Chapter 4 – Remember
A/N: Heads up! It's gonna be a long, bumpy ride.
-x-
"Elsa, I've fallen in love with you." Honeymaren admitted sincerely.
The blonde's blue eyes widened at the revelation and she instantly turned bright red as she gazed at those intense brown eyes full of nothing but affection for her. Honeymaren was smiling sweetly at her, her cold hands were securely enveloped in those warm slender hands of the brunette.
Thump thump thump.
She felt it again – that unfamiliar crazy rhythm of her heartbeat as soon as those words left the brunette's mouth only this time it was much more upbeat, stronger and louder. She could clearly hear the fast tempo of her heartbeat as it reached crescendo. She breathed deeply as she tried to understand this feeling that overwhelmed her at the moment.
Thump thump thump.
What is this I'm feeling?
Aside from Anna who always loved and believed in her, Elsa never had anyone who boldly showed any admiration towards her. What more a confession! Sure there were those arrogant royal kings and princes who had asked for her hand when she was still the Queen but their conceited eyes shone with either hunger for power or lust. In their eyes, she was just a tool – a means to an end, to achieve whatever they desired. They never looked at her with sincerity and warmth in their eyes. And with her powers being revealed, some even looked at her as nothing short of a weapon.
But this time, it was different. She was no longer the Queen of Arendelle and she neither lived in a castle. She was just plain Elsa. And yet here she was standing in front of a pretty brunette who had just confessed her feelings to her. She could see the sincerity swirling in those bright brown eyes as she spoke those sweet words. She could feel the warmth radiating soothingly in their intertwined hands. And that beautiful smile enough to light the world as its owner gazed lovingly at her. Elsa just couldn't believe it. It felt surreal – to know that there was someone out there who loved her for who she was, for being the real her.
"I love you Elsa."
Honeymaren watched her patiently as she let the blonde absorb everything. She couldn't help but smile tenderly as Elsa looked so adorable being all shy and flustered.
"I know it may sound crazy…" Honeymaren continued embarrassingly, her cheeks turning scarlet red. "but ever since I first laid my eyes on you, I've already fallen hard for you." She then glanced at Elsa amusedly. "Do you remember our first encounter?"
Elsa slowly nodded her head silently while Honeymaren chuckled a bit. "We are supposed to capture you for breaking into the Enchanted Forest. We even came prepared with all our weapons." She closed her brown eyes as she reminisced that memorable moment. It was as if it just happened yesterday. Everything was still crystal clear in her memory. The Northuldra came about in a group as they surrounded the intruders. Honeymaren was even holding a spear back then ready to attack and defend as necessary. And yet the irony happened. "But the funny thing was that it only took one look…" She opened her eyes and stared at Elsa. "just one look from you Elsa to capture my heart."
Elsa turned redder than ever at Honeymaren's continued confession. She suddenly became awkward and self-conscious as she diverted her eyes away from those bright brown eyes.
"I thought I came prepared." Honeymaren voiced out her thoughts. "I remember I was holding a spear in my hand like this." She imitated holding an invisible spear in her hands. "And then, I was looking at your sister who was holding a sword made of ice. Narrowing my eyes, I commanded her to lower her weapon." She smirked to herself. "But imagine my shock when our eyes met. Apparently, when it comes to you Elsa, I became completely defenseless."
Elsa was getting embarrassed by the second the more the brunette recalled their first encounter. She wrung her hands nervously as she bit her lip. She also clearly remembered that moment that their eyes locked. Back then, she unconsciously noted that this brunette was not just brave but also attractive… very attractive indeed. The way she carried herself so confidently but not in an arrogant way. The way she held her weapon and spoke with a voice full of authority, Elsa found it to be unusually appealing in a good sort of way. So how could she forget?
"But of course, I have to wake up from my illusions." She gulped down a lump on her throat. "when I realized you are the Queen of Arendelle, a pure royal blood, a ruler of a kingdom." This time it was Honeymaren who tore her gaze away from Elsa as her insecurities started to eat her away.
"By all standards, Elsa, you are unreachable. You are way up on your throne and I am at your footstool. You are like the sky high up above while I am the sea further down below. And there was no way that the skies would meet the seas, it was literally impossible." There was no way my feelings would reach you, Elsa.
Elsa could see the uncertainty in Honeymaren's eyes. She felt bad that the brunette felt this way around her, being the Queen and all that. It wasn't surprising that she didn't realize the full impact of her being a royal highness around other people because she rarely ever spent time with commoners. Well, Kristoff was different, being Anna's boyfriend, she thought. Nonetheless, she squeezed the brunette's hand softly as if reassuring Honeymaren that she never thought of the brunette that way. Honeymaren smiled and appreciated the gesture. Elsa was truly a sweetheart!
"But then, it was like magic. Who would have thought there would be some sort of a connection between you and me?" Honeymaren spoke with amusement and wonder in her voice.
"Mother." Elsa whispered softly.
The brunette grinned. "Elsa, I never would have imagined you are a half-Northuldran. I was completely overwhelmed. And that's when I realized that maybe it was possible… maybe the sky can somehow meet the sea…" And that maybe, my feelings can reach you.
"Following my heart, I approached you that night. Actually I don't know what I was thinking…" She chuckled a bit. "I guess only Ahtohallan knows." Elsa also giggled.
"But even that short encounter with you already made me jump for joy. Just being with you… Just being able to talk with you, to hear your voice, to feel your presence, Oh Elsa, I was crazy in love with you. I guess I allowed myself these little joys because I know that once you found what you are looking for, once you discover the truth about the voice you've been hearing, I know… I know that you will soon leave the Enchanted Forest."
"Then be it fate or coincidence, you found the truth not just about the past but also about yourself. You are the fifth spirit, the bridge between the magical and non-magical world. At that moment, I don't know why but I feel that our connection was getting stronger." She again held Elsa's hands as she looked deeply in those blue eyes. "I feel like you belong here." She slowly brought Elsa's hand and placed it near her heart.
Whether the brunette meant that Elsa belonged to the Enchanted Forest or belonged in Honeymaren's heart, she had no clue. Nonetheless, the blonde again blushed deeply as she felt those strong heartbeats pulsating in her hand. She was so close to Honeymaren she could feel the brunette's breath caressing her neck.
So far, there was only one person whom Elsa allowed to invade her personal bubble – it was Anna, her sister. And now, she couldn't help but wonder since when did she became this close to Honeymaren that she didn't mind or rather she was even pleased to have this close proximity with the brunette.
Thump thump thump.
Elsa's heartbeats again soared.
"Clinging to that faint glimmer of hope, I gathered up the courage to ask you to stay, to welcome you in this magical forest, if you so desire." She paused as she took a deep breath. "It was another wishful thinking of mine but I knew I would regret even more if I didn't try. I was already bracing myself to accept your polite rejection on the offer. I mean, come on Honeymaren, and get ahold of yourself! She's the Queen of Arendelle! There was no way she'll decide to stay here. So wake up!" She grinned afterwards. "Yeah, I know, I was weird right? Talking to myself and all that."
Elsa also laughed softly. "No, you're fine. Trust me, I knew someone way weirder than but as adorable as you are." Right Anna?
"Sooooo… anyway, can you imagine my jaw dropping to the floor and my eyes popping out of their sockets when I hear your response?"
Elsa again chuckled at Honeymaren's sense of humor. Apparently, this woman could make Elsa's heart flutter in frenzy, make her cry in anguish and make her laugh like crazy.
As their laughter subsided, Honeymaren then cleared her throat as she again looked at Elsa. "Jokes aside, you again surprised me Elsa. You don't know how happy I am to hear your decision to stay. And now, I realize that the sky finally meets the sea and forms a horizon. And true enough, you've broaden my horizon when you came to my life. That is why my feelings have finally reached you, Elsa."
Honeymaren slowly cupped Elsa's cheeks and closed in the distance between their faces. Elsa could again feel the erratic thumping of heart as the brunette moved towards her. She instantly shut her blue eyes as her lips trembled be it due to anticipation or uncertainty, she could not decide. At the moment, all she could feel was the loud rhythmic sound of her heartbeat as it drummed wildly against her ribcage.
The brunette tore her gaze away from those blue eyes to focus on those tempting lips in front of her. She inched forward wishing to feel those lips against hers, dreaming to taste Elsa's mouth and explore its wonders. She was only an inch away when she stopped herself abruptly. Watching Elsa this close with her eyes closed and her lips slightly open, Honeymaren fell in love with Elsa even more. She adored this woman in her arms so, so much that she settled to kiss Elsa on her nose.
The kiss lingered for a while before Honeymaren pulled away. Elsa slowly opened her eyes to stare at the brunette who was smiling tenderly at her.
"I love you Elsa." Honeymaren declared again. "I really do." She confessed. "That is why I wish for you to stay… Please… stay…" Stay here… with me.
Elsa's blue eyes suddenly swirled with conflicting emotions. Staying here in the Enchanted Forest would only mean that she could not go back to Arendelle with Anna. And Elsa deeply loved Anna with her whole heart. She would no doubt give the world to Anna if that meant her sister's happiness. She would have given anything just for Anna because Anna was her greatest treasure.
But then, she didn't realize that Honeymaren had become this important to her, that the latter had a special place in her heart. Initially, she was okay leaving the Enchanted Forest for Anna's sake because she only stayed in this magical forest to discover more the sources of her powers. But now, someone actually wanted her to stay. Honeymaren wished for Elsa to stay. And Elsa was completely torn.
Sensing the blonde's uneasiness and her downcast eyes, Honeymaren lifted up her chin so that their eyes could meet. She smiled at her. "Elsa, I could wait. If it meant being with you, I can wait." No matter how long it will take, I am willing to wait for you Elsa.
Elsa saw the sincerity in those brown eyes as tears pricked the corner of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. She was deeply touched that there could be someone who could be honest with her and who appreciated her truly. Honeymaren again smiled at her as she herself blinked back the tears that threatened to break through her eyes. She slowly wiped away Elsa's tears with her thumb.
"Takk…" Honeymaren continued. "By night… before the end of the festival, here… in this glasshouse, I will wait for you." She paused as she took a deep breath. "I will wait for your answer." And maybe, by then, I can really kiss you for real. By then, I could feel your lips pressing against mine.
And even after that, should you still decide to leave, I will still wait for you to come back. I will wait for you Elsa, because I know you are worth the wait.
Shortly thereafter, Elsa was slowly walking back towards the village center as she freely let her mind recall everything that had happened earlier between her and Honeymaren. Somehow, her frantic heartbeat calmed down for a bit and she took a lungful of air to clear her mind. Thinking back, she was absolutely shocked when the brunette confessed. Yet truth be told, she felt genuinely happy as her heart swelled hearing those affectionate words.
But in a flash, her joy turned into sadness as she remembered Honeymaren's plea for her to stay. As much as she enjoyed the brunette's company, Elsa couldn't simply say 'yes' without hurting Anna. And that was the last thing she wanted – to hurt Anna because she deeply loved her. As her mind was filled with thoughts about Anna, worry creased on her face as she remembered her strange behavior earlier and she set out to look for her sister.
Anna…
-x-
The blonde snorted. "Only one wish, Your Grumpy Highness. Name your one wish."
Anna slowly lifted herself up to meet Elsa's amused gaze. Those penetrating blue eyes seemed to radiate with love that Anna couldn't take her eyes off of her. Elsa's porcelain skin, silky blonde hair, her luscious lips – Elsa was just so perfect in every way and Anna was just helplessly captivated. It was as if she was caught in the moment and there was no way out for Anna.
"Elsa…" Anna muttered.
"Kiss me." She whispered softly.
Anna shyly glanced down at Elsa's lips. Her heartbeat doubled up in pace as if every nerve in her body was pulsating loudly she could clearly hear it in her ears. She slowly inched herself forward, pinning Elsa under her weight. She watched Elsa gulping down nervously before the blonde tentatively reached out her hand to cup her cheeks.
Elsa was staring up at her with half-lidded eyes. Anna's cheeks turned rosy in complexion as those cold gentle hands made contact with her face. Her turquoise eyes widened by a fraction and she could feel her heart bursting with extreme happiness as Elsa lifted her head up to meet hers.
Elsa, will you really?
The General's words suddenly rang inside her ears.
Take a leap of faith. Don't matter what people say because it is beyond the boundaries of their limited minds. They won't comprehend it. They won't understand it. And remember to follow your heart. Believe in your heart.
Apparently, Anna had unconsciously followed the General's advice by listening to her heart. And at that moment, her heart was passionately screaming only one name and her body was aching for that very special person – Elsa. Right now, she was being honest, transparent and crystal clear. She was done running. She was done hiding. She was letting all her emotions out as she spoke those words – kiss me.
Kiss me. Yes, those two words carried the weight of what Anna wished to express to Elsa. It was an action word meant to be performed with an act – a kiss. But rather than a command, it was more of a supplication dependent on the receiver's course of action – dependent on Elsa's choice of action.
But it was obvious enough what Elsa's decision had been. Initially, it was shy and tentative. But as those hands curiously reached out to cup Anna's cheeks, her actions were becoming confident and bolder. And as she watched Elsa moved towards her, it had become a decisive action – absolute and certain in Anna's opinion. There was no doubt – Elsa wanted the kiss to happen. Elsa wanted to kiss Anna.
Anna then saw Elsa staring at her lips. The distance between their faces was an inch away. Anna saw Elsa closing her blue eyes and so did she. Loud heartbeats thundered in her chest.
Oh Elsa…
Anticipation was building up inside her as she waited for their lips to touch.
But it never happened.
Instead, an intense cold seeped through her body followed by a familiar voice addressing her.
"Oh Anna…" She heard a scoff. "If only there was someone out there who loved you…"
Anna suddenly felt a tight knot in her stomach as those words reverberated painfully in her ears. Against her better judgment, she opened her turquoise eyes. And as she did, she felt like someone had shot an arrow directly to her heart, crushing it to pieces. Horror crept on her face as she was looking down not at Elsa but at…
her former lover…
her ex-boyfriend…
Hans.
Her eyes were wide with shock and her mind went blank. "H-Hans?" She stuttered. Her body began to tremble in fear as she fell down backwards with a thud. Her face felt like it was on fire where Elsa… no, where Hans had touched her. She gritted her teeth as the pain intensified tenfold.
She blinked her eyes a few times. Maybe that nasty bastard was just her imagination. And she glanced up again. But he was really there, this unredeemable monster was as real as it could get. How could she forget that familiar auburn hair with its long sideburns? Against her wishes, it was imprinted in her memory as the greatest mistake of her life.
Hans stood up, towering over her with a cold smug expression on his face. His green eyes were glinting with pure malice and he was smiling at her derisively.
"Anna…" He sneered at her. "You are so desperate for love…"
Desperate for love. That phrase echoed in Anna's head a million times that tears unconsciously streaked down her face. It was breaking her into pieces as she clutched her chest with her hand.
She was shaking her head. "No… no… That's not true…" She sobbed.
She watched Hans walking towards her and forcibly pulled her up by her arm. Her skin pricked at the contact as if she was burning. It was agonizing. She couldn't concentrate on anything but the blinding pain that scorched her skin. She wiggled her arm free but it was futile against Han's strong hands.
"Get off of me!" She screamed frantically.
He leveled his face to hers as he whispered mockingly. "For love, you are willing to do anything just like that." Hans spat venomously. "You are pathetic!"
Anna felt like the longer Hans was holding her, her strength was slowly slipping away. It was weakening her. It was consuming her. She couldn't stop the tears from freely flowing down her cheeks.
He leaned closer. "Accept it, Anna. No one will ever love you." And as he released his grip on her, Anna stumbled down on the ground. She was shaking badly as she hugged herself pitifully. Her skin was still tingling, visible red marks appeared on her arm. She could see from the corner of her eyes that Hans was watching her interestingly. She did not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her like this but everything just unfolded at the speed of the light that she had become a deer caught in the headlights.
Anna bit her lips in anger. She wanted to stop herself from crying but her body was acting up on its own. She wanted to defend herself against those accusations but words would not come out of her mouth. It was as if Hans had this power over her. She felt as if Hans was controlling her against her will. She then heard Han's hysterical laughter filtering through the woods. It was deafening her. It was frightening her.
"You will forever be alone."
Alone. That word struck a raw nerve as Anna forced herself to speak. She opened her mouth but still no words were coming out. It was frustrating. She needed to let out… needed to speak…needed to release this extreme anger building inside her.
Speak! Speak! Speak!
She urged herself.
And as she did, it was nothing but a strangled cry.
Again, she forced herself.
Talk! Say something! Anything!
"NOOO!" Anna cried in anguish as she suddenly jerked her body up.
For a moment, she felt lost and disoriented. She could feel the heavy pounding on her chest and knew that a bad headache was coming her way. Her body felt like lead as fatigue overwhelmed her. She silently cursed. She then blinked her eyes to focus. She glanced left and right. Confusion was written all over her face as she noted the familiar surroundings around her.
Elsa's Ice Tent?
Anna was lying on the bed inside Elsa's Ice Tent. Why am I here? She frowned as her brows furrowed in concentration. She was trying to remember what had happened and why she was inside the Ice Tent at the moment. From the outside, it appeared that it was already getting dark. What time is it? Alas! Her memory was as clear as a mud.
Suddenly, there was a movement on her left and she jerked her head towards it. It was Elsa. Seeing the blonde, she quickly felt at ease. Elsa was standing a few feet away from her, her hands wrung together while her beautiful face was masked with mixed emotions Anna couldn't fully decipher. Was she afraid? Worried? Uncertain? Guilty? Anxious?
Anna lost her focus as migraine started assaulting her brain and she quickly closed her eyes. It was as if everything around her was suddenly in motion and she felt sick. She pressed her hands against her temples as if doing so would stop the circling movements.
"W-what happened?" She asked in a weakened voice.
Elsa was silent at the moment as she watched Anna worriedly. As the younger woman opened her eyes to look at her, her blue eyes settled to anything but her. She took a deep breath before responding.
"You fainted, Anna."
"Wait what?" Again, Anna had to close her eyes as the headache was torturing her. She hissed in pain. Everything around her was spinning in greater speed that she instantly covered her mouth as she felt like puking.
"Probably due to cold…"
Elsa bit her lips worriedly as she timidly placed a comforting hand on Anna's arm.
But it was a big mistake.
At the simple harmless touch, it all came back to Anna in full swing. In her mind's eye, everything was transpiring like a speeding bullet train. It was as if she was watching a movie fast forwarded four times than the normal speed and there was no stopping it. Only that it wasn't a movie.
She saw Elsa intertwining her hand with hers. She watched Elsa's back as they ran together deeper into the forest. Elsa was talking to her in the woods. Elsa nodding understandingly. Elsa smiling at her before conjuring her ice powers to create an ice floor. Elsa building the little snowgies. The snowgies transforming to form the words 'CHEER UP ANNA'. Elsa gliding smoothly with her. Elsa performing three-jump combination. Elsa asking her to play a game with her. Elsa looking unfazed as she avoided all their combined attacks. Elsa being caught in her arms. Elsa lying down with her on top. Elsa pulling her down to give a power hug. Elsa laughing amusedly at her. Elsa cupping her cheeks. Elsa staring at her with half-lidded eyes. Elsa lifting her head up to meet hers. Elsa watching her lips. Elsa closing her eyes as she did so as well.
But the kiss never materialized. Instead, she was filled with raging cold. Then it was followed by hurtful words filtering in her ears. And as Anna reluctantly opened her eyes, Elsa was nowhere. In her stead was a sinister-looking Hans grinning at her. This unredeemable monster. The greatest mistake of her life. The bastard who didn't even kiss her, thankfully. Yes, he was a jackass personified.
Her throat became dry and itchy. She was staring at him in shock. Her skin burned leaving red marks and bruises. Her body trembling in fear. Hans towering over her. Hans jeering at her. Tears cascading down her cheeks. Hans gripping her arm painfully. Her skin ablaze. She was yanking her arm. Hans ridiculing her. Hans releasing her arm. She was glaring at him. Her anger building up. She wanted to scream. But no voice. She tried again and again and now…
"Get away from me!" Anna yelled loudly as she opened her eyes and glared furiously.
And as her turquoise eyes focused, she was taken aback. It was not Hans. It was Elsa who was just as shocked as she was. Elsa reluctantly removed her hand away from Anna's arm as her expression turned from shock to hurt. It was obvious enough that she was on the verge of tears as she blinked back her blue eyes.
Anna felt bad. She felt really, really bad for screaming at Elsa. But it felt so horribly real. Everything felt so true. Even now, her skin was having that tingling sensation and she was not liking it. It was as if her worst nightmare had materialized and was now merging into her reality. She even lost the ability to differentiate which ones were real and which ones were illusions. One thing remained constant though, everything she was feeling was genuine, especially the pain intensifying inside her head. She clasped her head with her hands as she again closed her eyes. It felt better this way as the spinning lessened. She then brought her knees up and rested her head on it. But the pain was still there and she hissed reflexively.
She could hear Elsa shifting her weight between her feet unconsciously. She could imagine Elsa biting her lips anxiously while watching her helplessly. She wanted to apologize to her. She never wished to see that hurt expression ever again from her sister's face. She wanted to assure her that she was alright, that everything was fine. But it was not. In fact, everything was a mess.
A taunting voice echoed inside her.
If only there was someone out there who loved you…
Desperate for love…
Pathetic…
No one will ever love you…
Forever be alone…
Anna suddenly thought that maybe that voice was right. She was so desperate for love that she wanted to feel it from her sister. She was craving to be loved and to feel that love and in her attempt to find it, she was already burdening her sister unnecessarily. She had become a nuisance forcing Elsa to love her. What nerve she had to ask Elsa to kiss her! It was true – it was really pathetic of her. After all, maybe it was her destiny… to be alone forever.
Elsa couldn't take it anymore. "Anna… This is all my fault and I'm sorr~"
"Please leave." Anna whispered softly but enough for the blonde to hear.
Elsa's eyes were wide with disbelief. Her hands were wrapped against her body as she stared at Anna sadly. How could you expect me to leave when you are like this, Anna?
"Anna… please…" Her voice was breaking.
Anna's heart was crushed upon hearing it. But she was already hurting enough. She was already in great pain she could not think properly. "I said leave me alone!" She shouted angrily.
But honestly, she was angrier at herself. She hated herself for not realizing things sooner. Maybe that was why Elsa chose to leave to be here in the Enchanted Forest – to escape from her. Maybe she had become too much for Elsa. She had become unbearable. But being the kind sister that Elsa was, she still accommodated her and put up with her.
But this had to stop. Elsa didn't need to be bound by her. She knew that Elsa should not be chained down by her desperation for love. She had to set Elsa free where the latter could freely choose who to love without Anna's restriction. And against her will, she had to force her to go away.
She took a deep breath. "Elsa, leave."
The earlier commotion was so loud that people from outside have heard Anna's scream. The door to the Ice Tent opened and a messy blonde head appeared followed by a bubbly snowman. As Kristoff glanced inside, he saw Elsa quickly passing him by with tears in her eyes. In her hurry, she knocked off Olaf who had been in the front door thus causing the surprised snowman's body to break apart like sprawled bowling pins.
"I-I'm sorry Olaf." Elsa said as she wiped the tears in her eyes. Olaf automatically re-arranged his body as he laughed heartily at Elsa. But upon seeing her tear-stained face, he quickly frowned.
However, even before either Olaf or Kristoff could say anything, Elsa again dashed off leaving them dumbfounded. Both of them turned their heads towards Anna who was hugging herself shakily. They could hear her crying as well. The two looked at each other before shaking their heads sadly.
"Olaf, go after Elsa." Kristoff said as he already walked towards Anna.
"You got it. Take care of Anna for me." Olaf said as he hurried outside and chased the blonde.
-x-
Elsa was hurt. She was deeply hurt when Anna pushed her away. She felt as if the world was crushing down on her as Anna glared at her angrily. Anna never looked at her that way even as she accidentally struck her with her ice powers back when they were at the Ice Castle. Maybe she saw those orbs so mad only once but it was due to Hans – when Hans tried to kill her. Other than that, Anna's turquoise eyes were always so vibrant, understanding and loving.
But earlier, she couldn't erase it from her memory. Anna's eyes were full of anger, resentment and hatred. Honestly, it scared her. Not that she was scared of Anna, but she was scared that she had caused Anna to be as such. She was scared that she was the reason for the change in those once smiling turquoise eyes.
What was I thinking? Why did I let Anna suffer like this? Why does Anna have to sacrifice on my behalf? Why can I not stop being so horrible to Anna? Oh Anna… Forgive me Anna. Forgive me…
"Elsa!"
Her self-deprecating thoughts ceased as she heard that familiar voice calling her. She stopped running to catch her breath. And as she turned around, it was Olaf who was panting heavily from chasing after her. Feeling bad for the snowman, she sprinkled snowflakes on him as he got near her.
Olaf looked relieved and fresh as he glanced at his glowing permafrost body. "Wow, that's better!" He then glanced appreciatively at Elsa. "Thank you Elsa."
The blonde smiled a bit and nodded her head. She sniffed timidly while she wiped the traces of tears on her cheeks. Olaf suddenly looked gloomy as he watched her.
"Elsa…" He held her hand. "Are you okay?"
Elsa sighed. She did not even know what to feel. But she did not want Olaf to worry either. Olaf was such a sweet guy as she tightened her hold on his wooden hand. "I'll be fine…" She said. In time…
"By the way, how's the trip going here?" She asked, hoping for a change in topic.
"Oh the usual, y'know." Olaf rolled his eyes. "Kristoff still trying to shut me up when I'm giving all these wonderful trivia! I can't believe he couldn't appreciate these new knowledge! Who knows it might come in handy!"
Elsa raised her brow. "Hmm… Try me." She was relieved as Olaf was successfully diverting her attention from her worry about Anna.
"Ooh! Okay here it goes!" Olaf's eyes twinkled. "Did you know that trolls turned into stone upon contact with sunlight?"
Elsa suddenly appeared intrigue. Was that true? She thought back whenever she had met with Grand Pabbie and some other trolls. It was usually at night or in some dark place. So maybe it was true. But her eyebrow raised even more.
"How did you know about all this Olaf?"
Olaf grinned. "It's all in the book. It's so much easier to have all this information now that I can read."
Her curiosity increased. "What book Olaf? Where is it?"
"The Book of Magic. I found it in the library, hidden under a trap door."
Wait… Is that father's?
"I got so interested on it that I kept on reading it. Even when I accompanied Kristoff out to buy carrots for Sven, I brought it along with me in the wagon. I was so engrossed learning about all this stuff about magic. But apparently, it seemed I'm not the only one interested."
Elsa looked at Olaf perplexedly. "What do you mean?"
Olaf brought his hand on his chin in deep thought. "There's this really old man. Spooky, if I may add. Well, that's how he looks to me with all the scarf covering his face plus the black cloak he was wearing. Oh and yeah, he has a cane and he moved super slow. So anyway, while I was reading some stuff to Sven, he approached us and turned to me. He said that he was wondering if he could have a read as well as he was also interested in magic since he was young. I guess the old man wants to relive his youth."
"And you lend him the book?" Elsa asked.
Olaf bobbed his head. "Yeah. But don't worry. He gave me his address – somewhere deep into the woods, he said. So I should be able to get it from him quite easily."
"Oh okay." Elsa answered. But deep inside her, she had a bad feeling about this. Why would someone be interested in magic? She thought gravely.
Before she could ponder more, another familiar voice called her.
"Elsa!" She turned around at the voice.
It was Honeymaren approaching both of them. As she reached them, she winked at Elsa before glancing at Olaf interestingly. Elsa however noted that her brown eyes seemed tired and puffy as if the brunette had been so weary and exhausted despite her lively attitude. But her thoughts were lost when Olaf moved forward towards the brunette.
"Hi!" Olaf beat her to greet her first.
"Hello!" Honeymaren grinned. "You must be Olaf! Nice to finally meet you."
"Oooh! The pleasure's mine!" He giggled boisterously. "And you must be Elsa's girlfriend."
In a flash, both Elsa and Honeymaren blushed as they stared at each other awkwardly. Elsa wrung her hands nervously while Honeymaren scratched her cheek.
The brunette was first to recover as she cleared her throat. "Uhm.. err… no, I'm not."
Olaf covered his mouth in surprise as he looked at her up and down. "Oh, sorry, my bad. So, you must be Elsa's boyfriend then." But this person certainly looked like a woman to me. Oh well, looks can be deceiving.
Elsa slapped her face with her hand in embarrassment while Honeymaren laughed loudly. She was holding her stomach as she doubled up in laughter. Elsa couldn't help it as she also giggled softly.
Olaf also laughed with them. "I don't even know…" He hiccupped. "why I'm laughing. But it must be really funny." The two even chuckled harder thanks to Olaf's humor.
"But I guess, this will all make sense when I am older."
Honeymaren was wiping tears in her eyes as her amusement died down. Elsa was also doing the same as she caught her breath.
"That's such a good laugh." Honeymaren said as she looked at the snowman. Elsa also nodded in agreement.
"Well, I'll take it a compliment then." Olaf grinned.
"You sure do." The brunette said. "And just so you know, I'm a woman." She winked at him.
Olaf gasped. "Then I'm right in the first place!"
"Technically you are still not." Olaf's brow creased.
Honeymaren glanced at Elsa knowingly who smiled back shyly. "I wish I am." She said. "But for now, I could clearly tell you that I am Elsa's girl spacebar friend. Not girlfriend, girlfriend…" Not yet anyway…
"But that's what I'm referring to! You are a girl who is Elsa's friend." He rephrased. "But anyway, let's start over. Hi there, Elsa's girl spacebar friend. May I know the pleasure of knowing your name?"
"I'm Honeymaren." She answered.
Elsa watched the two of them fondly. If Olaf also stayed in the Enchanted Forest, she was sure that the two would become best of friends. But that thought brought a wave of anxiety over her as she again remembered Anna. She glanced at the Ice Tent on the far distance with her thoughts filled with Anna's last words. Elsa, leave.
-x-
Kristoff didn't speak one word as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He simply let Anna cry her heart out because he knew that what Anna needed the most was to let out her emotions. Nonetheless, he would stay by her side no matter what. He wanted to let her know that he was here even through this miserable silence.
He didn't know what happened between them but he had clearly heard Anna's words. Leave me alone! It was sad to see both Anna and Elsa falling apart. He knew that the sisters loved each other deeply. But what could have caused Anna to say those words was the one question occupying his mind at the moment.
Glancing at Anna crying, he was filled with mixed emotions. While on his journey, his thoughts circled around the idea of who he was in Anna's life. He badly wished to get a confirmation from her that he was someone important in her life. He was hoping against hope that the Anna he first knew and came to love was still the same Anna in front of him. He wished that nothing worse changed between them because he had come to love Anna even more than when he had first met her.
But seeing her so vulnerable and broken, he couldn't bring himself to question her now and demand some answers. Time and again, Anna's welfare was his first and foremost priority. It was always her needs that had to be met before he could even delve deeper about his own needs. It was always Anna this and Anna that. It was always Kristoff later or Kristoff never mind. But he never regretted anything. Because for Anna, every sacrifice, every suffering, every pain, every hurt – everything was all worth it. After all, my love is not fragile.
He watched as Anna lifted her head to meet his gaze. "Kristoff…" Anna called out weakly.
He faced her. "I'm here Anna, what do you need?"
A long sigh escaped her lips. Her eyes were puffy and red. She was sniffing. "I'm a horrible person Kristoff."
He leaned closer to her. He reached out his big hand towards her but at the last minute, he pulled back and drop his hand on his side. "No you are not Anna. Don't say that."
"But I hurt Elsa…" And I keep hurting the people I love. She whispered sadly.
"And you'll make it up to her. You love Elsa right?" Kristoff looked at her patiently.
"But I can't…"
Kristoff slightly frowned. "What could you possibly meant by 'you can't'? You can't make it up with her? You can't love Elsa? It doesn't make sense."
Another sigh escaped her lips. Her heart and her mind were already overworked too much. "I think it's time we go back to Arendelle…"
"Wait what?" He looked at her incredulously. "You must be kidding right? Because in case you haven't noticed, we just got here. Like literally."
Anna laughed heartily. "Right." She clicked her tongue. "And I'm also selfish…"
"Hey grumpypants, that's not what I meant okay?" Kristoff said. "Look, I don't know what happened between the two of you but you traveled all the way here by yourself. Let me repeat, by yourself to see Elsa."
"Well, I saw her already and I guess it's time for me to go." She butted in quickly.
"Whoa, hey slow down, will ya? And let me finish first." Kristoff raised both his hands as if in defense.
Anna sulkily grunted but she nonetheless kept silent.
"My point is… for you to travel this far by yourself only shows how important Elsa is to you."
And I couldn't help but wonder if I am also as important as Elsa to you, Anna. I don't mean to compare our worth. Elsa is your sister and I am your… Ugh. Who am I again? Well, holding on to my assumptions, I'm thinking I'm your guy, Anna. I know you can never compare apples to oranges.
And yet, I was jealous of the attention you are giving Elsa. I was jealous of the love you are showing Elsa. I was envious of the things you do just for Elsa. And most of all, I wish you would look at me the same way you look at Elsa – with love and adoration. Because Anna, I also wanted to feel that you love me too. I also need a security that your heart belongs to me and only to me. Because only then can I confirm that I am really your guy.
"Hey, Earth to Kristoff!" Anna yelled a little louder.
Kristoff blinked then looked at Anna blankly. What was I saying again? "Huh?"
"You spaced out. Are you okay?" Anna asked worriedly.
"Oh sorry Anna." He laughed a bit. "Must be the long travel. But anyway, what was I saying again? Ohhh right, I remember. Yes, Elsa. So back to what I'm saying, Elsa is your precious sister and nothing will change that fact. Your bond with her is unbreakable and unshakeable. No arguments, no issues, no conflicts could destroy what the two of you have. Never forget, you've both been through a lot and you and Elsa overcame all of them together. And in saying that…" He smiled at her encouragingly. "I know that you'll fix whatever misunderstanding you have with Elsa. Agree?"
Anna smirked at him. She knew that Kristoff was right. She needed to fix things with Elsa. But what exactly must she do was something she had to ponder on. She had become so conflicted about revealing her true emotions when her worst nightmare in the form of Hans materialized and his presence was so tangible and real it was making her sick. The voice of fear clouded her judgment to following her heart. She was caught in the middle – stuck in between.
From the corners of her eyes, she saw Kristoff pulling something out from his pocket. "Here." He handed her a small piece of an oval obsidian rock. Its surface had a shiny and smooth texture. She then glanced at Kristoff awaiting some explanation.
He smiled at her. "I meant to give this to you earlier but you seemed to be in a hurry going here. But anyway, this stone is called mimre."
"Mimre?" Anna repeated.
"Yes. I think it means to reminisce. It's from Grand Pabbie by the way." He explained. Anna looked again at the stone and flipped it over in her hand curiously.
"I don't know if you know or even remember or if Elsa had retold it to you, but when you're young, little Elsa accidentally struck you in the head with her magic powers. You've turned ice cold that both your parents became worried about your health condition. Your father, King Agnarr seek the help of the trolls to cure you. Together with your mother, Queen Iduna, and the both of you, all four of you set out to the Troll's Sanctuary. Grand Pabbie was there."
Anna was listening intently. Kristoff's story seemed vaguely familiar for some reason but whenever she tried to remember deeper, a searing pain exploded inside her head preventing her. It was as if someone put a memory blockage in her head. And now, hearing it from Kristoff, she leaned closer to him.
"He placed his stubby hand on your forehead and knew instantly that your head was struck with ice powers. Luckily, it wasn't your heart, he said because the heart is not easily changed whereas the head can be persuaded. And so, he recommended removing all traces of magic, even memories of magic."
Anna's eyes widened in disbelief. A mix of anger, frustration, shock and regret reigned in her heart. Remove all magic? Even memories of magic? Is that why I have no recollection of Elsa having powers when we are young? Is that also the reason why Elsa distanced herself away from me since we were kids? Is that why she kept on telling me she wanted to protect me by shutting herself out? So I am the reason for Elsa's suffering! Had she not struck me, she would not have feared her magic. Oh Anna, why do you always cause Elsa to suffer?
"That stone holds all the memories of magic that was removed from your head – memories both good and bad. Grand Pabbie also inputted a bit of his memory from that moment that your family set foot in the Troll's Sanctuary. He wanted to return it to you as its rightful owner. Grand Pabbie mentioned that all you need to do is hold the stone near your heart and begin to remember. Everything else will follow."
Anna again glanced down at the stone in her hand suddenly feeling the weight and importance of the said obsidian rock. Apparently, it held all her childhood memories of Elsa with her powers. The thought of being able to remember what she and Elsa used to do when they were kids, and before the accident happened brought an unwavering excitement to Anna. She would finally have a glimpse of her forgotten past and they were all about herself and Elsa.
But how quick her excitement had been a few seconds ago, it was completely extinguished as she recalled the earlier events of that day. She had to stop burdening Elsa. She had to stop forcing herself on Elsa's life. She had to free Elsa from Anna's chain of desperation.
"It's on you Anna." Kristoff broke through her thoughts. "Do as you please with that stone." And with that, Kristoff left her to her own world.
Anna closed her eyes as she felt the lightweight rock in her hand. She again ran her hand on its glassy surface. She was debating on whether she should look through the past or not. She felt like doing so would make it harder for her to let go of Elsa. But there was another voice ringing inside her ear commanding her to let go not of Elsa but of her fears. It was coaxing her to open her heart and listen. It was encouraging her to remember."
Suddenly, she felt vibration. Anna quickly opened her eyes and gazed at the stone. Yes, the stone glowed radiantly and was pulsating in her hands. It was as if the stone felt its rightful owner's presence and was responding to her heart only that she was holding back. She bit her lips in worry. She was still undecided if she wanted to remember or not. Her mind was telling her not to but her heart was pleading her to do it.
Remember…
Fear is the enemy.
Fear is what can't be trusted.
Let go of your fears Anna…
Let it go and begin to remember…
Taking a deep breath, Anna shut her eyes close and brought the stone near her heart. She could still feel the stone vibrating as if it was getting in sync with her heartbeat. And then she cleared her thoughts and began to open her heart. And then she felt it – the stone and her heart were beating as one.
Show yourself.
Where her troubled heart had been wrapped in a harsh, penetrating cold, it was now replaced by a familiar, comforting warmth enveloping her. And then she saw it – the forgotten past she was trying to remember all of her life – her memories of young Elsa.
Little Elsa built a snow wonderland and she and Elsa were playing Enchanted Forest inside the castle. Then another memory showed Anna and Elsa playing outside in the snow with Anna riding a sled. And then they were skating together while holding hands. A moment later, Anna was waking up a sleeping Elsa. She said the sky was awake and she was awake and they had to play. Elsa shoved her away from the bed telling her to go play by herself. A pouting Anna suddenly had an idea. She asked a half-asleep Elsa if she wanted to build a snowman. Later, the two were running towards the castle hall. Anna urged her to do magic. Elsa conjured her ice powers showering Anna with glittering snowflakes and turning the whole place ice frozen. They started to build a snowman. Elsa named him Olaf – Olaf who likes warm hugs. The three of them glided smoothly into the snow.
While Anna was remembering, she didn't realize that tears were running down her cheeks. These were indeed beautiful and precious memories she had with Elsa. And in those memories, one thing was noticeable – Anna and Elsa were genuinely happy. Elsa liked – no, Elsa loved Anna's company. They were so close, peaceful and contented. Memories of Olaf brought yet another joy in her heart as she remembered. They built him together. No wonder Olaf had turned out to be such a sweet, loving snowman.
And then little Anna and young Elsa were sliding down from a snow-built mountain. Anna flew towards a layer of ice, shouting happily. In her joy, she jumped from one mound of snow to another with Elsa conjuring them. But then Elsa accidentally slipped in the ice and instead of building a snow for Anna to jump in, she had struck Anna in the head. Anna felt the cold seeping through her body as she lost consciousness.
Anna bit her lip as everything came back to her in full force. This time, tears of pain streamed down freely on her face as she remembered. This sad event had become the turning point for Elsa to lose her confidence in her magic. And Anna blamed herself for this. It was because of her childish actions that Elsa had to suffer its consequences. It was because of her that Elsa had to shut herself off from the world. Regret started to eat her away as she wiped the tears with the back of her hand.
And then she saw her parents together with Elsa and herself surrounded by the trolls. Must be Grand Pabbie's memory, she thought. She watched the elder troll doing some magic on her head, probably removing her memories of magic, her memories of Elsa's powers. She saw Grand Pabbie talking to Elsa warning her about her powers – its beauty as well as its dangers. The troll advised young Elsa to learn to control her powers.
She watched as their father King Agnarr came to Elsa's defense saying that they will protect her by locking the gates, limit her contact with people and most importantly keep her powers hidden from everyone. The King then met little Elsa's gaze – including Anna.
Queen Iduna's eyes widened in horror and Anna watched as her mother protested furiously. She disagreed that Elsa had to be shut off from the world especially from Anna. She assured her husband, the King, that Elsa would be able to control her powers as she grew older. But the King argued that letting Anna stay by Elsa's side would cause great danger to the younger child. He wished to avoid that circumstance before it would be too late. Anna watched as the Queen cried and pleaded to the King. It was a mother's heartache to see both her daughters getting separated. And even the King was completely helpless as he also wept while holding his wife in his arms. It was painful watching this. Then Anna saw the young Elsa holding both her parents' hand. There were tears in her eyes but she was smiling encouragingly to the King and Queen.
"Papa, Mama, please don't cry…" The young Elsa whispered. "I will do it. For Anna, I will do whatever it takes to protect her. If I need to isolate myself, I will do it. If I need to keep my powers hidden from anyone including Anna, then so be it." The little Elsa removed the tears from her eyes. "I know it's not going to be easy… but I will never forgive myself if I put Anna's life in danger again. If my departure from Anna's life meant her safety, then I'll gladly accept it. I'll do anything for Anna because I love her with my whole heart."
The stone suddenly stopped quivering, its radiant glow slowly fading away. Anna opened her turquoise eyes which were full with tears. She couldn't stop crying. The pain in heart multiplied tenfold as the young Elsa's words echoed in her ears. She tightly clutched the stone closer to heart as she screamed in anguish. It was agonizing as the truth dawned on her. She couldn't believe she doubted Elsa. She hated herself even more for not trusting Elsa's love for her. Elsa's love for Anna was real. It wasn't forced, it wasn't compelled – Elsa truly and wholeheartedly loved Anna. After all, Elsa did not need a reason to love Anna, she simply did.
And as she remembered her last encounter with Elsa, she quickly got out of the bed and dashed outside of the Ice Tent.
I need to find you Elsa. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.
Anna scanned her surroundings searching for the blonde beauty. The Northuldra people were everywhere as they prepared for the upcoming festival, the Takk. She blinked her eyes again as she looked left and right for any sign of Elsa. Her heart was aching so badly. Her mind was only filled with Elsa's image as she wandered around the village center.
As people saw the Queen, they greeted her with warm smiles and she returned it timidly. She also questioned them if they had seen Elsa but no one had since seen the blonde after leaving the Ice Tent. In her hurry, she bumped into a chestnut-haired guy who quickly bowed to her in apology. She recognized him from yesterday, the kid who was encouraging his friend to confess on the night of the festival. She waved off the apology then inquired if by any chance, he saw her sister. Alas, Elsa was nowhere to be found.
Where could you possibly be Elsa?
Tears were again brimming on the corners of her eyes. Did Elsa really leave where Anna wouldn't be able to find her? She had already searched the entire village but she still couldn't find her. Or would it be possible that Elsa was intentionally hiding from her after what happened?
Negative thoughts started to filter in her mind when she realized that her feet had brought her near the riverbank. She remembered this place – this was where she saw Elsa alive and well as she rode on the back of the Nokk. This was also the place where Kristoff asked for her hand in marriage. It was nostalgic.
And as she gazed towards the calm sea, she saw Elsa standing along the shores overlooking the sea with her back towards her. Anna's heart flipped over with excitement. Elsa was right there. Without much thought, she ran towards her and hugged her fiercely from behind.
"Oh Elsa!" Her voice cracked. "I'm so sorry…"
The force caught Elsa off-guard. She instantly stiffened upon contact but as she heard that familiar voice, she visibly relaxed. Anna…
Anna broke down in tears while hugging Elsa tightly. She wanted to convey to the blonde how she deeply regretted pushing the latter away. Elsa's heart shattered upon hearing Anna's desperate cry. Her blue eyes became blurry as tears started to form their way. She slowly turned around and offered an assuring smile to the younger woman. She also began to wipe the tears in Anna's cheeks.
"Elsa… I'm sooo sowwry." Anna said in between sobs. "I-I hurt you… I pushed you away… I'm so horrible." Anna hiccupped.
"Shhh… Don't cry." Elsa cooed as she continued to wipe those stubborn tears away. "It's okay Anna."
"No it's not. It's not okay." Anna said as she gazed at those gentle blue orbs. She took a deep breath. "Elsa, do you remember our promise not to shut each other out? that we'll do this together?" Elsa nodded solemnly. "Trust me, I wanted to keep that promise." Anna placed her hand in her chest and pounded on it lightly. "But my heart is in shambles. The more I try to understand it, the more I get confused. If only words would be enough to describe and translate what I'm feeling, I would have told you. But I cannot tell you something I don't even understand myself. I wish to give you the truth Elsa. I wish to be honest with you."
Elsa smiled at her. "I understand Anna. And I don't blame you. Remember, I believe in you Anna. I do."
Anna wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I promise you I'll sort this out. And before the night of the festival ends, I will tell you everything Elsa. When the moon is at its peak, I'll wait for you here in this riverbank." By then I will find out my heart's desires.
-x-
Meanwhile, in the Kingdom of Arendelle, the royal guards had posted up on the walls and sent out flyers informing everyone about the invitation from the Northuldra. The people became excited as they heard the news of the upcoming festival called Takk. It would be once-in-a-lifetime magical celebration to see and feel the magical spirits first-hand. Soon enough, it had become the talk in the whole kingdom.
A pitiful old hunchback man wearing a dark cloak and with a wooden cane on his hand picked up one of the flyers from the ground. His eyes darted from left to right as he read the invitation in full details. A smirk appeared on his face before he began limping away deeper into the woods.
A short while later, he arrived in a dense part of the forest where a hidden cabin would have been overlooked at first glance. He looked around his surroundings and once he confirmed he was alone, he stood up straight and began walking normally towards the cabin. As he opened the door, he saw him holding a book. Not just some book but the Book of Magic.
Upon hearing the door creaking, he glanced up at the intruder then grinned at him.
"What do you have for me?"
The intruder smirked before he started removing his cloak and pulling out layers of clothes from his face. He then handed over the flyer to him. "It's time. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold, brother."
He closed the book on his lap and began reading the piece of paper in his hand. His green eyes twinkled in delight as he scratched his long sideburns. He laughed diabolically as he crumpled the flyer on his hand. He looked at his brother knowingly. "Finally. Vengeance is mine!"
"So what's the plan?" His brother looked at him expectantly.
Hans met his gaze. "What do you say, we kill the trolls?"
-x-
A/N: Oh well, Elsa on another crossroad again – Will it be the glasshouse? Will it be the riverbank? Where will you be on the night of the Takk, Elsa?, asked by Anna and Honeymaren simultaneously. And oops, I forgot to mention my favorite villain is back. Yes, Hans is back – in flesh! Thoughts?
A/N2: Whoa! 10K+ words for one chapter? What am I thinking? But yeah, I hope I didn't bore you readers. Shout and I'll shorten the next one. How soon is the next, ugh, beats me... Thanks for your patience. Oh yeah, by the way, thank you ALL especially the reviewers – real, awesome motivators out there. Cheers!