most of it and have fun. You ever heard of Greek tragedies?"
"Of course I have. What do you take me for?"
"Well, in those, often times the tragedy stemmed from the actors or characters trying to exit the box destiny had put them in. But, they never could leave it and attempting to change anything only further agitated their fate and it happened anyways." Emma paused momentarily here to make sure Regina was listening to her. She was. "We may be those people trapped in that box and we may not be able to escape what we have, but we still have freedom to make our choices insides that box."
Regina shook her head before she infused her words with sarcasm. "What an amazing analogy. Truly, likening us to Greek tragedies is supposed to make me feel more inclined to us?"
"It was either that or Romeo and Juliet, so..." Emma trailed off with a happy shrug.
"Where do you even intend to take us on this date? I don't dine out in diners like you do."
"I wouldn't expect you to. Which is why I made a fancy reservation for you while you were in your rut. But do hurry or else we'll be late."
"I can't run in heels!" Regina scowled.
"You may have to," Emma wagged her brows playfully and then hurried her step so that Regina had to speed up as well in her heels.
Regina intended to be stubborn the whole time on the date, and not enjoy it. But she found she did enjoy it, even forgetting to hate it or to try and be miserable. Emma was just...an infectiously charming person when she tried and Regina liked her company too much.
They dined, then they wined, and in the end they went out to see an art show that was very nice but that could never compare to Regina's open gallery offerings.
"I've been looking for more galleries to put my art into. Do you think this one might be good for me?" Emma sprung the question out of nowhere, making the small smile on Regina's face from enjoying the date, freeze.
Oh.
Jealousy and possessiveness curled in Regina's stomach. But then she remembered she had fired Emma and caused this jobless situation to happen. "Frankly," she spoke, trying to remain as neutral as she could about this. "Your art is too good for this gallery. It'll be undervalued and you won't make as much money off of it."
Emma gave her a look at this, a private smile playing on her lips. "Really?"
"I am not saying this just because you don't work for me. I fired you, don't you remember?"
"And you don't want me working for anyone else," Emma filled in.
"You asked me for an opinion and I gave you one, don't be difficult," Regina said through gritted teeth.
Emma shrugged. "So you wouldn't mind me working for them?"
Regina huffed angrily. "If we're going to be dating, then you might as well come back and work for me. At least you'll make a decent living selling art at my gallery."
Emma's face seemed to light up at this. "You're actually considering dating?" It was said in an awed whisper. This all hit Regina right in the gut. How could she have never wanted to see such an expression of joy on Emma's face? It was amazing. And Emma looked even more beautiful.
Her alpha side purred, wanting to see more of Emma's smiles. Wanting to make her happy more. After so long of being deprived of Emma's happiness and of satisfying their mate, Regina's alpha side nearly exploded from happiness at Emma's visible joy.
Regina swallowed harshly and looked away, overwhelmed momentarily by this. She tried to calm down, pressing the bubble of happiness inside her chest down into the pit of her stomach where she could quench it. "Well, it's not like we can date anyone else. We're mates." The words came out harshly through her throat and she could sense Emma sidling up closer to her.
When Regina didn't look at her, staring intensely at the horrid painting on the wall, she felt Emma's fingers slip into her hand and squeeze gently. "Yea, we are."
Nothing more was said. They just stood there and looked at the painting wordlessly, as Regina tried to will the crimson blush from her cheeks away.
They walked back, still hand in hand and it felt nice, touching innocently like this. It always felt nice whenever they touched each other, even a quick brush of a finger here or a finger there when they had been co-workers. But now, both were so touch starved for each other, that hand holding was transformed into a heavenly light.
Regina's alpha was soothed for once, and Regina didn't have to listen to it's incessant urging that she go to her mate because her mate was here, and holding her hand. Emma too had fallen quiet and it was nice, the two of them just walking in the darkened evening, soaking in each other's presence.
Was it bad that Regina hadn't thought of Robin in a long time?
She couldn't bring herself to care right now about it.
They went up to the door, Regina fumbling with her keys and letting go of Emma's hand. It felt wrong to do so, and she shivered a bit at the loss of the heat but there was no reason to continue holding on.
As the keys jingled in the lock, Emma softly cleared her throat, making Regina look up. Emma looked a bit abashed, hand rubbing the back of her head. "Uh, can I kiss you?"
Regina's eyes widened, taken a back by this oddly soft request. "Emma," she started. "We've done a lot more than kiss, already."
"Yea, but I had to ask," the woman shrugged, suddenly not looking as sure.
Regina couldn't help but find it endearing even as she tried not to. This damned mate bond- let it in even a bit and it was already changing her opinions on Emma completely around. Not that Emma was a bad person. No, she had a lot of good qualities. And Regina hadn't had a low opinion of her to begin with.
Regina stepped closer to Emma, inhaling as she prepared. Emma cupped her cheek and leaned in, taking a long time to finally reach Regina's lips.
The kiss was soft, a mere brushing of lips but it ignited a fire that rested within both of their bodies. It took everything inside them to hold back from deepening the kiss, from rucking hands through hair and just taking everything.
And it was a good thing they didn't. Because as they parted, looking into each other's eyes, the front door opened and Robin was there, clutching a bag of things. They jumped apart as if they were guilty of something. He already knew about them so it should be no secret. Still, it felt bad letting him see them enjoying each others company. Despite jumping apart, he still caught the gist of what had been happening and his face was shadowed by pain.
"Um, I was just getting some thing. I'll be out of your way soon."
"Robin, wait," Regina tried to reach for him, but he rudely shoved past them and didn't stop to hear what Regina might have to say.
Both women watched him leave, different expressions on their face. Emma's, one of relief, and Regina's one of sorrow. "Let him take some time. He needs space right now," Emma instructed.
Regina normally would have snapped something back to this but didn't feel like starting a fight. She was suddenly drained and the wonderful evening she had had with Emma was now a distant feeling. "I'm going to go to bed," she announced suddenly. Without waiting to see if Emma would follow, she went into the house and up to her room, collapsing onto her bed and looking up at the ceiling. How had things become so messy and so easily?
She never would have foreseen something like this happening to her. At all.
She was no way prepared for such a situation to overtake her life.
A week ambled by in this manner. Regina was getting antsy. She had never missed work for this long and she itched to go back, to do something, so that she could keep her mind occupied. Emma stayed the whole time at the house while Robin was out who knows where.
"Don't you have somewhere to stay?" Regina asked a touch rudely one day as Emma stirred creamer into her coffee cup.
"I do. But it's back home in Boston. So unless you're willing to fork over money for the ride back, I'm not leaving. I'm not quite keen on spending hundreds of dollars for not being asked to go someplace."
"You didn't have to say yes to Robin's request," Regina pointed out.
"I did. Or else you'd collapse," Emma stated matter of factly. "Besides, we're dating now. Why wouldn't a girlfriend stay over at her girlfriend's place."
Despite Regina being the one to state they might as well date, it still felt...new and uncertain this new status of theirs. Most of the time Regina didn't feel like they were dating at all. Just tolerating each other, and kissing each other when they felt more amicable towards the other.
"Because, one of the girlfriend's still has a boyfriend that she hasn't officially broken up with."
"I told you to break up with him, instead of dragging this on."
Regina tsked in annoyance. She didn't like being scolded on things she had tried to make an effort for but failed; a failure not on her part.
"I did, but he wouldn't let me. He wasn't like your Killian, one to easily give up," she added that jab in so that Emma wouldn't have all the glory in the conversation. Emma just rolled her eyes and took a huge gulp of her coffee before changing topics. "So, what do you want to do today? I was thinking movies? Cuddling on the couch?"
"I actually was thinking about going back to Boston. I've left my art gallery long enough without it's head and I don't want to risk losing money by minimizing my exposure to the new art season coming around. But I've still got to talk to Robin and settle the matter of the house and finances here," she put a palm to her forehead, already feeling the throbbing headache building up.
Emma gave her a soft look. "If you need help, just ask. I'm there for you."
Regina didn't deserve Emma being there for her given how horribly she had treated her for so long. Even now, she wasn't a hundred percent willing to give and open herself up to Emma because of reservations about their mate bond. Time, she knew, would be the key for all them recovering from this mate bond bomb shell.
"Thank you, Emma," she said, meaning it and Emma smiled, a smile that could rival the glow of the sun. Regina couldn't help but return it.
"And hey, if you need a place to crash in Boston, you can come to my place," Emma offered additionally.
Regina didn't respond with anything to that but silently agreed she would go visit.